REEbook123: Yay! The reaction I wanted!
Guest: I'm sorry but I couldn't help it, haha. My evil writer side compelled me to leave it at that. Though I promise I didn't mean to wait this long - school completely swamped me these past two weeks.
bbymojo: Honestly I wouldn't have the guts to ask either!
argenteusvipera: Thank you so much! Part of this story is going to be Kyoya and Kosuke learning how to open up and communicate, but until then we've got this "pulling teeth" stuff to deal with. Kyoya isn't used to sharing his thoughts and feelings period, and Kosuke refuses to let anyone worry about her. Hence this mess...But by the end of this chapter I promise there's a step in the right direction for both of them!
pumpernickelpoe: Thank you!
Akari Wolf Princess: Kosuke didn't know for 100% certain, so she had to ask lol. Sorry for the delay, but here's the resolution!
Guest: I'm sorry for the cliffhanger, lol. Thanks so much! I'm so happy you're enjoying this fic!
The rain patters against the windows—the huge, wall-to-ceiling windows that keep no secrets to the outside. The reflection of the room is diamond-studded, the light catching on the drops and streams. A pretty sight, but bad weather for a party.
It's dark except for the single lamp Kyoya has on, and with the lulling sound of falling rain, he could fall asleep. He's already exhausted and the party is still young.
The room is sterile. The bedsheets are stiff, and the closet is barren. It's a guest room, one of many, and it makes Kyoya worry for his mother. Jin the socialite, the mother who forces one child or the other to take her out on the town at least once a week, living in a home filled with empty beds.
He doesn't know if having the party here was Jin's idea or Yoshio's. Kyoya is used to the Ootori mansion—what he will continue to call it, even if he's the only Ootori left in it—flooded with people, clinking champagne glasses and gliding across the freshly-waxed ballroom floor. No longer. Jin picked the place clean, it'd be like having a party in a cemetery. It almost makes Kyoya feel pity for a building, with only him and the staff to keep it company.
Probably it was Jin's idea. This could double as her housewarming party. Her (re)birthday. If it was Yoshio's, a performance of good will. Either way, it'll be a spectacle: a celebration of the partnership between Ootori Medical and Amida Health, just over a year following the cataclysmic departure of DomenMed, held in the home of the newly-divorced Jin Ootori.
If only Kyoya weren't an Ootori tonight.
The murmur of the party thrums like blood in the mansion's veins. It's gold to the Ootori mansion's silver, silk to velvet, but the art pieces still decorate the halls. The architect made every square inch new-age, chic, experimental, but Jin just couldn't part with her treasures from years gone by. As Kyoya trudges by, he passes the paintings and sculptures of his childhood. Rehomed.
He follows the pulse towards the heart. Probably his absence is already being pondered at. Guests checking their playbills for the dramatis personae.
Kyoya doesn't like to call himself antisocial, but right now he just wants to be alone.
"I…What?"
"I just—I just thought, maybe. The way that you guys talk to each other, the way you…look at them. B-but it's not my business. I don't know why I asked. You can—I'm sorry."
He'd tried, been trying, but it was like trying to make a flame burn from ashes. Not so much as a flicker.
Why?
It's a relief, but one that makes him feel stupid. When did this problem get solved?
The ashes bounce in his skull as he descends the stairs, the heartbeat louder. Laughter and footsteps, violin strings.
He didn't know when he fell for Tamaki and Haruhi, and it frustrated him.
He doesn't know when that changed, and it frustrates him so much.
Perhaps the party will awaken him—the chatter of voices like a splash of ice water. Not so. It's overwhelming. The sounds mix with the ones in his head into a cacophony that makes his teeth grit.
Someone immediately pulls him over when he returns. A shorter man, a bit portly, with round spectacles. Hiraga Tezuka. Head of Tezuka Pharma, a smaller but no less respectable corporation only two generations old. It's good that he's here tonight. He's a friend but not a partner of the Domens—whose absence tonight has surely been noted by all.
