Based on a True Story...probably...maybe...not really...also a remake, sorry.
A disgruntled James Cullen entered Brainiac 5's office in Metropolis. He was a short dark-skinned man with black hair and a beard. He didn't have any powers to speak of but had an electronic belt that gave him stasis powers. "You were commissioned a lieutenant as a C-class Vindicator. You resigned due to racial complaints and now you're out of work which means you now have an E-1 pay grade. Unfortunately, alien residents are not allowed to be jobless. So, I'm afraid I'm going to have to deport you back to Xanthu," Brainiac 5 said.
"I've been looking for work, man," James excused.
"I know your Internet search history and I track your every move, and you're not," Brainiac 5 said otherwise.
"Should I get credit for at least trying?" James asked.
"I can easily assign you a position," Brainiac 5 said patiently.
"All of those jobs are bullshit. I want a real job where I'm a hero and shit," James said with false sincerity.
"I have three open positions that might interest you," Brainiac 5 considered.
James frowned as he realized he had been sent to a Big Belly Burger fast-food place. James gave some BS answers to the manager and wasn't hired. James then went to a computer engineering firm and found work there to be boring as fuck, so he quit on the first day. At Alex's mansion, Kelly considered staff applicants. "So, you fired David. That was rash but that's neither here nor there. I'm going to look over some applicants for you." Alex nodded tired. She was eight months pregnant and feeling about the burst.
James entered Alex's mansion and found a dozen other applicants for a position James didn't recognize, a life auxiliary. He went over to the coach to sit down. "Move your ass," he said to one applicant.
"The fuck you say?" the applicant refused.
James sighed and then lightly touched his belt. The applicant froze in a stasis forcefield.
In the study, Alex and Kelly went over applicants. "So, how would you describe yourself?" Kelly asked brightly.
"I take my relationship with my clients very personally...err...seriously...professionally, as well, of course," #1 stuttered. "I don't hear disability. I hear diss-ability as in the ability to diss people, if you know what I mean," #2 said. "Let me put my hands on your arms, on your legs, allow the space where I begin and you end to be both infinite and intimate," #3 said super-seriously.
"I love that. It's like poetry, it rhymes," Kelly said pleased.
"The book the queen wrote about you changed me. So, even if I don't get the position, I was hoping for an autograph," #4 said.
Alex took Kara's book, sighed, shook her head dismayed at the self-serving narrative, and then signed it. "Now, scram."
In the waiting hall, James had just destroyed the thunder bucket and found no one there. He awkwardly looked around and found himself in the library filled with old-fashioned books. James eyed the collection confused as he had never seen a book like this before in real life. James then went back into the waiting hall only to find there were now more applicants and he was now lost in line again. "Well...shit."
"I see your disability as not something that has been taken from you but what you have been given," #5 said vaguely.
James suddenly barged into the office. "I've been waiting near a damn hour. I need to be seen, alright."
"You need to wait your turn. Go back to the waiting room," Kelly said assertively.
"Whatever it is, I can do it. I'm a superhero. I create forcefields and shit. I'm an extremely attractive candidate, a supermodel, in fact," James said confidently.
"You know that I'm queer, right?" Alex asked.
"Hey, I didn't judge you, you don't judge me," James shot back.
"Thank you for coming," Kelly said to #5, awkwardly escorting him out.
"Have a seat, James," Alex rolled her eyes. "Have you ever done this kind of work before?"
"I have done everything one has done with their hands," James replied.
"Do you even know what this job is?" Alex asked.
There was a long awkward silence between them. "Not...really," James admitted.
Alex shook her head dismayed. "The public is not enamored with the fact that I'm queer in a queer relationship, but they'll let it slide if I undergo rehabilitation. Your job is to rehabilitate me."
"No offense, but that sounds queer," James said amazed.
"You want the job? It's a lieutenant's position, the same rank you had before," Alex asked.
"Alex, what are you doing?" Kelly asked shocked and appalled.
"So, what does that mean? I have to whip out my dick until you're cured?" James asked confused.
"You have to hang out with me, go where I go, live with us, and there would be travel," Alex said.
"Do I have to cure your boo as well?" James asked referring to Kelly.
Alex gave him a WTF look but quickly recovered. "No, it's just me. Come back tomorrow ready to work."
"Well, okay then," James said and walked out of the room.
"Alex, was that wise?" Kelly asked gently.
"This whole thing is a farce," Alex rolled her eyes.
