Mei tentatively grazed her palm over the back of her neck, stifling a groan as she flinched from the pain. Carefully, she began to rub it with her hand, easing the soreness little by little. She shut her eyes, a breathless sigh escaped her lips as she took a moment to adjust, before parting those violet orbs once more.
Her eyes landed on the stove before her. The burners sat on top of it. A moment passed, before Mei took her hand off her neck and reached for the knob below the burners.
With a twist, the knob clicked into place at the same time a small yet powerful gulf of flame bursted from underneath the burner, before it settled into a stable fire.
In a tired motion, she lifted the nearby pan she had set on the side, placing it atop the burner as she let the fire gradually heat up its surface.
The action still proved to be a bit much on her however, her hand instinctively planted onto the kitchen counter for support, her back arched forward as she let out a quiet grunt.
She was exhausted, that much was evident to her. Her sleep, or well, whatever kind of "sleep" you would call passing out completely onto the bed is, wasn't nearly enough to nurse her back to a functional state of mind nor body.
Mei was used to it though. She can't remember the last time she ever slept properly, if she ever did at all; she can't be bothered to care much anymore.
Instead, her mind drifted to something else, one that was the very root cause of her soreness and headaches right now.
Durandal Kaslana…
She recounted that woman's name in her head, her eyes narrowed following that thought.
She hadn't expected a police officer, much less another Kaslana, to seek her out in the night like that; even more so when the woman requested to talk to her. It was a miracle she was able to keep a calm face throughout it all, her body still remembered how fast her heartbeat was from that encounter.
The questioning that followed suit was so much worse however, her mind constantly went off at every slightly specific question thrown at her, screaming for her to do something as if there was anything she could have done in that situation.
It was only until she connected the dots and realized those oddly specific questions were intentional did she manage to regain some bearings, and prevented herself from saying any more than she needed to.
At least, Mei thought so.
Her mind wandered back to the moment she started to cry, the memories of that fateful night replayed in her head once more.
That clerk…
"Mmm.'
Mei shook her head, her eyes wandered over to the small oil bottle on the side. She grabbed it, taking the cap off as she let a small trail of oil fall onto the now hot pan, before putting it back to its place.
She already thought and cried about it enough times by now, and this certainly wasn't the time for it.
Thankfully, their conversation ended pretty soon afterwards, which meant that she only needed to focus on everything prior to it. Her mind fought against the exhaustion that gripped at the very edge of her mind, recounting everything in as much detail as possible.
The first was the fact that Durandal went to meet her alone, off-duty at that.
Why is that? If she already had suspicions about Mei, shouldn't she at least have another person to accompany her just for safety? Not to mention the fact that she's doing this off the clock, meaning that this was purely her own choice to dedicate time to this, but why her?
Why is it seemingly just Durandal doing this?
Mei could think of a few possible answers, the first was simply because the woman simply decided to, with the second reason being that she does have a partner but they were busy with something else, or the third – the one Mei found to be most likely – was because Durandal simply couldn't have anyone else to help her with it.
And the reason why has to tie with the journal, or rather, the source of where it came from.
A person found dead while doing their job and was ruled as a simple suicide case, and yet for some reason, a certain someone; a Kaslana, managed to collect a piece of belonging of the deceased, which just so happen to contain information that is relevant to the missing person's case from over a month ago; a case that had already faded away in the eyes of the public and even the polices themselves, remembered as nothing more than a footnote in this city's long drawn-out history.
That was enough to tell Mei what this really was, a personal investigation made by someone in the same family, utterly detached from the rest of the police force itself who may or may not have any idea that she was doing this on her own volition without the higher-ups permission.
It made sense then, that Durandal couldn't simply request for help on this case. She was purely on her own, and was working with whatever information she could get her hands on.
But then…how did she know my name?
The question flew her mind through a loop, the answer she thought she had found put into immediate doubt.
The journal made no mention of her name, and yet Durandal uttered it the first time they met. How would she have known that?
Perhaps she found it in the database of the police station, but Mei had no official criminal records as far as she can recall, so that shouldn't be possible.
That only leaves the answer of Durandal having to search through every single resident listed in any kind of official documents that lives in Nagazora city; an utterly impossible task to be done by a single person and accomplished in just a matter of two days.
Unless…
Durandal was not alone.
If she had help, depending on the quantity and quality of it, it would significantly reduce the time and energy needed to track Mei down. It would make sense that Durandal would be able to find her in such a short amount of time based on only rough physical descriptions of her.
But who did she get help from? And how many are there?
Frankly, Mei didn't have a clue, and it would only be a headache to try to decipher an answer for it. She would much prefer if it was just one person, but she needed to prepare for the latter being the most likely scenario.
So, now what? Durandal undoubtedly is suspicious of her, and the journal likely played a major part in it. No matter what Mei does from this point onwards, that Kaslana will likely be watching her every step, trying to find even the slightest of oddity in her every action, and use it against her.
No matter how well she plays it off, there was no way she could get that woman off her back. If anything, playing innocent and ignorant of it might just end up attracting more attention to herself.
So then what can she do? Was there even anything that she could do in this situation?
Hmmm…
The relationship between Durandal and the police force itself, were they on good terms? Bad terms? Neutral? Do they know about Durandal's personal escapades and are allowing it to happen? Or are they completely oblivious to it?
The answer itself didn't matter, rather, just the fact that Durandal was doing it on her own with or without any permission from the higher ups means that she can't just freely flaunt her private operation in public; not when others can see it.
In other words…
If Mei can't take away the attention already put on her, she simply needs to divert it onto something else attached to her. Something that would firmly put her in the spotlight, but not the one that Kaslana intended nor wanted; and through it, forcefully drag that woman right out into the open.
Mei needed to create chaos. A kind of chaos that would undoubtedly put eyes on her, but not as a potential suspect of some kind, but as a victim of an inciting event connected to her.
All she would need to do then, would be to shift that attention onto Durandal, directly involving her in the incident itself. And once the people's eyes are put on her, the authorities will begin to question her, and eventually, she would have no choice but to step away, leaving Mei alone in the limelight.
The plan was risky though, one that could very well backfire on Mei. But if she continues to go down the route she's already on, then sooner or later that woman would figure her out, and she would be caught regardless.
This was the best path she can take now. It was the only one Mei could think of.
...There's still one more, isn't there? One simpler one.
It was one that didn't require as much convoluted planning or risks, one that can be done simply once and the rest is history. A plan that only revolved around dealing with one single matter, regardless of the things that surround it.
A plan that completely nips the problem at the bud, to completely put Durandal out of the picture entirely.
A plan that simply needed Mei to kill Durandal Kaslana.
"..."
Mei grabbed an egg from a nearby tray, smashing the sides of the shell against the edge of the pan. The shell cracked with an audible crunch, breaking apart as its contents poured into the hot oiled pan.
The egg, upon touching the hot surface, immediately began to sizzle, the edges burned as it coalesced into a round firm shape.
Mei strained her ears to the sizzling sounds, the occasional crackle of the eggs burning against the oil drowned out the thoughts in her head.
The fact that she even thought of killing again made her sick to her core, shutting her eyes momentarily as she forced the thought back into the deepest recesses of her mind.
She already made up her mind to not harm another person again; she already had done enough of that.
Even now, the thought of that clerk still replays in her head, each time only chipping away at her heart. It was enough that someone completely innocent of all this had to die by her hands, she couldn't–can't, bring herself to do the same to that woman as well.
They didn't deserve what she did to them, and nor will Durandal.
Mei hated what she did to them. She hated that she even went through with it.
Why did she even do it?
Was it just because she was overreacting? Did she kill someone just because she was overly paranoid? If that is so, look where it got her; only more attention to herself.
So then, what was the point?
What was the point in hurting someone, in killing someone that didn't matter in all of this? That didn't deserve to be involved in this?
What was the point in doing any of this? Why is it that she's so insistent on continuing on in the first place?
Mei clutched the side of her head, one eye closed as she strained to keep the other open, the dull glow from them only served to make it difficult to discern what she was looking at.
My head hurts.
She knew the answer to that question. It was Kiana. She was doing this for her.
But…why? Why is this about her? Why is she so fixated on her?
