Play Phineas and Ferb Theme Song
The wind blows multiple calendar pages into the air, starting on June 3.
There's 104 days of Summer Vacation
Then School comes along just to end it
Phineas and Ferb sit under a tree in their backyard.
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spend it
Cue montage of the boys doing multiple activities.
Like maybe
First, the boys land on the moon. They jump out of the rocket and float forwards.
Second, Phineas climbs on top of Ferb. They try to fight a mummy.
Third, they climb up a certain French tower.
Building a rocket or fighting a mummy
Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Fourth, Ferb removed a tarp to show a weird unicorn-turtle hybrid. Phineas takes a picture of it.
Fifth, the boys force a monkey into the shower. Neither of them enjoy this one.
Discovering something that doesn't exist
Or giving a monkey a shower
Sixth, they surf on a large wave.
Seventh, they create tiny robots.
Eighth, they find Frankenstein's monster. The brain is missing from the head. It doesn't take them that long to find.
Ninth, they find a bird.
Tenth, they fly on a helicopter with a large paintbrush over the city. They covered the city in orange paint.
Eleventh, the boys work on a painting. The painting depicts a red-headed girl with a mustache.
Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots, or locating Frankenstein's brain
Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent, or driving your sister insane
Turns out, this girl isn't actually a painting, but the boys' sister, Candace. She turns to Phineas angrily.
"Phineas!" she shouts.
The boys do multiple things, all the while their sister watches angrily.
Film a movie.
Build a giant robot dog.
Tamper with a car.
Ride a rollercoaster.
As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do before School starts this fall
Candace talks to a friend on the phone. She doesn't notice the boys carrying a live elephant into the backyard until she hears Phineas call out, "Come on, Perry!" That gets her attention.
Later, she's seen playing "Whack-a-Pest". The pests that pop out are her brothers and their pet platypus.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
Afterwards, the boys dance around and play guitar as images of the infinite possibilities flash by.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
When the boys are done, they pose. Their sister comes in.
"Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!" she shouts.
The boys stare at her for a second. They then brush it off and resume their poses.
End Intro
104 Days of Summer Vacation
Day 43
Finding Mary McGuffin
The Flynn-Fletchers were holding a yard sale. People came from all around the Tri-State Area to see what was available.
"Whoa, Lindana," said one person who found a Lindana record. "Now that's a blast from the past. I wonder where she is now."
Linda quickly snatched the record and the box it was in.
"Give me that," she demanded.
She then went back into the garage to grab more stuff. When she came out, she saw Phineas and Ferb were taking interest in certain items that were on sale.
"Hey Mom, what are these?" Phineas asked.
"Oh, those are your dad's old black-and-white detective movies," Linda explained.
"Do you mind if we watch them?"
"Not at all, boys. The projector's inside."
Linda set the box down on one of the tables. Someone quickly grabbed one of the things inside, a small doll.
"Oh, you like that doll?" she asked, before recognizing who the person was. "Heinz?"
In front of her was Heinz Doofenshmirtz, one of her many blind dates from her College years. He seemed just as shocked as she was.
"Linda?" he asked. "Never thought I'd see you again. So, how's it been since we… uh, you know?"
"It's been great," Linda replied. "My days of being a pop star are long gone, but I have a husband and three amazing children. What about you, Heinz?"
"It's been… alright. I have a family too. Well, I had one. My wife divorced me, and my daughter doesn't visit me often."
"Well, have you been trying to take over the Tri-State Area?" Linda chuckled at her own joke.
Heinz chuckled too. "Yep, but it hasn't turned out well. I try to do some crazy scheme every day, funded by my ex's alimony checks, but they're always foiled by some agent guy named Perry the Platypus."
Linda didn't think she heard that right. "Did you say, 'Perry the Platypus'?"
"Yeah. He actually is a platypus."
"That's funny. My sons own a platypus named Perry." Linda saw Perry nearby and picked him up to show Heinz. "Look familiar?"
Heinz looked deep into Perry's eyes. Linda could feel Perry shaking and sweating.
"No," Heinz eventually replied. "My Perry the Platypus always wears a fedora."
Linda swore she felt Perry sigh in relief. She didn't make a big deal out of it, though. She set him down and allowed him to wander back inside.
"Anyway, are you interested in that doll?" Linda asked, getting back on the previous subject.
