[A/N: Um…yeah…so I'm going to need to add the "graphic violence" tag to this story. Sorry about that. I promise there's still a ton of fluff coming up in this story, but there's going to be a lot more chaos. I modified the story summary a bit, too, to try to match the current tone of the story better. Tell me what you think! Unless you hate it, in which case tell me to get some whisky first and then tell me what you think. Also, the seven canon books don't specify Luna's birthday, so I'm declaring it to be March 15 because that was my grandmother's birthday and my grandmother was awesome.]

The next morning, Sirius emerged from the floo and bowed to his hosts. "Thank you for your kind welcome," he said.

"Oh, Stubby," Pandora stepped forward and pulled him into a hug. "You need never be formal with us." She was as lovely as ever, but more drawn than he remembered from Hogwarts, as if she had somehow stretched some fundamental part of herself too thin. Her long blonde hair was bound up in a messy bun behind her head.

Xenophilus shook his head. His shoulder-length white hair seemed to be in need of a good washing and his bright orange robes a good dirtying (the latter just to reduce the glare). "Oh, dear, dear me. He may not have shaken the aftereffects of Azkaban yet. Do you have plenty of moon frogs around your current domicile, old friend?"

"I have no idea," Sirius said as he extricated himself from Pandora's embrace. He was tempted to ask if she thought he was really named 'Stubby,' but chose not to due to the risk that she might answer him.

Luna poked her head around the doorway into the floo room. "I don't think I've seen any when I've been at his flat."

"Then we should get him a moon frog attractor!" Xenophilus said. "It's the least we can do for the poor man. Why don't we give him ours? We can always make a new one."

"That's a lovely idea, dear," Pandora said.

"I'll get it!" Luna hurried off.

"Thank you for introducing her to your godson and his friend," Xeno said after Luna left. "She's been so happy since meeting them. Could you give me a hint about why I can't interview them, though? I hadn't intended on it, but once she told me not to, I got curious."

"I'm afraid not, sorry," Sirius said.

Xeno shrugged. "Can't blame me for asking."

"Do be careful, my love," Pandora said. "Remember the fate of my namesake. Luna is happy. Don't ask any questions that might change that."

"You're not at all curious or concerned?" Xeno asked.

Pandora patted him on the cheek. "Of course I am, you silly snorkack. I'm just convinced these children mean our daughter no harm. If trouble finds them anyway, then they probably need Luna's help as much as Luna needs theirs."

"That's a good point," Xeno said.

"For what it's worth," Sirius added, "we're doing our best to keep trouble from finding them."

Pandora smiled sadly. "You know you're doomed to fail, though, right?"

Sirius opened his mouth to disagree with her, but then an image of Harry and Hermione on the sofa as they decided to fix the Wizarding World themselves (and get as many books as they needed to do so) popped into his head. "Oh, Merlin, we are, aren't we?" he said.

"Don't worry too much," Pandora said. "As long as we keep teaching them well, I think they'll do just fine. In fact, I was just thinking last week about how lucky I was to be here to help Luna and watch her discover new things, and I resolved to teach her as many useful spells as I can as soon as she gets her wand. I'm starting with the Featherlight and Shrinking Charms so she can manage her trunk when she goes to Hogwarts eventually."

"That's a good idea," Sirius said, though he had doubts about the ability of common luggage management charms to keep Luna out of trouble. "In fact, that's the main reason I wanted to stop by. Her birthday is coming up soon, isn't it?"

"On March 15th, in just a fortnight," Xeno said.

"Perfect," Sirius said. "One of the kids' other friends didn't get the chance to go to Ollivander's, himself, and I thought I'd volunteer to take both of them along with Luna's new friends, then stop for ice cream to celebrate Luna's birthday."

"That would be lovely!" Pandora said. "Do you need any help managing the children?"

Sirius knew he absolutely needed help managing the children, but also knew from dealing with Pandora in Hogsmeade that she would need at least as much managing as the children would, if not more. "No, thank you, I've got it covered."

"Excellent!" Xeno said. "I think Luna will love it. It's been too long since she had a friend to celebrate a birthday with."

Luna returned just then and presented an object about the size of two cricket balls to Sirius. "I found it!" she said. "Just put it somewhere out-of-the-way in your house and it'll attract moon frogs for you."

Sirius stared at the object in his hands. "Um…so moon frogs are attracted to a small glass pig full of sparkling dust?"

