Shit.

Shit shit shit, where the fuck I'm supposed to get such amount of cucumbers? I doubt I could even buy all of them, how much do they even cost here? Fuck, I'll go check.

[TOEHOE: TREACHEROUS WAY OF UNLIMITED GOLD] Ft. Cucumbers.

-It's ¥448.22 per kilogram.

WHAT-wait no... that's not really a lot, isn't it? Fuck if I now, I'm not japanese. Ugh, I'll just buy as much as I can, I'll just see how to financially recover later.

I ended up buying like 3 kilograms from the greengrocer. Apparently, it's not the season for cucumbers so there's a limited amount of them. Fuck, I should be quick and start buying before there's no more left.

-Hey Nicky.

Ah... right, Mima's here, I keep forgetting about her... ok I kinda feel a bit bad about that.

-Yes?

-How are you gonna carry all those cucumbers, you know, the one thousand and two hundred cucumbers all the way to the waterfall at the youkai mountain?

Ah...

...

Fuck she's right, I didn't really think this through...

-Nicky, don't you think it would be handy to use a pocket dimension?

-Ah... right, you did mention about a pocket dimension before. Wait, we won't cut to your learning segment, we already did it two chapters in a row. The fic will get saturated with it.

-Fine

uhhh... I had to imagine where I put my stuff or something like that.

I start to visualize a Minecraft inventory in my mind and... imagining my hand as a cursor... god, I feel so stupid right now. Using my "hand cursor" I... ugh, I "click" on the bag of cucumbers I was holding on my other hand, and drag it to one of the slots, placing it there.

Slowly moving my eyes to look at the hand where the bag of cucumbers was, I can see that, in fact, the bag of cucumbers it's not longer there.

Wow... it did really work, Nice. One problem less for m-

-Hey you!

Fucking.

Looking behind me I end up seeing a... pretty normal guy. Well, normal in the outside world sense, considering he's wearing a black hoodie and light blue jeans along black shoes, and his hair was a mess.

He was walking straight to where I was, sporting a goofy smile.

Reaching me, he stands before me, hiding his hands on the pockets of his pants.

-...Dude, you're totally a secondary character. I just know it!

...What?

-And just who are you, if you would be so nice to tell me.

Hearing this, he lets out a "oh", fixes up his hair a little bit, then does a... Jojo pose. What's up with this guy, really.

-Ren Toza! Pretty cool name huh? I just made it on the way.

-I see...

-Dude, you won't believe me but... I'm a fucking protagonist!

-...And that would be because...?

-Right! let me tell you why Ahem you see, I woke up on my bed just like any other ordinary day, did the usual stuff of washing my teeth and blah blah blah and then, just when I was about to play Nekopara, a giant blue box of text appeared in front of me, and it said I got choosen for... the gamer system! Just like in the fics dude! Can you believe it!?

-Uh huh.

-It said I had to choose a world to go and select some habilities n' shit I wanted to get for the journey, so I choose the Touhou world because heh, it's filled with cute girls and lolis!

...okay... I don't think I like this guy. And what the fuck is... Twohoe, wait no, is it supposed to be this place?

-And you're telling me all this so openly for what reason...?

-Dude, you're an outsider too, isn't it? None of the charcters go around wearing a hawaiian shirt like you. We can be partners dude! Hear me out, the moment I start assembling my harem, you get Remilia and I get Flandre. Sounds good, no? Also you coul- Holy shit is that freaking Mima?!

He really just noticed her now?

Mima just said "Yo" and did a peace sign.

-Mima, you know this guy?

-No.

Thanks god.

The Ren Toza guy stood there stupefied, then snapped his head in my direction and said.

-Dude what the hell!? The PC-98 characters exist?!

-The what now?

-This is... so fucking awesome!

-Dude, stop yelling. It's getting pretty tiring.

Ren Toza then gets in front of Mima like an excited puppy. Mima, however, is just completely unfazed by his demeanor and just gives him a disinterested stare.

-Hello there shawty~ I feel like we are very apart of each other, and I don't mean just in death you know~

-Kill yourself.

-Ouch, tough crowd. Ahem I am a bit adept in magic myself, and I'd like to be the Accelerator to your vectors if you know what I mean, wink wink.

Mima glances at me with a frown.

-Nick, can we kill this guy?

Bro, I don't even have a house here. If I commit a crime here I'm probably going to get beheaded or something by the villagers.

-Yeaaaah no. Lets just leave before-ah!?

Suddenly, Mima swoops me up on a hug from the floor and rapidly flies away from the encounter with me in her arms.

I can hear the Ren guy yell in the distance "Woah man! you're getting manhandled by Mima, you're living the dream my guy!"

This fucking guy...

I bring my face up-errr down to look at her. Since I'm taller than her (if you don't take into account her "extra height" because of her constant... ghostly float) and she was carrying me from the torso, and we were flying horizontally, mind you.

-Hey! What's wrong? I know he's a weirdo but you're exaggerating with this.