Because I love her.
Even though they have never met until she did all of this? How could she just fall in love with someone she quite literally never knew existed until recently? How would that even justify everything she had already done?
I want her to be happy with me.
Does keeping her confined in a room for nearly the entire day, away from everyone she knows look like happiness to her? Does keeping her as a captive in this place look like happiness to her? Is killing people who don't deserve that kind of fate just to preserve this existence happy in any way?
I…
What did she even know about Kiana in the first place? Does she even know who this girl is? The kind of person she is like? The people she hung out with? The life she had lived until now? Does she even know a single thing about Kiana Kaslana?
I do.
Does she?
I do…I know that I do.
I remember it. I remember everything, I know Kiana. I know her.
I…I..
Her last eye closed, her lips thinned as she bit down on it.
She doesn't know.
She doesn't know if she does.
She doesn't know if she ever did.
She can't remember why.
She had been so caught up in the present, so fixated on keeping things under control, to maintain this semblance of stability. And yet, she can't even find within herself the answer to why she is even trying so hard in the first place, as if the answer itself had slipped from her mind somewhere down the way; the loud ring of a gunshot ran through her ears once more.
Why is she doing this? What was the point of all this? Why can't she just remember?
What is wrong with her?
...I–
"Mei!"
"...Huh?"
She mumbled, her eyes drifted open tiredly as she glanced behind her, finding Kiana sat firmly behind a small table.
"...the pan…" The girl muttered, her finger pointed forward beyond Mei.
"The pan? What do yo–OH!"
Mei spun around, her gaze snapped towards the raging fire that engulfed the very surface of the pan, the egg utterly consumed by the inferno. She gripped tightly onto the handle, frantically moving it off the burners, the flame followed suit.
She yanked the knob back to turn off the stove, her mind raced to find what to do with the burning pan. Spotting the sink, she half-hazzardly threw it in. Her hand reached for the faucet as water poured down into the sink and onto the pan.
The moment the water hit the pan however, a loud crack began to reverberate out from the sink. The oil that still clung onto the surface of the pan exploded and flung itself off from the sink, one of which hit Mei's hand. She flinched, taking a step back as she felt her left palm burn from the intense heat of that single drop of oil hitting her.
Thankfully, the fire did eventually die down, leaving nothing but a black charred pan, cracked and utterly broken in half by the extreme change in temperature caused by the flame and water colliding with one another.
Mei stared at the absolute mess that was the kitchen counter, raising her hand to not a noticeable red mark that began to appear onto her skin; her fingers trembled.
The pain began to seep into her nerves, and yet, Mei didn't so much as react to it, merely dropping her arm to her side as she stared vacantly at the sink, peering into the broken pan that laid in its own destroyed mess.
Her lips parted as if to say something, anything.
Nothing came out, her upper lips quivered as it shut once more.
Her eyes continued to be glued onto the pan, those purple irises wavering under the sickening sight.
...What am I doing...
"..."
"..."
The room was silent, occasionally broken up by the slightest shift of clothing against skin.
Kiana looked at Mei, the woman's eyes slightly turned from her. Her expression was one that the girl simply couldn't discern nor understand, marked by the never before seen quietness.
She had never been this quiet in front of her, at least, as far as the Kaslana could remember.
Eventually, Kiana broke her gaze away from Mei, those cobalt irises drifted down to the bowls laid before her on the table. It was just a bowl of white rice and miso soup, with the remaining meal that would have gone along with it laid somewhere in the sink behind the woman; the faint smell of smoke still wafted through the air.
Her eyes lingered on the meal, a nervous expression slowly crept onto her face. She couldn't bring herself to look up again, knowing that the woman was likely still dormant; she had been like that this entire morning.
Did something happen?
That was the first question that came to her mind, yet it was one that she simply couldn't find an answer for. There was no way she could just ask about it after all.
Even so, that curiosity lingered as the day persisted, her desire for an answer; any kind of answer, only grew in intensity.
It was surprising enough that Kiana awoke with the woman laid beside her, her face planted into the pillow. It was utterly confusing when Mei did eventually get up from her slumber, not a single word spoken as she began to change out yesterday's clothes, the same expression she had then was the same now.
The burning of the pan only fueled that morbid curiosity of hers, her desire manifested through the occasional fidget of her fingers.
There was something off about her, that much was obvious to Kiana. She should be scared of that fact or at the very least nervous, and yet, she can't seem to muster any of that, merely curious about what went on in that woman's mind.
With a puff of her chest, Kiana tensed, raising her gaze back onto Mei as she should at least try to pry anything off of her.
"I'm sorry."
Kiana freezed, her pupils dilated upon hearing Mei speak. Her captor held a sorrowful expression on her face, her cheeks seemed a little sunken than usual. Her eyes were a hollowed violet, barely moving as they seemed to gaze towards something out of Kiana's sight.
"...I'm sorry for everything, Kiana," Mei continued, her voice barely louder than a whisper, its tone devoid of any grace of warmth to it; tired regret was all that remained.
"..."
She can't understand what she meant by that; she simply couldn't. Every time she tried to understand Mei, she was left with only more questions. It was hard enough to keep herself from trembling from every move or words this woman said anyways.
And yet, recently; just recently, Kiana had felt something different from her. Something that made Kiana scared of her own mental state.
Perhaps it started at the night when Mei came home late with dried blood on her face, or the morning after when she would be awfully gentle and soothing to her; perhaps it was all of them. Regardless, the girl began to feel something else about her, an inexplicable emotion that she had tried to ignore until now.
She took a good long look at Mei, for once letting herself experience that emotion once more.
The faint marks that streaked along her cheek, almost as if she had been crying non-stop. The bags under her eyes that once were never there before, now clear as day to Kiana; the make-up forgotten from her odd wake up this morning. The inexplicably downward expression etched into her every feature, her eyes barely opened as she gazed at seemingly nothing at all.
But what was most noticeable to her, something that Kiana picked up on even during the first week she was held captive by Mei, was the occasional trembles of her hands that would overtake her on occasions, seemingly random. Whenever it would happen, there was a brief moment; just a brief one, where Mei's constant smiling face would falter, replaced by what could only be described as shock, her eyes widened ever so suddenly before she quickly buried any notion of it underneath her features, almost forcing herself to smile again.
It was something Kiana had long since noticed, yet she had refused to acknowledge them until now. It felt wrong to acknowledge them, for the fear of what it might entail of Kiana's own mental stability in all this.
But looking at Mei now, seeing her the way she is and how she had acted the past few days, Kiana found it hard to ignore it anymore. It was hard to try to deny any notion of it being real any longer, as it was staring directly at her.
So her shoulders relaxed, her eyes falling a bit as she continued to stare at the woman, taking in just how small she looked now more than ever, her face one that was so fragile, it looked like it could burst into pieces at any moment. And all Kiana could feel towards it…
…Was pity.
Kiana pitied her, an emotion she can't even begin to understand why she would feel that way towards her captor, to someone who likely had hurt someone else without a care in the world.
At least, she wants to convince herself that was the case.
But she can't. Mei had made it difficult to simply believe that anymore.
So she dropped her head, letting her gaze fall to the table once more, and closed her eyes.
"It's okay."
And she simply muttered, her voice lacking of the fear she once was filled by the woman's very presence, nor any hint of genuine reassurance. It was merely just acknowledgement of her words, but it was the only thing that felt fitting.
Mei's eyes flickered over to Kiana at that, her lips parted as if wanting to say something more, before her shoulders slumped, those lips closed shut. Her gaze drifted away once again, content with staring at the corner of the room for the remainder of their morning.
She couldn't look Kiana in the eyes, not after the mess she had made behind her.
Beyond that, she didn't have the right to look at her, not after what she did and had done to the girl.
What was she even thinking? Causing all of this to happen? What was the point in all this? Was there ever a point?
Those questions just made her shut her eyes forcefully, a heavy shudder flowed through her body like an electrical shock.
Mei can't remember. She really can't. Her mind is too much of a mess to even think of it.
She's so tired.
Tired of making these mistakes. Tired of committing all these horrible acts. Tired of constantly having to risk it all just to maintain…what exactly? That she was just a kidnapper hiding a girl in her house? That she was a cold-hearted killer who put down an innocent clerk for no other reason than complete paranoia? That she was just delusional?