Luna and Xeno nodded enthusiastically.

"Oh. Well, then, thank you!" Sirius said, doing his best to return their enthusiasm before changing the topic. "So, Luna, would you like to go to Diagon Alley with Harry and Hermione on your birthday? One of their other friends will be there, too, and we think you'll get along well. We can get you both wands and then ice cream to celebrate."

"Ice cream, a wand, and a new friend?" Luna grinned. "Best birthday ever!"

Once he returned home, Sirius tossed some floo powder in his fireplace, said, "Hestia's Hideaway," and stuck his head in. About half a minute later, his floo call connected and he saw Hestia's living room though a haze of green fire. The witch herself was there, wearing a bathrobe and holding a cup of tea.

"Sirius? Is everything alright?" she asked. "I wasn't expecting to hear from you today."

"Everything's fine," he said. "I'd like to hire you to help me wrangle four children on a trip to Diagon Alley in a fortnight."

She raised her eyebrows. "You do realise I'm a cursebreaker, right?"

"Yes," Sirius replied. "My first choice would be a babysitter, but I don't know any and a cursebreaker seemed like the next best thing, followed closely by a dragon handler or an Auror."

Hestia stared at him for a moment before bursting into clear, musical laughter. "Oh, very well," she said. "I'll do it."

"Thank you," Sirius said sincerely.

The next night, while Sirius and Hestia were walking Luna back to his flat after their weekly dinner with the Grangers, she stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk about fifty yards from the door of his apartment building and stared at a man in a yellow-and-white striped trenchcoat standing near it. "That man over there has more wrackspurts than anyone I've ever seen," she said.

"Wait, what are wrackspurts?" Hestia asked.

"They're invisible winged flies that float through your ears and fuzzy up your brain," Luna said as the man began to walk toward them.

"Wand out," Sirius said quietly but firmly. "Draw it subtly and hide it in your hand behind Luna's back."

Hestia began coughing so hard she bent nearly double. When she came up, her wand was in the hand she had placed on Luna's back.

"What about you, Sirius Black?" Luna asked as they started walking again.

"I won't draw till he does," Sirius said. "Maybe not even then. Don't be scared, Luna."

"I'm not scared at all," she said. "Unless he's got heliopaths for backup, that is. Those would scare me."

"Do you think he does?" Sirius asked, forcing himself to keep his tone conversational.

Luna screwed up her face in thought for a moment. "No, I'm pretty sure it's just him. He'd have fewer wrackspurts if he had heliopaths supporting him."

"Good," Sirius said.

Hestia looked deeply confused, but didn't get a chance to say anything before the man closed in.

"Good evening!" he said when he got to within about ten yards, flashing them a huge smile. Whoever he was, he had the best teeth Sirius had ever seen. "Tonight's your lucky night, good sir and lovely lady, because tonight's the night you first met me!"

Hestia's jaw dropped. "Gilderoy Lockhart! I am such a huge fan of yours!"

"Of course you are, my dear." The man's smile at her words gave Sirius an inexplicable urge to deck him. "And Lord Black, I am deeply impressed by your expedient of Polyjuicing young Harry here. No wonder no one has found him yet!"

Luna smiled brightly…too brightly, even for her. "I am a very sneaky Harry Potter indeed, Gilderoy Lockhart, but not as sneaky as you are clever!"

"But—" Hestia began.

Sirius cut her off again. "It's been nice to meet you, Mr. Lockhart, but we really do need to get Harry to bed. Perhaps another time?"

"Or perhaps," Lockhart said with a flourish, "right now."

Sirius had fought fast wands during the war, like Snivellus or Dolohov, but the sheer speed with which Lockhart managed to draw a wand still surprised him. Only the muggle "prestidigitator" he'd seen with Lily and James once as a laugh had moved his hands faster. Fortunately, Lockhart lacked the killer instinct of a Death Eater and came up into a fighting stance to aim his wand first, rather than firing spells as he raised it.

That split second was the opening Sirius needed. He transformed into a Grim as Lockhart cast the first Confundus Charm at the space where his chest had been, and before the man could cast a second spell, Sirius lunged forward and sank his teeth all the way into the man's hand.

