A/N: I know I promised this chapter to be out a couple days ago, but I had a family situation pop up and I didn't even remember that I was supposed to post a chapter until just now.
This is an AU where Hiccup runs away after winning the "honor" to kill a dragon in front of the tribe. I've read a lot of Hiccup-runaway stories and I find a lot of them have similar tendencies in where the story goes. I wanted to write my own version, and it will be very different. And I won't make you wait 30 chapters until Hiccup returns to Berk! That's the thing that always makes me impatient when I read Hiccup-runaway stories, haha, I want to see what happens when Hiccup returns more than I want to read about Hiccup going to faraway cities and meeting new characters. That's the whole reason I read Hiccup-runaway stories, to see Stoick's reaction upon the revelation that his son is alive, grown up, and flying a Night Fury. If you've read any of my stories, you know I like that Hiccup/Stoick hurt/comfort, angst stuff, haha, so expect that to be a big focus of this story.
Chapter 1:
It wasn't what he had imagined it would be like, being lifted by his peers, his people cheering his supposed victory, his father finally beaming with pride for his son. It was everything Hiccup had ever thought that he'd wanted, everything he'd dreamed of, everything he'd hoped to someday have. So why did he feel a rising panic and a sense of guilt?
Fake smile in place, Hiccup nodded acknowledgement to the group that he'd been training with daily as they finally set him back on the ground after parading him around. These were the kids he'd grown up with, the ones who had teased him mercilessly for years, the ones who hated him for simply being himself, and yet they were patting him on the back, asking question after question about how he did it, and excited for his victory.
Well, all of them but one. As Hiccup smiled and nodded, he spotted Astrid at the corner of his eye, arms folded, intense glare in place as she watched him be applauded and treated like some kind of hero. Hiccup gulped involuntarily, throwing an awkward smile her way.
He had told her to go for it while in the ring, he hadn't wanted to win, but she hadn't gotten it done and when it came time for him to act or risk injury by the Gronkle, he had chosen to knock it out with a touch to the spot under it's giant jaw.
The Gronkle had collapsed, and Astrid, crying out as she finally rushed the dragon, weapon held high, was too late.
In hindsight, Hiccup was glad that he'd had to act, otherwise Astrid may have hurt the poor thing, not understanding what it was that she was actually doing to the innocent creature. The dragon hadn't chosen to be there, it wasn't interested in harming them, it was just protecting itself.
Even though Hiccup was glad he had defended the creature by knocking it out safely before it could be harmed, he knew that his actions were going to have grave consequences. He was experiencing it now, surrounded by people who were congratulating him, being ushered up to where his father stood, the chief of their tribe, beaming down at his son with new eyes, as if he were seeing him for the first time, and was actually satisfied with what was presented before him.
It hurt. His father finally loved him, and it was under false pretenses.
Hiccup took a deep breath as he was guided up a few of the steps that led to the Great Hall, part of him wondering how he had gotten there so fast, lost in the sea of people who had ushered him there in a flurry of cheers and celebration. His mind had been jumping from taking in his surroundings, and thinking back on everything that had gotten him to this point, and he felt as if his thoughts were so jumbled. Where had Astrid gone anyway, when had he lost sight of her? Why did he care? What was he going to do? He couldn't kill a dragon, he wouldn't.
"Hiccup." Stoick had a hand extended to him, inviting him to join him on the steps, looking over their people.
Hiccup swallowed, hard, trying to keep some kind of a normal expression on his face. How would someone else in his position act right now? Happy, right? He should be happy, excited even. He had just won the supposed honor of killing a dragon in front of the tribe.
He suddenly felt a wave of nausea as the panic returned with an intensity. What had he done? What was he going to do? How had he let this situation get so out of hand?
Hiccup suddenly found himself standing next to his father, one of his dad's massive hands on one of his shoulders, giving him a little shake as he turned him to stand side by side with him.
"When I'd returned from the hunt for the dragon's nest, I couldn't have imagined the good news that awaited me." Stoick started speaking. "We'd suffered one disappointment, I didn't look forward to returning home to another." He chuckled, the people laughed, all in agreement, and no one seeing just how hurtful their response was to Hiccup.
