"So Compassion then?"
"Always."
"It grows strong and fierce in you, like a cancer."
"I hope so."
"It will kill you in the end."
"I wouldn't die of anything else."
"You're going to die."
"…What?"
Durandal unconsciously uttered, the frankly out of nowhere statement catching her off-guard.
She lifted her head and turned to the source of the voice, where she found a girl sitting on top of a long medical bed, back arched forward as she forced her upper torso upright, leaving the lower half covered by the thin blanket. Her arms –wrapped in tight bandages with bruises visible through the thin layer of their gown– extended downwards, their palms planted against the mattress for support as they simply kept their eyes on Durandal.
That girl…was none other than her younger sister.
"Um…What did you say, Sirin?" the woman found herself asking, too surprised by the bold statement to properly process it.
"Tch."
This only earned a scowl on the other girl's face, her narrowed yellow-eyes broke away as she rolled her eyes, before lifting herself just a bit as she leaned to the side, her long silvery hair slithered along the bed with each movement.
"I said…you're going to die," she stated, again.
"Why would you think that?"
"Oh please, anyone with a pair of eyes and a heart can see. It's written all over your face," Sirin scoffed at the question, as if the very nature of it was insulting to her.
Maybe it was, Durandal had a hard time understanding Sirin, even when they were kids.
"You run away with a group of misfits, get into trouble and then along the way, you save someone or something like a hero in a fantasy tale. Who cares if it comes at the cost of your physical or mental well-being, it's just a story! And you know what that gets you? A coffin ten feet under."
"Is that…how you see it?"
"Is there any way else to see it?" The bed-ridden girl immediately retorted, a sentence so overwhelming with genuine hostility that even her older sister was taken aback.
Realizing that, the girl quickly calmed herself down, though a scowl was still clearly present on her face. She sighed, forcefully, gripping the sheets under her just a bit before continuing.
"Sooner than later, you're going to get yourself killed, and for what? To be a hero? Are you going to leave a massive mess for everyone else to clean up after you? Do you even have any idea how big that would even be? Or were you so busy running towards your own death that you never once bothered to stop and think?"
"Sirin…" Durandal uttered, her eyes traced over the other girl's furious expression.
It was odd, how quickly her younger sister was growing hostile to her again. She had thought that after what they had just gone through –the tight wrappings around Sirin's throat gleaming through the thin fabric of her gown being a physical reminder of that– that the girl had grown somewhat amicable towards her. At least, that's how she had shown Durandal just a day or two ago.
But now, it felt like all her progress had been reset, and the girl had gone straight back to treating her like a stranger. Or perhaps…
"...Sirin," she said again, her eyes trained onto the girl. "..What brought this on?"
She was right on her intuition it seemed, as Sirin's previously angry expression quickly melted into surprise. Before long, any aggression the girl had towards her suddenly vanished, as if deflated by the simple question itself. Or perhaps she was just too tired to keep it up anymore, turning away as she stared aimlessly at the far end of the bed.
"...Ever since we were kids," the girl suddenly voiced, earning the undivided attention from Durandal as she sat right beside her. "You were always so…stubborn, so sure of yourself that you don't even think about how others might see you, how they might feel about you. And then you ran, leaving a hole that even now I'm still trying to fill it up because of you."
She couldn't hold her gaze on Sirin for long after hearing that however, her eyes faltering as she slowly deflated from the statement.
Sirin was right, after all, she did run. She ran away from her responsibilities, her duties, her role as the oldest daughter of the house; she ran from it all.
All because she couldn't face herself to stay.
"Do you even know how messed up our parents were when you disappeared from the face of the Earth? Their oldest daughter just…vanishing without a trace? How much it hurt them to lose their child in that way?"
"Mmm, I know…" Durandal said, her gaze fixated on the floor. "I met them after all."
"And what about us, huh? About me? About Kiana? Did you even think about what would happen to either of us when you left? Did it ever cross your mind until now?"
"It has."
The answer stunned Sirin for a moment, seemingly unprepared to hear such a statement. Regardless, Durandal kept her head lowered, her palms squeezing her knees tightly as she echoed a long, drawn-out sigh.
"You're right. You're absolutely right, Sirin," she then said. "I really am stubborn. I can't see past myself until it is too late to fix anything. Because of that, I ran away. Because of that, I hurt our parents. I hurt Kiana. I hurt you."
She then closed her eyes, letting the weight of her words ground her to this world.
"There hasn't been a day that's gone by where I haven't regretted what I did on that day. Not one second. The thought of going back, of redoing it all…it has crossed my mind more times than I could ever be able to count in a lifetime. And I can never forgive myself for that."
"..."
Silence took over the two of them, the heavy admission making any words meaningless.
The anger that Sirin had, the frustration built up for years until now felt like it meant nothing, drowned away by the endless sorrow that was the lost time between the two sisters, whose face neither had seen for nearly a decade. And now, both could not bring themselves to look at each other properly, with one with their head hung low, and the other looking away as she contemplated everything she heard.
Before finally, Sirin took in a breath, her fingers curled inwards on the soft bed sheets.
"Stay with me then."
"…"
The other didn't answer, prompting Sirin to turn her head towards Durandal, her shoulders pushed forward as she leaned more into her arms, just to get a bit closer to her big sister.
"Stay with me, and I'll find you a job that you can do. I'll even do the same with your entire team if you want me to. You don't need to keep running around with a deathwish like this, just give it up. Just stay. For once…just stay with me."
Durandal remained silent, only to slowly reopen her eyes, unknowingly hidden from Sirin's piercing yet pleading ones.
The girl wasn't really wrong, and Durandal knew that. So many times she had thrown herself into harm's way, with little regard as to what happened to her. So many times she had forsaken her own life all for the sake of the many, even when she knew how much it would hurt those she saved.
No. It was precisely because she knew how much it would hurt them, that she chose to ignore it. It was because she knew how painful it must be that she kept running, avoiding looking back so she could convince herself that the path she was running on was the right path. It was the only path for someone like her.
It was why she was here now, beside the girl whom she had wronged so much and hadn't seen in so long. It was why it had taken her so long to finally try to confront it all, because deep down…she could never forgive herself for it.
But even so…
"…I'm sorry, Sirin," she finally answered, lifting her head to look at her sister. "But I can't accept that."
Immediately, any hint of softness on Sirin's face vanished, replacing it with one of utter shock and anger, her hostility palpable as she practically jumped in her bed at Durandal.
"You–! Do you still not get it?! How many times do I have to–"
"But," Durandal interrupted, which made the girl pause for just a moment. It was all the Kaslana needed. "It's not because I want to be a hero. It was never about that. I don't believe someone like me could ever deserve such a title."
"...Then what is?" Sirin asked.
"...'Fixing something is more than just mending what was broken…it's to make something better than what it was before'," Durandal said, a sad yet peaceful smile slowly taking shape on her face. "Someone taught me that. Someone very dear to me."
"So what? What does that have to do with any of this?"
"In another word…you're wrong, Sirin," she uttered, earning an audible "ha?" from the girl. "About one thing. I'm not running anymore, not again. I'm right here, sitting next to you. Talking. I can never forgive myself for what I did, nor will I ever expect you to do the same for me. I can't go back to fix what I have broken…but I can make it better. I can still try."
"And if that means dying…if it means I can make things better, to give someone a chance to be better, to help someone see that part of themselves that I once couldn't see, then…"
Durandal then looked at Sirin, her piercing yet comforting blue eyes utterly captivating the girl as she looked back at her.
"...I wouldn't die any other way."
"..."
Sirin didn't say anything. It wasn't that she couldn't, it was because she knew it didn't matter.
No matter what she would say now, it wouldn't change Durandal's mind, the latter seemingly chuckled softly as if acknowledging that fact. Nonetheless, it was a melancholic one.
"I'm sorry, I'm a horrible big sister, aren't I?"
"...Yeah, you really are," After a long delay, Sirin finally answered, her voice lacking any real emotions other than exhaustion. She then quickly expressed it through a loud sigh, letting herself fall into the bed as her back sunk into the soft mattress, a palm planted on the side of her face. "And here I thought I got through to you…dammit, you are all the same, aren't you? You Kaslanas…"
"Aren't you a Kaslana too?"
"I'm adopted, or did you forget?" Sirin scoffed at that, turning her head towards the window beside her bed. "I'm not like any of you reckless maniacs, gunning for a heroic death like some knight in a fairy tale. I'm not stupid to believe in such wishful thinking."
"Hmmm, then why did you go and dye your hair white?" Durandal remarked, already knowing the answer to that, or at least, the answer that Sirin had told her explicitly.
