Sending a special holiday shout to my Snowballers! You know who you are.
Chapter 5
Christian
The child had slept peacefully, until Christian entered Seattle.
He was about to exit I-5 for home, when the baby began to stir. What started as a fussy whimper turned into earsplitting wails. He remembered Mia crying loudly when she was hungry or uncomfortable, but nothing prepared him for the volume of this baby's cries.
As he darted his R8 into the darkened recesses of the Escala garage, he realized he might need help. After all, he knew very little about how to care for a child.
He lifted the child from the box, noting jerky movements and fluttering eyelids. Is this normal baby behavior? Christian worried that all wasn't right with the child. The plan had been for Ana to suffer. He hadn't considered that the child might suffer as well.
He walked quickly, afraid of being seen with the infant. Thankfully all was quiet on this weekday afternoon. He stepped into the elevator car, cradling the infant, hoping a rocking motion would make the baby stop crying.
No such luck.
He could feel something warm and moist against his arm. Hoping it wasn't what he thought it might be, he gingerly turned the infant on his side. A yellowish-green wet spot ran up the child's back, soaking both the sleeper and the thin blanket. He detected the faint odor of popcorn. He hadn't considered the need for diaper changes. He wondered if the color, odor, and consistency were normal.
Did I take a sick baby? Being ill would account for the kid being so upset.
His mother, the well-regarded pediatrician, would be the obvious person to call upon, but she would lose her own shit if she discovered he'd kidnapped a baby.
He wondered what Ana was thinking right now. Surely by this point she'd realized her son was missing.
He had done all of this in the hope that she would hurt, the same way she'd hurt him when she left, but he felt little satisfaction. Instead, he felt burdened by the infant and overwhelmed by feelings he didn't completely understand.
As he entered his apartment, he shuffled the baby from arm to arm in an effort to comfort him, finally pulling him to his chest in an effort to stop the incessant crying. He was thankful that holding the child next to his scars didn't induce pain, but he was beyond furious that the baby couldn't be calmed.
"Shut up! For the love of God, shut up! I can't think with all the fucking noise."
Barking at the infant only increased the volume of the frantic, demanding cries. The baby scrunched his eyes and gnawed his fists.
Christian paced the living room, holding the infant tightly to him, not knowing what to do next.
Calling his mother was obviously out of the question. He thought of Elena, but these days they were barely speaking. In any case, Elena didn't know squat about babies and she was currently out of town, in San Diego with Isaac for a BDSM swingers fest.
Flynn was out of the country, visiting his widowed mother in England.
Taylor and Gail had the day off, so they were unavailable. Maybe Sawyer could help him quiet the child, who was now howling, beet red, shuddering with distress.
How can such a tiny human make so much goddamn noise?
"Shut up!" In an attempt to muffle the sound he placed a hand over the child's mouth and nose. "Goddammit! Shut the fuck up!"
Against his palm he could feel the infant trying to draw a breath. Once, twice.
Withdrawing his hand, the baby gasped and resumed his cries. Christian dropped to the floor clutching the child, the enormity of what he'd almost done crashing down upon him. It was his first moment of clarity.
"Oh, God. I'm sorry. So sorry," he told the squalling baby. "I don't want to hurt you."
"Mr. Grey! What are you doing?" His housekeeper, Gail Jones, stood in front of him. Her face wore an expression of alarm and he wondered how much she had seen or heard.
"Help me. He won't stop crying. Make it stop." The baby's shrill, piercing demands were beyond distressing.
Sawyer, looking as confused and dazed as Christian felt, stood behind Mrs. Jones. The CPO's presence irritated him. He'd told the new hire to stand down.
"Sir, give him to me. He sounds hungry," she said, reaching for the infant. Christian eagerly handed him over. "Where's his bottle?"
"When I got him, I didn't think about feeding him," he said. "I'll go out and get whatever he needs. Tell me what to buy, so I can fix this."
Food. How could I have not thought that the child needs food? I know the kid is miserable.
"You'll stay with me, Mr. Grey," she ordered. Turning to Sawyer, she asked, "Do you know anything about babies?"
Sawyer shrugged. "My sister has one."
"That's good enough," she said. "Go to the nearest store and get diapers, formula, bottles. Find a knowledgeable clerk or grandmotherly type to help you pick things out. Please hurry. This baby is very hungry. And please inform Jason of the situation. Tell him he's needed immediately."
Christian felt useless as he watched Sawyer leave.
"What's the child's name?" Mrs. Jones walked back and forth, gently joggling the child in an effort to comfort him.
