Chapter 49:

The New Teacher's Troubles


The rest of Harry's first week of teaching went by rather smoothly after that hiccup on the first day.

He was a bit out of his depth in trying to manage the clubs, but they turned out to not need him.

"Awww, you made yourself a leetle boy again?" The Veela he had been warned about teased.

"And I bet he doesn't even remember us." Cedric, who he knew personally and was trying to hide this fact, joined in.

"I will soon, I'm sure. I have two alchemists working to change me back." Harry told them.

He was dismissed from his duty as gamekeeper after that. A role that Hogwarts was desperately trying ot refill now that Madame Hooch was a terrorist! Seriously, how did that happen?

Anyhoo, this left him an unbelievably amount of free time. He used this time wisely, burning through every book on divination he could find. Both in his older self's study, and in the library. He had already swallowed the official textbooks, or most of them anyways, under his mother's instruction. But based on the past essays students had turned in for extra credit, his older counterpart liked to go way off the beaten path. He practically disregarded the official material.

This made his job of teaching more difficult, unless he opted to just go back to teaching from the textbook. But older him set such a stellar example that he wanted to stick to it. He wanted to keep inspiring wonder and awe. He had succeeded with that first assignment, now he just needed to come up with something equally clever for next week.

But then Friday came along, and nobody was ready for the announcement Dumbledore had in store for them.

"Good morning, everyone." Dumbledore greeted. "I am pleased to announce that classes are canceled today."

This was news to the staff, who glanced confusedly at each other as the students cheered.

"Instead, we will all be taking a little trip to Hogsmeade. There, you will all witness a historic event that will be remembered for millennia." Dumbledore said.

"So, eat up and then proceed to the gatehouse and take a carriage to Hogsmeade. Students of age may use a staff floo." Dumbledore advised. "Be sure to wear your hats and school robes.

Eat up, they did. Harry had never seen students eat so quickly, nor Slytherin purebloods do so with such poor manners.

Remus leaned over to Harry.

"We should probably hurry to our offices." He said.

And hurry they did. Making it just in time to let the first batch of sixth and seventh years inside. He supervised them as they flood either to the Hog's head or the three broomsticks. When the last student went through, he waited ten minutes for any last stragglers before locking up and going through himself.

He exited the fireplace of the Hog's Head to find a pair of Aurors standing guard. He recognized them as the pair that usually guarded the entrance to Diagon alley.

"Please proceed to the pavilion behind the train station and join the other students." One auror said.

Harry let it slide that they assumed he was a student. He did look one. He did as they said and a short, thirty-minute walk later had him in front of the train station. There, the last of the carriages with students were delivering their payload.

And behind it, visible even from the front, was a giant projector screen. The kind you would see at a drive in theater. Harry was even more confused than before.

He followed the students around the building to find the field behind the station was covered in chairs, with most already taken. His coworkers were seated at the front. Typical of him to be last to arrive.

In front of them was what looked like a newscasting van with a satellite dish on top of it.

He found a seat saved for him between his mom and Remus. Once he took it he saw a Muggle, electric projector set up on a table, under which was a generator. So that's why they needed to come all the way out here! Yeah, that thing would fry if it was any closer to Hogwarts.

"What's this all about?" Harry asked.

"You got me." Said Remus with a shrug.

Dumbledore was nowhere to be seen.

Nobody, not even the faculty, felt brave enough to approach the Muggle newscasters and their Auror guard to ask. So they all just sat their uncomfortably while they got the projector working. It was an overcast enough day that, when it finally worked the image it projected onto the giant, white screen the image quality was perfect.

It was showing a newscaster at her desk who was currently speaking, but there was no sound.

"Just in time. Now let's get those speakers up and running." Said the man who had been tinkering with the projector.

Oh right. There were big, black speakers against the back wall of the train station. He'd somehow missed that. His mind confused them for vending machines, which would have been just as odd to see in Hogsmeade. It was early, and he was still sleepy.

