"Scribe! Wilt thou publish another chapter this night?"

"Gah! Don't just appear like that, Gwendolena! That's terrifying."

"Nay, 'terrifying' shall be mine countenance if I must go another week without finding out what in Heaven's Name happened in the previous chapter. I hast read it thrice and am still most sorely vexed."

"OK, OK, fine, I'll post another chapter."

"Good. I look forward to learning more about my descendant's cunning."

"This time was really more Hermione's cunning than his."

"'Tis but a trifle. I expect some descendants from her soon enough, as well, so I am content."

"Aren't you perhaps getting ahead of things? They're eleven."

"And I am six hundred. In a mere one percent of my existence, perhaps two at most, I shall have the most adorably-haired great-great-very-great grandbabies to adore. I cannot wait. So write faster!"

"Fine, fine. Pushy ghost."

"What didst thou say?"

"Nothing."

"I thought not."

As soon as Percy disappeared into the floo, Harry, Hermione, and Luna launched into a group hug. "That was amazing!" Harry shouted. "You're all fantastic."

"You absolutely are," Charlie said, "but I need to finish my part." His head disappeared into the floo for a moment.

When he re-emerged, his eyes were wide. "I did it," he said. "I told him off and I'm never going back there. Merlin, I'm never going back there!"

Harry was just tall enough and Charlie just short enough that Harry could give him a clap on the shoulder. "Congratulations! Now, we should probably get back to the Tonks's house. You have a girlfriend there that you haven't seen at all today."

Charlie grinned. "I can't wait to see my girlfriend, whom I haven't seen for days. Luna, I'll never be able to thank you enough for this."

"I was happy to help," she said. "I look forward to one day meeting this girlfriend of yours, too, because I've never seen her, myself." She winked.

Hermione sighed. "Luna, who taught you subtlety?"

"Daddy," Luna replied.

"Oh." Hermione furrowed her brows, then shrugged. "In that case, you're doing a wonderful job."

"Thank you!" Luna said. "It was great seeing all of you today."

"It was great seeing you, too," Harry said. "Thank you for putting up with all of this on short notice. Oh, and do you want to visit Neville with us sometime? He has lots of cool green—"

"Yes," Luna said quickly. "That would be lovely. Just let me know when you're going and how often you'd like to go."

"We will," Harry said.

Luna gave him another hug. "Thank you!"

They said one last round of farewells before Harry went through the floo, followed by Hermione. Tonks scooped each of them up from the floor on her end in turn and into a tight hug.

"Thank you both!" she said. "You're amazing. I can't say that enough. You're both amazing."

"We just wanted to help," Harry said. Hermione's bushy mass of hair made a nodding motion, so he assumed that she was agreeing.

Charlie came out of the floo next and pulled them all into a crushing hug. "Thank you!" he said. "That was an amazing rescue mission, Tonks. Harry, Hermione, thank you for helping her. You're the best babysittees ever."

Tonks laughed. "Helped? They came up with most of that plan, and Hermione was the one who guessed you were potioned."

"They came up with it? They're not even in Hogwarts!"

"It was mostly Hermione," Harry said. "We're pirates, so we stole you back from whoever stole you from Tonks."

"You are excellent pirates, then." Charlie released the hug and fumbled around in his hip pocket. "I'm dying to know how in Merlin's name you pulled that off, but I'm not waiting another minute to do this." He knelt down on one knee and pulled out a velvet box.

Tonks lowered Harry and Hermione to the floor and glared down at Charlie. "You went back to The Burrow for that?"

Hermione frowned and nodded. "Yes, while Percy was unconscious. We tried to stop him…at least, Luna and I did. Harry wanted to go with him and help him fight off anyone who tried to stop him."

Charlie shrugged. "I know, I know," he told Tonks, "but I put a Locking Charm on my door as soon as I apparated in. It would have taken Mum a minute to realise I was there and come upstairs, then a bit more time to undo the Locking Charm. I just wanted to grab a few things, and this one in particular. I shouldn't have waited to do this, but I wanted to try to bring my parents around first. That was stupid of me and I'm not waiting anymore. Tonks, no matter who you choose to be, you're always going to be the person for me. Will you marry me?"

Tonks put her hands over her mouth and stifled a cry. "You bloody plonker," she told him, fighting sobs, "that wasn't worth the risk. I don't need a ring."

"But you deserve one," he said. "Besides, Corey told me the exchange of the ring acts as the binding for the engagement bond now that we don't use marriage contracts or life debt settlements anymore."

Harry decided that was the perfect time to look anywhere in the whole room but at Hermione, and out of the corner of his eye, he could tell she'd come to the same conclusion.

