DISCLAIMER: Obviously I don't own any of the characters in Harry Potter or anything belonging to Harry Potter World, it belongs to the only and only creator J.K. Rowling.
Entry Four:
January 04, 2001
This morning I woke up being held by my husband. I must have fallen asleep on the sofa. I snuggled close to him and inhaled his scent. How does this man always smell so good. It's a pleasant and light scents, if I could find a perfume or cologne that was in his scent, I'd wear it every day. I felt him tighten his hold around me and I knew he was awake. My husband kissed my temple, and I asked him what happen and why he was summon. Theo just took a deep breath and looked at me, I stared into his green eyes as he stared into my golden brown eyes, and started with, "Baby", I already knew something was going to happen. I was told I had to spend several days with Blaise in Italy. Then another blow was I or we had to go to dinner with the Malfoys.
So, for the rest of the damn day, I had to pack some of my shit, because first thing tomorrow morning, I have to leave with Blaise, while my husband goes on a mission for what, I don't know. Probably tracking people down. Like really, how much longer of this, like how many more lives need to be taken for "the cause"? I am sure my dear husband must go through this bullshit because of my stunt yesterday. I still giggle when I think about it. Although I don't think it's fair Theo has to deal with the consequences of my actions, but he does what he is told without any complaints or distain toward me. I asked him if it is alright for me to travel, he looked at me, and said you are not a prisoner love. You can go where you want. It sure as hell doesn't feel that way though, I looked down at the skinny shiny chains on my wrist and had an unpleasant feeling. At the very moment I wanted to scream into my pillow, but my husband's gaze was on me, I could feel it, I just looked at him and flashed him a smile. He knew I was struggling, so he gave me a tight hug and reassured me everything is going to be alright. I have a sense of relief, but I also question is it really going to be alright.
Fun fact, I met my husband for the first time at Malfoy Manor. Also another fun fact about me is I am not from England. I am a foreigner who transferred to Hogwarts my sixth year, or it would be consider junior year in high school in the states. I came to Malfoy Manor when I was 16 or so, in the middle of a study, where Draco, Blaise and Theo were playing their game. It is also where I met my werewolf friend Fenrir Greyback III. My former life at Malfoy Manor and even better, my room still right across Draco's and all my things are kept in order there.
Narcissa became a mother to me after I came here so many years ago, right off the bat, there was no hesitation of taking me under her wing and caring for me like her own daughter. So, at this evening's dinner, when I first walked into Malfoy Manor, the first thing I heard was crying. I never like to see her cry or sad, but apparently the sight of me was so much, she cried her eyes out. I just hugged her tightly and whispered to her I was fine and couldn't be better. You see, I haven't been to Malfoy Manor since I got married last year. It took stabbing Draco in the leg for me to come back "home". Mumsie was happy for that, which made me even more grateful, until I got nudged in the side for being a bit too cheerful over it. Dinner was good, Draco was sulking the entire time, his wife didn't want to eat with me. Hermione the golden girl despises me, which is fine, that's a story for another time. Lucius wasn't home, so our mum fussed over me, urgh. Draco demanded an apology, but I raised both my wrist to show my silver chains and he piped down. So, my suffering was being pulled around by Narcissa all evening, while my husband was with Draco in his study. Then I found out Fenrir is back in Norway, married and expecting. I am happy for him; he deserves to be happy and away from this mess. For a while we thought we were going to be an item, but I had so much blood on my hand, and completely fucked up. I couldn't burden him with that life, especially now in my state, it doesn't diminish how I think about my husband, because we had been together all along, it was more of what if's, could of, should of and would of. My body, heart and soul belong to my husband from the very first time he kissed me at Hogwarts down at the quidditch field. I had tea with Narcissa and she caught up with the gossip of the socialites, which went through one ear and out the other. When we were done, I went to Draco's study and barged in. They were in deep discussion, but I went straight to my husband and told him I was ready to leave. Draco tried to make a fuss about interrupting and having manners, as I pulled my husband out the door. We used the floo back home.
Now its 11:20 at night, thinking back on my day, it wasn't so bad. My husband is packing his travel bag, as I sit and watch him. I'm thinking back to the first time we officially met and all our interactions, he always been so gentle with me, patient, understanding, loving, and supportive. This is my husband, the side no one ever gets to see. The tall, handsome, intelligent, and insane man has always stood by my side, no matter what, he could of married some normal person, someone who was obedient and didn't have to worry about. Yet, he chose me. That is another reason I can fight with Draco, stab him in the leg, but he will always be by myside as well. All the more reason I need to get these shackles off. I'm not going to ruin the wonderful feelings I have right now by mentioning those damn things, that is for another time. When I have my dark days, I can spill the ugliness into these pages, and hopefully it slowly takes all the darkness away. I have a small flame of hope, a small flame my husband keeps lite with his gentleness and love. Love really does wonders in time of darkness, even in ones cold black heart. Slowly my Theo chips away the ugliness, wiping the greasy oily blackness that covers me. I will end on this note, until next time.
XO,
Mrs. Knott