But even in spite of that, the girl still flinched, as if failing to realize that fact. It was enough for her to know the true answer anyways, a soft smile plastered on her face.
"Oh shut up, you know why," Sirin replied, crossing her arms before giving a side-way glance at Durandal. "And what about you huh? What's up with that hair color anyways? Isn't that way too flashy for a nervous wreck like you to have?"
"Now that's harsh. But I quite like this color," Durandal said, brushing her fingers through a long strand of her strawberry-blonde hair. "It was Rita who picked the color for me. Said that it suits me quite well."
"Well…at least someone on your team has a good eye," Sirin remarked, earning a chuckle from Durandal.
"I'm glad you think so…then?"
After a brief but nonetheless significant moment, Sirin sighed, her shoulders slumped further into the pillow she was pressing against.
"Do whatever you want. I don't really care either way."
"Mmm, than–"
"But," Sirin suddenly said, raising a finger towards her. "On two conditions."
"Oh…what are they?"
"One, don't you dare die before you talk to Kiana," the girl lit up briefly at that, before returning to a more casual scowl. "Because of you, that girl is all sorts of messed up. So fix it, got it?"
"Mhm, I know. I already planned to visit her next after your recovery," Durandal said, trailing her gaze away from the bed. "There's…so much I need to say to her, and to say that I'm sorry too."
"You better," Sirin huffed, before raising another finger at the woman. "And two…don't you dare die. You can play the hero or not all you like, but the last thing I need is for our parents to find out you're gone for good again after they just had you back. It's impossible enough to deal with them the last time you vanished."
"Mm, I won't."
"I don't believe that for a second."
"I know. Don't worry, I have someone to keep me in check."
"Hmph…" Sirin huffed, before turning her head to the window again.
"...Why don't you come with me?"
"Ha?" Almost immediately however, the girl snapped her head back to Durandal, looking in disbelief.
"To visit Kiana I mean. It's not just me that she's missing, isn't she? When was the last time you two saw each other? Surely she'd want to see you again too."
"...She won't," Sirin quickly denied, wiping the stunned look off her face. "Unlike you, my face is plastered onto every TV channel, and anyone can get sick of gawking at me after a while. Doubt that girl would even want to see my face again from that."
"Even so–"
"I said no," Sirin only repeated, getting the woman to quiet from the intense glare she was giving her. It didn't last long however, her yellow irises softly flickering as it dimmed, turning back towards the window beside her bed once more.
"Besides, I doubt she wants to see me…not after what I…" the girl couldn't finish her sentence, her voice dying in her throat as she gazed out into the world outside.
Durandal held her sight on the girl, before slowly, an understanding smile spread to her face as she lifted herself off from the chair…and wrapped her arms around Sirin as she pulled her into a soft embrace.
"H-hey, what are you–" Startled by the action, Sirin tried to protest, only to have Durandal gently whisper into her ears.
"There there, it's okay," Durandal said, stroking the back of Sirin's head as she closed her eyes. "It's alright. I get it."
You really aren't that different, Sirin.
Durandal couldn't say that however, partly because the girl would never accept such a statement, and partly because it didn't matter either way.
Sirin was still her sibling, and that was all Durandal needed.
"Who said you could pat my head damnit," Sirin growled, struggling to escape from Durandal's grasps as the woman had a surprisingly firm grip on her, or perhaps she was still too weak to properly struggle out of it.
Either way, she eventually gave up on the task, reluctantly letting herself sink into her sister's warm hug and the gentle strokes on her hair, her yellow eyes drifting down to Durandal's shoulders. "…Don't go missing again, or else our parents won't…I won't.."
"I know. I won't. I promise," Durandal softly said, leaning into Sirin's ear just a bit as she brushed her fingers through the girl's hair. "And when I come back, let's both visit Kiana together, alright? She deserves to have both her sisters back."
"…I'll think about it," she simply said, but it was enough to earn a relieved smile on Durandal's lips, pulling her closer to her chest as she held onto her younger sister with all her heart.
"I love you, Sirin."
"…You're an idiot…Bianka."
Slowly, Sirin's arms moved upwards, before she too gave her big sister a soft hug, merely closing her eyes as she allowed herself to bask in the afterglow.
Durandal smiled at that, her hand resting behind Sirin's back as she settled into their embrace, finding unending relief to be able to hug her younger sister again.
And she wondered…how much warmer would it be if Kiana was here too.
Durandal sat quietly inside the spacious cafeteria, the sounds of rhythmic footsteps echoing across the floor as flutters of doctors and nurses occasionally passed by the relatively busy area. Sitting beside her was Rita, whose eyes were trained onto a phone placed neatly on the table in front of them.
Opposite of the table to them was Ana and Owl, with the latter keeping his arms crossed as his face conveyed no visible emotions, merely holding his gaze lowered, seemingly waiting for something. Ana on the other hand was having her focus elsewhere, a slightly worrisome expression on her face as she held her gaze across the room, where a blue-haired girl was busying herself at the food stall.
"…So," Durandal uttered, her blue irises momentarily glancing over to the girl at the food stall, before returning to the table. "Please explain the situation to us, Alvitr."
[Yes, Captain] the female voice echoed on the other end, a slight hint of nervousness palpable in her tone. [Although I was unable to gather all the details, Mrs. Sirin was able to give me a brief rundown of the situation.]
That was enough to bring everyone's attention, all focused on hearing what the girl has to say. Even Ana took her eyes off the awfully casual girl a fair distance away from them, reluctant as she was to do so.
[As of now, someone, undoubtedly one of the higher-ups from the Kaslana household, had started to grow suspicious of some of the recent meetings Ms. Sirin has had, specifically with you Captain. That suspicion only became apparent once they found out where you were sent to, and subsequently requested your immediate transfer, most likely to gather intel from your meetings with Ms. Sirin.]
Durandal nodded at that, her eyes narrowing slightly at the implications behind this person's actions. It was clear enough that whatever their intentions are, it was not to any of their or Sirin's benefit, and more of an "attack" on the girl than anything. As for whether that "attack" would pay off…the Kaslana still needed more info to know for sure.
For now however, there was something arguably just as crucial for her to ask, her hand unconsciously gripping onto the hem of her uniform just a bit more.
"What about my parents? Do they know of anything yet?"
[No, they haven't. Ms. Sirin made sure that it didn't reach them, it helped that you hadn't recently met with them to warrant any suspicions.]
Durandal heaved a relieved sigh at that.
[However, there's no guarantee that she can keep it that way for long.]
"I understand, she's already handling so much," Durandal said, her eyes flickered with guilt for a moment before hardening. "What about the transfer? Can she delay or prevent it?"
There was a brief, suspenseful silence before Alvitr spoke again.
[…Only for you, Captain, but even so it would only be until the next day. Any more and there would be serious complications. As for us…we're forced to go by tonight.]
"What…" Ana quietly whispered, disbelief crossing her face as she processed the information. Owl didn't show any change in his, however his head ever so slightly tilted forward, his jaw clenched just a bit tighter.
Rita was the most composed out of them, her head only lowered slightly as if to nod, eyes narrowing sharply as she held her gaze on the phone.
"…I see," Durandal said, lowering her head as she mulled over this, closing her eyes briefly before reopening them. "Thank you for all this, Alvitr. Please keep in contact and provide any more information if anything arises. We'll be in touch."
[Copy that, Captain. I'll make sure to relay anything else I can find. Signing out.]
With that, the call promptly ended, leaving the group in eerily calm silence, only broken by the soft chattering and flatters of plates surrounding them. It did little to truly calm any of them down however.
"...This..'person'," Ana was the first to speak up, her chin lifting up slightly to face Durandal. "Who could that higher-up be? And what do they even want from Ms. Sirin?"
Durandal could only shake her head at the girl's questions, a forlorn expression plastered on her face. "I can't say with any certainty. But whatever it is, it isn't for any good reasons, that I'm sure of."
Rita gently nodded her head, her posture straight as she interjected with a hand slightly raised above her chest towards the others.
"We could only speculate, but Ms. Sirin Kaslana has always had a less than amicable reputation amongst the people within Lady Durandal's family. Whether it is due to the nature of who she is or her actions as part of them, are not something we can deduce with any concrete evidence."
"Mmm, that's right," Durandal said. "But..knowing my sister, she won't ever do anything that would actively put people in harm's way. That isn't who she is. So whatever this dispute she may have, is more likely due to internal affairs than anything external."
