Author's Note: This fanfic contains themes of depression, PTSD and suicidal thoughts. If any of those topics make you uncomfortable, then go read something else.
Zelda prided herself in being a productive person. If she was awake, she needed to do something, anything, for her mind didn't tolerate even the smallest amount of idleness. So, the few times she woke up before Link she would always get up -with the utmost care as to not to disturb Link's sleep- and find something to do.
But not anymore. Now, whenever that happens, she would always stay in bed and do her best to tolerate her mind nagging her to put an end to the idleness.
Why, you may ask? Zelda believed that the first incident that led to this outcome happened two months ago, but after thinking about it she realized it was much earlier, almost four months ago; When the man she was in love with slayed the biggest threat Hyrule had ever seen and rescued her from a fate worse than death.
She couldn't believe her eyes when she saw Link, with the restored Master Sword sheathed on his back.
She had already resigned to the fact that not only would she never see Link or any of her friends and loved ones from her era ever again, but she wouldn't even see them in the afterlife alongside the other people she had lost, such as her parents, Urbosa and the rest of the Champions, and many more. Mineru had warned her that if she swallowed her Secret Stone, there would be no turning back; she would stay as a mindless dragon until the end of time. But she was resolved to do it; It was the only way to give Link the one weapon that could allow him to defeat Ganondorf for good.
And then, after Link had done that, he had somehow undone the draconification and returned her back to her Hylian body.
Because for Link, nothing is impossible. He's Hylia's chosen champion, wielder of the Master Sword, vanquisher of both the Calamity and the Demon King. There's no enemy Link cannot beat, no challenge he can't overcome.
Or so Zelda believed.
"Oh Link… I'm home."
Shortly after saying those words, Link had basically pounced at her, wrapping his arms around her body as he pulled her into a really tight embrace.
"It's you… it's really you!" he had said, as tears fell from his blue eyes. "I thought I had lost you… I thought I would never see you again… this isn't one of those dreams, is it?"
"No Link, this isn't a dream," she had reassured him, her eyes also becoming wet. "I'm so happy to see you again… to touch you again… to hear your beautiful voice…"
"Zelda… my Zelda…" he had cried as he pressed his face against her shoulder.
"My dear Link…"
Zelda had lost herself in the joy of the moment, basking in the presence of her hero, the man she loved more than anything. But looking back, she realized that was when the problem began.
After a tearful farewell to Mineru, the Sages returned to their respective homes, and so did Link and Zelda. The residents of Hateno Village gave them a welcome of heroes, and threw a huge feast to celebrate the end of the Upheaval, Link's victory over Ganondorf, and the Princess' return.
After that, they fell into a comfortable routine. Zelda returned to teach at the Hateno School (being able to see the little ones' smiling faces filled her with so much joy) while Link helped train Monster-Control Crews and joined them in their expeditions (Zelda learned that the Demon Dragon had summoned one last Blood Moon before Link could kill him for good, reviving every monster in the land as if it was one final, spiteful parting gift), and took odd jobs here and there to help the people of Hateno.
And for the first three months, life was good. Life was pleasant. It was all that they deserved after everything they had gone through.
Then the first incident happened.
Zelda had woken up before Link, which was quite the rarity. She took a few moments to admire Link's beautiful sleeping form, even daring to caress his face with one of her fingers. But alas, her mind was quick to nag her about not wasting time, so she carefully got out of bed, put on a robe and went to the first floor to see what chores needed to be done.
She was in the middle of preparing breakfast for the two of them when she heard Link waking up. She expected him to just greet her as he walked down the stairs, but what she heard him say sent a chill down her spine.
"Zelda? Zelda! Zelda, where are you!?" Link practically cried, his voice laced with despair. "No, no, NO! Not again, not again!"
"Link?" she asked, sounding a little worried. "I'm down here!"
Wearing only a pair of shorts, Link practically dashed down the stairs, the most unsettling look on his eyes. He ran towards her and pulled her into an embrace so tight it reminded Zelda of their first reencounter.