Hiccup stared intently at the ground. This all just kept getting so much worse. He couldn't wait for it to be over. He just wanted to slink away into the background, hidden in plain sight, like he was used to doing. Amongst his people but never part of them, that was where he felt most comfortable, because that was where he found he could pretend he wasn't so lonely, while also avoiding the jibes and verbal attacks from the people he wanted to be a part of so badly.
"I was surprised to find that while I'd been away, my son had finally stepped up. He started on the path he needs to be on, to someday grow into a fine leader." Stoick continued, the occasional cheer breaking the silence of the crowd.
Stoick smiled in satisfaction, glad to see the people so responsive, finally, to the idea of Hiccup ever leading them. He had to admit, he'd been afraid that the day would never come, that he'd grow old with no capable heir, and the chiefdom would someday have to be passed on to another family. He had always considered it a shame that he'd ended up with no other close relatives, that his wife had died by the hands of the dragons before they could have a bigger family, that Hiccup was all he had left. What he had left— a small, troublemaking son— didn't seem capable of the burden Stoick knew he'd have to pass down one day, the burden of leadership over the people of Berk.
It wasn't only a burden, and only so in that it was a big responsibility that could easily take over one's life. It was also a privilege, to be a protector and provider over the people he cared for dearly. It was something he had wanted to prepare his son for as soon as he could, but Hiccup had never been responsive to it, had never seemed up to it. Not until now.
"Come, we have much to celebrate tonight!" Stoick gestured with his hands for the people to ascend the steps up into the Great Hall where food and drink had already been prepared for the celebration of the victor.
Hiccup stepped closer to his father, not because he felt any kind of bond or closeness to him, but simply because he didn't want to be run over by a mob of Vikings stampeding up the stairs to a party.
Stoick misread Hiccup's movements, and patted his shoulder, feeling a sense of kinship to his son that he hadn't felt in a long time.
"I'm proud of you, son." Stoick said, just loud enough for Hiccup to hear.
Hiccup looked down, unable to meet his dad's eyes after hearing that statement. His dad thought he was proud of him, but he wouldn't be if he knew the truth, if he knew how his son was really able to be so good with the dragons. He wouldn't be proud if he knew his son had befriended a dragon. He wouldn't be proud if he knew that Hiccup had no desire to kill a dragon, and did not intend to go through with it.
"Let's go, this party is for you. You earned it." Stoick guided Hiccup to the doors of the Great Hall, and pushed open one of them to reveal the Great Hall full of people, candles and fires lit to brighten the corners of the grand room. Food adorned the tables, barrels of different drinks lined parts of the walls. Some of the more musically gifted members of the tribe were tuning instruments and preparing to play, a dance floor was being cleared. It looked like a lot of fun, but for somebody who actually belonged there, and Hiccup knew that he did not.
"Go, find your friends." Stoick smiled down at his son who looked timid at the sight of the celebration and all the people. Stoick didn't like the feeling that hit him as he considered his son's reaction, knowing that it stemmed from how he'd been such an outsider before. Hiccup hadn't shown any talent for fighting dragons, or anything that a warrior or a chief was expected to do. The only thing he seemed to excel in was forge work, and getting into trouble.
All of that had caused Hiccup to be left out, to be considered not much of a Viking, and Stoick had even heard the name "Hiccup the Useless" being thrown around, though he'd done his best to squash that title before it could spread. He hadn't liked that his son was such a pariah amongst their own people, and he'd considered it his own son's fault for so long that he was treated that way.
Now, Stoick was seeing the affects that treatment had had on his son and was actually giving it some thought. Had all of that negativity slowed his son's progress? He'd hoped that it would encourage his son to try harder, and he had, except that his past efforts had always ended in massive failure, and sometimes in destruction. This time, however, Hiccup's efforts had paid off. Either way, Stoick intended to fix it. His son wasn't going to be on the outside anymore. Stoick was going to make more of an effort. If his son was to lead someday, then he needed to be accepted, he needed to be more involved.
"Friends." Hiccup repeated softly, not quite a question.
