In this chapter, our heroes will kill the Gungan with an ogre.
Can you guess which one?
I bet you've dreamed of killing Jar Jar.
Chapter 7: Ogre
Wanting to pay his friend Yoda a visit, Anakin decided to visit Dagobah.
"Why would he want to live in a place such as this?" asked Anakin, putting his hand on the chin.
It seemed like a pretty remote location to him.
He must be a pretty lonely guy.
"It's a long story." explained Obi-Wan.
Yoda was in self-imposed exile after failing to stop Emperor Palpatine from writing "Siths Rule" on the back of the Jedi Temple.
Apparently, there was no trying. Only doing.
Why Yoda kept beating himself up, Anakin wasn't sure.
Anakin just hoped that he didn't end up in quicksand.
Currently, it was sunny outside.
However, Jar Jar Binks discovered a house that had a sign next to it saying "Beware of Ogre."
Next to the swamp was an outhouse.
Somebody appeared to be using a storybook as toilet paper.
Which was a shame, because it was a nice storybook. Did someone not believe in fairy tales?
Personally Jar Jar Binks considered the warnings to be a bunch of baloney. Though he could tell that someone was living in there.
Seemed Yoda wasn't the swamp's only resident.
Ogres didn't exist...did they?
Of course, if he had remembered all the times that he died, he'd realize that he'd been killed by crazier things than ogres.
But he did not.
As it turned out, there was indeed an ogre in the swamp.
This ogre was green and had a big round belly, much like Santa.
Ironically, the Gungan had met Santa before. He had accidentally been killed by him.
The ogre wasn't happy to see the Gungan. There had been peace and quiet up until now. But with Jar Jar Binks around, one could never have peace and quiet.
"What are you doing in my swamp?" bellowed Shrek, pointing at Jar Jar.
It seemed that the Gungan couldn't just parade in there uninvited.
"Uh-oh." remarked Jar Jar Binks.
Shrek roared at the Gungan, scaring him out of his wits. It reminded him of the time people came to his house with torches.
Normally, this was the part where people run away.
But for whatever reason, the Gungan did not.
Shrek then tore Jar Jar Binks' head off.
Normally he wouldn't do such a thing (he was more bark than bite...like the talking trees he sometimes ran into), but he got the feeling the Gungan was evil.
Jar Jar Binks died instantly.
Our heroes laughed in satisfaction.
They had arrived just in time to witness Jar Jar die.
"Would the rest of you please leave my swamp?" asked Shrek.
"Sorry." apologized Luke.
The rest of them left.
C-3PO stopped to pick up Jar Jar Binks's body. They wouldn't want to leave him in the swamp.
Otherwise he might sink into it and they wouldn't be able to kill him anymore.
Now that he thought of it, perhaps they should collect some blood samples in case they wanted to use a method that would oblterate Jar Jar.
Shrek wondered what a robot was doing in a fairy tale world.
It just didn't make any sense. Was there going to be aliens next?
If so, he didn't have any cattle. They would want to look elsewhere.
But since he was removing Jar Jar Binks from his sight, he decided not to question it.
He considered eating Binks, but he figured that even trying to eat him would only result in irritation.
Our heroes resurrected Jar Jar Binks for future killing. Maybe they could feed him to a dragon. They had met an ogre, after all.
The last thing he had remembered before his death was someone yelling at him for entering his swamp. He apparently shouldn't be trespassing. but then again, who would think that there was anyone living in a place like this other than Yoda?
They then remembered that they were there to visit Yoda.
Perhaps he would be interested in killing Jar Jar.
But then again, he had no intention of leaving his swamp.
Still, they decided they would visit him.
Anakin could benefit from his wisdom.
So off they went.
Let me know if you want Shrek to be in more of these chapters. He has been in four movies after all. And there might be five.
And don't enter Shrek's swamp without permission.
Maybe I will have Jar Jar be killed and eaten by a dragon.
Dragons have fire breath.
Some of them do anyway.