"Yes, but the public doesn't think so. If they think your rehab counselor is a farce, we'll both be in trouble," Kelly said obviously.
"Fuck the public. I'm about to have a baby. How many straight people out there haven't had one yet?" Alex asked irritably.
"And...there are many straight couples who have several children now," Kelly pointed out.
"How many kids do we have to have before the public is satisfied?" Alex asked incredulously.
"Technically...5 since we're a lesbian couple," Kelly answered.
"Damn," Alex said dumbfounded.
"This isn't how you play the game, Alex," Kelly warned.
"I'm not going to be lectured to by those quakes out in the hallway. Let's just see what he does," Alex said.
That night, Alex stayed awake in bed listening to opera. She imagined herself in the hot air balloon over Venus with Kelly.
The next morning, James arrived on time. Kelly came out to meet him. "Does she still want me or not?" James asked bluntly.
"She does," Kelly confirmed.
"Nice," James smiled.
Kelly showed James to his room consistent with a princess' rank. James enjoyed the room so much that he passed the heck out. "Mr. Cullen?" Kelly woke him up.
"Holy shit!" James realized as he woke up.
"This is a monitor. It will tell you where Alex is at all times. You need to be available twenty-four, seven," Kelly told him.
"Are you mad at me?" James asked immaturely.
"Not at you, just the situation we're in. Alex can be a very vulnerable woman sometimes and I don't want her in the wrong hands," Kelly said.
"But I'm the best candidate," James said obliviously.
"You are the worst candidate. That's the point. Alex has no intention of becoming straight and you're not qualified to get her there," Kelly said simply. "Let's just call this for what it is. It's a game and in this game, you have three strikes."
"Three strikes?" James asked confused.
"It's a baseball reference," Kelly said.
"What's baseball?" James asked ignorantly.
"Wow, it's not your fault, you're an alien. In baseball, if the batter misses the ball...," Kelly tried to explain.
"I'm just fucking with you. I know baseball," James smiled. "You, my referee?"
"Umpire, actually. Now I don't think you know what a strike is now," Kelly said befuddled.
The two entered Alex's room which was massive in size. It featured a full king's bed with a canopy, plasma screen TV, exercise equipment, a work desk, a closet filled with uniforms, and medical equipment to monitor the pregnancy. There were weird-ass abstract art paintings all over the walls. Her opera music happened to be on.
"Time for breakfast, Alex," Kelly said cheerfully.
Alex reluctantly got out of bed and turned off the music. She went with Kelly and James to the dining room and got herself a healthy oatmeal mix that included yogurt and fruit. "So, how do I prove to the world that I'm actually doing my job?" James wondered.
"You'll be with me in public often. Just stick to the script. Also, plenty of people come and go in the mansion. They're all spies," Alex said.
"If you know they're spies, why do you keep them around?" James asked.
"I used to work in counterintelligence. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer," Alex replied.
After breakfast, Alex received a pregnancy yoga class with a very attractive physically fit female instructor. "Whoa, you're a hawt. Does your boyfriend know I'm about to plow you?" James said amazed.
"You're funny," the yoga instructor smiled amused.
"Is your wife okay with this?" James asked concernedly as Kelly wasn't in the room.
"We're not married," Alex corrected.
"But you're wearing a ring," James said confused.
"A Vindicator ring," Alex replied.
"Shall we get started?" the Yoga instructor asked.
James watched as Alex did a number of Yoga moves with her instructor. As they had their thirty-minute session, James went into his coaching. "I like big butts, and I cannot lie. Not even straight women can deny. When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist and a round thing in your face, you get sprung. I'm hooked and I can't stop staring. Oh, baby, I want to get with you. That butt you got makes me so horny, shake that healthy butt."
The Yoga instructor and Alex gave James a look as he continued his commentary. Kelly eventually discovered what was happening. "I like them round, and big and when I'm throwing a gig, I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal. Now here's my scandal. I wanna get you home," James continued.
Kelly pulled James aside. "What the hell are you doing? That's sexual harassment. That's strike one."
"I'm making Alex jealous. Just go with it," James said.
"Okay," Kelly said uncertainly.
James then went back into the room. "A lot of simps don't like what I'm saying cuz them punks like to hit and quit it, and I'd rather stay and play, cuz I'm long and I'm strong, and I'm down to get the friction on."
As the session came to a close, Alex confronted James. "Why don't you compliment me?" Alex asked for the Yoga instructor's benefit.
"Why? You, jealous?" James mocked.
"A little," Alex said biting her lip and looking flustered.
