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Grand Master Sorsee looked up from his reports as the door opened and Darin Kravhenn entered the room.

"Darin! How can I help you?"

"Grand Master, I understand that I have two weeks left of planetary arrest. However, I was wondering if you would allow me to travel to Ilum using the designated Ilum transport."

"That ship for the younglings?"

"Yes sir."

Sorsee leaned back in his seat and stroked his chin in thought. Darin WAS under arrest, but the ship he was offering to take was constantly monitored on their radars, and Ilum was a barren planet. There was only ever one reason to go there. Making his decision, he leaned forwards and said "Alright. Ilum and back. The pilot will come as well."

"Thank you, Grand Master," Darin said before leaving the office.

-Sadie-

"Why are we going to Ilum again?" I asked Darin for the three hundredth time.

"It's a surprise" he said for the three hundredth time. I sighed, then went back to levitating the broken data pad I'd found in the ship. Darin decided to use the time he was grounded to teach me how to actually do things with the Force. It was exhausting at first, but not as bad now. I could feel the Force flowing through me, a part of me. Ever since I learned to manipulate it outwardly, I felt more in touch with it, as if the Force was very slowly melding with me. This scared me. A few days ago, I was angry with Darin for being his usual pain-in-the-ass self, and in the middle of angrily yelling on the balcony at the streets below me, I realized that the Force in me became sharp, jagged, and volatile. It became explosive and difficult to contain, like a soda that somebody shook. I felt the overwhelming urge to release it, lash out and destroy things around me in anger. I wasn't strong enough to bottle it up, and I had no idea how to stop it or make it go away. Out of desperation, I tried to think of the good things about Darin instead of the bad that I'd been angry at. It seemed to work, and I managed to escape that moment without losing it. The memory of the fear stayed with me

I glanced at Darin, who had his eyes closed and was leaning his head back, as if trying to sleep. I don't know why, but I never told him about that moment. I was afraid of what he'd think, that he'd stop teaching me when he knew how easily I'd fallen into the darkness. So I took it and buried it, deep deep down, with the other things that filled me with fear, anger, or pain.

"Sadie. Sadie. Hey, wake up."

I opened my eyes and groggily looked around at the illuminated interior of the transport. I don't know when I fell asleep, but we were still in the same junk ship. I was lying on the hard bench

"We're almost there. Come on. You've gotta get ready."

I yawned and turned so I was facing away from Darin. "Five more minutes" I mumbled.

Using the Force, he lifted me off the bench, turned me so my legs were below me, and let go, forcing me to land upright. I stumbled, but managed to stay on my feet.

"Jerk," I muttered.

He shrugged, pointed at a door, and said "Coats, jackets, long underwear, snow pants, all that stuff is in that room. All freshly cleaned, all different sizes. Compliments of the Order. I suggest you change before we land."

I noticed that he was already wearing thick dark brown pants, black boots, gloves, and a black fur lined jacket with the hood up.

Grumbling, I walked into the room and was immediately taken aback by its size. It was a brightly lit closet of clothes that was much nicer than the rest of this ship. I stared at the clothing selection, feeling very overwhelmed. I've never had many clothes. I was poor, and basically all of my clothing was rather baggy. It was bought when I was going through puberty and grandpa didn't know how big I'd get. So he bought the big mens clothing since he refused to go in the women's store. I still wore them, even though they were very loose on my lean frame. They covered me, and that's all I really cared about. The only thing that was truly to my size was my armor.

They were tailored for bipedal humanoid species, which made sense since most were of that general shape. The closet was divided into multiple sections, and in the middle of each was a range of numbers that indicated size. I had no idea what size I was.

I yelled "Hey Darin?"

I heard a muffled "Yea?" From the other side of the door.

"How do I know what size I am?"

There was a pause, and he asked "Like clothing size?"

"Yea."

"It should be on your clothes."

"Those clothes are big on me."

"Why do you have them then?"

"My grandpa bought large mens clothes when I was growing up to save money."

Silence, then I heard him say "Remind me to take you clothes shopping after this. Is there a chart anywhere in the closet?"

I walked towards the mirror on the other side, looking both ways, and found nothing. I turned and was about to yell at him that there wasn't when I stopped. On the back of the door I entered through, there was a chart.

