[A/N: Posting one day early. Happy Birthday, Hermione!]

Scribe, I hath a question for thee.

What's on your mind, Gwendolena?

The opening of thy previous chapter referenced a broom, and this one doth do so again. Is there some sort of reference to events of thine own time that I am missing as I peruse thy work?

Yes, several, sorry. I always forget what you do and don't know from your internet research. Are you familiar with a website called TV Tropes?

Nay. Would that have information of use to me?

Definitely. I'll create a bookmark for you.

Thank you, kind sir.

You're welcome…and she's gone again. I hope that wasn't a bad idea.

"Merlin's pants!" Remus swore as he dashed out of the row and back toward the Time Chamber. As he reached the door, his Tripwire Charm at the door of the DoM went off, too.

That was a bad sign, but not so bad that Remus didn't remember to cast a Muffling Charm around himself and pull out his conjured sunglasses again. As he made his way back through the Time Chamber, his eyes fell upon the Time Turner case and he had an idea.

The case was surprisingly unprotected. Its door was spelled shut, but the glass wasn't even remotely impervious or protected by a monitoring charm or runic ward. Remus transfigured his sunglasses into full eye protection, shifted his grip on his wand to expose a bit more of the butt, and used it to smash the glass on the case. As he did so, the Tripwire Charm on the elevator went off again.

That served as a reminder of his precarious situation, so he quickly reached in, took the Time Turner in the upper left, and then cast a Mending Charm on the case door. Once it was fixed, he rewound the Time Turner precisely one turn. A cascade of that diamond light surrounded him, but he could just barely make out the events of the previous hour in that room as time spun backwards in his hand. Besides his own passage, nothing interesting seemed to have occurred.

As soon as he got his bearings in the past, Remus smashed the glass again, used his robe to wipe off any fingerprints he might have left on the Time Turner, placed the device on the same hook as its past self, and cast another Mending Charm on the case. He then Disillusioned himself, suppressed his scent, and silenced his steps and breathing. Once he was sure he'd be undetectable even to himself, he exited the room, thanking Merlin that he hadn't cast any Human-Presence-Revealing Charms that evening. (He'd considered it, but decided to trust in his stealth, instead. It was safer than someone noticing the spreading light of the Revealing Charm.)

He made it to the elevator lobby a few minutes ahead of his past self, so he hid in the entrance hall to the DoM until past Remus had gone downstairs. He was pretty sure that merely seeing his past self wouldn't cause any sort of paradox, but to be on the safe side, he stood facing the back wall until he was sure (based on his recollections) that his past self was mostly or entirely through the entrance hall.

His past self's attention now thoroughly diverted, Remus made his way to the staircase, disabled his Tripwire Charm, and retrieved his broom. After that, he considered fleeing the building, but curiosity and a desire for an alibi got the better of him. He wanted to know who had come down, if they were looking for an intruder, and if they were looking for him. Also, waiting until they were in there would give him the perfect opportunity for an alibi. While they were hunting him in the DoM, he would leave through the atrium and be sure to be seen by the watchwizard. Without any proof he'd even touched a Time Turner, that alibi should be iron-clad.

Intellectually, Remus knew he wouldn't have to wait long, but it seemed much longer when he didn't have anything to do besides double-check every five minutes that he'd remembered to Disillusion and Silence his broom. Every ten minutes or so, the elevator would move and get his hopes up, but it always disappointed him in the end.

Until it didn't. The elevator finally came down to the DoM and opened to reveal Emmeline Vance. She looked around cautiously as she exited the elevator and Remus levelled his wand at her. If she even started the spell Hominem Revelio, he was going to start casting.

He didn't think she would, though. After all, he knew she was going to trip the Entrance Hall Tripwire Charm in a minute or so.

She nodded, seemingly satisfied that no one was in her immediate vicinity, and walked over to the door to the DoM Entrance Hall. Instead of going in, though, she knelt in front of it and waved her wand.

From either side of the doorway, a strand of something incredibly thin rose up and floated in the air in front of her surrounded by a halo of indigo light. Curious, Remus crept forward. His supernaturally sharp vision quickly allowed him to identify it: a strand of hair the same colour and length as Vance's.

"That's the third time this week," she muttered to herself before snatching the hair out of the air with her free hand and stuffing it back into her pocket. "What is Remus doing in there?"