Lockhart screamed as Sirius whipped his head to the left and right. On that second pull to the right, his pinky and ring fingers came off in Sirius's mouth along with his wand. That was the moment Sirius had been waiting for. The Grim spat them out, transformed back into a human, and hit the still-screaming man with an uppercut that sent him sprawling onto his back.

"Muggle Notice-Me-Not Charm now!" he told Hestia as he drew his wand and cast a silent Full Body-Bind Curse on Lockhart.

The now very pale witch complied and wove her wand around them. In a moment, the handful of concerned faces at windows around them disappeared to go back about their business, the scene on the street forgotten. When she was done, she turned back to Sirius, who had just barely finished using the Wiping Charm to clean the blood from his face.

"What in Merlin's name just happened?" she asked. "Why did a celebrity try to attack us? How did you dodge that? I got an 'O' on my DADA NEWT and I didn't realise I was even in danger until that spell flew past my ear where your head had been."

"I trained as an Auror with James during the war," Sirius said. "That said, Lockjaw or whatever his name is was one of the fastest draws I've ever seen. If he had the killer instinct of someone like Severus Snape or Antonin Dolohov, he would have gotten me. I had a hunch he didn't, though. If that had been Snape or Dolohov, we wouldn't have known he was there until he started casting. This guy is used to manipulating people, but he's not used to fighting them."

"You are, though," Luna said matter-of-factly. "That was a very clever thing you did there."

"That…um…didn't bother you?" Sirius asked.

She shrugged. "I've seen a lot of animals die in the wilderness on trips with Daddy. He was lucky you're not really a wolf or you'd have gone for his throat, not his hand. That always seemed like a painful way to die."

Hestia shuddered. "I can imagine. Now what do we do, though?"

"Now, we take Lockjaw here back to my flat and call Director Bones," Sirius said. "Something is seriously wrong here and I'm going to abuse my title for once and go straight to the top."

"Can I interrogate him for you?" Luna asked. "It would be ever so interesting."

"Not a chance," Sirius said, "though I am going to get you a special present for handling him so well. You didn't even blink when you agreed with his theory that you were really Harry."

"That's a trick I learnt from Daddy," Luna said. "Agree with people and you never know what they might tell you."

"How did you know he was up to something, though?" Hestia asked.

"He was waiting all wrong," Luna said. "Most people look bored when they're waiting, but he looked tense."

"Mobilicorpus," Sirius said, levitating the frozen man. As an afterthought, he pocketed his wand and vanished what was left of his two fingers. "That's incredibly perceptive, Luna. You take after your father in that regard. He often seemed distracted, but nobody ever got the drop on him and I learnt to pay attention to him when he said he saw Slytherins up to no good."

"Thank you!" The girl beamed at the compliment.

Hestia cast another Notice-Me-Not Charm on the floating man and Sirius led them all back to his flat. Once they were safely inside with the door closed, the older witch leaned heavily against the door while the younger wrapped her arms around Sirius's waist.

"Thank you for protecting me from that wizard," Luna said. "I knew you would, but I was still a little scared. He smiled too much."

"It's alright to be scared," Sirius said. "I was, too. You did a great job."

"I did, didn't I?" Luna released Sirius and smiled. "I know Harry Potter isn't really the character from the books, but I'm starting to feel like I'm in them. It's scary, but exciting, too."

"We'll try to keep it boring for you from now on," Sirius said. "Could you maybe downplay this to your parents? I don't want them to keep you from visiting again."

Luna shrugged. "It's not like I was ever in any danger. You had him under control and Hestia Jones had her wand drawn already. She was a bit distracted by wrackspurts, too, but I was ready to punch him in a much more painful spot than you bit him in to buy her the time to cast a spell."

"Um…that's good." Sirius instinctively crossed his legs a little.

The little girl grinned, which somehow made him want to cross his legs even more, but then her eyes focused on the fireplace mantle. "Oh, you put up the moon frog attractor!"

Hestia blinked. "The what?"

"It attracts moon frogs, which help drive away dreams of Dark places like Azkaban," Luna said.

"It's the small glass pig full of sparkling dust," Sirius added.

"Of course it is," Hestia said. "Did you give him that, Luna?"

Luna beamed at her and nodded.

"That was very…nice of you, dear," Hestia said.

Luna's smile got even bigger.

Sirius had to smile a little at that, too. "Yes, it was. I'd better call Amelia now, though. Hestia, are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be," she replied.

"Good enough," Sirius said, and threw a pinch of floo powder into the fire. "Amelia Bones's office."