"Raymond Christian Steele," he said.
"Steele." Mrs. Jones narrowed her eyes in disbelief. "As in your former, um, friend? Is our little boy blue related to that Miss Steele?"
"Uh-huh. It's her kid." He tried his best to avoid eye contact with Mrs. Jones.
He'd done something terrible, but he didn't know how to make it right. It was very difficult to think with the infant howling like a wounded animal.
"Sir, this baby needs his mother. He's rooting." The baby's tormented shrieks temporarily stopped as he latched onto Mrs. Jones' top, sucking on the fabric. He watched intently as Mrs. Jones pulled the fabric away and put her pinky in the baby's mouth. The child quieted and sucked on the tip of her finger.
"Thank God. Finally," he said in relief.
"Sir, the finger is a temporary fix. I hope he'll take the formula, but if, as I suspect, he's only been breastfed, he'll not be satisfied with a bottle."
Any child's hunger was anathema to Christian. He hated the idea of the child being hungry, and took a moment to consider perhaps calling Ana, telling her this was all a joke that got out of hand.
"Did Miss Steele suddenly renew contact and invite you to babysit?" Her sarcastic tone told him that Mrs. Jones knew he'd not been in touch with Ana for a very long time.
"Not exactly." He didn't like being called out by an employee, but he felt helpless to stop her.
"Well?" Mrs. Jones threw him a look of disgust, then resumed her pacing. She cooed at the baby, rocked him, never ceasing her reassuring sounds.
He had no answer for his housekeeper. For a few moments the room was silent. Christian decided that perhaps it had been better when the child was agitated, because now in the loneliness of quietude, he had only his own thoughts.
Guilt. Fear. Dread.
What the hell have I done?
A pulsing screech emanated from his cell phone. It was an emergency broadcast alert.
Mrs. Jones shifted the child to one arm and reached into her apron pocket for her phone.
An Amber Alert has been declared. Civil Authorities have issued a Child Abduction Emergency for all of Washington starting at noon. Raymond Christian Steele is an 8 week old white male infant, red hair and blue eyes. He weighs 13 pounds and is 23.5 inches long. He was last seen wearing a light blue sleeper and was wrapped in a blue and white striped receiving blanket. Raymond Christian Steele was taken from his home in Montesano and is believed to be in extreme danger. Any information about this child's whereabouts should be reported to the Grays Harbor County Sheriff (360) 249-3711. This has been an Amber Alert.
Mrs. Jones stared at Christian. He recognized the look, as it was similar to the horror Ana had displayed the day she left him. His housekeeper was finally seeing the beast that dwelled within.
As a result of Mrs. Jones reaching for her phone, the child lost contact with her pinky and resumed his torturous squalls.
"Sir, did you kidnap Miss Steele's baby?"
Gail Jones wore a look of anguish and he fully understood her feelings. It was a moment of reckoning. He'd committed an act of the worst kind. He'd not only deprived Ana of her child, but the child was now suffering, hungry and distressed.
"Kidnapping is a strong word. I didn't think of it that way when I took him. I only meant to punish her for leaving me." He hung his head in shame.
"Call her now," she said. "You must admit to what you've done. She needs to know her little one is safe."
He sat, head in his hands, considering what he'd say, how he would explain his irrational actions. He wondered what Ana would say to him, her last words to him rang in his head.
You need to sort your shit out, Grey. You are one fucked up son of a bitch.
He didn't know how long he'd been sitting in misery, but he became aware of Taylor in the room, whispering to Mrs. Jones. Christian could see the deep disappointment on his CPO's face.
"Sir, I'll call Miss Steele and inform her of the child's whereabouts." Taylor spoke slowly and deliberately, as if speaking to a dimwit. Christian wanted to be angry, but he knew he had no right. "The baby is displaying all the signs of extreme hunger, so I'm sure you understand a mother-child reunion must be facilitated as quickly as possible."
"Right. Do whatever you need to do. Are you taking the baby away now?" Christian didn't understand his feelings. He knew the child didn't belong with him, but part of him wanted the infant to stay.
"We think it's faster and safer if we bring Miss Steele here. Since Charlie Tango is still down for routine maintenance, Sawyer is arranging an alternative. He thinks he's found a helicopter in Aberdeen to pick her up in Montesano. I'll call her now, unless you'd like to be the one to explain."
"No." He didn't have the courage to face Ana. "Please call her yourself."
Taylor's disappointed frown made him feel like the world's biggest pussy. He couldn't argue with that assessment.