What could she even do about it anyways? What else is there for her to do but keep going? She already made that choice, hasn't she? So why is she so conflicted now? Why doubt everything now? Why didn't she do that before she even committed to it in the first place? Why now?
She doesn't know, or she doesn't remember. She hated herself for this so much.
"Hah…"
Her head tilted to the side, those dull indigo eyes parted once more, utterly lifeless in the dullness of those orbs.
I'm so tired.
She doesn't know what to do anymore. She doesn't know what she should do.
All she could think about was how done she is with everything at this point. She just wants to be done with it.
Should I take a day off? I don't really want to…
She thought to herself, her eyes shifted to the watch on her wrist, the screen flickering the digital time displayed on its screen. It felt odd to look at, the modern device clashed with the kind of person she was; a bit of a clueless person when it comes to these things.
If anything, this watch would have suited her friend more. She doesn't know why she even gave it to her for such a silly reason.
...Bronya?
For a moment, Mei's heart dropped, her pupils dilated as she finally recalled her friend, and the fact that she had not seen her since yesterday.
Just as suddenly, she stood up from her chair, her hand frantically reached into her pocket to take out her phone. She could spot the wide-eyed expression that plastered on Kiana's face as she did so, for once she paid no mind to it, her head focused solely on one thing.
She found her friend's number, immediately dialing it as she pressed the screen against her, her heart beating louder than ever. Her lips quivered, her eyes gently shook in their sockets as her hand gripped onto the chair tightly.
She prayed, a silent yet pleading prayer, the only thing that could exist in her mind now.
Please…
Crack
The wall shuddered from the sudden blunt impact, its once flat and even surface riddled with holes in varying sizes scattered across its large frame.
Bronya raised her metal wrench, its weight pulling her wrist down as she barely managed to hold it steady in her grip. As soon as she got it high enough, the girl let her arms fall, the momentum carried the wrench straight towards the wall, slamming further into it as dust and debris scattered across the floor of her living room.
She dropped the wrench to her side before lying flat onto the floor, paying no heed to the dust and broken pieces of paint sticking onto her clothes and face, her eyes peering into the newly formed hole. Aside from the limited vision she had, she spotted numerous wires and electrical cables that likely were responsible for keeping the lights and other devices in her house up and running.
Without a second thought, she grabbed the edges of the hole, tearing bits and pieces of the wall away to widen it, her hands dug deeper into the crevice as she squinted her eyes from the layers of dust covering her face.
After minutes of constant digging and prodding, finding nothing of note, the girl huffed a sigh, the action choking her as she accidentally inhaled some of the dust.
Lifting herself back up, she wiped her face with her arm, smearing dust onto her clothes and face as she turned away from the wall.
Calling her living room a mess would have been understatement, her gray dull eyes scanning across the dirty floor. Bits and pieces of equipment laid about in a chaotic mess, all pried apart like on-going surgical operations just waiting to be put out of its misery, their "guts" spewed out and thrown across the dusty floor that was once a place for her to chill out and relax.
There was hardly any place to stand, let alone walk; the ground utterly covered with so many pieces of devices Bronya no longer knew nor cared to recall where and what it even belongs to, all riddled about in disarray, becoming a self-made trap that made every step taken agony-filled if one were to accidentally step onto a sharp piece of metal or electrical bit.
Even her custom-modified coffee machine was torn to shreds, resting on the table a few meters from her as the spilled coffee beans laid messily on the table, some fell to the floor and joined the sea of other junk. The milk was on the other side, staining the carpet she laid under the table.
The girl didn't seem to give much of a response to that very fact however, her eyes drifted from the numerous broken parts lying on the floor and onto the door to the side of her room; her garage.
"...I'll check there again.."
She mumbled, her shoes stomped across the floor, crushing bits and pieces of broken equipment as she clumsily navigated through her surroundings.
"There has to be a bug somewhere…somewhere. There has to be…"
She repeated to herself, her voice devoid of any life. Her dull eyes communicated the same thing, portraying nothing but clear exhaustion beneath those eyes as she mindlessly strode towards the door.
Suddenly, she stopped, her eyes drifted down to her pocket as she felt the vibrations reverberating through her leg. Her hand lazily raised a few inches above her pants, reaching down into her pocket as she took out her phone, a name popped up on the screen as Bronya took a moment to adjust to the dim lighting of her phone.
Her heart skipped a beat when she realized the number that was calling her.
Mei?
Her mouth hung agape, surprise etched into her expression as she struggled to make a decision. She shook her head, before taking a deep breath as she pressed answer. She held the phone to her side, her ears perked up for any noise on the other end.
"Hey Mei," She nervously uttered, her eyes drifting onto the carpet sat in the corner of the room, folded half-hazardly together as more broken equipment stacked on top of it.
[Bronya..] Mei's voice reverberated through the phone, a noticeably shakiness to her tone. [...where are you?]
"Oh, um, I'm at home right now. Ah, right, I'm sorry that I didn't show up to work today," Bronya said, rubbing the back of her neck.
[...Today?] Mei uttered after a long pause, sounding almost confused by the girl's words. [Do you mean yesterday?]
"What?"
Bronya paused, lowering her phone as she checked the time displayed on the screen. It was seven in the morning, a full day had passed since the last time she read the time.
"..."
Shit...
[Bronya, is everything okay? Is there something wrong?] Mei's voice continued to echo through her phone, her tone growing ever more concerned.
"N-no, everything is fine Mei. Nothing's wrong," she blurted, her body shifted back and forth in place as she tried to find an excuse for her severe lapse of time.
[If you're sick, let me come visit. I can help check up on you.]
"I'm not sick, you don't need to do that. Besides, you still have your job, remember?"
[I can take a day off.]
"...Well, my house is a mess right now so–"
[I can clean the house for you.]
"I…" Bronya paused, unable to come up with any other excuse. "...Look, you don't need to do all that alright?"
[Then please tell me what's wrong, Bronya.]
"I told you already there isn't. I'm fine."
[You didn't even realize what day today was, how is that 'fine'?]
"I–I just didn't…" Her voice trailed off, gritting her teeth as she shut her eyes.
[Bronya, please…] Mei pleaded, worry etched into her tone. [Just tell me what's wro–]
"I said I'm fine!" Finally, Bronya snapped, the intensity in her voice palpable as it echoed across her living room, shutting Mei up immediately. "There's nothing wrong with me, okay? Why do you kee–"
She halted, realizing how she came off to her own friend, her gray pupils trembling as she coughed, her head shook violently as she forced herself to calm down.
"I…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you," Bronya muttered, her tone much more subdued and restrained, yet there was still a hint of edge to it.
[...It's okay] Mei responded, the lack of any emotion in her voice drove a pit into Bronya's stomach. [It was my fault for pushing it, I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, Bronya.]
"N-no it's fine, it wasn't you I just…" Bronya paused, a sigh escaping her lips as her gaze fell to the floor in exhaustion. "I guess I am just a little tired, that's all."
[...Will you be able to come to work today?]
"...Yeah, I think I can. Why?"
[Can we talk there? In my office?]
"Um, sure thing. I'll just sort my things out first and we can meet."
[Mmm.]
Bronya tightened her grip on her phone, the lacking responses from her friend like a knife stabbing her heart. It made it impossible for her to think of what to say.
"Um, I–"
[See you soon, Bronya] her friend suddenly uttered.
"Oh. Uh, yeah, see you," she replied, before the call promptly ended, the rhythmic beeping noises were evidence of that.
She stood motionless, her hand slowly moved from her side to the front of her face, her eyes locked onto the black screen. With a loud frustrated grunt, she smacked her forehead onto the display, shutting her eyelids as she cursed herself.
Goddamnit…
Mei lowered her phone back down, her hand gently gripping its side as she caressed the screen. Her eyes softened, narrowing slightly at the sight of Bronya's name before her screen turned black.
She made no noise, her eyes simply glued to the screen. Then, light trembles crept onto her hands as she felt her grip gradually tightened, her breathing growing ever unstable. With a forceful sigh, she leaned onto the phone, planting her forehead onto the screen, and bit her lips.