"After this past fortnight," Charlie continued, "I want to lock down the bond any way I can."

"I'm pretty sure it's an old witches' tale that wedding bonds can overcome emotion potions," Tonks said.

Charlie shrugged. "Could be. I'll take anything, though." He coughed. "Um…so about that proposal…"

"Of course I'll marry you, you bellend!" Tonks said. "Now promise me you'll never risk yourself for a piece of jewellery again and kiss your fiancée."

"I promise." He grinned as he stood up, slipped the ring onto her finger, and kissed her. As their kiss deepened, a ribbon of golden light wound around their joined hands for a second or so before evaporating. After about thirty seconds, Harry got bored, so he plopped down on the sofa. Hermione shrugged and sat down next to him, a wistful smile on her face as she watched Tonks and Charlie kiss.

That was the moment Harry realised Hermione was becoming a girl, and he worried she might not want to have adventures anymore. Then he realised that was a bloody stupid thing to worry about because she'd planned most of today's adventure. All of those television shows that implied girls didn't like adventures were clearly as full of it as Hermione had always said they were.

Harry smiled. Hermione was at least as much of a pirate as he was, if not moreso, she just wouldn't admit it to herself. He'd have to work on that…and stop watching those stupid television shows, too.

Eventually, Tonks and Charlie stopped kissing. "I know this isn't romantic," Charlie said, "but do you think you could tell me what in Merlin's name happened today? I'm really glad you were able to help me, but I have no idea how you did it."

"Sure," Tonks gestured to a wingback chair. Charlie plopped down onto it and his fiancée curled up in his lap.

"Hermione," Tonks said, "would you like to begin? It was mostly your plan."

Hermione nodded and sat up straight. "Once we decided that something needed to be done, I started by taking an inventory of our assets. Harry and I can cast a few spells, but overall I didn't think we stood a whelk's chance in a supernova of winning a frontal assault on your house."

"A what?" Charlie asked.

"A whelk's chance in a supernova," Hermione repeated, the ghost of a smile on her face.

"What's a supernova?" Charlie asked.

"An exploding star, like the sun." As if quoting something, she continued, "It explodes at almost half the speed of light and burns with the brightness of a billion suns and then collapses as a superheavy neutron star."

"Then how could a whelk stand a chance in one?" Charlie asked.

"It couldn't," Hermione said placidly. "Literally nothing could."

Charlie blinked. "Then why a whelk in particular?"

"Why not a whelk?" Hermione managed to hold her straight face for only about two seconds after she finished that question, then broke down into giggles.

Harry rolled his eyes. "That made your whole month, didn't it?"

"I've been waiting to do that to someone for a year!" Hermione was full-on cackling with glee at this point.

"I feel like I missed something," Charlie said.

"You and me both," Tonks said.

"Hermione does stuff like that sometimes," Harry said. "Anyway, we decided that we needed a subtle approach, especially if we didn't want to get anyone in trouble. Tonks made a quick run to an apothecary in Diagon Alley first to get a Purging Potion while Hermione and I went to Luna's house, which we knew was near yours. Luna was happy to help and let me lure her away from the floo so Tonks could come through. Once she was through, Tonks shifted into Hermione and transfigured her clothes to match."

"So that wasn't Hermione we met in the front yard?" Charlie asked.

"Nope, that was me." Tonks gave him a kiss on the nose.

Harry nodded. "Exactly. Luna lured you inside, then I surprised Percy in the foyer while Tonks (in the form of Hermione) stunned him, followed by a quick Human Mobility Charm to gently lower him to the floor so you didn't hear him fall. She then shifted into his form and matched his clothes."

"Meanwhile," Hermione said, "Luna was making you think the water glasses on the counter contained the potion. That let Tonks act like she was working with your mother and earn your trust by preventing you from drinking them."

"I also cast a Diagnostic Charm on you," Tonks said. "You might have felt a tingle as I came up behind you, but I wanted to double-check that you really had been potioned and the Diagnostic Charm found both Hostility and Loyalty Potions in your system. Luna seemed pretty sure when you landed, but I didn't want to make you sick. "

"That's when I actually showed up," Hermione said. "I came around the corner and distracted you while Tonks poured the Purging Potion into the glass she'd filled for you. After you drank it, she slipped away, so at no time did Luna see her in her natural form or two of any of us."

"That way," Harry added, "even if Percy does call the Aurors, Luna can testify truthfully that she has no reason to believe Tonks was present. Sure, she might have been, but you could probably say that about any crime."

"Wow," Charlie said. "You make an impressive team. I really appreciate you going out on a limb for me like that."

