Chapter 28 - Far From Any Road

Highway 85

It took very little encouragement for the group to jump in their cars in preparation to leave. Hershel joined his daughters and Glenn, leaving the rundown Silverado behind. Tess figured she would need to jump in with Carol and T and made to walk over to them when Daryl stopped her,

"Where ya' goin'?" She frowned at him quizzically and pointed towards the car. "Nah, get on." He all but demanded as he straddled the bike, shifting forward more than normal to give her room.

Tess hesitated for a moment, feeling a little uncertain but she didn't have to convince herself much before joining him. She stepped one leg over and tentatively wound her arms around Daryl's waist, not wanting to encroach too much. He started up the bike and the low rumble joined the hum of the other vehicles. Daryl directed them through the congestion until they were clear and then they pulled out into the front of their little convoy, heading south down the 85.

It felt good to be out in the open air, the wind whipping her hair out behind her and she understood why Daryl preferred the bike. She had expected him to be tense with her hands around him but he was surprisingly calm. Chancing it, she leant down, laying her head against his back and closing her eyes. He didn't flinch or pull away and so she stayed, enjoying the calm.

His body felt warm under her hands and she found her grasping the fabric of his shirt more firmly. Tess hadn't anticipated it but being so close to Daryl like this left her dealing with a huge wave of emotion that she couldn't quite handle. She felt overwhelmed and strung out. Her only saving grace was that Daryl couldn't see her as she began to break down behind him.

—

They drove for most of the day, only stopping for toilet breaks, until night fell and Rick decided they would need to set up camp for the evening. They were still on the highway when they pulled over into a small clearing. Their camp wouldn't be much of a camp with no equipment. The vehicles were used as a boundary and Rick and Glenn did a quick scope of the area for any walkers, only to return with firewood and clean weapons.

A small fire was soon lit and the meager amount of food that they did have was passed around to be shared. Tess turned it down though, unable to eat. Nobody really spoke for a long while, instead preferring to keep to themselves in their small, self appointed groups. Tess sat beside Daryl. All she wanted to do was sleep but she had a feeling that there were still things to be discussed.

Once the food was gone, Hershel wandered over to her to examine her neck.

"Do you mind if I take a look?" He asked her first. The bruising around her neck had worsened significantly throughout the day; something which Daryl had noticed whenever she stepped off the bike. Tess raised her chin in response and Hershel gently applied pressure to her neck, checking her throat for damage. She winced in pain, breathing in sharply as he traced her trachea. Hershel apologized and took his hands away.

"The bruising will take a while to go down but I don't think anything has been crushed. I'm sorry I don't have anything for the pain." Hershel told her and Tess shrugged, brushing him off.

"What did happen, Tess?" Carol asked curiously as Hershel walked back to his seat. Tess shifted uncomfortably, unsure how to answer and whether or not to tell the truth. She looked over at Rick for help.

"It was Shane." Rick admitted, almost instantly. "He tried to take Carl and she stopped him."

"Did you kill him?" Lori accused her so sharply that Tess was taken aback. Thankfully, Rick jumped to her defense again.

"No, I did." He told them and Lori looked up at him, horrified. "He was going to kill her. He was a danger to us all."

"He fuckin' had it coming." Growled Daryl from beside her, as he stared Lori down, daring her to argue.

Tess didn't have the fight left in her to retaliate to the unhappy look Lori was giving her. She for one, couldn't understand why Lori was so angry, when all she had done was look out for the woman's kid. She also couldn't bear the way everyone else looked at her like she was some kind of victim; it made her feel incredibly small.

As everyone else began talking more in depth about the situation with Shane and the others they'd lost, Tess zoned out. She couldn't actively listen to them discuss last night's events any longer. She didn't want to think about it. It made her far too anxious and she could feel the way her hands still trembled as she tried to hold it together. What she really needed was space from it all but Rick had made it abundantly clear to them all earlier that no one was to leave camp.

