Chapter 48 - Waiting Around To Die

Somewhere on the Road

"Sanctuary…"

"Sanctuary… Survive."

The static on the car radio was being periodically interrupted by the crackling sound of a voice breaking through. It had been easily missed the first time, like a voice carried in the wind but after a few repeats, Daryl had heard it. Now it was all he could focus on.

Sanctuary? Survive? Was someone broadcasting? Calling out to survivors? Was there an entire community out there with the capability to take in more people? Daryl had no thoughts of leaving the prison, no that wasn't his intention. But, if a place claimed to provide safety and survival, then maybe they had the medical assistance they so desperately needed too.

He tried tuning into the signal better but only made it worse. The static increased and the voice disappeared. Try as he might, he couldn't find it again. All the time he spent fiddling with the radio, he should have been watching the road.

Maybe then, they wouldn't have lost their vehicle.

—

Tess' eyes were so well adjusted to the dark by now that it didn't much matter that no sunlight entered Death Row. In fact, she was beginning to prefer it this way. The few candles she had in her cell remained permanently snuffed - the small flickers of light had begun to hurt her eyes and she was trying to do anything to make life for herself more comfortable, even if that meant sitting in the dark. Rather stupidly, she hadn't mentioned anything to Hershel about the blood she'd started to cough up. In the scheme of things, she was doing marginally better than a lot of others. She wasn't yet bed ridden like most and so she figured that his concern was better served elsewhere.

She, herself, was more worried about Glenn. He barely had the strength to make it out of his cell to see Maggie anymore and so Tess had begun to play messenger between the two - keeping Maggie informed on how he was doing and letting Glenn know that she had come to visit, again. Not that she minded. It kept her busy. It kept her mind off of worrying about Daryl.

That was all she seemed to be able to think about when things got quiet and no one else was around. She had no doubts that he'd make it back but it was just a matter of when and would it be soon enough? Her earlier conversation with Merle, while he'd tried to help in his own way, had given her little assurance. Having him around to keep an eye on things was of some comfort though and she appreciated that he cared enough to do it. It just went to show how much he'd changed since rejoining them. Even Glenn had commented about how he welcomed his presence when Tess mentioned it to him. That in itself was massive progress.

There'd be no attempt from anyone to break into A Block and continue with their 'damage control' but there'd also not been any success in figuring out who had committed the crime. Tess hardly believed that it was one of the four that had taken off on the run, so that meant that whoever it was, was either sleeping beside her or wandering the halls beyond, scot-free. She didn't know which was worse.

The difficult thing was that when she tried to consider who may have killed David and Karen, no one came to mind. Either someone in their midst was an excellent actor or she didn't know her friends as well as she thought she did. That was a scary thought. For a brief moment, she considered that Rick might've been the one to do it but even he wouldn't go so far as to burn their bodies. No, someone had done that not only to prevent further spread but also to cover their tracks. It was the actions of somebody desperate.

Desperate…

Tess awkwardly shuffled to sit up, her head beginning to swim. It was the actions of someone who thought they were helping… someone who thought they had no other option. Carol had told her that.

She recalled their conversation from yesterday, as brief and uncomfortable as was, it had been a stark admission of guilt. She's been so caught up in her own discomfort that she hadn't paid much attention to Carol's own uneasiness. Her refusal to look her in the eyes and the awkward fidgeting of her hands that were characteristic of remorse.

Carol had been the one.

Carol who, when Tess first met her, wouldn't have hurt a fly.

Carol had murdered and mutilated them.

—

The creek they found was a momentary reprieve from the danger they had encountered on the road. A massive herd, hundreds of walkers deep, had swarmed the tarmac and by the time Daryl had regained control of the car, it was too late for them to drive away. Now, they needed to make it the rest of the way on foot or at least until they found another car somewhere.

Daryl scooped cold water from the stream and took a drink before splashing the rest on his face. The chain around his neck was growing heavier the longer he was away from the prison and he pulled it free from his neck. Holding the tags in his hands, he examined them as though they would bring him any closer to home. He needed to get it together. The voice on the radio had been a distraction, not hope. Their hope was still another ten miles from here and at the rate they were going, distractions weren't something that could be afforded. Slipping the chain around his neck and beneath his collar again, he stood up.

