Author's Note: So get ready for a lot of literary and philosophical discussions regarding a children's book starring a cartoon fish with a beauty complex. In other words, The Rainbow Fish is thematically important to this fic, so strap in.
Also, we're still doing a lot of setup for some very soon-ish payoffs so just... just lemme cook on this, okay?
This chapter takes place between the episodes The Mirror and The Silver Falcon, two nights after Chapter 14.
Blissful sleep was cut short by the sound of Gilly's excited barking and hopping reaching across the house, ripping Robbins out of his dreamless slumber. He slowly gathered his bearings as he felt the familiar aches and stiffness from old age and carelessly passing out on the living room couch. It didn't surprise him once his brain finished buffering that he had succumbed to the soothing embrace of sleep while watching the news. He had been burning the candle at both ends to get the manuscript ready for Fabian.
All night and all day, only taking bathroom breaks, exercise breaks and meal breaks, the obligatory power nap—and rather sparingly at that—he slaved away over that typewriter & trusty tape recorder putting down all the words pouring out of him. Hudson had uncorked whatever had stopped up the flow of creativity and now he was like a machine with this thing. Robbins honestly wouldn't be surprised if he could crank out 10 chapters at the rate he was going.
But alas, a crash was destined to happen, and it just so happened to be the day he was scheduled for his bi-monthly checkup with his doctor. "Bi-monthly" was only in theory apparently since he kept putting it off until he physically couldn't anymore, Dr. Keinstein was not happy with him. So at the risk of getting dropped as a patient and having to find a whole new doctor that Keinstein wouldn't blab on him to, he bit the bullet and agreed to finally come in.
It wasn't bad, all things considered, he just... really didn't like hospitals. Bad smells, stirring up bad memories...
Regardless, everything was fine, he got prescriptions refilled, at some point he'd get to the pharmacy or perhaps not. Robbins counted himself blessed that he didn't have any serious health issues, minus the big blindingly obvious one, of course. But he didn't need medication to treat that, and the rest of his body was apparently in tip top shape. Like, getting close to 10 years younger shape, and that wasn't Robbin's bragging, those were Keinstein's exact words. Not too shabby for an almost 60 year old blind guy.
Still, with Keinstein's office being Keinstein's office, the noon appointment that Robbins was 45 minutes early for, was finished at 2 in the afternoon. At which point, Robbins was ready to keel over and die he was so tired, but of course he had to get back in the house, make something to eat, feed Gilly, walk her. And after all that excitement it was 4 o'clock and while enjoying the bizarre news story of a suspected werewolf lurking about Manhattan, he was spread eagled over the couch in a heap. And by the cool wet sensation slipping down his cheek, he was firmly in crashed out country.
With a prolonged series of stretches and cathartic joint popping ending with a satisfied moan, Robbins shuffled to the study, favoring his left side. He'd slept on his hip wrong and it was currently still tender, back wasn't doin' the greatest either to be honest. That was really stupid of him to sleep on the couch and he'd feel worse about it if he hadn't just finished some of the best sleep he's had in a while. Still, he wasn't happy about how he was hobbling like a geriatric while Gilly impatiently started tugging at his sleeve.
Hudson must've been having a good chuckle right about then, a small smile forming on his lips at the notion. The guy could certainly use more laughter in his life, so Robbins didn't mind. Plus, he liked his laugh, it was infectious and downright jolly. Finally, after what seemed to be a whole hour of a sojourn, his fingers wrapped around the sliding door handle and slid it open.
"Hey Hudson, sorry about the wait" he greeted sheepishly, the familiar scent of old leather and concrete filtering in as Hudson moved to enter.
"It's quite alright" the Scotsman answered back, a hint of a chuckle in his tone. Robbins' smile grew as he paced to his arm chair, the sound of Gilly hopping up to Hudson's chest accompanying them.
"I just got back from the doctor's this afternoon, which is usually when I'm sleepin', so between writin' all night and forgettin' said doctor's appointment, I was pushin' 30 hours of no sleep. Hence the rare nighttime snooze I was just indulgin' in" Robbins explained as he settled into his seat.
Hudson's chair squeaked and groaned as he spoke. "Well, if ye need to rest more, I can come back another—"
"No no, I'm fine. I'm all set, good to go" he assured, folding his hands in his lap.
"Did your physician give ye a good report?" Hudson asked, before humming thoughtfully. "If ye don't mind me inquirin' " he added.
Robbins shook his head as he replied. "Not at all, buddy. It was just a regular check up, my doctor says I'm gettin' healthier on account of the exercise I've been doin'. Just gotta watch my back when I'm liftin' heavy stuff. But I only use 30 pound dumbbells so that won't be an issue" he explained before shrugging. "Uhhh, other than that, yeah. Just a normal visit. Of course he got on me about the diet, cholesterol and blood pressure, you know how that is"
"Ah yes. The coal-est-rol and... blood pressure..." Hudson said, combing his fingers through his beard. He sounded a little awkward and unsure, maybe because he too has been putting off the doctor for the exact reason Robbins had. Well, not exact, but close enough.
"I already got rid of caffeine and high fructose corn syrup, I'm not goin' crazy with the greasy and junk foods and carbs, so why is he still ridin' me on this? What, I'm supposed to never eat an ounce of butter or sugar ever again?" Robbins rolled his head dramatically at the notion, because he'll be damned if he can't have everything served at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Ain't no way he's missing out on his sisters' cooking.
"Perish the thought!" Hudson said, completing Robbins' precise thought. He couldn't help the emphatic hum in agreement.
"I am 59 years old, I'm gon' keep eatin' what I've been eatin' all my life, I'll keep up the exercise, and I'll be just fine" he declared, folding his arms for emphasis. "Ain't no way I'm eatin' salads for the rest of my life, I don't have to turn into a complete herbivore to be healthy. Screw that" he waved off the idea like an irritating fly as Hudson hummed in agreement. Although...
