A/N This entire chapter will take place during Theo's sixth year at Hogwarts. Just to give you wonderful readers a heads up, this chapter is a series of letters that Theo writes but never sends to Daphne.
Thank you too my new followers, A Frozen Shadow and Sunset Whispers
Thank you for all the wonderful reviews from Sunset Whispers, my faithful Guest, and as always, I Love Music. You guys make my days.
Chapter 22: Letters He'll Never Send
September 7th
Hi Baby
I know if I send this letter your father will most likely destroy it, if he doesn't just send it back. Not to worry, I plan on just storing it along with all the other letters I plan to write, in a small wooden box I have. It was charmed to hold as many letters as I need it to. Maybe one day, I will get the chance to give them to you. I promised to write every day and so far, I have not kept that promise. Guess, I was busy feeling sorry for myself because your father won't let us write to each other.
I miss you terribly Daphne. The train ride was longer than I remember it being, maybe it's because you were not sitting beside me. Draco went on and on, about some mission he claims he has for 'The cause'. I think the only one who really seemed to care was Pansy.
Blaise was invited to join 'The Slug Club'. I know you have no idea what that is. Our new Potions Master has a club of some kind. He wants the best of the best in it, but apparently Draco and I do not qualify even though our grades would say otherwise, because of our fathers. Whatever. Oh, yeah, Snape teaches DADA this year.
I am going to try out for our house racing team later this year. Wish me luck. Wish you were here to give me a kiss for luck.
Pansy started telling all the girls in the house I was available. Then called me an idiot for insisting I am still dating you. Maybe I am, but I am not ready to give up. I know someday, somehow, we will find each other again. I just hope it's before you forget me.
Well, it's my birthday. Seventeen and all. Feels the same as sixteen, just lonelier. I am technically 'of age', though. I could just up and leave Hogwarts, head to France and look for you. Maybe I should. I suppose that would make your father really happy, not only would you be with the son of a Death Eater, but one, who didn't finish school. Perhaps I should stay. One good thing is, I can use magic now whenever I want. Funny, being able to use it whenever you want, sounds great, until you can. Now I can't think of a single thing I would do with it, if I was at home.
Merlin, I miss you. I hope you're well and thinking about me. Once today, I thought I heard a female voice down the hall say, 'Happy Birthday', but when I turned around no one was there. I bet somehow; it was you. At least, that is what I keep telling myself.
I love you, Daphne. Always will.
Forever yours, Theo
xXXx
September 22nd
Good morning Baby!
I couldn't sleep, so I am writing today's letter a little early. I must be looking pretty sad lately, even though I try to hide it. Millie came up to me yesterday at dinner and gave me a hug without warning. When she pulled away, she just looked at me and said, 'I am sure she misses you, too.'
Do you?
Stupid Question, of course you do.
Tryouts for the race team are this weekend. Warrington seems to think I have a pretty good chance. Of course you know, he has been on the team since he was a first year, and also plays Quidditch, so praise from him is really saying something. I still don't like the guy, but I don't have to like him, just respect him as a team member. He is Quidditch Captain this year. I thought for sure it would be Draco, but the team voted in Warrington. Anyway, I will let you know how tryouts go just as soon as they post the roster.
I think maybe Draco is taking whatever this mission is of his, a little too seriously. I can't imagine he was given a task of great importance, but he really seems preoccupied by it all the time. The first couple of weeks, he acted as if what he has to do was going to be easy, but the last few days he has been rather testy.
While at Hogsmead the other day, he just disappeared for the entire afternoon. When we walked into the Three Broomsticks for lunch and butterbeers it was all three of us, Blaise, Draco and me. But when Blaise, and I went to sit down at the table, Draco was gone. Claims he got tired and went back to the castle for a nap. Draco, went to take a nap, I don't buy it. Do you?
Perhaps I am just overreacting, you were always more perceptive than I am, what do you think?
Well, I better get dressed, I want to go practice before my first class this morning. I miss you Baby and love you just as much today as I always have.
Forever Yours, Theo.
xXXx
October 4th
Guess What Baby!
I made the team! I can't believe it; I actually made the team. Me and nine other guys, the Slytherin house racing team! I am so excited I can barely stand it. I don't think I could pay attention in most of my classes. I just kept thinking about practices, and races and winning the tournaments. Maybe I will finally help us win the House Cup this year.