"I think this is Turner Creek," Michonne guessed, "so Barnesville must be a few miles downstream."

"Sounds like our best chance at finding a new ride." Bob replied hopefully.

"Yo, Ty." Daryl shouted to Tyrese who had distanced himself from them further down the creek. "Come on, let's go. Vámonos."

Tyrese didn't respond. He didn't even flinch.

"Ty." Daryl tried again. "Ty!"

"Lost a whole night…" Tyrese muttered despairingly. "My sister, everybody else… they're probably dead."

"Don't start down that road." He warned him, not wanting to hear it. Doubt was dangerous and Daryl didn't need it lurking in the back of his mind right now.

"Even if they're not dead now… they will be soon."

"Tyrese, stop it." Michonne admonished him, noticing Daryl's hands balling into fists. The last thing she wanted was for a fight to break out between the two of them.

"What?" Snapped Tyrese, teetering at the river's edge. "We're out of time."

Daryl stormed over to him and yanked him up by the collar of his shirt, jolting him harshly.

"Get your shit together. They ain't gone!" He hissed at him, enraged.

"It's my family-"

"It ain't just your family!" Daryl shook Tyrese again. "And if my family dies it's on you! If you've given up, fine, stay. I ain't just gonna let mine rot in some hole waitin' 'round for you!"

Daryl gave him a final jarring shove and marched away downstream towards Barnesville. The whole lot of them could give up for all he cared. He was determined to keep going and nothing was going to stop him from getting back.

--

Tess was pacing impatiently by the window, waiting for someone from the outside world to show up. Hershel, Maggie, Merle, anybody that she could get to bring Carol to A Block so that she could confront her about her wrongdoing herself. She wanted to look her in the eyes when she asked her about it. If Carol tried to lie to her then, she'd know.

It took all her strength to keep her focus. It was getting harder and harder to see straight, let alone stand. Her pacing was agonizing but she feared that if she sat down, she would only give in to the exhaustion and lose her sense of objective. Differentiating between what was real and what was a dream was becoming a problem and Tess didn't want to forget about the very harsh reality she was confronted with.

She so desperately wanted to be wrong but she had to know if she was right. Tess found it difficult to fathom that Carol could have done such a thing. It was so unlike her but she'd all but confessed to it upon reflection. Of all people, why did it have to be her? Why hadn't she come to them? None of it made sense and the more she thought about it, the more she was convinced that she had it all wrong.

Tess' pacing was interrupted by a violent series of coughs that came from an elderly man trying to make his way back into his cell. He keeled over and Tess hurried to his side before he collapsed completely. She looped her arm across his shoulders to guide him towards his cell and carefully coaxed him to sit once they reached the bed. He thanked her and lay down, exhausted, before succumbing to another spate of fitful coughing. All she could do was offer him some water and sit with him until he fell asleep.

Tess could feel her own tired eyes beginning to drop and all sense of urgency that she'd had about talking to Carol disappeared along with the last of her energy. She staggered out of the cell and back towards her own, fighting the urge to bend over and hack her lungs out like the old man had. When she got to her cell, something stopped her from falling onto her bed.

"Hey Resa."

She knew he wasn't real. He couldn't be. But it definitely looked like he was. Like she could reach out and touch him if she so wanted to.

"Nate." She breathed, "What're you doing here?"

He shrugged at her, his signature amiable smile drifting onto his face.

"I don't know. You called, I answered."

"I didn't call you…?"

"No? Well, I guess it's just a happy accident then."

"You're dead."

"Am I?" Nate frowned and then perked up again quickly, "Gone but not forgotten I hope?"

"I couldn't forget you..."

Tess shook her head as she felt tears beginning to prickle in her eyes and Nate smiled at her sadly. He shuffled along the bed and she sat down beside him.

"What's going on here, Res?"

"I'm sick. We're all sick. People have been dying."

"Are you scared?"

"Of course I'm scared."