"Will do." Taylor left the room, which was just as well. He didn't want to know what Ana might have to say about his transgression.
"Sir, I'm taking Raymond Christian to the kitchen for some formula and a quick bath," Mrs. Jones said. "Sawyer is on his way back with some supplies and the little one has been sitting in a wet, dirty diaper for far too long."
He could hear the child's wails all the way from the kitchen. Apparently the kid didn't enjoy baths or bottles. Left alone with his thoughts, he considered what Ana would do upon her arrival. He hadn't thought it through, not the consequences or ramifications. He had to resign himself to charges being brought against him. He'd broken at least two laws: unlawful entry and kidnapping.
Face the music, Grey. Turn yourself in.
As he considered a course of action, he imagined Ana in a courtroom telling the judge to throw the book at him. He certainly deserved it. He was a monster and Ana knew this better than anyone.
He stretched out on the sectional sofa, arm covering his eyes, and awaited his fate.
After what seemed like forever, Taylor returned, this time accompanied by his parents, the two people he wanted least to see at the moment.
"Son, what happened?" Carrick Grey's face was etched with concern. "I heard the Amber Alert, but never put that together with Anastasia Steele. Taylor called and told us her child is here."
Christian didn't like the idea of Taylor calling his parents, but at this point, he didn't feel he had a right to protest.
"Whatever you've done, please try to make it right. That girl must be out of her mind with fear and worry," his mother said. She was on the verge of tears, which only multiplied the guilt and shame he felt.
"Did you call Ana?" Christian asked Taylor.
"Yes, sir. Sawyer arranged for the flight. Miss Steele should be here in an hour or so. Excuse me while I see if Gail needs any help."
"Is the child yours?" His father asked. "Why did you take him?"
"My reasons don't matter anymore. I realize it was wrong. I don't want to think the child is mine, but it's most likely that he is. He has red hair. His middle name is Christian, which implies that Ana believes he's mine. The dates sort of line up."
"I saw that when I reviewed the Amber Alert. How long have you known about the baby?" He knew his father's brain was calculating all the legal ramifications of paternity. It was just like his father to start digging into his business. "Has she asked for money?"
"We've had no communication since June 4th, so there have been no discussions of money or any other subject. I just found out about the baby this morning from Welch. The birth popped up in a random search of public records."
"Why does Welch do public records searches?" His mother asked. "That seems an unusual task."
"You'd be surprised how many women make crazy claims that they've given birth to my love child. Welch tries to stay ahead of all that." It wasn't a complete lie, but it wasn't the primary reason for Welch's internet searches. He was relieved that his parents seemed satisfied with his explanation.
"I see," his father said. "If the child is yours, I don't understand why Ana wouldn't tell you."
Christian shrugged. He didn't want to discuss it with anyone, much less his father.
Either the child isn't mine, or more likely, she doesn't want me around the child.
"Where's the baby?" His mother asked. "I want to see him."
"In the kitchen with Mrs. Jones. She's been caring for him. He hates me."
He knows I'm a son of a bitch. He knows to be afraid of me.
"Why do you say something like that?" His mother put her hand on his. "Sweetheart, babies don't know how to hate."
"He cries all the damn time."
"Little ones are driven by hunger and a need for comfort." His mother's words were meant to soothe, but instead he felt another wave of guilt. "He's in a strange place, away from his mother for perhaps the first time. He misses her voice and her scent."
He could identify with those thoughts. He, too, missed Ana's voice and scent.
"I'll be back in a few minutes," she said. "I want to meet the little fellow."
Left alone with his father, Christian kept his head down and avoided eye contact. He braced himself for the same verbal lashing he'd received whenever he'd brawled in high school.
Strangely, it didn't come.
"When was the last time you saw Flynn?" His father's voice was low and husky, tinged with kindness.
His therapy attendance had been spotty at best, but he didn't want to get into any of that.
"A few weeks ago. Flynn is out of the country at the moment."
"Son, I don't need to tell you. You're in serious trouble. I'm a damn good lawyer, but there's no way to keep law enforcement out of this. Prepare yourself for arrest and trial. A kidnapping conviction could bring you ten years of hard time in the state penitentiary."
"Are the police on their way?" He'd already resigned himself to an arrest.
"They haven't been notified yet, but the Amber Alert needs to be lifted. Taylor will call the authorities as soon as Ana arrives. They'll want to talk to her first. In the meantime, I need to know exactly what you did and why you did it. Let's sit." His father gestured toward the sofa.
Christian took one end of the sectional, hoping his father would take the other. Instead, his father dragged an ottoman over and sat facing him, up close and personal, signaling an interrogation was to begin.