Can I confess something to you? I was so excited when I saw the post with my name on it, I wanted to write to my father and tell him. Is that dumb? Is it dumb, that after everything the man has put me through and the things, he has done to me, that part of me still wants the bastard to be proud of me?
But I do Daph. I want so badly to hear him say, 'I am proud of you Theodore, well done'. All I have ever heard is what a disappointment I am. Is it so wrong to want just one positive word from the man? Truth be told, I would like to hear him say 'I love you son'. But who am I kidding? We both know he doesn't, so that will never happen.
I guess I really am lonely this year. Of course that's all your fault, for not being here. I know, you would be if you could. I will make sure to get video of the races for you. Do you think Snape would let me put a big picture of you in the stands, so I can pretend you're watching and cheering for me? How silly would that be?
I miss you my love, more and more every day. I hope you can somehow feel me. Sometimes at night, while lying in bed, I can feel you.
Guess I better get to bed, I am going to need sleep if I am going to do well on the team.
I love you, Daphne.
Forever Yours, Theo.
xXXx
October 12th
Hey Baby,
Interesting things going on. No, not with the team, that is going great. I mean with other things. Do you remember Katie Bell. Gryffindor, Quidditch player, she is a seventh year? Sure, you do. Well today, while in Hogsmead she somehow got her hands on a cursed necklace and is now in some sort of a coma. They are having to send her off to St. Mungo's, because Madam Pomfrey doesn't know what to do for her.
We were all called back to the castle and sent to our dormitories. Strange thing is though, Draco never showed up. I waited in the common room for him until we were finally allowed to go to dinner, but he never came.
He wasn't at dinner either. We had to sit and listen to Dumbledore talk about being diligent, and careful, and not taking things from strangers, what are we all first years? There was a rumor they were going to cancel all trips to Hogsmead for the remainder of the year because of it. Can you imagine, it's only October? But that turned out only to be a rumor.
Now the talk is that someone here at Hogwarts cursed her. She is a Half-blood and a Gryffindor, so of course the gossip is a Slytherin did it. I bet you don't miss that part of Hogwarts, always being labeled an evil person, simply because you happen to be Slytherin. Guess people forget most of us are here, because we are ambitious and clever, not because we are evil.
I just looked at the time, it is two in the morning Baby, and Draco is still not back. I know he is a prefect and has duties to perform, but I haven't seen him now since breakfast. I am honestly getting a little worried.
Suppose I ought to get to bed. Hope my dreams are all about you tonight. Don't get mad at me, but when I dream about you, we don't always have clothes on.
I love you Baby.
Forever Yours, Theo.
xXXx
November 2nd
Hello My Love,
I am sitting up again at four in the morning, waiting to see if Draco has another nightmare. Oh, that's right, I haven't told you. Draco has nightmares. Honestly, so does Greg. So do I Baby, but only once in a while, and I normally can just walk it off with a trip to the bathroom.
Greg on the other hand, has a harder time getting back to sleep. Millie has become quite gifted at brewing sleeping potions. She can make them as strong or as weak as you need them to be. She makes them the weakest possible for Greg. She is afraid he will get to the point of needing them to sleep at all, I guess. So that is what he does, takes the sleeping potion, and goes back to sleep. He thinks they are stronger than they are, and Millie wants it to stay that way.
Draco, however, has nightmares almost every night. Violent ones. I have no idea what he dreams about. He won't tell me. It normally wakes me, Blaise and Greg up. Vincent could sleep through a tornado, I think. Blaise and I take turns staying up with him until he gets back to sleep. We don't talk or anything. Just sit in our beds and wait until he is asleep again. He knows we do. At first, he told us not to, but I think deep down, it makes him feel better.
He has started having Millie make him sleeping potions, although she has to make them stronger for him, and will only give him three per week. So, he has to pick and choose which nights are the bad ones.
Guess tonight was not one of the potion nights, because he tossed and turned instead of taking it. I think he may finally be back asleep, which is good, because I need to get back to sleep, I have practice in the morning.
I am loving the team. Practices are going great. We have our first race in two weeks.
Well goodnight my love. Miss you.
