Severus Pov

The Hogsmeade trip was not that awful, he must admit. Regulus antics made it so that he didn't overthink everything and hesitate over every tiny detail.

He hated attention. When he passed, people talked. He didn't want to notice, or to be noticed. It always got him in trouble.

Getting it at home by Tobias, left him bloody and bruised.

Getting it here at Hogwarts by Potter, left him hurt and humiliated.

So, excuse him for avoiding it whenever he could. Regulus truly meant well, but some habits didn't change, like ever.

How naïve his friend was, for thinking he could become a pro Quidditch player just with being a footnote in some book. He had nothing against the game beside being childish and useless. But even for that, he needed a recommendation.

And what sane quidditch player or coach would vouch for someone like him? A point he could never get Reg to understand. A pureblood boy? Impossible.

So here he was, forced to be around people he didn't like, and they had the same idea about him. Hogsmeade was unfortunately crowded, with nauseating displays of affection from prepubescent half-wits and the like.

At least he could get his hands on some decent juice rather than the sickly sweet of pumpkins. He just loved to sip his orange juice and get a bite of a good cup cake.

"so Severus, thought on becoming a player again?"

And here it goes.

"Regulus, you know how things are now, even before this awful campaign against the likes of me, it was doomed to fail. No-one will give me a recommendation, "

The boy opened his mouth to protest, maybe to say he would get one to do so. He held his hand.

"and if by some chance they gave it, I need a decent broom and gear that costs a fortune"

He opened up again , he guessed he would say he can pay.

"and NO. you can not pay for me. First you are relying on your parents money, and next you yourself don't want to be indebted to them" that successfully shut him up.

"talking behind my lovely uncle and aunt? Naughty little cousin?" said a feminie voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I would talk to their face if they ever decided that someone like me is fit to darken their doorstep, alas tis all I can offer for now" and smiled at Narcissa, full of teeth.

He had no clue why she had taken to call him little cousin, true he was yonger by maybe 6 years, but that made him only 'little' and not neccssarily cousin material.

The soon to be lady Malfoy tsked. "we really should do something about those teeth. You drink far too much coffee" tactfully leaving behind the fact that his teeth were uneven too.

"yes! Cissa! I totally agree! This knuklehead doesn't listen to me! But you my dear—" and he yelped when he felt the burn of a stinging hex grasing his arm.

Served him right, the brat.

"SO,you talk in hexes now dears?" said the woman dressed in lovely shades of green and black, even casual garbs looked stunning on her.

"No ma'am. I am fluent in sarcasm only" that made her laugh.

"what you speak is meany"

Meany? "its not even a word!"

"it is when you hex me if you don't like what I say!"

He glared ." its not as if you don't hex me back! Just the other night I said Alphard Black is Nuts and you cursed my ears to be like rabbits!"

"well for one thing he is only that half the time, and in my defense you looked cute"

He glares harder. He didn't look cute. He had to hide in Regulus room until an hour passed and the laughing boy consented to lift the curse.

"children" she admonished them.

"Now I think Regulus speaks true, so you will get a fix for that teeth." The finality in her voice , he didn't like.

"but—"

She cut him" well, you are going to see Belby for the first time, and you are familiar enough with the rules to know appearance talks first"

He knows. He knows too much.

He knows how he saw Lily the other day, sitting beside Lupin and laughing with him. Just in their old place in the library. He knows his hair and teeth and scrawny body repells those who aren't disgusted with his lack of riches and his tie color. He heard her friends talking behind his back, advive her to drop the loser.

She is getting all chummy with the likes of Lupin now he isn't there, showing her true colors? Or maybe being brainwashed to accept Potter slowly?

"here we go"

She says all cheerfully.

And an hour later, he is standing in madam Malkin's, scowling at the boy in the mirror.

Hair trimmed, a quick fix on his teeth – not permanent, permanent ones need more time and money than a small magical brace- dressed in all nine, he doesn't feel like himself.

He thinks he is an imposter in his own skin. The dark rich purple – eggplant- complements his skin tone and brings out his eyes.

He doesn't like being dollified. He doesn't like being in clothes he can not afford himself.

"chin up Severus" Narcissa says.

He knows she is only friends with him because of Regulus, Reg himself must have been ill with a bout of Black madness to choose him as friend.

Maybe its because of her darling fiancé?

But if that's it, why her eyes soften when she looks at him? She looks pleased with herself, not like she is pretending to be happy.

But what she sees in him? He knows not.

He doesn't want to make them – Reg and Narcissa- unhappy. Making people unhappy never ends well for him, and he thinks he likes the both of them enough to want to avoid it.

He hates to lose them too. He had already disappointed too many people, rejected by far too many.

He can not stomach another blow so soon.