-That person... is a strange one, he has something on him.

-What do you mean?

-You probably didn't notice, my foolish student. A fly that was buzzing around that Toza guy, suddenly got splattered against the ground like if some kind of object impacted against it. But the thing is, I didn't sense any type of magic in that moment, and neither some type of physical material hitted the fly, so it couldn't be magic and neither an external force. Just to make sure, I tossed a little bit of mana at him while he was blabbing about some acceleration or whatever. The mana got repelled away from him, like if he had some kind of barrier around him, this guy spells bad news.

Fucking, he probably got that shit from that gamer system of his.

-Damn, hope we won't cross paths with that guy again.

-Indeed.

-Also, you said something about mana. Isn't that like uh, the fuel for magic or something?

-No, mana is just raw magic. Magic without form nor porpuse.

-Oh, cool. By the way Mima, could you stop by the greengrocers? I want to buy as many cucumbers possible quickly.

-Sure, hold on thight. Don't take yours hands too far though, otherwise, I'll just drop you in mid flight.

-Got it.

...

Feeling her chest pressing against mine feels nice tho.

[TOEHOE: TREACHEROUS WAY OF UNLIMITED GOLD] Ft. Self Insert With Gamer System Guy

Finally, after going around the entire village to buy all the cucmbers I needed. I did it! Kinda, I still need like five more I think. Aaand I don't have any money left

-phew that took longer than I thought, thanks for the help, Mima.

-psh, don't mention it.

Putting all the cucumbers in the pocket dimension (in the form of a minecraft inventory sigh) me and Mima start walking, or in the case of Mima, hovering, through the streets, or well, roads of the village.

-Geez, I almost got all the cucumbers needed, but I'm not even sure what I'm gonna want in return.

-Really? All those cucumbers, and yet you don't know what you want.

-Ok fine, I got carried away with the moment there.

Mima just shakes her head at my response.

-You're really foolish, Nicky. You must think before you jump into the action, some day, you're gonna get killed like that.

-Fine fine, I promise you I won't die soon.

-Hmph, I'll hold you on to that

What's her problem...?

We keep going through the village, until I try to start a conversation.

-So, you were always like this?

-Excuse me?

-I mean, were you always a spirit? Were you a little green phantom blob long ago?

-Very funny, but no, I wasn't always like this.

-How so?

-I was human before, before I was killed that is.

-Ah... so you instantly became a spirit after you were murdered?

-I don't want to go into details about it, It's something I prefer to leave forgotten.

-Oh, that's ok.

Well, this is awkward.

-Hey, but can't you revive yourself? You know, this is a magic fantasy land of some sorts. Isn't resurrection magic possible?

-It is something possible, but there are high chances for something to go wrong, like becoming a zombie. You would also need the body of the deceased to be freshly dead, otherwise, if you try to revive it after a few days of death, you'll just bring them back in a vegetable state since the organs of the body may be already discomposed by that time, and they will just die again after a few minutes.

-Oh... that... sucks...

-I don't want to think about it much, even if I come back to life, there's nothing to go back to. My family and all the things I've cherished while living have disappeared long ago. What I'm supposed to do? Just roam around until a miracle happens and everything goes back to how things were before? Ha, don't make me laugh.

-Ah, but there's things that are still worth living for.

-Like what.

-Food, interacting with people, the beatiful views all around the world, create stuff, engage in competitions, all that things and more.

-pffft seriously? the taste of the food is only temporary and you can grow bored even of your favorite food. Interacting with people is in vain, they will all die sooner or later and every moment you've spent with that person will be meaningless in the end. Beatiful views? As long as people don't reach those places to destroy them. Competitions? Yeah, you're the best, so what? You're no one special and just being better at something than someone won't change that.

...

-You're... you're... too pessimistic.

-...What?

-You only see it on the negative light, but you never look at the other side of the coin. Yeah, food may not taste as good as it used to be when you were younger but you can always throw a shit ton of stuff to give it more flavor, eating your favorite food could get repetitive if you eat it too much, but you can have various favorite foods, there is and will alway be new stuff to taste and eat. interacting with people is not meaningless, sure, we all will die some day, but that's what gives passing time with people value, because you get to cherish those moments you've spent with them, and will always have meaning as long as you believe it so. Yeah, people can be pieces of shit and destroy the earth and its nature as much as possible, but that shouldn't be always the case if we can do something about it, plant trees, teach people about the consequences of ruining the ecosystem and stuff, donate to a fundation dedicated to help with stuff like cleaning the beaches from all the trash thrown and things like that. Sure, no one is special, but engaging in competitions and stuff can help someone grow and inspire them in becoming better if they lose, while "the best" can be some kind of model to what they could be in the future. You may not have some family to go back to, but you could get friends that love you and treat you like family, after all, family is something more than just a blood bond. I care about you, Mima, I can be stupid yeah, but don't even think for a second that I will turn my back on you if you're in need of help. I may have just spend like half a day with you, but I still feel like I know you from forever.

