Chapter 3: Thems the Rules

Spoiler warning: Major spoilers for Hazbin Hotel Season 1

Cover art, idea, and $request$ by precisespace on Tumblr

Written by ViktheViking

For details on how you could request a story, click the link in my Tumblr bio viktheviking1

A moment of awkward silence passed between the four men when electricity began sparking out of Vox. Like a storm cloud, his energy sparked between parts of himself and to the nearest objects. A vase of flowers burst into flames, the computers absorbed the energy, shutting down, and the coffee table simply turned to dust.

Val sighed and took three steps back, "Here we go."

In a flash of light, Vox crossed the room and jumped fist first towards Alastor. The radio demon simply responded with a bemused face and used a black tendril of magic to catch Vox's fist, now inches from his face. They glared at each other, close enough that Vox felt Alastor's exhale, before falling to the ground. The radio demon just stood there looking smug, hands behind his back.

"Ah! If it isn't my hot-headed old friend. How lovely to see you in person! Do you need some coolant for your systems?" Alastor's menacing grin reached his eyes.

Vox picked himself up off the floor, and glared "If you were trying to be clever, you failed. Most TV's use internal cooling fans, not coolant."

Alastor shrugged, "I suppose that does make more sense. You would be the type to install your own personal fan to inflate your ego."

Vox clenched his teeth.

"What's wrong, sparky? Bite through your tongue again?" Alastor sneered.

Vox lunged, but this time at Valentino. He grabbed Val's shoulders, "What did you do?!"

"Just made a little gamble for a new slut, that's all." Valentino smiled but looked just a little nervous.

Vox opened his mouth to yell, but Val continued, "I'd never bet anything actually important. It's just for another whore's soul."

Vox gave a long, low groan at the ground, before looking back up again, "Which whore?"

"Angel Dust, but don't worry! His numbers have been going down anyway, and if we win, we get him, a snake sinner." Valentino leaned in and whispered seductively, "He has 2 dicks."

Alastor noted to himself how Vox seemed just a little happy at the news that they might lose Angel. Interesting~ Trouble in paradise? A little jealousy? That might be useful info to have if and when the show gets a season 2. Too bad this isn't canon.

"You-! What-?! . . . Agh! Let me see the contract!" Vox screamed, and Alastor produced a glowing paper from his pocket; the deal that was just struck between the three overlords (if you included Husk).

Vox snatched it from his hands and began reading intensely.

Valentino leaned over and whispered, "I also got Alastor to say that he would throw himself onto a holy weapon if he cheats. So if we can get him desperate enough-"

"You idiot, you didn't get him to say anything! First, it says if he cheats, meaning at all, not if he gets caught. So he's guaranteed not to even try it. At least he would be if for the fact he never specified what kind of angelic weapon. He could just throw some holy bullets on the ground trip on them, and call it square." Vox rubbed his forehead.

Alastor snickered, and Husk hid a smirk behind his hand. You had to admit, it was a funny image.

"Don't start!" Vox yelled, pinching his fingers together, "I am this close to knocking your antlers off before spring!"

"Aha! You and I both know that you can't, not without this deal being fulfilled first." Alastor took a few steps back and with a wave of his hand, all the furniture glided across the floor and he summoned a large gambling table and chairs, "You can stand there and be all pissy, or you can watch the game but either way, this match is happening whether you like it or not." He walked past Vox, booping where his nose would be as he passed by.

Vox blue screened and started making dialup noises.

Valentino clapped his hands together, "Alright! Black Jack. How do we play?"

All eyes turned to him and stared in silence.

Husk broke it first, "You . . . don't know how to play?"

Valentino put a hand on his hip, "Yeah, so?"

Husk said again, skeptical, "You agreed to gamble a soul away . . . In a game you don't know how to play."

Val shrugged, "Eh. How hard could it be?"

Vox started making a high pitched, white noise grumble, and lunged at Valentino again, tackling him to the ground. They began hitting each other, less with punches, and more with cat fight slaps.

"Shouldn't- shouldn't we, uh . . . Do something?" Husk pointed at them.

"Hmm?" Alastor glanced at him, before turning back again to watch, "Oh, I will. But for now let's just enjoy the moment."

He said it oddly peacefully, like he was staring at trees waving in the wind, and not too full grown men tussling about on the floor. Husk had to admit though it was fun to watch.

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"The goal of blackjack is to have a hand that is higher than mine, the dealer's, but your total must not be higher than 21. If your cards' number value total 22 or higher, you bust, meaning you've lost the round. More than one person can win, and let's say whoever reaches 5 wins first will be the overall winner. If we were playing with chips, the point system would be a little more complicated but a simple win or loose basis will work for this scenario." Alastor shuffled the cards expertly without even looking at them. Husk scoffed at how he showed off, but felt a little pang of jealousy, missing the days that everyone looked to him as the classy card expert, and respected him as an overlord with authority. It had felt good, even if now he recognized how immature and naive it was to need to feel superior all the time.