"Maybe that's why I'm here then. I always helped you get through the worst, didn't I?"

"You did and I'm sorry I couldn't do the same for you."

"You're not still hung up on that are you?" He groaned with feigned irritation.

"I don't think I'll ever be over it. I failed you. I failed all of you."

"You haven't failed anyone. Least of all me. This life, it's all I've ever wanted for you."

"For me to die of the flu? Sure sounds like you're holding a grudge."

"Don't be stupid. I'm talking about the family you've made for yourself. About Daryl. You're happier with him than you ever would have been with me."

"How can you know that?"

"Because I only remind you of all the bad in the world. He's your reminder of all the good. I wish I could've met the man that broke through to you."

Tess laughed airily, her lips trembling as she tried to form a smile. What she would give to have him back in her life to meet Daryl. In a perfect world, they would co-exist. The two most important men of her entire existence. She knew now that her feelings for them both weren't comparable but that didn't mean she loved Nate any less.

"I always thought we might…"

"I know. So did I."

"I did love you."

"I loved you too but you can love him now. Everything's gonna be okay."

Tess squeezed her eyes shut tightly, fighting back the tears that threatened to reduce her to pieces. Her hand reached out for her friend but she only found more mattress and when she opened her eyes again, she was well and truly alone.

Something about this hallucination felt final. Tess wouldn't be seeing him again. She didn't need to. Nate would always be with her and like she'd told Carl all that time ago, the dead weren't gone until they were forgotten. And she'd never be able to forget him. What she could do however, was move on.

There was no one to blame anymore; least of all herself. Holding onto anger for the sake of retribution that she had already wrought was doing her more harm than good now. If there was one thing she could do, should she not recover, it was acceptance. She was finally at peace with that part of her life and that was of some solace at least.

—

Daryl was starting to lose patience. He didn't consider himself a heartless man but Tyrese's stubbornness towards wallowing in his own grief was becoming too much to sympathize with. The dead were dead. There were people still alive, The Man's own sister, that needed their help. Tyrese's sorrow was beginning to hinder their progress and Daryl was certain that he wouldn't be able to put up with it for much longer.

The longer they spent away from the prison, the more likely it became that they'd have nothing to return to. That was a fate Daryl was unwilling to accept. He may not have intended to say it but he'd been honest before when he said it was his family on the line too. Not only Tess but Glenn and Hershel as well. The others he'd left behind, who hadn't been sick then but may very well have fallen ill since their departure, they too were family. The entirety of Cell Block C were all his family. Not by the blood in their veins but by the blood they'd all spilled for one another.

After much walking, they finally reached Barnesville. It was a ghost town that Mother Nature was in the process of reclaiming. They happened across an abandoned auto shop, which was their first glimmer of hope for the day, but the thicket of vines that had grown over the building reminded them that nothing came for free. Daryl began hacking away at the vegetation with his machete and the others quickly followed suit. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Tyrese releasing his anger through violent swings of his blade and he hoped it would help to assuage his grief.

Tyrese's reaction that came from being sprung on by a walker as the auto shop door came swinging open, crushed what little hope Daryl had left. While urgently fighting off his own attacker, Tyrese lay on the ground, barely pushing back the hungry face that was snapping at him. He stared into death's eyes and debated joining it but the decision was taken from him when Bob shot the walker in the head. After an alarmingly cold wave of disappointment, Tyrese broke free of his stupor and shoved the dead body away.

Daryl was right, he had to get his shit together. If Sasha wasn't yet dead, if his friends were still alive, they needed him to make it back. Feeling ashamed but newly reinvigorated, Tyrese looked up at Daryl who was glaring at him and nodded - an acknowledgement of his own stupidity and the assurance that he'd be better. Whether Daryl believed it or not he wasn't sure but he was determined to see things through to the end.

Now that they had a vehicle again, Michonne opted to drive and Daryl joined her in the front. Tyrese quietly thanked Bob for saving him as they set out on the road again and the ex-soldier gave him a stiff smile before turning to look out the window. He noticed Bob's knee was bouncing quickly beside him and he frowned, eyeing the man with intrigue but not asking what was making him agitated. All of them were anxious to get back, that was no secret, but perhaps Bob simply couldn't hide that?