"Who cares what a man has to say?" James asked playing along.
"I want more...male attention," Alex admitted.
"I'll see you tomorrow, Your Highness," the Yoga instructor said and then walked out.
Alex and James's faces fell once she was gone. "Actually, if you grew your hair long, you would look a lot hotter," James said honestly.
"I don't give a shit what looks hot to you," Alex said breaking the act. "I'll take lunch in my room."
The next day, Kelly opened the door to find James completely naked. She did a doubletake but quickly recovered. "I was paging you. Strike two," Kelly scolded.
"You can't call that a strike when there are two balls at present here," James pointed out.
"Wow...let's go...now," Kelly ordered.
James got dressed and went to Alex's Yoga session. As the session came to a close, Alex went back to bed. James took the opportunity to take Alex's leg and move it back and forth. "Yeah, that's right. Think about what I'm doing to you. I'm arousing you. Now, let's take a shower together," James said for the benefit of the Yoga instructor.
Once the Yoga instructor was gone, James stopped. "I think I will take a shower," Alex said getting up.
"Nice," James smiled.
"With Kelly," Alex clarified.
"Even better," James said as his imagination went wild.
Later that day, Alex, Kelly, and James were at the work desk. Alex was at work distributing her extreme O-15 resource allocation to various communities and programs. "Holy shit, that's a lot," James said amazed.
"Yeah, well, the royal family doesn't use their monthly quota anywhere near to maximum. If I can't gain the world's acceptance, I might be able to buy its toleration. I used to do budgets for the DEO," Alex explained.
"Ah, this letter is personal," Kelly said taking a letter out of James's hands. "It's from Mara."
"Throw it away," Alex ordered.
"She's trying to be nice," Kelly said.
"No," Alex refused.
"You have to be at the gallery by eleven," Kelly reminded her.
Alex and James headed to the Metropolis Art Gallery. "How did you get so rich?" James asked interested.
"I turned around a failing female Kryptonian and made her useful to society," Alex said dryly.
"What do I have to do to make your rank?" James asked curiously.
"What are you passionate about?" Alex asked.
"Sleeping, women, sleeping with women," James listed off.
"Little difficult to earn rank that way," Alex doubted.
"I'll find a way to sleep my way to the top," James said ambitiously.
Alex gave him an odd look but wasn't sure that was impossible in this future society. Alex and James entered the garage and found a collection of cars. "These are all yours?" James asked amazed.
"Yep, but I'm going to give them away," Alex said. As it happened, all the cars were different colors and lined up in such a way to make a rainbow in the garage. No one knew what it meant except Alex, her little defiance.
"So, what's your favorite color?" James asked.
"Black," Alex answered.
"Exactly," James smiled.
James drove Alex around Metropolis like a maniac until they got to the Metropolis Art Gallery. There, Alex considered an abstract painting that looked suspiciously similar to that of a penis...and some balls. An art vendor was with her.
"I mean, what is it? Cheap canvas, some stripes, blobs of paint, what's the big deal? It's shit," Alex shook her head. "What do you want for it?"
"Seventy-five percent of your monthly quota," the art vendor replied. (Alex's art quota is $100,000 a month currently)
"Done," Alex agreed. The art vendor took off to make arrangements for the transport of the painting to her mansion.
"I can paint some dicks for you. I can paint an entire wall of dicks," James mocked.
"It's actually eighty percent," the art vendor said as she came back.
"I'll take it," Alex said nonchalantly.
On the way back, Alex and James discussed the painting. "Eighty percent of an O-15 quota? Damn," James said amazed.
"If something has meaning to you, you have to pay," Alex said simply.
"What was the meaning of that?" James asked confused.
"Word will get around that the queer princess is purchasing paintings of dicks all of a sudden," Alex said obviously. "I have an entire series of them now."
"Where are they now?" James asked not noticing any of them in the mansion.
"I burn them," Alex said simply.
James escaped the mansion to score some hookers and blow. When he came back, Kelly was disappointed. "Where have you been? That's strike three."
"Come on, that was a foul tip...like my dick," James said.
"Which I caught...," Kelly said and then looked away uncomfortably. "Who told you it was okay to take one of Alex's cars?"
"I did," Alex interjected.
"Okay," Kelly said leaving the room.
That night, Alex had a night terror and screamed in her room. James instantly barged in. "Alex, you alright?" he asked waking her up. Alex stopped screaming as she woke up.
"I'm good," Alex said as she caught her breath.
