-Sadie-

I batted away Darin's lightsaber in a downward slash, then tried to quickly elbow him while his saber was down. I connected and my opponent stumbled back slightly, his nose broken. Taking advantage of the opportunity I swung at him, only to have the blade quickly deflected by my opponent. I stepped back to avoid his quick jab counter and to catch my breath. Darin had warned me Form IV was draining. I was seeing that firsthand.

He eyed me carefully before advancing and taking a series of precise jabs. He'd switched to Form II. I was forced to backpedal as I countered the jabs. Right as I deflected the last jab, I shot a stun dart at him from my gauntlet. He deflected it, but it gave me my own opening. Using the Force, I unleashed a lightning fast series of strikes at him. He switched again, this time to Form III. Now he was the one backpedaling as he deflected my aggressive sequence. I pressed harder, but he didn't falter once. My arms were starting to tire, and I knew my attacks were starting to slow. We had been at this for over an hour.

As the energy drained further, I began drawing on my emotions. Instantly, the energy began coursing through me and I renewed the offensive with vigor. My aggressive attacks became even more frenzied, and I saw Darin's eyes narrow as he felt the wall behind him.

Anger rising, I pressed even harder. I slammed his hand against the wall, forcing him to drop his saber, and used the Force to throw it behind me.

"I win," I hissed, lightsaber pointed at him.

"Not yet."

I went to slash at him, but the slash never came. Quicker than I could react, he moved in close, grabbed my saber arm, and used my own momentum to pin me against the wall I had just had him on. I struggled against him, but I couldn't overpower him. I tried to kick him but he deflected it with his own leg.

Almost in a whisper, he said "I win."

We stood there for a few seconds before he let go of me and walked over to the middle of the makeshift "ring" we had set up in one of the hangars. I heard some clapping above us and saw that we had attracted a small crowd. Q, the Mirialan girl I forgot the name of, Ster, and about 5 or 6 other guys.

Q gave me a knowing grin. I just glared at him in response.

"Here." I brought my attention back to Darin, who was holding a large bottle of water for me and a wet towel. He had healed his nose, though he still had blood on his face.

I took the bottle of water and the towel and muttered a thank you to him. My blood was still boiling.

"That was reckless and dangerous. You lost control."

"I learn from the best."

"Excuse me?"

"I said I learn from the best."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't know. Does Ryloth ring any bells?"

He stiffened. "That's different."

"You lost control and you know it."

"I-"

"And when you did, you beat somebody to death with your bare hands, like a kriffing psychopath. What happens the next time you lose it? Huh?"

He gritted his teeth. "I'm not gonna-"

"How do you know? Huh? How do you know you're not going to gut someone like that bitch did Fral? Torture someone like she did to me? Or just freak out and kill every single one of us?"

"You'll stop me."

That was it. The anger boiled over. I ignited my saber and started hacking at him as hard as I could. There was no technique to my attack, only pure emotion. He quickly turned on his saber and started deflecting my attacks, but I kept slashing.

"YOU KNOW EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!" I screamed at him as I kept hacking. "YOU SAW WHAT SHE WAS SEEING! AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO KILL YOU?" I was seeing red now. "YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE! YOU'RE JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER KRIFFING JEDI! I SHOULD'VE LEFT YOU TO DIE ON THAT MEDICAL SHIP! I WISH I'D NEVER MET YOU!" Tears were stinging my eyes. I took another big slash at him, and this time he pinned my saber with his and grabbed my fighting hand.

"I didn-" He was interrupted when my other fist connected with his face. He ducked to avoid another punch. "Liste-" I managed to land another punch.

Darin managed to pry my lightsaber out of my hand and tried to get back, but I tackled him to the ground, sending both sabers flying behind him.

"STOP!" he yelled before I punched him again. His arms were covering his face as I wailed on them before he pushed me off of him and wriggled free. I used the Force to pull my saber to me, but he grabbed it before it could reach me.

Before I lunged at him, he yelled "I FEEL THE SAME ABOUT YOU! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?"

I was barely able to register what he said, and immediately that fire I'd felt died and was replaced with the crushing weight of guilt. Words failed me. I had wanted a fight. I wanted a cathartic release of all the pent up frustration, anger, and pain I'd been bottling up. Now though, I felt horrible.

He dropped my saber to the ground and went and grabbed his. "You better get to your flying lesson before you're late," he said quietly before gingerly grabbing his water and leaving me in the room.

"Yoo hoo. Command to Sadie. Anybody in there?"

I jolted myself back to the present, to the cockpit I was in with Caty, to the copilot chair of the Midnight Dove, the luxury ship Darin had acquired on Malastare. He and Vince had completed their modifications to the ship a few rotations ago.

"Yea, I'm here," I mumbled.