Stoick felt it again, something in his heart that caused a pang of sorrow. Having friends was a new concept to his son. He knew he had really let his son down, just the fact that Hiccup didn't seem to know what to do with himself when he was being celebrated proved it. But, he thought, he was going to make it up to him, he was going to make sure things were better from now on.
"I'm sure they'd be happy if you joined them." Stoick pointed to a table where he could see Hiccup's peers— Snotlout, the Thorsten twins, and Fishlegs. He noted that Astrid was not there, but he also knew that she had really wanted to win. She had deserved the win too, she was going to be a great warrior someday. If she needed time to accept the results of the competition, that was understandable.
Hiccup finally nodded, and almost shyly left his father's side as he headed in the direction of the table that had been pointed out to him.
Stoick watched, almost surprised to see such shyness from his own son. Hiccup wasn't usually like that. Hiccup wasn't shy, he did his own thing without showing care for what others thought of him. He did what he wanted, damn the consequences, and he sassed anyone who tried to tell him otherwise. He was stubborn, strong willed, and sarcastic. At least, that was how he'd always characterized his son in the past.
It occurred to Stoick that he needed to get to know his son better. He should be the person who knew his son better than anyone, and yet he had never understood him.
With a deep breath as he focused his attention on more positive things, Stoick resolved that things would be different from now on. He loved his son, always had, they'd just never been on the same page. They'd always butted heads, but now that Hiccup had something in common with his father, Stoick hoped that would be the foundation of a new start in their relationship as father and son. Things would be better, he was sure of it, but first, it was time to celebrate.
—
Hiccup had barely been paying any attention to what his dad was saying as he pointed out where his "friends" were sitting, and directed him to join them. He was too busy scheming, trying to figure out how he could slip away without being seen. It used to be easy to disappear, nobody ever paid him any mind, he could walk through a crowd and never be seen. It was so different, and so bizarre an experience to walk through the busy hall, and have people greet him rather than ignore him, people offering him kind words as opposed to giving him dirty looks when they bothered to acknowledge him at all.
Hiccup knew that as he couldn't slip away before approaching the table, he could practically feel his father's eyes watching him. There was no way out of it, he'd have to join the children he'd grown up with who had never wanted to be his friends until now. He half expected them to spread out across the seats as he approached, claiming in a mocking tone that there was no space for him, their table was full. They'd done it to him plenty of times in the past. Or maybe they would tell him to not even think about joining their table, losers weren't allowed. They'd done that too.
What Hiccup hadn't been expecting was for them to smile up at him as he arrived at their table, and invite him to sit. He almost thought it to be some kind of a trick.
"That was so cool how you took down that Gronkle!" Fishlegs immediately gushed, sliding closer to Hiccup. "What exactly did you do to it, I couldn't see at my angle, it look liked you did it with one hand!"
"Uh." Hiccup didn't know how to answer that without giving everything away, without admitting that he hadn't actually hurt the Gronkle, that he hadn't wanted to hurt it like he was supposed to.
"Do you do private lessons?" Ruffnut leaned in from one side, blinking flirtatiously as Hiccup leaned away, before her twin made a sound in disgust and started fighting with her.
"I could have won, but…" Snotlout was busy making up excuses for his lack of performance in the ring as he ate his food.
If Hiccup had to describe the scene in one word, it would be "chaos." It really shouldn't have been a surprise to him, he'd known these kids his entire life, had grown up alongside them even if he'd never been a part of their group before. He knew how they were. Still, it seemed an entirely different experience being within that chaos, as opposed to witnessing it from the sidelines.
"Uh, I'm- I'm going to get some food." Hiccup could see that his father was on the other side of the Great Hall, distracted and chatting with some other members of the tribe.
Fishlegs nodded in acknowledgment, abandoning the lecture on dragon statistics he'd been in the middle of, that no one had been listening to, in favor of eating the food on his own plate.
Hiccup left the table and made his way over to another one that was covered in food, and then quickly ducked behind it. He knew all the ways in and out of the Great Hall, and had made use of them plenty of times before when he'd been avoiding his father or trying to outrun and outsmart his bullies. Moving around unnoticed was his thing, he just had to make a little more effort now than he had before when people hadn't wanted to notice him.
