Chapter Thirty Eight: Our Time is Limited

Eerin and I went through the rest of spring and into a sweltering summer together. I did as I promised, I provided food by hunting and foraging and assisted with meals as much as I could. I sold most of my catches since I had learned nothing about cooking over the years, but occasionally I would have to put something together that had to be better than poison. During the evening hours he mostly kept to himself, but occasionally I could convince him to sit away from me and talk. Though he had accepted my help, I'm sure it was difficult to suddenly be sharing space with someone else. I could see him struggle with the balance.

I got him to take an interest in speaking with me once I started telling him the stories of my journey to and from Erebor. It started one evening after dinner, and instead of going to bed he stayed at his spot at the dining room table and asked me how I had come across dwarves and why I felt compelled to travel with them.

I sat near the fireplace and kept the fire alive as I told him about the night that I met Thorin and met Gandalf again. Eerin had funny stories of Gandalf, since he was older when he first came across our family and our father nearly killed him. I continued telling him my story up until I left with the dwarves on the journey east.

I thought that was going to be the end of his questioning, but a few nights later he wanted to hear more, so I told him about the trolls. A few nights after that, he learned about Radagast and the orcs chasing after us. And a few nights after that I told him about Rivendell. It sort of became a regular thing for us, him sitting at the table and me by the fireplace telling the stories of my journey. Relaying how everything went felt like the true last thing I needed to do to end that part of my story. It helped me further reflect on how much I changed, how much I missed the dwarves, but also helped me separate myself from that time.

At that point, it was just stories.

Having this time together and having my assistance around the house seemed to change Eerin. He warmed to me and seemed more willing to talk about our parents before they got sick and our siblings. He even seemed like he was in better health for a while. I enjoyed seeing him smile again, he seemed much more like himself when he did.

As summer came upon us, I started to notice Eerin progressively getting worse. His coughing fits came up more and more often and I found more bloodied hankies in the laundry. He didn't let it affect his demeanor towards me, or his general sense of humor, but I could see him slowing down and struggling with daily tasks more and more.

Things really took a turn on probably the most beautiful day of the summer. I was weaving some reeds together to make baskets amongst the lavender in the front of the house when I heard a huge crash inside. My guts smashed into the ground and the air inside me disappeared in a moment.

I threw my work onto the ground and scrambled onto my feet. "Eerin?!" I shouted, sprinting to the front door.

He was splayed out on the floor in the kitchen, a small trail of blood seeping out of his mouth. His eyes were closed and his breathing seemed shallow. My body just acted, grabbing a hold of his clothes and picking him up as much as I could. He weighed practically nothing so I carried him into his room and put him down on his bed on his back so his airways were open.

I shoved my ear to his chest and I could hear his tired heart beating and him breathing, though haggard and slow. Goodness was he cold though. I checked over the rest of him to make sure he wasn't bleeding anywhere else and nothing was broken. When I found no other injuries, I threw blankets on top of him and made sure to keep his head angled to be sure he could breathe.

"Eerin," I said, patting his boney face. "Eerin Barclay, wake up. Come on, at least tell me you're alive."

He shifted slightly and released the most exhausted breath I had ever heard. That was of course followed by some sharp coughs.

I hurried to the kitchen to get him water, dodging the broken ceramic bowl on the ground and the scattered berries. I grabbed the nearest cup and filled it from the pitcher of water, hearing him continue to wheeze and cough in the other room.

My heart hadn't stopped pounding at my rib cage the entire time, my body was just acting on instinct and nothing else.

My feet carried back into the bedroom and put the cup into his hands. I assisted him with bringing it to his mouth, his hands were shaky and freezing cold.

"Are you hurt?" I asked him as he drank the water.

He shook his head and sighed once he got all the water down. "If you're not including my shitty lungs, then no."

I set the cup down and sat at the end of his bed, staring at his face. "You're passing out now. Has that happened before?"

"A few times, here and there."

"I wish you would have mentioned that at some point."

He shrugged his shoulders and wiped his mouth, still attempting to breathe deeply. "Lydia, I need you to do something for me."