Alex and James went outside to get some air. Alex sat down and looked over the city. "You, okay?" James asked concernedly.
"Just my legs," Alex said referring to pregnancy pain. "I can't do anything about it because of the baby."
"And what of the screaming? What's that about?" James asked.
"Kelly and I and the baby nearly died in a hot air balloon on Venus. It was very traumatic for all of us. It was stupid," Alex said. "Ever since, I've had nightmares about it."
"Hot air balloon over Venus? That's whack," James said amazed.
Alex and James went out in public together in Metropolis Park. "So, how did it go down?" James asked curiously.
"It was bad judgment. It was bad weather, never should have done it, but I have a knack for pushing the envelope. Who does that? While pregnant even? My poor wife. When we got back, I figured at least it would keep Kelly's mind off hating Kara and hating me instead. In my dreams, I'm so high up there, so excited, but it doesn't compare to losing Kelly," Alex said reflectively.
"I'm sorry," James said sympathetically.
"Nothing for you to be sorry about. Let's continue," Alex said as they walked on.
The two were seen together walking down the streets and then getting hotdogs. "Yes, I sure love a good hotdog, so long, so thick, so juicy. I just want to suck on them all night long," Alex said to the cashier.
"I know, right?" the male cashier said and then realized his mistake. "Wait...what?"
"I want fifteen hundred hotdogs," Alex ordered. The cashier merely stared at her. "Just give me everything you got." Once she got her hotdog, Alex distributed the other hotdogs to everyone else in the restaurant.
"Just so you all know, I like my hotdogs moist, not dry," Alex said to the crowd.
"Hell, yeah," some of them agreed with her.
Alex and James took the bus around the city in the middle of the night. "I didn't earn my rank. That's the problem. I was just handed a princess rank by Kara just for being sisters with her," Alex said embarrassed.
"I think what you're doing with your rank is better than most people would be doing with it. If I had your rank, I would be high on expensive weed every day," James admitted.
"Real smart," Alex rolled her eyes.
To continue the deception, James brought two random guys to the mansion in full view of the public supposedly to have some fun with Alex. As soon as they entered the mansion, James put them into forcefields. A few hours later, they were allowed to leave, also in full view of the public, and told to keep their mouths shut.
Alex and James later went to a music concert looking dressed up. "You're a princess and you're rich. You could have gotten any pussy you wanted if not for society being homophobic," James remarked.
"But if not for this society, I wouldn't be a princess," Alex countered.
"That's so catch-22," James said amazed. "What about this lady with plastic surgery?" James tested.
"I'm not available," Alex reminded him.
James sat down with Alex toward the back as she preferred. James noticed a high-ranking lady right next to him. "You, married?" he asked obnoxiously.
"Yes," she nodded.
"How married?" James pressed.
"What are you doing?" Alex scolded.
"Just asking what the level is?" James said defensively.
"Level six," the woman informed him. Since marriage had been cheapened over time due to celebrity marriages, Las Vegas weddings, and high school kids, marriage was given different levels of prestige in the Christian Church. Every five years gave the married couple a new level. Kara ensured everyone knew she had accomplished level two a few years back.
"Damn," James said impressed. James then looked back and saw an attractive middle-aged woman married to an elderly man who seemed almost dead. "You, with him? Why?"
Alex silenced a scoff amused by James's antics. "What man is too high for you, hypothetically?" James asked her.
"Twice my age minus seven," Alex said for the benefit of those listening and spying on her.
"How long is this show?" James asked apprehensively.
"Three hours," Alex replied.
"God damn," James said dismayed.
During the entire concert, Alex and James talked nonsense about what kind of guys Alex was into greatly annoying those who weren't spies in the audience. James asked all sorts of dumbass questions, obnoxiously ate popcorn he wasn't supposed to have, and fell asleep at one point. As for Alex, she didn't particularly like opera, but she was impressed with the production value. The concert hall was an insanely huge IMAX theater with 3D technology that didn't require glasses. Alex could see the music if that made any sense.
Inspired by art, James began to paint. He became distracted by his pager. "Were not all her life but storm, would not painters paint a form of such noble lines. Such delicate high heed, all that sternness amid charm, all that sweetness amid strength," Alex said.
"That's beautiful, Alex," Kelly said pleased.
James barged in. "Busted. You, two, are in a queer relationship. You, gay!"
Alex and Kelly simply stared at him. "You're just figuring that out?" Alex asked incredulously.
"Wait, I thought I was supposed to be making you straight?" James asked confused. "It's all on the news."