That seemed to quell the nervousness from Ana's expression, her eyes lowering in contemplation. Durandal accepted that for now, at the very least reassured that her squad understood where she was coming from. After all, they had all worked with Sirin for some time, and could more or less attest to this very fact.
"Nonetheless," Owl finally joined the discussion, his voice as calm as ever. Though there was a hint of something more behind his stern gaze, his arms remained crossed in front of his chest. "We no longer have time on our hands now. Our plan in figuring out where Raiden Mei is keeping Kiana has failed. What are your orders, Captain?"
Durandal took in his words with deliberation, her gaze gently lowered as she hummed to herself. As she briefly glanced up however, she noticed Ana's conflicted expression, her torso slightly fidgeting with stiff yet noticeable movements.
"What is it, Ana?" She found herself asking, causing the girl to further sink into herself, her lips thinning as she pried it open to answer.
"I..believe it was my fault that the plan failed," she said, earning a surprised and slightly confused look from the Kaslana. Ana only lowered her head at that. "If I hadn't let my guard down and distracted Owl, we wouldn't have suddenly lost track of her. If..neither of us had run down that alley with such reckless abandon because of me, she likely wouldn't have noticed anything odd and…we wouldn't have failed in our mission. I'm sorry."
The confession made Owl's face briefly flashed with honest surprise, his mouth slightly gaping as if wanting to protest. It was rare for him to show that kind of expression to anyone besides Ana, much less in front of their entire group.
However, faced with such an admission, Durandal simply shook her head, a look of understanding present on her.
"There's no need, Ana. I don't blame either of you for this. Ms. Raiden…she likely already had her suspicions even before all this, and it's likely because of my hastiness in wanting to confront her. If I hadn't come to meet with her so suddenly that day, then things would have gone a lot differently instead. So it was my fault, I'm sorry," she slightly bowed her head to the two, which only made Ana widened her eyes from utter shock, only amplified by the guilt she felt. Even Owl couldn't help but hardened his expression even further, the grip on his forearms tightening ever more so.
"Captain…" Ana uttered.
"It's okay, Ana. I'm only being honest," Durandal softly reassured the guilt-ridden girl, flashing her a comforting smile before returning to a more serious expression once she saw the girl accepting it, albeit reluctantly.
Except for Rita, whose expression only stiffened beside Durandal, her hand clenched on her lap.
"Right now, we need to focus on what we can do. Owl, did you manage to secure Bronya's phone?" Durandal turned her attention to Owl.
Upon being asked, Owl swiftly uncrossed his arms, reaching down into his pocket before pulling out the very device and planting it onto the table. Just from a glance, the screen was cracked, with some of the buttons on the side visibly jolted out from its metal casing.
"It's broken as far as I can tell," he said, earning a nod from her before she rested her eyes back onto Ana.
"Ana, is it possible for you to fix it by tonight?"
The girl took a brief moment to register the question, her mind still lingering on her own guilty consciences. But understanding their situation, she sighed, letting herself relax a bit as she turned her full attention onto the broken device on the table, picking it up.
"...Without the right equipment for it, it might be difficult to do so. But if you just want it functional again, then yes, I should be able to finish it by today."
"That's good. I want you to get on with that as soon as you can."
"But what for, Captain?"
"Right now, Ms. Zaychik is currently under the care of the hospital. But she needs someone to watch over her. Before we leave, I want to get into contact with her relatives, and inform them of what happened if at all possible. If she has any."
"I see…I'll do what I can," Ana replied, before carefully tucking the device into her inner jacket.
"As for Raiden Mei…" Durandal muttered, her gaze dropping to the table. "So long as she remains in the hospital, there's very little we can do. She might realize that's the case as well, but either way…Owl, can you go to her room for me and check if she's still there?"
"On it," Owl said, standing back up as he took one step to the side before glancing back at her. "Do you want me to go into her room?"
"No, I just want you to make sure that she's still there. As for what we can do…I'll figure something out."
Owl nodded at that, before swiftly exiting the conversation as he walked to the end of one hall, disappearing behind a sharp corner. Just as he did, a familiar voice sounded out next to the group, specifically right next to Ana which nearly startled the girl as she jolted back behind her.
"I'm baaaack," Kira said in an oddly casual tone, holding a large tray of what looked like freshly made food. "Got each of us something to eat as well. They're pricey as heck though! Guess that's hospital's food for ya."
The cheerful woman then gave a wide smile, which only made Ana sigh, her eyes darting up to stare at Kira.
"Is this really the best time for this, Kira?"
"What? Don't tell me you're just gonna starve yourself? Failed mission or not, you still gotta eat," with that said, the girl promptly placed the tray down, and began handing out each meal for each respective member.
For Ana, it was a bowl of caesar salad.
For Owl, it was a simple bowl of curry with a side of rice.
For Rita, it was an odd mashup of different cultural cuisines that frankly, didn't make much for cohesion or logical sense. Despite that, the woman still thanked the girl, acknowledging her efforts for trying.
As for Durandal, it was much like Rita, a mix between foreign and native ingredients. Though it's likely because the Kaslana herself never showed much of a preference, so the girl probably just picked what looked good for her.
"Huh, where's Owl?" Kira asked, her hands planted on her hips as she scanned her eyes around the cafeteria.
"He went to check on Raiden Mei's room," Ana promptly answered, reluctantly giving in to the girl's request as she grabbed the plastic utensils from the tray, and handed each pair to Rita and Durandal, both simply nodded at the girl.
"Awwh, and I even got him his favorite. Honestly that guy, you should really keep more of an eye on him, Ana…" the girl commented, which only earned a surprised "huh?!" from Ana, who seemed utterly flabbergasted by her.
"It was me who requested for him to check on her, Kira," Durandal interjected, grabbing the girl's attention. "Although, you seem to be in good spirits."
"Well, yeah, because we still got you after all."
That sentence caught everyone off-guard, with Rita giving a rare wide-eyed look at the girl. Even Durandal herself was surprised by the overly optimistic statement, to which the girl simply smiled back at her as she sat down next to Ana.
"What? You always managed to find a way to solve everything in the best way possible, so I'm sure even without us, you can still find a way. You've done that lots of times now."
"It's…not the same, Kira," Rita remarked, a dubious look crossed her face as she stared at the girl.
The girl casually shrugged, simply digging into her meal –a healthy serving of rice and freshly cooked pork chop– with a fork.
"It isn't? We've been through worse, haven't we? And even then, our Cap managed to get us out just by talking to people."
"Yes, but the circumstances of that are vastly different from now," Rita said, breaking away from her ever so proper posture as she leaned forward, her chest raised in exasperation. "You can't be so sure that she'll be able to solve every–"
Before she could finish her sentence however, Durandal stopped her, her hand gently placed onto Rita's, who upon feeling the warmth of her lady's fingers on top of hers, paused and turned to her side. The Kaslana smiled softly at her, leaving the woman agape before slowly, albeit reluctantly, she returned back to her seat once more, this time with her eyes turned away from the group, her bangs covering one side of her face.
Durandal held her gaze at her partner for just a moment longer, before breaking off as she returned to face Kira.
"Thank you, Kira, for believing in me. I'll do my best to live up to your expectations."
"Oh you already have," Kira remarked, before stuffing her mouth with a large forkful of rice, earning a dumbfounded look on Ana's face at the sheer audacity of the girl's actions.
That earned a small chuckle from Durandal, who also began to dig into her meal as well. It was only now she realized she hadn't eaten anything today.
As she lightly swirled her spoon around her plate, her mind drifted back to Kira's comment, the thought lingering as she bit into her meal.
…Talk…
"She's not in her room."
Those were the words Owl spoke to Durandal, shortly after the man had arrived at Raiden Mei's room and found no one there. He had immediately called for her once he made sure that she was nowhere in sight, the news of which stunned the Kaslana only momentarily before she quickly departed from the rest of the group, instructing them to spread out to look for the missing woman.
A part of her mind thought of the possibility that the woman had simply left the hospital as soon as she could, and while that was certainly possible, she would be lying to herself if she said she believed in it.
In fact, it was precisely because of her skepticism of that possibility that Durandal found herself walking along a narrow hallway of the hospital, passing by familiar signs and corridors that she had once gone through just hours prior to this moment.
She took a sharp turn once reaching the end of the hall, and as soon as her eyes peered into the next corridor, she immediately landed on the sight of the familiar woman that she had been looking for, her long violet hair unmistakable from this distance.
Durandal didn't speak, nor did she take another step further. Instead, her eyes slowly drifted from the back of that woman and towards the door directly in front of her, a glass pane installed onto the top of the doorway.