"What I don't understand is how Randall turned? He wasn't even bit?" T-Dog mused curiously, catching Tess' attention. It made all her buzzing thoughts freeze and a chill ran down her spine. She knew this would come up eventually but she hadn't anticipated that it would be now. She hadn't even known about what had happened with Randall.

"Maybe he was scratched? That'll do it, right?" Carol pondered, trying to find an explanation. Tess kept her head down.

"Nah, there wasn't anything. We checked." Daryl told her, also still confused by the situation.

Tess so badly wanted to say something but she couldn't even begin to tell them why let alone explain herself. Her throat constricted painfully as frustration threatened to spill out as tears. She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes to hold them back, acting as though she were merely holding her head.

"We're all infected." Rick murmured sullenly and the group fell silent, looking at him as though he couldn't be serious. "At the CDC, Jenner told me. Whatever it is, we all carry it."

The outcry from the group was immense but expected. Tess couldn't bear to look at their betrayed and outraged faces. She felt immensely guilty, knowing that she'd also kept this a secret from them. Her lack of reaction didn't go unnoticed either.

"Tess…" Glenn started slowly, "You knew too." It wasn't a question. "Your 'better safe than sorry' in the bar was just bullshit?" Tess finally looked up at him, unable to respond. Glenn looked hurt and it made her feel terrible knowing that she was the cause of that.

"How could you both keep something like that from us!" Cried Lori in outrage.

"We wanted to tell you but it was never the right time." Rick replied, withering under his wife's steely gaze.

"The right time?" Growled Daryl, on his feet now too. Tess turned her eyes back to her hands, unable to see the look of betrayal on his face too. "Try any fucking time!"

"I thought it was best that people didn't know." Explained Rick, accepting the brunt of the blame.

"That is not your call. Okay, when I found

out about the walkers in the barn, I told for the good of everyone." Argued Glenn as Maggie tried to hold him back.

Everyone was up, arguing loudly and berating Rick for taking this decision from them. Tess couldn't even come to his defense if she tried. She wanted to tell them all that they were wrong for blaming Rick. He'd done nothing but look out for them all and make the decisions that no one else could. Even his own wife was turning against him now.

"I am keeping this group together! Alive!" Rick shouted over them all. "I've been doing that all along, no matter what. I didn't ask for this! You think you can do better? Let's see how far you get. No takers? Fine. But let's get one thing straight, if you're staying, this isn't a democracy any more."

—

After Rick's sudden ultimatum, the group disbanded as far away apart as they possibly could. Their once tight knit unit felt so disjointed now that trust had been broken. Not only were they without a home, for most of them, it felt like the beginning of the outbreak all over again. Death was no longer final. One way or another, they would all become the same things they fought against.

Tess didn't move from the dying campfire. She didn't feel like her presence would be welcomed warmly by anyone else just now and so she watched as the last of the wood burned, alone. There hadn't been any discussion of a watch either, so she took it upon herself to do that.

She shivered against the cool, late Autumn air, telling herself that she needed to find a jacket sometime soon. Winter would be upon them soon enough and it would be brutal. She hugged her knees tightly to her chest for warmth and comfort.

The black hole of guilt and shame that swirled inside her felt all-consuming. She never wanted to betray anybody's trust. That was never her intention. Things had just gotten so out of hand that it had become the last thing on her mind. There was never a day where they had more than a moment's peace and they were so brief that it didn't seem right to ruin them. In hindsight, she should have just told everyone straight away. Part of her didn't want to acknowledge that it was real but she didn't need Randall as proof for that. She'd known since the hospital.

Soft crunching of leaves behind her made her whirl around with her knife drawn. It was far too stealthy to be a walker, she knew that but she was too jumpy right now to bother with distinguishing. Daryl walked towards her, his brow furrowed with frustration. Tess turned her back to him, waiting for him to inevitably explode at her. What he actually said, took her by surprise.

"I ain't mad at you." He told her as he sat down to her left, placing a bottle of water between them. "But you could'a told me." His tone was gentle but firm and Tess felt reassured that he was telling the truth. She looked up at him regretfully and nodded, accepting that she had made the wrong decision.

