Chapter 4


'Dr. Polyurischia. M.D'

A plate on the doctor's table read. The situation inside the clinic was cold and stressful. Natsu had messed up. And he himself didn't know how.

The fan spun lazily overhead. The window to the side was open that let cool snowy afternoon winds inside. Mirajane sat next to Natsu, looking down near the floor.

Natsu stole a glance at her, and then looked at the doctor. The old woman met Natsu's gaze with a piercing deep look, as if she was ready to climb into his mind and spill all his secrets outside.

"Natsu. Do you know why you're here today?"

Natsu flinched at the coldness in her voice. He slowly nodded.

"Y-yes."

The doctor stared at him nonchalantly. "Mirajane found you smoking a cigarette. Is that correct? Do you smoke?"

Natsu fidgeted. When and how did she find out? Natsu had always been so careful. So unassuming in his habit. He had been priding himself over how well he could hide his alternate lifestyle away from people. But it was now all before everyone to see.

Natsu nodded. He didn't want to peg Mirajane as untruthful before the doctor. It wouldn't be a good thing to do.

"Yes, ma'am. I… I may have been smoking a little."

Mirajane looked at him, her eyes narrowed and lips pursed. "Natsu… why… why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you quit. And… how did you start smoking in the first place?"

Natsu looked at her, and felt her disappointed look pierce knives through his heart. "I… I thought you'd be mad. And… I don't know how I started. I found one day that it somehow helps me…"

Mirajane raised her brow. "Helps you? Like a medication?"

Natsu nodded. That was true. Whenever he was panicking or had had an unnatural experience, he had always found out that smoking helped him calm down a lot. He had always expected that he could keep smoking in private and hide this part of him away from everyone else around him, but now that his habit had come out front, his entire world felt like it had changed.

Polyurischia interjected. "Its not a medication, Natsu. The effects may help you calm down temporarily, but they aren't consistent enough to be classified as a medication. Not to mention the heavy cognitive decline that smoking causes in its users, much more so in the neurodivergent percentage. It can further cause an imbalance in your neurotransmitter levels in your brain and worsen your condition. On top of that, early diabetes, hypertension, atherosclerosis, dyslipidemia, oral and lung cancer… it's a form of poison."

Natsu just looked down. He knew all that. He knew how harmful smoking was for him, and that he had always felt guilty whenever he smoked even once. But… he couldn't stop it. He was powerless. It magnetised him towards itself. The ritual, the feeling, the convenience of being able to do it whenever and wherever. Sometimes, Natsu had found himself smoking just because he was bored. It was so ingrained in him that the thought of quitting it was almost as foreign as aliens.

Polyurischia smiled a little. "It's okay. I will forgive you, and Mirajane will too. But you have to make sure you don't ever approach another cigarette. You have to promise her that, and me. Can you do that?"

Natsu had to lie to her. He couldn't quit. At least not yet. Smoking was the only pleasurable thing that was left in his life. He nodded.

Polyurischia slowly nodded in return. "Good. I want you to meet me every week starting from now on. I want to keep a closer eye on you."

"Sure, ma'am. I will make sure to bring him." Mirajane said.

"Thank you, Mira."

The doctor said. She leaned back in her chair and flipped through Natsu's file.

"I really want to up the dosage of some medications I am giving him. And I want to add some new ones. Which would all be unnecessary if he quits smoking. I want to keep him on as less medications as possible."

…….

The car ride was quiet and… uncomfortable. It was evening already, and the sun was orange in colour, setting deep down into the depths of darkness from where it had come. The stars would soon wake up and stud the nightsky. The snow would rain down slowly and lazily atop the world soon enough. Soon enough, it would be nighttime.

The car bumped over a speed breaker, and caused Natsu to slide off his seat. He rearranged himself in it and pulled on the seatbelt and latched the harness into the cleft. He rolled down the window on the passenger side and let his hair flow in the cold winds. Cars honked outside and people chattered away, preparing to welcome the evening and go about their evening routines.

Mirajane glanced at Natsu, and then back up front as she drove.

"Natsu? Are you okay?"

Natsu looked at her, broken off of his effortlessly boarded train of thoughts. "Hmm?"