"I mean sure, I probably should eat a banana every now and then, but still!" Robbins exclaimed raising his finger. "Get off my back, Doc, I eat what I want" he finished, waving his finger dramatically.
"And what, uh..." Hudson trailed off, calloused hands rubbing together as he quietly gathered his thoughts. "What would that entail, exactly?" he ventured.
"Oh, the usual suspects; Italian, Chinese, Mexican, Southern, Mediterranean, all the classics" Robbins listed casually. Gilly trotted over to him and plopped his cane into his lap, Robbins gave her a quick scratch behind her ear as a silent thanks. He was wondering where he left that thing.
"Do ye happen to favor any in particular?" Hudson asked, lightly clasping his hands back together. Robbins paused for a moment before answering.
"Uh, I don't really have a 'favorite food', necessarily" he admitted. "I just like to eat, ain't too picky 'bout much really" his shoulders bounced as he pursed his lips.
It was true, he couldn't really pick a favorite food. He had wide and varied tastes and whatever he was in the mood for that's what he wanted. And his mood flitted between a dozen different foods, so it'd be impossible for him to pick.
"I see..." Hudson spoke under his breath, stroking his beard again. "Then, is there anything ye don't care for, then?" he supplied, wanting to get to the bottom of this for some reason. Robbins didn't mind of course, it was just... a tad peculiar, is all. He placed his hand on his chin and thought for a few moments as he lined up everything he regretted eating or would never even consider eating.
"Horseradish" was his initial thought. "Not really a food, but it's somethin' people eat that I just can't get behind".
Hudson let out a thoughtful hum before he spoke up. "I am not familiar with horseradish" he admitted.
"You ain't missin' nothin', trust me". That junk was so gross, Robbins couldn't believe people dared put it on prime rib. Lord, it should be a crime.
"Anything else?" Hudson inquired, leaning in a bit closer. He seemed quite interested in such a mundane subject, causing Robbins to raise an eyebrow but continue nevertheless. Might as well.
"Turnips and beets" he snapped his fingers. "Nastiest little things I ever ate. It's like takin' a big ol' bite of dirt, ugh" Robbins motioned how big the dirt bite would be. Apparently it was the size of a 1 year old baby. "No thanks" he waved his hands in front of him as Hudson chuckled.
"Hahaha, turnips 'n beets are no friends o'mine either" he admitted, his voice sounding a bit closer than just a second ago. Not that Robbins noticed, because he just thought of the worst of the worst.
"Chitlins! Ya ever heard of chitlins?" Probably not since he's from Scotland, and not Southern Alabama.
"Can't say that I have, it doesn't sound particularly appetizin' " Hudson answered, holding back bemused laughter.
"Well, let's just say... I've never actually eaten pig intestines, because I don't hate myself enough" Hudson spurted out an amused breath. "But based on the smell alone, I have zero intentions of puttin' them anywhere near my face. I'm positive it'd melt the flesh right off it" the Scotsman choked out a chortle. "Have me walkin' 'round here lookin' like Skeletor's blind uncle". That was it.
Hudson cackled while doubling over, evident by how hard he slapped his knee and how close his voice had become. A wide grin spread across Robbins' face as he stifled his own laughter. Gilly's collar jingled as she went to check up on Hudson as he struggled to stay off the floor. Which Robbins was determined he'd bring him down to.
"I'm serious, it smells like rotten sewage, wrapped in burnt hair, boiling in gasoline! I've never gagged so much in my life!" he explained as a few chuckles escaped him. "At least now I know if I ever accidentally drink poison or somethin', all I need to do is pull out a pot of musty stank nasty chitlins and I'll throw it right back up".
"Hahahaha!" Hudson bellowed, a light thud let him know the man had been brought to his knees. Little more.
"And I mean instantly regurgitate. No question" the next thud was a bit louder, Hudson voice fell down lower to the ground. Hands and knees. "The things people do to dem poor lil' piglets, chile" Robbins finished in an aged, shrill voice that perfectly mimicked his grandmother, who also detested chitlins with a fiery passion. And boy was she hilarious.
Hudson had fully dropped to the ground, with Gilly kneading his belly by the sound of his strained laughs. "Hahahaha! St... stop... ahahaha!" he tried begging, between those joyful giggles that lit up the room. But mercy wouldn't come just yet.
"I do not recommend it for consumption, but as a form of cruel and unusual torture, I give it 5 gags of approval. Your enemies will absolutely give up their entire country just to get away from the noxious fumes".
Hudson wheezed and moaned between delirious chortles. "Robbins, for the love of... ye gotta stop... yer killin' me here!" he panted.
Robbins couldn't hold back his own laughter. "Alright, alright! I'm done, I'm done!" he finally relented as Hudson struggled to regain his breathing.
Just when it seemed like he was done and he was finding his normal rhythm back, he barked out a couple more guffaws and down he went again. Gilly certainly wasn't helping, she never did when it came to them cracking up. After the 3rd failed attempt to regain his composure, Hudson slammed his hand on the coffee, right by Robbins' knee. And since he caused the problem, he felt compelled to help his friend out.
"You good?" he asked as he reflexively reached out and laid his hand on Hudson's, hoping to ground him somewhat.
His hand was thickly calloused and his skin was dry, like he'd worked a construction job with his bare hands. But it wasn't uncomfortable, they kind of reminded him of the way his father's hands were, he worked in construction and his hands were always rough to the touch. But warm and gentle too.
"Aye, now I am!" Hudson answered back, still coughing out an amused huff as he rose to his knees once more. "I never knew you were so passionate about food" he added, smile clear in his tone.
Robbins paused at the comment and blinked a few times to process it. All of that was pretty normal to him, did it really constitute as "passionate about food" to Hudson? Did it constitute as passionate to other people, because it seemed like everybody in Robbins' family had the same general approach to the topic of cuisine.