"First, I will deal out one card face up on the table in front of each of you." Alastor said as he did so, "and then I'll place one in front of myself."

"Then I'll place another one in front of you- What are you doing?" Alastor paused in front of Valentino, who was holding his card in his hand.

"I'm not letting everyone see my cards!" Val crossed his lower arms.

Alastor gave a long sighed, and Husk took to the task of explaining it, "Everyone has to leave their cards face up on the table, it's part of the rules."

"Well, uh-" Val started.

"He can't see the cards." Vox interrupted, standing behind Val, who turned around in his chair to make angry moth squeaks at him.

"Oh." Husk smiled, remembering a conversation with Angel about Val's shitty eyes, "Don't matter, those are the rules."

Valentino grumbled some curse words as he set his card next to the other one Alastor had placed in front of him and leaned over the table until his eyes were inches away from the cards.

Vox sighed, and sat in the empty chair next to him, "I'll read them to you."

Val protested, "I can-"

"No. No, you cannot." Vox interrupted him.

"Aaaanywho" Alastor continued, "I will now place one card face down in front of me. I have here a 9 of diamonds, and an unknown mystery card. Now I will go around the table, and you must say either 'hit' or 'stand'. To hit would be to ask for another card from the top of this deck, and to stand is to say that you do not want anymore cards, and are ready for me to reveal the second card. Once everyone has either busted, meaning they went over 21 and thus have already lost or 'stands' I will reveal my second card and we shall determine who has won that round, and who is closer to failure." he said the last line in quite the sadistic tone.

Husk hardly noticed though, as he added in without thinking, "If the dealer's two cards total 17 or higher, then that is the official number. If their total is less than 17, they have to 'hit' meaning adding another card to the total we are trying to beat, until they reach 17 or higher. But, if at any point the dealer busts, everyone who hasn't busted already, automatically wins the round."

It wasn't until after Husk had finished talking that he realized two things. First, he noticed he had begun smiling as he explained, and second, Alastor was glaring at him with big black eyes, antlers growing just a little, " . . . sorry."

"I've been told I have an ace and a king. The fuck am I supposed to do with these." Val said, pointing at his cards.

Alastor turned to him, impatiently, "Any cards face cards, otherwise known as royal cards, have a value of 10, and Ace cards are either 1 or 11. You get to pick, and you can change the value at any point in the round."

"If you pick 11 right now, you will have exactly 21 on your first two cards. So unless Alastor reveals he has exactly 21 as well, you will win this round." Vox pointed out.

"Hey, you stay out of this!" Husk pounded a fist on the table.

"Now, now, Husk, don't be rude. We have to accommodate the visually impaired and their need for assistance." Alastor patted Husk on the head.

"Reading the cards is one thing, but you're just going to let Vox help him win?" Husk's anger only grew.

"You already had a big advantage Husk, with being such an experienced player-"

"Husk an experienced player? Could've fooled me." Valentino chuckled,

Vox snickered too, but elbowed him in the side.

Alastor continued, "Two against one evens the odds a bit, wouldn't you agree? Plus, there are other rules beyond those basics that Vox knows, and I'm tired of explaining. If they come up, I'm sure he will let his *lounge lizard know. " He leaned in towards Vox with that same amused grin as ever. Vox held his stare, glaring back.

Valentino rolled his eyes, "Can we get started already?"

"Of course!" Alastor turned to him, "Hit or stand?"

*lounge lizard: a term more popular in the 1920s for a man who is lazy, pleasure seeking, and often sexually active who frequents lounges, nightclubs, or any place where rich people and socialites gather to sit around doing nothing.

Author's Note:

Hi everyone, Vik here. So sorry that this has taken forever. I had to learn how to play black jack and figure out how to write the rules for it without sounding like an instruction manual. Honestly, one of the hardest things I've had to write. I very much regret not going with roulette; the casino kind, not the gun kind. Get your minds out of the . . . If sexual thoughts are in the gutter, where are violent thoughts? The dumpster? Point is, that would have been much easier to explain, but Husk is known for gambling and fighting with cards, the cover of this series has a card on it, and the name of this series is a card. It would be insane for the game they play not to involve cards. There were also other reasons why playing roulette wouldn't work as well for the story, but I'm not going to spoil anything 👀

Thank you for all the wonderful and kind comments you've been leaving. Hopefully, the next chapter won't take as long to come out. No promises though, because I will be moving soon! Yay! But yeah, that and some other stresses are coming up soon so we'll have to see. Thanks for all of your support, and I'll see you in the next one.

Byyyyyyyeee!

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