He stuck his head in and was rewarded with the sight of an elderly wizard glaring at him. "It's after hours," he said. "Director Bones is finishing work and is not to be disturbed."

"Tell her the Lord Black was attacked by someone looking for Harry Potter just now," Sirius replied.

The man jumped to his feet so quickly he knocked over his chair. "Right away!" he said as he ran off. A moment later, the floo connection shifted around Sirius (a disorienting experience that made him appreciate that most people didn't have access to floo forwarding) and Amelia's office came into view.

"What happened, Sirius?" Amelia asked. "Are you still in any danger?"

"I don't think so," Sirius said. "I need your help, though. I've got Gilderoy Lock-something here in a body bind and he said he was looking for Harry before he attacked me."

She stared at him. "If this is your idea of a joke…"

"I swear it's the truth," Sirius said.

"Bloody hell. Clear the floo, then. I'll be there shortly."

"Will do." Sirius cut the connection. "Amelia's coming."

"The Director herself?" Hestia asked.

"Someone who is evidently a celebrity is hunting down another celebrity," Sirius said. "She has to be involved."

The witch sighed. "My life is like this now, isn't it?"

"You've accumulated a lot of wrackspurts tonight, Hestia Jones," Luna said. "Sirius Black is an excellent wrackspurt repellent, though. He hardly has any now, even though I think he had a lot in the past. If you spend more time with him, I think he can help you drive them away."

Hestia's cheeks pinked, but before Sirius could ponder that the floo flared to life again. "Permission to come through?" Amelia asked.

"Boss, that's a warm scene!" another voice said.

"I'm not some helpless bureaucrat, Savage," she said.

Sirius tapped the runes on the fireplace and the older witch stepped smoothly through. Two men in Auror robes followed her.

"Lord Black," Amelia said, "these are Aurors Savage and Gillingham."

Sirius bowed. "I bid you welcome to my home," he said. "This is Hestia Jones, a freelance cursebreaker in my employ, and young Luna Lovegood. We have a man claiming to be Gilderoy Lock-something over there who inquired if Luna was a Polyjuiced Harry Potter and then attacked us."

Amelia looked over their captive. "Yes, I think that's really him, unless he's Polyjuiced. Damn it, this is going to be all over the papers. Lord Black, would you mind if we used separate rooms of your house to obtain witness statements?"

"Not at all," Sirius said. "Luna, do you want me to call your parents to be present?"

"No, thank you. I don't think that will be necessary." Luna fixed her slightly protuberant grey eyes on Amelia. "I trust Director Bones."

"You knew I was going to interview you?" Amelia seemed too surprised to stop herself from asking the question.

"Of course," Luna said. "Why wouldn't you?"

"Go easy on her, alright?" Sirius asked.

"She's a minor who's not a suspect in any sort of crime," Amelia said stiffly. "What kind of person do you think I am?"

Sirius smirked. "I was talking to Luna."

"Don't worry," Luna said. "Poor Director Bones has enough wrackspurts already. I don't want to add to them."

Amelia blinked.

"Thank you, Luna," Sirius said.

Savage finished interviewing Sirius after about ten minutes, and they waited only another couple of minutes before Gillingham and Hestia came out of the kitchen where she'd been providing her story. It took another ten minutes for Amelia to emerge with Luna, though, and the Director looked a little glassy-eyed.

"You're free to go, dear," she told Luna. The girl skipped to the fireplace, waved to everyone, and vanished in a puff of green flame.

"Are you alright, Amy?" Sirius asked.

"That was the most comprehensive witness statement I've ever taken," Amelia said. "She went into incredible detail. She also spent nearly as much time asking me questions."

"She's a special one, our Luna," Sirius said.

"That's putting it mildly." Amelia shook her head, as if dislodging cobwebs. "All right. Savage, Gillingham, we'll need to compare notes at the station, but I'm willing to take Lockhart in just on the strength of the girl's statement and Lord Black's summary. I'm classifying this case as high-security and I'll need you two to make an oath immediately not to reveal any of this information."

Savage scowled, but nodded. Gillingham said, "Oaths worry me, Boss. Is that really necessary?"

"Yes, it is," she said firmly.

"Thank you," Sirius said. "I appreciate the care for Harry's safety. When will you interrogate this guy? I'd like to take advantage of my lordship to attend."