She didn't need to guess which room the woman was peering into, the answer of which made her eyes soften slightly, an inexplicable expression slowly creeping onto her face.
She watched as Mei slowly, very slowly, lifted her hand and pressed her palm against the glass, the bandages wrapped around her fingers clear as the bright hospital lights shone from above them.
She couldn't tell what the woman was feeling, her face hidden by the sides of her flowing hair, gently waving along the empty air as her body shifted from side to side ever so slightly.
Yet even so, Durandal could swore she could make out the tiniest of trembles coming from Mei, her hand twitching ever so slightly. And that alone was enough to tell her what she was feeling.
So, with a soft exhale, she pressed forward, her boots audibly clattered across the surprisingly empty hallway except for the two of them.
Immediately, Mei's head lifted, having heard the sounds of Durandal's footsteps. She made no effort in acknowledging who she was, however, merely keeping her gaze –at least, Durandal believed that she was– onto the glass panel on the doorway.
It was only when Durandal stood a meter away from her, the Kaslana's blue irises being just close enough to peer into the same glass panel of the door, did the woman finally acknowledge her presence, a raspy usher of words leaving her lips.
"What do you want?"
The whisper was low, yet no less intense, making even the Kaslana –who had readied herself to face the woman until now– flinched back slightly from how unapologetically cold it was.
Nonetheless, she quickly recompose herself, her gaze trained onto the side of Mei's face before answering. "I…the nurse couldn't find you anywhere when they came to check on you. I volunteered to help find you."
It was a lie, of course. Although the nurses were alarmed when Mei had suddenly vanished, it wasn't necessarily bad enough to warrant a search. From their view, Mei had only suffered mild burns, and provided that she doesn't overly tax herself, should be able to recover relatively okay on her own.
However, Durandal couldn't bring herself to say that, even if she hated lying. There was something stopping her, something that has been gnawing at her ever since her conversation with Bronya.
Something that would explain this familiar feeling within her chest every time she looked at Mei.
"...Hmm."
The woman only hummed at that, not even bothering to turn to face the Kaslana. Durandal paid it no mind, instead casting a glance over to the girl's bandaged hand before continuing.
"Even if your burns are mild, you should still rest. It's not good moving around too much–"
"I'll be fine. Thank you for your concern," Mei immediately cut her off, not even giving her the time to properly react before she shut down any attempts at striking a conversation with her. "You can leave now."
Yet even as she told her off, there was a noticeable tremble from her palm pressed against the door, the movement only becoming easier to spot from this distance. Durandal wanted to say more, but in the end, she relented, understanding that pushing this any further was only going to make it worse.
The woman didn't want to talk, she understood that perfectly.
But even so…if not now, then Durandal had no idea when they could ever talk again. If there would even be a chance to.
She had to try. It wasn't enough to just fail once. She can't afford to keep failing anymore, not now.
She owed it to Bronya.
And with that, Durandal lowered her head, seemingly about to make her leave, at least, Mei seemed to think so anyways; her lips heaving a small imperceptible sigh.
"She's more than just a friend to you, isn't she?"
The sudden question from her however threw any notion of the girl leaving out of Mei's mind, a flicker of surprise flashed through her slightly opened lips.
"...What?" She muttered to her, to which Durandal slowly turned her gaze over to the same glass panel on the door.
"Ms. Zaychik…she told me about you," Durandal replied. "About how you saved her life, more times than she could count. She said…that she could never repay you enough for it."
For a moment, Mei remained silent, her mind slowly and methodically processing every word that Durandal uttered.
Her palm twitched at those words, "saved".
Durandal didn't notice however, her eyes still glued to the glass.
"Is it true?" She then asked, as if seeking an honest confirmation from Mei herself, like she had one to give.
"...No."
She was still given an answer however, one that immediately rejected any and all notion of such an admission she had received from Bronya, earning a side-way glance from Durandal as she tried to get a read on Mei's concealed face, finding nothing.
"She was wrong. I never did such a thing."
Even as she spoke those words however, the Kaslana could see the trembling on her palm growing ever so slightly, her fingers slowly curling into itself.
"It was her who saved me instead. Always her," Mei lowered her head as she said, the bangs falling over eyes. "...Always saving me, always thinking about how I feel, how I was, and never about herself. Always just so…stupid."
Her lips began to quiver, her words blurring together as her palm –now curled into fists– began to shake against the door frame.
"I never asked her to…I never wanted to be saved. So why…why did she…why was she the one to suffer? Why couldn't it be…why…"
She couldn't finish that sentence, her voice losing any sense of composure as she finally broke down, a choked sob leaving her dried-out throat. She didn't care if Durandal was watching, not right now. All she could bring herself to care about…was the tears that fell down from her face, droplets forming on the cold white title of the empty hallway, save only for the two of them.
And Durandal stood beside her, her mouth gaped open as she witnessed it all.
And it was then…that she finally understood. The confusion within her heart, the nagging that ate away at her mind that made her incapable of properly resting, the familiarity of Mei's confession…it all made sense to her now.
After all…Durandal felt the same way.
"...When I was young," the Kaslana softly said, turning away from Mei's sobbing form to give the woman any semblance of privacy, her head held low. "I ran away from my home, from my family. I was only 16 then."
The sobs continued, albeit slightly less frequent. It brought relief to Durandal's heart that Mei was listening.
"I…didn't really know why I ran back then. Why I decided to leave everyone I cared about in such a horrible manner, and left no trace of where I was gone. It…took me a very long time to figure that out."
Durandal then lifted her head, a softer expression taking over her face as she held a melancholic expression on her soft features.
"...I ran..because I hated myself."
"..."
Without Durandal's notice, Mei lifted her head as well, her face turned to stare at Durandal, a wide-eyed look on her tearful face.
"I hated who I was…what I was back then, and I couldn't bear to live with it; not around them. I felt like a burden, a load so heavy to carry that no one should ever have to shoulder, nor deserved. I…felt like a nobody, a good-for-nothing, that did nothing, yet earned everything. It wasn't right, and it ate away at me every day I woke up and looked them in the eye. So I ran. I ran as far as I could, never once turning back because I thought it was the right choice for me to do so. That it was better that I wasn't there, that they would be happier without me ruining their life."
She paused for a moment, the emotions welling from within her chest as her lips quivered for a brief instant, before she tightly held them together, holding a breath down before continuing.
"...There hasn't been a single day in my life that I haven't regretted that choice; that I haven't hated myself for what I did that day. The moment I chose to abandon it all, I became exactly what I had felt that I was then, and it haunted me for every waking moment that I had."
"I wanted to die. I wanted to be proven that I was deserving of death, that no amount of mending could ever fix what I broke. That the only way that my sins could ever be repaid in full…was my own worthless life to be rid of. I still think that way sometimes, even now…"
Durandal closed her eyes, and in that brief second of darkness, she saw flashes of her own life played before her.
Her footsteps echoing loudly across the dirt road, her eyes blurred from the relentless tears that fell down her face as she ran and ran, the image of her family –her home– growing ever so distant.
Her screams of anguish and self-loathing aimed towards herself as she bawled into the dark corner of an alleyway, repeatedly banging her head against the cobble wall just to bring any kind of relief from the unimaginable pain that pierced through her heart. She could almost feel the blood dripping from her head from the sight alone.
The shudder she felt as she stood on the edge of a bridge, gazing down at the bottomless depths of the blue sea that was all that she could see. The intrinsic fear she experienced as she fell back onto the safe concrete pavement, followed only by the anger and hatred at herself for denying what was her own punishment.
The constant sighing and tired blinks of her eyes as her very life continued on in dull colors, her age passing as she jumped from job to job, doing whatever to keep herself afloat, eventually landing into the officer uniform she was now masquerading as, all those years ago.
Her life was nothing but a blurry image of meshed up days and months, the Kaslana never once deviating from the dead-end path she felt grimly determined to go on. For the girl back then, there was only one thing she could bring herself to think of, the only thing she deserved to think about.
If Durandal couldn't bring herself to die, then she'll kill herself slowly and painfully. Until the day she drew her last breath, finally reaching the end with only a nameless nobody as her identity. She still thought back to those days, wondering if some part of her, that very past, was still there in her psyche, always whispering to her to return to that same path. Perhaps…she did, without even realizing it. It wouldn't be the first.
But then…an image of someone began to appear in her mind, their visage all too familiar to her.
And it was then that she could hear Mei's voice once again, a sudden yet quiet question echoing from beside her like a confused plea for understanding.
"Then why are you still here?"
"...Because I had someone," the confession felt light in its delivery, Durandal's eyes reopening again as she turned to face Mei.
