Starving
Master Shifu meditated in the Hall of Heroes. The slight wind from the side door gently rustled his rusty orange and white fur in the silence. His eyes were closed until he heard the slightest twitch of sound disrupt the air. He smiled in relief. They were back. Po, Tai Lung, and the Furious Five had been gone for six days on a mission to route out some bandits near the Steppes. * He expected them to return within two days and became worried when they took longer. Sending Zeng didn't ease his worry because the goose only said that they were still on the fighting lines on the third day.
But now, he could hear Viper's gentle hissing, the small cricket of a mantis, Tigress and Tai Lung's grunting...
Shifu's eyes snapped open. "Grunting?" He muttered. The felines never had an issue with the steps. In fact, the closer the sounds got, the more Shifu could hear the unmistakable sounds of pain and agony. Shifu shot up from his seat and spun around only for the doors to swing open. His already wide eyes broadened.
The team stood a complete wreck. Viper hung limply around Crane's neck. Mantis was resting on his back atop Monkey's head and puffy right cheek, though the bug seemed like he went through something sticky and slimy. Po hung onto Tigress and Tai Lung with his arms around their shoulders. Tigress's clothes were ripped and tattered, and the snow leopard looked like he had just fought Po again. They all looked like they needed medical aid.
Shifu sniffed the air and narrowed his eyes. He smelt food. Mr. Ping's food. It made sense, they probably had something to eat at Mr. Ping's before they came up. But if they were injured, why didn't they just send Zeng or Mr. Ping up to tell him. And the stains in their clothing didn't look like blood, sweat, or anything else. "What happened?" He asked.
The team froze. Their eyes widened and darted at each other. They all huddled around each other, whispering. Shifu stared in utter confusion until Po finally announced, "Why don't we just all tell him?"
"Why?"
"That way he can't possibly be mad at all of us at the same time. We all get our fair share of yelling," Po weakly smiled. The others groaned but agreed.
"Yelling? I'm... very confused. I thought you were fighting bandits," Shifu exclaimed worriedly. Tai Lung glanced at Tigress who took a sigh and stared at Po. The panda flipped a coin and caught it.
"Tails," He muttered.
"You're first," Tai Lung smirked.
The tiger groaned, straightening herself as best she could with the stiff pain in her side. "We... got to the Steppes just in time. The people were under another attack as we got there."
"But we didn't anticipate the amount of bandits," Tai Lung added.
"There were more than normal?" Shifu asked.
"Lots more, from different bandit groups and they all teamed up," Po said. "It was like fighting an entire army."
"Which we were," Crane explained.
"So we promised that we would stay a little longer and help the Emperor's army there to fight against the bandit horde," Viper said.
"But we didn't realize how long we would be there," Mantis grumbled.
"Which is why you were delayed in returning," Shifu guessed. They all nodded. The red panda stroked his beard. "That explains the time. I imagine that's where the injuries came from. I'm surprised the army didn't offer to heal you first."
The team stared uncomfortably at each other. "Well," Monkey spoke up, "That's... not where we got our injuries from."
"Where did you get them?"
"Well, we didn't plan to be there for that long." Po said, nervously rubbing the back of his head. "And for the first day, we were fighting all day long."
"And that amount of work proved... taxing on our bodies," Tigress joined in.
"And the army didn't have much to spare except a few portions of their own," Tai Lung said.
"The battles destroyed much of the crops there, too," Viper said. Shifu tilted his head. They weren't telling him something. The snake sighed, "So basically-"
"We ran out of food," Mantis interrupted.
"Oh. That's troubling," Shifu said. "I'm guessing the hunger caused your fighting to suffer?"
"Actually... no," Crane answered.
"By the third day, we were kicking their butts extra hard because we were hungry," Po explained.
"We scavenged for food from the bandit camps but it wasn't much. We didn't eat much for three days," Monkey grumbled, "Po's growling stomach kept us up at night."
"I said sorry," Po muttered. "But after the fight, the trip home wasn't any better."
"Why?"
"The area is near the Gobi desert and when we passed around it, there was a famine AND most of the resources were used for the army." Tai Lung answered Shifu. "People gave us what they could, but it was scraps."
Shifu narrowed his eyes. Something wasn't adding up. "So... you didn't get hurt when you fought the bandits, right?" They all nodded. "When did you finally find enough food?"
Every eye glanced at each other until Tigress finally spoke in a small embarrassed tone. "Until we... got to Mr. Ping's shop."
Shifu's eyes widened. "All that way, there wasn't ONE person who gave you a decent meal?!" They all shook their heads. The red panda stroked his beard at this grand puzzle. "You're tired and hungry at this point, but you're not injured. Where did the injuries come in?"
"From... Mr. Ping's shop," Viper said timidly.
"There were bandits at Mr. Ping's shop?" Shifu asked.
"No," They all said.
"But... there was a fight of some kind at Mr. Ping's shop?"
"Yes."
Shifu's head slowly began to connect the dots. He groaned as he covered his head with his hand. "And... all of you were very hungry... weren't you?"
"... Yes," They said in shame.