But now that he thought about it, he did recall many of the people in his life that were either immigrants or of a diverse race and ethnicity didn't have the same sentiment about food. They seemed to be perfectly content with their particular culture's food, plus some common standards that everybody liked. But as far as describing how much they liked one food over another? He couldn't really recall anyone doing that.
He was always the one volunteering his many thoughts and opinions on whatever food was up for discussion. One time somebody suggested he take up writing food reviews since his stories were dried up and he had apparently impressed them so much with his ramblings about one of the restaurants he frequents. So, 'passionate about food'... actually kinda fit? At least compared to anybody outside of his own family, it seemed. Which was a weird realization to come to at his age, but there it was.
"Heh yeah, guess I never thought of it like that" he finally admitted, looking off to the side with a surprised grin.
"Heh heh, it seems there are even things you have yet to discover about yourself, my friend" Hudson spoke in that low tone of his that let Robbins know he was poking fun at him a little bit. He could hear the mischievousness in his inflection.
"So... why the sudden inquiry of my dietary preferences?" he quirked his eyebrow at Hudson playfully. He knew Hudson was aiming at something in particular with his line of questioning, the man was far too obvious about it.
Hudson hummed in confusion before his brain processed it and realized the jig was up. He cleared his throat and pulled his hand back from Robbins' touch, which finally drew his attention to it. If Robbins wasn't mistaken, he was a little frantic when he recoiled away. Which made sense now that he thought about it, Hudson wasn't big on shaking hands, so of course he wouldn't exactly enjoy having someone put their hand on top of his. Even if it completely slipped his mind at the time, which he should definitely apologize for.
"Sorry about—"
"No no, i-it's fine" Hudson cut in, shuffling uncomfortably in his chair. "I was just, uh—ahem! Curious" A beat of silence. "That-that's all..." he stammered out, rubbing the back of his neck. Robbins tilted his head at Hudson, a knowing smirk tugging at his cheek, before he leaned back in his chair and hummed to himself.
He put his hand up and turned his face away as he answered back. "Fine, fine. Don't tell me, I don't wanna know".
"Am I not allowed to be curious aboot ye now?" Hudson asked with a chuckle, probably to mask his anxiety of being discovered.
"You're never curious without reason, Hudson" Robbins explained, shaking his head ruefully.
A faux offended guffaw came before his reply. "And just how would you know that?"
"Cuz I know" Robbins shot back, a cheeky grin on his face. "But go on, keep your secrets. Let's do what we came here to do. You finish your homework?" he pivoted as he motioned for Hudson to answer.
"Oh aye, and I've got'a lot to say aboot this here Rainbow Fish!" Hudson declared as he shuffled through what could only be a grocery bag for the book in question.
"Oh, you do, huh?" Robbins answered, knowing full well that Hudson would want to discuss that book above all the others.
Which is why he picked it out for him, he had heard good things about it from the people at Barnes & Noble and even Eddy who either remembered reading it as a child or was currently reading it to his learning disabled cousin. Which was sweet of the kid, really. But of course it didn't have a braille or tape version—not yet, anyway—so Robbins couldn't vet it personally. However, even that was a carefully calculated move on his part.
Because he can't read this book that Hudson clearly wanted to have a lengthy discussion about, their only recourse would be for Hudson to read it aloud to him. So Hudson would be getting double the practice hopefully without even realizing.
"I do, but we don't have to waste time on it. I'm sure ye didn't intend fer me to ramble about a children's book" his student cut in, causing Robbins to lean forward.
"You kiddin'? I'm very interested in what you think about it. But before you tell me though, would you mind readin' it out loud for me real quick?" Robbins requested. "I haven't read it yet myself".
"O'course!" Hudson eagerly replied as he quickly took the book from the grocery bag and flipped through the pages. "Are ye ready?" he asked before clearing his throat. Robbins nodded and Hudson began reading through the story.
He had come a long way in a month, a fact Robbins had tried to make clear to Hudson several times before now, despite the Scotsman's overly modest protests, but it was true. Hudson was actually a fast learner, from what Robbins could observe; he had completed a total of 50 reading booklets and the 7 books he took home last time he visited. That's a lot of work in a short amount of time, factoring in his actual job and responsibilities outside of this, it was pretty phenomenal.
All that work had really paid off, the proof was in the pudding, he was flying through the story with nary a mistake. He only stopped his flow 3 times, but each time he got the pronunciation right, he minded punctuation, and the confidence with which he read was very encouraging. But that was most likely due to him wanting to hurry up and give Robbins the baseline he needed to understand Hudson's position on the story, so he didn't have time to be in his head too much at the moment.
Confidence was his primary problem when it came to his progress, Hudson wasn't just hard on himself, he actively refused to allow himself to fully accept a victory, no matter how big or small it was. Robbins was getting used to it now, but it was still upsetting to witness in real time. He didn't enjoy fighting his friend to just take the slightest compliment or encouraging word, though he understood why it was such a struggle for Hudson.
Being as old as he was and having to start essentially from scratch to learn something that kids have a firmer grasp on was an uncomfortable thought. Add to that the fact that his wife used to do all this stuff for him and the clear grief he's still processing from her absence, how proud he no doubt is in every other facet of his life including leading a team of younger agents who could all read better than him. And of course, the masculine credo of resisting help in favor of looking as strong and capable as possible at all times, so in receiving help, he has shown weakness and vulnerability and must be shamed.
All of these things would weigh him down and color his perception of his accomplishments in the most uncharitable light they could be. Which wasn't fair, but well... everybody knows what they say about teaching old dogs new tricks. Still, Robbins couldn't help wishing that Hudson could somehow turn a corner with his self-esteem and at least be more willing to accept compliments and encouragement. Just that would be a great victory for him and with the life he led, he could use the win.
Hudson finished up the last page and placed the book on the coffee table, to let Robbins know he was done. It was a cute little story, some good simple lessons in there for kids to pick up on easily enough. But clearly there were some troubling elements that he was confident Hudson would explain in detail shortly.