So he smiles and nods and looks happy.

Even if he is not, even if his mind is screaming at him that being indebted to anyone is not good. That there is no friendship without benefit, without strings attached. It was like this with Lily, whom he though he knew like the back of his hand, how it will goes with Blacks? They are too new, too unknown, and the backlash of their wrath would be worse than Lily's.

And he can not make himself to put distance between them. He longes for human contact, and he wants assurance that all would be well. That his mom could get better and life would get better. He knows he has seen too much to ever be optimistic, so he latches onto these little moments, these people, hoping his presence doesn't tire them, doesn't get them in trouble, doesn't stain them…

He admits he looks good.

Regulus takes his hand and walks them through a less crowded area, where he claims a mgical street band from America is playing.

"I've never heard of that"

Neither has Reg. he feels better knowing they are in this together.

When they arrive at the stage, they are nearly done. " one last song and we are going to wrap this up!" he hears.

And when it starts to play, he can admit they are good. The melody is alright, and the song itself is good. It seems to target young people who want to know themselves, wondering what happens next.

It ends, and he finds out he had enjoyed himself.

"so the next one, I want a volunteer to come up here and sing" the main leader – whose name has escaped his notice- says.

Before he can gather what is what, Regulus and Narcissa had voleentered him.

"alright pals, here it goes. We will use a selecting charm, ok? whoever the charm selects can get up here and sing "

He is praying to not be that person.

"annnnd our lucky guy issssss….Severus Snape!"

Regulus is more excited than him. "go there Sev! You gonna ace it! I heard you play Guitar and write poems, go and sing one of yours!"

He did, once upon a time.

He hisses back " all I know are muggle tones, and why the hell I told you that I can not understand myself!"

"Severus?" Narcissa watches him with worry, the leader is still calling for him.

"you don't have to, you know? You are mine and Reggie's friend even if you suck at it. Even if you don't want to do. None of us will make you do it"

And just because of this he goes up there.

Its his choice.

"so pal, what you gonna do?"

"huh?"

"I mean sing? Play? What instrument? Do you know the name of the song?"

He knows. He's gonna play guitar and sing his own work.

And he starts:

" I spoke to God today

And she said that she's ashamed

What have I become?

What have I done?

I spoke to devil today

And he swears he's not to blame

And I understood

Cause I feel the same"

He wrote it back when he was upset at seeing Lily with Potter, and with Tobias trying to get rid of him for good. He can feel the stares, but doesn't mind.

He let's go.

"Arms wide open

I stand alone

I'm no hero

And I'm not made of stone

Right or wrong

I can hardly tell

I'm on the wrong side of Heaven

And the righteous side

The righteous side of Hell"

How true it is. How right it is. Rejected by magical folk, rejected by muggles, by his own father, head of house and his best friend. Being told he is not worthy, being told off for things he hasn't done. The condescending proffessors blaming him for all things that is not his fault, too hard on him and too forgiving of the good looking mauraders.

"I heard from God today

And she sounded just like me

What have I done?

And who have I become?

I saw the devil today

And he looked a lot like me

I looked away

I turned away

Arms wide open

I stand alone

I'm no hero

And I'm not made of stone

Right or wrong

I can hardly tell

I'm on the wrong side of Heaven

And the righteous side

The righteous side of Hell"

He finishes the song, when the main singer pats him on the shoulder and gives him his personal card " whenever you came to America give me a call. I know potential, and I know talent"

He doesn't even register. His feet are shaking and he feels light headed.

"Merlin Sev! You are awesome!" says Narcissa , and then pulls his head down and kisses him fully on the mouth.

It feels weird, but weirdly good?

"didn't I tell you you gonna ace it?" Regulus says. " the whole crowd were cheering for you like mad, wish I had a pensieve so I could show you. If we ever got to learn Patronus, Im gonna use this "

He feels warm and giddy. The crowd doesn't bother him much as they part for their little group to pass. Maybe not all kinds of attention is bad?

Bonus:

Abraxas throws the letter to Lucius face.

"look!"

He sighs. What is it now? Father is in a right menace and Lucius just wants to rest undisturbed.

He looks at the picture, at the letter. Severus does look good in that eggplant purple robe. Maybe he should send him a wine colored one? And Merlin Regulus has grown!

How Cissa looks wonderful..

"are you blind? Wont you retaliate? Pay back? Do the same to that, that boy?"

" Father, he is in Hogwarts, it is really hard to get into there"

Abraxas seems confused. "Hogwarts?"

"well father, you see, you wanted me to retaliate, and to do so I need to find him first, and kiss him later. Of course if he doesn't disagree"

Abraxas hexes him.

(Lyrics :Wrong side of heaven by five finger death punch)