Mirajane looked at him again, sadly this time. "Are you upset at me? I am sorry for this… I just thought that the doctor should know about this."

Natsu shook his head. "No… it's alright. I… I am just ashamed. That's all."

Mirajane shook her head. "No, please don't be. I understand. Sometimes… sometimes it's easy to get drifted away doing such things. Especially at a young age. It's okay. But… what's easy isn't always the right choice. Is it?"

Natsu exhaled, and found his breath turning into vapour. He shivered. "I guess not…"

Mirajane slowly slid her hand up his shoulder. "I understand that you and Zeref have had tough lives… especially without your parents. But… that's what I am trying to do, Natsu. I am trying to complete this family. To try and be what's missing. I know I can never take their place, but I'll try my best. You and Zeref are both important to me. Very important. But, I'll need help. From you and Zeref both. Will you help me, Natsu?"

Natsu looked back outside the window, feeling Mirajane's hand gently brush atop his shoulder. His parents… had never been available. Zeref had been taking care of Natsu since forever—since Natsu could properly remember. It was told to him that his mother had perished giving birth to him, and that his father had left them as soon as Zeref had gotten a job. Living without them… it had been a bit difficult. But it wasn't as difficult on Natsu as it must have been on Zeref. Zeref had to experience his mother dying before his eyes. He was 7 years older than Natsu, so he must have been 7 years old then as well. Old enough to know that his mother was gone, and would never return.

After that, Zeref had been mostly taking care of Natsu. Their father never made themselves available to them. Only sent them the bare essentials to live on by—like money and sometimes a bunch of Christmas gifts. After Zeref had gotten a job in a nearby company as a programmer, their father made himself completely scarce. Natsu had grown without both a father and a mother. It didn't make much difference to him. But sometimes he did wonder what it would be like to have parents. It was a blessing, or a curse, that he never really got to experience. He didn't know if he should be sad or grateful for that.

"I'll quit." Natsu said after a long pause. He looked at Mirajane. "I'll quit. Stop worrying. I… I mean don't worry about me. I'll stop this."

Mirajane looked at him, looked at the road, then back at him. She smiled. She retracted her hand off his shoulder, pinched his cheek for a short few seconds, and then held the steering again. "Thank you, Natsu. I would expect nothing less. You are a strong boy. You aren't weak enough to be in the grasp of a habit like this. Don't worry. I won't tell Zeref. I'll keep this to myself."

Natsu sighed. "Don't… don't mind me. But I would have rather had Zeref find out about this than you. You… you can be scary sometimes…"

Mirajane looked at him, eyes widened and lips almost bracing for laughter. "Me? Scary? Really? Wow."

She exhaled and shook her head. "And here I thought I was being the best and the sweetest older sister I could be for you."

There was a small minute of silence, before she burst into laughter. Natsu looked at her, gawking.

"Uh… what's up?"

Mirajane shook her head. "Nothing, Natsu. I was just wondering what you think of me. Me? Scary?"

She finished laughing, and then breathed out. "I sometimes wonder how you see the world around you. What you think. What your eyes portray the world around you to you as. I sometimes feel like it must be interesting to look at the world through your eyes."

Natsu looked away, a bit of contention in his mind. What he saw the world as? It was… unpleasant. People stalking him, monsters and demons appearing and disappearing out of nowhere. Him having to carry a knife wherever he went.

He wouldn't wish that on anyone. Least of all, someone like Mirajane.

He looked at her back, and found her smiling to herself. So… she was his family now. She worried for him, cared for him. She… adored him. Could she take the place of a mother that Natsu had always been missing? And Zeref his father? He didn't know.

……

The car pulled up into the driveway. Mirajane got out, and grabbed Natsu's school bag as she did. Natsu tried to grab it first, but she was ahead of him.

"Don't worry. I got it."

She shut the door behind her, and waited for Natsu to get out.

Natsu got out and shut the door.

"Come. I have a surprise for you."

Mirajane said.

Natsu wondered what that could be. His favourite dish? A gift? A new video game? He hoped it was either of them.

Before the two could reach the door of the house, the doors flew open. At the doorway stood a tall and slender white haired girl, smiling at them prettily.