She closed her eyes, focused on calming her breathing and the trembles that threatened to overwhelm her senses.. After some time, it worked, her breaths eventually returned to a normal level. Regardless however, her chest still felt heavy, her heart ached as she mulled over what just happened again and again in her head.
She was relieved that Bronya sounded okay, but god did it still infuriated her a bit that the girl seemed so nonchalant about it, as if she didn't just disappear for an entire day without answering any of her calls.
It made her angry, frustrated at that. She wanted so badly to sit her down and ask her what's going on, to get her to explain everything to her.
She wanted to do just that.
But she couldn't; she can't.
Because she was angry at herself more than she was at Bronya, more irritated and frustrated with herself than she could ever be with her only friend.
After all, it was her that ended up forgetting to call Bronya last night. It was her that was so busy drowning in her own thoughts to not consider what might have happened to Bronya. It was her that the girl was left sick and alone in her own house with no one to talk to, or cared for for the entire day.
How could she? Knowing what she knew about Bronya? About the things she did, and nearly did to herself? About the reluctance her friend had towards her own past, her own life? About the constant need to never express any of it just to keep a smile on her face, never daring to look any different for others sake? To never let herself falter or rest in front of others, in front of her? To always be there for everyone and anyone, even if it meant she was excluded from it?
She felt disgusted. It was disgusting of her to forget all that, so wholly focused on her own problems that she couldn't even stop to ponder any of that; to care about her friend, her only friend.
So much for making that promise to yourself.
Idiot…
She could feel tears beginning to crept up her eyes again, somehow already coming back even after she had drained it dry last night.
Stop it.
She told herself, wiping at her eyes as she shakily put away her phone, staining her sleeve with her own tears as she held in a sniffle.
Don't you dare act pitiful now after all you did.
Her shoulders shuddered, her trembling breath grew more pronounced as she gripped her fingers tightly, forcefully pressing her knuckles against her eyelids to stop them from leaking out those unwanted tears.
You don't deserve to be pitied, stop begging for it. You never deserved it in the first place, so stop.
"...Mmm.."
She stifled, taking in a deep, trembling breath as her chest puffed upwards, before letting it out slowly as her teary eyelids fluttered, keeping them closed for a little while.
Finally, she parted them again, her vision hazy as she blinked. Her breathing was a bit more manageable now, but she can still feel the faint hiccups threatening to spill forth, just aching for the chance to drown her voice away as she cried. But she will not let it, for she deserved none of it.
"...Ah."
Her eyes widened as she glanced over to her side, spotting Kiana silently watching her on the side. She noted the girl's slightly scrunched up eyebrows, her cobalt eyes staring intently at her. Her expression almost gave off a concerning feel to them, but to what or who, Mei couldn't tell anymore.
"...I'm sorry for that," Mei said, her eyes breaking away from the girl's as she stared at the floor, unable to bring herself to meet the girl's questioning gaze.
"...It's okay," Kiana simply replied, barely audible enough for Mei to hear.
Her eyelids narrowed ever so at that, feeling another sigh rising within her. She swallowed it back, her lips thinned as she sat back down onto the chair, her body turned to the side as she remained faced away from Kiana.
"...Who was that?" The girl's voice perked up again.
"She's..a friend of mine…a really close one," Mei answered, her voice grew quieter at the mention of Bronya being close to her.
She wasn't just close. She was the only one.
"What's her name?"
That got a reaction from Mei, her gaze lifted slightly from the floor as she almost turned to look at Kiana. Her lips parted slightly, her violet eyes hidden behind her purple hair that cascaded down her face.
...Right…Kiana doesn't…
"...It's Bronya. Bronya Zaychik."
"What is she like?"
Mei's expression grew even more melancholic, her eyes downcast as she thought back to everything she had gone through, all the memories she had of Bronya, the only memories she could bring herself to remember in this reality, to hold beyond hope that she won't ever forget them.
"She's kind," Mei uttered, a fragile softness emanating from her tone. "Incredibly so at that. She would…do other people's work when they can't finish it in time. Looking out for others when they stay around for long periods of time at work, if even just to check up on them. She would…even get addicted to some game just to have the same interest with her co-workers if it meant making them feel more comfortable around her."
The memory of that brought a small smile onto her dried lips, her head lifted a bit more.
"She's sweet, talented…incredibly caring. But she keeps forgetting to take care of herself, and will always ignore the topic when I bring it up. It's…frustrating," Mei's hand gripped onto her skirt, tugging at the fabric as she recounted the many times she wanted to scold the girl for her recklessness.
How many times had she found the girl sick, after spending so much time doing other's work until she physically couldn't anymore? How many times had she thought about pulling at the girl's ear and yelling at her to stop for once, and actually think about herself more?
Even now, even knowing that she had no right to judge the girl, she still can't bring herself to swallow that frustration, that slight anger that threatened to boil over before immediately simmered by something else, something that made her unable to truly be angry at her friend for anything.
"But, because of that…"
After all…
Mei turned to face Kiana, a tired, yet still genuine smile spread across her lips, those tearful eyes reflected only silent gratitude for the one that meant so much to her.
"She saved my life, more times than I could ever repay her."
"..."
Kiana's expression was that of slight surprise, her mouth slightly agape as if to say something, before it promptly closed, her eyes breaking away from Mei, an unreadable emotion plastered onto her face.
Mei didn't mind it, the smile still persisted as she reached for the strands of hair clung onto her cheek, swiping them away as she lightly fixed her messy hair.
"I'm sorry for acting so strange today, as for the breakfast…" She remarked, an apologetic tone to her words as she fiddled slightly in her spot. "I'll make it up to you later this evening. What would you like to have, Kiana?"
Kiana's eyes widened at her question, turning her head back to Mei. She seemingly pondered over something for a moment, before she spoke.
"...Can I have a watch?"
"A..watch?" Mei tilted her head, giving Kiana a slightly curious look. "Why a watch?"
"It's…a little boring being in one room all day."
"Ah…"
Mei paused, her eyes glanced around them for a brief moment before flickering back to Kiana.
Right, I…
"...I'll think of something for that," she replied, her hand reaching for the wrist on her other arm as she fiddled with the strap of the small watch she wore. "But a watch right? I do have one here."
Taking off the watch from her wrist, Mei stood up from her chair and walked over to Kiana's side. Her knees fell to the floor as she lowered down to Kiana's level, her gaze lightly glanced towards Kiana, who seemed to lean back a little.
"Would this do?" She asked, holding the watch up to Kiana's face.
The girl hesitated for a moment, before her hand reached for the watch, grasping it from Mei's palm. It was a bit weighty, but quite smooth to the touch, the screen being sensitive to touch as well as Kiana noted the black screen that flickers up the moment her fingers grazed its surface.
"It was a gift from her," Mei muttered, Kiana's gaze flickered back to her upon hearing that. "She said it was to help me remember the time better, so I don't end up overworking myself all the time…dummy…"
Mei smiled, her hands reaching up to gently grasped Kianas, tentatively clasping around Kiana's hand as she closed the girl's fingers around the watch.
"Can you keep it safe for me?" She whispered to Kiana, her eyes pleaded to the girl as she looked up at her.
Kiana didn't break away from her look, her cobalt irises gleamed with a gentle shine to them. Finally, the girl nodded, gripping onto the watch firmly on her own.
"Thank you."
Feeling relieved, Mei promptly let go of Kiana's hand before standing back up, her eyes turned to the table, specifically to the bowls that laid before Kiana.
"Finish up your breakfast and leave your dishes here. I'll clean them up later once I'm back. I'll still get you something later today though, alright?"
"Mm..okay."
"Mmm."
Mei hummed, before turning away as she walked, making her way to the bedroom as she left the girl to her devices.
Her head lowered as her footsteps lightly echoed through the floor, a dour expression on her as she slowly let out a small sigh.
She'll have to think about what to do next; what she…has to do.
Bronya peered into the small office room where Mei would usually be in, finding no sight of her anywhere.
Instead, the room was only occupied by a simple work desk, neatly pressed against the wall of the cubic space. On top of it sat Mei's computer, along with other miscellaneous items and paperwork, all properly organized on her table.