"Before we talk about it, do you wanna get some snacks?" Robbins offered as he stood up to get their usual stuff.
"Aye, that'd be good" Hudson sighed as he rose to his feet and approached Robbins.
Robbins stopped in his tracks causing Hudson to pause as well. "Ooh, I forgot to make a fresh pot of tea" he thought for another moment and sucked in a quick breath. "And I think I'm outta crumpets, sorry" he winced, scrunching up his face. That impromptu nap really threw off his whole routine.
"That's fine, I..." Hudson trailed off before taking a deep breath. "I feel a bit bad for eatin' all yer food every time I visit, so it... it might be fer the best, in truth" he mumbled out his confession, turning away from Robbins as he spoke. Robbins snorted out an amused huff.
"Don't start with that, food's meant to be eaten and it's a crime to have a friend over and not feed them" he said, continuing their trek to the kitchen. "I don't have our usual stuff, but I got an idea for somethin' slightly different".
Hudson mumbled louder than before, "There's no need to force yourself to—"
"It's no trouble at all" Robbins finished as they made it to the tiled floor. "Is it alright if you start talkin' while I make it?" he said as he went for the cabinets.
"Are ye sure ye don't mind hearin' me ramble about it?" Hudson asked, the fire from before starting to reignite. "I wouldn't wanna bore ye, Robbins". The blind writer nearly sprayed spit into the pitcher at the ridiculous comment.
"There is no way in the world this could be boring, Hudson. I can tell how excited you are to talk about it, so please. Tell me what's on your mind" he said, turning his face to his friend to hopefully encourage him to go ahead and say his piece.
Hudson stayed quiet for a moment before his lips smacked. "Well... don't say I didn't warn ye, because I really have a bone ta pick with that there Blue Fish!" From there, it was on.
While Robbins went about taking the cold tea from earlier that day... or was it technically from the night before? Whatever—as he took the cold tea and started adding ice, lemon, and a whole mess of sugar to it, Hudson began laying out all his thoughts about the story.
Robbins had guessed correctly, his primary issue was with the notion that The Rainbow Fish was being ostracized for having something the other fish wanted and refusing to just hand it over when they had no right or claim to his scales. The advice of the wise octopus went against the concept of equal exchange and guarding your valuables from people you don't know, but instead encouraged him to give away his scales, the source of his beauty, to achieve happiness and gain friends. The Rainbow Fish was seemingly the only one with the problem in the story.
It was an understandable position to take, but Robbins found himself favoring a different interpretation. One he would be happy to share as soon as he got the right amount of sweetness and lemon in the iced tea.
"It was as if the other fish were envious of The Rainbow Fish's beauty so they greedily wanted to take from him the greatest possession he had. And in the end, he submitted to the desires of the greedy selfish vagrants who pretended to be his companions only after they got what they wanted from him" Hudson finished up with a huff, the sound of him staunchly crossing of his arms acting as a period.
Robbins nodded as he hummed in understanding. "Well, that certainly does sound troubling" he stopped stirring and offered the pitcher to Hudson. "Here, taste this"
Hudson remained silent for a moment before he tentatively took the pitcher in his hands. "Did... ye mean for it to be so cold?" he sounded incredibly disturbed for some reason. Wait a minute.
"Do they not have iced tea in Scotland?" Robbins asked incredulous. That can't be, iced tea is so common, anyplace you can get ice has iced tea.
"Not when I was there" Hudson mumbled. Robbins refrained from asking aloud, 'when was that, the 1800s?'
Instead he motioned his hands towards Hudson and implored him, "Just take a sip and tell me if it's sweet enough".
He could feel Hudson staring between him and the pitcher, a low grumble caught in his throat as he debated taking a chance on the drink. He finally stopped the stalemate and sniffed loudly, followed by an intrigued hum, then he took a quick sip and smacked his lips.
"That's delicious!" he shouted in wonder, causing Robbins to smile. "Oh my, it's so sweet and refreshing!" he said after taking another, longer sip.
"Toldja you'd like it" Robbins chuckled.
Hudson sighed in satisfaction as he replied. "I do, I like it very much!" he took yet another long sip. "What's it called again?" he asked excitedly. Robbins couldn't help but shake his head ruefully.
"Iced tea?" he answered back confused, as Hudson's gulps rang out. "You really never heard of it before?" he questioned.
Hudson gasped for air as he spoke. "No, and I'm quite upset no one has told me about it until now!" Robbins closed his eyes and worked his mouth wordlessly, struggling to understand.
That is so bizarre, nigh impossible, especially for a secret agent who has presumably been all over the globe. How was this his first encounter with regular old iced tea? Robbins shelved it in his ever growing mental file cabinets of questions surrounding his new friend and turned back to the counter.
"Uh, okay. Well, now ya know" he said rolling his eyes in astonishment and taking out a tray of treats. "Muffin?"
"Thank ye!" Hudson gingerly took the offered muffin, from the top to avoid brushing against Robbins' hand, of course. "This is so different, but so good" he marveled as he crumpled the wrapping.
"Well, that's good to know, we can have this instead of hot tea whenever you like. You'll have a choice from now on" Robbins opened his arms as he explained, leaning his back against the counter.
Hudson halted his movement and lightly exhaled. "I... I appreciate that" he said quietly, smile present in his tone.
"No problem" Robbins reached around and plucked a glass from the dish rack. "Now, the book" he began, pointing his cup at Hudson.
"Aye, I'm eager to hear what you think about it!" Hudson said as he quickly came over and started filling the glass. "Did I get something wrong or—?"
"I wouldn't say you got something wrong, just..." Robbins paused, trying to gather his thoughts. "I think there's some details we need to take note of before we jump to any definitive conclusions. For example, in your assessment of the story, you seemed to view the Rainbow Fish as pretty innocent right?" he asked before taking a quick sip. Damn, that's pretty sweet. May have gone a little overboard with the sugar...