She had short whitish silver hair, and a fair and gaunt look to her face, strikingly beautiful. She looked like an alternative version of Mirajane. Before she even looked at her older sister, Lisanna looked at Natsu and her smile widened.

"Hey… Natsu. I have been waiting."

Mirajane narrowed her eyes. Lisanna was fond of Mirajane, but she had never thought that she would greet Natsu before her. Of course, she knew about the secret crush that her younger sister had had on her brother in law for the longest time. Since Lisanna had seen Natsu at her and Zeref's wedding.

Mirajane giggled. "Looks like I am not needed here. I wouldn't wanna be the third wheel, so I'll just go and check up on Zeref. What is he doing, Lisanna?"

Lisanna slowly and briefly averted her eyes off Natsu, and looked at her sister. "Oh… um… he's playing some video games."

She looked back at Natsu.

Awkward silence ensued. Mirajane giggled, and then passed by Lisanna indoors. As she passed, she whispered in her ear. "Tell him before it's too late. I am pretty sure a lot of other pretty girls are after him."

Lisanna blushed, and pouted at her sister. "Sis! Please go inside! Leave us alone!"

Mirajane giggled more as she was pushed indoors by Lisanna. "Yes yes. I'll leave. Best of luck."

Soon, Lisanna and Natsu stood alone, staring at each other. Winds swept past them, fluttering through their hair.

Lisanna fidgeted, and averted her eyes off Natsu and looked at the floor.

Natsu stood awkwardly, bereft of words to say or feelings to convey. Lisanna had always been strange. She would usually be this cheery and happy go lucky girl around others, but around Natsu, her entire personality would change. She would become fidgety and nervous. Did she not like him very much?

Natsu looked down at his pockets, and felt for the pack of cigarettes he had been holding with himself. He looked back up at Lisanna.

"I… I am gonna go for a walk. It's getting cold. You should head inside."

Natsu turned around.

Lisanna narrowed her eyes. Anger and disappointment crept up her face. "Natsu!"

Natsu halted and turned. "Huh?"

She walked up to him and grabbed his hand. "Who do you think I have been waiting for this whole time? Not for Zeref, obviously, and not for my sister."

She blew her cheeks out. "I wanted to see you."

Natsu couldn't understand what was going on. Did she know he was going for a smoke? Did she want to smoke too?

"I… I was going for a walk." Natsu mumbled.

"I'll come along. Let's go."

She grabbed his hand and dragged him outside the channel gate.

…….

They sat by the water canal, a small distance from each other. Natsu with his legs stretched out, and Lisanna with her legs folded before her. It was cold. She shivered and pulled her legs closer to her chest. She stared at the setting sun, throwing its brilliant shade and colours around it. The sky was a beautiful orange, and Lisanna thought that the sky had taken this colour for just the two of them. It made her giddy inside.

She looked at Natsu. He had been extremely fidgety since they had come here. She glanced at his face. His tan and sharp face, his long slanted eyes, and his long shabby messy hair that fluttered in the evening winds. He was… breathtaking.

She looked down near her feet, anxiously and nervously. What did he think of her? Did he even consider her as something more than just a friend? She dearly hoped so.

"Natsu…?"

Natsu looked at her. "Huh?"

She smiled at him. "When you are with a lady, it's good manners to ask her if she's cold. And if she is, offer her your coat. That's called courtesy."

Natsu looked at his jacket, and then back up at her. "Oh… thanks. I guess."

Lisanna smiled. "No worries. Now you know."

Natsu looked down at a stone covered in snow near his feet. He bent forward and picked that up, and tried to find something interesting on its surface. But his mind was stuck on Erza. He had been thinking about her a lot recently. Did she ever feel cold? Or was she always gleaming and shining like a star, fiery and beautiful? If he ever offered her his jacket, would she accept it?

Lisanna stared at his side profile expectantly. What a weird guy, she thought. What was taking him so long to realise that she was cold right now?

When he didn't do as she had expected, she cleared her throat. Natsu looked at her.

She raised her brow. "I am cold, Natsu."

Natsu gawked at her. "Yeah it's cold, isn't it?"