Hiraga bows to Kyoya, who of course bows lower, and says, "Kyoya, it's been far too long! How are you?"
"I'm doing well, Mr. Tezuka. And how are you?"
"Never better. It truly does seem like ages since we've last spoken. I hear you're really coming up in the world. I'm not surprised. I always knew you were destined for great things."
He should be elated to finally be seen, but his social skills are on autopilot. Nod. Smile. "Thank you."
"I'm sorry. Forget I asked, it's not my business. I don't know wh—"
"What do you mean, the way I look at them?"
"Um. I don't know, you just always seem so happy when they're around. You're not like that with anyone else, and I know you've known them for a long time, so I thought…But don't, don't worry about it, I don't know what I'm talking about."
"Just—wait. Just wait."
Write it on a chalkboard. Draw lines. Is there a common denominator? Any dependent variables?
No? Inconclusive.
"I won't keep you any longer; I just wanted to give you my congratulations." Hiraga nods to him again. "Enjoy the evening, Kyoya."
"Thank you, sir."
They depart, and Kyoya hopes for a second before the next interaction. He gets two.
"There you are! I was wondering when I'd find you."
Tamaki hasn't changed at all. Just Kyoya. Tamaki glides easily over to him, because somehow Tamaki never has to shoulder his way through a crowd, it just parts for him.
"This place is gorgeous, isn't it?" Tamaki looks up to the chandelier, shaped like a cluster of starbursts. Everyone is appreciating the artistry of the place, from the clear staircases to rock gardens to the indoor waterfalls. The tallest streams from the second floor and falls into a pool below, and the guests cluster around it. "Your mother has an eye for décor!"
Tamaki hasn't been back to the Ootori mansion since it was gutted. Kyoya wonders what he would say about it. "It's a stunning home, yes."
"I'm happy that you're here. It's always nice to see you at a party."
This non-schedule of his has no end in sight. Kyoya went to bed at three and awoke just a few hours ago. Twelve in the morning is no different than twelve in the evening now, but if this is just the stepping stone in his path, he'll take it. The road to success wasn't going to be lined with daisies. He won't tell Tamaki that parties are responsibilities, not reliefs.
Kyoya wants to say that he's happy to see Tamaki, too, but it's not really true. Tamaki is one of his favorite songs, being played in a library. Great, but not right now.
"Couldn't stay away from this." Kyoya is offered an hors d'oeuvre from a server. Despite not having an appetite, he takes it. He hasn't eaten since…He should just eat something. "This was a long time coming."
"Forgive me for not being informed, but…" Tamaki leans forward, unfortunately. "I was under the impression this was going to be a merger."
"It won't be. For the usual reasons."
The "usual reasons" being that convincing any business owner to give up the company with their family name in the title is about as easy as pulling teeth. Kyoya wonders if his father had misinterpreted such a thing, or if that was just wishful thinking fueled by panic.
This partnership, not fusion, is what they celebrate tonight. Looking around, Kyoya suspects that he'll be seeing just about every person here at his and Kosuke's wedding. Shigeo's people, Yoshio's people. Most strangers with names.
"I'm going to go back. I'm sorry, I—"
"Why are you asking?"
"I…"
"Why are you asking."
"Because I'm…worried. When Haruhi gave you her gift earlier, you looked…"
"Have you seen Kosuke yet?"
"No. I didn't realize she'd arrived yet."
Tamaki beckons Kyoya with a nod of his head. Through the triangular entryway of cherry wood is the heart pumping the blood. So many faces, a sky full of stars. In the middle of that sky is Kosuke, standing opposite of a halfmoon of older men and women. Probably some who still have not met Shigeo's long-lost daughter. Whatever she's saying, it's making them smile out of amusement, not pity. One woman covers her laugh with the palm of her hand, and Kosuke does the same.
Kyoya has tried to factor her in, thinking Kosuke served as a boundary for him, a neon stop sign. I'm yours, you're mine, Tamaki and Haruhi's are each other's. Cease and desist!
