Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of the witcher. Those are property of Mr Sapkowski and I using Netflix series canon here.


Warnings : Contains a non consensual kiss. Sexual tension and scene. Nothing graphic but that can be disturbing. For the rest, you began to know me, this is mostly depression.


Notes : My Radovid comes from a very dark place in his mind, so he won't feel accessible at first I guess. He is doing dubious things. But he has a lot of space to grow.

This fic will go from the gap between season 1 and 2, to the end of season 3.


Is this real ?

###

Like every day, he was sad - terribly sad - but he had to smile. His life was empty, meaningless, but it seemed to the rest of the world that he had everything he wished. The truth was he could have everything he asked for, except the things that mattered. A future. A purpose. Love…

He was only the prince of Redanian - always second in a dysfunctional family and in a toxic environment. Even his own brother never shared real empathy with him. He was the weird one. The one that couldn't do something for the kingdom. He knew that deep down there was some love perhaps. But like everyone in his family, he didn't know how to express things if there was no purpose to the grandeur of the nation. So yeah, he was the weird one. The one that needed more but who learned how to hide it. All his being was craving for something he never experienced fully in his life. Yet he was sure he had it in his grasp, just under his finger tips. Just he couldn't find it in anyone else.

He looked around, at all those people in the banquet room, feasting with them. They were all facade. He needed distraction to end this empty day in a more compelling way.

Laughs erupted. All false of course. This was like the rendition of a too well known music playing in the back of his head. The partition was written. The show rehearsed. So Radovid wasn't listening. He heard that story a thousand times. His brother was retelling it every time new nobles would join the table. His only pleasure was to see Dijkstra's forced smile as he was feeling the pain too but wasn't allowed to show it either. He hated that man. But he was a competent bastard in his field.

The prince hid his satisfaction in his gobelet of wine when the chief of the Redanian Intelligence glared back at him. He faked drinking though. He was pacing himself for the dessert.

There was one of those new nobles who was appetizing and seemed interested in an after. But having new nobles at the court was always tricky. They all wanted something from the royal family, and some would go great lengths to get what they wanted - like having sex with the brother of the king. They were all flattering and were all fake until they came in his bed. There they couldn't lie, naked as a newborn and trembling with fear and passion in his hands.

Most got the romantic side of him right, but none had the words to light his heart and very few understood that he was also fire and passion. That couldn't be faked by a plotting person on the moment of truth.

He eyed his pretendant for the night. He was a bit young - around 25 - but his call was clear. He was pretty. Broad stature. Nice smile. Lifting his gobelet, Radovid called Ava, who was standing near his brother gesticulating to illustrate his story. She came with the alcohol and began to pour him more wine, even if his glass was not empty.

- "Do you see that young lad ? Galen I think he is called."

- "Yes, my lord." She replied after a quick glance at the table he was looking at.

- "Can you give him a message ? You know which one."

- "Yes, my lord."

She went away and took her place behind the king. Ava knew what she had to do, and especially when to do it. Vizimir finished his story with an exclamation and a wide mouvement symbolizing how he took the life of his opponent. Cheers and applause followed. Ava made her move. She slid discreetly toward the table of Galen and told him something. Radovid enjoyed seeing him stopped all at once and turning white as a sheet. He was a faker then. He smiled at him, saluting him with his gobelet and saw the panic in his eyes. Blunt language and pure sexual images weren't for the faints of hearts. If he wanted to fuck him then he had to be prepared.

Radovid was ready to play a little bit more but something else caught his attention : Philippa rushing back into the banquet room. She tried to make it appear like everything was normal but he could read in her body language the urgency. She sat next to Dijkstra and whispered something to his ear. The man's fake smile dropped instantly. This was intriguing.

Radovid didn't have much to do of his life. And those two were an enigma to him. They were doing their job a little bit too well sometimes and if he couldn't be of use to his brother directly, he had always found a way to be an alternative source of information. Sometimes he was through spying on the spies. He knew what to do. This was another partition but the music was more exciting.

The servants were coming back to take the main course out of the tables. This was the moment to play his part. Radovid stood up and announced with a slurred intonation that he was taking his leave for the night.

- "I think I drank too much." He giggled.

He saw the disapproval on his brother's face but also some relief. He didn't want to have a drunk family member to display to the new members of the court.

The prince took a whole pitcher of wine to another servant and with his full gobelet still in hand, he acted his way out, taking just a little detour to make a final impression on that tasty boy who thought he could play with him in the first place.