What hadn't crossed Tyrese's mind was that Bob was itching for something more material. The impenetrable herd of walkers that they'd come across on the road had set off a chain reaction of panic and need. The threat of danger and the familiar flood of cortisol to the system left Bob wanting to reach for the bottle. Amber, clear, he'd take just about anything right now. If he were a stronger man, he'd convince himself that his desire was wrong, instead he ignored the voice in the back of his head and considered all the ways he could go about getting what he wanted.

—

If there was one good thing to come out of her being sick, it was that Tess had more than enough time to catch up on all the sleep she'd missed over the past five years. Whether she liked it or not, she was always tired and in a rare turn of events, it took more effort to stay awake than to sleep. After coming to terms with her final, figurative farewell, she slept again, seated in the corner of her bunk.

Her dream was warm and orange. It glowed bright like an evening sunset that would make any shepherd happy. It felt technicolor, like the retrospective memories of a happy childhood. She was beginning to grow familiar with this scene - the coffee table with assorted gerbera daisies in a glass highball, the worn leather sofa with cracks embedded into it and the woman dancing to the same tune by Looking Glass.

Her face was no more familiar now than it had been the first time. It was said that if you ran into your doppelganger, that you wouldn't recognize yourself. Maybe that's what was happening here? Tess watched her dance, happy and free, while glued to her spot on the floor. She didn't try to reach for her this time, she knew better now. The woman spun and twirled like a drunk at a party and she grew nearer and nearer, until Tess was forced back into the table.

The highball fell and shattered and the world turned blue and cold again.

Something about it left her feeling scared. This wasn't a place she wanted to be any longer. It never was when the warmth went away. Tess turned to face the mess she'd made and her chiral self was already on its knees, fists clenched around handfuls of glass. She didn't need to see its face in order to know it was upset. The hunched shoulders and white knuckles radiated malintent and Tess did her best to step away but her feet wouldn't budge.

Tess recoiled when the woman rose to her full height and reached out for her face with hands of broken glass. The shards dug into her cheeks, making her wince as she tried to pry them away. Blood ran from her face and the harder she fought, the faster it flowed and the more steadfast the grip became. She heard someone shout her name but she didn't recognize the voice. It sounded far away, like it came from some unknown distant land.

Her eyes squeezed shut painfully and she was shook roughly. She felt like she couldn't breathe. The air was being pulled from her until her lungs were empty and just when she thought it would kill her it all stopped. The sharp hands that held her let go, the bleeding stopped and she began to breathe normally again.

She didn't dream anymore after that but continued to sleep, at peace in the quiet of her mind.

Leaning against the wall of her cell, Merle wiped Tess' blood from his hand and tried not to allow himself to feel afraid.

—

They'd made it to the veterinary college.

Thankfully, their suspicions had been right and the medical supplies remained largely untouched but they were far from alone.

After making their way into the building, they located a surgery room where the stench of oxidized blood and old vomit hung stale in the air. Laying on the metal operating table, bloated and actively decaying, was the majority of someone's left arm. Just above the elbow, a chunk of flesh was missing and crescent shaped bruises bordered the wound. Someone had attempted to save themselves from turning… Question was, did it work?

Daryl sneered at the arm in disgust and lowered his crossbow, leaving it to hang from his shoulder.

"Doc, find what we need so we can leave." He instructed Bob, who nodded and began making his way through the cabinets and drawers. Michonne assisted him, using the list Hershel had given them as reference.

"There's gotta be other people here, right?" Tyrese questioned, warily eyeing the sawn off arm.

"People?" Daryl frowned, "I dunno about people."

"We ain't alone is what I'm sayin'."

Daryl just grunted in return. No, of course they weren't alone. A place as big as this was surely going to have walkers in it. He just hoped they'd be able to get in and out without running into any.

"I wasn't in my right mind earlier..." Tyrese began muttering the beginnings of an apology.

"Now you are?" Daryl squinted at him skeptically.