What the fuck I'm yapping about? I didn't think I even had it in me to sputter emotional crap.

Mima just stares at me blankly for a moment, before she starts giving me a big grin.

-Ku... kuku... kukuku~. My my, aren't you a real charmer? I never thought I would hear something like that coming from you. You really are an idiot, Nick. But-

Mima, who was by my side, bends a bit to me, and plants a kiss on my forehead.

Chu~

-I think I like you just the way you are. Thanks for the uplifting words~

-Gee, just a thanks would have been enough.

I rub my forehead in hopes of cleaning any possible ectoplasm she may have left on me

What? She's a ghost or atleast something like that, I can't take chances of getting some sort of ghost virus, I can't permit me to die before becoming a millionare in this shit hole-h-hey! Don't ruffle my hair dammit!

[TOEHOE: TREACHEROUS WAY OF UNLIMITED GOLD] Ft. samurai wannabe kid.

I find myself walking in the village (again) but this time, alone (again).

Mima said she was feeling tired and went off to her seal to take a nap.

Can ghosts even feel tired? I don't know, I didn't ask her.

So, I was thinking where I could get the five cucmbers more that I needed, maybe Yuuka has some, I mean, she's gardener, so she probably has like a mini botanic or whatever that thing was called. Man, now that I think about it, maybe I could tell the kappas to build me a house in exchange for the cucumbers, I'm still crashing out at Keine's and I'm starting to feel like a parasite. I should also go to-

-Hold it!

What the, I hope it's not that guy again.

Looking back towards the direction where the voice calling me came from, I see... A short girl with white hair, green clothes with a white shirt below what below her vest, she carried a sword and had a... flying white fart cloud or something following her.

-Yes?

-You're the man who bought the village's entire stock of cucumbers, isn't it?

-Yes.

-Why!?

-Why not?

-I've visited every seller possible in the village and everyone of them said the same thing, "sorry, we ran out of cucumbers, a man with an exotic red shirt with flowers bought them all".

-Ok, and?

-There is no more left! I can't go to back to Yuyuko-sama empty handed, it would be a disgrace that I couldn't complete such a simple task, I was supposed to prepare Sunomono today!

-Just cook something else bruh-

SHWING

The white haired kid took her sword out and pointed it at me.

-We are gonna have a duel for the cucumbers.

-No.

-Of course, you can choose what the rules will-wait what.

-I said no.

-What do you mean no!?

-I won't do your stupid duel.

-What, are you a coward? To flee from a duel like this...

-I don't even have a fucking sword, dude.

I start to walk away from the scene without sparing her another glance.

-Hey! w-wait!

I can feel something tugging from my shirt, looking behind, it is of course this annoying ass kid.

-What do you want?

-I already told you! I can't go back to Yuyuko-sama empty handed!

-I don't care brah

-Guh!

Her face was starting to get red like a tomato as she was still tugging on my shirt to stop me from going away, as I just was trying to walk her off in hopes that she gets tired from pestering me.

Fucking.

-Ok this is going nowhere, hear me out, we are gonna have a duel. But not a sword duel though, it will be a duel of MAHJONG.

-Fine! I, Youmu Konpaku, will give it my best, body and soul, to beat you!

[TOEHOE: TREACHEROUS WAY OF UNLIMITED GOLD] Ft. MAHJONG MAHJONG MAHJONG

She lost.

She didn't know how to play mahjong, so I ended up having to teach her how to play it.

Poor girl, she couldn't beat me at any attempt simply because I was too quick at combining the pieces, if I'm beng honest, I played this shit a lot. So this was a bit one sided.

-Uuuh... uuh... u-uuuh...

Ah... it seems like she's about to cry

-Come on, don't be a sore loser. Learn to lose kid

...

What? she drew a fucking sword at me, no way I'm gonna treat her like a little kid.

-Uuh... u-uwaaaaaaaaaah!

-Wait, don't cry here, people are looking at me in a judgemetal way!

-Yuhyuhkoh shamaaaaaa~ thish man ish way thoo mean!

-Freaking, alright you little shit, take some cucumbers but stop crying.

-UWAAAAAAA-

[TOEHOE: TREACHEROUS WAY OF UNLIMITED GOLD] Ft. UWAAAAAAAAA.

In the end, a pink haired woman came and took the white haired kid away, said she was sorry for the kid's behaviour and to forget about the cucumbers.

...

So, what I was gonna do again?... Oh yeah, gotta go ask Yuuka if she has some cucumbers to lend me some.

SHIT TO DO LIST:

-Learn japaneseX

-Find a jobX

-Learn danmakuX I Forgor :skull:

-Meet the kappa and get them to make things I want: just 5 more cucumbers needed

-Get an epic flying bed so I can be a lazy ass while going wherever I want

-Get rich (get dat sweet paper baby hell yeah

Author's note:

No, Ren Toza is not based on accelerator junior before you ask.