"Aye, he hadn't done anything except refuse to give up his scales, which is his right to do" Hudson confirmed.
"Right, but do you remember what the first few pages said about him?" Robbins put his glass down with a soft clack. "When the other fish asked him if he wanted to play with them, he ignored them and swam away. Like he was too good for them because they weren't as beautiful as him".
Hudson stroked his beard and hummed in thought. "I... forgot aboot that part" he admitted.
"And he didn't just refuse to give his scales to the blue fish, he screamed at him! 'Who do you think you are?! Get away from me!' " Robbins mimicked in a bratty child voice. "Seems a bit over the top, wouldn't you agree? A simple, 'no I'm not comfortable doin' that' would've done the job. But he screamed at the little guy just for askin' if he could have one".
"Well fine, but what made the Blue Fish think it proper to dare ask for one of Rainbow Fish's scales in the first place? They're his scales, they're part of his body, why should he mutilate himself for the sole benefit of a fish who isn't even his friend?" Hudson argued back.
" 'Mutilate himself' is a bit extreme" Robbins pointed at Hudson while frowning. "The character giving of their physical being is not seen as a physically painful or morbid process in the actual story. Therefore, it's not to be taken as literal mutilation or dismemberment, it's meant to be more figurative than literal. And I realize the story doesn't come right out and say this, but it doesn't actually have to, the fact is the Rainbow Fish can regrow the beautiful scales as a normal process of being a fish"
"Regrow the scales?" Hudson asked, surprised.
"Yeah, I mean, all fish shed scales and regrow 'em, it's part of bein' a fish. Rainbow Fish's scales aren't somethin' of so great a rarity that he'll never regrow what he gives away. It's not about the scarcity of scales, but the... the willingness to give of his—his bounty of beauty to the other fish who are tryin' to connect with him anyway, but he made it difficult for them to do so" Robbins explained, gesturing with his hands.
"The other fish were trying to play with him in the beginning..." Hudson added, realization dawning.
Robbins nodded. "Yeah. But because of how much value he put in his beauty, he believed himself to be above others".
"Oh, I don't think that's quite true" Hudson replied before taking another sip. Robbins shook his head before taking a step closer to him.
"Think about it: would a humble person act the way Rainbow Fish acts in the beginning of the story? Completely ignore people who are tryin' to be friendly, scream and shout at someone for askin' if they can have just a little of their possessions, then double down on the 'I'm so beautiful' rhetoric when askin' why no one likes him? Does that sound like a person with a firm grasp on humility?" Robbins challenged and Hudson hummed in thought before answering.
"Now that ye mention it, not really, no..." he mumbled, before taking a sharp inhale. "But should he not enjoy his scales and be proud o'them because he values them, not simply because others like them? And couldn't this apply to both the scales and the symbolism of other things we possess that are beautiful?" he asked, and damn, it was a good point to bring up.
"Of course, but we can't forget what the story tells us is true. He was proud and silent, he believed himself to be above others because of how beautiful he was compared to them. That has gone past healthy self confidence, which is what you're talkin' about now, and stumbled into self obsession" Robbins clarified, taking another step forward.
"Everyone acknowledges that Rainbow Fish's scales are beautiful so that's not the issue. The issue is in what Rainbow Fish chooses to do with the fact that he is beautiful. And what he chooses to do is allow it to inflate his ego and elevate himself above all others. And that's simply not okay" he finished resolute.
Hudson shuffled closer as he replied. "So ye think the octopus was right? Instead'o tellin' Rainbow Fish to enjoy his possessions or engage in a fair trade with others, the octopus tells Rainbow Fish to give away his scales, lose his unique beauty, and become the same as everyone else so he can be 'happy' and have 'friends'. The story teaches that happiness comes from giving in to the demands'o others, that his worth arises from the opinions'o others, and that sacrificin' himself is necessary to get close to other people".
Robbins shook his head. "The octopus's wisdom is meant to be a chance for the Rainbow Fish to employ humility and generosity as opposed to pride and selfishness. The story teaches that pride, greed and selfishness are deterrents to happiness and humility, generosity and self sacrifice are inherently better qualities that will bring happiness. Friendship, companionship, camaraderie, these are forms of happiness easy for children to understand. Friends are good to have, not havin' any is bad, it's simple, broad strokes thematic messaging".
Hudson hummed in agreement as Robbins motioned between them. "But for you and I, we can view happiness in any number of more nuanced non-companion based ways. Fulfillment, making the world a more beautiful place if even just a little bit, having a more accurate sense of self, peace. These are also indicators of true happiness, but most obviously, an increase of love in one's life is always a thing that brings happiness. The enjoyment of his scales increased the more he gave to the other fish, remember? So he's getting more enjoyment from sharing than keeping them to himself".
"I don't understand that" Hudson growled a little. "The Blue Fish disparages his name all over the land—er, sea rather—because he didn't get the scale, which he wasn't owed. It was Rainbow Fish's right to deny anyone of his valuables, immaterial or otherwise. The Blue Fish was wrong for making the other fish ostracize Rainbow Fish, but bowing to his demands somehow makes Rainbow Fish happier? I think I'd feel robbed more than anything else"
"I fundamentally believe that the Blue Fish asked Rainbow Fish for one of his scales not just because he greatly admired them, but because he couldn't find any other way to connect with Rainbow Fish, who he seemed to admire before he rejected him so harshly".
"Really?" Hudson questioned loudly, he was really into this.
"If the scales are meant to be symbolic of immaterial beautiful qualities, then that admiration is even more justified. For instance, a gifted singer or dancer havin' someone ask them for advice on how to improve their own singin' and dancin' skills may be the equivalent here. Or asking if the person wouldn't mind singin' a song for them or showin' them a few moves could also work" Robbins explained before taking another step towards Hudson and another bite of his muffin.
