A new update. Sadly no Dani yet and no, I can't say what happened to her, that would be spoiling! So, yeah... Garrus not in a happy place right now. Neither is Tali. Or Shepard. Thank you all for reviewing and following. It feels good to see that people are invested in Dani and Garrus! Keep the reviews coming, they make me happy. Suggestions to improve the story are always welcome.
Requiem for a dream
Six months had passed since that rueful day. Somewhere during that time span, they had gone to Ilos. When Shepard had offered that maybe Garrus should stay behind, he'd been near ready to tear the head off of his commanding officer. All he needed was a suicide mission. He needed to fight. Needed to forget. He could never forgive, but sometimes, just sometimes – during the heat of battle – he could forget.
Commander Shepard had wanted to inform the crew with an official statement. Her full name – Garrus had only known her has Dani Pryde – still rang in his mind, it didn't cease, it didn't let up, it didn't let him rest.
Garrus had left to tend to the Mako right after the announcement. Tali had approached him, had tried to talk to him. When he'd kept walking, Tali even went so far as to grasp his hand to pull him back. But when he'd turned around to face her, Tali only needed one look at his face to let him go, backing away with her head bent in silent despair.
Ilos had been just what he needed. And after that the Citadel. It had been a mad dash, a race against time when they found out Sovereign's ultimate plan. When they found out that the Citadel itself was in fact a giant mass relay. A mass relay that Saren had been about to activate to hail in the Reapers. Turned out the Conduit wasn't a super weapon after all. Just a miniature mass relay on Ilos linking directly to the heart of the Citadel. A back door.
Yes, Ilos had served him well.
The fight for the Citadel had been even better. Fighting Saren. Fighting Sovereign. Killing Saren. Killing Sovereign. They had almost lost Shepard.
But, in the end, even the giant carcass of a dead Reaper had not been enough to take down Commander Shepard.
The aftermath of the battle had been... felt ... severely. Many human lives had been sacrificed to save the Destiny Ascention, to save the Council. Shepard and his crew realized that Sovereign had only been a vanguard. The rest of the Reapers were still waiting patiently, far beyond the galactic rim, to eventually return. Despite the gratitude of the Council, they still brushed off the threat as improbable and preposterous.
It would take years to rebuild the Citadel. The months after it's near destruction were in token of mourning and rebuilding. With all the lives that had been lost – Sovereign's threat soon forgotten by many – life still went on, except for him.
In all this, the one relief he felt, was the removal of Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams from the Normandy. Dishonorable discharge, Shepard had called it. Though no evidence was found of malicious intent, Garrus had seen . . . something . . . in her eyes when she turned to face him while being escorted off the Normandy. Garrus had wanted to ask her why. Why had she gone that far and what was it exactly that she had done? So many questions and so little answers.
In the end, Garrus had just stayed away from her. He would have torn her limb from limb instead of asking some pointless questions that in the end, wouldn't change a thing.
An official investigation was launched on Noveria that included forces on Noveria, even the Alliance. But, the only thing that could be said with certainty was that Dani had left with a group of salarians who had then turned up dead, without a trace of her. Who was behind the abduction and why was unknown.
He didn't even know whether she was dead or still alive somewhere out there. Every day was living between hope and despair.
Shepard had informed Dr. Torque about Dani's disappearance. Garrus had been present and so had Alex Wright. It had ended in a shouting match between them. Both blaming the other for Dani's ultimate fate and both seeing their own sense of loss and raw pain reflected in the other. It probably was a good thing they hadn't met in person. Neither Dr. Torque or Wright would have made it out alive.
His own grief had hit him over the head in the first days after defeating Sovereign. He had hoped that, by keeping himself occupied in life-or-death fights, time would help in accepting his loss. He had been wrong in that assumption. Her picture was still everywhere for him to see. Her delicate face always hidden in the corners of his eyes. In his dreams she would haunt him and he would smell her scent, hear her voice and feel her lips on his mandibles.
Now he was here to clear out her room. It was over, done. He was leaving for the Citadel.
Garrus looked around the small room that Dani had shared with the others. There was her empty bunk, some clothes she wouldn't wear again, her locker. He had no interest in her clothes, except for the tunic he had accidentally ripped. He gently draped it over the bed that hadn't been used these long six months.
He cleared out her locket, spread the sparse contents over the single desk in the room. The paint and the brushes he pushed aside. The portrait Dani had made of him was already in his room, wrapped and ready for transport. There were many sheets of papers scribbled with formulas, equations, numbers he just couldn't make sense of. He was about to push them away, but changed his mind and put them next to her tunic.