"Probably tomorrow afternoon," Amelia said. "We'll have to give him time to acquire an attorney."

"I'll bring my own, as well," Sirius said. "I want this guy in Azkaban at a minimum."

"I understand," Amelia said.

Sirius locked eyes with her. "I don't think you do. I'm not sure what this guy wanted to do to us tonight, but I promise you it wasn't the first time he's done it. He's a danger to all of us if he's freed."

She nodded. "I fear you're right."

After the Aurors left, Hestia sat down heavily on the sofa. "Do you have anything strong?" she asked.

"Isaac gave me some of his favourite Scotch whisky," Sirius replied. "I'll get you a glass."

A few minutes later, Sirius sat down next to her and handed her a healthy pour of Glenfarclas 25. "There you go, my dear." He held up his glass. "To surviving the evening."

"I'll drink to that," Hestia said, and they both took a healthy sip of the whisky.

Hestia shivered at the alcohol, then raised the glass and took a closer look at the liquid. "This is superb whisky. You say the muggles make it?"

"Indeed, and it's not even as expensive as some inferior Wizarding spirits," Sirius said.

"Impressive." Hestia took another sip. "Damn it, Sirius. I don't want to just survive next time. I want to win."

"Do you want me to train you?" Sirius asked. "There's a duelling room in the basement of 12 Grimmauld Place that we could use once we clean it out." He took another sip of whisky. Damn, Isaac had good taste.

"I couldn't ask you to do that," Hestia said.

"I'm offering."

She took a drink of whisky and turned away. "Why do you have to be such a good person, Sirius Black?"

He shrugged. "Why do you never hesitate to protect a child, Hestia Jones?"

Still turned away, Hestia took a long pull of her whisky. "I should…Merlin, this is good whisky. I mean, really, I have to compliment Isaac. Anway, I should go."

"I understand," Sirius said. "It's been a longer night than we anticipated."

"Yeah, that." Her laugh was brittle and short, not the clear and musical sound to which Sirius had become accustomed. She drained the rest of the glass, placed it on the coffee table in front of them, and then rose to go.

"Are you OK?" Sirius asked. "I'm really sorry for dragging you into all of this. I know it's not what you—"

"I'm fine, really," Hestia said. "And I promise you, I wouldn't change a thing about anything except myself." She still wasn't looking at him, which gave him a chance to appreciate her incredible arse. He had no idea what she meant about changing herself, but he would have words with anyone who thought her arse needed to be changed in any way.

"That's…um…good? I guess?" Sirius said.

"I'll live," she said drily. "Good night, Sirius."

"Good night," he said as she disappeared into the floo. He took another drink of his whisky as he stared at the normal, red flames in the fireplace, followed by another. He had no idea what had just happened or if he'd done the right thing, and neither the silence of the room nor the mostly empty glass had any answers for him.

Once it was entirely empty, Sirius rose and walked to the floo. He was going to owe Ted a fortune for the next eighteen hours, but if it protected Harry it would be worth every penny.

As a Lord, Sirius could not only demand his own trial take place before the Wizengamot, but that the trial of anyone accused of attacking him take place in the same venue. He felt like an arsehole for taking advantage of that now, but Lockhart had started this and Sirius was damn well going to finish it.

Ted immediately understood the stakes and threw himself into planning to question Lockhart. By the time Chief Warlock Ogden was ready to act as a magistrate judge overseeing the man's questioning that afternoon, Sirius had a whole list of questions to give Amelia, as well as justifications for each question should Lockhart's attorney object.

And object he did. Silas Herndon was as slippery an attorney as Sirius had ever seen, and he very carefully kept the Veritaserum questioning focused on the events of the previous evening. That questioning quickly revealed Lockhart was the author of the Harry Potter Adventures series (under the pseudonym Gilda R. Locke) and had intended to Obliviate all of their memories related to how Harry had grown up, including Harry's. That level of Obliviation was guaranteed to cause serious personality damage, so Lockhart was already looking at a twenty-year stay in Azkaban at a minimum.

It was Ted who put his finger on what was bothering Sirius about that. If this was what the lawyer was willing to see revealed, then what was Lockhart hiding?

Finally, Amelia asked the last question on the list they'd prepared for her. "Mr. Herndon, please tell your client Lord Black was impressed with his speed drawing his wand, and wanted to know how he'd learnt to do it so quickly."