"You're not supposed to believe your own propaganda," Alex scolded.
"Well, this is where you thank me," James said impressed with himself.
"What for?" Kelly asked gently.
"The whole world thinks you're turning straight, all because of me. Your approval rating is going up and up," James said.
"Yes, you're doing a wonderful job," Kelly smiled condescendingly.
"So, before you, two, got together, what was your type? Lumberjack, lots of plaid, big old beard, probably, one of those beards you could lose stuff in," James figured.
"The opposite, actually," Kelly said. "I was into the athletically fit solder-type with nerves of steel."
"Same here," Alex concurred.
"It just doesn't seem Kelly, here, is that soldier-type, no offense," James said delicately.
"Not yet" Alex replied.
James continued working on his painting, doing unnecessary mechanical work on Alex's cars with her, and practicing Yoga with her. Alex and Kelly continued their poetry session. "I would spread the cloths under your feet. But I, being poor, have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet. Tread softly because you tread on my dreams," Alex said to Kelly.
"You, ain't POOR!" James interrupted obnoxiously.
"There are other ways one can be poor," Alex pointed out.
"Whom is this for?" James asked curiously.
"My daughter," Alex replied. "I'm going to read her all sorts of books and poetry before she can even talk."
"What's the point?" James asked confused.
"It's subconscious development," Kelly explained.
"Shit, just hook her up to VR," James suggested.
"I prefer the old way," Alex shot down. "Besides, this is bonding between mother and child. The thought of my daughter makes me feel light...as a feather."
"A whisper," Kelly said helpfully.
"But, you're fat now," James pointed out.
"It's only going to be temporary," Alex narrowed her eyes at him. "The thought of my daughter makes me feel brave like a..."
"A dog," James interrupted.
"No," Alex shook her head.
"Brave as an arrow?" Kelly suggested.
"How about brave as an arrow in a dog's mouth?" James said.
"No, you're bad at this. Shut the fuck up," Alex scolded.
"How do you think she'll look? More like you or her?" James asked curiously.
"Maybe a little of both," Alex said befuddled.
"Wait...I just realized something. Who's the father?" James asked confused.
"My brother, James," Kelly said.
"Can I see a picture?" James asked.
Kelly handed over her phone with pictures of James. "He looks good. He cleans up well. Damn, really good. You're going to have one handsome baby," James smiled.
James eventually revealed his masterpiece. It was a crude painting of a dog but since he couldn't get the head right, he simply glued an actual picture of a dog's head onto the canvas. There was also a city in the background. It was at the level of an elementary school student. "What do you think?"
"Very passionate, post-modern, unexpected admiration," Kelly said thoughtfully.
"It's shit, James," Alex rolled her eyes.
"Don't you see potential, Alex?" Kelly asked her.
"No," Alex scoffed. "I think we should introduce it to the Metropolis Art Gallery. See what the bid is on it."
On her birthday, Alex was showered with gifts and had a party at her mansion. However, Alex was pissed off since someone intentionally gave her a bottle of alcoholic wine. The likely suspect was Mon, but it wasn't certain. "I specifically said no alcohol for my birthday. There's not a whole lot I can control in this world but that was it."
"I'm sorry, I'll get rid of it," Kelly said taking the bottle.
"I want them all gone," Alex said irritably.
"Okay, they'll leave," Kelly said gently and then exited the room.
"Come on, Alex, all of your family and friends showed up to give you a birthday party at your big mansion," James said.
"I'm pregnant. I shouldn't be anywhere near alcohol," Alex reminded him.
"It's for after you give birth," James said obviously.
"Even then, no alcohol during breastfeeding," Alex continued.
"Okay, after that," James said.
"I'm an alcoholic, James. That's my real addiction, my real moral failing," Alex revealed.
Kelly then entered the room. "The wine is gone."
"I'm sorry I snapped at you, Kelly. You didn't deserve that," Alex admitted.
"It's alright," Kelly said sympathetically.
"Is everyone still there?" Alex asked awkwardly.
Alex hung out with the Vindicators and some other acquaintances that worked in the mansion with her. Kara was noticeably absent.
The next day, Kara and Alex met up at a luxurious restaurant after James made the call. "Your painting was sold for a large quota sum. Unfortunately, that does nothing for your rank or compensation," Alex said.
"For real? Someone actually bought it?" James said surprised.
"I'm just as surprised as you are," Alex confirmed.