"Nobody should lose their free will," Hermione said. "I'm glad we did it and I'd do it again."

"Same here," Harry said.

Charlie grinned. "I know all of those Harry Potter Adventures books were lies, but I never expected that the truth was that you and your friends were even more awesome than you were in the books."

Harry leaned back and laced his fingers behind his head. "That's probably because they didn't know we were pirates."

"For once," Hermione said, "we really were, weren't we?"

Tonks grinned. "We certainly stole Charlie's booty."

"Yarr!" Harry pumped his fists in the air while Charlie started tickling Tonks.

"Pirate life forever!" Tonks shouted between tickles.

"There are so many jokes I can't make in front of them about my booty," Charlie grumbled.

"Make them anyway!" Harry said.

"Please don't," Hermione said.

"I don't want to get Tonks in trouble," Charlie said.

"Speaking of getting into trouble," Harry said, "I'd rather not. We need a plan for that."

Hermione stuck her chin in the air. "I'm willing to get in trouble for doing the right thing."

"Me, too," Harry said quickly, "but I don't think we have to."

"I agree," Charlie said. "I have a plan that I suspect is similar to Harry's, but if we do it this way, none of you will ever get any credit for helping me."

Harry and Hermione looked at each other and shrugged. "I don't care," Harry said.

"Me, neither," Hermione said. "The important thing is that you and Tonks aren't being kept apart anymore."

"Are you sure?" Tonks asked.

"Of course!" Harry said.

Harry could tell the moment that Andromeda, Ted, Sirius, Hestia, Isaac, and Miranda each noticed Charlie sitting with Tonks on the sofa as they came in, because minute expressions of surprise registered on each of their faces.

"Hello, everyone." Charlie and Tonks rose to his feet as he spoke, hand in hand. "I don't think I know all of you, but I'm Charlie Weasley."

After everyone introduced themselves, he continued, "I apologise for barging in on Tonks's babysitting session like this, but after what happened to me, I didn't want to wait another minute. When I went home for Easter hols, I told my parents I wanted to propose to Tonks. My mother didn't want me to and slipped me a Hostility Potion keyed to her. She's been dosing me regularly since then, but it faded just enough that I slipped to Diagon Alley to buy a Purging Potion and get rid of the rest of it. As soon as I was clean, I hurried here to propose. Tonks is the most important thing in the world to me and I didn't want to risk anything else coming between us. No matter what happens now, at least she knows I love her."

"Merlin!" Andromeda paled and pulled Tonks and Charlie into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Charlie. I never wanted Nymphadora to have to go through what Ted and I did when we got engaged. That's horrifying. Will you press charges?"

He shook his head. "No, I just can't bring myself to do it. She's my Mum. Also, the Purging Potion purged the evidence."

"Excuse me," Miranda said, "is this sort of thing common in the Wizarding World?"

"It's technically illegal," Ted said, "but most people treat these sorts of potions as joke items rather than serious crimes. Also, it's considered normal for parents to exercise a level of control over their children that most muggles would find weird, if not reprehensible."

"We used to treat them as jokes, too," Sirius said. "Then Lily taught us the error of our ways in Third Year. Brutally. I'm not proud that it took us that long to realise it, but we never used those potions again."

Harry and Hermione shared a look and she nodded. Good. That meant she was adding these potions to The List.

Andromeda released them from her embrace and stepped back to stand with her husband and give them a little space. "So you're engaged now?" she asked.

Tonks nodded excitedly, her hair shifting to a bubblegum pink, and held up her hand. "Yes, we are. Charlie insisted on getting me a ring."

"Congratulations!" Sirius said, and the other adults echoed him.

"Thank you!" Charlie said. "Would you mind if I stayed here for the remainder of the holidays? I don't have any place to go."

"Of course not!" Ted said. "You're going to be family."

"Fantastic!" Sirius said. "I can't put your grandmother Cedrella back on the Family Tapestry, since I can only work the reinstatement magic on living family members, but I look forward to having another Weasley on it."

Charlie grinned. "I remember her telling us about that. If she were still with us, I think she'd like that, too, to stick it to old Arcturus if nothing else."

"Sticking it to old Arcturus is a great reason to do pretty much anything," Sirius said. "Let me know if you have any other ideas."

"That's fine," Hestia said, "but before you start thinking of anything involving dragons, other Class XXXXX beasts, or large muggle bombs, please remember I have veto power on these ideas."

"You do?" Sirius asked.

She raised her eyebrows.

"She does," Sirius said.

"Thank goodness," Miranda muttered.