"What is it?"

"I've thought a long time about this…I guess you could say that I've been inspired by you being here." I furrowed my eyebrows at him. "I'd like to see our siblings, or at least the ones who would want to see me again. I…don't want the next time they see me be when I'm dead. I don't want anyone to see me when I've passed by the way, just throw me in a hole and let me be at peace."

I stared at him blankly then shook my head in surprise at what he was saying. "You want to see people?"

"You know the only reason I annexed myself like this was because I'm sick. I've wanted to see the others, but at some point I became completely unable to seek them out even if I wasn't worried about passing this onto them."

"No, no I understand Eerin. So you want me to invite them over…to say goodbye?"

He looked at me with his dark brown eyes and nodded. "I wish I did sooner, really I wish I did. But better late than never?"

"Better late than never," I smiled softly. "Don't worry Eerin, I'll hunt down the others and tell them to come by…"

"What?" he sighed, detecting something in my voice or in my face that I tried to hide.

"What?"

"Do you think it's a bad idea or something? Be honest with me or get out of my room, I don't have time for you to do that dumb, fake smile at me."

He was right, there was no reason for me to hide my feelings about this supposed family gathering.

"I…you're not going to be devastated if no one shows? It's not like when you kicked us all out that we supported each other. We all left and never looked back after mom and dad died. So, it's entirely possible that the others don't want to see you. And if they do show up, they might even be cruel to you. I just don't want that to hurt you, some of them aren't good people and I don't want you to forget that, Eerin."

"I know who our family is, Lydia. For the longest time I wasn't a good person, I don't think I can be considered that now either. We've all done wrong, sometimes to each other as well, but I want to at least try and make good by them in the end…I don't care that they're thieves, bums, and manipulators. They're still my brothers and sisters, we share blood."

"If you're sure, I will do this for you." I moved closer to him and grasped his hand tightly. "Shall we plan for a week from today for them to come? That should give me time to hunt down each of them as long as they're still in the area."

"Aye. A week should be enough time…thank you Lydia."

"Don't thank me yet, I still have to try and find them," I laughed lightly. "What can I get for you? More water?"

He shook his head. "Can you continue your story? Afterwards I think I'm going to sleep for a while."

"Of course." I took my hand back and placed them both in my lap. "Where did we leave off anyway?"

"You were heading out of Laketown, after you traumatized me by telling me that you and that dwarf spent the night together."

"I promise you Eerin, I only let kings in my bed these days."

While telling him stories, I did leave out certain details like the information about my tattoos and any specifics about Thorin and I's physical affection, however I did paint enough of a picture for him to understand our relationship. Though I did like to see him squirm when I described how attractive Thorin was and how he seemed to like me back. I probably took too much enjoyment out of seeing his face turn green when I brought up those specific details

"I don't care if there's a circus act going on, I don't want to know any details of who and how my little sister shares her bed." He shuddered and waved his hand at me, urging the story along. "And hearing how that horrible maester spoke to you as well. I am fully ready for your story to exit Laketown as soon as possible."

"As you wish." I settled further into the straw mattress and tried to put myself back into those moments. "When we awoke the next morning we needed to head down to the docks immediately so we could reach the mountain before the final light of the day. Unfortunately there wasn't any time for morning festivities for Thorin and I-"

"Lydia! Move on, please!" he groaned, reaching to the side of his bed and throwing a ceramic cup at me.

I caught it and chuckled as I set it on the ground. "As I said, there wasn't time for festivities! Though I was certainly in high spirits and I thought I saw a slight change in Thorin's general demeanor as well. That could have been wishful thinking since he was such a stonewall when it came to most emotional range outside of the bedroom."

He gave me a sharp look.

"Alright, alright. I'll move on, Mister Spoilsport. Ruining my reminiscing." I gave him a teasing look. "Anyway, once we got down to the boats to leave, I realized there were some dwarves missing from our company…"


I gently closed the bedroom door behind me, Eerin already heavily breathing. He had nodded off somewhere between me going down into the horde of Erebor and facing Smog for the first time. He must have been exhausted because he had been very excited to get to the part with the dragon. Those coughing fits really do take the life out of him though.