As though it were a peace offering, Daryl nudged the bottle of water towards her with the toe of his boot. Tess accepted it gratefully and with trembling hands unscrewed the lid. She took one quick swig and then poured water into her hands, using it to try scrub away the mess on her skin. She used the sleeve of her shirt to try to wipe the grime away but it was of no use. Wiping at her neck, she winced as her unsteady hand shook against the bruising. Tess just wanted it all to stop. For the pain, fear and anxiety to go away. It was exhausting.

Her feeble attempts to clean herself up were drawn to a halt when Daryl pulled her hand away from her face. He held it in both of his own but said nothing and simply waited for her to calm down. Just as it had last time, the contact helped to settle her nerves and bring her back down to reality. Whatever Daryl had said to her in the days prior meant nothing to her now. It was all forgotten.

Daryl only let go once her hands stopped shaking. He pulled out a bandana from his back pocket, drenched it with water and handed it to her. Tess was momentarily in awe of his thoughtfulness but knew she'd only make him uncomfortable if she made a big deal of it. She thanked him quietly and finally washed away the dirt and blood on her face and neck.

Once clean, she set the swatch of fabric aside and made the decision to remove her dog tags for the first time in a very long time. She slipped them off carefully, holding the tags in one hand and the chain in the other. It felt strange not to feel them around her neck, almost like a part of her was missing and she clutched them tightly.

"What's that?" Daryl asked curiously, eyeing the metal chain in her hand. Tess didn't know how to explain what this meant to her. It was her identity and the only thing left that connected her to her old life. It was an anchor and lately that anchor had been weighing her down too much.

Tess reached out and placed the tags into Daryl's hand. He examined them quietly, reading the imprints in the metal. Murphy. Theresa J. 9913578420. O Neg. No preference. She watched him turn them over in his hands and then slipped the chain back over her head when he handed it back to her.

—

The following week was rough and uncomfortable. The animosity that had built up overnight after they lost the farm was still strong. Many people kept to themselves, only speaking when necessary. There was no friendly chatter or playful ribbing, there was just the path ahead and surviving it.

For two days, Tess didn't speak to anyone other than Daryl on the odd occasion and Hershel when he checked her bruises and capability to speak. They drove for the entirety of each day, only stopping at night when they found somewhere safe to rest. After their night on the side of the road, they slept in the parking lot of an old warehouse. They didn't eat that night and Tess didn't think many people slept either. The following evening they set up camp in the front room of an old school diner. It had plastic red bar stools and booth seats, which were used for beds. They thankfully managed to find food there and made up for the previous night's lack thereof.

Tonight, they were pulling into a sleek, upmarket looking block of offices. The building was two floors and had a big sign out front, O'Neil & Mason Law Offices. As they parked around back, Tess imagined the type of people that probably worked here. They would have worn suits and skirts with heels, sat behind a desk with mountains of paperwork and driven expensive cars to keep up appearances. It was polar opposite to the life she had lived and to the one those people were potentially living now.

Everyone was exhausted and tired of the division that had grown amongst them. Yet no one had taken Rick up on his offer to leave. They continued to watch each other's backs, even if they weren't yet on speaking terms again. It was a reassuring thought to know that they all weren't too far gone.

It didn't take much to break through the front door. It seemed like the place had been left as if it were any other day and the staff had just gone home for the evening. No doors were barricaded, no windows boarded up. It was like time had stood still on this very plot of land. It was almost eerie. If it weren't for the thick layer of dust over everything, it'd be easy to think they'd stepped back in time.

"Glenn, T-Dog, Tess, you guys take down here. Keep it quiet; no guns." Rick instructed, pointing to the three of them. "Daryl, with me. Everyone else waits here until it's clear." No one argued but the look on Maggie's face said all it needed to to let Rick know she wasn't happy about being sidelined. Nonetheless, she waited quietly with everyone else at the front of the building until they were given the all-clear.

Tess felt a bit apprehensive. She still hadn't spoken to Glenn and she knew he was upset with her. But they had a job to do and that had to take priority. Rick and Daryl headed upstairs and out of view, leaving the three of them to check the rooms downstairs.