Her silver-gray eyes lingered onto the empty spot on the desk as she stepped inside; she would usually sit there whenever the two would spend some time together in Mei's office. However, her eyes suddenly darted from it to the computer, a faint light still beeping at the corner of the monitor.
"..."
Her movements grew stiff as she turned away from the table and towards the chair sat opposite of the desk, facing the computer screen. She sat, inching closer to the machine as she hovered over the mouse, giving it a simple click before the monitor flickered to life.
She remembered telling Mei to always turn off her computer before clocking out, but perhaps it was out of habit, or tiredness from work that Mei would forget to do so, oftentimes content with putting the computer to sleep.
Bronya would have called her out on it time and time again, but today, she didn't dare to think of it.
Her eyes glued to the screen, the mouse aimlessly moving across the interface as she bit her lips. For a moment, her hand pulled away, uncertainty crept onto her silver-gray irises as she looked down at the keyboard.
But it only lasted for a moment, the girl taking a deep albeit shaky breath, before she returned her gaze back onto the screen, her hand gripped firmly on the mouse this time as she began to prod away.
She looked through multiple files, reading the names and the dates, seeing if she could find anything of note. When that led to nowhere, she paused, her mind racking for anything else she could find.
Then a spark lit in her eyes, her hand on the mouse quickly moved across the table as she scoured her friend's mailbox, all the while silently cursing herself for doing this.
She found countless letters related to work assignments, random ads or simple advertisements, the rest being just spam mails; Mei always left her mailbox overfilled with those kinds of mails, being as clueless as she was when it came to these things.
However, Bronya didn't bother to check all of them, instead adjusting and sorting out every mail that was sent in a selected time frame, specifically the start and end of September –merely as a test to see what she could find– her mind raced as she waited for it to load.
Before long, she was given dozens of results, some familiar and some just more scams or spam letters, until her eyes landed on one particular mail; its title unlike any others.
She read the title – For Ms. Mei – finding her throat dry as she nervously flicked the mouse cursor over it.
Her eyes glued onto the monitor, a shaky breath leaving her throat, her heartbeat grew louder in her ears as she lifted her finger, a faint quiver traveling up to the tip of her index.
And with one shaky twitch, she lowered it down to the mouse, clicking the mail as the contents revealed themselves to her eyes.
"Bronya."
"Wha–!"
Bronya yelled, tearing her gaze away from the monitor as she violently jerked herself to the side, spinning the chair to face Mei standing at the doorway. Her hand very quickly moved to turn off the monitor just moments before she did that, praying that her friend hadn't seen anything.
Mei stared at her, her wide purple eyes locked firmly onto Bronya's gray irises. Without another word, the women walked up to Bronya, each step light and seeming weightless. Finally, she stood in front of her, an intensity in her eyes that made Bronya gulped.
"H-hey Mei, took you a while-"
Before she could finish that sentence however, Mei's head dropped down to her level, her head leaning forward as she pressed their foreheads together. Her hand on the girl's neck as she pulled her in. Bronya yelped, her lips shut tightly as Mei kept her eyes locked onto her.
After a minute or so of utter silence between the two, occasionally broken up by the ever distant sounds of keyboards around them, Mei's gaze finally faltered, her thin lips slightly parted.
"A little warm…but you aren't sick."
"S-see? Told you I was just tired," Bronya said, trying to force a playful tone into her voice to no avail, an awkward crooked smile plastered on her face.
"But your eyes…" Mei's hand gently caressed her face, her fingers wiping under her eyes as she noted the dark bags. "You haven't been sleeping properly?"
"I guess..you don't look much better than me though," Bronya remarked, noting the similar dark circles under Mei's eyes as well.
"Ah…" The woman lightly touched her face, grazing her fingers over that spot as she turned away slightly. "Mmm, you're right."
"Seriously Mei, you're not overworking yourself again are you?"
"Mmm."
Bronya let out a nervous sigh, lazily closing her eyes as she once again tried to lighten the mood.
"I told you, take a break sometimes or you'll end up–"
Before she could finish that sentence however, she felt a pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her forward. Her eyelids snapped open, those pupils darted to the side as she realized Mei was hugging her.
"Mei?" She raised her voice, her hands hovered behind Mei's back in confusion.
"...I'm sorry."
"Huh? For what?"
"For not calling you sooner."
Her arms wrapped tighter around Bronya's shoulders. The woman's face now buried into her neck, her face hidden behind her cascaded violet hair.
"I should have checked up on you when you didn't show up for work. I should have visited you then. I shouldn't have pushed you to explain to me what happened; you didn't need to. I–"
Bronya could feel her friend's body trembling, the slight crack in her voice as she struggled to finish her sentence was enough to make anything Bronya wanted to say void; her lips closed tight.
"I'm sorry, Bronya. I'm so sorry."
The woman could barely squeeze out those last few words before she fell into silence, her face buried further into Bronya's chest.
Bronya stayed silent, her eyes gradually losing its nervous edge. Instead, she could only close them, a small inaudible sigh escaped her lips before her hands clasped onto Mei's back, hugging her back.
"It was my fault, Mei," she muttered, a gentleness to her voice. "I shouldn't have yelled at you earlier today; you didn't deserve that. I should have checked my phone for your calls earlier as well. You don't need to blame yourself for any of it. I'm the one to blame. I'm sorry."
"...I was so worried," Mei voiced, the trembling in her voice reverberating through her very body. "I thought..I thought that maybe something happened to you, something that I realized too late and I–"
"Hey hey, don't think like that Mei," Bronya softly said, pulling the girl away from her as she looked into her friend, the woman's eyes already stained with tears. Tentatively, she reached up to gently swipe the tears away, a comforting smile spread onto her lips.
"I'm here, aren't I? I'm okay, so please don't go blaming yourself for anything again. It was my fault for not saying anything to you; not you."
Thankfully, that seemed to calm the girl down, her eyelids shut tight for a moment as she softly exhaled, the light tremors on her body began to fade away.
"...Dummy," she simply whispered, shaking her head at Bronya.
Bronya chuckled at that, but nodded her head as well.
"Yeah, I sure am. You cry too much though."
"Oh shush," Mei retorted, yet there was a faint smile on her lips now. "Stop giving me reasons to then."
"Hai hai, my bad," she nonchalantly replied.
Mei's smile only grew from that, before she suddenly leaned forward once more, embracing the girl again.
"I'm really glad you're okay, Bronya."
"..."
Bronya looked up to the ceiling, taking a moment to process it before she let out a soft sigh, a smile formed on her lips as she slithered her hands up to her friend's back, returning her embrace with her own as well.
"I know."
The two stayed like that for a while, neither wanting to move away from one another too soon. Finally, Mei reluctantly pulled away, prompting Bronya to drop her hands back down as well.
Mei didn't fully let go however, her arms still slightly warped around Bronya's shoulders as her warm smile turned into a slight frown.
"But seriously Bronya.."
"Yeah?"
"Next time if you're sick or in need of anything, just call me. I can take a day off or two if need be."
"Nah, it's fine. I can take care of myself."
"You're a horrible liar," Mei deadpanned.
"I'm not a liar. I can take care of myself most of the time."
"Somehow, I doubt that."
"Oh yeah? You're starting to sound a lot like a mom now."
"Who knows, maybe I will be one for you if you don't start caring about yourself more," Mei said, swaying her head back and forth lightly as she droned on. " 'You have been a naughty girl today, go to your room. You're grounded for today.'; something like that."
"Eeeeeh, kinda harsh don't you think?"
"Be grateful I won't confiscate your game console as well, so you can at least enjoy your time there."
"How kind of you."
"Aren't I?"
"...Pfft."
"Pfft."
Bronya laughed, causing Mei to laugh with her, the two friends indulging in the moment as they got caught up in their odd conversation. It was the kind of laughter devoid of any worries or concerns, one that was purely filled by the comforting knowledge that the other person is there with them, and that was all they ever needed.
"I'll get off you now," Mei muttered, pushing herself back up as she moved a few steps back from her. "But still, just call me when you need me, alright?"
"Got it," Bronya gave her a thumbs up, the action only elicited a sigh from Mei, though a smile can still be seen on her face.
