-Darin-

I grunted as I woke up. I hadn't even realized that I had fallen asleep. To be fair, the growing pain in my body was making sleep much more difficult to obtain, so I've been exhausted.

"Hey," Sadie said. "Welcome back."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep. I-"

"You mumble in your sleep."

Oh kriff. The nightmare.

"Who's Neema?"

My heart stopped. "Nobody," I managed to say unconvincingly.

Her eyes narrowed. "She didn't sound like nobody."

"We were… close."

"Close? How close?" Her voice had an edge to it. I really did not want to talk about this.

"Well, we… you know… close."

"Unbelievable. You finally open up, and immediately you're dreaming about other women. I knew this was a mistake."

"No, look, its not-"

"We're needed at the bridge."

She stood up from where she was sitting near me and stormed out of my room, slamming the door behind her.

I hated the bridge.

I could feel my heart race as I entered, and saw the orange planet before me. Having had enough of the view, I immediately averted my eyes and made my way to the others, watching my feet the entire time. Instead of vision, I used the Force to navigate the room. Less issues that way.

The others were discussing plans on setting down on the planet, but seemed to stop talking as I walked to them. I could sense their confused looks, but ignored them.

The only emotion I could sense from Sadie was hatred, all pointed at me. I didn't blame her. I didn't have a chance to explain anything earlier. I just hoped that once I did, it could return to how it was before I fell asleep. I liked that very much.

Something curious suddenly pulled my attention away from everything on the ship and to the planet. Even from outside of the planet's atmosphere, I could feel something incredibly powerful through the Force. I started to have a funny feeling that there was a very good reason this planet was not on any star charts.

Caty cleared her throat to break the silence. "We were just discussing plans for setting up camp on the surf-"

"No." I grimaced as a wave of pain washed over me. My head was pounding, but I pushed forwards. "Something lives on that planet. I can feel it from here."

"So do you want me to go to Popelios?"

"No. I want to go down and see what it is. It could be helpful."

"Alone?" Than asked.

"No. Sadie will come with me, and I can bring Toby and Brick."

"I have a lot to do here. I can't go," Sadie said.

"You are going." It came out harsher than intended, but I needed to talk to her.

With that, I slowly left the bridge, never once looking up at anybody.

I needed to lie down.

I groaned as I sat in the back of the Midnight Dove.

"You alright?" Brick asked. "You look pale."

"I'll live." I wasn't so sure about that anymore.

I took a few deep breaths and tried to steel my mind for the task at hand. I got up and went to the cockpit. The door opened, and I immediately felt the panic start to set in as I took in the view of space. "Toby, leave us."

"Sure thing."

I waited until he left before slowly making my way to the copilot's chair. I tried not to look out the window, to focus on the floor, but it wasn't working very well.

"Neema was the niece of Senator Glasko of Pantora."

"Now is not a good time for-"

"She was traveling with Senator Glasko. Fral and I were their escorts. While flying over Florem, we were attacked by pirates and forced to land. We got separated in the crash. Fral with Glasko, and Neema with me. Comms were destroyed. We were constantly under attack. We had to forage for scraps, steal to survive. I was eighteen, she was nineteen. Naturally, we grew… close. We had… well, you know. Urges, needs, whatever you want to call them. Anyways, after two months, I managed to find Fral and Glasko, and we took a dinky ship. No hyperdrive or anything, barely able to reach space. We got out to space, called the Order, and waited. We waited a long time. By then, the pirates had found that we stole a ship and came looking for us. That's when the Order arrived. Not in a capital ship, but in a small Corvette with two fighter escorts, against who knows how many pirates. We managed to link up to the Corvette amidst the firefight and get Senator Glasko with Fral to the Corvette. Before Neema and I could get across, one of the pirates shot the connecting bridge. I managed to close the hatch before either of us got sucked out into space, but we were stuck on the ship. We ran to the controls to take command of the ship, find another way to dock, when the pirates hit the cockpit." I shuddered at the memory. "The cabin depressurized. My body slammed against the shattered glass, and we got sucked out. I yelled for Neema, but I couldn't make a sound. I remember floating out in space, bleeding, feeling the most intense cold I had ever felt in my life, and feeling myself dying. I was utterly helpless, powerless to stop it. I have no idea how long I was out there. The next thing I remember, I was in a hospital bed with Fral by me. He… he said that Neema didn't make it. He said it was a miracle I survived." I took a moment before saying. "Neema's death was a political disaster. A 'failure by the Jedi'. I was finishing my padawan training shortly after this. I was almost kicked from the Order, until Fral stepped in and shared the blame with me. Instead of being made a Knight like the others, I was made a Scholar. Deemed 'unfit for active duty'. Fral lost his position as a Grand Master because of me. Senator Glasko ended up committing suicide."