"So," Shifu groaned, "When I sent Zeng to check on you, you also told him to tell Mr. Ping to have a stockpile of food reserved for you, right?" They all nodded. "Right. So let me guess what happened."
Mr. Ping was serving customers early in the morning. The morning rush was dying down and he was just about to take a rest when he felt his spine shiver. "Li, get the reserve food."
"What? Ping, what's wrong?" The big panda asked.
"I feel... a hunger coming near. A hunger I haven't felt since...," The goose ominously said.
"What?"
"Get the food in the back. I'm going to rearrange the tables." Confused, Li Shan brought out bags of food that the team requested. "Get the food on full fire!"
"Full?! Ping what's going on?"
"Just trust me, Li!"
Before long, the tables were set in a long row, enough for eight people. Mr. Ping and Li Shan started cooking up bean buns and noodles when they heard a loud roar. Their eyes turned to the entryway to see a gaunt, salivating team of kung-fu warriors all gripping their stomachs. "Food, please," Po wearily groaned before collapsing onto the seat. Tigress bumped into Tai Lung several times just on the way to the table as she sat next to Po with Tai Lung, loopy-eyed and delirious, on her other side. Monkey was on Po's left while Crane, Viper, and Mantis sat on the other side. Mr. Ping's noodles were fresh and ready when he took the big pot outside and placed it on the table, quickly giving each of the warriors chopsticks and spoons.
"Thank you!" They all said before digging in. Li Shan's eyes widened. He thought he'd seen pandas eat messily, but this was a different scene.
"Come on! That's not going to hold them!" Mr. Ping shouted at the older panda. "We have to make more. Quick!"
Food poured out of the kitchen. Bean buns, stir-fried tofu, sesame noodles, Secret Ingredient noodles, rice cakes, mixed vegetables, Bao, spinach dumplings, squash, sesame tofu, and steamed broccoli, all came tumbling out of the kitchen as fast as Mr. Ping could get it. He asked Li Shan to get others help to keep up.
The team ravenously gorged on the food. Po snatched a dumpling straight out of Tai Lung's chopsticks. "Hey! Stop that!" The snow leopard dove and grabbed the last rice cake before Po could.
"No fair!"
"Viper, stop taking so much of the plain rice!" Monkey groused, quickly eating the Gobi berries.
"You stop eating the spring rolls!" Viper hissed, stuffing another broccoli down her mouth. Tai Lung's and Po's hands clashed for the last bean bun. They growled at each other but the tiger in between them smashed her fists into their faces and ate it before them.
"Hey! No fair!"
"Stop arguing and eat!" Tigress shouted at the panda. Po spotted the last of the noodles on Tigress's plate. He dove for it but the tiger grabbed his hand and pulled the side of his mouth to keep him from moving. Tai Lung tried to take it, but Tigress's foot on his chest stopped him. "No! NO! That's mine!"
"Not anymore!"
"Mantis!" The three roared as he ate the whole thing. Suddenly, Crane snatched Mantis up and put him in his mouth. "Crane wait!"
"What?
"I'm not a string bean, you idiot!" Mantis shouted from his mouth. The bird spat him out and moved to the next meal.
"Whoa, I never seen them like this," Li Shan said, hustling to get the water for the next round of noodles.
"Pray that you never have to see it again. Now keep up!" Mr Ping shouted.
Po's eyes spotted the Bao and grabbed it. A slithery snake quickly wrapped around his neck and stopped his hand. "No! I saw that first," Viper hissed, quickly snatching it from his hand.
"Viper!" Po pulled her off of his neck and threw her to her side of the table before snatching the tofu.
They ate like this, punching and kicking each other for the last morsel of anything left in front of them.
Shifu groaned as he saw the warriors nodding their heads to what he said. The red panda covered his face. "So... those wounds aren't because you fought any bandits. They're because you ate at break-neck speed and fought each other over food?"
"Yes Master Shifu," They all said, lowering their faces.
"Did you at least pay Mr. Ping?"
"We... actually gave him all of our money. So... we're broke," Crane said, rubbing the back of his neck.
Shifu shook his head, still covering his face. "I... should be disappointed in you all." The red panda suddenly shook as a small noise exited his lips. "But the thought of all you fighting over food like little kids is too humorous! Hahahhahahahahahaha!" His laughing settled down and he smiled at the battered-up crew. "At least you had each other to walk back home. Come, let's get your wounds patched up."
"You're not mad?" Tigress asked.
"No, if anything, it reminds me of myself when I came back from similar missions," Master Shifu smiled. "Come now, sit down in the sick ward and I'll look at your wounds. Next time, in a situation like this, just use the palace money."
"Are you sure you want us to have that?" Tai Lung asked. "Especially with Po around?"
"Actually, you have a point," The red panda murmured.
"I'm right here, guys!" Po protested. The whole team laughed and pulled their mangled bodies over to the sick ward while Zeng brought everyone more food.
Continued...
A/N: I just find this so funny, especially with Tigress, Tai Lung, and Po.
*A/N: So APPARENTLY the Steppes that are North of China are called the Eastern Steppes on the map which I found weird because, yes they're East of the world, but North of China and so I just called them the Steppes.