That doesn't feel right. Does that mean that if Kosuke hadn't come, he would have been just as in love with Tamaki and Haruhi as ever? Would he have told Tamaki, "I'm happy that you're here, too"?
Tamaki beams with pride as the two of them watch the blonde charm the crowd. "She's doing great."
Kyoya glances at him from the corner of his eye. Yes, he hasn't changed at all.
Maybe he should have told Kosuke that.
Part of the reason Kyoya feels so light right now—and heavy—is because of her.
"You don't have to tell me. Even if you have an answer. You don't owe me one."
How long has he told himself to never say a word of this to anyone? Long enough for his hair to turn gray.
Partly because talking about it meant thinking about it. Partly because there was not only no point, it would just make everything worse.
He couldn't tell Tamaki or Haruhi and ruin everything. He couldn't tell Fuyumi and live with her pitying eyes for the rest of his life. He couldn't tell any of his other family because they weren't family.
Then here comes Kosuke, backing him into a corner.
He could've just said no. Easily and calmly, erasing the notion from her head in one clean swipe. Kyoya can keep his composure. He could've done that.
He just didn't. It was such a clean shot of a question, a bullseye, straight through every layer of defense he had.
He's used to doing that to her. Her armor is not as thick as she makes it to be—Kyoya can see through the cracks straight to her. He thought his was better crafted.
When the shock wore off, which took quite a long time, he had been surprised with himself. He hadn't been angry, or embarrassed.
He felt free.
"Do I really look at them like that?"
"Yes. I mean…I'm not trying to say that it's obvious, it's just that you're…You? Does that make sense?"
He was safe with Kosuke, Kyoya had realized, standing in front of that fountain with its smiling cherubs.
Would she worry? Absolutely.
Would she tell anyone? Absolutely not.
Would she understand?
Of course she would. She always does.
So Kyoya opened his mouth and let out the words that had been trapped away for far too long.
"Is that a yes?"
"It's an…'I don't know.'"
"What do you mean?"
What did he mean?
Of course he was in love with Tamaki and Haruhi. He did not suffer through years of this pining nonsense to realize that he wasn't.
Tamaki says something to him, but Kyoya doesn't catch it. Tamaki leaves him there and goes to Kosuke, waiting for her to finish with her audience. They speak words Kyoya can't make out, unimportant words. Just two friends talking.
Does Kosuke look at Tamaki different now? Kyoya can't tell from so far away.
He regrets not asking her back then how long she'd suspected—if she, too, was letting go of a secret she couldn't keep inside her anymore.
"I'm not anymore. I don't think so."
"But did you?"
"Yes."
Hands rest on his shoulders. Shocking, but he recognizes the feeling of rings and bracelets.
"Am I going to have to keep you separated?" Jin jokes. She's dressed to match her new home. No mink shawl or opera gloves. Her dress is high-necked, half-white, half-black, making her scarlet lipstick pop. Her hair had started to grow out from its chopping, and she'd chopped it right back down again. "If you're like this all the way across the room from her, I think she'll consume you whole the second you two start talking."
"I have some self-control, Mother."
Jin laughs, and even that sounds new. She snorts and doesn't try to cover it up.
"So do you like it?" She waves a bejeweled hand around them. "I think the architect is a genius. I feel like I'm walking inside of an abstraction painting."
It is a beautiful building, and Kyoya won't say otherwise. But somehow, this feels like less of a home than the husk he's living in.
"You're right. It does feel like art."
"Now, I know you won't have much need to, but you can take any of those rooms upstairs and make it yours! Your home away from home."
She pats his cheek as she says this, her rings cold on his skin. It's hard not to miss the fractures in her words. Please come here. Make this a home.
"Of course, Mother."
Jin's smile brightens, then fades. She gives Kyoya's hands one last squeeze and lets them go. "Don't go too far. Your father should be doing a toast any minute now."
Kyoya nods, and she disappears once again, thriving in a crowd. She changes direction halfway across the floor, walking over to Kosuke and Tamaki and pulling her future daughter-in-law in for a hug before she can even blink.