"This is some crazy shit. Hell, yeah! Xanthu, represent!" James said pleased as he banged the table. Other high-ranking individuals stared at them.
Kara then arrived on the scene which caught some looks from those present. She eyed James with amusement. "You can scram."
"Oh, alright, yeah, sure," James said awkwardly as he left the scene.
Kara then sat down across from Alex. "How's the pregnancy going? You're almost at the finish line."
"It feels like wearing a rucksack wherever I go but instead of it being on my back it's on my front," Alex said exhaustedly. "How are your kids?"
"Good...so I'm told," Kara said uncertainly. "I'm more concerned about you. Your progress with James has been a little...too good. We should stretch this rehab thing over years, not months. There's a danger you will plateau too soon, and the public will expect you to break up with Kelly."
As they talked, waiters placed various delicacies in front of them. A waiter placed a bottle of red wine on the table and poured Kara a glass. "Working on the job?" Alex asked triggered by it.
"As a monarch, every hour of the day is technically work," Kara sighed.
Alex was flustered by the wine and the conversation about Kelly. "I only agreed to this rehab nonsense until you changed society to make things acceptable for Kelly and me."
"The Church and the scientific community and all the sociologists and psychologists are against you, Alex. It's not like the 21st century. It's one thing to have a bad habit, people understand. I have plenty of bad habits and no one gives a shit. It's when those bad habits become promoted," Kara said.
"What Kelly and I have is not a bad habit," Alex glared.
"No one takes issue with the love, comradery, friendship, and partnership you two have. It's the romantic relationship, itself, that is the problem," Kara said delicately.
"I'm aware of that," Alex snapped.
"You can't have your cake and eat it, too, Alex," Kara said as cake was placed in front of them. "I can send you off to some colony off the grid and no one will care about your sexuality or how you raise your kid."
"Then, I prefer that life to this," Alex said stubbornly.
"Alex, this is your planet. I'm giving you all the luxuries of the 31st century. I'm giving you a voice. You are one of the most powerful people in the galaxy right now. Just play the game," Kara said seriously.
"Fuck the game," Alex refused and got up to leave. She bumped into some other patrons and ran into a waiter spilling coffee all over herself. The hot coffee didn't stain or soak into the uniform. Alex eyed the coffee drip off her uniform harmless and back to Kara who gave her a look. She couldn't admit that Kara had made things better in many ways. Pissed off, Alex stormed out of the restaurant.
"Shit," Kara sighed as she stayed to finish her lunch, wine, and cake by herself.
Alex came back to the mansion looking for Kelly, but she wasn't there. Instead, she decided to put James on blast. "This isn't working for me. This little charade between us. I should never have hired you. You're not even qualified!"
"I think I'm the most qualified. I've given you a popularity boost. Those other guys would have actually tried to fix you," James said defensively.
"I can't believe I let you talk me into seeing her," Alex said referring to Kara.
"I just made a call. That's all I did. You're the one that spoke to her," James downplayed.
"I wanted to engage Kara on my terms, and you took that from me," Alex said angrily.
"You're pregnant, you're hormonal, you're acting crazy," James informed her.
"Get out, you're fired," Alex ordered.
James quickly got back on his feet and was assigned to a tech lab as a supervisor officer. Kelly came to his lab one day with a concerned face. "James, she's bad off. She's not seeing anyone. She's pushing everyone away. Can you come by?" Kelly requested.
James agreed and went to the mansion where she found Alex in her bed staring off into space. She gave James an odd look as he entered. "You want to go for a drive?"
Alex sighed and nodded.
James drove Alex around Metropolis but she had a bored depressed face the entire time. James suddenly started driving like a madman to provoke a reaction out of her. The cops went after him for reckless driving. "I bet you I will lose them," James smiled insanely.
James expertly evaded the cops like the boss. Alex was slightly impressed by his maneuvers. "How about that?" The cops suddenly ambushed him and cut him off. They were now surrounded.
"Step out of the car," the human officers ordered James.
James got out and was slammed onto the hood of the car. "He's resisting. I think I feel a gun," the officer said.
"Yo, that's my dick," James protested.
"Escalating force," the officers said as they took out stun batons and zapped James repeatedly. They then beat the shit out of him.
"Help, I need a white savior!" James cried out.
Alex finally got out of the car. "Stop!"
"Ma'am, put your hands on your head," the officers told her.
"I'm Princess Alexandra and I have the Supreme Leader on speed dial. Let him go," she ordered.
The cops stopped giving James a beating and focused on Alex. "Your Highness, your driver was driving erratically making himself a danger to you and to others."