"Objection: irrelevant," Hendon said immediately. "Everyone knows my client is an master at defence against the Dark Arts."

"I disagree," Amelia said. "This goes to the level of premeditation in this crime: how long was he planning to attack Lord Black, and how much did he prepare to do so."

"Objection overruled," Ogden said. "I agree that this is relevant to premeditation."

Herndon gritted his teeth, leaned inside the Quiet Bubble in which Lockhart was seated, and asked his client the question.

"I've been practising for years," Lockhart replied. "That's how I Obliviated all of my interviewees."

Everyone's jaws dropped except for Herndon's, who just sighed.

It took some careful manoeuvring on Sirius and Ted's part to keep Luna and Hestia out of the public eye, but some other laws written to privilege wealthy Lords (and help them hide their mistresses) came in handy and he was able to have that part of the case record suppressed. Lockhart was thrown through the Veil and an attorney from the Wizengamot began the complex task of contacting the man's victims and sorting out compensation.

Sirius envied the man only a little as he apparated into the Grangers' backyard that evening. This was going to be awkward.

Miranda let him in the back door just as the kids came downstairs. "What's up?" Harry asked. "You don't usually come by on Thursdays."

"Something happened last night that we need to talk about," Sirius said. "All of us."

"Then we're going to need tea," Miranda said firmly.

Once they all had a cup of tea and were seated together in the living room, Sirius gave them a blow-by-blow of what happened. When he was finished, Isaac and Miranda looked horrified. The kids, though, looked furious.

"Great job ripping his fingers off!" Harry said. "I hope I'll be that fast when I grow up."

"And good job ensuring he'll never hurt anyone again," Hermione added.

"Children!" Miranda said. "You shouldn't be congratulating Sirius on that. I'm glad he's alright, but that's not something to congratulate him on."

"That's not what W.E. Fairbairn wrote in his books, Mother," Hermione said.

Isaac blinked. "Where have you been finding books by Fairbairn?"

"Well, you wouldn't let us buy them because you said they were too violent," Hermione said, "so Harry had them sent to the local library and we read them there."

Harry nodded vigorously. "The librarian said his Da was a Commando in the War and loaned us some of his books, too, when we said we wanted to learn more about how the Commandos fought."

"We weren't going to tell you," Hermione said, "but it didn't seem fair to let you admonish Sirius for doing what was technically correct…or would have been if Mr. Fairbairn had known about animagi."

"Yeah, Sirius is awesome and protected Luna and Miss Hestia," Harry said.

Miranda looked plaintively at Sirius. "They're children. How can you be alright with this?"

"I'm not!" Sirius shot back. "I know exactly what Lily and James wanted for their baby, and this isn't it! But they're dead now because none of us were paranoid enough. This is ugly, but I wanted you all to know the truth because that's the best chance they have of outliving his parents."

"What kind of world are you bringing these children into?" Isaac asked.

"It's our world, Father," Hermione said. "Sirius has already told us that we can't safely walk away. So we're going to make it safe, instead."

"Laws first," Harry said. "I suggested piracy first, but Hermione convinced me that should be a last resort."

"It's not off the list entirely, though," Hermione said. "After all, King David was basically a land-based pirate for some of his younger years, to say nothing of Robin Hood and all of the other people who've been accused of piracy or brigandage over the centuries because they had a falling-out with authority figures. I mean, in our history books, Sir Francis Drake is described as a hero, but wouldn't the Spanish call him a pirate?"

"An awesome pirate," Harry said firmly.

"Laws should definitely come first," Isaac said quickly.

"I'm not at all comfortable with this," Miranda said.

Sirius sighed. "I'm not, either, but my generation and our parents before us screwed up terribly and left these kids a rotten world. It's not fair that they have to clean it up, but I want to help them so their kids don't end up with a world like that, too."

"Did you have to be quite so…descriptive, though?" Isaac asked. "That was a little gruesome for children."

"It's OK, Father," Hermione said. "Mr. Fairbairn was even more descriptive."

"I…don't feel better about that," Miranda said.

"Harry, Hermione, I want you to listen to me," Sirius said. "I don't want you learning how to permanently damage people before you're ready to accept that responsibility."

"Don't worry," Harry said. "We're not practising those parts."

"You're…practising?" Isaac asked.