"How are you betting on the fight tomorrow?" Someone asked another, drunkenly, causing Hiccup to pause as he was about to make a run for a side exit.
"A Gronkle is one thing, a Monstrous Nightmare is another!" The other laughed.
"In favor of the dragon, then?" The first Viking joined in the laughter.
"Not long ago I'd have been cheering for the dragon to finish him off!"
Both men fell into hysterics at their own joke. Hiccup made a face, struck with the familiar feeling of loneliness and inadequacy, before he finally slipped away from the party.
As Hiccup escaped the hall, he let out a deep breath. He had never thought himself to be claustrophobic, but had to admit that being in the middle of the chaos, people everywhere, so much noise and chattering, bumping against someone everywhere he turned, had been a bit much. He finally felt like he could breathe, he didn't feel as alert and on edge. It was a relief to be out of there, and, it was what he was used to. He usually had space, he was often on his own, he was hardly ever amongst the people in a celebration, always watching from the sidelines by himself.
All this time he had been wanting exactly what he had just escaped from, but when he had it, it hadn't been what he thought. He'd longed to be part of a group, accepted by others, with friends, and when he had it, it hadn't even been real. They didn't even like him, they liked this idea of him that they'd formulated in their heads. They thought he was some Viking-like dragon fighter, Stoick's son who was finally following in his father's footsteps. They thought he could take down dragons, that he still wanted to, but it was all fake.
This was why he had to get out of there, he reminded himself. Even if for a moment, while he'd been inside, he had almost doubted his decision to leave, he'd almost thought that he could somehow get away with it all, that he could have the best of both worlds. He could get along with his father, finally make him proud, have the friends he'd always wanted, and be accepted by his people. Meanwhile he could visit Toothless daily, go flying, learn more about dragons without anyone ever knowing or catching them. Right?
It had been nice to fantasize a life like that, at least for a moment. However, he knew it would never work. His dad was proud for the wrong reasons. Hiccup had gotten his father's hopes up, and it would break him if he found out that it had all been a sham. Hiccup didn't want to imagine his father's wrath upon realization that his son had been faking it all along, that he had decided that he didn't want to fight the dragons, that he wasn't following in his father's footsteps, and… would never be a good chief.
He'd been on the worst side of his dad's anger before, and even if he'd never lifted a hand to him, the pure disappoint and lack of love for his son was beyond emotionally painful enough for Hiccup.
As for the friends and the acceptance of his people, well, that had never been real either. The others didn't actually want to be his friend, they didn't like him, for him. They were only interested in his current status, they were impressed by his tricks and nothing more. They only cared about how Viking-like he currently was, and when they found out that he wasn't actually anything that a Viking was supposed to be— he was actually the opposite— they would go back to bullying him, maybe even worse than before.
While all these thoughts were racing through his head, Hiccup had been taking the path back home out of habit, too distracted to realize what he was doing as he returned home and grabbed the things he usually had on him in his satchel.
He wasn't entirely sure what else he needed to bring, and he wasn't completely convinced that he was actually going to go through with his plan, he just knew that in that moment, he needed to get away. He'd gotten himself in too deep, there was no other way out. His choices were limited, either keep pretending until he was found out or forced to do something he didn't want to do, like kill a dragon, or run away and leave all of his problems behind him.
The latter seemed the better option, at least in that moment. Just the thought of having to face his father when he found out the truth was enough to make Hiccup want to get as far away from Berk as possible.
With a satchel over one shoulder and a big basket of fish over the other, Hiccup pushed his way out of the back door of his home. He didn't even look back, his eyes set on the forest and the familiar path to the cove.
He had to act before he changed his mind. If he let himself look back, if he lingered on the fact that Berk had been his home all his life, that there were things about the island that he loved and would miss, that he was used to the security that came with being somewhere that his needs were provided for— the roof over his head, the protection that came with living in a village like Berk, the physical safety his father provided— then he'd second guess himself.