As the conversation drifted off to other topics, Harry turned to Hermione and shot her a small grin, to which she responded in kind. They'd gotten away with it. He made a mental note to remind Luna not to tell anyone about their adventure when they returned home.

That night, Harry didn't even bother asking Hermione if she wanted to meet up after bedtime. All he did was say "Midnight?" to her and she nodded, and that was that.

At the appointed time, he crept downstairs and found Hermione already on the sofa, staring out into the night.

"You were right," she whispered as he sat down next to her. "It's peaceful to look out into the night like this. I needed peace tonight."

"I did, too," Harry said. "That was awful. You were brilliant, though."

"We were all brilliant," Hermione corrected. "It was a true team effort."

"That you came up with mostly by yourself," Harry said. "You're a great pirate."

She sighed. "I wish I didn't have to be. What's wrong with this world, Harry?"

"It seems like too many people who tell each other they're God," he replied. "I know Mrs. Weasley didn't like Tonks, but what kind of person thinks they have the right to mind control their son?"

"I don't know." Hermione shuddered. "What if someone does that to us?"

"We'll have to learn that spell Tonks used to test Charlie," Harry said. "And I promise I'll always be your friend, so if that ever stops, you'll know something's wrong."

"I promise I'll always be your friend, too," Hermione said. "And I definitely want to learn that spell."

"We'll get Tonks to teach us over the summer." He paused. "Is something else bothering you?"

Hermione's normally dark skin darkened even further…was she blushing? "It's stupid," she said.

Harry shrugged. "I'm stupid most of the time, so I'll be a good person to talk to."

"You're not stupid," Hermione said.

"Weren't you just complaining that I was trying to use logic to prove Southampton had the best footie team in the First Division?"

"Oh. OK, that was kind of stupid."

"So you'll tell me?"

She sighed. "I'll tell you. But I want to go on the record as saying that I don't believe you convinced me to do this by convincing me you were stupid. Anyway, I was just having a girly moment and wondering if anyone was ever going to get me an engagement ring like that."

"Oh."

The silence stretched on until Hermione spoke up again. "Harry? What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't think of that at all. I'll bet there's lots of stuff that Charlie is doing for Tonks that I'm not doing for you."

Hermione started coughing, doing her best to keep it quiet so she didn't wake her parents.

"Are you alright?" Harry asked.

"I'm fine," she croaked out after a moment. After a little more coughing, she continued, "Harry, listen. I was being silly a bit ago. One of these days, if we decide we really might want to get married, we'll discuss what kind of expectations we have about that. I don't expect a ring from you yet, and we may eventually decide that you never need to get me one."

"Nope," Harry said. "You wanted a ring, so you're getting a ring. That's that. And also a horse."

She blinked. "You…remembered that?"

"I absolutely remembered that," Harry said. "Apparently, I'm super-wealthy once I get access to more than just my trust account. I know my parents would want me to use that money responsibly, and I mostly will. However, I also get the impression from Sirius that my father was so obsessed with my mother that he would have gotten her an entire herd of horses if she'd mentioned liking them, so I think they'll understand if I use some of that money to buy you a horse."

"Huh." Hermione thought for a moment. "That does sound in-character for your father based on what Sirius has said about him. You really don't have to buy me a horse, though."

"I know." Harry shrugged. "But what else am I going to do with the money?"

"Literally anything," Hermione replied.

Harry stuck his tongue out at her. "I meant what else am I going to do with it that's anywhere near as important as getting you something you like?"

She paused for a moment. "You know, I think you taught me something very important just now."

"I did?" Harry cocked his head at her sceptically.

"You did," Hermione said. "I was so focused on the ring after what happened today that I forgot it's just a symbol, and the fact that you remembered the horse is just as good of a symbol. To be clear, you don't need to get me either a ring or a horse. It really is the thought that counts."

"Oh." Harry furrowed his brows. "I don't think I understand, so I'll get you a ring and a horse to be on the safe side."

"I think you will understand eventually, and when you do, you'll see that you don't have to get me anything."

"I believe you," Harry said, "but you realise I'm going to do it anyway, though, right?"

Hermione sighed. "Yes, I do."

"Good." He gave her a quick one-armed hug. "Did you want to sleep down here or go back upstairs? Last time was cosy, but we nearly got caught."

"Let's go back upstairs." Hermione gave him a peck on the cheek.

"What was that for?" Harry asked.

"Being far more romantic than you have any right to be, even if you never do get around to getting me any rings or horses."

He shrugged. "I'll take your word for it."

In an old house all the way across London, Dobby awoke from his light slumber, sniffed the air around the little dog bed his wonderful master had bought for him, and smiled.