"You're here… you're real… it wasn't a dream, it wasn't a dream…" he began to whisper.
"L-Link? Is everything okay?" Zelda asked, not returning the hug this time. "You're scaring me a little…"
Her words snapped him out of his worrisome state, breaking the embrace and returning to the mood she's so used to see in him.
"Y-Yes, sorry!" Link replied, chuckling a little. "It was just a bad dream. Involving the…, um, the Upheaval, and, uh, everything that happened after that. I still have those from time to time. Then I saw that you weren't in the bed and kinda panicked a little. Sorry, that was so embarrassing."
But it didn't look like a mere night terror. Link's skin was glistening with sweat, he had an unsettling look on his eyes, his face was red, he was breathing heavily and his heart beat so fast and hard she could hear it without placing an ear on his chest.
"Are you sure?" Zelda asked.
"Yes, yes! Don't worry, I'm fine now!" Link quickly replied. "I promise you it won't happen again."
Zelda didn't press any further, albeit looking back, perhaps she should have.
Another month went by in a blink, and with each passing day, Link's brief panic attack was pushed further and further into the back of Zelda's mind until the Princess forgot about it completely.
And one day, Zelda once again woke up earlier than her beloved. Looking at the window, she saw it was still dark, but felt that she wasn't going to fall asleep again. Oh well, since she was awake, better be productive. She could use this time to work on the school's lesson plan for the following weeks. Getting up as quietly as possible, she gathered her books and notes and went downstairs.
While she normally used the bedroom's desk for this kind of work, she didn't want to disturb the still sleeping Link, so she decided to use the kitchen table on the first floor.
Then about half an hour later, a cry from Link broke her focus on her work.
"Zelda? Zelda! No, no! No, she was real, she was real! This time she was back!" he practically screamed. "It couldn't be a dream, I knew it was real!"
"Link, I'm down here!" she called. "Everything okay?"
Once again, Link rushed down the stairs not even bothering to put on something on top of his shorts. He let out a sigh of relief upon seeing her, and once again he pulled her into a tight embrace.
"Link, are you okay?" Zelda asked, concerned.
"I am, now that I know you're real," he said, almost without thinking. He then realized what he had said, and quickly pulled back. "S-Sorry Zel, another nightmare! I knew I promised this wouldn't happen again but… sorry."
"Link… is everything okay?" she reiterated her question. "You're sweating bullets, and you're panting! What kind of nightmare was that?"
"Yes, yes! Everything is fine! I, uh, better go back and put something on. It's kind of chilly to wear so little, hehe," he said, before awkwardly returning to their bedroom.
This incident wasn't as easily forgotten as the first one, which was also again back at the forefront of Zelda's mind. Both times it happened when Zelda woke up before Link and decided to get up before him. Did not seeing her when he woke up cause this kind of panicked reaction?
One time was a coincidence. Two times was a pattern.
Despite what Link said, he clearly was not well. At first Zelda tried to broach the subject with subtlety.
"Link, are you worried about something?"
"No. Should I be?"
Day after day, she kept insisting, though making sure not to come off too strongly.
"Link, you know that if there's something that bothers you, you can tell me, right?"
"Yes, I know."
"You can talk to me about anything, and I won't judge you."
"I know, and that's part of why I love you so much."
She was going to help Link, even if he didn't want to be helped.
"Link, do you trust me?"
"With my life."
"So, if you had a problem with something, anything, you'd tell me so I could help you, right?"
"Of course. If I ever have any kind of problem, you'll be the first one to know."
For the next two weeks, she tried to prod and nudge him as gently as possible, but alas, her subtle approach yielded no results. So the Princess was left with one option, one that she didn't like, but felt it was the only choice to solve her conundrum: a direct confrontation.
One day, after both of them returned home, Zelda approached Link with a serious look on her face.
"Link, can we talk?" she asked.