###

The halls were empty and he went right to his special corner. This was a little alcove with a tinted window giving on the gardens. It was near a nice passage that the two secrets agents of the crown were taking often. And this was a place where he was known for doing inappropriate things, so he never raised suspicion there. Also, near there was his special room where he had little festivities with other noble people from time to time.

He opened the window to let the fresh air and the moon light in, and drank his wine whole before he served himself another shot. He wanted the heat of the alcohol to be real for what was to come. Patience was all he needed and he had plenty.

He didn't have to wait too long to hear footsteps coming in the intersection. To his surprise though, it was Galen coming his way. He had followed the crumbs Eva gave him in his outrageous message to find him. He was impressed.

- "So you wanna play then ?" He said with a corner smile. This was just perfect for his act.

- "Yes my lord." Came the timid response.

This was funny and a bit sexy that such a big guy was intimidated by him. When he would drop the furs and the layers he would be such a twig physically but would still have the ascent psychologically. He didn't like to act this way. But it was how it worked here. Break one's defenses beforehand, and then play them. He already knew this one had something to hide so this wasn't too hard to forget the morality in his actions.

- "Please come here and take a seat with me."

He invited him politely and Galen came. He sat nervously in front of him. The cold light of the moon was playing gracefully with his face and body. He was a handsome man for sure. There was no eye contact though. Radovid smiled. Even if he didn't want to be there, he was very determined to make that connection, he had to give him that.

So he played it nice at first. He didn't want to destroy that man in the end. This was just playing the game of nobles trying to pull strings and he would get a bit of pleasure out of it. He gently invited him to some soft contacts first. With precise movements he helped him in a better position, and came closer. He tried a kiss. It was returned nicely. So he began to undress him slowly. Galen was shivering. He couldn't tell if it was because of the cold breeze of the night or something else.

He gave him his gobelet and pour him wine. The man just nervously drank it whole. Yes of course he wanted the disinhibition of alcohol. He served him another. It went down the same way. On the third, he stopped him and showed him something more appetizing to do with the carmin liquid and the recipient. To his surprise Galen was interested in that. And the preliminaries became more playful.

He removed his furs and dropped them to the ground. This was the first act of the play : putting evidence for any curious eyes of what was happening there. During their little games, he wasn't drinking as much as his partner and toward the sixth gobelets, the man was more open to suggestions.

So Radovid pushed a little bit further. He touched and he kissed with a bit more passion the skin he had revealed before. Galen was receptive. At least he was a man loving men. This was exciting. So he pushed a little bit further again but this time the tension came back. The man didn't want to do this, at all. Radovid knew but he had wished for something more. But there was never something more. This little game here wasn't funny anymore.

He was about to tell the man to go away when he heard what he wanted to hear in the first place. Philippa and Dijkstra were coming his way and stopping at the corner. He whispered a sorry and forced the kiss this time. Galen made a sudden movement that sent the gobelet and the pitcher to the ground in a very loud noise.

- "What is it ?" Asked Philippa.

Radovid moaned ostensibly.

- "Nothing. That's the drunk little brother. He is fucking in the corner as always." Answered Dijkstra. "Let's get further."

He heard the footsteps going away. He had very little time to finish this if he wanted to follow them properly and know what important news Philippa got tonight. He broke the kiss and Galen looked at him with a mix of fear and arousal. Radovid knew that the alcohol was playing hard on the man's judgment.

- "Who told you to fuck me ?" He asked, before taking off his boots in a nonchalant way.

- "I…I…"

- "I am not going to fuck you, baby boy. Just answer."

- "My mother…"

- "What for ?" He removed his first gilet and drop it to the ground, in the heap formed by his furs.

- "Commercial advantages. She said that if I could get close to you, you could influence your brother for our affairs."

- "Of course... Tell her that the little story my brother loves to share at the banquets isn't just a story. Some have lost their heads for less than that. Now leave if you don't want me to report this outrage to the crown."

Galen didn't need to be told twice. He took his clothes and ran away. The alcohol and the adrenaline were a bad mix. He was not walking straight. Radovid giggled. This was perfect.

He left his own clothes there and rushed in the direction the two spies had taken. Without boots and all his heavy stuff on, he was almost silent. He knew by heart the first part of their path. They had a routine. They always took the halls with no guards, like his own pleasure corridor. They didn't want any ear listening to their little schemes.

He saw them taking a turn to a little inner garden of the castle. There was a little fountain whose noise was partially covering their voices. He followed them and stuck to the stone, behind a pillar. He listened carefully.

- "So tell me more about that diplomatic incident."