"For Tamaki? Or Haruhi?"
"Both. I think."
"Oh."
He'd almost laughed at that. That had been his response, too, when he first realized. Oh.
Kosuke had kept facing the fountain, perhaps thinking that facing him head-on would cage him in. She was careful in her body and voice and even her eye contact. When he looked away from her, she did the same.
She just wanted to listen.
Among the crowd are the others. The twins are telling an excited fan about their upcoming fashion show, to take place on the Ryukyu Islands in June. Mori is speaking politely to a family friend of the Zukas. Hani and Reiko stand before the far wall, two stories tall, composed of shards of blue glass that shimmer sapphires in the rainfall.
Only Kosuke could he talk about this to, and he wasn't even sure of what to say.
"So…what do you mean, you don't know anymore?"
"It's…"
"No—Just—Why am I still prying? Don't. It's your business."
"Stop. I'm just trying to figure out what to say."
There was too much to tell her. He could have spoken for hours and still not have explained it all.
He did love Tamaki and Haruhi, though, he knew that much.
That wouldn't explain why his fantasies of a future with either of them never seemed to work. Any images he allowed himself to conjure were so basic, hardly ever making it past the idea. There was something more to it than just knowing it would never be.
So he loved them but couldn't imagine being with them. He loved them and is happy that he doesn't anymore.
What kind of love is that?
"It's different now. It just is."
"Okay."
"You were worried?"
"Yes. In case it wasn't different."
Jin has her arm around Kosuke's shoulder, using the other to animatedly tell Tamaki a story. His mother, his friend, and his former love.
See, maybe that's it. Maybe Kyoya doesn't have any answers because love for him never matched what he was told it was.
What is family to Kyoya? What is friendship, what is romance?
He looks down at his feet. A concrete floor in a foyer. If he can stomach the waterfall, he can stomach concrete.
If it weren't for his guests, he'd keep wandering the rooms. Not to hide, but to explore the abstraction. Try to see what home his mother sees here.
He feels better, he thinks, now that he can accept that there are no answers.
Kosuke had not furrowed her brows or tilted her head, hadn't said or done anything to tell him to explain better. Kosuke knows what love is, doesn't she? Perhaps she understands how messy it can be. Maybe she understood that she couldn't understand.
"Why?"
"Well…because they're engaged. I thought maybe that'd be hard for you."
"It isn't."
As Jin talks, and Tamaki laughs, Kosuke's eyes meet his across the room.
She looks away.
That's the heaviness that's come with the lightness.
There's something else. Once again, once again, once again hiding something from him.
Kyoya can't be upset this time. He hadn't realized it until much too late, in the week between then and now, too muddled between the pandemonium of his job and the enigma of his feelings to notice sooner. Things are different.
She talks to him the same, they see each other the same amount, but it's all surface-level. She is very pointedly trying to keep things as normal as possible.
At first Kyoya thought it was for him. She knows him, and she's known for a long time he does not want to be worried about. Didn't that sum up the first real words he'd ever said to her? I could do without the extra stress of convincing my loved ones that I'm not suffering.
Yes, Kyoya wants everything to be the same now.
She just keeps doing that. Looking at him and then looking away.
And the way they talk now, it's just not the same. She'd pushed so hard for normal that nothing was anymore. For over a week they haven't talked about his family, her family, not even this very party outside of vague allusions.
Why?
"Never?"
"I knew Tamaki and Haruhi would end up together within three days of them meeting."
Quoting his longtime justification, a prime non-answer, but that's not it. He fumbled with his words, but she understands he's fine now. She must.
Akito walks by. Then Yuuichi. Without a word, Kyoya falls into step behind him. Fuyumi is following somewhere, her and Tetsu and Nanako and Itsumi. Jin. All the Ootoris.
And Kosuke.
Yoshio and Shigeo take their places in the middle of the ballroom. The crowd shuffles, some trying to get a better view. There's Jin and Yoshio, standing side-by-side despite everything. There's Shigeo and Kosuke, the two Amidas to the nine Ootoris.