"I'll go get some coffee, would you like me to grab you one too?"
"Coffee? I thought you always drink tea?"
"Mmm, I guess I just want a change of palette today."
There was a slight hitch in her voice as she said that, though Bronya didn't find it of note in any way.
"Well, no thanks I'm–" She paused, thinking a bit more on her answer. "-Actually, yeah, I would like one."
She had unfortunately busted her coffee machine during her…"ordeal" today. Coupled with a lack of sleep, it was a miracle Bronya was walking and talking like normal right now. Still, any amount of caffeine would keep her up at least for a bit longer.
"Then, I'll be back in a bit. Don't go anywhere okay?" She asked, turning to face the open doorway.
"Okaaay."
Bronya stretched out her word, waving at her friend before she disappeared from the corner of the office room. After a minute, Bronya lowered her hand, a sigh escaped her thin lips before turning back to the computer.
Eyeing it, the lone girl pondered on what to do next, before she finally decided to pull herself back to the desk, her finger reaching for the button installed at the corner of the monitor, pressing it.
A few seconds later, the screen flickered back to life, her eyes immediately locked onto the opened mail she had yet to read.
With a nervous gulp, she began to read it.
"Dear Ms. Mei, thank you for everything you did for the party! It was sooooo exhausting, but so worth it! Especially when everyone put so much effort into it! I had never seen so many happy faces here before, so again, thank you so much! I really wanted you to know how much this means to everyone here, and I hope that we can have another party like this again!" - Carole Peppers
Below the letter was an image attached to it. It was a simple picture, capturing many individuals that filled up the very shot; some young, some old, and some only children. A girl, her yellow eyes and light purple hair stood at the forefront of the frame, posing before it, and in the middle of the shot was Mei herself –a soft smile on her lips as she was shown talking to the elder beside her– her arm tentatively held a bowl for them.
"...Huuuh…"
Bronya could only utter that simple remark, moving the chair slightly backwards as she contemplated.
So the day off she took that day…was for that?
The realization lingered on her mind for a moment, her shoulders fully sinking into the chair as she stared upwards. After a while, she sighed; a lighter one this time, and smiled.
"Well..that's just so her, isn't it?" She mused, chuckling to herself as she rose back up from the chair, turning to the computer again.
Her heart felt much lighter after that, her gray eyes gazing warmly at the picture one last time as she closed it.
"I'm such an idiot. Sorry for this, Mei," her smile faltered a bit at that remark, a tinge of guilt prickled at her conscience. She'll have to do something to make it up to the woman later, even if Mei doesn't know what she did..
"...Hmm?"
Bronya paused just before she closed the mailbox; however, her eyes accidentally landed onto an odd mail sent just two days after the previous one.
She read the title, her smile dissipated as a curious yet confused expression spread through her face. Unconsciously, she opened the mail, her gaze skimmed through the contents.
"...What is this?"
Mei stood in the local cafeteria, her eyes bored into the coffee machine that lightly hummed, its body shaking ever so rhythmically on the table.
Listening to the sound of coffee beans being mixed together by the machine, Mei sighed, clutching the side of her head.
She had been a fool; a reckless one at that.
She should have known better than to make such promises to Bronya like that. It wasn't like she could afford to follow through with it, not when she had Kiana to look after as well.
There wasn't any room for her to care for two of them, at least not one she could think of right now.
The thought made her head spin as she shut her eyes, the aching from before coming back to her. She just had to let herself get emotional, what was she thinking? Or rather, was she thinking at all when she practically leaped into the girl's embrace, or when she nearly cried while calling Bronya right in front of Kiana?
No, of course she wasn't. She was too scared to; too scared that she might have lost Bronya one way or another.
The relief she felt when she hugged her, and was hugged back was unlike anything else, like a weight had been lifted right off her chest after all this time. The girl had always had that kind of effect on her, and she couldn't be more thankful for it.
It made her feel at ease, like she could for a moment let go of all her worries and concerns, and just indulge in the moment, to let herself feel like she can just exist alongside Bronya.
Strange, the two had only been away from one another not even two days ago, yet Mei had felt herself missing the girl dearly.
…Do I feel that way with Kiana?
Whenever Mei would look at her, there's this overwhelming feeling of guilt that ate away at Mei, one that simply won't go away. She knew where it came from, and as much as she tried to make things better, to make life better for them both, that guilt lingered, gnawing away at her.
And now, she truly wondered if everything she had been doing was worth it.
She cared for them both. She wanted to take care of the two at the same time if she could afford it.
But then…did she really?
Has what she's been doing really counted as taking care of Kiana? Or has she just simply been holding her captive for her own delusions? For her own dream of something that doesn't exist? That can't exist?
Mei doesn't know.
No.
She's trying not to think of it.
Should she?
She doesn't know.
"Ah, damnit…"
A voice broke Mei out of her train of thought, turning her eyes to see someone kneeled beside her; a young man whose eyes were glued onto the vending machine in front of him.
...Isn't that?
He lowered his head, peering his eyes into the empty tray at the bottom of the machine, seemingly looking for something. Annoyed, he smacked the front of the glass mirror to no avail, the flexible material only slightly bent from the force.
"What do I even do now…" He grumbled in defeat, his shoulders slumped as an inexplicable sigh escaped his chest.
"You're Adam, right?"
"AH!" He nearly screamed, jumping to the side as he snapped his head toward Mei. "Um..h-hi. Yes, that's my name how did you–"
"Here, you should tap it like this," Mei calmly said, her knuckle moving to the side of the machine as she gave it three distinct knocks.
The machine hummed from the impact, before a distinct shuffling sound began to reverberate throughout it, finally ending at the bottom; a loud bang of metal echoed underneath the tray.
"The vending machines here are a bit old, so sometimes things can get stuck. Just give it a few good knocks on the side and it should work again," Mei softly said, her eyes trailing from the machine back to Adam, who stood with his mouth agape before he quickly reached down to grab his stuff.
"O-okay, I'll remember that," he nervously replied, turning to her with a slightly awkward smile yet still beaming with gratitude. "Thank you for the help, miss.."
"It's Mei. Raiden Mei."
"Mei…wait, you're ? Ms. Bronya's friend!?" His eyes widened at the mention of her name, his fingers pointed at her subconsciously.
Mei tried to muster up a smile, yet found no strength in herself to do so. Instead, she only nodded.
"Yes, that's me. Does she talk about me?"
Adam, now visibly relaxed, only gave her a laugh, rubbing his cheek lightly as he nodded vehemently.
"Y-yeah, she talks about you a lot at that! I know since she would always tell me whenever we would play ga–ahem, working on a project together," he stuttered as he quickly corrected himself.
"Is.. that so?" Mei questioned, a slight pause in her words.
She was surprised by this, somehow the thought that Bronya would speak of her without her knowledge never quite crossed her mind.
But now, knowing this, Mei couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of curiosity mixed with…something else. Something she can't quite put a finger on.
Adam, seemingly realizing that he had spilled something that he might not have been allowed to say, quickly covered his mouth with his hand, his eyes frozen in place.
"I-I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said things like that, not without her permission," he tried to cover it up, turning away.
"It's okay, she's not the kind of person who would mind that," Mei reassured Adam.
It seemed to have worked, as he visibly calmed down and let out a sigh.
"Y-yeah, I guess it wouldn't. I shouldn't be surprised that her friend would know her the best."
"...Will you tell me what she said? About me?"
"Huh? Um, yes I can but…why?"
"I…" Mei trailed off, her eyes darted to the side. "...I would like to know, that's all."
"...Alright," Adam said, letting his shoulders relax a little as he fiddled with the plastic wrapped bun in his hands. "She says that you're really kind at heart, that you will always help anyone in need even when they didn't ask for it. She…says that she worries about you a lot, with how you often forget about yourself. She really cares about you."
"...I see."
Mei turned her gaze away from him, her indigo eyes gently closed.
Then, a soft smile appeared on her lips. Her eyelids parted once more, a relaxed expression on her face.
"Thank you, Adam, for telling me this. I'm glad we got to talk."
"Y-yeah, me too! It's nice knowing what Bro–Ms. Bronya's friend was like!"
Mei simply hummed at that, her gaze landed on the coffee machine once more.
