Chapter 45 - The Seventh Circle

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She'd been here before. Tess recognized the fire that burned in the stone bordered pit and the nearby water that reflected the glittering stars overhead. She knew the sound of the crackling fire and the silence it cut through among the darkness. Except this time, she couldn't feel the heat from the flames or the cool breeze that drifted from the lake. The blazing glow dissipated into the night air and filled her lungs with acrid smoke but even then it didn't warm her.

"Someone should've brought a guitar." Marcus' voice pulled her out of the flames and she stared at him in surprise. She had just been alone. Hadn't she?

"None of us can play guitar, idiot." Dinah rolled her eyes at him, pulling her black hair free from its knot and pushing at the kinks.

"I can play." He protested and Tess felt her head shake 'no' of its own accord, like it wasn't hers to control.

"Playing Smoke on the Water, on repeat, does not mean you can play guitar." Tess spoke lacklusterly, "It's like four chords." Her words didn't feel like her own. They were rehearsed, as if someone else had written them for her and she was forced to repeat them.

"I beg to differ." Marcus replied, unperturbed by her confusion. "And it's eight chords by the way. Eight."

"Right, sorry, Jimi Hendrix." Tess repeated her lines that she'd learned from some distant memory and they sounded hollow and lifeless but it had no impact on her friends at all.

"If I recall correctly, you seem to quite enjoy some mediocre guitar playing anyway. It won you over last week at the-"

"Okay, I'm going to stop you there." She interrupted him but her cheeks that once burned with embarrassment were ice cold. She could hear Nate beginning to laugh beside her and she turned to see him sitting beside her, alive, well and happy.

"Hey! Don't take it out on me!" He laughed and flinched away from her elbow that had gone flying into his ribs on its own accord.

Tess stared at her three friends, all full of life and joy in front of her but all most certainly dead. She felt tears well in her eyes and with a blink they spilled and her friends were gone. In their place, a hunched shadow sat opposite her, obscured by the raging fire. She rose and it rose with her.

"Hello?" She called out in a voice that sounded much more like her own.

"Hello?" The shadow echoed, adopting a voice that she normally took comfort in.

"Daryl?"

The figure moved towards her, into the fire and she stumbled back as the inferno grew around them. Unscathed and malevolent, The Governor stepped forth from the flames and grabbed her by the shoulders. His hands were scalding and she could almost smell her burning flesh as his fingers buried into her skin. Two black eyes remained fixed on her as the hands dragged her into the flames and she finally set alight.

Tess threw herself upright in fright. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she'd already wrapped her arms around herself in an attempt to stave off the feeling of her skin burning. Even in the dark, she could tell that she was in a room that wasn't her own. When she felt movement beside her she remembered where she was. While still trying to catch her breath, Tess looked down at Daryl and found him awake, regarding her silently.

"Sorry," She breathed, "I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't." He said. Even if she had, it wouldn't have mattered but Daryl had been very much awake. "You wanna talk about it?" He asked and propped himself up on his side.

"Are you going to tell me what's been keeping you up?" Tess countered, not meaning to be snappy but she was still a bit on edge. Daryl sighed and bowed his head.

"I keep thinkin' 'bout the Big Spot." He muttered regretfully.

Tess' tense shoulders slumped as she took in the shame that was etched into his face. She lay back down and placed a gentle hand on his forearm.

"None of what happened is your fault." Tess assured him but none of the creases in his forehead disappeared.

"The kid shouldn't have even been there."

"Zach wasn't a kid, Daryl. He knew what the risks were and-"

"That's not what I mean."

"What do you mean then?"

"I told him to go. When the roof came down, I told him to leave but he stayed to help me with Bob."

"What happened to Bob?"

"Shelf fell down on him. That's what brought the walkers in."

Tess recalled the sudden crash and the sound of glass breaking. An entire grocery shelf fell down on him? How did he manage that? She was already inclined to be suspicious of Bob and all sorts of conclusions began forming in her head. Terrible coincidence? Maybe. Unfortunate mishap? Possibly. Miscalculated maneuver? Most likely. Only question she couldn't come up with an answer to was: what was so damn important that he risked toppling the shelf for?