Kyoya stands next to Kosuke. They watch their fathers' backs, standing side-by-side just as they did at the fountain. Kyoya sees his parents standing in the same room and he can't remember the last time he did.
Yoshio doesn't even have to call for attention. As far as the crowd is concerned, the curtains just rose. "I would like to thank all of you for being here to celebrate with us tonight. This is a wonderful time for us and it's a pleasure to share it with you."
Jin takes it up right away. Maybe they practiced. "We are here to celebrate and give thanks to this partnership between Ootori Medical and Amida Health. Our future together is bright, and we're honored to have it."
The crowd applauds. A wonderful show.
Shigeo takes his place next, raising his champagne glass in a brief toast. "Our union gives us all too many possibilities to count. There is no doubt in my mind that together, there will be no end to our success."
Kosuke is twisting her ring.
"This year has certainly been eventful for us." That's what the crowd was waiting for: how they would describe it all. Unfortunate? Upsetting? No, just 'eventful.' "But I say with no uncertainty that we have emerged from it stronger than ever."
"With this union comes another." Jin holds out her hand to Kyoya and Kosuke, directing all smiles to them. "A beautiful one, between our son Kyoya and Shigeo's daughter Kosuke. We all wish them nothing but happiness."
Another round of applause. Kyoya and Kosuke do their part, smiling and nodding their thanks, Kosuke blushing under the attention. With all the other drama surrounding the two families, their love story gives something a little sweeter for the masses to eat up.
Kyoya takes her hand, feeling the cold ring in his palm. They don't look at each other.
"Oh. Okay."
"So don't worry about me."
"Alright. Can you just promise me?"
Yuuichi raises a toast to the future—the family's, Kyoya and Kosuke's. Champagne glasses lift in salute, and then they disperse, cut loose.
Someone waves for Kosuke to join them at once, not done wondering over her. Kosuke pulls her hand away from Kyoya's to go over. She doesn't look at him as she goes.
Why? What's wrong? Why can't they just go back to normal?
Tamaki returns, hands clasped together as he goes to Kyoya's father and Kosuke's, bowing low. "I wanted to give you my good wishes firsthand. I'm looking forward to seeing all of you prosper."
For just a second, Tamaki's eyes flicker on Shigeo, going up and down. Sizing him up, which Kyoya has never seen him do to anyone else. For just a moment, the prince's charm wavers, and something else flashes. Kyoya doesn't catch it before it's concealed again by a smile.
"Thank you, Tamaki." Yoshio nods his acknowledgement, and at the same time as Kyoya, catches the look in Shigeo's eyes: a struggling familiarity. "Shigeo, don't tell me you haven't met Tamaki?"
"I'm afraid I haven't. Yuzuru's boy, is that right?"
Tamaki bows again. "Yes, sir!"
"I'm surprised," says Yoshio. He turns to Kyoya, raising a brow, as though to blame him for this. "I thought all of you were as thick as thieves."
"It's my fault, Yoshio. I've been away for far too long. It's a pleasure to meet you, Tamaki. I've heard nothing but good things of you. You're a friend of Kosuke's?"
"Yes, sir, I have been for a long time. You've—got an amazing daughter."
Shigeo nods his thanks, and Kyoya tries and fails to catch Tamaki's eye. You've raised an amazing daughter, he'd almost said, and then remembered.
At her new audience, Kosuke looks their way. Her eyes meet Kyoya's, and she turns away once again.
"Promise what?"
"That you really are okay and you're not just saying that."
Jin reappears, taking Kyoya's hand and leading him away without breaking her stride. "Come along, Kyoya, your presence is needed."
In front of the mosaic wall, Fuyumi stands with Kosuke. Apparently she'd been assigned to corral her, too. She's saying something to Kosuke about a friend from Singapore coming in for a visit next week, undoubtedly inviting Kosuke to join her for a lunch date. This is the true Ootori experience, being strongarmed into lunch dates with Fuyumi anytime, anywhere. Kosuke is taking it in stride, though. She clearly loves Fuyumi as Fuyumi does her.