The speakers were soon up and running, barely audible over the sound of the multitude of generators powering them and the other electronics.

"We now go live to the emergency UN meeting where we are told there will be an important announcement regarding the disaster in London last week."

Harry shared excited glances with his coworkers. He knew they must have been thinking exactly what he was. What kind of cockamamie bullshit were they going with for a cover story? An alien invasion? Hallucinogenic gas explosion? Animatronics? Time traveling cyborgs? Whatever it was, it was gonna be good.

The video feed did indeed change to the UN chamber.

There, at the head podium, was a man who the caption declared as Razali Ismail of Malaysia, President of the fifty first and a half United Nations National Assembly. Long title.

"We are here today after only two weeks since our last meeting. But today we are not here to discuss our resolutions to ban nuclear testing or to cooperate in space. Today, we are to reveal the cause to the catastrophe in London nearly two weeks ago." The translator for Ismail said after a slight delay from the Malaysian's own words.

"Every world leader has been working overtime over the last two weeks to make this moment possible, and everyone in this room has been briefed." The speaker continued. "But I am not the best person to explain. Which is why I will be giving the floor to my new colleague, head chairman of the International Confederation of Wizards, Albus Perceival Wilfric Brian Dumbledore."

Harry felt his jaw drop at the mention of the ICW, and pinched himself at the sound of his Headmaster's full name. But when the man himself melted into reality behind the podium, dispelling his disillusion charm, in full wizarding robes and hat, he realized this was really happening.

"Hello world." Dumbledore greeted. "As you just heard, I am Albus Dumbledore. It rolls off the tongue faster than my full name. And if you couldn't tell from my appearance and title, I am, indeed, a wizard."


Albus Dumbledore paused as if for reaction, although he received none in the UN chamber.

Naturally, everybody there was already in the know regarding this, but the many viewers across the planet probably needed a moment to digest what they just heard. Everybody in Harry's immediate facility certainly did.

For his part, Harry's eyes drifted to the workers operating the electronics. He had assumed they were squibs or relatives of muggleborns. Such people regularly provided services like this to wizards for events, so it wasn't that bizarre for them to be here. Now he was wondering if they were just run of the mill Muggles who had been briefed on what was going on ahead of time.

Dumbledore continued.

"No. This is not a prank. Yes, magic exists. Observe." He said.

With a wave of his wand the back wall of the room shattered into a million, perfectly geometrical shapes. Like an ornate Rubik's cube crossed with a fabrigo egg. These geometric shapes split apart and in waves separated, similar to the barrier separating the Leaky Cauldron from Diagon Alley.

The fine wood, and insignia of the United Nations, were now a wide open window to the green park behind the united nations building.

"Merely reshaping the world is the least of what we can do. The great arcane magics of your written fantasy are not so far off." He said.

With another wave of his wand a great ball of fire appeared above his head like a miniature sun. He flicked his wand again, this time over his shoulder. The ball of fire flew out through the wide open wall and exploded. The grounds behind the UN building were devastated as if by heavy artillery. The trees and grass burned, the stone was gouged, and the many UN members all ducked beneath their desks.

Dumbledore waited for everybody to calm down before waving his wand at the carnage. His last spell was like unleashing a blizzard. Wet ice and snow choked out the flames and left the grounds looking like a burnt Christmas decoration.

Dumbledore turned back to the camera.

"Turning invisible and wielding destructive elemental magic is not our usual modus operandi. We can animate the inanimate, reshape objects at will, heal nearly all wounds with incantations, and even teleport at will." Dumbledore explained. "I tell you all of this, and demonstrate all of what you just saw, to take away from you all disbelief you may have in my claims."

He paused again for effect, and even Harry hung on his every word.

"There is much to tell you all, but I will stick to the basics. Which have been written out for me to read in terms you can all understand." He said.