"Of course we are, Father," Hermione said. "How else would we ensure we'd learnt what was in the book properly?"

Harry leapt to his feet. "Show them on me!"

"OK," Hermione said. She rose to her feet and allowed Harry to wrap his arms around her in a bear hug. "First," she said, "you rake your shoe down his shin painfully and stomp on his instep. At that point, he's probably going to lean forward, so you can bite him in the ear. If he leans backward, instead, you can grab his testicles and twist."

Sirius and Isaac both instinctively crossed their legs.

"It's OK," Harry said. "We don't bite or grab each other. We just mimic the movements so we know how."

Miranda looked a little pale. "Um…maybe we should enrol you in martial arts, dear."

"Why?" Hermione asked. "We've several books by Mr. Fairbairn."

"Some adult supervision while you're practising might help," Miranda said.

Hermione looked sceptical, so Isaac added, "Besides, those books are from World War II. The state of the art, as it were, may have improved since then."

"He's right," Harry said. "We could probably learn to fight even better from someone with newer techniques."

"What if we just got newer books?" Hermione asked.

"I'm sure the martial arts school will have some recommendations," Miranda said. That seemed to finally mollify Hermione, who reluctantly nodded.

Hermione had trouble sleeping that night from worrying about what had happened to Sirius. A million different ideas raced through her head about people trying to abduct them or take their memories, and the clock at her bedside read 1:01 a.m. when she heard a creak on the stairs. Her heart leapt briefly into her throat before the stairs creaked again, this one slightly further down. Whoever it was, they were going downstairs, away from her.

Her curiosity now piqued and her veins too full of adrenaline to make sleep even a remote possibility, she slipped out of bed, put on her bathrobe and slippers, and swung her door open as quickly as she could to reduce the hinges creaking. As she crept downstairs, someone turned the kitchen sink on for a few seconds.

Harry was sitting on the sofa sipping a glass of water when she walked into the room. He jumped a little when he saw her and hastily wiped up some spilt water from the sofa with the sleeve of his pyjamas.

"Hi, Hermione," he said sheepishly. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I couldn't sleep," she said. "I heard someone going downstairs and wanted to see what was going on."

"I couldn't sleep, either," Harry said, "so I got a cup of water."

"Why didn't you do that upstairs in the loo?" Hermione sat down next to him as she spoke, moving slowly so as not to jostle his water.

"I wanted to sit and think somewhere, and this seemed like a good place," he said. It's nice to be able to see the bushes and trees in the backyard at night. They look cool."

"Is there anything you want to talk about?"

He sighed. "Luna and Sirius and Miss Hestia were in danger because of me. What if you're in danger, too?"

"No," Hermione said firmly, "they were in danger because that Lockhart person didn't like being called out on the lies in his books. If allowing people to lie in books is the price of being safe, then I refuse to pay it."

Harry put his water down on a coaster and pulled her into a hug so tight she could barely breathe. "Don't say that," he whispered. "You're my best friend. I can't lose you."

She hugged him back for awhile before speaking. "I'm scared, too. But…if we're so busy being afraid that we can't do what's important to us, then what's the point of being alive?"

"Being with you," Harry said immediately.

Her breath caught in her throat. "Oh, Harry!" she said, and hugged him as tightly as he'd been hugging her.

They stayed like that for a minute or so before her arms got tired and she had to release him. He took a deep breath when she relaxed her grip, and she wasn't sure if she felt bad for constricting his airflow or touched that he'd suffered reduced oxygen rather than asking her to release him.

"That was a lovely thing to say, but you know we can't hide away forever," Hermione said.

He nodded. "It didn't work for my parents."

"Oh! I'm so sorry, I didn't even think—"

"No, it's fine. You're right. We can't hide away and we can't just…not live, either."

"Exactly. We're going to live, Harry, and when we're done with that it'll be my turn to meet your parents."

Harry sniffled. "They're going to love you, I promise."

"I'm going to love them, too," Hermione said.

They sat for awhile after that in silence. She didn't remember falling asleep, but she must have at some point because she awoke to the first light of dawn with her head on a pillow against the left arm of the sofa and Harry asleep on her thigh.

She roused him gently and they crept back upstairs before her parents noticed they were gone. She was sore and had a feeling she was going to have trouble staying awake in school that day, but it was still somehow the best night's sleep she'd ever had, and one look in Harry's sparkling green eyes told her he felt the same way.