"Yeah," Heinz replied. "How much does it cost?"
"Only fifty cents."
Heinz handed Linda a dollar. "Keep the change."
Phineas and Ferb watched one of the detective movies. They loved every second of it.
That's when Candace got in front of the screen.
"Phineas, Ferb, where's the box that was in my room?!" she asked.
"Well, Mom was taking boxes out to the yard sale," Phineas replied.
Candace ran outside and saw Linda.
"Mom, is this the box of things from my room?" she asked.
"Yes," Linda replied.
Candace quickly looked through it. "I think I put my Mary McGuffin doll in there by mistake. Have you seen her?"
"I just sold her for a whole dollar. Here, you can have it."
Linda was about to offer the dollar, but Candace just screamed.
Doofenshmirtz's Ex-Wife's House in the Hills Somewhere
Doof rang the doorbell. Vanessa answered.
"Dad?" she reacted. "What are you doing here? This isn't your weekend."
"I know," Doof replied. "But I have a surprise for you. It couldn't wait. It's something you've always wanted, something you asked for for a long time. In my hand, I hold the key to…"
Vanessa got excited. "My new car!"
"No, your happiness." Doof revealed the doll he bought from the yard sale. "Remember how you said if I got you a Mary McGuffin doll, I'd be the world's greatest dad?"
Vanessa wasn't very happy about this. "Yeah, when I was seven."
"Well, I finally found one. I have been scouring the internet, and garage sales, trying to find the discontinued doll."
Vanessa would never admit it aloud, but she felt genuinely touched. "Wow, I can't believe you remembered this."
"I may be an evil scientist, but it doesn't take buying a degree off the internet using your ex's money to know how special and important you are to me." Doof hugged Vanessa, but only for a moment. "Well, I better run. I bought a used inator today at the garage sale, and it's missing a part."
"Really? What does it do?"
"I don't know yet, but whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be pure evil."
A long time ago, Vanessa would've just rolled her eyes in annoyance, maybe try to bust him, but now, she could only admire the doll.
At least you're not evil, she thought to herself.
It was a dull, hot day in Danville. Candace swept into the room like a cool, tropical depression. Phineas could tell by the way she walked like she had something on her mind, likely intending to bust the boys for re-enacting the detective movie they saw earlier.
"What's going on here?" Candace asked, her voice flowing soft and smooth like butter on toast. "Why is the room black and white, why is Ferb playing jazz music, and why are you two dressed like detectives from the 20s?"
"We painted everything to look like an old detective movie," Phineas explained. "And we applied makeup so we fit in the scene."
Phineas could see the excitement on Candace's face building. This gave him a bad feeling.
"This is perfect!" she shouted. "I know what you're gonna do today. You're gonna help track down my Mary McGuffin."
"I don't know," Phineas replied, hesitant. "What have you ever done for us?"
Ferb glared at Phineas. Phineas felt a sting.
"Alright," he relented. "We'll find your Mary McGuffin before you can say 'Where's Perry?'"
Perry was already in his lair. Monogram was playing a game on his phone.
"Sir, Agent P is here," came Carl's voice.
"I can see that Carl," Monogram replied. "Now get back in that corner. There's still fifteen minutes left on that timer."
"Okay, sir."
Monogram turned to Perry. "Agent P, we just learned that Doofenshmirtz is scouring the Tri-State Area for some sort of on-off device."
"A switch," Carl corrected.
"Right, but we don't know what it's for, but we need your help. Good luck, Agent P."
A ball formed around Perry's chair. It rolled down a chute.
The sun beat down on the city like a hammer. A relentless hammer that was hot for some reason.
"Stop with the needless descriptions!" Candace yelled at the narrator.
The boys decided to investigate the scene of the crime. They talked to Linda, an average-sized, good-looking Joan who…
Candace glared at the narrator again.
Anyway…
"Is that Lawrence's old black-and-white saxophone?" Linda asked.
"We thought the investigation could use a little ambiance," Phineas explained.
"Delightful. How can I help?"
"We need you to tell us everything about the man who bought the doll."
"Oh, that was… an old friend, Heinz Doofenshmirtz. He had a German accent, and I'm pretty sure he was wearing a lab coat."
For an average Joan, Linda handed the boys an above-average clue. They knew where to look next.
