Chapter 14: Kappa Mikey and Guano V:

This chapter takes place during the Oikawa Arc

The New Adventures of Kappa Mikey and Guano. In a familiar convenience store, in a familiar part of town, a call goes out in frustration.

"Will you hurry up?"

A call that would normally be answered by our semi-retired heroes... if they weren't the ones causing the problem.

"Let's see... I want a... no. I want a... uh, no, uh, hmm..."

"Can you please pick something," asks Yolei, "you're holding up the line."

Patamon goes to Kappa Mikey. "Hey, Kappa Mikey, why not just buy some candy?"

"I've made my decision!"

The people cheer.

"I'll take some candy and some dog treats for Guano."

"Now, wait just a darn minute!"

The people are disappointed.

"I don't want any dog treats," says Guano, "I want some real snacks!"

"But it could make you sick."

"Don't you see what you're doing? I'm not a dog!"

"Someone should get a rolled-up newspaper," says Davis.

"Look, you idiots! This is just a suit! I just never bothered taking it off!"

"Do you want your tummy rubbed," asks Veemon.

"I'm a human being and I want real snacks!"

"But it's liver flavored," says Kappa Mikey.

Guano knocks it out of his hand.

"Ooh," says the Digimon.

"I'm tired of playing second banana to a moron! From now on, I'm to be treated like a man! And I'm through with protecting citizens who don't respect me!"

"I respect you, Man," says Patamon.

"I'm a dog, I mean Man! I... Ohh... forget you people. I say if you're not going to give me any respect as a hero, then maybe you'll give me respect as a villain. A villain who is... evil!"

"Evil," says Patamon.

"Evil," says the Digidestined and their Digimon.

Kappa Mikey zones out, but then TK slaps him. "Evil!"

"I'm crossing over... to the dark side!"

Half the store is dark. They look at Yolei in confusion.

"My parents are trying to save money," says Yolei.

A villain car comes in, shows brief shot of License Plate (MEAN 2 U), then the window opens revealing Gonard and the Stinky Sock in the car. "Did someone say evil," asks Stinky Sock.

"Holy Recurring Villains," says Patamon, "it's Kappa Mikey's archenemies, Gonard and The Stinky Sock!"

Guano jumps in the car. "Nighty-night you old koot." The villains them leave.

"Nighty-night," says Kappa Mikey, who then looks at Veemon, "will you tuck me in?" Veemon rolls his eyes.

Then the news was on. "We interrupt your bleak and meaningless lives for this special news break. Gonard, the Stinky Sock, and now, playing for the dark side, Kappa Mikey's dog, Guano..."

"I'm a man!"

"... have been committing a series of crimes throughout whatever city we live in."

The three villains steal the tires off Oikawa's car. Oikawa, Arukennimon, and Mummymon arrive with groceries. "Those darn kids," says Mummymon.

"These three have named their alliance: "Badgers Are Dumb, otherwise known as B.A.D.! What can we do? When will this crime wave end? How will we defeat B.A.D.? Why am I asking you all these questions? Kappa Mikey, where are you?"

Kappa Mikey zones out, but then TK slaps him. "Huh? I'm right here! Don't worry, good citizens! Nothing will stop me from defeating B.A.D.!" Kappa Mikey then runs outside. "Nothing!" An ice cream truck drives by. "Ice Cream? I love ice cream! A double scoop of prune with bran sprinkles." Kappa Mikey receives the ice cream, but it explodes. "This always happens when I buy ice cream."

B.A.D. is driving the truck. "You might as well give up," says Guano, "because there are three of us and only one of you. You don't stand a chance." They drive off.

"Are you okay, Kappa Mikey," asks Patamon, "how are you going to beat those three guys all by yourself?"

"You're right," Kappa Mikey sits down, "I give up."

"You can't give up," says Patamon, "what if we help you?"

"Oh no, that's a terrible idea," says Kappa Mikey, "but what if you help me! Carly, Yolanda, what size are you?"

"Actually, it's..." Kari begins.

"Close enough," says Yolei.

...

At the Kappa Cave.

"These were the original uniforms of Lily and Mitsuki."

"Wow, from LilyMu," says Patamon, "they made the best lunchboxes."

"I didn't think they were our sizes," says Kari.