Forever Yours, Theo.
xXXx
November 27th
I won my first race! I was so excited Baby. It was against Hufflepuff. Merlin, I wish you could have been there. It was amazing, the wind in my face, the roar in my ears. People were cheering for me, ok, so only Slytherin was cheering for me, but they were cheering! Our next race is right after Christmas, against Ravenclaw.
Before I forget again, Hi Baby.
I really think something is going on with Draco. He misses classes. I mean misses them often. He doesn't seem to sleep very much, and I can't tell you the last time I saw him eat an entire meal.
He is moody, I mean really Daph, more than normal.
The other day Weasley messed up the potion in class so bad, the cauldron nearly exploded, and Draco didn't say a word. Not a word. I know, right?
At the beginning of the year all he did was go on, and on about his 'mission'. Now he barley talks to anyone, including Pansy.
Oh Pansy. That's another story all together. She has gotten beyond moody. Constantly yelling at him and whining all the time about how he doesn't pay enough attention to her. It really is a wonder that they are still together.
I have tried talking to him about what's going on, he says very little. Whenever Blaise or I ask if there is anything we can do to help, he says no. Baby, I don't know what to do for him. I mean, I don't really have anything to go to Snape with other than him missing classes, which of course, Snape already knows. I guess I could tell him about Draco not sleeping, but I don't think, not sleeping is breaking any rules. It can't be good for him, but not against the rules.
What do you think I should do?
I miss you.
Forever Yours, Theo.
xXXx
December 5th
Hey Baby,
Blaise and I have taken to stealing food from the Great Hall during mealtimes. Nothing difficult, toast, bacon, fruit, that sort of thing. We leave it on Draco's nightstand every night before we go to bed. He is rarely in bed when the rest of us are. Daph, he is not looking good. I think he has lost at least fifteen pounds. He looks pale, even for Draco.
Like I said, we put the food on his nightstand when we go to bed. It is always gone by morning. At first, I was afraid the elves were taking it while we slept, but then I noticed Draco eating an apple one morning while getting ready for classes.
He doesn't say anything about it or ask where it came from. He just eats it. Blaise and I figure as long as he is eating something, then we are doing the best we can for him, since he won't let us help with whatever it is he is trying to do.
Daph, he blew off the last Quidditch match! He had a fourth year fill in for him. Needless to say, Ravenclaw killed us. The kid was no match for Chang.
I am going to spend Christmas with Tim and Clair. Wish I could see you for the holiday, which reminds me, what would you like for Christmas?
I love you.
Forever Yours, Theo.
xXXx
December 25th
Happy Christmas My Love
Other than you not being here, I can't complain. My holiday has been great.
Tim was waiting at the train station, and before we went home, he took me out to lunch at a little Muggle sandwich shop. It was really good. Clair took me shopping the next day. I got you something. I really hope you like it. I was able to get presents for everyone. We went to Muggle stores, so I am not sure if Draco will like what I sent to him, but I did the best I could. Diagon Alley is still closed up for the most part. The Weasley's store is doing well though. I got Greg some stuff from there, you know he is always going on about their joke products. Draco and Blaise act like they don't like them, but they do.
Tim gave me polish for my broom and a turntable. I know, a what? It's a Muggle device for playing records. He also gave me a few records to play on it, some of what he calls 'classics'. It's all American Rock music, I will check it out later. Clair gave me some really nice wand holsters, now that I can do magic outside of school and will be carrying my wand around with me. I got lots of other things from them, books, clothes, new sneakers, sweets and stuff for potion making, but I think the turntable, and the wand holsters are my favs.
Oh, I almost forgot the best part, baby Madison! Oh Daph, she is so cute. She holds on to my finger, and sucks on it. At first, I was scared, because I hadn't washed my hands in a little while, but Clair just laughed at me, and told me not to worry about it.
I will admit, she is a handful. The other night I think she was up until two crying. She had something Tim called colic. He tried giving her a potion for it, but it would only help for small periods of time. He says that's normal. Sometimes you can fix it with a potion, and the baby falls straight to sleep and other times, it takes several tries.
Since she is only a little over three months old, she really doesn't do much. Clair says by Easter, when I come back, she should be rolling over, and crawling by summer for sure. I tell you; I am already in love with that little girl.
I know we are young, and haven't seen each other in far too long, but I can't wait until I am holding our baby. Wow, I wonder if I would leave that sentence in if I was really sending this to you. Since I am not, I will leave it, because it's true.