"I'm glad Zach stayed to help you. If it weren't for him, who knows what could have happened." Tess confessed and Daryl squinted at her in disapproval.

"I ain't more important than him." He argued with grim conviction.

"You are to me." She whispered and her hand moved from his arm to his chest.

She felt his breath pick up and the rise and fall of his chest quickened beneath her palm. Slowly but surely, her hand drifted up to the side of his face and the intensity of his eyes softened, becoming less frustrated and ireful.

"Whoever it is, whatever the case," Tess continued nervously, "I'd choose you every time."

The look on Daryl's face was something completely indiscernible. Concern, confusion, admiration, sadness? They all disappeared so quickly that she had no time to determine his thoughts or feelings. The longer he stewed over her words, the more nervous she grew in his silence. Her hand fell away from his face and she tucked it into herself self-consciously.

"That was really scary to say so if you could say something, I'd really appreciate it…" She muttered, barely making volume. Her eyes shifted nervously, all the while panicking that she'd said too much.

"If it's you or me," Daryl began with a gruff tone, "don't choose me."

"How am I-"

"Promise me."

"I can't. Could you?" Tess asked and her question remained unanswered. "Don't ask me to do something you wouldn't."

It caught her by surprise when Daryl's hand found the back of her head and he drew her into him. Not to kiss her but to hold her - he pulled her into his chest and his chin rested atop her head. Tess could hear his heart beating steadily and she closed her eyes to listen to the drum. It was warm and safe here. The only port in a storm she'd ever need. She forgot all about her disturbing dream and any hesitancy she had to revisit sleep. Tess drifted off in the harbor of his arms and Daryl saw the rest of the early morning through, awake and full of anxieties.

—

Tess set out with Maggie and Michonne after breakfast. Their attempt at raiding the Big Spot had been a major bust and in failing so, it had cost them crucial supplies that they were in dire need of. Being more hospitable meant more mouths to feed, among other things. The three of them had decided to take on an unfinished housing development about an hour's drive away. Glenn, Daryl and Tyrese were going to head back into town to see if they would have any luck with some of the smaller stores.

Lounging in the backseat of the Dodge, Tess toyed with an arrow head while waiting to reach their destination. Maggie had been voicing her concern about Glenn and the others heading into town again so soon. Tess was inclined to agree with her but it didn't change the fact that they needed provisions and there was a limited amount of places where they could get them from.

"Maggie, Glenn will be fine." Tess reassured her for a final time, "They'll all be fine."

"Sorry, you're right. You're totally right." Maggie exhaled loudly. "I just can't help but worry."

"Trust me, I know." She told her, thinking nothing of it. She was worried for them all but, like Maggie, she too had her own specific person she worried about most.

Maggie and Michonne shared a look between them that Tess missed and she cut herself on the arrow head when Michonne asked her something unexpected.

"So, since when have you and Daryl finally accepted that you have feelings for one another?" Tess hissed in pain and gawked at them in surprise.

"Huh?" She replied stupidly.

"You don't hug us like that." Michonne countered, recalling how Tess had thrown herself at Daryl yesterday when he emerged from the store.

"Glenn told me all about it." Maggie added, "Spill."

Tess had a feeling that no matter what she said, Maggie wouldn't let up until she confessed. They'd had a good run, keeping the two of them just between them for as long as they had. It was only a matter of time before people started asking questions - like Zach had, only now there was no way he'd be sharing that information with anyone...

"A month." Tess admitted sheepishly.

"A month!" Maggie shrieked, "A whole month?! And you never said anything? Why didn't you tell me?" She sounded hurt and Tess winced regretfully.

"It's Daryl." Was the best answer she could provide. Maggie seemed to understand too and she settled back into her chair.

"So what, you guys talked about it?" Michonne asked, noticeably calmer than Maggie.