"He was taking me to the hospital. My...water broke," Alex lied.
"Oh, shit," the officers realized. "Call an ambulance."
"Do you think an ambulance is going to be faster than me?" James asked.
"Letting a black man go isn't really our thing," the police officers frowned.
"Is depriving a white princess of her black slave your thing?" James antagonized.
"Damn, he's right," the officers realized.
James was allowed back into the car. He sped Alex toward the hospital with the police following close behind. "Really smooth," Alex smiled.
"What?" James asked confused.
"You arranged for those officers to beat your ass so I would save you to make me feel empowered and better about myself," Alex said amused.
"That beating was real," James objected.
"Actually...I think my water did break," Alex realized.
"Shit," James said as this was for real.
James got Alex to Metropolis General with nursing staff already at the scene. "Yeah, it's happening," Alex said to Kelly on the phone and was then escorted inside the hospital.
Alex was placed in a wheelchair and brought to the top floor by Brainiac 5 drones that took over for the nurses. Upon entering her suite, Alex got into a medical gown and got into the medical bed. "I'm starting to feel it," Alex said as she felt contractions.
"You want the easy way or the hard way?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"Do what you think is best," Alex allowed.
Brainiac 5 placed a device on Alex's back that numbed her lower extremities. She now felt nothing. "Holy shit," Alex said stunned feeling total relief.
Kelly then entered the room. "How are we doing?"
"Really easy so far," Alex said amazed.
"Are you ready to give birth?" Brainiac 5 asked.
"That quickly?" Alex asked amazed.
"This is the 31st century," Brainiac 5 said obviously. Alex gave a nod. Brainiac 5 placed Alex's legs into stirrups and then placed pad devices in various places on her abdomen.
"I can't believe this is actually happening. We're going to be mothers," Alex said tearfully.
"And here we go," Brainiac 5 said as the cervix was gradually forced to ten centimeters. "You may push now if you wish."
Alex took a deep breath and then pushed hard. The baby came out within ten seconds and started to cry. Brainiac 5 handed Kelly the scissors to cut the umbilical cord which she did. Brainiac 5 placed the newborn on a medical table and analyzed her anatomy comprehensively with hologram scans. The newborn was tan skinned, a mixture between Alex and Kelly, straight black hair, and dark hazel eyes.
"No abnormalities," Brainiac 5 reported and then allowed Kelly to hold her.
Brainiac 5 then went to work on Alex expelling the placenta and getting her back into a comfortable position. He quickly pumped her full of painkiller drugs and then removed the pad on her spine. "As discussed in your birthing plan, Kelly will be first to breastfeed," Brainiac 5 said as Alex rested in bed high as a kite.
Brainiac 5 then turned to Kelly. "We will clean her and bring her back shortly."
"Of course," Kelly said handing the newborn over to him.
Once Brainiac 5 was out of the room, Alex was amazed. "That was...super-easy, barely an inconvenience."
"You want to do it again?" Kelly joked.
"I'm good. Pregnancy kicked my ass. It's going to take months to get back into shape," Alex considered. "If ever you want to do it, I fully support you."
"It would be odd to get pregnant with brother's sperm," Kelly shook her head.
Alex gave her a blank look as she realized, perhaps for the first time, she had just given birth to James Olsen's kid. She reflected back on the first year she had met him. She had waltzed into Catco to bug Kara to do something and he happened to be around. How much things had changed. She would never have thought that the Catco art designer would have a lesbian sister she would end up marrying and that she would have his kid. If she knew back then what she knew now...no, she would still be cold and short with him. He was an asshole.
"Oh my God, I just gave birth to your brother's baby," Alex said and began to hyperventilate.
"We talked about this, Alex. It's just biology and very common with lesbian couples," Kelly assured her.
"What if she's like him...or me?" Alex wondered apprehensively.
"That's the fun of being a parent. You get to find out," Kelly smiled.
Brainiac 5 then entered the room with the newborn and waited for Kelly to zip down her jacket revealing her bare breasts. She then allowed the infant to breastfeed. Kelly had been given some medications ahead of time to allow her to nurse even when not pregnant. Breastfeeding had gone out of favor over the centuries. Most humans saw it as animalistic and archaic, and this was reinforced by women having generally much smaller breast sizes than before. Alex and Kelly were by no means above average in this area but compared to 31st century women, they stood out.
"Have you decided on the name?" Brainiac 5 asked Kelly as he recorded everything else.