I miss you so much Daphne, right now more than ever. I hope you had a good Christmas Morning. Maybe tonight when I go outside to look up at the stars, you and I will somehow be looking at the same one.
I love you Baby, always will.
Forever Yours, Theo.
xXXx
January 8th
Hi Baby,
I have interesting news. We have only been back at school for a day and Ernie came and sat by me at breakfast. Yes, he got lots a strange look; a Hufflepuff sitting at the Slytherin table. But then again, since he is dating Sally still, I think he is used to it.
Anyway, he invited me to a meeting, going on right before dinner. Said he thought the group was right up my alley. When I got there Daph, I was faced to face with all the members of the DA. You remember that group from last year, right? I thought they had disbanded, so to speak, but I guess not. Ginny Weasley seems to speak for them, her and Longbottom. I guess Granger, Ron, and Potter need to keep their distance from the group this year, for reasons they wouldn't tell me.
Ernie asked the group to let me join. I was surprised to say the least. Weasley wanted to know if I had any useful information before making a decision. I told her I didn't. I honestly don't Baby. I mean for all I know; Draco's little mission is nothing more than stealing Harry Potter's Firebolt. Besides, he is my best mate, I am not ready to rat him out to anyone. Ginny said they would have to give letting a snake in the group, some serious thought.
I must admit Daph, she is lucky I understand her position. Still, I thought her comment was out of line. I told Ernie, I would have to give joining, his little group of rabbles, some serious thought as well.
I gave my word not to tell anyone about them and did my best to explain that joining could be more dangerous for me than for most of them. I mean think about it. If my father found out Daph, he wouldn't just ground me, or give me a stern lecture about safety, he would quite literally kill me.
I never gave it much thought Daph, you know what side I would be on, if a war did break out. But now, I think I would be on Potter's side. I am all for keeping magic safe and protecting our world from Muggles, not because I don't like them, but because they wouldn't understand. But I am not so sure I agree with keeping Pure-Bloods, Pure anymore. I used to, I think, when I was little or maybe I did, because my dad does. But the idea that Muggle-Borns stole magic from one of us, just seems stupid, I mean, how would they accomplish it?
I hear you; I promise to be safe. Don't worry, I haven't told anyone but you.
I love you.
Forever Yours, Theo.
xXXx
January 31st
You will never guess what happened today!
Oh, by the way, Hi Baby.
Draco broke up with Pansy.
Yes, he did!
Right after dinner. He was sitting in the common room, just sitting there by the fire. She went over to him, sat on his lap and the next thing you know, Pansy is slapping him. It went on for an hour, Daph! Pansy threw everything she could get her hands on at him. Most of the time, it missed, but when something did hit him, he just stood there. No flinching, no yelling. He didn't throw anything back or get mad. He just kept saying how sorry he was.
What's going on with him Daphne, I just can't figure it out? Honestly, I don't think any of us, expected to see him and Pansy together for the rest of their lives, but this was shocking.
But on a side note, some good news I guess, Greg and Millie started dating.
I love you Baby.
Forever Yours, (I really mean that) Theo.
xXXx
February 14th
Happy Valentine's Day My Love!
Merlin, I wish you were here. I came to Hogsmead by myself. Greg and Millie invited me to hang with them, but that didn't feel right. They should be alone.
Blaise is off with Tracey. Yeah, like he would be with anyone else today. Tomorrow, that's a different story.
Draco was nowhere to be seen, not that I would want to hang out with Mr. 'I need to finish my mission' on Valentine's Day.
So. I am sitting at Puddifoots, by myself writing to you. She gave me that small table in the far back, right corner. You know, the one you can barely be seen. The one all the guys try to get, so they can kiss their dates, instead of drinking the tea. Guess, she felt sorry for me. At least I am out of sight of everyone else.
I got you a pair of earrings. Just some small pink pearls. I will seal them inside this letter for you to find later. I know how you like earrings, 'A different pair for every day', I think is the way you put it. I also remembered you like them to be small. How did you explain it...oh yes, 'They should decorate my ear, not hide it'.
I won my second race yesterday. It was supposed to be in January right after the holidays, but weather made us postpone. We had to work around the other sports, so it was yesterday.