There was a small kit containing her pencils and whatever she used when sketching and a thumbed sketchbook. He flipped it open and saw a page filled with the faces of Dr. Torque, Alex Wright and a couple of children, probably the Torque kids. On the next page he found sketches of Shepard, most of them simple and quickly drawn. There was a large more detailed sketch of Shepard, a not so flattering one of Ashley, a few of Tali, Liara, Wrex even Kaidan. The first sketch he found of himself made him grimace. His teeth and talons were grossly exaggerated and his eyes – quite evil looking in the sketch – seemed to glow eerily. Stuff of nightmares. If that's how she had first perceived him, he could understand why she'd been so afraid.
There were more sketches of him in different settings and poses. Him lining up a shot, crouched down near the Mako, leaning against the wall. In each subsequent drawing of him the harshness in his features diminished. The last drawing took his breath away. It was of him. Not a full frontal but not quite a profile either. His face drawn out over the entire page and the detail was excruciatingly accurate. He could only guess the amount of time poured into this little project.
"Garrus?"
He had to tear his gaze away from the sketch to acknowledge Tali.
"I know you don't really like me right now. But I wanted to say good-bye anyway. You were a good friend, Garrus, and I will cherish our friendship always. No matter what you might think of me now."
Her voice sounded so small, tinged with sadness and grief.
"So, you're ride is here to take you back to the Flotilla?" he inquired, trying to keep the anger from his voice. He had to let that go. Dani wouldn't have wanted him to keep blaming Tali for what happened.
"Yes. I have something I'd like to give you. But I'm not sure if you'd want it."
"I have something for you too. I think. . . Dani would want you to have this." He thumbed through the sketchbook and gently tore out the pages devoted to Tali. There was an absolutely stunning drawing of Tali and Dani's interpretation of what her face might look like. An ethereal glow on her skin, eyes shining like jewels. Tali let out a sob when she took the sketches he handed to her.
"Thank you," she whispered and then punched in a sequence on her omni-tool. Garrus' omni-tool flashed a couple of times and when he looked, he saw that Tali had sent him some data. When he looked at her for an explanation she shook her head.
"I made this the day she – you know – We talked about you and, well, I was able to catch this on vid. Good-bye Garrus. Keelah se'lai."
Garrus simply spread his arms and before he knew it he had them wrapped around Tali's quivering frame.
"Keelah se'lai, Tali," he whispered softly before he let her go.
He took a few more moments contemplating the place Dani had spent her time before heading back to his own quarters. He needed to start packing himself.
Dani's belongings he wanted to take with him were placed gently near the wrapped painting. He hoped to find someone on the Citadel who could help him preserve it. Quite a bit of sand had let loose and the painting looked a bit vague but he still recognized himself in it and he wanted to keep it that way. Before gathering the rest of his stuff, he set down on his bed and activated the vid Tali had sent him.
Dani's face hovered in front of him, in holo-form but clear as day. There was this look of dread in her eyes.
"I'm in love with Garrus Vakarian," she stated softly and hesitant, but the moment she did her eyes grew large in wonder and relief. "Tali! I'm in love with Garrus Vakarian!" The pure look of exaltation on her face finally undid him. A sound of raw pain and lamentation ripped from his throat. A turian was never supposed to surrender to something as weak as emotion, but he needed this. Right now, he needed to give voice to his loss, his regret, his sorrow, before he would assume his place in society again.
He'd decided to return to C-Sec. Even reapply for Spectre training. He felt like he could do some good there. Make a difference. Somehow forget this thing that never really had gotten the chance to be something and get on with his life. After all, it wasn't like she'd been his bond mate or something. It was good it had ended when it had so at least he was spared that kind of grief. Damn. . . who the hell was he kidding!
"Garrus, I know you want to leave and I understand."
Garrus looked up and saw Shepard standing in the doorway.
"But, I was thinking . . . Dani's body has not been recovered. And I know what you might think, all the official investigations led to nothing. But, what if we took an unofficial approach? Say, Shadowbroker unofficial?"
Garrus slowly got up from the bed and moved to stand in front of Shepard. "What are you suggesting, Shepard?"
"The Council has dispatched us to clean up remaining geth. Back to scouring planets. I suggest we do that and keep our eyes and ears open. In the meantime, we let the Shadowbroker do what he does best."
"The Shadowbroker?"
"Yeah, I figure he owes me a favor for handing over that Cerberus data. If anyone can find out what happened to Dani, it's the Shadowbroker. I'm not sure how you feel, but I'll only accept Dani is dead when I lay my own eyes on her corpse. No one gets left behind Garrus!"
"I . . . I . . . dammit! I need to move on sometime, Shepard! But . . .Dammit I can move on later. If you're really going after her, I'd appreciate it if you ignore my request for transfer."
"Yeah, sorry Garrus but I deleted that the moment I got it. So, don't bother packing you're stuff. I'll contact the Shadowbroker's agent. We've got some geth to shoot and with a bit of luck, finally get you that girlfriend!"
The smiles they sent each other was just a ghost of their usual mirth. But, it was a start. There was a little bit of hope again and until there was none left at all, Garrus would cling to it for everything he was worth.