"Sure!" he replied, happy and cheerful. She couldn't tell if it was genuine, or if it was to mask what was eating him on the inside.
That was the problem with Link. He appeared so strong, so invincible, it looked like nothing could bring him down. He had, after all, defeated the Demon King, something she and other six Sages failed to do in the distant past. And he managed to do it without a Secret Stone to boot.
Secret Stones. Zelda's feelings towards the Zonai artifacts were mixed. On one hand, it was thanks to one that she discovered her ability to manipulate time; it was thanks to one that she met Rauru, Sonia, Mineru and so many other wonderful people in the past; it was thanks to one that Rauru was able to protect Hyrule from that Molduga swarm; it was thanks to one that she was able to repair the wrecked Master Sword and return it to Link in the present.
However, it was a Secret Stone that separated her from Link when he needed her the most. It was because of a Secret Stone that Ganondorf murdered Queen Sonia. It was thanks to a Secret Stone that he went from a powerful yet still mortal warrior king into the Apocalypse made flesh, whose actions and power would haunt Hyrule for millenia to come, culminating in the Calamity and the Upheaval.
That's why, even if she no longer wore her Secret Stone anymore, she couldn't bring herself to destroy it, and decided to leave it (as well as Mineru's) under Purah's care, since the Sheikah would love to study them.
Pushing the Secret Stone out of her mind, she led Link to the kitchen table, where they both took seats in front of the other. Zelda then clasped one of his hands between hers, a gesture that quickly put him at ease. And he would need him to be at ease.
Zelda exhaled. "Link, I know I asked you this many, many times, but I'm going to do it one more time: is there anything troubling or worrying you? Something you'd like to tell me?"
Link's face was between nonchalant and confused, and none of it was genuine. "No. Everything's fine. Why do you ask?"
"Are you sure?"
"Pretty sure."
"So there won't be any problem if tomorrow you wake up and you find the bed empty, right?" she asked.
All signs of nonchalance disappeared from Link's face, and for the briefest of moments Zelda could see a look of pure terror in his eyes.
Link chuckled. "Please don't say that."
Zelda tilted her head, pretending ignorance. "Why not? Didn't you say everything's fine?"
Link's mouth became a very thin line as he averted her eyes. She had him cornered, and he knew it.
"I just didn't want to worry you," Link began.
"Don't you realize that by keeping whatever's hurting you inside your chest, all you accomplish is the exact opposite?" Zelda pointedly asked.
"I… you're going to think I'm silly," Link began.
Zelda's hands squeezed his. "Link, I told you many times that I will never judge you. You said you trusted me with your life. Why can't you trust me with this?"
Link chuckled, though his laugh this time didn't have any mirth, be real or forced, behind it. "I guess I was a fool for thinking I could keep this hidden from you. You're way too smart."
Zelda couldn't help but smile at the compliment. "Yes, I am. Now are you going to tell me what's going on?"
Link looked down in defeat as he finally lowered the barriers he had erected around his heart. "I wasn't lying to you before when I said I had nightmares."
"But it's something more than nightmares that's bothering you, is it?" Zelda asked. She leaned forward. "Link, you had a panic attack whenever you woke up and you saw that I wasn't in the bed with you. There's something in your mind that's clearly worrying you to an unhealthy degree. You cannot let this go on any further."
Link nodded, seemingly ready to finally talk. "It all began with the Upheaval. When you fell down that chasm and I failed to catch you. That image will be forever burned into my mind."
"Is that what your nightmares are about? About that moment?" Zelda asked.
"At first. Then it got worse," Link admitted.
Zelda paled, as she squeezed Link's hand again. "Worse?"
"When you fell down that chasm… I thought I had lost you for good. Then, at the Great Sky Island, I found that you were still alive and in Hyrule, and that you wanted me to find you. My hopes were rekindled, and I embarked on a journey to find you while dealing with all the crap the Upheaval was causing.
"People said that they had seen you, and I saw you myself quite a few times. Or what I believed it was you. It didn't take long for me to figure out that that version of you was an imposter."