"Found it." I walked to the chart and looked at it. It was based on height and weight and gave approximations for the size. I quickly found what should fit me and found the area in the closet where the clothes were.

As I was getting changed, I asked "So what is Ilum?"

Through the door, he said "A frozen, barren planet devoid of sentient life."

I pulled my shirt off, found a long sleeved one that fit, and asked "So why are we going there?"

"Because it has kyber crystals."

"What are they?"

"Crystals."

I rolled my eyes, and asked "What are they used for?"

"Building lightsabers."

I paused, then started putting on a sweater. "Why are you getting a new lightsaber?"

"I'm not. You are."

I stopped rifling through the coats as I processed what he was saying.

"I'm getting a lightsaber?"

"Yes."

I felt a rush of excitement. I was getting a lightsaber!

That thought ran through my head as I finished getting dressed and looked in the mirror. I had black pants, a white down jacket with the hood, thick boots, gloves, and a hat. I felt like a pillow. I left the closet, ready to pepper Darin with questions.

"So how do I find the lightsaber crystal?" I asked as soon as I went through the door.

"It calls to you."

Of course it does.

"Listen, this is important. I'm going down there with you. But I can't help you."

"Why not?"

"Because your path to getting the crystal is unique. The challenges you'll face are meant to hit you in your weak points. I don't know how else to describe it. It forces you to overcome personal struggles, or to make you better with using the Force, or something. I don't fully know, and I don't think anybody else does either. We just know the Force acts wonky, we suck it up, and we become better after the crystal."

"But why does it do that?"

"No idea. The Force is kind of like an entity, or a collection of entities. It's like a different one for each person, and it knows you really well and decides to make things difficult to make you overcome problems so you're better after. It's one of those things that if I try to explain it it gets really confusing."

"So you can't help me?"

"Nope."

"What if I'm about to die?"

"You won't. Planet is empty except for crystals, ice, and Force. The Force in you has more freedom on this planet, in a way. But it stays anchored to you in a sort of symbiotic relationship. Killing you would be inconvenient."

"INCONVENIENT!?"

He winced. "I probably should have reworded that."

"You think?"

"Okay. Killing you would… cripple the Force. See, it needs you as much as you need it. It becomes stronger as you become stronger. On this planet, for some reason, it is able to move freer. It's got more Force in it. It's why the kyber is so powerful. But it works with the natural Force reserves. Basically don't worry, you probably won't die."

"Again with the words. 'Probably' doesn't make me feel better."

"Well, the galaxy sucks and doesn't care about us feeling better."

"We will land on Ilum in a few minutes." said the voice over the intercom.

Ilum was rather pleasant. And I mean that in the most sarcastic way possible. For starters, the usual landing pad that they had was in the middle of a blizzard, so we had to land a couple hundred meters out, and then the ship would leave us until Darin hit a little button and it would come find our location.

There were a few problems with this strategy. First, if the thing broke, we were screwed. Second, if we were in the middle of the storm, we were screwed. And finally, Darin always loses things. He was constantly putting things down and then forgetting about them when something else grabbed his attention. It was infuriating. I was a very organized person. With grandpa I gave up because it was impossible, but whenever I could, I wanted clean and orderly. Darin said he likes things to be orderly, but then he would just leave his files strewn about on the table, or leave a holocron in the refresher. It's ridiculous. I have no doubt that he's going to forget it somewhere. Place it on a ledge or something while climbing down and just walk off when he sees something shiny. And the worst part is that he has no idea! I offered to hold on to it so that we wouldn't die, but he dug his heels into the ground like a stubborn bantha! Said "I think I can handle a little tracker" and marched on through the snow!

I was fuming as I trudged through the snow behind him, my boots sinking into the snow and leaving deep tracks that would disappear shortly in the storm. I was glad that Darin told me it was cold, but I wish he had told me HOW cold it would be. I would have put on every layer of clothing available. Never before had I felt anything like this, and I never wanted to again. I'm a girl who's only ever lived on Mandalore and Coruscant. Mandalore was a planet where the sun beat down year round, and the worst Coruscant gets is a very light snow. The freezing wind bit at any little bit of exposed flesh, chilling me to the bone. It was a completely new style of torment for me.