Her heart felt light, more than it ever has been for a long time.
She had decided on what to do now.
She valued her friendship with Bronya beyond anything else, and for that, she trusted her completely and utterly.
So she'll confess to Bronya.
She'll tell her and Durandal about what she did, to finally put an end to all this and turn back the time.
She can't bring herself to hurt anyone else any more, to hurt Bronya or Kiana or Durandal; Mei can't recall why she even did this in the first place.
She wanted to keep holding onto this life, to this reality. She wanted to keep living it with those she truly cared about, with Bronya.
She's thankful that Adam finally got her to come to that conclusion.
Thankfully, I have her contact number…
She puffed a small sigh, letting her shoulders slumped for a moment. Her eyes closed, contemplating to herself how she was gonna go about it.
Well, I guess calling Durandal outright would be fine…
Making up her mind, Mei lifted her head back up, parting her eyes back up as she prepared herself for what's to come.
Only for that steady gaze to be completely broken by sheer utter confusion and shock when she saw not the familiar office wall, but on top of an open rooftop. The open blue sky stretched above her to the far horizon onto the citiscape below her.
Mei's mind froze, the confusion echoed within her head as she stared far beyond the fence wall of the rooftop.
Rooftop?
How did she know this was a rooftop? Where was she even?
No..I…
I know where this is…
Her confusion quickly faded, replaced by an odd sense of familiarity.
She wondered for a brief moment if she should question that at all, that somehow, she was so quickly to accept all of this.
And yet…of course she would, for she remembered where this was. She remembered just where exactly she was standing; a place that meant so many things to her.
A place that started everything for Mei.
Chiba Academy.
"Just like before."
The voice echoed from beside Mei, a shock to her system as she recognized who it belonged to. She willed herself to turn, to face that very person once again.
But she can't.
Her body isn't listening to her.
Why can't I…
"Hmm."
Huh?
She heard her own voice echoing inside her head, the sound seeming so odd when she realized she didn't make that sound of her own will. Why can't she move like she wanted? Why can't she talk? Why can't she see her?
"So much has happened."
"Indeed."
Again, her voice echoed without her say-so.
Mei could hardly care any more, her mind focused solely on the other voice beside her; the only one that mattered.
There was no better way to describe it all, no other words that could have possibly felt more fitting than that very sentence. It was true, so much truly happened.
So many unfamiliar, yet unbelievably nostalgic things nonetheless.
Every last one, down to the crater she could still make out beneath this very rooftop they both stood on top of; she remembered all of it.
The guilt, the pain, the sorrow, the joy, the happiness, the nostalgia; it all came flooding back to her, like it was always there to begin with.
How could she have forgotten this? How could she?
"Do we…have to part ways again here and now?"
The question came out soft, yet Mei could feel the slight shakiness in her tone, the uncertainty that began to crept at the end of her word. It made her heart ache, wanting nothing more than to hug that girl in her arms, to reassure her that that won't ever come to pass.
But she can't. She can't do anything.
Why can't I–!
"No."
Suddenly, her body finally turned, her eyes landed onto the girl she had been so desperate to see again, to reach for, to embrace, to hug, to laugh and cry with; everything she ever wanted, everything she ever cherished, everything she ever hoped to see once more.
And there she was, standing right beside her.
The most important person in her entire life.
Kiana.
Her appearance was unrecognizable from how she looked just hours ago since Mei last saw her.
Instead of just a simple white shirt, the girl was wearing something so much more elaborate, with accessories decorated across her shoulders, a small cape fluttering behind her as the gentle breeze blew against her very form.
Her hair was much longer, allowing it to flow down her waist, a silky whiteness to it that seemed to almost shimmer under the gentle glow of the rising sun's light, adorned on top of it with something she could hardly find the words to describe, yet it felt so familiar nonetheless.
Mei was looking at her; really looking at her, as if trying to decipher every minute change in her expression to find an answer to her question. The girl's eyes were wavering, uncertainty and creeping sadness threatened to overtake her soft expression.
"We will stay together till the end this time."
Thank you.
She thanked her own body –her own voice– so utterly grateful that her lips had told the girl what she wanted to say. She felt her hand gripping tightly onto Kianas, savoring every bit of warmth she could find within that girl's palm; she missed her so much.
And yet she wanted to say so much more. She wanted to convey to the girl just how much she missed her, how much she craved to hear her voice, her laughter, her smile, her gaze, her touch; everything that was about Kiana made her wish she could just have it all to herself. She wished she could just have her.
She wanted it so badly, to feel the girl's arms wrapped around her, to reassure her that she was there, that Kiana was there, and always will be.
The girl's expression changed into that of small surprise at her words, before it turned into a soft smile, a light blush crept onto her cheek.
Ah…
She truly loved this girl so much.
The girl's hand began to tug at her, pulling her body along as the two began to walk towards the door, to finally leave this rooftop filled with so many memories; bad and good, and to head to a future shining with endless possibilities.
Mei was happy.
So, so happy.
This was everything she could ever want, all that she could ever want.
Kiana was here with her; her Kiana was here.
As the door opened, Kiana faded into the darkness of the other side, Mei's body followed suit, ready to brace everything that would happen after.
She felt at ease, knowing that this time, the two won't do this alone.
Mei will not let Kiana do this alone once more.
At this moment, this very single moment, the girl was more beautiful than anything she could ever find the words to describe.
More wonderful than anything she could ever recall or imagined.
More precious than anything she could ever wished and craved for.
Brighter than any star that lit up this very cosmos they stood under.
She was all that Mei ever needed, ever could need, ever wanted and desired.
The most important person to her; Mei's everything.
And she will always be hers–
"Ms. Mei?"
"...huh?"
Mei uttered, not a trace of emotion in her voice.
Her hand outreached towards Adam, her violet eyes glued onto him like prickly needles. Adam stared back, confusion etched on his face as he leaned a bit further towards her.
"Are you alright? You blanked out for a second there," Adam remarked, his eyes darting downwards worriedly. "You were muttering something too, and your hand…"
It was shaking. Her hand was shaking just like this morning.
"..."
Adam kept saying something, yet Mei could not hear a word of it. She can't.
She felt sick. She felt so sick.
"...I'm sorry."
"What? Ah, Ms. Mei?!"
She shoved him aside, a yelp escaped his lips as he tried to reach for her. He failed, Mei quickly rushed through the cafeteria and out onto the empty hallway as fast as she could, her mind spun as she felt her eyes blurred with each passing second; the world was nothing but a mess of colors to her.
She tried to breathe, yet nothing could enter her lungs.
She tried to mutter something, anything, yet all she could muster was choked gasps, her chest feeling like it was about to combust from the pressure filling up her very body.
Her hand unconsciously reached for a nearby door, carelessly and without any modesty flung the frame wide open, a loud crash echoed beside her as she shoved herself right through the doorway, her eyes darted frantically to the side, landing her sights on a nearby sink.
She fell towards it, barely managing to keep herself upright by holding onto the sink with her trembling hands. She turned the faucet, the stream shooting out rapidly as it hit her outreached hand, the shaking growing ever worse.
She let out another shudder, her palm violently trembled as she filled it with water, before splashing herself in the face.
Then again, and again, and again; until all she could see was a watery curtain over her eyes, her lips wet and quivering from the cold, her collar and shirt utterly drenched.
With trembling shoulders, her knees finally gave up, knocking her down to the bathroom floor as she slumped against the wall beside the sink, the water continuing to pour down the drain. She racked her head against the wall, shutting her eyes as she muttered incoherent whispers to herself, her knees pressed against her chest as she rocked back and forth, balling her hands into fists as she rested them onto it.
She knew it was a dream.
She knew it was.
Everything she had experienced was just that; an unreal reality.
From the moment she first felt it, to the moment that it ended in her tears and utter terror at her first time experiencing it so very long ago, she had come to understand that it was never more than just that.
And yet it felt more real than anything she ever experienced in her life; more real than the actual world and life she had lived and experienced in decades.
It was so foreign, a memory of a time that she had no recollection of, no memory to recall back to; and yet it all felt so familiar to her, so nostalgic, so painfully real to her that she could recall every bit of it in her head even now.
But the worst part of it?