"Now I am."

"Good. I don't wanna be the one to tell Sasha her idiot brother decided to call it quits."

"You'd have been right. I was an idiot. What happened with Karen… I was letting it get to me. I can't do that right now."

"Tess should'a been down there that night…" Daryl murmured understandingly, "I don't know if I'd've been any different than you if she had been."

Tyrese looked at him with something akin to understanding and Daryl cleared his throat quietly and shook his head.

"'Cept you still got people waitin' on you back there and grieving when they ain't yet dead is pointless."

"You're right, I know. We're getting back to them."

"I think we've got everything." Michonne interrupted them, "Let's go."

Throughout their conversation, Daryl and Tyrese hadn't noticed Bob slip into an adjoining clinic in his search for medication and supplies. Bob returned with a heavy bag, weighed down with shame, his vice which he'd blithely happened across and claimed far too quickly.

Daryl took some of the items from Michonne and filled his own bag, strapping it across his body to compensate for the added weight. He was all too happy to be leaving but anxious to return home. He hoped they wouldn't be too late. He didn't know what he'd do with himself if they were.

They exited the surgery into the hallway and began making their way back to the entrance. The corridors were littered with debris - shattered glass, cables and broken ceiling tiles making it difficult to stay quiet. Daryl led them through the ever increasing dark, deeper into the bowels of the building in search for the stairwell again.

In order to reach the surgery, they had needed to pry open some jammed doors, which they'd then made a point of leaving ajar. Seeing that one of those doors was now shut made Daryl stop in his tracks.

"Didn't we leave that open?" Tyrese wondered with a hushed voice.

Daryl approached the closed door and pressed his ear to it, trying to listen for movement beyond. The door was thick and solid, which made it difficult to pick up on anything but he was confident that he could hear something moving on the other side. Daryl clicked his flashlight off and gestured for the others to step back.

Slowly and as quietly as he could, he cracked the door open and peeked through. On the other side, the hallway was flooded with walkers. Roughly counting, there were at least forty, if not more. Far too many for them to take on or make their way through. Daryl stared into the sea of walkers - one step forward, two steps back…

Preoccupied, Bob was too busy sifting through his backpack to notice why they'd stopped. Now that he had himself a bottle of liquor, it was all he could think about. Out of sight, out of mind it was not. It was his own irrational fear that kept him from looking away. Seeing it, having it in his possession, was almost as good as drinking it. Almost… When he finally did look up in an attempt to act natural, his jaw dropped.

"Holy shit-" The words left his mouth before he could stop them and the walkers beyond began turning their heads to face them.

Daryl slammed the door closed moments before they lunged forward and he felt it rattle beneath his hands as they tried to push through. Tyrese, Michonne, Bob and Daryl ran back down the hallway, desperately searching for another way out.

—

Tess woke up to an ache in her chest and the taste of metal in her mouth. The pillow beneath her head was slightly damp and tacky and when she opened her eyes, she noticed the unmistakable red stains on the fabric. In a panic, she shot up and wiped at her mouth, feeling the blood that had dried on her lips. She released a shuddering breath as she realized that she'd been coughing up blood in her sleep.

"I wasn't sure if you were ever gonna wake up." A relieved voice muttered gruffly.

Tess looked up at Merle, ogling him with surprise; not entirely certain if he was really there or not.

"Merle?" Tess spoke softly, straining for volume.

"Who else, Kid?"

"What're you doing here?"

"Keepin' my word. Just as well too. You wanna tell me how long you've been coughin' up blood?" Merle raised an eyebrow at her and she withered.

"I didn't think it was that bad…"

"You was choking in your sleep. It's that bad. Old man Hershel, he know?"

"No, I haven't said anything." It was reckless, she knew that and the frown that contorted his face told her he was far from impressed.

"Do you wanna die? Or are you just stupid?"

"No, of course not but he's got everyone else to worry about too."

"No one likes a martyr."

"No one likes a smart-ass." She bit back, rubbing her aching chest.

"Next time I'll leave you to choke then." Merle retorted sharply, even if it was an empty threat.