"Somethin' that only the most avid of admirers or-or-or fans would request, not because they wish to take somethin' away from the person. But because they genuinely want to connect with that person on a deeper level" he shrugged and leaned his head away as he continued. "So naturally, a scorned and rejected fan would tell all others the true ugly nature behind the beautiful outward appearance of the person they once admired".
"That doesn't make what he did to Rainbow Fish right" Hudson immediately retorted making Robbins laugh a little at how harsh he was being.
"I didn't say it makes it right, I just said it was a natural response to harsh rejection, that's all" he clarified, raising his hands.
Hudson snorted an angry huff as he brought his glass up to his mouth, evident by the slight echo in his voice. "Well, that blasted Blue Fish ought'a learn how to deal with rejection and keep his mouth shut" he finished just before he took another healthy gulp.
"I can agree with you on that at least!" Robbins laughed, putting a hand on Hudson's shoulder.
"I hate that wee azure hackit dobber" the Scotsman grumbled deeply, in a tone that bordered on animalistic. But Robbins was too distracted by the European terminology he used.
"Ya lost me on that one, what does that mean?"
"Ugly, blue, inconsiderate fool" Hudson listed casually.
"Ah" Robbins blinked before a laugh sputtered out of his mouth without warning. "Fair enough" he said between chuckles.
"I just dunnot know why the Rainbow Fish craves the other fishes' attention. The book asked 'what good were dazzling shimmering scales with no one to admire them' and frankly, I don't know how someone could say such a thing. The beauty of a thing doesn't require admirers, though it certainly would be appreciated. But the lack of open admiration can't deter the actual beauty of the scales, right?"
Robbins' eyebrows shot up as he let that statement sink in. "Well, you're touchin' on some interestin' philosophical stuff there" he finally said, putting a hand through his hair.
"I—I am?" Hudson questioned in surprise.
Robbins nodded to him. "Absolutely. Think about it: what makes Rainbow Fish beautiful in the first place?"
"His scales" Hudson answered quickly.
"Sure, but what does the ending says about him? He was very happy after givin' away all but one of his scales. Does that make him less beautiful in the end?"
"Aye" Again, he answered quickly.
"But does it really?" Robbins tilted his head to the side.
"What're ye gettin' at, Robbins?"
"You're the one that said beauty can be immaterial and the scales can be symbolic of other beautiful things people possess" He reminded, nudging Hudson's arm. "What I'm sayin' is, how beautiful is the Rainbow Fish for sharin' his most prized possessions with the other fish? Did his self sacrifice make him a more beautiful person, ya know, character-wise?" he clarified as Hudson hummed deeply.
"I... suppose one could say that" he finally replied.
"Okay then, so is outer beauty more valuable than inner beauty? And has the Rainbow Fish's newfound humility and generosity given him a more beautiful character than in the beginnin'?"
Hudson stayed silent for several moments. "I dunnot know" he admitted.
"That's fine! There's no right or wrong answer, I think everybody is gonna come away with their own answers to these questions and that makes for a more meaningful discussion" Robbins said, patting Hudson's shoulder gently.
" 'Tis true" he replied. "I'm surprised ye don't see the envy and greed behind the other fish in the story. Rainbow Fish is special and unique and they resented him for that quality. It seems as if the story is saying one shouldn't be special. And if ye are special, others will hate you for it and the only way to be happy is to shed yourself of that special trait. And I feel that is a largely unwise moral to impart, especially children" Hudson folded his arms across his chest as he leaned against the counter.
Robbins reeled his head back a little and sighed. "The message is not that bein' special is a problem, it's how to behave with your specialness that will maximize your happiness in life and keep your ego in check. Which means employin' humility, generosity, and self-sacrifice in healthy moderation" Hudson breathed in to reply, but Robbins put his hand up to pause him. "Now on some level, the concept of people hatin' you for the thing that makes you special has merit. Envy is a very real factor in life and it shouldn't be overlooked when it comes to gifts, talent, skill, and inherent qualities".
"Then we are in agreement?" Robbins shook his head. "Why do ye disagree?"
"Because, critically, it is not the only thing that matters when discussin' the subject. Maybe there were some fish that were envious of Rainbow Fish, and him givin' his scales away perhaps placated those fish, but that wasn't the reason why he gave his scales away. Remember, he was lookin' for a remedy to loneliness, because 'he was the loneliest fish in the sea'. He gave his scales away because he wanted to connect with the fish around him, not because he wanted envious people to not envy him so much".
Hudson grunted before speaking. "Ye don't regard envy as highly as ye should, Robbins. It's quite a dangerous attribute and it's clearly the sin drivin' these lesser fish. Envy and greed in equal measure" Robbins frowned at him causing Hudson to chuckle to himself. "But I suppose that's only one way to look at the story. Ye have yer view and I have mine" he said ghosting his fingertips on Robbins' chest before pulling back. Most likely to point to himself.
Robbins listened to Hudson finish up his muffin and moan while drinking the rest of the iced tea. He couldn't stop the fond smile from creeping to his face. In truth, he wasn't expecting a discussion like this from Hudson, it seemed like he would sheepishly just agree with whatever Robbins said about the story. Which was the last thing he wanted, but he assumed his friend with crippling self esteem issues and who seemed to hang on his every word when it came to literature would be more pliable. Man, was he ever glad to be wrong.
It was disagreements and debates that really made literary discussions engaging for him, always had been. He could enjoy an agreeable talk about this stuff, but it didn't really get the passion going. It wasn't as exciting or intellectually satisfying as having to come against opposition and defend his positions. That was way more fun than just sitting across from someone who nodded along to whatever he said like an obedient little puppy.
He liked the passion, he liked the appeals to different perspectives, and he liked ending a discussion coming away with something he didn't have before going into it. And that usually happened in an argument or debate rather than a nice little conversation with someone he already agrees with on everything. It was quite a pleasant surprise that Hudson was willing to stand his ground on what he believed and force Robbins' perspective through the ringer to see if he himself was missing something or not. He could only imagine how much better these debates of theirs would get the better Hudson got at reading.