"You find anything you can't handle on your own, don't be a hero." Tess reminded them in a low whisper. T-Dog nodded but Glenn gave her a dour look. She ignored him, now wasn't the time. Without another word they ventured into the darkened lower floor and fanned out to cover more ground.

Ever so slightly, Tess cracked open a door to a room labeled 'Conference Room A'. It was empty, apart from a long boardroom table and a half dozen chairs. She backtracked and continued on down the hallway, checking rooms and storage cupboards as she went. Just like the conference room, they were all empty as though they were the first ones to step foot in the building since the outbreak.

The final room in front of her was the men's bathroom. Like all the other doors, it was light gray but it had one distinct and chilling difference. A smeared, bloody handprint was visible even in the pitch black and Tess tentatively pushed open the door. She crept in quietly, peering into the dim room; the last of the day's light streaming through a tiny window in the far wall. The door was heavy and didn't creak but there was a soft sound of air rushing into the room as the door released. One side of the room was lined with sinks opposite a wall of urinals and toilet stalls. As she stalked towards the cubicles, she spotted a foot sticking out from under one of the doors. The foot was booted and the shoe dirty and it was all she needed to confirm that they weren't the first to seek shelter in this building after all.

Tess kicked at the foot, waiting to hear a groan or a growl but she was met with silence. The body in the stall was dead. She thought she would have felt relieved but she really only felt saddened. She certainly hoped she wouldn't be left to die in a bathroom stall one day. Morbid curiosity got the better of her and Tess looked inside. Slumped to the side of the toilet bowl was an older man, possibly forties or fifties. His torso and hands were covered in dark, dried blood and the wall behind his head was sprayed the same color. On the floor, written out in the man's own blood were the words;

Don't trust Joe

Don't be

claimed

It was a sinister message that made her feel uneasy but it also made no sense to her. Whoever this Joe guy was obviously had a role to play in the man's death. Tess hoped he was far gone now and that their paths would never cross. She looked away for the eerie message and spotted the man's gun. He definitely wouldn't be needing that anymore. She crouched to pick it up and checked the chamber and mag before putting the safety back on. The gun was covered in blood and so she reached across the dead body and tore off some sheets of toilet paper to clean it with. It felt a little callous to disregard this person so thoughtlessly but Tess couldn't allow herself to be sensitive about it. It wasn't someone she knew and it wasn't worth her energy to be upset by it.

She left the stall and took the gun to one of the sinks to clean it. As she wiped it down, she did her best to avoid looking at herself in the mirror but the glimpses of her disheveled appearance continued to draw her eye. Her hair was a tangled mess that had now been permanently left in a braid to prevent it from getting any worse. Bags lined her eyes but for once, her face wasn't covered in dirt or blood. The bruising around her neck was only a faint smattering of yellows and greens now and barely visible in the dark. Over the last day or so, she'd finally been able to talk normally again and it was nice to not be reminded of Shane every time she tried to speak.

The soft sound of the bathroom door opening made her finally look away and toward the sound. Glenn walked in, stone faced and with his knife raised, having spotted the blood on the door as well. He fell short when he spotted Tess at the sink and sighed.

"Walker?" He inquired cooly and Tess shook her head.

"Dead body."

Glenn gave her a short nod and turned to leave.

"Glenn, can you hold on a sec?" She asked urgently, moving towards him.

"What do you want?" He replied and his tone was so unlike him that it made her nervous.

"I want to apologize."

"What good is apologizing?" Scoffed Glenn tersely, "Are you sorry that you couldn't trust us or sorry that we found out you'd been keeping a secret?"

"It was never a matter of trust, Glenn. I do trust you, you know that." Tess implored but he wasn't convinced.

"Do I?"

"Glenn, please, I get that you're angry but you have to understand-"

"Understand what, Tess? That you thought you knew what was best for us? That you and Rick decided that you could make that call for all of us? How the hell are we supposed to trust anyth-"

"Jesus Christ, Glenn, I was scared!" She nearly shouted, cutting him off. "I knew it was true, it wasn't just a theory and it fucking terrified me. We are all going to become one of those things… I don't want to become one of those things. I'm sorry. I was selfish, I realize that now."