Tess rubbed her chest some more. It felt bruised, like something or someone had crushed her.

"Did you-" She hesitated, questioning herself, "Did you give me CPR?"

Merle fidgeted uncomfortably and grunted,

"Was like kissing my sister. Don't make me do that again."

"Thank you…"

"Yeah, don't mention it. I don't feel like havin' that conversation with my brother."

"Seriously, Merle, thank you."

"You got it, Kid."

—

Tyrese hurled a fire extinguisher through the window of one of the second storey lecture rooms. The walkers that were after them had caught up quickly. They all shared the same blood drenched faces as those that had reanimated at the prison. It was as though everyone in the building had gotten sick and no one had survived. As Daryl leapt through the shattered window onto the roof of the walkway below, he began to seriously fear that they were already too late.

Michonne jumped out after him, quickly followed by Bob. As Bob stumbled to his feet, his backpack slipped from his shoulder and nearly fell off the roof but he managed to dive for it before it completely spilled over the edge. Walkers on the ground began tearing at the bag, trying to reach Bob's arm but he refused to let go.

Daryl shouted at him, urging him to let go. The longer they stayed here, the more danger they were putting themselves in. Bob refused to listen and fiercely clung to his backpack.

"Bob, let it go!" Michonne shouted as she slashed her sword through another walker trying to climb through the shattered window.

While Tyrese tried to haul Bob to his feet, Daryl wasted precious arrows shooting at the walkers below.

"Let it go, man!" Ordered Tyrese but it fell on deaf ears yet again.

Bob was adamant on maintaining his hold on the strap and he ripped it away from the last walker, only to have Daryl tear it from him when he rose.

The bag was lighter than Daryl had expected - it only held a single item.

"You son of a bitch…" Daryl snarled, his lip curling in anger.

He stalked towards Bob, Merle's warning ringing in his ears. He should've listened. He should've paid more attention. His brother was right - Bob was willing to risk their lives for a meager bottle of whiskey.

"I didn't want to hurt nobody…" Bob whimpered pathetically.

"I should'a left you in that fuckin' town." Daryl seethed, bearing down on him with a murderous glare.

"Don't man, he made his choice." Tyrese pulled at his arm and Daryl shrugged him off but heeded his plea nonetheless.

"Some fuckin' choice." He hissed, fighting the urge to throw his fist at his face.

"It was just for when it gets quiet…." Muttered Bob, shrinking away.

Daryl pulled the bottle from the bag and rammed it into Bob's chest until he grabbed it with fumbling hands.

"You take so much as a sip before these meds get to our people and I'll kill you, you hear me?"

Bob could see it in his eyes that Daryl wasn't exaggerating. He meant every word of it and it took everything in him for Daryl to not beat him senseless. He didn't though, he left him be. Left him to suffer in the knowledge that he'd disappointed and endangered them all. If Bob made it back to the prison, it would be a matter for the council to decide whether he was allowed to stay or not.

Daryl would be voting in favor of him leaving, there was no doubt about that.

—

Merle stuck around for longer than anticipated after Tess woke up. He'd planned on simply staying until she woke, just to make sure she wasn't about to die, but he found himself inclined to stay. For Daryl, he told himself. Her company wasn't half bad either, especially when she was the only one that spoke to him like she wasn't afraid of him.

Tess had forgotten all about her concerns surrounding Carol and never once mentioned anything about her earlier suspicions. Those two days that had passed since Karen and David had been killed felt like a lifetime ago. A lifetime she'd long since forgotten. Merle never mentioned either that Rick and Carol had disappeared on a run earlier that day and had still yet to return.

He spent more time complaining about the ex-Woodbury residents and how they still weren't used to 'pulling their weight'. Tess took it with a grain of salt - their level of contribution was the least of her worries right now and more than anything, she'd learnt that Merle just liked to complain. Regardless of the topic, it was nice to have a conversation with someone that wasn't sitting on the other side of a window or a figment of her imagination. His company made her feel like less of a lab rat and more like a human.