Remus stood stock still, frozen in thought as Vance disappeared into the Entrance Hall, unknowingly tripping the Tripwire Charm as she went. She clearly thought he'd been the one going into the DoM, but this was the first time he'd been there all week.

He was idly curious what had given his inappropriate interest in the DoM away, but the much more pressing matter was that someone else was about to come down the elevator based on his past self's memory of these events. Hopefully, it would be Vance's partner and Remus could slip away after they got through the Entrance Hall.

The elevator began moving again, going all the way to the atrium and before returning to the Ninth Floor. Remus double-checked his stealth charms and moved all the way to the back wall. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he accidentally bumped into the Disillusioned broom he'd left leaning on the wall, but it made no noise when it fell to the ground. He breathed a sigh of relief and thanked Merlin he'd remembered to Silence it, too. Just to ensure he didn't forget it and leave it as potential evidence, he picked it up and held it in his off hand.

A moment later, the elevator door opened and Watchwizard Munch walked out with a glassy-eyed stare on his bearded face. A witch and a wizard Remus had never seen before followed him out, sadistic grins on their doughy faces and filthy, threadbare robes hanging over their stocky bodies. The wizard had a hunched back and piglike visage, and the witch's sloping shoulders led down to stumpy little arms with stubby fingers. They both giggled wheezily as they walked.

"Good thinking bringing a test subject to grab the Dark Lord's prophecy, brother!" the witch said.

He giggled disgustingly again. "I do have my moments. Tonight is the perfect night…so quiet!"

Remus stared in horror as the two probable Death Eaters led the Imperious'd watchwizard into the Entrance Hall. Now would be the perfect time to escape, but he wasn't at all sure Vance could take on two at once if they caught her by surprise. If he helped, though, it might come out that he wasn't supposed to be there. He couldn't help Harry from Azkaban.

The thought of Harry brought an image of the boy into his mind and Remus imagined telling him, "I found information about your prophecy, but at the cost of a woman's life."

No. Not happening. Remus readied his wand, hefted his broom, and paused briefly as he wondered "What in Merlin's name was I planning to do with a broom?"

Then he smiled, tightened his grip on wand and broom, and hurried into the Entrance Hall, moving as fast as he dared while dodging the alarms and wards therein. His foes were well ahead of him, having presumably mapped out the hall in their forays earlier that week. He caught up to them just as they reached the door to the Room of Doors.

He considered attacking them in the Entrance Hall, but if his initial ambush missed, he'd be in a three-on-one fight, and even if it succeeded it still would be either two-on-one or one-on-one (depending on whether he took down the person controlling Munch with his first spell). Even odds were for duellists and suckers. He needed Vance's help.

As soon as the door swung open, Vance's voice rung out. "Who's there?"

The probable Death Eaters tensed, but Munch didn't react at all. "We're just auditing the night security," the Dark witch said.

"That's right," Munch said tonelessly. "I'm bringing them down to audit our security down here at night."

"That's a good idea," Vance said. "That's overdue around here."

Remus was initially concerned that she'd fallen for it, but she was moving to flank them and put the trio in enfilade to her as she spoke. He grinned at her cleverness and readied the broom.

"I don't think she believes us, brother." The Dark witch stalked into the room as she spoke, clearly trying to counter Vance's flanking manoeuvre.

"I think you're right, sister," the Dark wizard replied. "I wish she'd believe us. We'd hurt her less if she believed us."

The witch giggled wheezily at the lie. As she raised her wand, Remus activated the broom's automatic sweeping function and tossed it in her direction.

That disabled its Silencing and Disillusionment Charms, and Vance's jaw dropped as, from her perspective, a broom appeared out of thin air. It slammed into the Death Eater's back and started vigorously sweeping her robes, which were objectively (along with her brother's) the dirtiest item in the room.

As the filthy witch tried to bat away the broom, Remus shattered his own stealth spells by launching a barrage of spells at her shocked brother. He went down in seconds, disarmed and bound. Meanwhile, Vance had stunned and disarmed a weakly fighting Munch while the sister fought off the broom. The Dark Witch had only barely managed to destroy the broom with a Reductor Curse when Vance fell upon her.

