Chapter 15

He had never been a jealous person. He had had a few girlfriends, but they never made him feel jealous. He thought that if they didn't want to be with him, the best thing they could do was leave. With his Bella it was different. Because she was his. She was his and no one was to put their filthy hands on her. She was perfect and innocent and would stay that way forever.

But there he was, listening to her talk about the last school dance she'd gone to with the fucking captain of the football team and how much fun they'd had together.

They both knew each other's feelings but due to the distance, and their age, nothing could be done about it. How do you maintain a long distance relationship when you were only 17 years old? He had had girlfriends, she had gone out with boys, but at the end of the day, they always returned to the screens to share everything: their experiences, their feelings, their lives.

Someday it wouldn't be like that. Edward knew it well. He had made a goal for himself. Someday he would go get her and they would be together at the end of the day. She would be his experiences, his feelings, and his entire life. And hopefully, he would be hers. It was his goal and he would achieve it.

Thank God, Jake didn't try to kiss me again. He stayed the rest of the afternoon with me and Max and we talked until it got late. We ordered food and I had an amazing afternoon with him. Our relationship became more physical; now Jake held my hand, hugged me more, and was more attentive with certain touches. Still, I could feel somethin missing, something I had only felt when I shared stories with Edward. Was it just the familiarity of it all?

The rest of the week had passed like this. Jake would come and stay or we would go out. He was a very attentive boyfriend. I hadn't heard from Edward since the morning he left my house, but to be honest I hadn't tried to contact him either. I still feel guilty about the almost kiss and how close I came to doing it. Jake didn't deserve that.

When I told them everything that had happened with Edward during the monsoon, Rosalie and Alice were speechless although thanks to their damn habit of putting me on speakerphone near their husbands, they gave me advice. Well, tips supporting their favorite candidate.

Jasper had told me to send Edward flying and focus on what was starting with Jake. Apparently, seeing that I was that I was struggling with feelings on both sides, his suggestion of the experiment went out the window. After everything that happened with Edward, Jasper and Alice were the ones who had the most resentment towards him.

Emmett said that Edward had seniority and that I owed it to myself to explore feelings. Emmett was team Edward. He also explained to me that Edward was sad about me rejecting him and seeing me almost kiss Jacob had been the final straw; that made sense. I couldn't even imagine what he would say if and when he found out Jake and I were dating.

They were presenting their arguments again as we all prepared to enjoy some charcoal burgers at Rosalie and Emmett's house.

"I was going to push him away!" I explained for what seemed like the thousandth time.

"But Edward doesn't know that, and you have to admit that it was a very compromising position. And I know you don't owe him an explanation but he didn't know about you and Jake and maybe in his mind he thought there was something more between you and him," Rosalie explained.

"I don't know. I don't understand what's going on with Edward. I'm confused. At least I won't have to see him for a while."

"Are you still angry with him? I know you forgave him but maybe it was because of the moment and you're actually still upset," Jasper suggested.

"It's not that, Jasper."

"Is it Dimitri?" Emmett suggested.

I froze. That was it. Trying something with Edward would be like…

"Jake!" I heard Gabriel. Oh good. He was finally there.

Jake approached and looked happy to see me. I just smiled at him and got up to give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I was trying to be a good girlfriend. We sat down with the rest of the couples and had a pleasant chat while the kids played running through the sprinklers. I had opted to leave Max at home since I didn't want to deal with wet dog smell.

A shrieking horde descended upon us. Gabriel, ring leader of the water gun brigade, had rallied the rest of the kids, and Jake and I were their primary targets. We emerged from the soaking ambush, a bedraggled mess. Jake, ever the resourceful (or maybe just desperate), attempted to use me as a human shield, hugging me tightly – with moderate success, judging by the damp patch blooming across my back. I decided to sneak out to get some drinks for Jake and me.

"Uncle Grumpy!" Sam shouted in turn.

I looked at my "friends" in disbelief. They had evil smiles on their faces.

"Motherfu..." I started to say but I noticed Emma next to me and I shut up. I swore a lot but never in front of the children.

Edward was busy greeting Sam, who run to him to show him his new Star Wars ship. He turned to look at me for a moment and I quickly looked away. Jake approached and sat down, patting a spot next to him for me. Edward joined us not long after.

"How are you guys?" Jasper greeted. "Anything new since we last saw each other?" he asked raising his eyebrows.

I would kill him. I would kill him and make sure it was painful and looked like an accident.