"Who's saying that?" asked Linda.
"Don't get me started," Candace replied.
Play "Not so Bad a Dad"
Vanessa sat in her room, admiring the doll.
Vanessa:
You were a substandard dad, but the only one I had
I grew up hearing your evil scheming down the hall
But when I look at this thing, it makes me wanna sing
Maybe you're not so bad a dad after all
Vanessa thought back to certain embarrassing memories of Doof.
At my first ever swim meet, you stepped on the other team's feet
At my recital, you clapped louder than you should
But when you taught me how to drive, we actually made it home alive
I guess it's possible not every part of you isn't good
I know at times I would cringe, like when you wore all that fringe
And when you went out of that way to catch that foul ball
But this piece of plastic in my hand makes me finally understand
Maybe you're not so bad a dad, not so bad a dad after all
Vanessa put the doll on her shelf. She left the room and slammed the door. The doll fell next to a donation box.
End "Not so Bad a Dad"
Vanessa was talking to her friends on Discord in the living room.
"Vanessa," Charlene called. "Charitable Charities is here. Do you have your box ready?"
"Yeah, Mom," Vanessa replied. "It's on my bookshelf."
She saw Charlene head into her room, come out with the box, and hand it to the man at the door.
"Thanks, Char," the man thanked. "I'll pick you up at eight."
"See you then, Sam," Charlene replied.
The boys figured the best place to find a man in a lab coat was at the Lab Coat Emporium at the mall. They interviewed several suspects.
"Yes, I was at a garage sale," said one man who had a Southern accent. "But as you can hear, I don't have a German accent."
"Yes, I have an accent," said another who did have the right accent. "But I have not been to a garage sale."
"Hey, slow down," said a third. "I can't answer all these questions."
"Well, that wasn't very productive, was it?" Candace remarked.
The boys decided to talk with the owner.
"What do you know about a man in a lab coat with a German accent?" Phineas asked the owner. "Frequents garage sales?"
"That guy?" the owner replied. "I don't know anything about him?"
"Ferb, lean on him."
Ferb seemed a bit anxious to do it. He sweated a little and shook his head.
"I said, lean!" Phineas yelled.
Ferb sighed and leaned on the owner's shoulder.
"Alright, I'll talk!" the owner relented. "There's this guy who comes here every week looking for a lab coat, and he has me put everything on his ex-wife's tab."
The owner handed Phineas the address.
"Thank you for your help," Phineas said, returning to his usual kind demeanor. "You can wrap it up, Ferb."
Ferb started to bring the set down.
"Can I take off this makeup now?" the owner asked.
"I can't believe how lucky I was at that garage sale," Doof remarked. "Someone's personal collection of on-off switches. Score!"
Doof tried to fit different switches into the slot. None of them worked.
That's when he felt something hit him in the back of the head. He turned and saw Perry there.
"Perry the Platypus, how did you get in here?" he asked. "Do you have your own keys now?"
Perry noticed all the random items Doof had.
"Oh, you like those?" Doof asked. "I bought those at garage sales. Wanna know what else I got? This!"
Doof pushed a button, dropping a lobster cage over Perry.
"Anyway, I can't tell you my evil scheme," Doof went on. "I don't know what this does yet. I'm still looking for the right switch."
"Mom!" Vanessa screamed.
"Yes, dear?" Charlene asked.
"Have you seen my Mary McGuffin doll?"
"Could it be the one I put in the box for Charitable Charities?"
"Oh no. Dad gave that to me."
"I'm sorry. I didn't know. I think the truck's still out there."
Vanessa ran out. "Wait, Sam, I wanna retain a portion of my mother's charitable donation!"
The boys arrived at the house in the hills. Ferb saw Vanessa run by, but she was too fast, so he couldn't say hi.
Phineas knocked on the door. A woman answered.
"Excuse me," said Phineas. "We'd like to ask you a few questions."
"Are you with the census?" the woman asked.
"No ma'am. Today, we're detectives."
"Aren't you a little young to be a detective?"
Phineas was starting to lose patience. "If it's all the same to you, we'll ask the questions."
The woman chuckled. "Okay. Would you like some apple juice?"
"That would be nice."
Once they were inside, Phineas repeated the same routine as last time.
"Alright, lady, what do you know about the Mary McGuffin doll?" he asked before sipping some juice.