"Yeah… Talked…" Tess trailed off cagily and Maggie spun around in her chair to face her.

"Tess! You had sex?!"

"Again, Maggie, I'm not a virgin." She replied coolly, however her cheeks were significantly more red than when the conversation began.

"But you and Daryl, together. The both of you."

"That's generally how it works, yeah."

"When?!"

"A month ago."

"Oh my God, I don't believe you!"

"Will you calm down please, I feel like you're going to give yourself acid reflux."

Maggie dramatically seated herself back in her chair with a huff. Tess wasn't sure if she was scared or amused. She never expected Maggie to be that invested in their situation and it did leave her feeling a touch guilty for keeping it a secret.

"How was it?" Michonne inquired after a few short minutes. Maggie perked up again and a wickedly proud smile crept onto Tess' face.

"Good. Like, really good." She grinned like a fool and the three of them laughed.

Tess didn't think she had been burdened by keeping their relationship quiet but it felt like a relief finally letting her friends know. No doubt she'd get an earful from Sasha much like she had with Maggie but she could live with that. Secretly, it was quite nice knowing that other people were that invested in the two of them. It made her confident in the fact that her and Daryl were right. Not in the way of fate or destiny, she didn't have much faith in any of that, but by some fortunate happenstance they were right for one another in a world that was so perpetually wrong.

The housing development they drove into had no more than forty houses and three acres of empty land. It was still in the very early stages of its expansion. The streets were empty and they idled to a stop at the end of Galbraith Lane, waiting to see if any walkers would be drawn in by the sound of their car.

"This is a bit creepy…" Tess muttered just loud enough to be heard over the engine.

"It's too quiet." Maggie agreed.

"Did people even live here?" Michonne wondered, considering just driving away.

"There's flower decals in the window," Tess pointed to the upstairs window from a house across the street, "looks like a kids room. People definitely lived here."

"Alright then." Michonne turned the car off. "Shall we start on this side?"

Had any of them looked up at the window any longer, they might have noticed a figure passing by but they didn't. Their focus was already elsewhere - on the quiet street and the houses opposite.

They began clearing the houses together - knocking on the front doors and listening for any movement, sweeping the rooms one by one and making sure the houses were clear before rummaging for supplies. Some of the homes still had half-empty moving boxes sitting in the garage from families still in the process of moving in. They had no need for crockpots or encyclopedias though, so most of the unpacked boxes they left untouched.

There wasn't much left in the kitchens but the few cans that they did find, they carried out to the car. They took some blankets and bedding, cleaning supplies and gardening tools and stored them in the trunk too. By the time they reached the end of the first side of the street, they had plenty of homewares but not very much food. Because they hadn't run into any trouble nor seen any walkers inside or out, they decided to take on the rest of the houses individually to speed things along.

Tess threw a box of candles into the backseat and set off for the house she'd pointed to earlier. She rapped her knuckles on the door and pressed her ear to the wood, waiting patiently with bated breath. This place was a ghost town and like all the others, the house made no noise. The door handle turned without issue when she tried it and she cautiously stepped inside. Tess walked into a small foyer, the living room to her left and kitchen to her right. She peeked into each room only to find them empty and then crept down the hall, checking every closed door as she went.

At the end of the hall, she pushed open the drawn door to the bathroom. A bay window above the bath filled the room with light and against the painfully white porcelain of the vanity was a striking shade of red. Above the blood smeared vanity, the mirror was smashed and an empty water bottle laid crushed among the glass. Tess tiptoed to the sink and touched it - still wet. Instinctively, she put her machete away, traded it for the gun and slipped silently out of the room.

Keeping tight to the wall, she sneaked upstairs. There were three doors at the top of the landing: one directly to her right as she reached the top, she cracked it open just to find it was only a linen cupboard. The next door, opposite the banister, was adorned with a small wooden sign, 'Daisy' embossed in big yellow letters. She pushed the door open slowly with the toe of her boot and entered the room with her gun at the lead.

