Once again I think the Ghosts did something with the disclaimer saying that I don't own any Ghosts characters. Just something that might have happened before the events of The Witch.
Have Patience With Patience
It was breakfast time at Woodstone Mansion. Sam, Jay and the ghosts were enjoying a casual breakfast in the kitchen.
"Devil's bread," Patience recoiled in horror as Sam took the toast from the toaster. "She makes the Devil's bread! Cooked in hellfire!"
Perhaps not all of the ghosts were enjoying it.
"Patience it's just a machine," Sasappis groaned. "We've been through this."
"Witchery…" Patience hissed at Sam. Sam tried to ignore her as best she could.
Isaac spoke up. "Do you remember the first toasters? They were just wires and a little stand. They didn't have the shiny outside modern toasters do today. Or pop up and down."
"I do," Hetty realized. "Cousin Chandler was obsessed with strange gadgets. He gave Elias one of the first toasters for his birthday. Cousin Chandler always had a knack for picking out just the right gift that would annoy Elias completely. That was one of the things that was so endearing about him."
"Thorfinn remember," Thorfinn spoke up. "Elias kept saying he should have thrown toaster at Chandler's head."
"He came around though," Isaac added. "When the servants used the toaster to toast his bread exactly the way he liked it. What did happen to that old thing?"
"I'm not sure," Hetty thought for a moment. "It was so long ago."
"Thorfinn remembers watching first toaster," Thorfinn added. "And smelling bread. Pretty cool."
"I thought toast was supposed to be hot," Flower blinked. "Just kidding."
"I don't think she was," Sasappis remarked to the others.
"Oh, now I remember where it is," Hetty remarked. "It was put away in storage in the barn. And when the barn was cleared out in the 1930's to make room for the distillery, it was moved to the attic. And when the attic was cleaned out it was moved to the ballroom for storage with all the other things."
"Ballroom?" Sam asked. "What ballroom? We don't have a ballroom."
"Yes, we do," Hetty said. "In the east wing."
"We have a ballroom in the east wing?" Sam asked.
"What now?" Jay asked. "What's this about a ballroom? What ballroom? Where?"
A few minutes later Jay was pushing a large bookcase aside in the hallway. "So they just locked the door and put a bookcase in front of it?" Sam asked the ghosts. "Why would they do that?"
"Oh, I remember," Isaac realized. "It was about ten years before Sophie died. She was just starting to lose most of her money and health. And relatives."
"Some of our family members were having…financial difficulties," Hetty explained. "And they put some of their treasures in the ballroom along with Sophie for safekeeping."
"We're talking tax evasion, aren't we?" Trevor looked at her. "And they were hiding some of their assets from the government."
"More or less," Hetty shrugged. "Several relatives hid various items in the ballroom so they could collect them later after their troubles had passed. However, since they all died…"
"Or in some cases," Sasappis spoke up. "Went to jail then died…"
"And of course a lot of those things were ours as well," Hetty added. "Old treasures the Woodstones had collected over the centuries."
"But why the ballroom?" Sam asked.
"Because the authorities always look in barns or sheds for hidden treasures," Hetty explained. "But never secret ballrooms. Everyone knows that."
"Holy crap," Jay whistled as he revealed the door. "Every time I think we've found all the secret rooms in this house we find another! It's like discovering the door to Narnia!"
"I don't want to be that guy," Pete spoke up. "But technically Narnia was in a wardrobe not behind a bookcase."
"Narnia?" Patience asked.
"It's from a book and then a movie…" Pete explained. "About a magical world with talking animals and…"
"Witchcraft!" Patience gasped.
"Actually, there is a witch in the books so…" Pete admitted.
"Pete don't get her started," Sasappis groaned.
Jay managed to open the door. "It's not locked."
"Right the lock on the door broke so that's why they put the bookcase in front of the door," Isaac remembered. "Well, that and to hide the room."
They entered the dimly lit room. "Where's the light switch?" Sam asked.
"Thorfinn have this," Thorfinn focused on his powers. The lightbulbs all around the room flickered. And soon a huge room filled with boxes, crates and other dusty objects was revealed.
"Wow…" Sam blinked looking at all the items before her.
"Unbelievable…" Jay whistled.
"I remember when we used this room for our balls and galas," Hetty sighed. "So many wonderful parties."
"The ballroom is now a storage area," Isaac remembered. "There were some parties in the 1970's and 80's that didn't go well. I think the last time this room was used as a party room was the year…1989 wasn't it?"
"Ah yes," Hetty nodded. "Sophie's uncle's birthday party. That was the day he was arrested for embezzlement. And her father. The first time."
"Fun party though," Sasappis grinned.