It was then that Durandal smiled, one overwhelming with a brittle gentleness laced with such sadness, but a smile nonetheless.
"Someone that saved my life, just like Bronya had saved yours."
She could see Mei's tearful eyes widened, her gaze for once breaking away from the glass pane to stare at the floor, as if in shock.
Durandal then lowered her gaze, as if recalling everything that happened after.
The image of her and that certain someone's first proper fight came into mind, a relief spreading through her chest. Even now, that memory still shone so bright in her mind.
"They helped me realize that what I felt wasn't all true, that I had only wanted to convince myself that it was. To persuade myself that dying was something that I deserved, never cared for by anyone else. They showed me…that I was worth saving, that I always had worth, even if I didn't want to believe it. And because of that, because of them…I now have a debt I can never hope to repay in my lifetime, and I am thankful for that."
"Because I care about you!"
Mmm, that's right…those were the words that you said to me.
She had never forgotten it, not once.
Those very words had saved her life, and had brought back meaning to an otherwise empty existence that was Durandal's. She couldn't imagine her life any more differently without it. She found no need or desire to.
And so, Durandal smiled, grateful for who she was now, and thankful for the people she now has in her life.
"...Why tell me this?" Mei asked, her voice sounding so hesitant to ask that very question, as if she had already known the answer.
To the surprise of the violet haired woman, the Kaslana cast a soft look over to Mei, a genuine look of understanding and empathy plastered onto her.
"...Because I think you feel the same way."
"..."
"I don't know what you've been through, and I can't pretend that I do. But maybe, just maybe, I felt what you did, what you are feeling right now. Even if the resemblance is slight, I want to believe that I understand, that I want to help."
"...How can you be so sure?"
"Because of that look on your face."
The question jolted Mei, her head snapping upwards, and with it, her hair fluttered back, finally giving a proper reveal of her tearful face. Mei's indigo eyes were held in a stunned wide-look, tear marks staining her scratched and bandaged cheek. And yet…it was unmistakable to Durandal, how much pain and guilt that was etched into her expression, her jaw clenched tightly as she couldn't bring herself to utter a single retort against the Kaslana.
Finally, Durandal turned her body to properly face Mei, her arms slowly raised forward.
"Maybe I can help, even just a little. I'm so sorry for everything that has happened, to Bronya, to you. I want to amend my mistake, and I want you to do the same. It doesn't have to be any other way than this. Please, Mei. I just want to talk."
"..."
Mei looked down at Durandal's outstretched hand, her irises flickering as she thinned her lips at the gesture. Durandal looked at her pleadingly, her palm opened as she waited for the girl to take it, a desperateness to her gesture that was so palpable between them.
And then…
"...I don't know what you're talking about."
Nothing.
Mei's eyes only lingered on the Kaslana's hand for just a moment, before suddenly breaking away as she began to walk down the opposite way of the hall. Durandal was stunned by this, a second passing by her before she could properly react, extending a step towards Mei as she shouted.
"Wait Mei!" Durandal called out to the girl, surprise all too obvious in her urgent voice, prompting Mei to halt for just a moment. "Where are you going?"
"..."
Mei gave her a side-way glance, her mouth opened as if to respond. Yet no words came, merely a quivering lip sealing shut, before she continued her march down the hall, disappearing from Durandal's sight.
"Mei…"
The girl silently whispered, her arm lowered to her side. Slowly, her hand bawled into a fist, Durandal biting her lower lip as she held an unbroken gaze at the empty hall before her.
The image of Mei's face replaying within her mind over and over, until it abruptly stopped as she heard the voice of someone familiar echoing from behind her.
"Lady Durandal," Rita called to her, rounding a corner as the Kaslana turned to face her, prompting Rita to widen her eyes at her expression. "Did you…find Raiden Mei?"
"...Yeah," she admitted, lowering her head slightly.
"...Did you manage to talk to her?" Rita softly asked, walking up to her lady as she slowly and tentatively raised her open palm towards Durandal, who simply moved hers as she gently grasped Rita's hand, giving it a soft squeeze as the woman pressed it against her cheek.
"I did," she replied, her hand placed on Rita's. She then brought her sight back onto Rita's own, a shakiness to her blue irises palpable, yet there was strength within them. "I think…I know what to do now. What I should do."
Rita gave a surprised look at that, before quickly recomposing herself as she stepped closer, her palm still softly placed on Durandal's cheek.
"I'm listening."
"Well, this sucks," Kira exclaimed, her back arching forward as she let out an exaggerated sigh, the duffle bag on her shoulder lazily slid down her shoulder and nearly falling to the ground. "Can't believe we have to make another back-and-forth trip again, I really thought we were done with this!"
"If you have time to complain, then pay attention to where you're standing," Owl remarked, walking just a fair distance behind the girl, one arm dragging along a small luggage, the other holding onto the strap of his backpack. "You're right on the yellow line."
"Oh yeah? Why don't you come and drag me back then…" The girl simply taunted him, her hand waving back and forth in a downward motion, as if beckoning him to come over.
"You reeeally should listen to him sometimes, Kira…" Ana interjected immediately, walking up to stand right beside Owl. "The safety line is there for a reason after all."
"Hey, don't go picking his side just because he's carrying your backpack! And why do you get that privilege anyways?!" Kira yelled, seeming furious at the obvious favoritism between the two of them from Owl, who simply rolled his eyes at her antic.
"Well…I guess you are right.." Ana tried to appeal to the two, which ended up doing neither as Kira just simply deflated, an even heavier sigh escaping her lips.
"I'm glad to see you're still as energetic as ever, Kira."
Suddenly, a familiar voice caught all of their attention, their eyes turning to the sight of Durandal walking down the long track of stairs, with Rita right behind her.
"I hope you can keep that up once you're back," she continued, giving each one of them a thoughtful glance before turning her attention to their surroundings.
They were currently standing inside an underground metro station, located someplace in the center of Nagazora City. Even though it was late into the night, the place was strangely desolate, completely barred from any other people besides them.
Although Durandal herself didn't know how this was done, she certainly knew who was responsible for it. That girl had been helping her and her crew since the very beginning after all, it only made sense that even at this chaotic of a time, she still managed to pull something like this for their sake.
Was it because she didn't want Durandal's departure from them to be interrupted by outsiders, even if she didn't know that was the case? Was her sister really that sentimental?
Maybe, although it could just be a coincidence, it was one that the Kaslana still felt a tinge of gratitude for.
She's going to need it for what she was about to tell them.
Bringing her sight back onto her crew, she noted their lighter than their usual outings baggage. At least, it was much smaller than what they usually carried around. Of course, being undercover meant that they had to severely limit what they are allowed to carry with them without attracting too much attention –although the latter has become a null point by now– which meant that her crew wasn't operating on their fullest capacity. Most obviously was Kira, who was the most vocal about the need to ditch her personal rifle for the sake of the mission. She can still remember her tearful and emotional face when faced with that decision, the image earning a small smile on her lips.
A smile that Rita took notice of, her steps halted the moment Durandal stopped in front of her crew, her soft yet observing eyes gazing thoughtfully at the Kaslana. And for just a moment…she tightened the grip she had on her uniform sides, before shifting her head lightly to the side, her eyes hidden behind the bangs of her hair.
"Here to see us off, Cap? Oh you shouldn't have," Kira quickly turned her attention onto Durandal, giving the captain a bright yet playful smile, her mood suddenly shifting completely just a moment ago.
"Mmm, I want to so don't worry," Durandal reassured her, taking her playfulness as genuine with a smile, before returning to a more serious expression. "And also, I want to get a final report from you all before you leave."
At that, Owl turned to face her, his posture remained seemingly relaxed, yet there was a subtle stillness to his appearance, making it looked like he was almost blending into the environment itself.
"I checked the cameras in the hospital like you asked, and from what I found, Raiden Mei left the hospital less than half an hour after you encountered her," he said, slightly monotone in his voice. "I tried to track her down, but without time, I could only assess that she wasn't in her home. That's all I managed to gather."
"Thank you, Owl, that's good enough," Durandal softly replied, before bringing her eyes onto Ana. "And Ana, were you able to repair Bronya's phone?"
"Mhm, although 'repaired' might be a bit too optimistic…" Ana answered, reaching into her inner jacket as she carefully took out the previously broken phone. "The screen may be a bit hard to see, but it should function somewhat. At least, the more basic functions can."
"Can it do calls?"
Ana nodded.
"Then that will do. Thank you Ana."