"Well, this beautiful lady agreed to be my girlfriend, so I'm very happy," Jake said, taking my hand. "But I'm sure you already knew that."

Edward looked at him resentfully and then looked at me. I turned away so as not to face his gaze. He was the one person who didn't know that.

"Just work for me," Edward answered.

"And you, Bella? Anything you'd like to add?" Emmett asked innocently.

I would kill him too.

"I'm going to see the children, excuse me."

Yes, I ran away. But I wasn't going to stay there and see the mocking faces of my friends.

The children were too busy with their game for me to interrupt them so I stood on the sidelines watching them. The realization of my feelings had hit me like a bucket of cold water.

"I would make a comment about you and Black but I learned my lesson last time," I heard Edward behind me.

"Is that why you've been avoiding me?" I asked, still focused on the children.

"Well, I figured if something had happened between you two when I left, you wouldn't want me to be bothering you."

I sighed, turning to look at him.

"It happened after you left, at the restaurant. He asked me to give us a chance. And about the other day, I wasn't ready for that step yet. In fact, I was about to push him away when you slammed the door and startled us."

When I finally got around to looking at him, he had an indecipherable look on his face. I felt a lump in my throat. I knew there were feelings there but I couldn't do anything about them. It would be wrong of me.

"Really?" he asked incredulously. "Were you also going to push…?"

"Hey!" Rosalie interrupted. She had always been good at that. "Come eat!"

Edward's gaze held a question, unspoken but heavy in the air. I knew exactly what he was about to ask. Panic gnawed at me. Lying felt wrong, a betrayal of the fragile trust we'd rebuilt. But the truth...the truth was a tangled mess of emotions I wasn't ready to untangle. Wouldn't I have let him kiss me? Probably. But the thought left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. Regret, a heavy stone, settled in my gut.

We spent a pleasant afternoon although Jasper and Emmett did everything they could to make me uncomfortable. It seemed like they had a bet to see who would insert the word kiss the most times in the conversation. I decided to focus on the children so I wouldn't have to pay attention to their stupid game. Alice and Rosalie were trying not to laugh at their husbands' jokes.

When it got dark, we took the party inside. The kids went to Sam and Emma's room so my distractions escaped. We were trying to decide on a board game when Jake got an idea.

"What do you think of truth and dare?"

Jasper and Emmett looked at him as if he were the answer to all their prayers. I tried to refuse because I could only get hurt from that situation but my pleas fell on deaf ears. Shit.

The game didn't start very badly. We all chose truth, except when Jasper or Emmett asked me, then I chose dare because I thought they couldn't do much damage. It was my mistake, actually, for worrying so much about what Jasper and Emmett would do. There were two more men in the room trying to get me out of my comfort zone.

The fairy lights cast a warm glow as the empty beer bottle spun. It landed and pointed at me accusingly.

"Truth or Dare?" Edward's voice had a playful tone, "Why am I even asking? I know you'll say truth."

Everyone laughed but I narrowed my eyes.

"Dare."

They looked at us waiting to see what he would do. Edward looked at me for a few moments and smiled.

"I dare you to sing something."

My friends froze in their places, looking between him and me waiting for my reaction. I looked at Edward confused considering that I had told him that I didn't sing anymore. The night we spent together talking, I had told him about the lullaby I had sung to Alec and that it had been the last thing I had sung. I used to love it, but, to me, singing was a thing full of life and soul and I felt like I was dead inside.

But Edward knew me. I never backed down from a challenge. I sighed, closed my eyes, and started singing "Your Song" by Elton John. It was the song I danced to at my wedding with Dimitri. It was the first thing that occurred to me and although the hole began to grow, I was able to manage it with my own breathing.

My gaze clung to my clasped hands. Each note carried me back to him – the crinkle around his eyes when he smiled, the glint of light on his glasses I could almost see reflected in the stage lights. The melody wrapped around me, warm and comforting, like a favorite sweater. My voice soared, a whisper at first, then gaining strength, shaking off the dust of grief. It felt good. It felt real. Like a part of me, long hidden in the depths of pain, had finally been released. As the last note faded, a sense of peace settled over me. I had found myself again, a melody reborn from the ashes of loss.

When I finished I looked at my friends and Jasper and Alice had unshed tears in their eyes. Jake, who was not easy to surprise, looked at me open-mouthed while applauding. Rosalie walked towards me and hugged me, that's when I felt her crying on my shoulder. Emmett nodded in approval and raised his thumb to show me that he was proud of me.

I looked toward Edward who gave me a beautiful smile before speaking,

"I think Bella won."