I waited a moment for a response from Sadie. She just let out a quiet "oh."

"Neema is not a dream, she's a nightmare."

"You never mentioned any of this to me."

"I don't talk about it."

I let go of the chair I'd been holding so tightly to. The pressure in my chest was causing me to begin hyperventilating. I had stayed as long as I dared. As quickly as I could, I dashed out of the cockpit and took a seat against the wall, trying to take slow breaths to calm myself. Toby looked at me curiously, but didn't say anything as he re-entered the cockpit.

Brick handed me a blaster rifle and a rag. "Clean it."

"I'm sorry?"

"Clean it. Distract yourself." He busied himself with his supply pack. Clearly this was not up for discussion.

It wasn't a bad idea.

I dropped from the side of the ship as soon as I could. I couldn't stand to be on it any longer.

Shortly after I started free-falling, I could feel the panic start to dissipate.

Gravity. Oh I've missed you.

I felt a sharp pain stab into my side. I had no idea what was wrong with me, but I had to assume it was whatever they did to me on that medical ship. Whatever was done to me was now destroying me. It was the only thing that made sense.

I had accepted that I was dying. I accepted it a while ago. In fact, since I was sixteen I had lived recklessly. My parents hated me. The Order hated me. Fral was all I had.

It wasn't until Sadie that I felt like I mattered. Her friendship felt genuine and unquestionable, unlike the few I'd had in the Order. Training her in the Force made all the hell I went through in that Order worth it.

And now this, this road we had just dared take a step down…

I had no idea what it would bring, or where it led. I just knew I wanted to travel it with her. I really hope she feels the same.

I grunted and used the Force to slow my descent before landing hard on the rocky surface. I heard some scurrying behind me, and turned just in time to see spindly legs retract into a hole in the ground.

I tried to see through the Force, but saw nothing. Whatever was on this planet was interfering.

I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand on end as an unfamiliar presence approached behind me.

I quickly turned around and found nothing. I tried to sense through the Force again, but nothing happened.

I reached for a rock near me and it shot into my hand. Just had to make sure I wasn't fully cut off.

I noticed something sparkling on the ground and slowly made my way towards it.

Suddenly, the ground gave way below me and I was falling. I slammed hard against a smooth tunnel and continued sliding down rapidly. I tried using the Force to stop myself, but whatever had been interfering with me before was now stronger, preventing everything. I struggled to grab onto something, stop myself, but my hands kept slipping.

Even if I managed to grab onto something, the momentum might just rip my arms off, I thought glumly.

Eventually, I felt the tunnel start to slowly level off, and I started to slow down. I came to a stop and gasped as I felt a stabbing pain in my chest. I could barely breathe. I grunted and threw myself out of the little depression I was in and yelled in agony again as the pain spread to the rest of my body.

I wanted to die. I wanted so badly to die. I wanted this pain to end. I wanted all of my pain to end.

I reached out and grabbed at a root. I pulled myself forwards. Every molecule in my body screamed, begged me to stop, but I kept going. Ever so slowly, I dragged myself forwards. I don't know where I was going, but I couldn't die here.

I don't know how long I was crawling for when I heard a faint ruffling noise. I looked up in time to see a small owl land on a rock near me. It was green and white, with intense green eyes that seemed to peer through my soul. It tilted its head and watched me. Waiting for me to die, most likely.

The pain in my body reached heights I never thought it could as something seemed to struggle against me. I fought it down and continued struggling forwards, inching my body slowly across the ground.

I screamed in pain as something was violently ripped out of me.

It was gone. The pain was gone. I felt talons land lightly on my left arm, and looked up into the owls eyes.

I didn't know what happened. I tried to slowly lift myself off the ground. The owl flapped its wings to regain its balance, but clung to my arm. As I worked my way up, I found that a pair of red eyes fixated on me in the shadow. Never blinking, never wavering, they stayed glued to me. The owl hooted, and they retreated a little before coming back. I didn't know what was happening, but I decided to continue walking in the direction I had been going. The owl pecked at my forearm before settling down as we walked.

Footsteps behind me told me that I wasn't alone. I looked back and found that the red eyes were still on me.

I didn't know what was following me, but it didn't seem to like the owl.

I continued down the path, walking for what felt like forever, until I reached the end of the tunnel I was in. In front of me I found one of those massive outcroppings I had seen as I fell down, and a view of the sky.

The owl flapped its wings and flew towards the outcropping. I quickly looked behind me, but saw the red eyes were staying put, refusing to press forwards.

Lookin back, I saw the large outcropping shift. Part of me wanted to reach for my saber, but I held back the urge.

It turned, and I saw a massive figure in front of me that looked to be etched out of the rock. Its eyes were tiny pricks of light, and it had two massive horns and a large braided beard.

"You are a fool," it said, its voice booming through the room and reverberating in my chest.