Zelda had become livid when she was told about the fake version of her Ganondorf had created to sow chaos and discord across Hyrule. It wasn't enough that he used her face in his plot to murder Queen Sonia. As if she didn't have enough reasons to hate him already.
"Then I began to collect the memories you left behind in the form of dragon tears. That confirmed to me that what I saw was an imposter and that you, the real you, were trapped in the distant past, but I had hopes that I could get you back to the present," Link continued, placing his free hand over Zelda's. "Maybe Purah and Robbie could fashion some gizmo with Zonai tech that allowed me to go to the past and bring you back. If you could travel to the past, if I could send the destroyed Master Sword to the past… then it could be possible to bring something from the past to the present, right?"
Zelda nodded. "Guess it could be possible, yes."
"Then… I got to your last memories, and I realized that you had been here all along," Link continued, as a tear ran down his cheek. "As the Light Dragon."
Zelda's heart broke at Link's sorrowful expression. "Link…"
"When I learned what you were forced to do in order to repair and return the Master Sword to me, I wanted to die," Link continued, his voice cracking. Zelda gasped in horror. "You were gone. Forever. Not even death would allow me to see you again in the afterlife, since you'd live for all eternity. I only carried on because I couldn't let your sacrifice be in vain. Ganondorf needed to go down, not just for Hyrule's sake, but for your memory as well."
I wanted to die.
Those words resonated inside Zelda's head like echoes of doom.
One question that always appeared in her mind is what Link would have done if he was never able to return her back to normal. It was many times on the tip of her tongue, but she never dared to ask it, as the potential answer terrified her.
And those words did little to soothe her fears.
"And that's when the nightmares became even worse," Link said, choking. "Ironically, because they stopped being nightmares."
"What do you mean?" Zelda asked, as she tried to suppress a sense of morbid curiosity creeping up her back.
"I no longer dreamed of you falling down a chasm. Instead, my dreams became… this," Link said, spreading his free arm, motioning towards the rest of the room. "I dreamed of you and me, the times before the Upheaval. Having lunch and washing the dishes. Walking through the grass fields while holding hands. Having tea with Impa and Paya at Kakariko Village.. Buying new clothes at Cece's. Making… love."
"Oh, Link…" Zelda said. How could this man manage to save Hyrule when he was in such a poor mental and emotional state?
"But then I woke up, and saw the empty bed, and remembered that you were now a mindless beast, doomed to soar the skies of Hyrule forever, while a madman with near-godlike powers planned to turn our kingdom into a hellscape…" Link recalled. He fought back a sob. "It happened so, so many times, and it only got worse and worse."
Zelda released Link's hand and brought her own hands over her mouth. "Oh Goddesses…"
"It was even worse when the children started appearing in them," Link continued.
"Children?"
"Our children."
She and Link had been trying for a baby in the months before the Upheaval, though the idea of starting a family had been put on the back burner for the time being. Neither of them felt that they were in the right mental state for such a big responsibility. They still needed some time to recover both physically and mentally from the events caused by Ganondorf's rampage.
And Link was clearly way more shaken than she initially believed.
"In one dream you told me you were pregnant, and we threw a party to break the news to our friends. In another, we were having fun with our children on Firly Pond during a warm summer day. In another, it was our eldest's first day at the school…," Link sobbed again. "It wasn't just enough for my mind to tease me about losing you forever, it also had to show me the happy times we'd never enjoy…"
"Link…" she said.
Then, much to Zelda's confusion, Link's expression suddenly turned joyful all of sudden, and raised both fists above his head. "Then, after Ganondorf was gone for good, I got you back! We returned home and resumed our lives! Despite the overwhelming odds against us, we got our happy ending! Someone might say it was too good to be true, but here we are!"
Zelda clenched her jaw. "But you… you started to believe it was too good to be true, right?"