Darin stopped, took off his backpack which held emergency supplies, and started rummaging through it. Panicked, I quickened my pace. Oh Force. I swear, if he lost the tracker already, I'm going to strangle him. I thought What the hell are you doing?

Looking for something.

You lost the tracker, didn't you? I told you that you should let me hold on to it. I knew this-

He shot a dirty look at me and thought I didn't lose the tracker.

So then why…? I thought, bewildered.

I watched him pull his thermal blanket out of the pack and start folding it.

Really Darin? Now? Can't you fold the stupid thing after we get to cover?

He continued folding it, occasionally glancing at me, but ignoring my questions. I watched as the snow caught on his beard, speckling the dark brown hair with white spots.

He stood and held up the folded blanket for me to take. I just looked at it, confused.

It's a scarf, He thought.

A what?

A scarf.

I don't know what that is.

How do you not-

Because I don't. What does it do?

It's for your face.

Gimme that, I thought as I snatched it from him and tried to wrap it around my head.

Do you want some help? He asked upon seeing me struggle to get it to work.

No. I'm fine.

I finished putting it on by tying the two ends together in a knot in front of my face. When I finished, the scarf thing did almost nothing to protect me.

This thing sucks.

You got it completely wrong.

He reached over, quickly untied the knot, and unraveled the blanket from my face.

May I help you now?

Fine.

He took the fabric and placed the middle so that it covered my face and nose. He wrapped each end around my head once or twice, making sure to keep them tight, then pulled the ends through the fabric and let them hang down my chest. He smiled warmly, and I felt a flicker of happiness followed by embarrassment at our physical closeness. I was blushing, I knew it. I was quite happy that the scarf was covering most of my face.

I averted my eyes, breaking the prolonged eye contact we'd been sharing. When looking away, I noticed how red his nose was and asked Do you need one?

He grinned and thought I got my beard. I'm good.

I don't think that that's how it works, but I didn't push. He put the backpack on and we resumed our trek to wherever the hell the crystals were.

He didn't forge ahead like he did before. Instead, we were side-by-side, fighting the biting wind together. We were in the middle of the blizzard now. The wind picked up speed, the air felt colder, and the howling of the wind became deafening. I knew that Darin was only a few meters away from me, but I could barely see him. The scarf, which seemed kind of pointless before, really came in clutch. By protecting most of my face, it reduced how much skin was exposed to the freezing cold to just the area around my eyes, which helped tremendously.

I noticed that Darin had moved in closer, so we were only half a meter apart. I glanced at him quickly, wondering if he needed a scarf. I couldn't see how anybody could survive this for long, but he seemed to be doing fine.

I could clearly make out the snow-speckled beard and the red nose, and I realized that if his clothes were white he would look a lot like Papa Snow. I debated on whether I should mention it to him, but I doubted he'll know who I was referring to, or find the humor in it. Now that I thought of it, he was very similar to Papa Snow. Not just the beard, but his quick smile, the mischievous twinkle in his eyes, and the ringing laugh. I pressed the scarf against my face and smiled. It felt good to have someone care.

Stop.

I panicked, wondering if he had seen everything I was thinking. Why?

I saw him tilt his head, as if listening for something. I sense something.

Relieved, I quickly switched to Force-vision, as I like to call it, and looked for what Darin was talking about. There was nothing.

Darin walked forwards, as if in a trance, and I followed along.

Darin. Darin are you okay?

He nodded.

Hey, you're freaking me out. What's going on?

He started running, and I scrambled to keep up. After a couple hundred meters of dashing through the snow, I sensed something incredibly faint. How he could tell from so far away, I don't know. As I followed him, the sense became stronger. It was hopelessness laced with fear and anguish. It was pain, suffering, and regret. Something terrible had happened here.

A few meters away, Darin stopped running.

What's wrong?

We must have gotten lost in the storm. I've never heard of this.

I walked up beside him and looked at what he was staring at. In front of us was broken debris from a ship, covered in a layer of ice and snow.

It's old. Not a modern design.

I walked over to one side, where I could see a prominent white circle, with a circle in the middle that had six long protrusions coming from it. What's this?

He ran his hand over the design, tracing the outline of it. No idea. I've never seen it before.

Did someone just paint it on?

No, I don't think so. It's too centered, too perfectly done. This is assembly line kind of work, which means this was either a government ship or a corporation.