The one that made her bury her head into her knees, her tears spilling out of her as she sobbed?
The thing that made her desire nothing more than to shut herself off from everything, from this world, from this reality?
It was the fact that she had to wake up.
It was the fact that she will always wake up; back to this reality no matter how much she craved otherwise.
It didn't matter if it took days, months, or years in that dream; eventually, she will return to this reality, with everything she just experienced being nothing more than just a few seconds in actual time.
She wanted to laugh. She wanted to do anything else that could ease this growing pain in her chest; a pain that never got easier with time like so many others have insisted it would get.
But instead, all she could do was whimper, a pathetic and pitiful noise that only served to choke her out as she continued to wept by the bathroom sink, her fingers digging into her elbows as she wondered what the point of enduring all this was.
Why can't it ever be easier?
Why can't she just forget about those memories?
Why is it that it all just feels so utterly real, and yet it simply isn't?
What was the point in showing her all this? Why does it hurt her so much?
Why can't she make it a reality? Why can't she make Kiana love her the way she had loved her in that dream? In that beautiful, painful yet still so wonderful dream?
Why…
Mei continued to sob, sinking deeply into her knees as she tried desperately to calm her shaking, only failing utterly in her feeble attempts.
She wanted to be loved.
She wanted to be loved so badly.
She wanted to feel like this reality is worth living, that going through this agony again and again is worth something.
Isn't that the answer to her question? Doing all this, it was all to make that a reality, wasn't it?
She can never have that dream, but she is trying to make do with her reality; she's trying so hard to at least give it a shot, to at least try.
Because if not, then what was it all for? What would be the point of every horrible thing she has done till now and will do? What would be the point of all these years of living a life she could hardly call a "life", while experiencing the one she begged to truly be part of?
She can't let it all be a mistake. She couldn't.
She needed to try at least. To the very end.
After a few more minutes, Mei stood back up, her legs shaky as she stared at herself in the mirror, finding a mess of a person looking back at her.
Who was she kidding, she had always been a mess.
Wiping away the tears, she hovered her hands over the draining water once more, a shaky sigh escaped her tight lips.
Such a mess…
She stared at her wet collar and face, feeling nothing but wanting to fall down and sleep away today. She resisted the urge, her fingers lightly grazed the water before bringing it back to her eyes, wiping away the tears.
She still needed to grab that coffee.
Cupping the small coffee cup in her hands, Mei sighed, her eyes fell onto the collar of her wrists damped with water. Her neck twitched, a shiver running down her spine as she felt the soft yet cold touch of her shirt's neck collar; her chest wasn't any better, barely dried from the copious amount of water she had splattered onto herself.
She blinked, restraining herself from letting another sigh escape her throat.
She already felt worse as she is, there was no need to make it worse.
Her gaze lingered on her wet clothes for a moment before she shifted them upward, spotting her office just a bit away from where she stood.
She quickened her pace, nervously shifting her uniform to at least hide as much of the damped stains on her clothes as possible. She raised her hand, rubbing away at the corner of her eyes as she cleared out any possibly tear stains still marked on her sunken face.
As she got closer to her office, a figure began to exit from the open doorway to that very room. It was her friend, her face obscured by her distinct silver-gray hair.
"Bronya?" She called out to her, the girl's head snapped towards the sound of her voice as she stared at her, an expression Mei had never seen Bronya made before.
Mei paused in her step, trying to decipher what that haunting look meant yet found nothing to answer it with.
"What's wrong?" She asked, her tone taking on a more serious note as she took a step forward.
Bronya didn't answer for a moment, her wide-eyed gaze trembled ever so slightly as she kept them locked onto Mei.
"...Sorry, I just got called in for work; urgent at that," Bronya finally blurted, turning her head away suddenly, the rest of her body following suit.
"Eh? Right now?" Mei voiced her confusion, stepping closer to her friend. "But you haven't even drank your coffee–"
"You can have it," Bronya cut her off, her back faced firmly against Mei. "I need to go. I'm sorry."
"W-wait a moment!"
She reached out her hand, trying to grasp onto anything but it was no use, her friend immediately strode away from her; her hair roughly swaying from every swing of her legs.
She stood next to her office, her arm outreached, lingering awkwardly in the air before it fell limplessly to her side. She held her gaze on the distant figure of her friend before it too faded from view, now surrounded by only long hallways filled with the same cubic offices like her.
"...Hah."
The woman finally let out another sigh, no longer bothered to hold back the palpable exhaustion that seeped into her lungs. Her hold on the cup tightened, her indigo eyes flickered as she narrowed her gaze onto the brown surface of the cup.
...At least she won't have to see me like this..
She tried to muster any sense of relief with that thought, only finding herself barely able to let out a half-hearted laugh.
Who am I kidding…this is such a mess…
I want to go home already.
Her eyes broke away from the steaming cup, landing on the computer on her desk. For a moment she lingered in her spot, before she walked back into her office, sitting down on the chair as she placed the cup next to her.
As much as she wanted to, she couldn't afford to go home, not yet; not when she had yet to get rid of those emails.
It only took her a minute to sort through all her mails, finding three distinctly unique letters inside it. She selected all three, her eyes lingered on them as she hovered over the mouse.
She didn't need to erase all of it, but better safe than ever. And so, she clicked, gently shutting her eyes for a moment as she leaned back onto the chair.
She needed to keep going. There was no point in stopping now.
Everything would be for nothing if so, and Mei can't–won't, let that happen. She can't let her mistakes be for nothing.
She will never be able to experience that reality for herself, to live the life she had craved and wanted so badly with her own body and soul. After all, they were nothing more but dreams.
But she will make do with this one, however she can.
For Mei had already found her Kiana, and she didn't intend to give up on it now.
AN: Exactly one month since last update...I suppose that's consistency. Still, gotta learn to write faster.
Anyways, chapter 12! The first part of the three mini act chapters that I have planned is finally here, and *boy* did we started strong with this one. This ended up becoming an incredibly emotionally draining one to write, as I'm sure you all would understand after reading it. It really did took quite a lot out of me, but in the end, I'm happy with how it turned out.
Finally, we got to see more of Mei, and get one step closer to understand more of who she is here. Hopefully, this chapter gave you a better read into her character, if only slightly. There will be a lot more to come, so this wouldn't be the last time we would get a Mei centric chapter.
It's also fitting for me, especially for this chapter, to full out say it. This story is very much Raiden Mei's story. She is the one that drives this story forward, and ultimately will be the one to put an end to it. Other characters will get their time to shine of course, but this is very much a story about her, and I wouldn't have it any other way. She's such a fascinating character to write for here, and I hope I was able to communicate that well.
What started off as just a simple story about kidnapping has truly turned into something more, and I couldn't be more glad to get to share that journey with you all. Hopefully, this chapter was enjoyable from start to finish, and do leave your thoughts in the comments! I love reading through what others think, even if it's just a simple comment. It lets me know if I'm the only one who is going insane or not from this kewk-
But yeah, that's it for today, the next chapter should hopefully come out a bit sooner(this chapter now has topped the previous one being nearly 14k long holy shit-), but until then, I'll see y'all next chapter!
P.S: So Hi3 x HSR is actually going to be a thing now. I am expecting a lot from it, because my god I want it to be genuinely amazing so badly. Please let it be good. Also, here: watch?v=g5BXAdAGMVI&list=PL3g0B-BkHAl2NE-NV3bJccgw7eb-T8wbm&index=2 Listen to this on that scene for extra immersion :)
QnA Time: What was up with the large speakers in Mei's living room? Why did she have that if she's not keen on technology or anything as such?
-It was during one of the many weekend late movie-nights that Mei and Bronya would often have together, in which Bronya brought up the topic of large speakers that would echo the sound around the room to add to the immersion of a movie. The girl never actually asked Mei to buy it or even so much as suggested that notion, but Mei did asked her what she thought would be the best speakers to have installed.
Some time later, Mei bought those exact speakers, and the two got together to watch a movie using it. Mei couldn't remember much of what the movie was about; she never paid attention to it. All she could remember was Bronya's joyful expression as her eyes were glued to the screen, never noticing Mei watching her with the same smile, knowing that she made the girl happy.