- "Temeria has raided the Great Oak Bleobheris." Said Philippa after some formalities.

- "What does it have to do with us ?"

- "Jaskier - the White Wolf's bard - was there and he was wounded."

- "Badly ?"

- "He will live. I am more concerned about his mental state. We have some worrying reports from the days before."

- "I know, I know… He is very sad and very alcoholic."

- "You mean deeply depressive. This incident might be the little push he needed to jump over the bridge. We may have lost a connection here and the most solid one."

- "I am not so sure. We just have to keep him alive long enough. He always came for him. He will come in time."

- "What are you proposing ?"

- "He is a bard who lost his muse and almost died in a raid. He is raw. Let's find him some new purpose in life. I have some ideas. But for now, go check on him and make sure he is taking care of well. I will find some more information about that raid. We may have another interest in this mess for the king."

There was no answer from Philippa. Radovid slid away from his position and ran through the halls. Dijkstra would probably come out soon. He was so excited. The news were bad but he had succeeded again to get new informations. He would have to play again in the castle to get a better picture of what was happening. Finally something exciting about the day and perhaps the next.

He returned to his little corridor. All he has to do was staging his presence here. He sat purposely in a very suggestive way and tried to calm his racing heart. Soon enough the spy master will return here and would do his job.

While he was faking his post sex alcoholic nap, his mind weirdly stuck to one name he heard. Jaskier.

Dijkstra and Philippa were interested in the most famous bard of the Continent. He didn't get the real extent of what was said because all those reports were just words after all. But he knew one thing. If there was one thing he liked in life, it was those songs that bard was writing.

He never saw the man. He never heard him sing them. Only the royal bards were repeating parts of his repertoire. This was all he knew. And just that was enough to light something dormant in him. That thing nobody had or everyone faked to get him. Jaskier was the man known for singing about love in every way. From the most dirty to the most romantic. The only one that knew how to put words on what he knew but couldn't experience. What if love was real ?

###

Dijkstra didn't come back and the fake nap began to feel like a real one. The sudden drop of adrenaline after the chase, the fatigue of his own silent depression and the alcohol he had taken quite massively between the banquet and the games he played with Galen - even if he paced himself - were working to shut his body down.

In his slightly foggy mind, Radovid was beginning to drift. He was fantasizing about that man who was writing about love. He pictured himself with such a man. This was perfect but that couldn't be true. No-one knew what was under the mask he wore to please his family, or satisfy his position in society. Everyone was thinking he had no feelings and he was simply a sex beast because of the way he treated his episodic conquests. The truth was that like everyone else they didn't love him.

But the dream was full of that frustrated love that he didn't even have the chance to partially satisfy tonight. He could almost feel kisses on his skin. He was shivering. Maybe that was the night breeze. Or maybe this was the one who would reveal him. Tears came to his if love was real ?He moaned from the pain in his heart and the fake pleasure in his mind.

But everything stopped brutally as a calloused hand landed on his wrist. Radovid almost screamed. Dijkstra had done his job, he was just a little bit late.

- "Your majesty, you should probably do these things in your room. Aslo the open window isn't a very good idea. This part of the castle isn't well guarded." The spy master said with that forced smile of his.

His staged nap was a little bit too convincing this time. Radovid looked up at the man with his eyes full of tears. Yeah he could still feel the bite.

- "Well I do what I want, where I want, and I prefer to do it with no guards looking." He slurred.

- "May I ask where is the man you were with before ?" Dijkstra was now suspicious.

- "Crying in his mother's petticoat. I would watch them more closely if I were you. More than the king's little brother's personal things, done in the dark, out of sight..."

- "What do you mean ?"

Radovid stood up and wobbled slightly.

- "Nothing important. Just the usual. I'll let you figure it out. Now if you excuse me."

He let the mess behind on purpose. Acting like he didn't care was part of his game. Now he had to do an exit. He walked away, trying to ignore the pain in his heart. When he arrived at his room, something clicked in his foggy mind. He realized that he threw Galen and his family into the deepest troubles. He entered his room and fell on his bed.

This was not a game. This was not just an act. This was real life. How much was he fucked up to act this way ? He screamed in his pillow, knowing that tomorrow or maybe the days after Galen and his mother would be dead because of him. What if life wasn't real ? He wished.


I hope you like it.

Notes : I started this one on ao3 just to see if the radskier fan from there likes it. I still don't know lol, but I might get back here and push back the story this other way round like I do normally. I won't lie ao3 gives me anxiety. Silence for silence, I feel less alone here.

Lots of love everyone !