Breath With In
Chapter 1 - Our Lazy World
People are inherently lazy… or at least that's what my father always told me. And by always, I mean he said it once when I was five, and I just assumed it was wisdom. He is a business man who does business things in an office with papers and stuff. We live in a non-discrete country town outside of Tokyo in Japan (in case you didn't know where Tokyo was). And I am NOT a weeb, even though I do watch anime and have a body pillow of an anime girl, but it's ironic, okay?
It was early Monday morning, and I woke up feeling like a potato, so I did what any rational human being would do—I played video games. I was absolutely destroying noobs in this online game when my mom, who is a total bitch (but I love her, kind of), shouted from downstairs.
"GET OFF UR VIDEO GAMES!" she screamed, her voice like a thousand dying cats. My mom had blond hair, which made me question everything she said, but deep down I knew she was right. She was smart, even though she was blond (I know, shocking). So, with the strength of a thousand suns, I turned off my game and went outside, walking down the street like the mysterious anime protagonist I was meant to be.
The sun was shining in my eyes, which was rude, and I squinted like a cool anime character. Far away, down the street, I saw a lot of people gathered. They looked tiny from my vantage point (because I was standing on a hill, duh). They were like ants, staring at a giant piece of chicken, and honestly, that made me hungry. But instead of eating, I hopped on my really cool red bike (red makes it go faster, don't argue with science) and zoomed down the street, my hair flowing in the wind. BTW, I am a hawt boy, like a solid 9/10, even though girls don't like me for some weird reason. :(
Anyway, I reached the crowd and wiggled my way through to find my friends. I asked them what was going on, but before they answered, they punched me in the face a few times (we have a unique friendship dynamic).
"They're investigating a hole in the ground," said one of them, picking his nose like a detective. "Now stop annoying us," and then he pinched me in the stomach, which hurt more emotionally than physically.
I got bored really fast because holes in the ground aren't that interesting unless they lead to another dimension or something. So, I decided to leave after I dramatically punched my friends back (not too hard, just enough to assert dominance). I walked all the way back up the hill, only to realize I had left my super-fast red bike down there. Classic me.
As I facepalmed, my phone buzzed. It was a text from my hella hwt gf (that means girlfriend, for the uninformed), and it said: "We r breaking up with u."
I stared at the message, my heart shattering into a million anime-worthy pieces. Then, another text came through. "BTW my new hwt BF stole ur bike."
I collapsed to my knees, staring at the sky dramatically. "NOOOOOO!" I screamed, but nobody cared.
The next day arrived without my permission, and I was still in emotional turmoil. Life is hard when you're a hawt boy with no bike and no gf. I sighed deeply, staring at the ceiling and wondering if this was my villain origin story.
