Breath With In
Chapter 6 - What's The Hole Deal With FuTuRe Drugs?
Author's Note: OMG, guys, I'm literally running out of hole puns and it's literally digging a hole in my soul. Like, I tried to "fill the void" with some, but now I'm "falling into despair" (see what I did there?). I guess I'm just "stuck in a hole" of bad puns, and I can't "climb out" of it. Please, send help! I need "hole" lot of creativity—let's "dig deep" for some more! Don't leave me in a "pit of despair," guys! Help a writer out, plz! 😭💔
It was Tuesday, which was an interesting day because it wasn't Monday and it wasn't Wednesday. It just kind of existed, like me. Anyway, I woke up, put on my usual mismatched socks (one with tacos, the other with dinosaurs), and got on the bus like usual. The bus driver looked at me with those eyes that said, "Why are you here?" I didn't have an answer for her.
When we got to school, I decided to get off the bus, because what else was I supposed to do? As soon as I stepped onto the sidewalk, I saw a guy in a corner smoking pot. Not just regular pot—this was, like, future pot. It smelled like regret and bad decisions.
"Yoooooo, what's up, my dude?" said the man.
I looked around. "Me?" I exclaimed, pointing to myself like an idiot.
"Yeah, you. Are you Jac…" he trailed off, staring into the distance like he just realized he left his oven on.
I couldn't make out what he was saying because, well, he was blazed. Like, intergalactic-level blazed.
"Are you okay?" I asked, because that's what normal people do, right?
He laughed, but not a happy laugh. More like the laugh of someone who just realized their entire life was a mistake. "I know what you are but what am I?" he said.
I blinked.
"A loser." He pointed at me, and then just like that, he pulled out a confetti cannon, aimed it at his head, and pulled the trigger. Confetti went everywhere. People cheered. Somewhere in the background, someone yelled, "Was about time!" and I had to wonder what kind of school I was even attending.
Later, I found out that his name was Greag. Not Greg. Not Craig. Greag. And apparently, the future has a major pot problem. Like, people were getting their hands on it too easily, and it was ruining lives. Even world leaders, like future president Obama, said the drugs needed to stop. (Yes, future Obama. Don't question it.)
It wasn't my fault, but the police still needed to talk to me to make sure I wasn't, like, going to start a drug empire or something. I said no and made my way to my first class, where I sat down and promptly fell asleep with my eyes open.
Since I was super smart, I didn't need to pay attention to understand what was going on. My genius brain absorbed knowledge through osmosis. Instead of listening, I tried browsing social media for pictures of her. You know, her. The girl I was too much of a coward to talk to. But guess what? No pictures. Either she was a ghost, or I was really bad at stalking.
As the day dragged on, it was finally the afternoon, and I decided to take a walk in the park. It was nice outside—the trees were breezing, the birds were singing, and the wind whispered secrets of existential dread. It felt like the kind of day where someone was about to have a BAD TIME.
And right on cue, Sans from Undertale popped out of nowhere. I mean, literally nowhere. He just phased into existence like some cheap NPC glitch and started chucking bones at people who were wearing weird AR costumes. I could see them with my AR goggles, which I totally forgot I had because they never work when I actually need them.
"hey kid," Sans said, eye sockets glowing ominously. "you're gonna have a bad time."
I nodded. "Yeah, I already figured."
Sans shrugged and kept throwing bones, and the weird cosplayers fought back with glowing swords and anime screams. It was a little distracting, but I had to finish my walk because I'm dedicated like that.
After I escaped the warzone of the park, I went home, did my homework (which involved writing a 5-page essay on why geese are secretly running the government), and went to bed, wondering if tomorrow would be even weirder. Spoiler alert: it probably will be.