He then lifted a sheet of paper and cleared his throats.

"Wizards and witches are merely humans who, through a mutation we do not understand, similar to Ex-men, are able to perform magic. We are more akin to sorcerers from your..." He squinted. "Tabletop rpg, dungeons and dragons, but nothing like warlocks as described therin. Our magic is inborn, it does not come from demons, or angels, or horrific eldritch gods... What in the world am I reading? Do people actually believe in that kind of nonsense? Do I even want to know what an ex-man is?"

He glanced over his shoulder and a hitherto unseen Aurror removed his invisibility cloak before making a motion to continue. Dumbledore shrugged and continued.

"Over a millennia ago we separated wholly from the rest of humanity, carving up enormous swaths of the planet with great magics to separate it from your lands and nations, forming our own. These lands have been hidden from your eyes and your machines by that same magic. To put it into perspective, we own and control roughly a third of the planets landmass. We have our own governments, our own cultures, and our population is roughly one-one thousandth of yours." Dumbledore said, pausing to turn the page. "You may wonder why we need so much land, the short answer is nature preserves, particularly for dragons. Yes, dragons exist as do..."

He paused and took a deep breath.

"Unicorns, griffons, goblins, centaurs, mermaids, trolls, giants, basilisks, elves, dwarves, fairies, pixies, pegasi, sphinxes, vampires, werewolves, hinkipunks and many, many more magical creatures you've never heard of or imagined." Dumbledore listed off.

He put down the two pieces of paper and sighed.

"As I said, we are civilians of a separate nation, a nation of wizards and witches. We have lived in a separate society from you for well over a thousand years now. Our founding documents all revolve around remaining hidden from you, separate from you. We live in much more peaceful societies than yours, particularly in comparison to this last century. Hence the reason for this divorce in the first place." Dumbledore explained. "That all ended two weeks ago. Yes, that time anomaly was magical in nature."

Dumbledore waved his wand at the destroyed wall, and it repaired itself. Stitching back together in the same ornate, geometric pattern as before. The end result made it appear as if nothing had ever happened to it.

He then flicked his wand five times. Each time he did so a still photograph the size of a van appeared. Each displayed a face. Dumbledore said their names as their faces were displayed.

"Rolanda Hooch. Griselda Marchbanks. Goergia Shunpike. Emily Tofty. Alastor Marchbanks." He said. "These are the five terrorists who caused the time anomaly that ripped London apart and killed thousands, leaving thousands more with all of their worldly possessions destroyed. These individuals were what we call Unspeakables. They are the brightest witches and wizards who, under strict control, investigate the cutting edge mysteries of magic. Time, space, the afterlife, and more. They have gone rogue and are wanted dead or alive."

He picked the pages back up from his podium.

"It says here I should tell you it would be the equivalent of Oppenheimer, Groves, Fermi, and Lawrence taking the fat man and little boy and using it for their own ends. That is essentially what happened." Dumbledore said. "And we are doing absolutely everything in our power to make it right. That starts with crossing the divide and revealing ourselves with you, and aiding you in some of your problems, particularly those we have caused like the aforementioned terrorists."

He waved his wand at the photos again and they changed.

"As such, we are opening our world for tourism and exchanging services, particularly in the medical and educational fields. Non wizards may now visit our attractions and wildlife preserves. Mediwitches and mediwizards, doctors who use magic, can mend broken bones and seal flesh wounds in an instant. We can't cure any disease or medical condition, cancer and some viral agents are beyond us too, but there is much we are capable of that you are not. Likewise, we are distributing encyclopedias on important information regarding our word. Spells, magical creatures, curses and more so that you may protect yourselves from criminal elements from our world."

He lifted from his podium a copy of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them along with an encyclopedia of charms.