"They weren't originally," says Kappa Mikey, "but I shrunk the suits in the wash. Once you wear them, you will have their fighting abilities."

"Really," asks Yolei.

"Of course, it's how they were designed. Why do you think we dress this way in the first place?"

"I can think of a few good reasons," says Veemon.

Now Kari and Yolei are wearing Lily and Mitsuki's suits.

"We had some adventures," says Kappa Mikey, "I remember when me and Mitsuki... why, we..."

Davis covers his mouth. "Gross, let's move on."

...

"So, it's agreed. We'll get one cheese pizza, one with pepperoni and mushrooms, and one with olives."

An old man appears on the screen. "LilyMu, we need your help."

A weird guy appears on another screen. "I'm here too."

"Holy cameo," says Patamon, "it's Chief Ozu!"

"Thank you for the introduction, but we all know who I am. More importantly, we've found information on the whereabouts of B.A.D."

"The whose-abouts of what," asks Armadillomon.

"Just tell us where they are," says Yolei, "I bet we can take them down."

"Our sources found B.A.D. harassing teenagers at Couple's Creek."

"You know, Couple's Creek," says the other guy, who then makes out with himself while Chief Ozu just stares at him in confusion.

"Those fiends," says Kappa Mikey, "attacking hormonally stressed-out children! To Couple's Creek!"

"But what about that pizza," asks Armadillomon.

...

Two teens are panicking from the evil B.A.D. is doing.

"Rob and Carol, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

"Oh," says the Stinky Sock, "shine the light over there, Gonard!"

"Haha, with pleasure," says Gonard, as he does so, and they see a guy make out with a pillow.

"Hey man, that's not cool."

B.A.D. laughs, but then Kappa Mikey appears.

"Leave those young lovers alone!"

"Well, if it isn't Caput Mikey," says Gonard, "you saved us the trouble of tracking you down."

"You fiends can't win," says Kappa Mikey, "I've got you outnumbered!"

"You senile bag of paste," says Gonard, "there are three of us and only one of you!"

Kari and Yolei arrive in their new uniforms and the Digimon came in their armored forms, and in Wormmon's case, his champion form.

"Make that nine," says Kari.

"And me makes 192," says Kappa Mikey, "I think."

"Uh-oh," says Gonard.

"I don't have a good feeling about this," says Stinky Sock.

"Oh, there goes our toy deal," says Guano.

"LilyMu, attack," says Kappa Mikey.

"Oh no, please, mercy," says Guano.

When Kari and Yolei get out their lasers, they accidently trap the Digimon in a large energy net. The girls then put the lasers in a bush and walk away, slowly.

"Well, this is happening," says Flamedramon.

The Villains look at the Fallen Heroes as Kappa Mikey falls backwards.

"We did it, we won," says Guano, "this day belongs to B.A.D.!" Guano then approaches Kappa Mikey. "You've lost, Kappa Mikey, and the superhero and supervillain rules say you have to give me my demands."

"Okay, what do you want?"

"World domination," says Gonard, "tell him we want world domination!"

"And make him eat dirt!" Gonard stares at the Stinky Sock. "In addition to the... domination thing."

"Number one, I want to be treated like a superhero, not a sidekick. Number two, I want you to remember I'm not a dog. And number three..."

"Come on, world domination!"

"I want human snacks."

Gonard and the Stinky Sock stare in shock. "Did you hear him say anything about eating dirt?"

"Need a hand, Superpal?"

Kappa Mikey and Guano both tear up and then shake hands.

Friend!

"Good to have you back on the side of justice," says Kappa Mikey, "let's get you some human snacks." Kappa Mikey and Guano then walk away.

"Was that it," asks an annoyed Gonard, "that's sickening!"

"Oh, this reminds me of the time I went to Cancun with the Evil Clown," says the Stinky Sock, "oh, they had these papaya drinks that were to die for!"

"Shut up!"

...

"How's the candy," asks Kappa Mikey.

"Honestly, I think it's starting to make me sick."

Kappa Mikey and Guano then laugh.

...

The Digimon laugh while Kari and Yolei try to free them.

...

The guy who was kissing his pillow laughs.

...

Gonard and the Stinky Sock laugh while they're in jail.

...

Chief Ozu and his Yes-Man then laugh.