"Just think about it this way." Hiccup reasoned with himself as he walked. "The only things you're going to miss aren't even personal. Food, shelter, and security, those are the things you're going to miss, you can find those things in other places. And missing the beauty of Berk only means that I spent more time by myself than with my people, so… what's to miss here?"
With those depressing thoughts, Hiccup trudged on, trying not to think about the soreness in his arm from holding the basket of fish in the same position for so long. He figured he should be used to carrying it by now, as often as he'd done it for Toothless.
"Hiccup?" A voice carried through the forest, echoing, hard to pinpoint.
Hiccup froze, eyes wide. It was Astrid, again. Why was she always trying to find him in the woods? It was like she was always trying to catch him in the act of doing something wrong, so she could redeem herself as the best. It made sneaking out to see Toothless more difficult than it needed to be, all because she had caught him wandering the woods a couple of times while she'd been throwing her ax around. Now she wanted to know what he was doing out there.
"I saw you leave the party." Astrid said, almost conversationally. "It's about time you admitted what you're doing out here."
Hiccup looked around frantically, still unsure where her voice was coming from, before dashing behind a rock, hoping it was enough to hide him and the basket he was still carrying with him. He didn't even know where she was, for all he knew, he'd just exposed his location as opposed to hiding from her.
"Is someone training you out here?" Astrid asked, her footsteps making sound, finally giving Hiccup a general idea of where she was. "I'd like to know who could possibly be capable of training you. No one gets that good, that quickly, especially you."
Hiccup closed his eyes, biting down on a curse. She was close. If she found him, he had no idea how he was going to explain things to her. Like yeah, sure, he loves to take a basket of fish out into the forest to eat… by himself. First he got a workout carrying it around, then he'd bulk up by eating it all? That was the secret to his training, and the worst excuse for his situation ever. Gods he needed to get away, there was no good explanation for what he was doing out there with a basket of fish and a satchel of supplies, and some of his riding gear. What would she even think?
He wondered if she could feel the tension in the air too, or if it was just him. Her footsteps were slow, deliberate, as if she were stalking her prey. She seemed confident. Meanwhile, he could feel his heart racing, he was fighting to control his breathing, feeling as if it were too loud. And when did the forest become so quiet? He couldn't move, everything made sound— his clothing, his satchel, his shoes in the dirt, the supplies he was holding— and it was all too loud, and she was going to find him. What if she figured it out? What if she learned about Toothless? Things were about to fall apart completely before he could even figure out if he actually even wanted to run away or not.
Hiccup was seriously considering just getting up and making a run for it, hoping to lose her somewhere along the way to the cove, and hopefully getting Toothless saddled up and in the air before she could catch up. It was doable, maybe. She didn't have a basket of fish and supplies weighing her down, and she was faster than him even when he wasn't carrying a load of things, but he'd lost her in the woods before. He knew the area better than her, probably. She might see him take off on Toothless, if he wasn't able to lose her and only managed to get ahead of her, and that would mean he couldn't ever return, he couldn't change his mind, and-
An unexpected sigh came from the other side of the rock. She'd gotten closer while he'd been panicking, and she didn't sound so confident anymore. It gave Hiccup pause.
"Who am I kidding, you're long gone by now, as usual." Astrid kicked at something, a rock maybe. She sounded so… defeated. It surprised Hiccup. "I thought I was going to win. But I wasn't good enough. I let you down, Uncle Finn. I'm sorry."
From where Hiccup remained hidden he could sense Astrid on the other side of the rock as she leaned against it and slid to the ground.
He didn't know what to do. He still couldn't move, he was afraid to breathe. She would know he was there, and he didn't know if it would be worse to be caught by her when she'd been looking for him in anger, or if she found out that he was eavesdropping on a private moment of self pity.
More than anything, Hiccup wished he could reveal himself and comfort her. He wanted to step out from behind that rock and assure her that she hadn't failed, that she was a winner. She was the rightful winner, because she had played the game by the rules, and he had cheated. He wanted to show her that there was another way, that the secret to his dragon training success hadn't been about being the strongest or the toughest, it had been about seeing things from a different perspective, it had been about getting to know an unlikely friend and realizing that they had been fighting for no reason at all. Not all the dragons were bad, and it was more likely that hardly any of them were. Hiccup couldn't say for sure why the dragons raided them like they did, but he knew a lot of them were willing to be friendly when he showed them that he wasn't a threat.