"Girl, you're clearly not. What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Mmmhmmm. Something is bothering you. Spill."

I sighed. "Darin and I got in a fight and I said some things I wish I hadn't."

"Such as?"

"That I wished I left him to die, and that I wished I had never met him. And then… then he said he felt the same way."

"Kriff, you guys don't pull any punches, huh?"

"I also attacked him." I sat back in the chair and groaned. "I'm a horrible person."

"Don't you dare. Nuh uh. You are not a horrible person. You're just hurting."

"I'm not hurting."

"Just because you don't feel like you're hurting doesn't mean you aren't. You're just used to the pain."

"You sound like your mother."

"You've never met my mother."

"All therapists sound the same."

"You've never been to a therapist."

"I watch movies."

"Barely."

We flew in silence for a bit. What was originally supposed to be flight training, which I usually looked forward to, was becoming something far worse. A therapy session. I wanted no part of it, but it wasn't looking like I was getting a choice here. We were trapped in a ship outside of the Everbright, and the controls weren't in my hands.

"Look, I would recommend apologizing to him," Caty said.

"He said he wished he'd never met me."

"So did you. But did you mean it?"

"No."

"Then it's probably a safe bet that he didn't mean it either."

"I'll do it another day."

"As soon as we get back."

"Tomorrow?"

"Today. That's your homework."

"Is that all, Dr. Cress?" I asked sarcastically.

"Ew. No. That's my mother. I prefer Admiral."

Q and Toby were in the hangar bay to greet us as we exited the Midnight Dove. I never actually got to do any flying today, which is probably for the best as I might have crashed the ship in my distracted state.

As we exited the ship, Q asked "You okay?"

"Mhm."

"Right well, you two are needed in the briefing room. The rest of the council is there."

"Council?" Caty asked.

Q shrugged. "I have no idea what else to call it." He and Toby turned to walk with us.

Toby moved so he was walking closer to Caty. She smiled at him, and he returned the smile. It was small, but I noticed it. As did Q apparently, as he said "So. How long have you two…?"

"Not long," Toby said quickly. "Don't tell Darin."

"Don't worry. He and I aren't really speaking right now," I mumbled. Toby raised an eyebrow, and Caty gave me a light shove.

"She's being overdramatic. As usual."

"I am not overdramatic."

"Uh huh. Tell me again, who was it that charged through this ship with M5 chasing them, all while screaming about being held hostage?"

"I have no idea. She sounds crazy though."

"Oh she definitely is."

"Nearly killed a man today," Q said.

"Might kill another," I said, glaring at him.

"Wait, what happened?" Toby asked, and was immediately met with warning glares from both Q and Caty.

"Nothing."

We reached the door to the briefing room and bidded the men adieu for now. Caty entered the room, with me following. Than and Darin were standing near some star charts, with Ster and Tag sitting by. M5 was there through a hologram.

"Admiral Cress. Commander Wren." Darin said curtly. He still had bruises on him that he hadn't healed, and I felt another pang of guilt. I tried to avoid looking at him.

"I like the new hairstyle," Tag said, and Caty smiled.

"Thanks! Meg did it today. She said my curls were too beautiful to keep tied in a bun all the time." She fluffed her hair dramatically. Meg was Vince's wife, and a hairstylist.

"She was absolutely right."

Darin cleared his throat, and said "Than, Ster, and I have been talking, and we agree that we desperately need a base of operations."

"Isn't this our base of operations?" Tag asked.

"A stationary one," Ster said. "An orbit for the ship to stay in to conserve fuel."

"Preferably a place with natural fauna so we can actually get some food," Darin said.

"With access to hyperspace routes."

Caty said "I can handle a few short jumps to reach a hyperspace lane, if that helps expand the search."

"You're confident about blind short-jumping in a capital ship?" Ster asked.

"That's what I've been doing to avoid being followed."

He nodded. "Impressive."

Bringing the conversation back around, Darin said "Than and I have been looking at star charts to try and find remote worlds that would meet those requirements, but we're having some issues."

"Most worlds on these maps meet some requirements, but not all. We will have to sacrifice some things," Than continued.

"I'm assuming you guys have a few worlds already in mind?" Caty asked.

Darin nodded. "We do. Consisting of Brath Quella, Popelios, Gamorr, Atollon, Iego, Rakata Prime, Garfanza, Hatchu Pana, and Xagobah."

"I've never heard of some of those," I said.

"That's the point. They're remote."

M5 said "Atollon does not appear on any star maps that I possess. How did you find it?"

"Holocron." Darin pulled out Jodi and pulled up a list of coordinates. "I found a log from something called Ghost Squadron. Got coordinates here for it, and I cross-referenced it and found empty space on every map."

"How do you know it is not a relay station or something like that?" Tag asked.