I am using our teacup set. She still has it. Yes, I let her bring me tea, that pink rose blend you like. I was afraid as soon as I touched the cup our names would disappear. I think Madam could tell how scared I was, she picked up the cup and handed it to me smiling and said, 'Don't be scared Theodore, she still loves you, the cup will prove it.' So reluctantly, I took it from her and took a sip. I think my hand was shaking when I turned it around, expecting to see our names fading away, but they didn't. Would you think I am not manly enough, if I told you I cried, when I saw our names still there on the cup.
Ok, I didn't bawl like a little girl. But a couple of small tears did escape. (Well maybe more than a couple, because those little wrinkles on the parchment are not from the tea.)
Well, I have been discovered. Ernie and Sally are insisting I come over and sit with them. So, I think I will take off.
I love you Daphne Rene Greengrass. Happy Valentine's Day!
Forever Yours, Theodore William Nott Jr.
xXXx
February 20th
I love you, Daphne.
I can't seem to shake this depression I have been in since Valentine's Day. I am trying Baby, I promise. But it's getting harder.
Pansy asked me out. She says it's not right for both of us to be single, that I could be the new 'Prince'. I told her to sod off. She got mad and slapped me. Now she is going around telling everyone, what a pathetic loser I am for holding on to you since you're gone. She is certain you have moved on, so I should as well.
Have you moved on?
Oh, Merlin, please tell me no!
I don't think I could stand finding out you moved on already.
I miss you Daph. Everything about you.
I miss holding your hand and the way you get a dimple in your left cheek when you laugh.
I miss the silly little hearts you would always draw on my homework. Snape always took away points for it, but I think McGonagall gave me credit for it.
I miss the smell of your hair when you would lay your head on my chest and the way my arm would fall asleep just as you would.
I miss the sticky lip-gloss kisses you always left on my cheek and the way you would pout when I rubbed it off on my sleeve.
I miss the way you would hum while you did your homework and how your eyes would sparkle when I said your name.
I miss how you always made me carry your books and how you had to get on your tiptoes to kiss me, in between classes.
(Sorry about the tea wrinkling the parchment again, ok the water, since I don't drink tea.)
I miss kissing you: feeling you. I miss the way you made my heart race and the little moans in my ear when I kissed your neck. I miss how hard it was to not let myself go too far. (Salazar knows if you were here right now, I wouldn't stop myself this time Baby, unless you told me to.)
I miss you! I need you!
Forever (hopefully) Yours, Theo.
xXXx
March 1st
Hi Daphne,
I am so sorry that I haven't written the past few days, but I couldn't. I needed time to get my head right.
I know you still love me.
I know we are still together.
I am better now. Still miss you tons, and wish you were here, but I am ready to face this again.
So earlier tonight, the clumsy Ron Weasley ended up in the hospital wing. I guess he got poisoned somehow. Not really sure what happened. They called us all into the common room again, but wouldn't say much, only that he drank some mead, and it was poisoned. Once again, though, Draco was nowhere to be found.
I don't really like the guy, but I hope everything is ok with him. (Weasley that is.)
Daph, I am thinking I might talk to Ernie about joining their group, see if they decided to have me. What do you think? The only thing holding me back is Draco, I wish I knew what he was doing, I don't want him getting in the middle of something, but I think he is already knee deep.
I have to get to bed Baby, I love you.
Forever Yours, Theo.
xXXx
March 15th
Hi, my love,
So, it's my turn to be in the hospital. I should be out in a day or two. Depends how long it takes my leg to heal.
I wish I could tell you I fell off my broom during practice, or that I was clumsy during charms class. Even telling you that my father put me in here, would be better than the truth.
The truth is, Draco pushed me down the stairs. I broke my femur in two places.
I decided to tell Ernie I won't be joining his group, not now anyway. I wanted to find out what was up with Draco first. So, I started poking around. Daph, I saw the mark on his arm. He is a Death Eater! I can't believe he would join them. I don't know what his plan is or his mission, but I know he is one of them.
He is not happy, that I know. He claims I compromised his mission. I tried to talk to him, but he called me a filthy Blood-Traitor and pushed me down the stairs. Falling down two flights of those stone steps in the castle is nothing like falling down the stairs at our manor. Somehow, the stairs at the manor are more forgiving.