"Ugh," Patience grunted. "Parties."
"This is unbelievable!" Jay blinked. "We actually have a ballroom!"
"More like a storage room," Sam looked at the huge mess of clutter. "How did we not know about this? We've been living here for over three years!"
"The ghosts didn't tell you?" Jay asked.
"We just did," Alberta snapped.
"They forgot," Sam told Jay. "Look at all this stuff."
Jay whistled. "Man, there weren't this many crates in that storage facility at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark!"
"I'd forgotten about this room," Hetty sighed. "So many balls. So many memories."
"So much stuff," Trevor remarked.
"Too many possessions," Patience bristled.
"Too much dust," Alberta wrinkled her nose.
"We should sell this stuff," Jay said.
"Excuse me?" Hetty bristled.
"We could make a lot of money with a yard sale," Jay told Sam. "And with a ballroom we can rent it out for special functions! This could make a lot of money for our business!"
"You're going to sell my priceless treasures…" Hetty bristled. "My precious family heirlooms for a quick dollar? Some of these items are worth more than you can imagine!"
Sam picked a small box. "It's a jewelry box."
"Oh yes," Hetty nodded. "That belonged to Elias' mother. You can sell that for a dollar ninety-five."
Sam opened it. "No jewelry inside."
"No surprise," Hetty scoffed. "Elias' mother insisted on being buried with all her good jewelry on her. She actually believed she could take it with her. At least until the night after her funeral when Elias and his brothers went back to the cemetery with shovels."
Patience hissed. "Patience cannot believe these livings. Selling these goods for profit!"
"You said there were too many possessions here," Pete pointed out. "If Sam and Jay sell them there would be fewer of them, right?"
"They should do the correct thing and burn them!" Patience snapped. "Not get wealthy off of them!"
Trevor remarked. "Looking at most of this junk I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen."
"Patience!" Patience hissed and stormed out of the room.
"That woman is never happy, is she?" Trevor groaned.
"That is literally her whole deal," Sasappis grumbled. "And it's not enough for her to be miserable. She goes out of her way to make everyone else miserable."
"I so understand now why you left her in the dirt," Hetty grumbled.
"Something's gotta be done about Puritan No Progress," Trevor spoke up. "She's making things even more boring around here than I thought possible."
"She's extremely uptight," Hetty remarked. "And I admit the irony of me saying that!"
Flower spoke up. "You did loosen up quite a bit once you discovered the washing machine."
"Isaac," Alberta said. "You need to bring Patience up to speed on a few things. Fast. Because her thinking everything is evil thing is getting old! In fact, it was old the first week she got here!"
"If she freaks out every time there's something she doesn't like my walls will be drenched in blood," Hetty bristled. "I will not allow that!"
"Fine," Isaac sighed. "She does respond to me. We've always had some kind of rapport. I'll do it."
"And fast!" Alberta told Isaac.
A short time later in the library…
"Patience…" Isaac found her. "I'd like a word with you if you don't mind. Is this a good time?"
"Yes, Isaac," Patience nodded. "Patience was merely thinking about all these books. Patience has never seen so many books in one place."
"Oh yes," Isaac nodded. "This is the library. All these books are full of knowledge and ideas and interesting places and facts."
"They must be burned," Patience said with authority.
"Well, I'm pretty sure there's a Bible in here somewhere so I wouldn't be so hasty to burn all of them," Isaac winced. "Patience, I think it's time you got a little better acquainted with the modern world. A lot of things you see today that astound you are nothing more than mere machines. You know what a machine is right?"
"Of course, Patience knows what a machine is," Patience told him. "A man-made contraption used by the idle to make things easier."
"Yes, exactly!" Isaac nodded. "A lot of these strange things you see are nothing more than machines clever livings built. Like the toaster."
"The thing that toasts bread using hellfire?" Patience gasped.
"No, no…" Isaac corrected. "Not hellfire. It's actually a…regular mini fire. And wires of some sort. No hellfire."
"Not hellfire?" Patience blinked.
"No," Isaac shook his head. "Like the oven. The oven doesn't use hellfire either. Just gas and regular fire. And wires of some sort. I'm not exactly familiar with the mechanics but I do know for a fact that ovens don't use hellfire. Apparently, it's unsafe."
"Oh…" Patience paused.
"You can't even use hellfire because it's…illegal," Isaac shrugged. "It's against this thing called a building code."
"That makes sense…" Patience paused.
"I know these modern machines are strange," Isaac explained. "Believe me, I was astounded when I first learned of them myself. Livings make the strangest gadgets nowadays."
"Like the In-ter-net?" Patience asked.
