Chapter 3

Ana

Soon.

She would have to tell Christian.

The news was long overdue and pressure was mounting from all sides. She should have informed him months ago, as soon as she learned she was pregnant. Her mother and dad, Kate, and even José had been on her case about it from day one. Her baby's arrival two months ago had increased the urgency.

Soon.

Ana gazed at her beautiful baby boy as he nursed contentedly.

"I love you, sweet Kit. I don't know when, but soon we'll have to visit your daddy. I'm a little bit scared, but maybe everything will be okay."

She wondered how anyone could resist the bundle in her arms. The child was the very picture of Christian Grey, the man she'd fallen in love with and the same man who'd whipped her with a belt nearly one year earlier.

In truth, she'd thought of him every day since she'd left him.

Her feelings for him were complicated. If she had money, she'd hire a therapist to help her untangle the emotions. Had she been in love with Christian or was it all down to lust? Or perhaps equal parts both? One thing she was sure of: it had been unhealthy. Before attempting any new romantic relationship, she needed to figure out why she'd been drawn to such a fucked up man.

"Don't hate me," he'd whispered in that final hour. She couldn't imagine ever hating him. If he'd expected she would hold a grudge or harbor resentment toward him, he was mistaken. She would always care for him and pray for his well-being.

In her heart and spirit, she'd done her best to create some kind of closure. She and Christian weren't compatible. They wanted vastly different things from life.

She tried to focus on the good memories. He'd been her first love and he'd given her Kit. She was grateful for every moment she'd spent with him and she carried a deep fondness for him. She'd tenderly stored Christian away in a corner of her heart.

But there were so many reasons not to tell him about Kit.

Informing Christian about their child would bring the extended Grey family into her life, and along with them came the pedophile, Mrs. Robinson.

When Kate had been dating Elliot and spending time with the Greys, she would entertain Ana with funny stories of their dinners and cocktail parties. She mostly spoke of Carrick's law partner, Lance, who could do wonderful magic tricks and Lance's hilarious wife, Jeanine. But there was another person whose name was frequently mentioned.

Elena Lincoln.

Mrs. Lincoln, a forty-ish divorcee, was always sat next to Christian, the two of them carrying on whispered conversations. Kate found it wholly inappropriate that Elena would adjust Christian's tie or constantly touch his arm.

Kate had surreptitiously captured a snippet of Mrs. Lincoln on her phone to share with Ana.

"We adore the Mile High," Elena had said, "but L'Oursin is our absolute favorite. Isn't it, Christian?" Ana heard him grunt in reply. Apparently Elena and Christian had lunch or dinner once a week, and all of the Greys knew about these outings, acting as if it was entirely normal.

Kate had boldly asked aloud how long Christian and Mrs. Lincoln had been dating, and everyone at the table laughed at the notion, everyone except Elena and Christian. Kate said Elena looked vaguely uncomfortable. Christian was mortified, which then morphed into a simmering anger.

Apparently Elena was tall, blonde, and quite lovely. Once when Kate was alone with her, Elena made a snide remark about college girls setting their sights on the Grey men. Kate ignored it, acting as if she hadn't heard.

Christian had never divulged the name of his abuser, simply stating that she was his mother's friend. But from all that Kate had told her, Ana knew Mrs. Lincoln and Mrs. Robinson had to be one and the same. Ever mindful of the NDA, she never shared her knowledge with Kate.

"Elena Lincoln got to your daddy, but that awful witch will never get to you. I'll make sure of it," Ana whispered to Kit.

Every mother believes her child is the most beautiful and Ana was no exception. She was completely enchanted with Kit. She'd been undecided on a name for her son, but as soon as she saw the silky wisps of red hair, she knew her child would carry some part of his father's name. Raymond Christian Steele joined the world with a mighty cry, nine pounds, nine ounces of pure joy. Her best friend, Kate, had nicknamed the baby Kit and it stuck.

Ana sang "Farmer in the Dell" to Kit as he nursed. Never mind that she hadn't been graced with a particularly lovely voice, her baby boy always responded to her sounds. "Enjoy that, Annie," her dad had teased her. "When he reaches adolescence, just like you, he'll develop selective hearing."

Kit's lids fluttered, then slowly closed. Milk dribbled from the corners of his mouth as he released her breast. A full tummy always sent him to dreamland. She kissed his forehead, swaddled him, and put him down for a nap.

It was close to noon, her father's lunch time, so she heated up the last of some leftover chicken cacciatore and pasta. She turned down the crockpot heat setting on what would be their evening meal: pot roast, her father's favorite. Ray Steele was adamant that everyone needed a hot dinner consisting of a protein and two veggies.

Before departing the house and heading for her father's workshop, she patted her apron pocket to make sure she had the baby monitor. Kit always slept soundly, but she felt more secure with the knowledge that she could hear his cries and get to him quickly if needed.

She pulled an old jacket over her apron and sweats, noting the frayed cuffs.

If only Christian could see me now. He'd wonder why he'd ever given me a second glance.

A chilly April wind swirled around her, kicking up a few old autumn leaves. The high-pitched whine of her father's table saw increased to deafening heights as she approached his workshop.

A rustling movement in the wooded area next to the house caught her eye. Black bears, coyote, and bobcats were occasionally spotted in the area. A second look proved the movement had been nothing of consequence.