It would be a pleasant sight if Kosuke would look at him, but she doesn't, even as Jin pushes the two of them together. Kyoya hadn't realized they were being followed the whole time. Behind Jin is a man with a camera as large as a printer, fiddling with the buttons, looking through the lens until he's satisfied.
"You know what?" Jin shakes her head. "No, the waterfall would do better. Come along."
She leads a train through the crowd to the foyer. Kyoya brings up the rear, following Kosuke's back. There are a few still mingling around the waterfall, but they stand and step away as Kosuke and Kyoya are all but shoved in front of it.
"Now, come together, you two." Jin uses her thumbs and forefingers as a frame, as though the actual photographer isn't doing the same with the actual camera. "We need to commemorate this night! A little to the left…That's it…"
They shuffle in tiny steps, lifting up their chins and pulling back their shoulders as instructed. Closer, says Jin, so he puts his hand on her shoulder and pulls her toward him just so.
"Now what is that?" Fuyumi tuts. "You two look so stiff!"
So Kyoya drops his hand to her hip instead. It takes a ridiculous amount of time to get the shot just right—every time the photographer says alright, Jin says wait. Only when Fuyumi calls one shot 'perfect' three times are they released. Kyoya lets Kosuke go and she still doesn't look at him.
"I promise that I really am okay and I'm not just saying that."
She didn't believe him.
That's the most logical answer and it still isn't logical. If she were worried about him, she wouldn't stop looking at him.
"Miss Jin?" Jin perks up as Kosuke steps over to her, but her smile is closed-lipped. She wants Kosuke to call her Mother, Kyoya knows, because that's what she'd told Itsumi, Nanako, and Tetsu to do within five seconds of meeting them. She doesn't say anything about it—perhaps realizing that it's not the same for Kosuke. "I'm sorry, but…"
Her voice drops quieter, but Jin's laugh is crisp and loud.
"Oh, I could hardly find it myself, dear. Go upstairs and to the right."
Kosuke bows her thanks and goes to the clear staircase (which is already showing smudges and scuffs from the foot traffic tonight). Jin departs to mingle once again, but Fuyumi stays where she is. With her champagne flute in one hand, she leans over the stone wall of the pool to glide her fingertips across the surface of the water.
"You should know," she says, "that she's going to turn that into a huge portrait to hang on one of these walls."
"I don't recall her doing that for you and Tetsu."
"She said she's going to do it for all of us. But you guys are going to be first."
Talking to yet another friend, Jin waves down a server for more champagne. She takes two. Her cheeks are starting to go pink. The crowd shifts, and Kyoya sees she's with someone, to whom she gives one of the flutes.
Panic ends with a sigh of relief. Fuyumi sees it, too, and looks disinterested in the rest of her own champagne.
"She really is excited for you two, you know."
"I had no doubt about that."
"I'm just saying, don't think she's just trying to make up for a bad beginning."
"I never said I thought that."
Fuyumi finishes the champagne after all. He'd lied, of course. He'd thought of it but she was thinking it now. Kinuye Uchida.
"It's just that…" Fuyumi deliberates, hand fluttering, and finally sits down on the stone. "It's different with you, you know?"
"I know. Her baby boy."
"Well, that, but." She shrugs. "With the rest of us she got to hear about our middle school crushes and who we were going to ask to a school ball. She has to make up for lost time."
Kyoya flicks a brow up, acknowledging. Before the Host Club, when they all more or less attended in collective, he had never made the effort to ask anyone to any balls or parties at Ouran. Once or twice a girl asked him first, and he always said yes to be polite.
Jin had prodded him sometimes. Is there anyone in class that you like? So-and-so said you were studying with such-and-such today, is that truuuue? Instead of blushing cheeks and stammered words, all she'd gotten were headshakes. Before Haruhi and Tamaki, Kyoya had been content to be alone. A mother's well-intentioned worst nightmare.