Glenn looked a little stunned by her outburst but then contemplative as he reflected on her words.

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"I accept your apology. But don't keep secrets from us anymore, alright?"

"I promise."

—

Tonight was the first night since the farm where there didn't feel like there was any friction in the group. It was the first night on the road where they'd all sat together for the evening and it was nice to finally feel like they were getting back to normal. Carol and Lori had found some food in the upstairs kitchen cupboards when they were given the all-clear and they now were all finishing up a dinner of granola bars and Kraft singles.

Lori's bump was starting to become visible now and Tess was certain that everyone had to be aware by now. It put them all under a lot of pressure to make sure they found somewhere safe and secure for her to manage the pregnancy. All this moving around and stress wasn't good for her or the baby.

"I miss my bed." Beth groaned petulantly out of the blue and it took them all so by surprise that most of them chuckled.

"So do I." Maggie agreed, "I miss the chickens." She continued and sent a small smile Glenn's way, causing him to blush. Tess smiled at them both, recalling Glenn's sticky egg situation. It made her think of Dale and she wished he were here with them.

"I miss Friday night football." Groaned T-Dog as he laid back against the wall. "Buffalo wings, man… I'd kill for some buffalo wings."

"I miss pizza…" Glenn added, keeping in theme. "I don't miss delivering pizzas though." Tess laughed, finding it hard to imagine Glenn delivering pizzas for a living.

"What do you miss, Tess?" Beth giggled lightly and smiled at her brightly. Tess was a little dumbstruck for a second, not really sure what to say. What mundane, old-world things did she miss?

"Uh… Books and music? I guess?"

"Nerd." Glenn teased her light-heartedly and she rolled her eyes at him. "Daryl, what about you?" Glenn asked and Tess, grateful for the fact that the attention was no longer on her, turned to look at Daryl.

Daryl just shrugged and shook his head, not able or unwilling to give them an answer. Glenn huffed,

"What's wrong with you two? Didn't you do anything fun?" He admonished them both playfully and Maggie whacked him on the shoulder, scolding him.

"What? Is pizza fun?" Tess jeered back and Glenn stared at her, slack-jawed.

"Hell yeah pizza is fun!"

—

Daryl was the first to take watch. There was a corner office on the upper floor that was mostly encased with windows. It was an excellent lookout spot and gave them a view of the front and side of the building.

The rest of them were all sleeping on the ground floor; or at least in Tess' case, trying to sleep. She couldn't stop thinking about the body in the bathroom for some reason. The message on the floor was bizarre and while she didn't think it was important or affected them, it definitely had her a little creeped.

She'd told the others about the dead body of course and the bathroom was off-limits now. Thankfully there was another one upstairs that they could use when nature called.

Tess tried her best to keep her tossing and turning to a minimum but no amount of box breathing or counting sheep was putting her to sleep. She didn't want to be the one to disturb others from the rarity of sleep, so she quietly crept up onto her feet and left the room. It was hard to tell what the time was but if she had to guess it was probably very early morning.

Tess walked up the stairs and over to the corner office to Daryl, deciding to keep him company through his watch. Rick was meant to take over next but that man had been sleeping even worse than her lately and could do with all the rest he could get. It was clear as day the amount of stress he was under and Tess felt for him. His wasn't an enviable position.

"Hey." She greeted Daryl softly as she walked into the office. He looked over at her and shuffled upright into a less slouched position.

"Mind if I join you?" She asked, not really waiting for him to say yes or no and taking a seat opposite him.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked.

"Nah, not tonight. Have things been quiet?" She responded, looking out through the window.

"A couple walkers out on the road but nothing to worry about." He shook his head and Tess looked over at him. Daryl never let on that he was tired or fatigued but even he was starting to look drained.

"You can uh-, go rest if you want? I'll take over here." She offered and Daryl frowned,

"I thought Rick was on watch next?"