The double bed at the center of the bedroom was shrouded with a pink and blue mesh canopy that hung from the ceiling. Through the fabric, Tess could see a woman and a child laying on the bed, unmoving. As she crept closer, she could tell that their skin was starting to grow pale and blue, the way it did when the body was deprived of oxygen. She lowered her gun and pulled the netting aside with a somber sigh.

She felt no pulse against the mothers wrist but her skin was still warm. The young boy beside her, younger than Carl, was warm still as well. They'd died recently. Tess began to grow suspicious when she found no visible bite marks or plausible cause of death; what she did find though was a pillow discarded between them. She reached over for it and as her fingers touched-

"Get away from them!"

Tess jumped back from the bed and lifted her gun to point at the man in the doorway. His frame looked too small for him and his clothes looked like they carried weeks worth of dirt and grime. His dirty blonde hair was long and shaggy and his eyes were crazed with paranoia. He carried a sawed-off shotgun and had it pointed directly at her.

"Put the gun down." Tess directed him calmly, noticing the way his bloody hands trembled.

"Get away from them." He repeated thrusting the firearm at her and she shuffled away from the bed as instructed.

"I'm not here to hurt you." She told him and tentatively placed her gun back in its holster but left it unlatched. "Or them."

"You can't hurt them." The man said, his glassy eyes drifting between her and then bed. "Not anymore."

"What's your name?" She asked him, noticing how he became increasingly unsteady the longer he looked away from her. "I'm Tess."

"You have kids?" The man asked her, ignoring her question but still keeping his gun trained on her.

"No. No I don't."

"That's my son." His lip trembled and his voice cracked.

"What's his name?"

"Lukah."

"Is that Lukah's mother?" Tess pried, trying to keep him talking as she slowly inched her way closer.

The man's shoulders heaved, rising and falling faster and faster as he got trapped in the sight of his family.

"It wasn't fair." He grunted through clenched teeth and his top lip curled in anger.

"What wasn't fair? What happened here?"

Tess froze on the spot when he finally looked at her again. His eyes were wild and crazed and she prayed to whoever was listening that he hadn't noticed that she'd gotten any closer. One nervous slip of the finger and she'd be painting the walls.

"I saved them!" He shouted at her, pulling the gun tightly against his shoulder. "I saved them!"

"Saved them from what?" Tess took a step back, her heart racing in fear.

"From this! This life! What kind of life is this?!"

"This is not all there is out there-"

"There is no life anymore!"

"Look at me." Tess spoke as calmly as her panicking brain would let her, "I'm clean, healthy. There's more out there than this."

For the first time since he'd entered the room, the man looked at her properly. He actually saw her. Not as some demon or his enemy, a real, living and breathing person. The manic look in his eyes faded away and she saw the amount of pain and sadness he was harboring within.

"We have a place. Somewhere you'd be safe. Somewhere you could have a life." She said in a soothing tone and the man slowly lowered his gun. His eyes trailed over to the bed and the bodies of his family and tears fell from his eyes when he shook his head.

"I-I can't." He muttered shamefully. "I killed them. I don't have a life anymore."

His eyes tore away from his family for a final time and he stared at her while he raised the shotgun to his chin. Tess lunged for him.

"No, no, no, don't-!"

He pulled the trigger before she could reach him and his blood splattered her face as his head exploded in front of her. Like they'd both been shot, she crumbled to the floor along with him. Her ears were ringing. She could taste metal in her mouth. Her chest ached as she struggled for air and the room spun around her, like a tornado intent on swallowing her whole. All she could see were the daisies in the window as she lay flat on her back and all she could remember when Michonne and Maggie came to find her was the man's head exploding right in front of her.

—

The car ride back to the prison was a blur. At some stage, very early on in the journey, Tess had torn her boots and socks from her feet and hugged her knees to her chest so tightly that her arms ached. Maggie kept trying to talk to her, she could hear her asking if she was okay but she was afraid that if she tried to speak that she might be sick. She wanted to get out of the car - the constant vibration and motion was wreaking havoc on her insides.