The Dark Witch was a reasonably skilled fighter, but Vance refused to cede the initiative and kept her on the defensive with a flurry of spells. Remus joined seconds later (both to help Vance and avenge his loyal broom) and the combined spellfire from the two of them overwhelmed her defences.

Once all three of her enemies were safely disarmed, stunned, and bound, Vance took a great heaving breath and looked plaintively at Remus. "What in Merlin's name is going on here?" she asked. "I thought you were the one sneaking around here at night. Who are these people and how did you know I was in trouble?"

He shrugged and shot her a weak grin. "Because I was sneaking around here at night," he said. "I had no idea they were, too, until you mentioned that this was the third time this week someone had broken your hair. I haven't been in all week."

She stared at him. "How did you hear me say that?"

"Disillusionment Charm. I was in the elevator lobby the whole time."

"What? Why?"

"I thought it would be a good alibi if I were seen leaving while you were looking in there."

She furrowed her brows. "But your shift won't end for another four hours or so."

"I'm what you might call 'freelance.'"

"Ah hah!" Vance unexpectedly started laughing. "I knew it!"

"What gave me away?" Remus asked. "I'm curious."

"You were working," Vance replied. "Nobody works in this building."

Remus had to laugh, too. "Caught out by my own work ethic."

"About that…" Vance trailed off and fidgeted uncomfortably with her wand. "Your plan was good. You'd have been long gone by now if you'd followed it, and you'd have a rock-solid alibi. Why…um…didn't you?"

"I heard them talking in the elevator lobby," Remus said, gesturing to the Dark siblings. "They're monsters. I didn't want them to get the drop on you."

Vance sighed. "That's more consideration than I had any right to expect from someone apparently burglarizing the DOM. You know I have to take you in now, don't you?" As she spoke, she took a couple of hesitant steps forward. Her wand didn't come up.

"I do." Remus shrugged.

"Damn it, Lupin!" She stormed up to him, grabbed his right hand in her left, and lifted it to aim his wand right between her eyes. "Just Obliviate me and stun me already!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't," he said.

"What do you mean, you can't? I remember you as a prefect at Hogwarts and from the Order. You were a better wizard than most of the people in my year, to say nothing of yours. There's no way you can't cast a simple Memory Charm like this would be."

He shook his head and lowered his wand. "I mean I literally can't use Mind Magic."

"But…" her off hand released his wand hand and she ran her fingers down his arm, up his shoulder, up his neck, and finally along the scars on his face. "You…can't be…"

Remus had to fight the urge to shiver at her touch. "Ever since I was a little boy," he said.

"They'll double your sentence in Azkaban just for that." Her fingers brushed a scar on his temple as she spoke.

He sighed, though he wasn't sure if it was because of that depressing truth or the feeling of her fingers. "I know."

"And you came for me anyway."

"I had to."

She smiled sadly. "That's objectively false and you know it."

"I suppose it is."

"Let's try this again." Vance shifted her hand so it was cupping his cheek. "I asked you to owl me so we could get together sometime. Why didn't you?"

Remus gestured at himself. "Because I'm…not who you thought I was. I'm this."

"Remus?" she asked.

"Yes?"

Emmeline patted his cheek. "You're a fucking idiot."

He blinked. "Wh…what?"

"I thought you were a decent, reasonably good-looking man who was able to hold down multiple steady jobs and seemed genuinely happy about my professional advancement, which automatically makes you more interesting as a potential romantic partner than at least seventy percent of the wizards on this Merlin-forsaken island." She shot him a predatory grin. "Instead, you turn out to be a hardworking, fast-thinking, skilled duellist with incredible personal integrity and a willingness to put others first even at tremendous risk to yourself, who also seemed genuinely happy about my professional advancement. You're right. You're not who I thought you were. I thought you were a potential romantic partner. You are actually someone I want to take back to my flat and ride like a prize stallion."

Remus was so surprised that he didn't fight her when the hand on his cheek slid around to the back of his neck and pulled him in for the steamiest kiss of his life.

Several minutes later, they finally broke off the kiss and she rested her head on his shoulder. "I hate to ask this," Emmeline said, "but why were you down here? I probably shouldn't go any further with you if it turns out you're some sort of international artefact thief."

Remus chuckled. "No, no, that's far too glamorous for me. I was here investigating a prophecy…probably the same one the siblings there were looking for."