"He is. Was. But he's burnt out and needs the rest. I don't mind."

"I'm good." Daryl told her unsurprisingly and then hesitantly continued, "But uh- thanks." Tess smiled and nodded at him, appreciating that he was trying to be more forthcoming.

She leant her side against the window and gazed out at the night sky. The moon was a bright white orb sitting high amongst the stars like a beacon. It was a view you'd see only in movies and it made her smile to herself.

"The one good thing to come out of all of this, is that." She said in wonder, tapping against the glass as she pointed at the moon. "No light pollution."

Daryl nodded absently in agreement as he watched her watch the night sky. The moonlight cast a pale, shining aura around her that had him captivated. It was an unusual sense of admiration and awe that he'd never come across before. Daryl cleared his throat in embarrassment as he heard Merles mocking laughter in the back of his mind.

"Yeah, can't complain about that." Tess mused to herself, none the wiser to his inner turmoil.

"You and Glenn seem to be friends again." Daryl pointed out, shifting topic and drawing her attention back to him. Tess nodded, thankfully.

"We talked it out. I can't blame him for being angry. I shouldn't have hidden that from you all."

"Rick knew too. This ain't all on you."

"I know that. But if Glenn was going to be angry with anyone about it, I'm glad it was me."

"Why?"

"Rick's got enough on his plate right now. He's exhausted and stressed, I mean we all are, but with all the stuff that went down on the farm with Shane and now having to worry about all of us, not to mention Lori's situation right now. He has plenty to worry about without people being mad with him over one bad decision."

"Well, it's about time people moved on anyway. What's done is done."

"I think for the most part people have. But it'll take time to rebuild trust."

Daryl looked contemplative for a moment as he reflected back on something. Tess felt tempted to ask what was on his mind but knew that he'd tell her only if he wanted to. She'd just have to be patient but she didn't have to wait very long.

"Carol tried to convince me to lead the group over Rick." Daryl confessed, "Said we couldn't trust him to keep us safe." It took her by surprise and she furrowed her brow in stunned confusion.

"Really? When did she do that?"

"That night after the herd. Told me I was just one of Rick's henchmen and that I deserved better."

"What?" Tess scoffed incredulously, "You're not a henchman. Rick relies on you because you have the strength to lead, not because you have the ability to follow orders."

"I can't lead this group." Daryl shook his head, eyes downcast.

"I beg to differ. Being capable and not wanting to are two different things. I don't blame you for not wanting to; I wouldn't want to either. Carol was right about one thing though. You do deserve better; better than what you think yourself capable of. I think you're more than what you've been told you are."

Daryl fell silent. He didn't know where that had come from or what he'd done to encourage her to think in such a way. His entire life, no one had ever laid their faith in him or believed in him as much as she appeared to right now. This woman that had known him for only a short number of months spoke as if she saw something in him that no one else ever had. Truth be told, it almost made him feel panicked.

She looked at him like no one else has ever looked at him. Like she saw him for who he was and not for who he made himself out to be. It left him feeling vulnerable. His hardened facade, that was years of work in the making, failed to keep her away. And for that… he was glad. He didn't want her to go away. It was nice to finally have someone by his side that was actually on his side.

"So what do you miss?" Tess asked him suddenly, catching him off guard.

"Huh?" Daryl grunted, uncertain if he'd missed her talking while he was trapped in his thoughts.

"Earlier, Glenn asked you what you missed and you didn't answer. Everyone's gotta miss something, even if it's not all that fun." She chuckled, trying to alleviate any pressure or expectation that she was expecting a meaningful answer.

Daryl thought about it long and hard, trying to recall anything at all that was important to him. Something that he'd want to go back to his old life for just to have it one last time. It was with somber realization that he knew there was nothing. Had he maybe been asked that question a month or so earlier, he would've said Merle but now, with her, he knew that Merle wasn't good for him. He'd always be his brother and if he could bring him back, he would but Daryl had no desire to return to his old life just for him.

"I have everything I need."