"You should go easy on Linda, she cooks your meals for you." A small smile tugged at her lips as she listened to Merle complain about the constant dour looks she gave him.

"She don't cook'em for me. I'm just another mouth in the chow line."

"A mouth which she feeds. Seems risky to me messing with anyone who handles your food."

Merle grumbled under his breath and she rolled her eyes as she stood up shakily.

"You could just cook for yourself y'know?"

"Where are you goin'?"

"To take a piss. Did you want to hold it for me? I'm pretty sure I can do it on my own."

"Some lady you are." Merle's nose wrinkled in disgust and she laughed but her throat was dry and sore and it sounded more like a rattling cough.

"Don't know where you got that idea from. I've never claimed to be a lady."

Shuffling out of the room, Tess kept a tentative hand near the wall just in case and excused herself to the bathroom.

It was late afternoon, she guessed. Hard to tell without windows. It could very well be mid-morning and she'd never know. Tess couldn't wait to see the sun again, to feel well and breathe fresh air. Her health wasn't something she was ever going to take for granted again. She missed not knowing what it felt like to have every joint in her body ache. She missed being able to breathe without it hurting. She missed the before, when everything was okay and no-one was sick.

She tried not to miss Daryl or worry about why he and the others hadn't made it back yet. She had asked Merle if he was concerned but he'd brushed her off, citing there was nothing to worry about - 'he'll be back soon, quit your whining'. The apprehension in his eyes had betrayed him though, which only made her more inclined to fret. If he didn't make it back tonight, she thought she'd likely try her luck convincing Merle to go find him with her.

When Tess made her way back from the restroom, she stumbled into Hershel who was pushing a body on a gurney out of another cell. The man was still and rigid, dead, suffocated by his own blood that had pooled in his lungs. Tess' jaw clenched and she swallowed nervously, imagining how that could have very well been her had Merle not come to find her.

"Tess, you should be in bed." Hershel advised, sounding weary.

"I'm going there now." She replied.

"How are you doing." He stepped around the gurney to look at her better and she shrugged.

"Hanging in there."

"You'd tell me if you weren't, wouldn't you? This is no time to be a hero."

"No, this doesn't feel like a very heroic death… Merle's with me now, if anything happens, he'll come find you, I'm sure."

Hershel's brow furrowed with concern,

"Is he sick?"

"No, I don't think so."

"I see," He nodded in understanding, "You have a remarkable way of getting through to people."

"That's a really nice way of saying I can be annoying." Tess smiled goodnaturedly but with how sickly she looked, it came across rather pathetic.

"Perseverance is the key to success. Your persistence is what has made those brothers better men."

"I think you're giving me too much credit, Hershel. People don't change unless they want to. My persistence has nothing to do with it."

"That may be so, yet I choose to believe you have an impact."

Tess didn't argue, she simply smiled and fought back the urge to cough. She held it back as long as she could until she was bent over, coughing into her elbow. Hershel laid a gentle hand on her back, keeping her steady until she came right again. He eyed her anxiously, for the first time noticing the stain on her sleeve where she coughed into.

"Tess," Hershel scolded her sternly, "how long?"

"I don't know…" She shrugged shamefully. Time was an abstract concept to her now.

"Too long. Until I'm unconscious, don't you start worrying about me though. Not when you've got this to worry about." Tess nodded at the body on the gurney while she wiped at her face.

Hershel grimaced at the corpse on the slab. He hadn't been able to bring himself to stop the turning yet and the longer he left it, the riskier it became. It was a necessary evil but he still struggled to justify the act to himself.

"You don't have to do it, Hershel. Let me help you." Tess offered, despite her waning strength.

"No, this is the last thing you should be doing right now." He argued and she shook her head, which she immediately regretted when her head started to throb.

"At least let me get Merle to help you then. I'm sure he'll thank you for it, I don't think he enjoys babysitting me."

"I'd appreciate that, thank you."

"Of course. I'll send him your way." She mustered a small, tired smile and slowly returned to her cell where Merle had helped himself to her bed.

"I was beginning to think you fell in." He quipped, sitting up.

"I ran into Hershel." Tess explained, "He needs your help."