I have successfully lost my best friend. I keep hoping he will come and say he is sorry, but I have been in here for two days and nothing yet. Blaise came by once, only to tell me, he is staying out of it. Greg and Millie came by to bring me homework and check on me, even Ernie and Sally came to say hi. But every time those big double doors open it's never the blond I am hoping to see, (It's never Draco, either). I suppose that's who you thought I meant. Maybe it is, since I know through no fault of your own, that you're not coming.
I might miss the race against Gryffindor. Again, just depends on my leg.
Wish you were here; you could lay here with me and keep my mind off the pain.
I love you Daph.
Forever Yours, Theo.
xXXx
April 3rd
Hey Baby,
So, no sooner did I get out of the hospital, and now Draco is in there.
He and Potter dueled the other day. I guess Potter nearly killed him, but again the school is keeping it hush, hush. Wonder if Ernie's group knows what his mission is?
As soon as I got out of the hospital wing, I needed to hit practice hard, so I would be ready for the race right after Easter. I really want to beat Gryffindor.
I have gone up to visit Draco twice.
The first time he just stared at the wall like I wasn't there. I told him I wasn't mad at him anymore and forgave him for pushing me down the stairs. We sat in silence for like twenty minutes, basically until I couldn't take it anymore and left.
The second time, I took him his homework. This time, he looked right at me and said, 'I hate you Nott, go away'.
I sat down instead. He gave me the scariest look I have ever seen, Daph. We stared at each other for a little while, neither willing to back down. Finally, I told him, I didn't hate him. I said, 'No matter what you are going through, Draco I will always be your friend. When you're ready to be mine again. Let me know.'
I don't think I will go back and see him again. I hear he gets out in a day or two, anyway.
Miss you.
Forever Yours, Theo.
xXXx
April 11th
Hey Baby,
Easter is finally here. I am just so glad to be back at Tim and Clair's for a week. I really needed a break from Hogwarts. Things are getting really intense there.
I miss you, but if I am being perfectly honest with you, well myself really, I miss Draco.
I miss having my best friend.
Yes, you're still my best friend, but Draco was my best 'guy' friend. I can't explain it Baby, but there are things I could do with him, tell him, show him, that I just can't do with you. I am pretty sure he wouldn't want me doing certain things with him either, you know, the things I do with you.
I forgot to tell you, while I was in the hospital I got inspired to work on the pain potion Madam Promfrey uses. Once I got out, Millie helped me tinker around with it. I finally have a potion that takes effect in half the time but doesn't lose any of its potency. Madam Promfrey says it has potential. She had me brew a few bottles of it for her to try out. Now I would like to figure out how to make it last even longer, so you don't have to take it again. That's right Baby, your man is becoming a potions master, just like he always wanted. Okay, maybe master is a bit premature.
I am still your man, right?
Madison is rolling all over the place like a little pro. Clair asked me to watch her today while she ran to the store. Oh, you know me, I acted like it was no big deal, but Daph, I was scared out of my mind. Clair was only gone for thirty minutes, not even long enough for me to change a diaper, thank Merlin. But I lost her in that amount of time. Okay, I didn't really lose her. I laid her on the floor on this little mat they have with toys hanging from a bar for her to play with. I ran into the kitchen to grab a drink and when I got back, she was gone! She had rolled under the coffee table! Daph, I couldn't breathe until I heard her giggle. Scariest moment of my life.
I love you. I miss you.
Forever Yours, Theo.
xXXx
May 9th
Hi Daph,
I have been so lonely lately, today I tried to talk to Draco.
Yeah, I know, what was I thinking. I went up to him in the common room, sat down beside him, and just said Hi. He ignored me. I tried asking how he is, if he needed anything.
He stood up and told me to go to hell.
You know how stubborn I can be, I followed him down the stairs to our room. He turned and hit me. Yeah, that didn't end well. Next thing I know, we are fighting, knocking things down in the room, I think we broke Blaise's broom. I know I broke, Draco's nose. At least, I hope it was only his nose.
Greg walked in and broke us up. Draco called me a filthy Blood-Traitor again, so I called him a mindless Death Eater.
He is in the hospital. I am in Snape's office waiting for him.
You would be very disappointed in me. I am very disappointed in me.
I hear Snape coming.
Theo
xXXx
May 21st
Hi Baby,
Well, we finally had our last race of the year. I didn't beat Dean Thomas. I don't think my mind was really on the race. They kept postponing it for one reason or other. But finally, Dumbledore decided to let us have it. I was supposed to be in detention, and not able to race. But at the last moment, Snape came in, and told me I could go, because Malfoy had asked him to let me.