"They talk about…" He snapped his fingers as he searched for the word. "Spiders! Native spiders!"

Caty recoiled. "Eugh. I'll stay on the ship, thank you."

"It looks like this is the best bet then. We need a backup plan though," I said.

M5 whirred. "I don't recommend Brath Quella. It's a ball of rock and ice."

A shiver ran through me as I remembered the biting cold of Ilum.

Tag stood up and stretched before saying "I think Atollon is the best choice. If nobody even knows it exists, we can safely stay there."

"We don't know anything about it," I countered. "It could be terrible. Which is why we need a backup."

Caty checked the coordinates to her wrist comm and said "It's only a few hours away, and these coordinates are more or less on the way to Popelios."

"Sounds like a good place to start."

I stood outside Darin's door. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to apologize.

I knocked, and the door opened for me and I walked through. His entire dining table was still covered in documents. A blaster sat dismantled in a frying pan on the small caf table. Seth was in the sink. This place was just as chaotic as I remembered.

I felt through the Force and found him on the floor in his room, back against the wall.

He had left quickly after the meeting, not talking with anybody. The others seemed to be giving him space, and I couldn't blame them. The usual jokes, jabs, and quick smiles were gone, replaced with dark and brooding. I had tried to reach out, feel through the Force, but he had walled himself off so completely that I couldn't even begin to break through.

His arms and face were bruised, which was odd. He usually healed himself right away.

I shuffled awkwardly as I stood in front of him. "You left quickly."

He gave a grunt, but said nothing. His eyes remained closed.

I stood silently for what felt like an eternity. I wanted to apologize, I needed to apologize, but I didn't know how to even start. Eventually Darin looked at me, confused, and said "You can sit if you want."

I quickly sat down against the bed so I was opposite him, and stared at him. "You're still bruised."

"I am."

"Why?"

"Bruises take a while to heal. They don't just disappear."

"They do when you heal them."

"Not in the mood."

I didn't know how to respond. Another silence followed. I had to do it.

"I'm sorry."

"You're fine."

"No, no. Don't blow it off. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I snapped today. I'm sorry I attacked you. I'm sorry I said what I said."

He nodded and gave me a small smile. "Thank you."

"I didn't mean what I said."

He nodded, then said "I did."

"Oh." Those two words hit me like a slap, and I felt the fire rising again. "I see. Fine." I stood up. "I'll leave you then."

I started to storm out, but he used the Force to grab my arm. I tried to shake it off, but he didn't let off. If he had actually grabbed my arm, I probably would have just punched him again, but I couldn't punch the Force.

"I clearly didn't communicate that correctly."

"Oh no, you made it clear you felt the same about me. All those things I said about wishing I'd left you to die, you felt the same, and you meant it. No, that's quite clear." I grunted as I tried to twist the Force tendril, intercept it with my own, or do anything I could think of to free myself, but none of it worked.

He stared at me, horrified. "That is the complete opposite of what I meant."

"Then what could you have possibly meant?"

"Uhm." He broke eye contact and stared at the floor. "Kriff. Uhm. Well. I… uhh… kriff. Ilum."

I stopped struggling.

He was clearly uncomfortable. "I'm trying to say… I feel the same about… Ilum."

"Wait, you mean…?" I stopped as I processed what he was saying. He nodded.

Disbelief and overwhelming joy were the first emotions I felt, and were followed immediately by more frustrated anger. "Why the kriff did you wait so long?! Why not do something?! Say something?! Anything?!"

"What was I supposed to do? I'm supposed to train you! I'm not gonna jeopardize that!"

"Who said it would jeopardize anything?!"

"It's the very definition of a work-home conflict!"

"You thought we couldn't handle it?!"

"No!"

"Then why not do something?!"

"Because I don't want you to end up like-"

He stopped abruptly. I waited a moment for him to finish, and when it was clear he wasn't I said "Like who?"

His jaw clenched. "I don't want more people I care about dying."

I felt my anger dissipate. I understood what he was saying. Tentatively, I sat back down and said "There's no point in living if you aren't alive while doing it." One of my favorite lines from Across the Stars.

He gave a pained grunt. I've been noticing this more and more recently. He always denied being in any pain, but it was getting harder for him to hide it from me. Something was clearly wrong. "I'm sorry," he muttered.

"It's okay."

"No it's not."

A hollow silence followed.

"Darin?"

"Yea?"

"Are we okay?"

"I'm fine. Are you fine?"

"I'm fine if you're fine."

He gave me a small smile and rolled his eyes. He got up, took a seat next to me, and took my hand. Nothing more. He just sat there and held it.

I leaned my head on him, and he gave my hand a squeeze. Nothing more was said between us.

For the first time in a long time, I felt at peace.