And on that exciting note, he realized he hadn't had this type of exchange in a frightfully long time. Usually when he discussed literature, he was on a book tour for one of his stories, and it was only fans or reporters he was talking to, so an actual debate or disagreement was exceedingly rare.
He recalled the odd book reviewer that came to a signing that took up 15 minutes arguing about his rendition of Anansi in his What A Tangled Web We Weave novel. But admittedly he wasn't very interested in the minutia of accuracy in adaption, seeing as making a good story was only ever his primary goal. So that little exchange was just 15 minutes of being yelled at by an African studies major with too much time on his hands.
And before that there may have been a few fans that had intriguing questions or theories about his other stories, like how all of them were secretly connected, which was hilarious to think about. Norse, Greek, Arthurian, African, Shakespearean, Egyptian, and Native American mythology somehow intertwined into one great worldwide mythology. Utterly insane and he made no attempt to hide that fact when presented with the theory. That hadn't gone over too well, but again, it wasn't really a debate or discussion, some people just got a nutty idea, shared it with him, and he laughed in their faces.
In college, he had the most exposure to this type of discourse with his fellow students and the professors. But back then he wasn't as concerned with literature, his focus was more on history during his school days, yet he found himself having some long form disagreements about his assigned reading in his history courses. And it was less about the historical events being depicted and more about how the story was being told, the morality of the characters, the thematic messages being presented, etc.
Suffice it to say, only a couple of his professors were willing to engage with him in this vein, most of his peers and professors were unappreciative of Robbins' desire to debate the quality and merits of the story. They were strictly concerned with the historical accuracy of everything, which was important of course, but not more important than the writing quality and the thematic discussions he wanted to have. So unfortunately it was a time where he was stifled more than encouraged to flourish. Still, his appetite for intellectual stimulation through literary argumentation was whet in those four years. It went on to be woefully unsatisfied, but it was always there.
Now that he actually thought about it, this argument about a children's book featuring cartoon fish trying to discover beauty and true happiness through sharing was the first time he'd gotten to really debate someone on literature. Since he fully entered adulthood, that is. Robbins was sure if anyone else in his friend group had been present for the argument, they'd call both him and Hudson ridiculous for taking such a silly story so seriously, but they wouldn't get it. Any piece of art can be taken as seriously or as casually as the individual wants, depends on how they get the most enjoyment or meaning out of it.
So he didn't mind the extensive philosophical deep dive about a fish giving scales to other fish who may or may not have deserved it in the end. And he was grateful that Hudson hadn't given it a second thought and dived right in with him. It was... refreshing, to be able to talk like this, he realized. His other friends and acquaintances weren't much for books anyway, so it was exciting to have found a fellow passionate reader in Hudson.
"I'm glad we can disagree and still respect each other's position" he said warmly as he nudged Hudson's bicep again, causing the man to huff out an amused breath.
"Aye... 'tis a good thing" he agreed, a fondness in his voice that made Robbins' stomach warm.
"Lemme ask just one last question" he requested, putting up his index finger.
Hudson placed his large hand on his shoulder. "Please" he replied amicably.
"It's clear you think Rainbow Fish's scales are fundamentally an unsharable commodity, which I can understand. But where do you draw the line on sharable and unsharable things in your own life?" he asked and was met with silence. The hand on his shoulder tensed up a bit and he felt Hudson's gaze drift from his face down to the kitchen floor.
"That's... a powerful question, my friend" he managed, rubbing the back of his neck with the hand that was on Robbins' shoulder.
"Take your time, there's no wrong answer here" Robbins assured, not wanting to make Hudson feel rushed or judged. He remained silent for several moments longer before he cleared his throat to answer.
"I suppose it would depend on who I'm sharin' with" he replied, turning away by the sound of his voice.
"Okay, good. So if you were the Rainbow Fish, you wouldn't give a scale to the Blue Fish, but what about your friends and family? Is there any way you would give them a scale or do you deem it unsharable to them as well?" Robbins questioned, offering Hudson another muffin.
"Would there be anythin' wrong with that?" he questioned back, taking the offered treat.
"Not at all, like I said, no wrong answers. It's just somethin' interesting to consider" Robbins smirked before continuing. "And for the record, there's stuff I wouldn't be comfortable sharin' with my family and friends either. Some stuff is just that private that sharin' it would make things worse between me and them".
Hudson stopped fiddling with the muffin wrapper and coughed awkwardly. "Aye... some things are just meant for one person alone" he went silent for a beat. "But how does one determine if that valuable thing is completely private or maybe... maybe sharable in part?" he struggled, while Robbins rested his chin on his palm.
"I dunno, that'd be up to the individual" he admitted. "I'm sure you know what your friends and family are ready to receive from you" he perked his head up to correct himself. "Worthy to receive, even".
Hudson remained still for a moment, clearly stuck in his own head at the comment. "That's easier said than done" he whispered in a scratchy voice. Robbins felt a bit guilty for unwittingly touching a sore spot for his friend, so he went about remedying it.
"Well, in the case of the Rainbow Fish, I would call him givin' away his scales as spreadin' his beauty to others and enrichin' the lives of his new friends. Thinkin' of it that way, would givin' your people what you consider a beautiful scale... would it spread the beauty of that thing or dilute it?" he dropped, hoping to bring Hudson out of his sudden funk without dismissing whatever he was grappling with.
"Another difficult question..." he mumbled back before sighing.
"Do you think it'd make ya happier or closer to them, at least?" Robbins added, hopeful. He moved a half step closer to Hudson, his hand back on the Scotsman's shoulder to comfort him.
Hudson fell silent again, but slowly Robbins felt his gaze return to his face. He went to stroke his beard and that was the only sound in the room other than the hum of the refrigerator. And just when it seemed like Hudson wouldn't answer and Robbins opened his mouth to speak, the Scotsman beat him to it.