"Seriously?" Emmeline took her head off of his shoulder and stepped back so she could look him in the eyes. "What could you possibly have in common with them?"

"I was looking for it because I wanted to see if there was an unfulfilled prophecy about Harry Potter," he said. "The man mentioned they were looking for a prophecy about their Dark Lord. The one I found was about both."

She furrowed her brows. "How is that possible? There can't be any unfulfilled prophecies about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named anymore. He's dead."

Remus shook his head silently.

"Oh fuck," Emmeline breathed.

"I can show you if you want," Remus said.

"I'd like to, but I need to get back to my office before my partner comes looking for me," Emmeline said. "Is it bad that I now wish you were an international artefact thief?"

"No, I think that's a sensible reaction to that information," Remus said. "I didn't take it well, either."

She sighed. "There's so much I need to know, but we need a plan to get you out of here first. Do you mind pretending to be a bit of a coward and letting me take most of the credit for this?"

Remus shrugged. "I didn't come here tonight for an Order of Merlin. I just want to stay out of Azkaban."

She leaned in and kissed him briefly. "Humility, dear Remus, will get you everywhere."

"I must be getting old," Remus replied. "It used to be my tongue that got me everywhere."

Emmeline blinked in surprise, then threw her head back and laughed. "Oh, I like you," she said. "Now come on. You have some people to meet."

Auror Proudfoot looked over his parchment and frowned. "This is the weirdest damn story. Alright, Mr. Lupin, let me make sure I have this straight. Auror Vance thought you were up to something, so she started checking for intruders at the Department of Mysteries. She proceeded to find some, but it turned out to be these two old Death Eaters who slipped through the cracks after the War. Meanwhile, you noticed Auror Vance go into the Department of Mysteries, then saw these two and their Imperious'd captive go in, too. You were worried about Auror Vance's safety, so you followed them in, distracting the witch with your broom and allowing her to safely subdue all three."

"That's correct, Auror Proudfoot," Lupin said. "At least as far as what I'd like on the report. I was actually involved in the exchange of spellfire with the former Death Eaters and their captive, but I'd rather Auror Vance get sole credit for that. All I can afford is a flat in Knockturn Alley and I'd rather my neighbours didn't find out about this little adventure."

Proudfoot sighed. "And Scrimgeour would definitely want to give you an Order of Merlin if he found out the truth. He lives for those sorts of headlines. Are you sure, Mr. Lupin? You deserve one."

"Unless it comes with enough money for me to afford a flat somewhere else, yes," Lupin replied.

"Point taken." Proudfoot sighed again. "I don't like this, but I don't want to put you in any danger, either. I'll submit this as the report. You're free to return to work, Mr. Lupin. I'd say to tell Old Brumby that you were with us if he asks, but he's probably just happy you're not working as hard tonight."

Lupin smiled ruefully. "I imagine so. Thank you."

Vance was waiting for him outside of the interview room. "Thank you again, Mr. Lupin," she said.

"It was no trouble at all, Auror Vance," Lupin replied. "I just did what any public-spirited citizen would have done."

"So what he means," Proudfoot said drily as he came up behind Lupin, "is that if it had been any of the other building staff, you'd be dead right now."

Lupin and Vance both laughed at that. "That's not entirely fair," Lupin said. "Arthur Weasley would have helped, I'm sure."

Proudfoot nodded. "True. That poor man is probably the hardest-working non-Auror here. He really believes in his work, though I sometimes wonder whether he knows the first thing about muggles."

Lupin chuckled. "I can imagine. Well, goodnight, Aurors."

"Goodnight," they told him.

After Lupin left, Proudfoot sighed. "There goes a better janitor than any of us around here deserve," he said. "And we can't thank him."

"We really can't," Vance said.

Proudfoot had partnered regularly with Vance for five years now, sufficiently long to get to know her well enough to know she was lying through her teeth right then. He shot her a sidelong glance and was rewarded with a faint blush.

"Well…we can't," she said.

"But you…?" Proudfoot said.

"I haven't had a man in months, so I am going to take advantage of the fact that I have a couple of days off after this series of night shifts and reward him until neither of us can walk straight," she said matter-of-factly.

Proudfoot laughed so hard he nearly fell over.