"I should close off with a warning." Dumbledore said. "We are doing this out of kindness, not necessity. I am aware that your kind invented weapons of mass destruction capable of destroying entire cities and nations just a few decades ago. That is adorable. We've had such weapons for millennia. Just ask Sodom and Gammora. Or ancient Egypt. We are fully capable of eradicating you, and the worst you can do is make your lands uninhabitable for the next one thousand years. In my lifetime I have personally prevented three movements intent on doing exactly that to you due to your behavior in this last century. Depending on your behavior in the coming months and years, I may abstain from preventing the next one."

Harry felt shivers run down his spine at the venom in Dumbledore's voice and the dark look on his face. He knew the man wasn't joking or exaggerating.

He then lifted his wand and held it in between his thumb and index finger as if displaying it.

"Every single child in our world owns one of these and knows how to use it. Most adults are capable of wielding spells capable of burning down entire cities, with the only countermeasure being other wizards of good conscious and good will towards you. Do not test the limits of that good will. Do. Not. Fuck with us." Dumbledore said.

Half of the people in attendance around Harry gasped at Dumbledore's use of profanity. Near as harry could tell, nobody had ever heard him use foul language before. That just went to show how serious he was.

The man then deflated and sighed so loudly it made the speakers vibrate.

"I do not want a world war between wizards and Muggles – that's what we call non wizards, it's an old word that translates to "Mundanes." I am one hundred percent certain we would win in that exchange, but I still do not want it. That is how much more peaceful we are than you. We never had a holocaust. We never had a Holodomor. We never had the killing fields of Cambodia. We have many problems, to be sure, but none of our kind envy your people and their problems. We do not want them. So, be as peaceful to us as we are being to you, I implore you."

With that done, he stepped away from the podium and twisted in place, vanishing with a crack.

The feed went silent for a moment. No UN member took to the podium to continue here Dumbledore left off. After almost a minute of this silence the newsfeed cut back to the station where the newscaster from before looked as baffled as Harry felt.

"I um, I don't know how to comment on what we all just witnessed. I have been instructed to reiterate that none of what you just witnessed was a prank and... hang on." She said, pausing as somebody offered her a sheet of paper.

"Okay! We are going live to our newscaster in... the magical village of Hogsmead for an exclusive interview with Minerva Mcgonnagal, Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and wizardry... did somebody spike my coffee?"

Those last few words were barely audible, as the audio and video faded to a view from the front of, well, them.

He turned to see the workers from before pointing a camera at all of them and the newscaster among them standing up to talk in the mike. Another worker had the good sense to cut off the audio feed but keep the video on.

Harry could see, from the live feed, that they all looked like fish out of water. Save for Minerva, who stood up, straightened her robes, and approached the newscaster.

They were too far away for Harry to make out what they were saying, but mere seconds later the students erupted. He resisted the urge to turn around and look at them, instead watching the live feed as they made fools of themselves.

Half of the nearly one thousands students fired off spells into the air, and the noise was deafening.

Both Minerva and the newscaster ducked at the sudden noise and rainbow of flashing lights. Kudos to the camera man, he didn't even flinch. Must have been one of those warzone cameramen in a previous role, because he kept his lens on the action.

Harry and Remus both laughed to tears as they watched one kid use that charm for writing in the air to draw a penis in the air while the rest threw their hats in the air and danced or otherwise made buffoons of themselves.

Whoever thought it would be a good idea to put the entire student population of Hogwarts on live television unannounced and without coaching was either a moron or a genius... Who was he kidding, Dumbledore knew this would happen and orchestrated it on purpose.

Their Deputy Headmistress, visible red faced in the live feed, jumped in front of the camera to block the view and made a cutting motion on her throat. The two of them continued to laugh as the feed died away and Minerva stormed down the aisles of students handing out detentions like candy.


* I think I mentioned the real name of Remus' widow in an earlier chapter, but I can't find it. Calling her Mary for now. If anybody remembers where that info was, please let me know.

Also sorry for the first time uploading this chapter. Bit of an editing mistake.