If only Hiccup could tell her, could show her, but he knew that wouldn't work. She hated him, even if she was being vulnerable in that moment, the sniffles he was hearing were more than enough evidence that even Astrid Hofferson couldn't be a tough Viking all the time. No one could. The ideal Viking standard that they all held themselves to, compared each other to, was impossible to achieve. It was a fantasy. Yet no one realized how damaging it could be to constantly try to achieve something they could never reach. To be comparing one another to an impossible standard. Even the toughest of them was currently crying because she had been unable to achieve it despite dedicating all of her time and effort to the goal.
Hiccup didn't know how long he sat there, head resting against the rock, listening as Astrid sniffled. He felt like he was sharing an intimate moment with her as he experienced an entirely different, softer, more open side to her, even if she was unaware of the company she kept. He didn't mean to intrude, but he couldn't leave without alerting her to his presence. He wanted to send comfort her way, and only hoped that she had felt some of it despite thinking she was alone.
This was the closest he would ever get to her, not in distance, but in vulnerability. He knew she'd never open up to him, would never let him in as a confidant and friend. He had tried, and been rejected every time. All he could do was sit there in silence and wish that he could comfort her properly, offering his clandestine companionship.
—
When Hiccup finally made it to the cove, he was already spent. It had been an exhausting day, and the efforts he'd taken just to get away had taken more from him than he had thought, and that last moment he'd had with Astrid had almost made him want to stay, it made him think. How would his absence affect his people?
Could he have comforted Astrid? He'd done the only thing he had thought he could, to comfort her without actually stepping out to approach her. Time would tell if it had any affect on her at all, and then, he still may never know the answer. There was a chance she would never find what he'd left behind for her either.
He wondered if he could have done something more than that. Could he have convinced her that dragons weren't what they thought they were? Could he have made a difference in the lives of his people?
Hiccup scoffed at himself. No. Of course not.
More than likely Astrid would have gotten mad at him for intruding on her moment, she would have gone back to questioning him and accusing him. The last words she had directed at him, hadn't been positive. Her words had made it clear how little she thought of him. It had been wishful thinking that leaving something behind for her would even affect her in any way, at all. Maybe it was best if she never found it.
His absence from Berk would not affect his people in a bad way, if at all. They'd be quick to forget him after the initial shock that the dragon fight wouldn't commence as planned. He'd be disappointing them one last time, not present to give them the show they looked forward to. How were they to place bets on a fight that couldn't happen?
Hiccup furrowed his brow in anger, remembering the last words he'd heard from some of the people in the Great Hall. They were supposed to be celebrating his victory, yet some of them were talking about how they would have cheered for the dragon instead of him, in the past. They likely hadn't even realized that the one they were celebrating wasn't even there with them.
"Come on, Toothless." Hiccup called as he let the basket of fish fall to the ground, and he started fiddling with the flying gear. "We're going on a little vacation, forever."
A/N: I hope you liked the first chapter of the new story! I am also working on chapters of "Snoggletog Showdown" and "Deviation." Thanks for reading!
***I can't believe I have to say this on FanFiction, but please no soliciting! No, I am not going to commission anyone to make a comic, animation, or concept art of a FAN FICTION. Do you understand that this is fan work, and so there is no money to be made off of this story? Why would I pay someone to make a comic or animation when I don't own the rights to HTTYD?
This never used to be a problem on here, now every other review and message I get is someone trying to get me to pay them for some art. Guess what? I'm an artist, if I wanted to make a comic, do some animation, or concept art, I would do it myself! But again, this is a fan fiction, for something I do not own! It's arguably not worth the time it takes to make a comic or animation, for a fan made work for something I do not own. I welcome reviews of my stories, and I enjoy conversing with other HTTYD fans through messaging, but I will block you if you use the reviews and messaging as a place to solicit! I like the community of HTTYD fans on FanFiction, stop scavenging for money on this site, and take your business elsewhere.***