"You too?" the woman asked. "Like I told my daughter, I donated it to charity."
"And?"
"Well, that's it. The truck just left. They have a few locations in town, so I don't know which ones they're going to."
"Alright, Ferb, pack it up. We got some charities to visit, but we might need to update our approach."
The boys checked each Charitable Charities in Danville using every cop persona they could think of. In every case, it seemed they had the wrong location.
"Aren't you a little young to know about old detective movies?" asked one owner.
"Yes, yes we are," Phineas replied as he and Ferb put on sunglasses.
They both imagined themselves riding a speedboat down the river, all the while standing dramatically in their shades.
DOOFENSHMIRTZ EVIL INCORPORATED
"How many kinds of switches can there be?" Doof asked. "I mean, octagon, statue of liberty, that doesn't even make sense. Oh, here's one." Doof found a perfect fit. "This one fits, but it's upside-down. What kind of dummkopf would invent an upside-down switch…?"
Doof realized his mistake, and simply switched it rightside-up.
I don't know why I put up with this man, Perry thought to himself.
The devil and angel returned.
"Yeah, give up," said the devil.
"No, it's your job," the angel countered.
Perry nodded. You're right.
"Alright, time to find out what this bad boy can do," Doof smiled as he flipped the switch.
It just opened Perry's cage. Doof flipped the switch on and off until he realized it was just controlling the cage.
"Oh, that explains why I got the cage for free," he realized.
Perry grabbed Doof and threw him against some other stuff.
"Hey, I was talking!" he shouted as he grabbed a box of records. "Let's see if you can take a couple of hits… from the seventies!"
Doof threw records at Perry, but he dodged every single one. He then hit behind a clown painting.
"Oh, that takes me back," Doof said as he picked up the painting.
Perry was gone. Doof frantically looked around, then he felt something bite his butt. He turned and realized Perry used a shark's head to bite Doof.
"Seriously, are you trying to make me cry?" Doof asked. "Wait, the machine just opens and closes a lobster cage, so technically, I didn't do anything evil. Also, I've run out of clever fighting puns, so curse you, Perry the Platypus."
Perry gave a thumbs-up and left.
Candace found the doll on a shelf at one of the Charitable Charities. She grabbed it, only to feel someone else grab it as well. She turned and saw Vanessa.
"I'm sorry, but this is my doll," she said.
"Actually, it's mine," Vanessa replied. "It ended up here by mistake."
"You might think that, but it's not. I'm gonna have to ask you to let go."
"No, you let go."
"This is exactly why the doll's been discontinued," Ferb remarked.
Candace and Vanessa fell and dropped the doll. It landed in the hands of a nearby girl. She instantly fell in love with it.
Candace was about to snatch it back, but she noticed how much the girl wanted it.
"Oh, forget it," she decided. "I'm too old for dolls anyway."
"Yeah," Vanessa fake-agreed. "Maybe I don't need the one thing that my dad spent years to find to show me he truly cares. No, actually I do."
Vanessa took the doll and ran off, not caring that the girl was bawling her eyes out.
Doof was chopping up carrots for his dinner while talking to Vanessa on the phone. She just told him what happened earlier.
"So you just took it from a little girl and left her there crying?" he asked. "That's evil." A tear dropped as he continued. "I'm so proud."
A.N.
This was an episode I was looking forward to.
First off, it provides some character development for Vanessa, as she starts to see the good in her dad, and awakens the bad in herself. It also provides the second best Vanessa song, "Not so Bad a Dad".
One thing I feel I should mention was some of Ferb's behavior in this show, mainly when he was hesitant to do what Phineas said. I've gone on about giving Phineas flaws and an arc in this story, but I never really said the same for Ferb. A lot of fan-interpretations of Ferb portray him as the more mature one of the two brothers, so I decided to go with that idea.
I actually started writing this chapter before I switched it to "What Do it Do". The main reason for this is because that episode reveals that Doof dated Phineas and Candace's mother (causing many to believe Doof is their real dad until Povenmire personally jossed that theory). I wanted to include a scene in this chapter that shows Doof and Linda reuniting and catching up as a way of showing they both moved on from that part of their lives. As a result, I swapped the episodes, because I figured I needed to do "What Do it Do" first to provide proper context.
That's all I have to say. Thanks for reading.