"I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry." He didn't fully understand how everything went off the rails, but he knew it was all his fault. "When Welch told me about the kid, I was angry. I don't want to be a father. To punish Ana, I took the baby."
"When did you take the child? Tell me all the details." His father perched on the edge of the ottoman with his arms down to his side knuckles braced against the seat. "Lance will be primary on this and I'll be secondary. We'll do our best to keep you out of prison, but you need to tell us everything." His father was in full litigator mode.
"After Welch delivered his news, I left the office, went home, changed clothes, and drove the R8 to Montesano. I arrived at Ana's house about noon. She was with her dad in his workshop. I slipped in through the back door, which was unlocked. The baby was asleep. I took him and drove home. I came straight here, without stopping anywhere. I know it was wrong. And I'm sorry."
"I'm sure you are. Ana will need to hear that from you. Look at me," his father prodded. "We need to make some legal decisions before the police are on the scene. Do not speak to authorities without Lance or me present. Law enforcement are within their rights to mislead you, lie to you, anything to induce you to speak. Do not say a word. Understand?"
He nodded his comprehension. He knew his father had his best interests at heart, but the situation seemed simple enough. He'd done something terrible and should pay the price.
"I did it. I walked into Ana's house and took her baby. Shouldn't I just plead guilty?"
"No, absolutely not. Do not admit to anything," his father said. "There will be time for confessions later. Let's wait for the charges and hear what the DA has to say."
His mother reentered the living room, proudly carrying the baby. With her was Katherine Kavanagh, another unwanted guest.
What the hell is she doing here?
As if reading his mind, Kavanagh narrowed her judging eyes at Christian and answered his unstated question.
"Ana is on her way. She asked me to meet her here."
As soon as his mother at down on the sofa, the infant resumed his piercing squall.
"You take him, Kate," his mother said. She reluctantly offered the child up. "He seems to respond to you."
Kavanagh cradled the baby, walking him back and forth the length of the room. He had to admit the infant seemed more comfortable in her arms. This triggered all kinds of questions for him.
His parents seemed to have the same questions.
"How long have you known about the child?" His father asked Kate. "Is he Christian's?"
"Of course, he is," she said indignantly. "Ana told me about the pregnancy soon after she found out. I was with her when Kit was born."
"Kit?" His mother asked.
"Ana wanted to honor her father and Christian, but she thought calling him Ray or Christian might be confusing. I'm a big fan of Kit Harrington. I suggested Kit as a nickname and Ana loved it. It's short for Christian. It suits the little man."
"Hello, Kit," his mother cooed in the child's direction. He could see that she had already grown attached to the infant.
"During most of Ana's pregnancy, you were dating Elliot, coming to our home, and sharing our hospitality." Carrick didn't bother hiding his resentment. "Did it not occur to you that Christian and the rest of us might want to know we were gaining another family member?"
"Of course it occurred to me." Kavanagh shrugged, not displaying a scintilla of guilt or regret. "But my first loyalty is to Ana. As much as I encouraged her to tell Christian, she refused. She said she had good reasons for staying mum and I have respected her wishes. Ana isn't vindictive or petty."
"What reason could Ana have for keeping our grandson from us? I don't understand," Grace said, appearing sad and confused.
"Drop it, Mom," Christian said. It was bad enough that his parents knew he was a kidnapper. He didn't want them to know about the belt beating, the subs, or the contracts. The malignant monster needed to stay hidden for as long as possible.
Kavanagh was good with the baby. He'd give her that. The child was currently quiet, peacefully slumbering in her arms.
"Did he eat?" Christian asked. "He seems content now."
"No," his mother answered. "Gail tried to give him a bottle of formula, but he wouldn't take it. Kate says he's always been breastfed, never had a bottle. At this point, I think he's given up, all worn out from crying."
Guilt once again surged through Christian. This child was experiencing profound hunger and it was all due to his impetuous need for revenge. Taylor entered the room and he knew that meant Ana had arrived.
"Sir, Miss Steele just landed. Sawyer is meeting her. She'll be down shortly."
Dread filled his gut. He didn't want to face her.
"I need to shower," he said. His cowardice was on full display.
"Christian…" His father said his name in warning. "Can't that wait? You need to be here."
"I'll be back. I need a few minutes," he said. He marched quickly to his room, delaying the inevitable.
Merry Christmas, Gentle Reader! I hope you're enjoying the joys of the season. This chapter is my gift to Snezhana and to you. I plan to post another update for you soon. All the best, Paula