"Exactly!" Isaac told her. "When I first learned of a machine that contains all the knowledge of the world I was like…Whaaaaa? It was very strange. But it's real. And it's made up of wires and some kind of battery. Trevor knows more about that than I do I admit. But nothing evil except for a few websites which we're not allowed to go on. Samantha put parental blocks on a lot of them."
"Parental blocks?"
"It's some kind of gate thing…" Isaac fumbled. "Which blocks you from going there. Again, Samantha and Trevor know a lot more about that particular invention than I."
"Do these parental blocks prevent thou from falling into some kind of portal to Hell?" Patience asked.
"Yeah. Let's go with that." Isaac then had an idea. "Oh! I know! Why don't we start with a different machine for you to learn about? And I know just the teachers!"
Shortly after in the basement…
"Let me get this straight," Nancy blinked. "You want us to teach Patience about the water heater?"
"Who knows more about it than you ghosts in the Pit?" Isaac asked. Patience was with him.
"He's got a point," Cholera Nigel admitted.
"It has been a while since we've had an instructional talk and gotten over some of the finer details of the water heater," Stuart admitted. "When was that?"
"It was before that Sophie woman died, I know that," Burt admitted. "Before her son and husband died too."
"I think it was when Flower first died and came down here," Catherine realized. "We kind of had to explain things a few times to her."
"Yeah, it was definitely Flower," Nancy nodded. "Okay Isaac. We can tell Patience about the water heater."
"What does this…water heater do?" Patience asked, confused.
Nancy looked at her. "It heats water. Try to keep up."
"Oh boy…" Cody groaned.
"This is going to take a while," Stuart admitted. "We're going to have to start from the beginning. Creepy Dirk, you're up."
Creepy Dirk stood next to the water heater and spoke with authority. "All right. What we have here is a deluxe Beckerton Model 6V23X42 point 7. This is the heart of the whole operation. Without this, the whole house would fall apart. Not literally…But life as livings know it would be extremely difficult."
"Ooh," Patience's eyes widened. "Patience wants to hear about that."
"And I'll leave you to it," Isaac had had enough and left the basement quickly.
Sometime later in the kitchen…On another morning…
Sam was making breakfast in the kitchen. "So I haven't seen Patience in a while. Have you guys seen her?" She asked the ghost gang standing in the kitchen.
"No," Sasappis admitted. "It's been good."
"I haven't seen Patience in two days," Alberta remarked. "Which makes me happy. I even slept last night. Where is she?"
"She must still be in the basement," Isaac said.
"Why is Patience in the basement?" Trevor asked.
"I decided to teach Patience some of the modern conveniences around here," Isaac explained. "So I sent her down into the basement so the Cholera Pit could teach her about the water heater."
"You sent Patience to the basement to learn about the water heater?" Alberta asked.
"You have to admit they know their stuff," Isaac pointed out. "Plus, it got her out of our hair for a bit."
"Can't argue with that," Hetty admitted. "Anything that distracts Patience is a good thing."
"The woman has trouble understanding a mirror," Trevor pointed out. "You really think she can handle a water heater?"
"If the ghosts in the basement can learn about it, I'm sure Patience can pick up a point or two," Isaac told him.
Patience then entered the room. "Ah here she is now," Isaac remarked. "Patience. Did learning about the water heater go?"
"It was educational," Patience said. "Patience appreciates things that are instructional. That is not entertaining."
"Yeah, I figured it wouldn't be," Isaac nodded.
"The ghosts in the basement are not the dullards they appear to be," Patience admitted. "They are quite knowledgeable on certain subjects."
"Not that many I suspect," Hetty remarked under her breath.
"By the way Samantha," Patience spoke up. "You might want to schedule another maintenance check. The dip valve is a little off. But ask for Steve for he has more experience."
"Oh, dear God," Hetty groaned. "They've converted her."
"The water heater is very interesting," Patience remarked. "It turns out the heater is not just for comfort. But for sanitary reasons as well. Important to wash hands, body and clothes to rid of disease and filth. Patience appreciates that."
"See Patience," Sam said cheerfully as she stood next to the toaster. "The modern world isn't so bad. Maybe in time…?"
POP!
"SHE HAS SUMMONED THE HELLFIRE TO MAKE TOAST!" Patience screamed. "AAAAAHHHH!" She fled the room.
"Patience!" Isaac shouted. "It's not hellfire! It's against the building code! We've been through this!" He went after her.
"Or maybe not?" Sam sighed.
"It was worth a try," Isaac sighed.
"One step forward," Alberta grumbled. "A dozen steps backward!"
"Yeah, I'm going to spend some more time in the woods," Sasappis told the others.
"I'm tempted to join you," Trevor told him.