"You should've seen her when…" Fuyumi waves a hand. "Nevermind."
"I should've seen her when what?"
"When Dad told her he thought you fancied Haruhi. She was mad on hope, went on and on and on about how she had to meet her and that they had to have a dinner for you two. Then about five seconds later Dad had to tell her Tamaki had already snatched her up." Fuyumi snaps her fingers, aw man. "Deflated like a balloon."
Ah, right. Yoshio almost tried to get him and Haruhi together. For some reason…
"What gave him the impression?" Kyoya shakes his head, like it's a ludicrous idea. "I didn't treat her any differently than anyone else."
"Mm…I'll have to disagree with you on that. You always seemed relaxed when she was around. Tamaki, too, but you never screamed about how much you hated Haruhi for dragging you around Hokkaido." Kyoya purses his lips. That was not his finest moment, and Fuyumi had never let him live it down. "We just thought. That's nothing to the way you are around Kosuke, though. Hey, what's with the face?"
"I'm not making a face."
"Yes you are, you're doing your—" Fuyumi makes her face go blank, and touches a finger to her chin. "—face."
"You must've had more to drink than I thought. Maybe you shouldn't sit so close to body of water like that."
"Ha, ha. You're such a comedian." The two quiet as another server passes by and takes Fuyumi's empty flute. The foyer is empty now. The party thrives on the other side of the triangle entryway, and they watch suits and dresses pass by in a picture show. "Does it bother you for some reason? You have Kosuke now. There's nothing to be scared of."
She gives a teasing laugh.
"Alright. I'm sorry, again. I shouldn't be so nosy."
"No, it's fine."
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
"I am."
You have Kosuke now.
Oh, spare him, is that the problem?
"I'm going to get back." Fuyumi stands and brushes the skirt of her dress straight. "Are you going to wait on Kosuke?"
Kyoya looks up the second-floor landing, at the top of the scuffed glass stairs.
"Yes, I am."
"Alright. Hey, enjoy yourself tonight. This is a celebration."
Kyoya doesn't respond.
He's not angry. Disappointed, maybe. In himself for not realizing it sooner, and in Kosuke, for lying to him.
When Kosuke finally reappears, she hesitates, her at the top of the stairs, him at the bottom. She can't not look at him now, so very clearly waiting on her.
She comes, one hand on the banister, kitten heels clicking on each step. She stops three above him and waits.
"Stop feeling guilty."
Her brows knit together. "I'm sorry?"
"I said 'I promise that I'm fine.' So why do you feel guilty?"
Of course, like always, she goes rigged all over, blinking at him a few times and then casting her eyes to the floor. She doesn't argue with him anymore because she knows it doesn't do any good. So why she doesn't just open her mouth and speak while she's at it, he doesn't know.
"I'm just—worried."
"Why? I told you not to be."
"I know you did."
"If I had a yen for every time I've heard you say 'don't worry,' I could buy this building three times over. So why—?"
Kyoya stops himself and takes a breath. He's not mad. He's not asking how dare she not do as I say. He's just so sick of watching her do this to herself.
"I know that saying 'I think it's over' wasn't a very concrete answer. I should have said 'I know so.'"
Kosuke taps a finger on the silver banister. "So why didn't you?"
It's a perfectly fair question and he hates that she's asked it.
Or does he?
Kyoya crosses his arms and steels himself. Please, let him articulate this.
"Because I don't know why it's over." Kosuke drops the hand on the banister and holds it with the other. She waits patiently for him. "I've been trying to find answers for some time now—why I felt the way I did for them, when it happened, when it stopped. The only answer I can come up with is just because, and I had to accept that that was acceptable."
The toe of one of her kitten heels is twisting on the step.
Right. I'm not upset, he whines.
"What I'm trying to say is that it has nothing to do with Tamaki or Haruhi and everything to do with myself." He pushes up his glasses for no reason. He supposes he's not the only one with obvious tells. "I like having answers. I wanted to be able to explain it all in facts and I just couldn't."