Why would he do that? I have no idea.
I have tried talking to Blaise, he refuses to get involved either way. Says it is better for him and his mother if he stays neutral in everything. At least, until he is forced to take a side, then he won't be turning his back on his blood. 'Not like some people', that is what he said, before he walked away.
Daphne, am I on the right side? Should I be supporting the Dark Lord? I am so lost right now.
I know I don't care about blood superiority. At least, not the way my father does. I think very dark times are coming, and soon my resolve will be tested more than it ever has.
I wish you were here. I need you to tell me what you want me to do. Would you still love me if I became a Death Eater?
Do you still love me now?
Love, Theo.
xXXx
June 6th
Hello Baby,
Hopefully I am out of that little funk I was in for a while. Busy feeling sorry for myself.
I have been guaranteed a spot on the racing team next year. So that helped a little. I was worried since I lost my last race, but Warrington said not to let that get me down. I can't win every time, and Thomas is good. So, I will practice this summer like never before.
I told Ernie I won't join his group, that I will help out when I can, but it will have to be in secret. I can't be signing my name to anything or adding it to a list. Because of my father it would not only be dangerous for me, but for the entire group, if I was found out. He said he would talk to the others, but they were hoping I would join and bring other Slytherin's with me. I don't think they quite understand the position most of us are in.
Daphne, I love you. I know my letters lately have been distant, and maybe a little cold at times. But I do Baby. So much. I know, it's almost been a year. I would have thought that by now, the feeling would have faded, or gone away completely. But looking at your picture today, I know it hasn't.
I love you! I miss you! I wish you were here. I really wish you could hold me and tell me I made the right choice.
(Damn, tea wrinkling the parchment, oh yeah, I don't drink tea.)
Please don't be mad at me, but I did Draco's homework. We haven't spoken since the fight, but he did get me out of detention. He has been missing classes a lot lately, and his homework was really piling up. So, I grabbed it all off his desk, found an empty room down here in the dungeons, and did it for him. All of it. I will admit, some of it wasn't my best work, but at least it's done. It took me the last two weekends of staying up all night from Friday, until Sunday night. What else did I have to do?
I took it back to our room, stacked it all on his bed so he would find it. He was in all our classes today. I saw him turning it in. Part of me wanted to say something to him, demand a thank you. But I didn't do it for credit, I am not sure why I did it. I guess I needed a way to feel good about myself, since I have been depressed so much lately.
Tonight, when I got down to the room to go to bed, there was a note on my pillow. All it said was 'Thank you'. That was it. I know it was from Draco, I know his handwriting. Perhaps we will be friends again, one day.
I miss you Baby.
Forever Yours, (really, forever!) Theo.
xXXx
June 30th
Hello My Love,
Well, for the first time this year, I am glad you are not here.
Dumbledore is dead.
Yes, you read that right.
They are saying Draco did it. That was his mission. I don't believe it, not for a second. It may have been his mission, but there is no way he killed him. Do you remember that kitten we found fourth year, in Hogsmead, the one with the broken leg? Remember, Pansy was off shopping, it was just you, me and Draco? He claimed he healed it for practice, but the tears on his face told a different story. How could someone who cried at the sight of a kitten with a broken leg, kill a man?
At least now, I know why he has been withdrawn and so stressed all year.
No, I haven't talked to him. I can't. Snape took him and fled. Everyone knows he is a Death Eater now. It's all over the school. There was a big fight between members of the order and Death Eaters, who got into the castle.
Ernie is mad I didn't tell him; he thinks his little group could have stopped him. I told him, I didn't know, but I don't think he completely believes me. All I could do was assure him; I was on Potter's side.
Should I have told Ernie about my suspicions? I will from now on, I promise Baby.
Merlin, I miss you. I love you so much but am so glad you're safe. Maybe, your father knew what he was doing, even if the past year has been the most difficult of my life.
Forever Yours, Theo.
A/N I know that not having dialog can sometimes make reading a story difficult, but I hope that I made these letters interesting enough to make up for that. I got all the information in there I wanted, and hopefully Theo's emotional rollercoaster was apparent. The next chapter is one I have been looking forward to writing, since I started writing this.