"I get that a lot," I said. Why. Why did I say that. It was not the time or place.

It raised an eyebrow. "So you are aware of this, and yet you still sought out the Brother?"

"The… Brother?"

The thing motioned behind me, and I turned to look at the red eyes behind me.

"I don't know what that is," I said.

"Really? You had the Brother in you, and you never noticed anything different? That is quite amusing."

"Okay, well, I never wanted that thing in me. Never asked for it. I was grabbed and experimented on, and they must have put that thing in me."

"Experimented on?"

"Yea, see?" I lifted up my sleeve and showed the black numbers that were permanently in my arm.

The thing frowned before saying "Such a shame. I am sorry that this happened to you."

"Eh, it's whatever. Life, you know?"

He looked puzzled. "You have accepted your death?"

"No. I really don't want to die now."

It closed its eyes for a moment. The owl started to preen itself.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I am the Bendu," it said, eyes still closed.

Right. Of course. Makes sense. I guess I missed the part in university where I was taught about 'the Bendu'. I had no idea what this thing was.

"Am I already dead?"

He smiled. "I am determining this now."

Great.

The Bendu opened its eyes and frowned. "It would be in your best interest to die here."

Oh. Wonderful.

"Thank you for your suggestion. I'll see myself out now." I turned and found myself face to face with a tall shadowy figure with glowing red eyes. It bared its fangs at me, a cruel smile on its face.

"You must be the Brother. It's nice to finally meet you."

"Oh we've met already," he snarled as he took a few steps around me. I watched his form shift rapidly in front of me. Grand Master Sorsee. Sylvia. Neema. My father. My mother.

I tore my eyes away from the Brother and back to the Bendu. "Is he going to kill me here?"

The Bendu nodded. "For one reason or another, he has chosen you as his host. Once I am gone, he will consume your body and you will die. I will then trap him here on Atollan"

"That's pleasant."

"He knows exactly why I have chosen him. So much raw pain and hatred. So much fuel for me."

"Right. And is there any way I can avoid being consumed?"

The Bendu looked to the owl, which stopped preening itself and hooted at it. "The Sister has chosen to help you. She would counteract the Brother, and you would live. But the life you will live, it will not be pleasant."

"Why do you say that?"

"The path you would be taking, it leads through numerous chronal anchors. None of which bode well for you."

"Well, can I see them?"

The Bendu grimaced, and reached out his hand. In his palm, an image appeared.

I saw what looked to be news footage.

A wanted poster with my face, underneath which was the title "the Butcher".

I saw Kerlah sobbing, a body in her hands.

Grainy clips of me slaughtering Jedi in the temple.

A clear news reel as I saw myself fighting Sadie. I watched as she plunged a lightsaber through my chest. I saw Ster quickly rush into the room, walk to Sadie, and help her up. He turned with her, and I could see that she was devastated.

The Bendu closed his palm, and the image disappeared. "Your legacy will be one of death and destruction. You will be the most feared and hated man the galaxy has ever known."

I stared, dead silent. I still saw the clip of me fighting Sadie. I would never. I could never.

But at the same time, I could. Hurting family was in my blood.

Truly, death would be better for me. This, this life, watching as I slowly became what I hated, this would be true torture.

"And what about Sadie?"

"Sadie?"

"Sadie Wren. What happens to her if I die?"

"Ah. She… mourns, then dies during a mutiny shortly after."

"And if I live?"

"Well… she survives the mutiny. She goes on to become the Queen of Mandalore. She rebuilds the Jedi Order. Raises a family. Beyond that… I cannot say."

"Is she happy?"

"See for yourself." He opened his palm, and another image appeared.

I saw Sadie, visibly older but still just as beautiful. She had a brilliant smile as she held two little kids in her arms, reading a bedtime story.

He closed his palm, and the image vanished.

She was happier in this one moment than I had ever seen in her entire life.

-Sadie-

I flew down the hole Darin had fallen through. The only thought I had was that he was safe. I didn't know where I was or where Brick and Toby were. I felt the slide I was on level off and I quickly jumped off. I saw the dirt and rocks were flattened and spread in a large area.

He was dragging himself.

He was hurt.

I sprinted down the tunnel, no thought to my own safety.

I couldn't lose him. Not now.

I ran for what felt like ages. My lungs begged me to slow down, but I refused.

I finally saw a lump collapsed on the ground far in front of me.

No.

No.

No.

"Darin!" I screamed as I sprinted even harder towards him.

I slid to a stop by his body and grabbed him.

"No, no, no, Darin!" If he was breathing I couldn't tell. "Darin! Darin! Please wake up. Darin!"

He took a raspy breath, and then began coughing. He bent over and nearly hacked out a lung.

I grabbed him and hugged him as tight as I could.

"I'm sorry," I heard him whisper. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

He was crying now.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."