"Maybe it would, but..." he whispered softly, more to himself than Robbins. He cleared his throat and spoke louder. "The risk is far too great, presently. It's too soon to bring... it would be better to wait for things to... quiet a bit more" he settled on.
And "settled" was fitting for what just happened, Hudson clearly had way more on his mind than he was saying. But Robbins wouldn't push, he wouldn't judge, he wouldn't prolong whatever issue he unknowingly uncovered with his questioning. This sore spot was evidently one that directly concerned Hudson's friends and family, people that knew him far better than Robbins ever would. Hudson didn't need a virtual outsider poking and prodding him about his most intimate and sacred relationships, and frankly Robbins wasn't comfortable doing that.
He knew that Hudson needed more emotional support from their previous talks and that his friends and family were unable to give that much needed service to him, but he didn't know how deeply the issue ran. Hudson was purposefully keeping things from them, preventing himself from gaining access to their support, essentially handicapping their effectiveness in his life. He was cut off, he cut himself off from them, probably in a bid to protect himself from getting hurt. But... was that a rational fear for him to have?
Of the little Hudson told Robbins of his team (or "clan" as Hudson preferred), they seemed like an okay bunch. Hudson never mentioned any disrespect or outward malice or belittling within the group, he only had good things to say about them. Vague surface level things, but good nonetheless. The same for his late wife, she seemed to be a perfect angel of a woman. So Robbins was at a loss for why he kept them all at arms length, because there didn't seem to be a reason to do that.
Robbins shook his head a bit. He was jumping to conclusions with next to no evidence to support said conclusions he had gone and jumped to. Which is why he didn't like being in this position, he wasn't exactly qualified and he didn't want to overstep and offend Hudson when he didn't have all the facts. Probably never would, because the man's a secret agent, he has to keep a lot of things to himself. He reaffirmed that he'd be Hudson's support in whatever capacity he was able to and that it would be a very delicate and gradual process.
And maybe what that looked like was just convincing his friend to open up to the people closest to him. But he'd arguably done too much of that tonight, so he was perfectly fine with shelving all this for another night. Besides, it was Hudson's life, he was the one in charge of it. Regardless of how Robbins could clearly see (metaphorically, of course) the damage his friend was doing to himself by cutting off his support system. It was still a choice Hudson was free to make. He'd just try to nudge him off of that course and back to a healthier one over time.
"Hudson, it's your special thing, you get to decide if or when you want to share it with whoever you want" he said, slinging his arm over Hudson's shoulders. Which took a little bit of effort considering how wide his frame was. "I just wanted you to think about it for a lil' bit, that's all" he said low, ending with a warm smile.
Hudson merely hummed in response, distracted. Robbins cleared his throat and patted Hudson's shoulder.
"Hey, why don't you give me a hand makin' another batch of iced tea? We'll go back to the study, make some more progress with our lessons, maybe talk about the Merlin novel if ya want?" Robbins offered, squeezing Hudson's shoulders with every suggestion. He could feel the tension leaving him the more he spoke, but he remained quiet.
Until Hudson croaked out a few low noises then spoke up. "Can we make it a wee bit sweeter this time?"
Robbins snorted a laugh as he gave his shoulders one last squeeze. "Sure thing, buddy". Robbins found himself hoping Hudson didn't have diabetes, because wow did he have a sweet tooth.
Author's Note: Long chapter, but oddly enough not too many notes for it. Like I said, mainly a setup chapter with a little development of previous plot points, but mostly setup.
Speaking of, I wonder what's goin' on with that whole Werewolf situation we keep seeing in the news? Eh, it's probably just an urban myth, nothin' to worry about.
All of Robbins' most disliked foods are mine X'D I can't stand any of the foods mentioned in that section, they all nauseate me, especially chitlins, bleugh. DX
Iced tea, if you can believe it, did not exist in 900 AD Scotland. I know, shocker. Plus I don't think there would be any point before now where Hudson would be exposed to it specifically. Soda, juice, lemonade, hot tea; for sure. But iced tea is such a specific thing that I'm not sure anyone in the Manhattan Clan would seek out, considering how engrained it is for them that tea is meant to be hot. So I figured Robbins letting his tea get cold, would rework that to his benefit and also introduce the beverage to Hudson for the first time.
This is also a reference to one of three good episodes of the infamously non-canon Goliath Chronicles, The Dying of the Light, wherein Hudson visits Robbins and they share some iced tea. Robbins says "You can't leave without one last iced tea, extra sugar", which always stood out to me as a key detail. The line makes it sound like this is one of Hudson's favorite drinks and that he has a massive sweet tooth. Because I mean... black folks' iced tea is always sweet, you emphasize "extra sugar" on top of that and we're getting into diabetes-inducing sweetness. Which is how I like it, to be perfectly clear, X'D
So for all these reasons I decided to include it in the fic ^v^
Symboltisms all around this chapter, woooo! Yeah, I don't have much else to say about it, just that all of the literary conversations will have deeper meanings, so feel free to dissect them and tell me what you got out of them! C:
Speaking of book talk, look at that Anansi name drop! And that whole list of different mythologies that Robbins has written about, wow. I wonder if there's anything significant about that, hmm. And of course, I couldn't help but make the joke about Oberon's Children essentially boiling down to this crazy idea that all mythologies are connected and a product of a mythical Third Race. A crazy idea that's just crazy enough to work, right? XD
Hudson's very European insult for the Blue Fish is me trying to add more color to his vocabulary. If you noticed, you probably didn't because it's not super important and it's a really small detail but anyway—Hudson's vocabulary and Robbins' vocabulary are notably different. Hudson uses more flowery, old timey, poetic language whereas Robbins is more modern, vaguely intellectual, standard language. But it occurred to me that this would also apply to insults, idioms, etc. So I figured I'd get on that this chapter. Get ready for more ye olde profanity and such in future XD
And that's all I have for you this time, see ya for the next chapter for a POV switch ;)
