Fuck.
Just fuck.
He knew he was attracted to the elf as soon as he saw them but he was on a mission…He refused to be taken by anyone again. Even if he found them attractive.
The other elf was so naive that it was easy to get the jump on them, twisting them over his body and under his dagger like it was child's play. Despite the fact that he could see that the other elf was just as muscular and flexible as he was.
They didn't seem panicked though as they calmly explained they too were victims of the nautiloid ship and mindflayers. Their heartbeat only fluttered as he kicked their legs out from behind them but it slowed to a normal pace within moments of his dagger sidling up alongside the soft flesh of their neck.
What kind of a psychopath could restrain their heartbeat within moments of danger? As if they knew they truly weren't in any danger at all…
Astarion sighed to himself and shook his head clear of his reminiscing as he wandered through the empty woodlands near the clearing they had chosen to camp at for the night. Of course he would be attracted to that kind of person. Who else but a deranged psychopath could stir his interests so quickly? He thought his feelings of attraction would subside as they were forced to adventure together but somehow the attraction had solidified. As if he didn't have more important things to worry about. As if he wasn't running around with a tadpole in his brain and an egotistical sadistic vampire lord master chasing after him.
As if he weren't as broken as he knew he was…
He found himself watching the other elf from time to time, noting how the other was seemingly going through the motions, like they were distracted by something constantly. He couldn't really blame them, he too was often times distracted; watching the shadows anxiously for any sight or sound out of place. The first few nights camping with the others had been hell, no trance in sight for him as he lay awake, paralysed by thoughts of being brought to heel by his master.
But none of this had stopped his mind from errantly wandering to thoughts of Tav; their wide eyes that seemed to take in everything for the first time, their sharp pointed ears that twitched as they took in all the sound surrounding them, it was baffling. It was like the other elf hadn't experienced the world before. But Astarion could understand that feeling. All too well could he understand. Especially after being kept in the dark for over two hundred years.
The silver haired elf sighed again as he moved through the forest, he wasn't having much luck at hunting. It had only been a couple of days since the group had found out his condition and he was taken aback by Tav who had offered so readily to be his midnight snack. If he hadn't been attracted to her before, he certainly was now.
She hadn't even so much as trembled when he came to her in the middle of the night as she slept, let alone when she found out he was a vampire attempting to suck her veins dry. But she hadn't responded aggressively either…as if she understood his need to keep himself as secretive as possible.
But he knew it went beyond mere attraction…he was just afraid to admit to himself. That after two hundred years of pure shit, he might be given a chance at something that was solely his own. He could feel it thrumming under his skin like he was alive once again. As if his blood was warm and pounding, rushing to embrace his long dead heart.
No. He wasn't doing this. So what if he was attracted to Tav?
He wasn't in any position to acknowledge whatever this was…
Astarion shook his head again firmly as if to shake the thought that started to bloom in his mind from settling. As if he hadn't spent every other moment with thoughts of Tav running rampant, ruining his trances with her scent and oddly calm and quiet heartbeat. It was ruining him. Tav was ruining him.
He didn't know how long he had been in the empty forest before he realised with his mind as distracted as it was that he wasn't going to be able to hunt at all tonight. The moon above was still high in the sky but had begun its descent towards the horizon. Clicking his tongue, he decided it was time to make it back to camp so that maybe he could at least trance for a few hours before they forced him to trek all over Faerǔn.
The clearing was silent as he stealthily made his way back but he lingered in the shadows of the edge of the forest as he caught a glance of the elf on watch, sitting directly opposite from him.
Tav looked on edge, almost sickly as they gazed into a dying fire, a firm scowl in place. Astarion watched the other elf carefully from his position within the tree line, content to stare for a few minutes.
Tav looked almost ethereal in the glow of the firelight, shadows dancing on her face and slight frame. Astarion could hardly believe that the other elf could be so perfect, their face symmetrical, their plush lips sitting sinfully above a heart shaped jawline. It wasn't like other elves were unattractive, in fact most of them were stunning, to the point that other races made a profit by kidnapping and selling them on the black market as brides and slaves. But Tav seemed so perfect, as if they were made to captivate and ensnare him specifically.
He shifted on his feet absentmindedly as he continued to watch them gaze into the dying fire, clicking his tongue as his own gaze fell to his now muddied boots.
Gods above…he couldn't have one nice thing in the wilderness could he?
Dragging his gaze back up to the camp, he realised Tav hadn't moved from their position at all, looking into the fire with a distracted glaze to their eyes. Astarion had noticed the other elf acting oddly the past week but he just chalked it up to being forced to march alongside a gaggle of weirdos. He himself found his own patience wearing thin…if he had to listen to Gale whine about Mystra one more time….he was going to gag him with a spoon.
Maybe the tadpole was affecting Tav more? Everyone else had seemed to be okay but maybe the elf was more susceptible to its influence?
At that thought, Astarion dragged himself from his position at the edge of the clearing and made his way to the fire to engage with distracted elf. He made no attempt to soften his steps though as he was sure Tav could see him.
But maybe he was wrong because as he stepped closer, he could see his presence wasn't noted at all and he clicked his tongue in annoyance almost immediately.
As if anyone could ignore him? He'd spent years, centuries even, being hounded by man, woman and other for so long, even if he couldn't remember his own face, he knew he wasn't one to be ignored.