Kosuke nods unconvincingly. Her toe is still twisting, and now she's chewing on the inside of her cheek.
"And just to state an obvious fact, they're getting married. It's not as though you've ruined my chances."
They lock eyes briefly. Close, but not quite.
"I know that. Still."
He knows. Sadly, ironically, she would have been right a year ago.
He hadn't blamed her for keeping Tamaki and Haruhi from him—again, they were set in stone the second that they had met. She wasn't the problem, but he'd made her represent the problem. All his frustrations, personified in blue eyes and a kind smile.
But she's not right now.
"No, not 'still.' Let me tell you something, Kosuke."
When she refuses to raise her chin, he leans his head down until he catches her gaze with his.
"If you hadn't asked, I wouldn't have ever told anyone. Whether they'd asked or not."
That's all he can say. Again, he fears anything else will be too much, too much. Please don't think that you're a problem for me. Please know that you've helped me. Please understand that you're one of the few good things I have going for me right now.
He can see it in her eyes that she thinks of everyone he has. Fuyumi. His brothers, his parents. All his friends, Tamaki and Haruhi. There was only her.
"What you said…" Kyoya's lips shut briefly, almost reflexive. He swears, his body is literally rejecting voicing his thoughts. "About how you like to think we'd be friends even if we hadn't met like this. I didn't say anything, but only because I could've have said it better."
At the same time, they feel eyes upon them, failing to be discreet. The foyer is still empty, and to everyone who passes the entryway, they are as visible as a painting on a wall. Kyoya Ootori and Kosuke Amida, The Celebrated Betrothed, Clearly Having a Serious Conversation, acrylic on canvas.
Kosuke's shoulders sag with a sigh. If, indeed.
Their intermission has to come to an end. There was Jin's rebirth, the show of unity of the Ootoris, and now, Act Three.
Kyoya offers his hand and Kosuke takes it, like clockwork.
"You've been a help, not a burden." To his horror—because he had not meant to, because after grappling with an uncontrollable mind and an uncontrollable heart, he now had an uncontrollable body to contend with—he gives her hand just the slightest squeeze, emphasizing. Him. He did that. Maybe he's not Kyoya Ootori after all? "Now, let's go back to normal."
She takes the three steps down the smudged glass stairs, the clicks of her heels almost drowned by the pour of the waterfall, until she steps down onto the concrete floor. Another thought, no less unspeakable: you're the only thing here that feels remotely like home.
She gives his hand a squeeze, too.
"We will. I promise."
He thinks that's that, the book closed, but just before they step onto the stage, she says, "It's not that hard to explain why you did, you know."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I don't think it's a mystery that you would fall for them. They're great people."
The one time he doesn't second-third-hundredth guess himself of what to say next, he doesn't get the chance so. They sink back into thankful smiles and respectful bows, countless well-wishes and toasts to their future. Kosuke hardly leaves his side for the rest of the night, and yet he still never gets the chance to say you're a great person, too, before she goes.
And there it is. My sincerest apologies for keeping that cliffhanger for so long.
Thus is the kinda-sorta culmination to this arc of Kyoya's. Not that Kyoya's feelings for Tamaki and Haruhi will never be mentioned again, but this is more or less the official conclusion. What do you think? A satisfactory ending, or no? Please let me know!
Chapter summary:
Following his conversation with Kosuke, Kyoya is as relieved as he is stressed. On the one hand, he's finally shared a secret that he's kept for so long. On the other hand, realizing he no longer has feelings for Haruhi and Tamaki confuses him, as he does not know why these feelings have gone away. Not helping is the celebration of Amida Health and Ootori Medical's partnership (taking place in Jin's new home) and Kosuke's careful distance since their talk. Kyoya realizes that Kosuke feels guilty for being his fiancee while he was in love with Tamaki and Haruhi. He confronts her about her guilt and promises that not only does he not even slightly resent her, but that she's also one of his best friends. The two make amends, and Kyoya finally comes to peace with not having the answers to everything.