When they finally pulled up to the prison and came to a stop, Tess threw her door open, stumbled out onto the gravel with her bare feet and wretched up everything she had in her. She felt a hand on her back and she allowed Michonne to lift her to her feet.

"Let's get you inside." She told her and led her indoors.

Tess made no fuss and Michonne left her to sit at one of the tables in the common room of Cell Block C as she went to fetch Hershel. People had been staring at them as they walked up to the building, some of them had asked what had happened but Michonne remained tight lipped. When she returned with Hershel and Carol by her side, Tess was painfully scrubbing at her face, trying to get the blood off with her fingers.

"Here." Hershel offered her a clean handkerchief and she accepted it gratefully. "Are you hurt?"

"No." Tess shook her head. "No."

"What happened?" Carol asked with concern.

Michonne did her best to tell them what little, albeit gruesome, information she'd been party to but they'd dragged Tess out of there so fast, she wasn't entirely sure what they'd walked in on. Tess tried to come up with the words to explain what had gone down in the upstairs bedroom but it was all so surreal that she wasn't able to. Her thoughts kept running between the memory of the young boy, Lukah, and his mother and their pale blue skin that grew more and more discolored as she thought about it, and the horrifically devastating look in the man's eyes seconds before he killed himself. Tess dropped her head between her knees as nausea started bubbling up again from the images in her head.

Carol left to fetch her some water and Hershel handed it to her along with a small white pill.

"What is this?" Tess breathed, watching it tremble in her hand.

"Ativan." Hershel replied and she left it on the table.

"I'm not taking that."

"It'll help."

"I really don't care."

"Tess, I know-"

"I don't offer you alcohol." She snapped, "So don't give me that shit."

Hershel grew quiet and relented, removing the medication from the table. He had only been trying to help but he didn't know how long it had taken her to be able to say no like she just had.

"I'm sorry." She apologized while getting to her feet, "I appreciate you wanting to help but I'll be just fine without it."

"Okay." Hershel nodded, "If you change your mind, let me know."

"Sure." She lied and he knew it.

Hershel had to give her props for not once giving into temptation though; lord knows she'd had ample opportunity to do so. It was an admirable strength which he wished he'd had instead of caving to the call of Hatlin's Bar. He watched Tess leave for her cell, barefooted and subconsciously picking at her nails, while he packed the pill bottle away in his medicine bag again.

Unpacking the car, Maggie was shaken up. Even now, she still didn't know what to make of the scene that they'd run into. She'd been the one to suggest splitting up in the first place - she wanted to return home and see Glenn safely back at the prison, even though he had yet to return. After hearing the single gunshot, she'd been consumed by a horrific dread that she still couldn't shake. None of the terrifying scenarios that she'd imagined matched what they'd found upstairs.

At first, seeing Tess collapsed on the ground and convulsing, they thought she had been shot but none of the blood was hers. Brain tissue and blood was splattered on her face and neck, on the door frame, the carpet and banister in the hallway. Recalling what was left of the man's obliterated head made her shudder. She'd be having nightmares about it for weeks, she was certain. If someone did themselves away in front of her like that man had done with Tess, she'd probably have nightmares about it for the rest of her life.

Maggie sat on the rear bumper of the car feeling awfully guilty and sick to her bones. She thought about going inside to check on Tess when she heard the gate to the prison open and a car began driving up the dusty road towards her. She jumped to her feet expectantly, spotting Tyrese and Daryl in the front. When the car rolled to a stop and Glenn climbed out of the back seat, she ran to him and flung herself into his arms.

"Hey!" Glenn chuckled, oblivious to her inner turmoil. Tyrese and Daryl joined them outside the vehicle and got started on unpacked. Glenn hugged Maggie back happily but began to notice that something was wrong when she didn't let go.

"Maggie?" He asked nervously. "What's wrong?" Daryl and Tyrese stopped what they were doing and waited for Maggie to answer. She said nothing and only hugged Glenn tighter, which made them all feel nervous.