"I have dreamed of such a thing happening so, so many times…" Link's joyful energy vanished as quickly as it came. "I began to wonder if this was reality, or if it was some delusion born from wishful dreams. I mean, look at how I was able to turn you back to Hylian! After I defeat the Demon Dragon, Rauru and Sonia's spirits appear out of nowhere, and despite not just not having their Secret Stones anymore but not even being alive, they're able to empower my Recall to the point it can reverse Goddesses know how many millennia of you being a dragon, then leave without saying a word? How convenient was that? Of course when I think back to that moment, I start to believe that it was too good to be true!
"There are so many nights when we're about to go to sleep when I think 'this is a dream, and when I wake up, I will be alone in my bed, and I will remember that Zelda is now some mindless creature flying through the clouds'," Link said, wiping tears from his reddening eyes. "And then, that day, I woke up, and you weren't there-"
Zelda couldn't take it anymore. Getting up from her chair, she ran towards Link and wrapped her arms around him, pulling his head towards her body.
"Oh Link, my poor Link…" she wailed, fighting tears as well. "Why didn't you tell me this before? You were hurting so much! I could have helped you! So many people could have helped you!"
"I told you, it was a silly thing," Link said, chuckling sadly. "It's just me being just a little baby that cries whenever he wakes up and can't see his mommy. It's not something worth worrying about."
"It was neither silly nor childish, Link. No one, not even a hero anointed by the gods, can go through what you have gone without accruing many mental scars. You're not unbreakable, Link, and downplaying trauma like this won't help anyone," Zelda told him, hugging him tighter.
"Zelda…my Zelda…" Link sobbed, the dam she had put around his emotions finally broken, allowing him to openly cry on her shoulder.
"I'm here, Link. My Link. I'm here, in the flesh. I love you. This is not a dream. Nothing will keep us apart ever again," she said before kissing his forehead. "And I don't care how many times I need to do it, I will always remind you that I'm real, that my love for you is real, and neither are the product of a dream. I promise you that, as long as your trauma persists, I will be the very first thing you'll see every morning."
"Zelda, you don't have to do that…" he weakly said.
"No, I don't have to. But I want to," Zelda stated. "You've protected and taken care of me so many times… let me return the favor this time."
"Oh Goddesses… what have I ever done to deserve somebody as wonderful as you…"
Zelda managed to crack a smile among the tears that fell from her eyes. "I wonder the very same thing about you every day…"
Finally, Link got up from his chair, brought his face closer to Zelda's and pressed his lips against hers. Zelda returned the kiss with gusto, hoping to drive home that it was indeed a real kiss and not a dreamt one.
From that day onward, whenever Zelda would wake up before Link, she would stay still and simply wait until he woke up. And when he did, he'd see her smiling face, and she'd bid him a good morning and give him a kiss on his lips, before reassuring him that this wasn't a dream.
There will be one day when all of Link's doubts and worries will be put to rest, when he'll no longer wonder if his idyllic life was a product of his imagination, when he'll no longer fear that the woman he loved so much would disappear from his life again.
And until that day arrives, Zelda will be at Link's side, supporting and reassuring him at every step of the way.
Author's Note:
This story was rather fun to write, in spite of, or peharps because I don't usually do angst. But one idea of TotK Link that always fascinated me is how he would have reacted towards first seeing Zelda falling down a chasm, then realizing she had irrevocably turned herself into a mindless monster in order to help him beat Ganondorf. That has to leave you messed up.
Another thing I also liked of this Link is how other people's perception of him shapes how he should act. Everybody, including Zelda, see him as this ideal, invincible hero, both righteous and unstoppable, that no villain can stop no matter how powerful. So he tries to project that image even if deep down he doesn't really understands why. Which is why he was so reticent to open up to Zelda about his inner turmoils. This has precendent on how Link barely talked prior to the Calamity because he believed people expected him to act, not to speak.
Thanks a lot to Citrus Bloom for betareading this!
Anyway, hope you enjoyed this little piece. See ya!