Astarion had gotten a few steps away when he noticed Tav acknowledge his presence as they snapped their eyes up past the glow of the dying fire. His undead heart seemed to quiver in satisfaction as Tav's gaze focused on his countenance solely. Their eyes starting at his boots, inching slowly up his body until finally making eye contact.
Normally he would have felt disgusted with this kind of attention but it felt different with Tav. As if they were just looking to get a feel for the environment instead of undressing him and imagining him in all kinds of positions. He wouldn't blame them if they did though…he was more than guilty of doing the same to them on the frequent glances he stole.
"I thought the point of night watch was to actually keep watch out for danger, darling." Astarion chided in a soft yet teasing purr as he relished being the sole person in the other elf's gaze now.
Why was it so important that he was the only one her eyes were focused on? No. Not the time for self reflection.
He chased those thoughts away from his mind silently as he regarded her again, though she hadn't moved or made a sound for quite a time now. "Like what you see? Although…if you stare any longer, I might just have to charge you." He teased again, hoping he was coming across with his usual confident mask tightly in place. Tav merely flicked her gaze back to the dying campfire before silently adding another log to the centre of the flames.
Astarion watched her take a deep breath before responding coolly; "Just distracted, Astarion. I didn't realise you were out hunting still."
The older elf hummed in response before seating himself across from her, beyond the fire on another log that had been set up earlier in the afternoon. He noted her eyes widening but she merely kept her gaze from him and focused on the flames. He wasn't sure what game she was playing; whether it was some type of neglect flirting or her mind was being eaten alive by tadpoles but his stomach sank at the thought of her focusing her attention elsewhere.
He knew what this was. He had heard older elves speak about it before, where they couldn't stand to be anything less than everything to their pa- Nope. Not going down that road.
She had returned to being deathly silent, almost as if she were a vampire herself while Astarion quickly busied himself by reaching his exposed forearms to the fire, the dying flame managing to warm up his arms enough to heat the remains of his cologne. Though after a few minutes of warmth, he returned to watching her glazed over eyes and vacant expression. He didn't exactly know how a mindflayer transformation went but her behaviour was becoming increasingly concerning.
He watched as Tav shook her head and a spark of life came back to her eyes and she took another shaky yet deep breath before speaking again. "Find anything good?" She asked, briefly flicking her eyes to meet his over the fire. As if she had suddenly remembered how to function normally once more. Immediately after asking, she seemed to realise the fire was still struggling and added another splintered log into it, feeding the starving flames carefully.
Astarion pondered a moment, cocking his head to the side as he did, whether or not to tell the truth but decided against it. For some reason, he would feel incredibly guilty right now if she offered for him to bite her. The pale elf hummed and gave a slight nod in response to her question. "The usual fare, darling. Are you alright? You haven't seemed…like yourself lately." He asked, trying to sound as casual as he possibly could while asking about her wellbeing. He even stretched his legs out in an attempt to appear nonchalant though his red eyes were carefully trained on her face and countenance.
Tav reacted physically before she could get a handle on herself and she stiffened visibly under his gaze. Oh, so she was turning…what a shame, Astarion mused to himself as he continued to appear unbothered. He continued to watch as she rolled her shoulders back, almost as if to shake off an unwelcome feeling his question had brought. He heard a swift flutter of a heartbeat before her pulse returned to normal. Yet again, casually showing her psychopathic tendencies. He really should tell her that he can hear it but he found himself almost enchanted by the odd behaviour.
"Might just be coming down with something." Her sweet voice broke through his thoughts this time and he raised an eyebrow before nodding slowly as delayed understanding dawned on him.
Right, she was mortal…
"I forget mortals are susceptible to illness." He murmured, the cogs and gears behind his casual expression working overtime. If she was mortal, of course she could get sick. She could get any type of disease out here in the wilderness and if it was bad enough, she'd die. Astarion's stomach sank once again at the thoughts that ran rampant through his mind.
If she was mortal…then she could easily die and leave him…
He exhaled softly to distract himself from his thoughts before joking; "For a second there, I thought you were turning into a mindflayer and I'd have to stab you." He forced himself to chuckle lightheartedly before he picked himself off the log he had perched on. He had to go, she was causing him to rapidly decline mentally and he just wasn't in the position to delve into that right now.
He paused a brief moment, standing directly behind the campfire before sighing softly as he looked down at her guarded and yet completely out of it stance. "Well, I'm glad I don't have to get myself dirty with illithid blood so late in the evening, darling. See you in the morning." He murmured, raising a pale hand in farewell before making his way to his tent, his feet slowly dragging.
Why didn't he want to leave her side? He had a mission; sleep with her, gain her trust, use her as an elf body shield against the twisted prick that haunted his trances. He was just flirting with her because she was the strongest and easiest target in the band of weirdos.
Right? It's not as if this meant anything…
This isn't like the times where he'd heard elves speak of destiny and a connection at first sight. He was merely attracted to her. It made the process of using her just a little easier…he could have just as easily overpowered Shadowheart if she wasn't such an untrustworthy and cold hearted bitch.
His face twisted into a scowl as he made his slow and distracted way to his tent, he heard Tav mutter a soft 'fuck' to the campfire and he could only agree.
Fuck indeed.