Taking the phone from Ana's hand, Durandal briefly gave a glance at it. The cracked screen was the most notable thing from the phone, taking up nearly half the screen itself. Even now as she was holding it, she could almost feel the splintered shards of glass slowly biting onto her skin. She kept a light grasp on it, making sure to place her fingers on the side so as to not accidentally prick herself, before handing it over to Rita, who quietly took it without hesitation.
"Rita, try to see if you could call anyone that might be related to Bronya in some way, and inform them of what had happened," she said, earning a simple nod from her partner before Rita held the phone firmly in her hand.
For just a moment longer, the woman's eyes were glued onto Durandal's face, earning a questioning look from the Kaslana, before she swiftly turned and walked away from the group.
Durandal held her gaze on the slowly distancing woman for a bit longer, not quite getting the look that Rita had given her.
"Um…Captain?"
The voice of Ana brought her out of that train of thought however, turning her eyes back to the rest of the crew, who were all staring at her.
"What is it, Ana?"
"Have you…figured out something?" Ana asked, hesitating for a moment as she seemed to mull over her words carefully, before continuing. "Without us, and with so little time…is there really anything you can do?"
At that question, the Kaslana didn't answer immediately, which only seemed to spur more worry from the three.
It wasn't that she had no answer to it.
The girl was just gathering the wits about her to say it, lowering her head slightly as she took in a long, deep breath through her nose.
Finally, she lifted her gaze back onto them, facing their concerned eyes with a stern look, yet filled with conviction.
"I have a plan."
It was a foolish plan, of course. She of all people knew just how dangerous and risky this was.
Her answer earned a surprised look from Ana, who then pressed on with slightly more vigor within her voice. "What is it?"
They're not going to like this, I'm sure of it…but I still have to try.
"...I'll look for Raiden Mei, or at least get in contact with her and try to meet up with her. And if it's in any way possible…I'll try to talk her down and get her to turn herself in. Willingly."
It was a ridiculous plan, receiving an appropriate widened look from everyone present. Ana was the most obvious, her eyes held wide open and standing right in front of Durandal. Owl was more subtle, however his pupils were visibly dilated, his mouth slightly opened from surprise. Kira was the most unusual however, her lips arching upward almost into a smile, yet falling halfway and remained in an awkward position. Honestly, Durandal couldn't tell what that girl was thinking with that expression.
Understanding their more than likely outrage response to her so-called "plan", Durandal quickly tried to explain, the sternness in her voice gradually giving way to a more shaky tone of voice, though there was still a palpable sense of determination behind it nonetheless.
"When I ran into her at the hospital, she was standing in front of Ms. Zaychik's room, staring at her through the glass pane. When I talked to her, I could feel the pain and regret in her voice. No…I know that that is what she felt. Which is why I believe this is doable. If I can just talk to her again…I can convince her to stop all this. I know that it's possible…"
At that, the three didn't answer, merely exchanging glances to each other.
Durandal held her breath, the suspense of waiting to hear their response, whatever that may be, being far more dreadful than she initially had imagined when she told this to Rita. Though the look that Rita gave her was far more intense than what was being shown to her now, it still felt nerve-racking nonetheless.
After what felt like the longest minute of her life, the three of them lowered their gaze at one another, with Owl being the first to respond to her suspenseful waiting with a firm look, his face too neutral for her to decipher anything he was feeling.
"Are you sure about this?" the man simply asked, and Durandal opened her lips, weighing the words on her tongue as if it was the most important question she had ever needed to answer. In a way, it was.
"...Yes," she finally did, an unmistakable look of resolve etched into her fierce yet soft expression. "I'm absolutely sure."
"...Hmm."
He hummed, closing his eyes as he slowly crossed his arms in front of his chest, letting his backpack hang loosely on one side of his shoulder. Then, he reopened them, and what she could only describe as stern gentleness took over his expression, one Durandal never thought she would ever be privy to seeing.
"Good luck."
"...Huh?" Durandal uttered, even more surprised by what he had said. No, it was rather the lack of anything else that made it so shocking to her.
This seemed to earn a light chuckle from Kira, who finally settled onto a grinning expression as she shrugged her shoulders, her duffle bag long since fell.
"You heard him, good luck on that Cap!" She chimed in, only adding more confusion onto Durandal's face as she struggled to comprehend their more than optimistic responses.
"You two…" Ana muttered, a soft sigh escaping her lips at both of them. But even she began to smile, returning the Kaslana's confused look with an understanding look. "But they're right, you're going to need all the luck you can get. Please be careful as well, Captain."
"I will, but…" Durandal uttered, her gaze shifting through each one of their faces, all holding an approving look at her. "You all don't seem that surprised."
At her remark, Kira was the first to respond.
"I mean…it's you, Cap. That's totally something you'd do."
The answer only seemed to further confuse the poor woman, who was expecting much the opposite of a response than what they were giving her.
"What Kira meant by that is…" Ana interjected, recognizing that very confusion on Durandal's face. "We were all getting worried when you started going off on your own the past week, so to see you coming to this conclusion…it was a relief to us."
"It…was?"
"Mhm, because this really is what you would do, after all."
"You really got us all worried and stuff when you were being so angsty," Kira playfully remarked. "Even Rita was getting anxious. I have never seen her looking like that so often in one week!"
"It's good to have you back, Captain," Owl chimed in, his statement bringing Durandal's eyes onto him. "It's a good thing."
"I…" The Kaslana failed to properly voice the confusing mess of emotions she was going through, shock and utter relief at their genuine encouraging words. "I..guess I really did go off the rails for a bit…I'm sorry for making you all so worried."
"It's okay, we understand," Ana said, before giving the girl a slightly more serious look. "But you have to be careful this time, alright? You're going to be on your own this time."
"And unlike last time, we won't be able to get you out of any pickles you might find yourself thrown into, so be extra careful!" Kira joked, a wide smile plastered on her face, to which Ana seemed to not take too kindly too, eyeing the girl with a genuine glare that made Kira jump in place.
That finally earned a smile on Durandal's face, amused by the girl's antics, and yet also relieved. It was like a weight had been lifted from her chest, and she found herself able to relax fully, the tensed shoulders she had held up for the entire day finally given the chance to rest.
"...Thank you," she then uttered, capturing the three's attention. "Thank you all for believing in me. I promise, I won't let it be for nothing."
At that, the three passed a glance to each other, before all turned to look at the Kaslana.
All three of them smiled.
"""You never have."""
"Stay safe, alright Captain?" Ana said, holding Durandal's hand as she gave it a soft squeeze, earning a small nod from her.
"I will. Safe travels to you both, Ana, Owl," she replied, giving Owl a glance as he nodded at her.
Ana smiled, a faint sadness still visible through her eyes as she uttered. "Goodbye," before letting go of her hand, and walked up the small flight of stairs along with Owl, as they headed into the train.
Durandal smiled at the two departing figures, before finally turning her gaze over onto Kira who was standing on the side, rubbing the back of her head.
"Is there something you want to say, Kira?" She asked, the girl seemingly hummed in response to that.
"Well..I don't really see why we have to say goodbye. We'll see each other again soon after all," she answered, before taking a few light steps towards the Kaslana. "Still, I gotta ask…are you sure about this plan of yours?"
"I am."
"Hmmm, got it. Then here."
Reaching behind her, the girl then flung something into the air, of which the Kaslana swiftly caught with a surprised look on her face.
"This is…" she uttered, looking down at the object she had just caught.
It was a small revolver. Specifically a New Nambu M60.
"Nabbed it from the station before we left," Kira said, putting her hand on her hips as she gave a grin at the handgun. "Figured it might come in handy. Couldn't find any more rounds for it though before someone took notice, so there's only six shots inside it."
"You…stole it?" Durandal couldn't help but mutter, utterly flabbergasted by the girl's action, but even more so that she even got away with it without anyone noticing. "How did you even do that?"
"That's my secret," she said with a wink, before letting her face naturally return to a more normal expression. "But keep it on you. Even if you are just going to talk, it's better safe to have it than not. And be cautious when you do find her. If she isn't anywhere you can visibly see her, assume that she's behind you and watch your back. You wouldn't want to be caught surprised if she decides to pull something on you, alright?"
"I will, but…Kira…"
"Hmm?"
"You sound so different."
"Aaah, I guess I do huh?" The girl repeated, a finger slowly twirling with her light blue hair in an almost bashful manner. "Guess I'm just enthusiastic about these things."
"Mmm, it's more than that," Durandal lightly shook her head. "You're only like this when you're with me. Why is that?"
"Hmmm…" Kira hummed, crossing her arms as she cocked her head to the side in a thoughtful manner. "...Let's say if I'm always so serious, wouldn't the group be too much?"