"I ain't no doctor."

"Not that kind of help."

"Well why don't he come find me himself?"

"Because I offered your services. Now be a champ and lend a hand." Tess teetered over towards the bunk and slumped against the frame, "I'm going to fall on you if you don't get off the bed." She warned him and quickly took Merle's place when he stood up.

"Thank you." She mumbled into her pillow and she was asleep again before Merle had even left the room.

Only an hour passed before she woke up to the sound of screaming. A child's voice, it sounded like Lizzie, was shouting for help and Tess came to with a start. It took her a few moments to discern that her cries were real and then she was staggering to her feet with her trusty knife in hand.

At the end of the corridor, next to the flight of stairs, Lizzie was cowering beside Glenn who had collapsed on the floor, convulsing. A walker was shuffling out of a nearby cell, heading in their direction, and Tess moved as quickly as she could to reach them, pulling herself along the railing so she wouldn't fall.

Lizzie's eyes shifted between her and the walker, terrified. Tess lunged as the walker began to crouch and she drove the blade of her knife into the back of its head, causing it to seize and collapse. Lizzie yelped in fright and backed into Glenn before flinching and shimmying away again.

"Lizzie," Tess panted, "go find Hershel."

The young girl gaped at her with wide, unseeing eyes, not listening to her instruction.

"Lizzie! Hershel! Now!" Tess ordered her with a raspy voice, struggling to catch her breath.

The kid finally scrambled to her feet and ran away in search of Hershel. Tess crawled over to Glenn and heaved him over onto his side.

"Come on, Glenn…" She croaked and tried to clear his mouth.

She wasn't in any state to be doing this right now. Her arms felt like lead, her head like it was about to burst and her chest like a ticking time bomb. She had little strength left to hold herself up, much less to support Glenn too and there was no chance she'd have the stamina to perform CPR. All she could do was sit by and watch.

Distracted, Tess didn't notice the walker creeping up behind her until she felt hands creep onto her back and cold breath on her neck. She jerked away and slashed blindly at her attacker but missed and the walker threw itself at her. It bared its teeth and gnashed hungrily while she desperately tried to hold it back. She tried to raise her knee between them and shove the walker aside but she was too weak and the only way she was able to push it away was to throw her whole body into it.

The walker's rotting teeth grew dangerously close to her face and Tess mustered all the strength she had to thrust herself up. She rolled, further and further until the walker was off her but its desperate hands still grabbed at her, tugging her with it all its might as it rolled dangerously close to the stairs and then down. Tess fell with it.

She felt every stair she hit. Every blow to her head and body. It happened too fast for her to think anything of it, all she felt when she hit the concrete at the bottom of the stairs, for the briefest of moments, was agony and then nothing at all.

Tess had returned to the blue room. Only this time there was no mystery woman, it was just her. Her, now, and herself from five years ago. Her younger self was in full uniform, with her red hair slicked back in a low bun. She looked stern and commanding and Tess hardly recognized herself.

"Wake up or you're going to die." She warned her.

The next thing Tess knew, she felt the cold concrete beneath her face again and a terrible pain in her leg. She could move, so nothing was broken but when she looked down at her leg, she almost would have preferred that it was. During her tumble down the stairs, she had fallen on her knife and it had lodged itself into her lower thigh.

Pulling it out would be stupid. It could kill her but so could the walker that was crawling its way over to her. Tess tried to scramble back, in search of anything that she could use to defend herself but came up empty handed. The walker gained on her and crept its way up towards her as she tried to kick it back with her one good leg. It was stronger than her though and was on top of her before long.

Tess held it back for as long as she could, desperately hoping someone would appear to save her but no one ever did. Her arms grew weaker and her willpower waned the longer she continued to wait. No one was coming. Her options now weren't great. A quick, painful death or a slow agonizing one. Tess made her choice with only one thought in mind - please, don't let me die.

With her final ounce of strength she reached for the knife in her leg and ripped it out. The small surge of adrenaline was all she needed to stab the walker in the head and as it collapsed, she too succumbed to the cold, dark abyss.