Lisanna felt irritated for a while. She sighed and extended her hand. "Your jacket, please."

Natsu stared at her. "Oh. Sorry."

He quickly took his jacket off, and handed it to her.

Lisanna frowned and took the jacket. She slowly and clumsily put it around herself, appearing as helpless as possible, hoping that Natsu put on the jacket around her, but Natsu only stared off into the sunset, lost in foreign thoughts.

Lisanna's frown turned into a small smile. 'One day, Natsu, you'll put the jacket around me. One day for sure."

Lisanna sat in the jacket that was a tab bit too big for her, her hands almost buried within the sleeves. She could smell Natsu in that jacket, and she was finally comfortable and at peace. She sighed lazily and stretched her body, again hoping that Natsu sees her doing it or pays any attention to her at all.

But Natsu was still lost in the thoughts of a certain redhead.

Lisanna sighed. "Natsu. If you want to smoke just go ahead. I know you smoke. You don't have to hide it from me."

Natsu looked at her. His hand instinctively went to his pack inside his pocket but he held it for a while. He sighed uncomfortably. He looked away.

"Kinda just got in trouble with your older sister over my habit. Still deciding whether I should just quit."

Lisanna gently punched his shoulder. "If you're quitting, today isn't that day. So go ahead."

Natsu exhaled and thought for a while, then glanced at Lisanna as he brought out a cigarette from his pocket. He placed that in his mouth, and fiddled in his other pocket for his lighter.

"Donf tell yo sistur…" Natsu mumbled with the stick in his mouth.

Lisanna giggled. "Don't worry. Not today. But if you don't quit, someday I'll have to."

Natsu lit the other end of the cigarette and took a deep breath through it, and felt his mind immediately lighten up. It was evening right now, and this was his first cigarette of the day. He exhaled after a while, and felt his life almost return to him.

He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and held it between his fingers.

Lisanna watched him all the while. Her mouth hung open slightly, and blush covered her cheeks. Why was she feeling this way? Was it the cold? The weather? The evening? Or was it Natsu? The guy she had a thing for, smoking right next to her, intensifying her attraction towards him? It could be any of those things. She never knew how attractive a man smoking could look.

Her trance was broken when Natsu started to cough. Lisanna narrowed her eyes.

Natsu halted his coughs, and then flicked the half burnt cigarette away. "Ah fuck this."

Lisanna was slightly taken aback. First because she had never heard that boy swear. Second… did he just refuse to smoke?

Something bubbled in Lisanna's heart. She suddenly couldn't contain herself. Something… something had suddenly shifted within her. Somehow, this boy next to her, this beautiful and strikingly handsome guy, had suddenly crossed all thresholds of how attractive one could be.

The next few movements that she exhibited weren't by her own volition. Someone had her by puppet threads. Someone controlled her body. Something did. Something from within.

She quickly closed the distance between her and Natsu and merged her lips with his. The two stayed in that momentary soft embrace for a while, their lips and tongues merging. Before Natsu pulled away.

"L-Lisanna…"

He exhaled and stood up.

Lisanna stood up behind him. "Natsu, wait."

Natsu frowned and seemed to be battling himself for a while. What just happened? The wetness from that caress still hung over his dry lips.

"What… what was that?" He asked in exasperation.

Lisanna clenched her fists. The adoration for this boy just now turned into anger directed at him.

"Well. What else am I supposed to do? Huh? You barely pay me any attention. I have already told you once before that I… I like you! More than that. Why do you keep distancing me away? What's wrong with you Natsu?"

Natsu stared at her face. Her eyes had started to bleed tears. Her lips that had just touched his aching for more.

Natsu clenched his jaw and shook his head. "Don't ask me what's wrong with me. Do you think I know?"

Lisanna walked up to him. Only a small distance was left between them. She looked into his eyes deeply. "I…. Give me one chance, Natsu. I know you're struggling with your mental health. Let me help. All I ask is for a chance. You can quit us anytime you want. But I will try my hardest to bring you as much happiness and comfort as possible. Just… try me once."

Natsu was bereft of an answer. It took him a while to think one up. What he said next was lost in the winds to a particular redhead that had been watching this all unfold from a distance.