The plates of hot food and tumblers of milk began sliding on the large tray, so she applied extra focus to assure nothing was dropped or spilled. Her imagination was playing tricks on her and her klutzy tendencies were on full display. She chalked it up to sleep deprivation.

She pushed the half-open door with her foot and used her elbow to flick the light switch off, signalling her arrival. After killing the saw and moving some lumber around, her father pulled two stools up to the counter that ran along one side of the shop.

"A fella could get used to this." Her father's broad grin made Ana feel a tiny bit less guilty about having returned home in a family way. "I was just thinking how you and Kit have brightened up my days."

Plucking plastic covers off the plates, she decided this might be the time to discuss Christian.

"Thanks, but as happy as you are to have us here, I know things have been difficult. I haven't worked since my fourth month and diapers are expensive."

She handed her dad a knife and fork wrapped in a napkin.

"Stop it," he huffed. Frowning, he found the fork and stabbed at a piece of tomato. "We make do. Did you finally cut loose that lousy excuse for a lawyer?"

"Yes, but I still owe him money and I haven't found new representation. Even with affidavits from some of my coworkers, a hostile work environment somehow seems difficult to prove. Kit is eight weeks old today. I need a job, one with good benefits. There's nothing available here in Montesano, and Seattle, Portland, and Olympia are all problematic. I've done the math. Child care is so expensive that I don't see how I can make ends meet. Even with free housing from Kate, I can't make the numbers work."

"You miss Seattle, don't you? Living with Kate and being around young people…I know you must miss it."

She had never been able to lie to her father.

"I do," she admitted. "But I know things will never be the same. I'm a mother now. Kit has changed everything. Kate enjoys going out and our lives have taken such different turns."

"She doesn't seem to mind. She's proven to be the best kind of friend. It's not everyone who will step forward and offer support the way she has. I'm grateful to her for filling a role that I can't."

Kate had been her cheerleader, her emotional support, and her birthing partner.

"I'll never in a thousand lifetimes be able to fully show her my appreciation." Ana's heart swelled with gratitude for all that Kate had done for her and for Kit.

Her father swallowed hard and put down his fork. Ana knew a lecture was soon to follow.

"You don't want to hear this, but it's time to inform that billionaire piece of shit about his recent promotion to fatherhood. No more delays. You should let me work him over while you deliver the news."

"Yeah, you and José could punch his lights out. That would do the trick. I told you both to respect me by staying out of the situation. Christian was very clear in his resolve not to have a family. And please don't call him a piece of shit. He's Kit's father and I don't ever want to speak disparagingly of him. Why do you dislike him so much? You don't know him."

She stared at her plate, bracing for more of her father's tirade.

"José told me plenty, all about what a hothead Grey is and how he tried to start a fight with him in Portland at some bar. You won't tell me why you broke up, only that the two of you are incompatible, but I can't help but think there's more to it. I don't need a reason to dislike someone, but those reasons seem fitting to me. From where I sit, he isn't good enough for you. Certainly not good enough to have called himself your boyfriend."

Her father had forgotten. It was Kate who'd introduced Christian as Ana's boyfriend. Christian had gone along with it in the moment, but privately he'd made it quite clear: no hearts and flowers.

She had no intention of telling her father that she had never been anyone's girlfriend.

To Christian, Ana had been just one more woman to flog, number sixteen to be specific. By now she imagined he'd already moved on to number seventeen or eighteen.

"It's all in the past. Please drop it," she whispered. She hated admitting weakness. "But the time has come to face facts. I'm in over my head financially and I'll take all the assistance I can get. It's time I had a talk with Christian."

Ana looked down at her plate and stabbed a morsel of chicken, popping it into her mouth. Discussions of Christian Grey always stole her appetite, but she was a nursing mother; she had no choice but to eat. As she slowly chewed her food, she looked up to find her father's mouth agape at her admission.

"Hell must have frozen over," Ray chuckled. "My stubborn little girl finally admits she needs help. Wonders never cease."

"I'll make an appointment and deliver the news in person. But first I need to scrape together enough money to see a family law attorney. I need advice on custody, visitation, that sort of thing. I don't think Christian will want anything to do with Kit, especially while he's so young, but he might fight for custody just because he can."

"You could ask Carla for the money. She's realized how much she has neglected you over the years and she's eager to make amends." Ana considered her father's suggestion. "I do believe visitation should be encouraged. Even lousy, disinterested fathers have a right to see their kids. More importantly, Kit should grow up knowing his father."

"You're right," Ana said, dragging her fork across the plate. "I've never wanted to raise Kit alone. I need and want support. But beyond a financial contribution, I don't have any expectations. Christian is capable of being an engaged, loving parent, but I can't see him having any interest. It breaks my heart. Kit deserves better."

"So do you," he said. "Please don't sit on this any longer."

She hoped her father couldn't see her anxiety and fear. While she'd experienced moments of tenderness in their encounters, Christian Grey could be a volatile, moody man and she dreaded facing him with her news. But face him she must.

Hello, Gentle Reader!

This chapter is the calm before the storm. In the next chapter, Ana will discover that Kit is missing. How do you think Ana's feelings for Christian will change after she discovers what he has done?

Today I am heading off to visit my sweet 96 year old mama. I will be gone for a week and will update as soon as I return on Wednesday, December 18.

All the best, P.