"What happened?" Daryl demanded to know. Worry invaded his chest and twisted itself inside him painfully.

"She's inside." Was all Maggie could muster as she held Glenn as tightly as she could. Over her shoulder, Glenn watched Daryl all but run inside to find Tess.

Carol immediately knew what, or rather who, he was after when he arrived into Cell Block C. She directed him upstairs and he found Tess sitting on the floor, her back against the bed, barefoot and eyes closed, but uninjured. It looked like she'd thrown her pillow against the wall and it lay in a crumpled heap on the floor. Her eyes blinked open when she heard him and she sent him a tired smile.

"Hey." She greeted him.

"You okay?" He asked and she exhaled loudly.

"I'm getting there. Today…" Tess shook her head in disbelief, "Today was so fucked."

"What happened?" Daryl sat down opposite her.

"Where do I even begin…? Everything started out okay, no walkers, no trouble, nothin'. We swept the houses and it was quiet but there was this one house… Some family- Goddamnit." Tess groaned and squeezed her head between her hands, trying to physically push the haunting images out of her head. Daryl waited patiently for her to continue; or not.

"Some family had been living there. I don't how long, it's not important. Anyway, I walk into the upstairs bedroom and there's a woman and a kid on the bed. They're dead but they're warm." Their blue mottled skin flashed into her vision and she flinched. "I was so focused on them and then the kid's father comes in and he's got this sawed-off shotgun and he looks fucking insane. He was fucking insane."

Tess crawled across the floor to the pillow she'd thrown at the wall and knelt with it in her lap.

"He suffocated them." Her hands clenched in anger, "The kid was younger than Carl. He thought he was doing the right thing too. Kept saying there wasn't any life out there anymore and I'm trying to convince him that it's all okay but it didn't matter what I said. And then he just…"

Tess clenched her fist and pressed her knuckles to the underside of her jaw, wincing as her hand trembled. Daryl didn't need to hear her say it word for word for him to understand what had happened. He could imagine well enough what a shotgun to the head would have looked like.

"Right in front of me." Tess let out a shuddering breath and her hands collapsed at her sides. "I'll just add that one to the nightmare fuel and hope I can sleep tonight. Anyway, how was your day?"

She put on a brave face and looked up at him expectantly, wanting to talk about anything else other than her gruesome encounter. Daryl stared back at her, bewildered and concerned. He knew she was used to compartmentalizing, as she put it, but it often worried him just how good she was at it.

"You don't gotta do that." He told her as gently as he could.

"Do what?" She frowned.

"Act like none of that bothers you."

"What else should I do? It's embarrassing enough that I become completely paralyzed whenever something traumatic happens. I don't want to linger on it. I just want to forget."

"You ain't gotta be embarrassed."

"No? How many times have you had someone drag you out of a room because you can't move?" She snapped at him. She hadn't planned to but it was such a deeply ingrained reflex that she couldn't help herself.

"I hate that I freeze. I hate feeling like I'm about to die every time because I can't get my shit under control." Frustrated tears pricked at her eyes and she squeezed them shut, willing them away.

Tess felt Daryl's warm hand grab her arm softly and she exhaled slowly. She took a few deep breaths, calming herself and felt her heart rate begin to slow. Her hand clutched his arm and she squeezed reassuringly, more for her own sake than for his. It was a reminder that he was tangible and she was present. This was real, they were real.

"You ain't gonna die." He whispered in a raspy voice, which made her open her eyes. "And you ain't weak for bein' affected by it, neither."

He sounded so certain that she believed him. He looked so certain that she trusted him. Never in her life had she ever felt more loved than she did right now. She wasn't bold enough to presume that's how he felt but whatever he did feel for her, it was the closest to love that she'd ever had in life. Right there, she nearly told him too. She very nearly let him know that she loved him but again her own fear and selfishness got in the way.

Tess was afraid that if she told him, he'd pull away, both physically and mentally. She needed this, she needed him. So she kept it to herself because she didn't want him to let go, lest all her pieces fall apart again.