"What?"
"Well, if everyone is always so tense all the time, it would just be too doom and gloom right?" She then smiled. "So I figured someone has to be the 'life of the party' to keep us going. Somewhere along those lines, yeah."
"...I see."
Durandal uttered, before slowly, she then smiled too. "Thank you then. I owe you one."
"Oh don't mention it, it's not like I'm pretending to be something I'm not," she chuckled, before throwing her arms up in a stretch. "Just upping my antics a bit more and no one even batted an eye. Heh, I'm pretty good at acting, eh?"
"Eeeh, I wouldn't say that."
"Hey hey, you're gonna hurt my ego with that response, you know?" Kira replied with an insincere scowl on her face, before the two quickly bursted into a small laughter between each other.
After a moment of calming down, Kira then gave a more genuine expression this time. "Well..see you soon then?"
"Mmm, see you soon, Kira."
With that, the two finished their final exchange, with the girl gently waving her arm back and forth behind her as she boarded the train. Durandal waved back, standing firmly in place as she watched her crew slowly departing away, partly sad that she won't get to see them for a while, but hopeful nonetheless.
As the train finally disappeared from sight, Durandal let out a soft sigh.
"Lady Durandal."
Rita's voice brought her back to reality for a moment, returning the woman's serious gaze with her own. "Rita, did you…"
The woman nodded, walking up as she held the broken phone with both hands.
"I contacted someone. They'll arrive at the hospital some time later today. Most likely three to fours from now."
"I see…" Durandal muttered.
"...What will you do now?"
At her question, the Kaslana thought for a long, uninterrupted moment, before she answered.
"There's still one more person I want to talk to."
Durandal quietly opened the door, each step light as she moved past the now open doorway, before gently shutting the frame behind her. The sounds of mechanical beeping was the first thing she picked up, her gaze glancing upwards to survey the room she now found herself in.
It was a simple hospital room, made with the sole purpose of housing any bed-ridden patients. There were no windows, only a bed and a chair situated next to it, the heart monitor placed right next to the former, its methodic beeping filling the quiet room.
The room felt stilted, sterile in its utter stillness that every breath she exhaled felt like it was breaking that very balance. Even so, the Kaslana pushed forward, stepping closer towards the bed, where a figure laid motionless.
Her soft blue-colored irises fell onto the bed, its height anchored slightly below her as she stood next to it. Her gaze slowly trailed upwards, until she reached the face of the person she had been meaning to talk to again for the past day. At least, what was visible.
That person was Bronya Zaychik, her bandaged face concealing most of her features, yet still leaving strands of silver-gray hair that was unmistakably hers. Even then however, she could still make out the burnt ends, the sight made her heart winced from the regret and responsibility she believed she held herself for.
The girl's body didn't fare any better, with one side of her arm and leg bandaged completely, the rest of her only covered by a light blanket. She could only imagine how agonizing the pain must be, a part of her wondering if the poor girl could feel any of it in her state of unconsciousness. She didn't like that she thought of that.
The monitor continued to beep, indicating that the girl, although badly burnt, was otherwise alive. It had relieved her when she heard this some hours ago, but now seeing it in person just hurt.
"Bronya…" She found herself uttering, her hand slowly lifted upwards to reach for the girl, before stopping herself. "No, I can't…"
She couldn't bring herself to touch her, fearing that she might end up damaging any of the newly grafted skin that was bandaged around Bronya's body. There was nothing she could do anyways even if she did come into contact with her, a thought that felt somewhat bitter to think aloud.
However, something caught her eyes between the blanket covering the other side of Bronya's body, her curiosity immediately stoked by it.
She didn't know why it had such a pull on her, when she understood the potential damage she might accidentally cause to the girl, but the Kaslana found herself reaching forward once more, moving past the girl's chest before landing on the other side of the cover, pulling it over the girl.
The sight of Bronya's unbandaged right arm left Durandal in shock.
There were scars littered across the girl's arm, spanning from her wrist up to her forearm, and even into her sleeves. They were old, damaged and done a long time ago, but that wasn't what appalled the Kaslana. No…what truly unnerved and made her skin crawl…was the shape of these scars, and the implied cause of it.
Because for some, it was easy to identify what could have caused it. A knife, or any sharp object would have left such a deep and long gash that no longer bled along the girl's elbow, or the circling pattern around the end of Bronya's wrist, like she had to wrestle out of her tight bindings that made every movement pure agony.
But some…some were far more unique. A distinction between the rest that frankly made Durandal shuddered at the revelation upon figuring it out.
The scars on her forearms…are caused by fingernails digging into the skin.
She noted the odd scarring bumps on the girl's forearms, each drilled deep into her skin that could never escape. They were tissue damage only truly replicated by driving one's fingernails so deep and hard against skin, that it began to puncture and make that very area bleed.
The sight of them brought back unpleasant memories to Durandal's mind, memories that she didn't think she would ever be reminded of on another person's body. For just a moment, she could feel the old wounds on her arm panged against her nerves once more. And Bronya had plenty of it.
To say Durandal was unsettled by the sight was nothing but an understatement. She was utterly appalled by it, marks that only aroused endless questions into her mind.
These scars…did she do this to herself? But why? Why go out of your way to…unless she didn't. But even so..what even happened for this to occur? Why was she hurting…
What happened to you, Bronya?
It was a question she knew she would never get an answer to, even if the girl was awake to answer it. How could she? She only found out about this because she only noticed it when the girl wasn't covering it up with her long sleeve jacket. How could someone like her, who only knew this girl for a few days could ever come close enough to earn an answer or explanation as to any of this? The answer was simple.
Whatever happened to her, was not something Durandal was privy to, nor was it anyone's.
But most of all…it was the final piece of the puzzle, slotted in place in her mind.
And Durandal gazed at the girl below her, a softness to her expression that failed to convey the sorrow and understanding that she felt for the girl at this moment, wondering if she would ever see it.
Because now, she finally understood what Bronya meant back then.
Because now…it finally made sense to her.
"She saved you…didn't she?" The Kaslana quietly uttered, her voice soft and filled with emotions she can't even begin to properly put into words. "From this…that's why you cared so much…I get it now."
Because I have someone like that too. Someone very special to me.
Slowly, a sad smile spread across her lips, her hand gently raised to caress the girl's bandaged cheek for just a moment.
"You should tell her that when you wake up, Bronya. I think…she'd want to hear it from you," Durandal muttered, before slowly, she backed away, standing over the girl once more."...I'll keep my promise to you, Bronya. But not at the cost of my sister. That's something I can't ever allow myself to abandon again. But…I'll try, I swear."
After a moment of unresponsive silence, Durandal reached into her pocket, taking out a small walkie talkie as she slowly and carefully snuck in under Bronya's pillow.
"I don't know if you can hear me, or if you heard anything I just said. But if you did, you can talk to me through this device; it will always be on from my end. And if possible…I'd like your help in talking through to Mei as well. I think..no, I know she'll listen to you."
With that, the woman stood back up, her hand gently caressed over the blanket and softly grasping at the girl's hand, giving it a squeeze before letting go. "See you hopefully soon, Bronya."
And so, as Durandal made her way over to the door, a soft buzz reverberated through her pockets, her eyes flickering downwards as she took out her phone to check.
There was a single message, with the address linked into it.
[Let's talk.]
Durandal took her first steps out from the hospital's back entrance, the path devoid of anyone besides her. As she did, her eyes flickered to the night sky, a peerless black void staring back at her, with only the gentle glow of the moonlight being the only source of light around.
And yet…the woman felt at ease.
She wasn't alone after all.
"...Lady Durandal," her partner's voice called out to her, like a gentle melody to lull her into slumber. It was soothing, it was comforting, it was everything she had grown to associate with safety and serenity.
And it felt shaky, like a fragile foundation about to collapse from a simple gust of wind.
Durandal brought her eyes back to the ground and towards the voice, finding Rita just outside the doorway.
Rita was looking at her, her dark pink eyes stood out under the dim glow of the sky. Instinctively, Durandal found herself relaxing, her shoulders faltering imperceptibly.
"...You're going alone," the ever so proper woman muttered, her hands clasped in front of her like always. Even so, Durandal can't help but notice how tightly she was gripping the fabric of her uniform, even when obscured by the dim glow of the moonlight.
"...Yes," the Kaslana softly answered, her sight moving to the side of RIta. "It's me who Mei wants to see. If I bring anyone else with me, it will set her off, and it's most likely we won't be able to talk."