I left him to continue sleeping. I had some planning to do.

I sat at the dining room table with a pen and a piece of paper. I wrote down all my siblings names in order, not including Eerin and I, of course.

Elyssa Brownlock, Rosalind Deepbrook, Percival Barclay, Beren Barclay, and Genevive Grubb. Eerin was first and I was born between Rosalind and Percival.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to remember where I had last heard everyone was and where I might be able to find them.

Elyssa married someone rich and moved to Hobbiton almost immediately after Mom and Dad passed. I think she had been stringing him along for a while but once we were kicked out of the house she locked him down quickly so she had somewhere to go. I'm sure she's still there and probably has a few children at this point, if the ice queen allowed him to touch her that much. She would most likely be the easiest to find in the small town as long as her poor husband is still alive and she didn't go onto another victim.

Rosalind followed Elyssa out to Hobbiton as well. She latched onto the first guy who thought she was pretty so I think he was a farmer or something? She was one who was absolutely boy crazy when we were younger so I'm sure she has a litter of hobbit children. I bet her husband was a happy man, if he found a way to deal with her codependency and her wild mood swings. There wasn't anything wrong with being an emotional person but Rose was a force of nature when she was swinging one way or another. She could love deeply, but if someone were to make her angry they would want to hide their dinner knives.

Percival, who always hated it when we called his Percy, would be the toughest to find. Without a doubt in my mind I knew that he would be impossible to get information on. What few friends he had were low lifes that hold no loyalty to anyone except others like them. Percy could be living in someone's basement without them knowing, could have knocked up a random hobbit and had to marry her, taken over a small town, or dead in a ditch somewhere. He was always one of those people who always did the unexpected and was good at whatever he did and got away with whatever he wanted. If he used his powers for good, he would have been better to take on the journey to Erebor than me. I'm sure Gandalf would have considered him too much of a wild card. Thorin would have hated him if he had to travel with him and somehow rely on him. I would be more keen to trust a bridge made of meringue than trust Percy with damn near anything.

Beren is the only one I would occasionally run into while I was working at the Prancing Pony. He chose the life of a thief so I was sure he was living on the streets of Bree if he was still alive. Whereas Percy was good at getting away with whatever he did, Beren really should have tried to get out of the criminal lifestyle because he was not good at it. He tried to rope me into a couple of horrible schemes but I always refused and he stopped asking. A couple days after he asked me about joining a specific heist I would always hear on the street how it went horribly wrong and how the idiots involved were either beat up, in jail, or both.

Then there was our youngest sister, Genevive. She was also in Hobbiton, married to some random man out there because she couldn't stay with anyone else. Her and I didn't end things on good terms, I was really trying to keep her from following our sisters and to come with me out to Bree but she shrugged me off and acted like a real brat about me just trying to help her. Gen had a way of being very cruel and masked it by calling it honesty, but I still wanted to take care of her because at least I could trust her and we were always the closest out of all of the sisters. Well, we were the closest but we were always the most likely to beat up on each other.

With her attitude, I'm sure her husband was miserable.

I jotted down where I could find each of them and I was feeling confident on being able to find most of them but not very confident on convincing them to show up. The plan was to find my sisters first, they would be the easiest to find. Then I'd have to venture to find my other two brothers and hopefully find them alive and willing to reconnect.

I sighed and leaned back in my chair. The silence of the house surrounded me and made me feel uneasy. I wondered how much longer I had before the house was always going to be like this. How much longer before there's nothing left in this house but ghosts and memories? How different will it be from Erebor once that time comes?

I just wanted a family again but death seems to follow me like a shadow.

Tears rose up in my eyes making my vision blurry thinking about how much time we had wasted by deciding not to give a shit about each other.

I coughed a little bit then shook myself off, rubbing the wetness out of my eyes. I needed to go check out my traps and figure out meals for the both of us while I'm on the road searching for our siblings. There wasn't time to fall into a slump of regrets and hopelessness. I needed to be there for Eerin, especially with his last requests.