"Kelex...right?" Kelly winced.
"I thought that was a joke," Alex said deliriously.
"I've warmed to the idea. It's cute," Kelly smiled.
Brainiac 5 simply stared at them wondering if they were serious. "Her name is Kelex Olsen," Kelly said definitively to Brainiac 5.
"Well, okay then," Brainiac 5 said without further comment and monitored Alex's progress. "You should be able to walk now," he said.
"That quick?" Alex asked amazed. Brainiac 5 took the pad device off her back so she could feel again. Alex felt no pain as the inflammation and trauma of giving birth had already healed. She cautiously got out of the bed and tried to stand up which she did with easy success.
"You have visitors," Brainiac 5 informed them.
"Oh...well...Alex?" Kelly cringed.
"Sure," Alex allowed as she walked about the room.
Kara, Mon, Mara, and Kon then entered the room wearing casual clothes. Mon smirked as he saw the child's mixed-race appearance. "Good work," he congratulated Alex on what he considered a mere athletic achievement.
Kara's eyes were wide as saucers as she saw Kelex, seeing a resemblance to James, the friend and former lover she had left behind. She had never thought her sister, Alex, would end up carrying his baby in this way. Her mind raced as she went through all of her memories with James and Alex's interactions which were few and far in between. Kara couldn't help but use her X-ray vision to scan the child and Kelly's lymph system inside her breasts. She nodded as everything was as it should.
"Wicked," Kon said immaturely as he saw the baby. "Was it fun?" he asked curiously.
"Oh, yeah. You're missing out," she said sarcastically to him.
Mara approached the child apprehensively with mixed feelings. Everything about this was wrong from her point of view, the same-sex relationship and parenting, the incest with extra steps, and even the name of the child. Still, the child was innocent of all these things. "Truly, a blessing," she remarked.
Kelly smiled naively as she saw Mara's act as inclusive and accepting. In truth, Mara's mind turned on how to extract the child from them legally or otherwise, whether to do so soon or bide her time.
"I'll make Kelex a princess instantly," Kara reassured Alex.
"Actually, I think it might be best if keep her out of the spotlight," Kelly said delicately.
"I concur. It will lead to unnecessary controversy," Mara agreed.
Kara simply stared at them both not liking to be denied the granting of a gift. "At the very least, Kelex will be given an E-1 designation which will increase the ration quota of the entire family unit," Brainiac 5 said, breaking the tension.
"Of course, Barney, of course," Kara nodded disappointedly. "Hey, childcare options are whatever you want, anything."
"Thank you, Kara," Kelly said appreciatively.
Alex looked out the window at the 31st century Metropolis. It was now dawning on her that she was now a parent, raising a new daughter in this fantastical time.
Soon thereafter, Alex met up with James. After some intense physical therapy and future medicine, her baby bump was nearly gone. Alex was ready to get back at it with extreme athletic activities. She had James drive her out to the middle of nowhere in Maine near the mountains. A team was already present waiting for them. "Your Highness," they said politely to Alex.
"Let's do this," Alex smiled, already feeling an adrenalin rush.
"Your servant as well?" they asked.
"Yeah," Alex nodded.
"Wait...what? Hell, no. You trying to kill me?" James said as he realized what was happening.
"James, don't be a bitch," Alex chided.
Alex and James were linked to their respective partners and then conducted a paragliding session. Alex smiled thrilled with being able to fly even if it took some equipment to do it. She knew she couldn't go back to constantly risking her life fighting bad guys, but she had a long list of safe things she could do to get the blood pumping. James continued to be assigned as a special aide to "rehab" Alex and Kelly. By his name, appearance, and attitude, he was a constant reminder of James Olsen, the father of Kelex.
Author's Notes: Upside is a remake of a remake and while Cranston and Hart have good chemistry, the film seems unnecessary and inferior. Still, I put rich and disabled together and knew what to do with this story. Honestly, if you told me back in Season 1, Alex would marry James' unknown at the time lesbian sister, I would have...still probably kept watching but it would still be WTF. It almost makes me want to go back to rewatch those Season 1 episodes, almost. The Olsen family remind me of the Weasley family in Harry Potter with all the connections they make with other characters through marriage. My imagination as to what Kelex will look like is Amandla Sternberg who recently gave a stunning and brave performance in Star Wars The Acolyte. Speaking of which, I'm giving The Acolyte the Adventures treatment because like CW SG, it's just that good. Feel free to check that out if you like my nonsense and thank you for those who already have jumped over.