"...Do you believe..that you can talk?" Rita asked, her gaze trained solely on Durandal. The latter gave her a small smile.
"I have to try," she replied. "It's what I'm good at after all."
Rita stayed silent, her face conveying no visible reaction to Durandal's answer. Unbeknownst to the Kaslana however, Rita was biting her lower lips, before forcing herself to take another step down the small staircase.
"Let me go with you," she said, each step descending her further down to Durandal's level. "It will be safer that way."
Durandal just shook her head at that. "If she sees you, then there's no way she'd listen to me."
"I'll be cautious."
"Even if you were, we have no way of knowing if she's watching or not."
"Then let me stay somewhere close-by, I can watch out for you."
"Rita–"
"Please."
The woman's desperate plea stunned Durandal for a moment, her eyes trailed upwards to meet Rita's own, who was now standing just inches away from her.
The woman was clutching tightly onto her uniform, a hand planted firmly in front of her chest. She looked at Durandal, almost desperately, those pink irises Durandal had come to find so much comfort in seeing trembled with intensity.
"...Please," Rita uttered once more, lowering her tearful gaze away from her. "Let me go with you…I don't…I can't let you get hurt."
It took everything the woman had to finally utter those words, the words she had been holding within herself the entire day.
And it was then that it finally dawned on Durandal, a realization that made her mouth laid gaping, her eyes softened as she recognized the mistake she had made.
She hadn't been fair to Rita at all.
All this time, the Kaslana has been neck-deep into this investigation, looking through everything and anything of note. She had buried herself in her search for her sister, desperate for anything that may lead her to an answer she had been looking for. Then when she found it, she dedicated all of her efforts into it, sparing no expenses.
And no matter what, Rita was always by her side.
No matter how deep she was in her own frustration and pain, Rita was always there through it all.
She was there when Rita felt relieved at the hope of finding her sister again.
She was there when she needed someone to talk to.
She was there when she needed to be cared for, to be supported.
No matter what or where she was, Rita was always taking care of her.
Could Durandal really say the same of herself?
No.
Of course not.
She was too hasty. Too recklessly determined to seek out answers.
Because of that, she caused things to get worse for those that did not deserve it.
Because of that, she caused more problems to those trying their best with what they were being dealt with.
And because of that, she neglected the most important person who stood by her through it all.
And now, with so much on the line, the risks involved being more clear as ever to the both of them, that very same person had finally had enough with her. The woman clenched her fist in front of her chest, beaming her beautiful eyes towards Durandal like a stranded ship searching for a beacon; salvation.
I am such an idiot.
In an instant, Durandal closed the remaining gap between them, her hand reaching upwards to gently caress Rita's cheek, wiping away the soft tears that were building up in the corner of her eyes, and she whispered. "I'm sorry. I should have realized sooner."
Her admission seemed to surprise the tearful woman, her pinkish hue irises widened ever so slightly, before she leaned into her touch, a soft hum emanating from her tightly closed lips.
"I was so caught up with everything, that I didn't realize how much you have been dragged along with me too. I'm so sorry, Rita."
"Mmm…it's okay. I don't blame you for any of it," Rita softly uttered, her hand slowly moving upwards to grasp Durandal's. "Then..will you let me…?"
At that, Durandal stayed silent, her head lowering away from Rita's pleading gaze.
"...I don't want to risk losing the one last chance to talk to Mei, and so I have to go alone," she finally answered, which only earned a shudder from Rita, who seemed poised to response back immediately before stopping at the sight of Durandal's soft and pleading eyes, staring back up at her. "And I want you to stay here, with Bronya, to make sure that the person you contacted will be there for her. I want you to do that one last thing for me, please."
She pleaded, her eyes boring into Rita's stunned ones. The woman opened her tight lips as if to protest, yet faced with such a face, she could only let them quiver in response, before she broke her trembling gaze away from the Kaslana.
"...That's unfair," she uttered, her voice shaky.
"I know. I'm sorry," Durandal replied. "I just don't want you to get hurt."
"I don't want you to be hurt," Rita retorted back.
"I won't."
"How can you be so sure?"
Durandal gently smiled at that, before tucking her hand down to the woman's chin, lifting her head back to properly face her.
Rita's eyes were glossy, the tears staining those beautiful pink irises that made Durandal's heart flutter every time she found herself staring intently at them. They were always so firm, holding a strength that she knew the woman had, yet right now, as of this moment, they seemed so fragile, like a single push was all that was needed to utterly shatter what strength they now held so little of.
It made Durandal think of nothing more than to hold her, her hand caressing the woman's soft cheek as she pulled her closer, the other extended outwards to grasp Rita's waist, keeping her body firmly pressed against hers.
And for this moment, this singular eternity of a second under the moonlight, Rita was all that Bianaka Kaslana knew.
And the gap closed, their lips gently pressed together as both closed their eyes, letting their instincts for one another to do the rest.
The kiss only lasted truly for a few seconds, and yet to both it was beyond an eternity. Rita instinctively leaned into Bianka's soft and welcoming arms, her closed eyes leaking soft tears as she indulged herself for this one selfish, greedy act. Bianka repaid in kind, her hand trailing down to her partner's shoulder as she gave in to every bit of push from the girl's lips, embracing every part of her to her heart's content.
The full moon shone down onto the two, casting a soft gentle ray of light that only made their face illuminated against the darkness that surrounded them. And yet, all they could feel was warmth, and the longing they had for one another.
Breaking away from Rita's wonderful lips, Bianka gave her a heartfelt smile, leaning her head to the side as she softly spoke to her.
"I swear it," and she promised her, to come back to the woman's welcoming embrace no matter what.
"...Okay," Rita found herself muttering, no longer able to argue against her like this, leaning her head forward as she appreciated every bit of contact she had with her lady. "But..hold me like this, just for a little longer please…"
"Of course."
Without another word, Bianka wrapped both arms around her partner's back, before her head gently laid atop the slightly trembling woman's. The two basked in each other's warmth, taking in every last bit of comfort.
And for that moment, neither wished to let the other go.
Standing a fair distance away from Rita, Bianka gave the woman one last smile, hoping that she could see it, before turning away as she began to walk.
Rita simply stood in place, her eyes holding onto the Kaslana's visage as she grew further away, with a single whisper echoing from within her throat.
"Be careful…"
The Kaslana walked along the dark and empty road, her smile gradually dissipating. Yet there was no anger in her expression, no sorrow or regret in her every step.
Rather, there was a lightness in her step, palpable with each resolved stomp of her boot against the ground. Because to Bianka, there was only a stern determination within her heart.
For she had witnessed more than she could ever need. Raiden Mei, the one she had been chasing all this time, was waiting for her, the actions they both took weighing on their every move.
But Bianka will not ignore the woman's sins nor her pain. She will not turn a blind eye away from what Mei had done, nor will she refuse to acknowledge the kindness the woman still had in her heart, and the blame and regret she held within it.
They had both made their choice, but Bianka will not let it be final. For she understood the path that Mei was walking, and more than anything else, wanted nothing more than to stop her from falling into the same pit as her from all those years ago. After all…
Bronya was hurt because of her, and for that very reason…
I'm going to save her.
AN: Ngl, this chapter took quite a bit of time for me to get through, partly because of just how much content there is to go over, but also because of plenty of irl stuff happening in the background during this, but hey, at least it's here!
As promised, this chapter is dedicated to a singular character, that being Miss Durandal herself. It's honestly euphoric getting to "show my hands" a bit more in this chapter, with all the tidbits of info I finally get to include and talk about.
Durandal's past is still something I really do want to expand and explore more, but hopefully with what is shown here, it was still enough to convey why her character came to decide to do what she does. She's quite a selfless person in spite of everything after all.
I also just got to indulge in the pairing that is Rita and Durandal for a bit heh, those two have such a long history together. You wouldn't think in a story that is this morally questionable and dark, we'd get a genuinely healthy and stable relationship between two people, but hey, wonder if that's what would be like had Bronya just talked to her friend about things smh.
Anyhow, the next chapter I consider to be the ultimate turning point of the story. I know I know, I have said this once or twice already, but there's good reasons for this one. I can't quite promise just when that one will arrive, since things have been a little all over the place for me, but I will try to get it out when it's ready. In the meantime though, look forward to the rewrite of chapter 2 whenever I get that done!
Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter, and like always, I'd love to know what you guys think of it . See y'all in the next chapter!
P.S: Been playing Zenless lately, and I have been enjoying my time with it. The cast and story so far has been a pleasant surprise with how down to earth the characters are, and I quite like that. It reminds me of my own story in a way heh.