Maybe there's more scattered around.

Yea. Let's go follow the fear trail.

Wait, this isn't the source?

He shook his head solemnly. We walked on, the sense growing stronger, finding more and more pieces of debris, until we reached an especially large chunk of ship. Underneath were the ugly, dark brown, shriveled remains of a creature, its four fingers grasping at us, frozen in an eternal effort to escape.

Karabast…

What is that? I asked.

It's a Seyley. Long dead.

Where's the rest of it? The legs of the corpse were gone.

He looked around, found nothing, then crouched next to the missing limbs and examined them.

Look at this.

I crouched next to him and examined the leathery skin he was pointing at.

What about it?

Look at that. It's scar tissue. The leg wounds healed. It lost its legs while it was alive. And look here. That's stitching. There must be more of them. And this bowl next to him… karabast. That's flesh.

I felt a little sick. So they were cannibals.

Maybe. Or they resorted to it out of desperation.

I was going to respond when I heard a ringing sound. I glanced at Darin to see if he heard it, but he gave no indication of hearing anything at all. I tried to ignore it, but my paranoia got the best of me.

Darin. I hear something.

He tilted his head for a few seconds, then glanced at me curiously. I hear nothing.

It's a constant ringing. It's there, I swear.

You're sure?

I nodded vigorously.

Then it's the crystal calling to you. I can't go with you anymore.

I felt my stomach do a flip. I'm going alone?

He nodded. I will stay here for when you return.

I wanted to argue, to make him come as well, but I knew it wouldn't work. I would go alone. I turned to leave when I heard Sadie.

I turned and thought Yea?

May the Force be with you.

The ringing that I followed led me to a large group of ramshackle houses made of debris that surrounded a weird structure. It was a village, I realized. They must be the survivors from the broken ship. As I walked in, a cold feeling of dread washed over me. They were arranged in the same way my old home on Mandalore was.

A few houses were standing, but most were collapsed. Dead Seyley littered the ground, and around them were spent power cells. I carefully stepped over them as I maneuvered my way throughout the place. When I got to the structure in the middle, I realized that it used to be a fire pit. Just like the fire pit in the middle of the village on Mandalore. When I walked closer to it, I nearly vomited. The Seyley near the pit were torn to pieces, limbs separated from torso, torso from head, and all of it in a disgusting pile near a stick. As I inspected the stick, I noticed that limbs and organs were frozen onto it from long ago. This was terrible. How could anybody do this?

I decided to leave the scene and went over to one of the houses that was standing. I peered inside, hoping to find the source of the ringing. Instead, I saw an effigy of bones, the skulls smiling at me in their twisted way. When I went to the next house, I found two shriveled bodies, locked in an eternal embrace. But the last house was where my heart broke. Inside I saw a shriveled corpse, but one that was much smaller than the others. It was a child, and in its hand I could see that it was clutching something. Whatever sick things that happened here, this child must have seen them, and died in the same agonizing way as the others did.

I didn't want to, but the ringing was coming from the child. I reached over and slowly pulled the paper out of the child's hand, and the ringing stopped. It was wrapped around something small and hard. Hands shaking, I unfurled the paper to find a note scribbled hastily on it, the ink blurred in some areas, the paper stained with droplets. It read 'I'm sorry baby. You're so beautiful, perfect, innocent. You are my entire world. You don't deserve this. When you were born, I promised that I would protect you forever. I'm so sorry. I wanted the best for you. Promise me that you will stay the perfect, beautiful baby girl I know. Never change. No matter how bad things get, please never lose that hopeful little girl. Never lose hope. Please. I love you forever, and I will always be with you. -Mom'. Tears were freely flowing down my cheeks as I shakily looked at the dark blue crystal that was wrapped in the paper.

Darin was standing at the debris like promised.

How'd it go? He asked.

I glumly held up the crystal for him to see.

Wow, he muttered. I've never seen one like that. It's beautiful.

Uh-huh. I thought as I shoved the crystal in my pocket with the note. It was beautiful, sure. It was cool, obviously. But it wasn't worth it. That whole village hit way too closely.

Glumly, I thought Come on. Let's go.

He looked at me, obviously aware that something really hit me hard, but decided against peppering me with questions. He grabbed his backpack, and we went to get out of the storm and signal the ship.