Chapter Forty-Three

Cas was quiet and kept to himself for a few days, but eventually came to terms with his decision.

The days grew hotter, and the skies were clear. When he wasn't out jogging, Cas was playing with Sam. Occasionally, he went with Dean to John's shop and watched him work, but it proved to be something of a distraction, and Cas struggled to keep his hands to himself.

They went stargazing most nights when it was clear, but more and more frequently, Cas used it as an excuse to bend Dean over the hood over the Impala, not that Dean complained. No one could hear the noise he made out in the middle of nowhere.

On one such night, they were lying together on a picnic blanket, gazing up at the stars. They were quiet, holding each other's hand while Cas's computer took measurements from his telescope.

Dean was warm. He ached, but it was a sweet ache. He turned to look at Cas, who was still looking up at the sky. He let his eyes trail over the curves of Cas's face, and thought about the way his hair was always a little windswept, the way it curled just behind his ears and the nape of his neck. Dean squeezed his hand and Cas turned to look at him. There wasn't much light, but it was enough to glitter in Cas's eyes, and to see that his cheeks were still slightly pink.

'Hey,' Dean murmured, and Cas smiled.

'Are you all right?'

Dean nodded and smiled. 'I'm just… I'm so in love with you.'

Cas smiled back. 'I feel the same.'

'You're so beautiful,' Dean whispered.

Cas squirmed and the blush in his cheeks deepened. 'You're so mushy after sex,' he chuckled.

Dean elbowed him playfully. 'I'm gonna go ahead and let you take the blame for that.'

Cas sat up and grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler they'd brought with them. 'Does it bother you that I'm not like that?'

Dean frowned and pushed himself up, wincing slightly. 'Not at all. Why would it?'

Cas hesitated. 'I don't want you to think that I don't care about you the same way.'

'I wouldn't think that. You make it perfectly clear to me how you feel.'

Cas didn't respond, so Dean shuffled closer and put an arm around him. 'Tell me what you're thinking.'

Cas sighed. 'I know that I'm not the same as everyone else. I behave differently, I express things differently.'

'And?'

'We're going to be apart a lot soon. I worry that you'll meet normal people and want that instead.'

Dean's heart jolted. 'Cas,' he breathed. 'I love you. Maybe a little because you're different.'

'You really mean that?'

'Of course.' Dean stroked his cheek. 'You're smart, you're strong, and you're loving in ways that no one else could be. And you're hot as hell. Who could ever want more than that?'

Cas let out a long sigh. 'You'll tell me if you ever feel… neglected?'

'Only if you tell me when you worry about this stuff.'

'It's a deal.'

Dean kissed him softly. 'We're gonna be on our phones, and we'll see each other as much as we can, okay? It's gonna be all right.'

'Do you think so?'

'I know so.' Dean hugged him. 'What brought this on?'

'We're moving soon. Whenever I move, people fade away. I'm used to it by now, but I want you to stay.'

Dean laughed to try and lighten the mood. 'It's, what, a four hour drive between our colleges? You'd have to try harder than that to get rid of me.'

Cas finally smiled and relaxed, resting his head on Dean's shoulder. 'I'm going to miss you a lot.'

'I know. Me too.' He sighed and breathed in Cas's hair. 'I'm not saying it'll be easy, but you're worth the effort.'

'Thank you for saying that.' Cas's computer beeped, and he moved away from Dean, pausing on his knees to look Dean in the eye. 'I'd do anything for you, Dean.'

The utter sincerity with which he said it left Dean speechless, but Cas didn't appear to notice the effect it had had on him, as he had already turned his attention to the computer.

They went home in the early hours of the morning. It was still dark, so they climbed into bed together for a few hours of sleep. Cas was out within minutes, but Dean stayed awake for a while longer, watching Cas sleep until he couldn't keep his eyes open any longer.

All too quickly, the summer passed them by, and they couldn't put off packing any longer. Cas, well used to it by now, had now qualms about neatly packing his things into boxes, but Dean was struggling. Having to choose what to take, what to leave behind, and what to throw out brought the reality of the situation crashing down on Dean. He had to stop and sit down on his bed, as it hit him that he would be away from home and taking care of himself.

Cas noticed him sit, and came over to join him.

'What is it?'

'I'm just a little scared,' Dean admitted to him. 'Or a lot scared. I've always lived here, you know?'

Cas nodded. 'It is scary,' he said, 'but we're all here for you.'

'How do you deal with it? Leaving everything behind?'

Cas shrugged. 'I didn't handle it well the first few times, but eventually you realise that the things that really matter are with you wherever you go.'

Dean took a deep breath. 'That helps. Thanks, Cas.'

They continued packing, then Dean pulled his 'I wuv hugs' shirt out of the drawer he kept it in. He considered it carefully, holding it close to his chest. 'I'll be right back,' he said to Cas, and went downstairs to find Mary.

She was sitting on the couch with a book, and smiled at Dean when she saw him come downstairs.

Dean sat down next to her. 'Will you look after this for me while I'm gone?' he asked, passing her the shirt.

'Are you sure you won't take it with you?' Mary asked.

'I don't think I need it,' he smiled, 'but I can always come back for it.'

Mary folded it up and laid it across the arm of the couch. 'I'm so proud of you, honey.'

'Thanks, Mom.' Dean got up again. 'Oh, do you want me to take down the curtain before we go?'

'No thanks, sweetie, you can leave it up. Who knows, it could come in handy.' Then Mary got up from the couch. 'Help me make some lunch? You can take some up to Cas.'

'Sure.' He went with her to the kitchen, and they started putting together some sandwiches.

'I'm gonna miss this,' Dean said quietly, tearing up.

Mary's eyes watered as well. 'You can always come home and make sandwiches with me, Dean.'

Dean stopped grating cheese and turned to her. 'Mom, promise me something?'

'What?'

'Promise you won't stop fostering kids?' he said. 'I know that I had to make you stop for a while, but you love it so much, and you're gonna have a bunch of space now.'

'Oh, Dean, you're such a sweetheart. You get that from me,' Mary smiled, gently pinching his cheek. 'Don't worry, there are lots of kids out there that need help, and I intend on helping as many of them as possible.'

'Good.' Dean made to pick up the cheese grater again, but then there was a knock at the front door. 'I'll get it.'

He walked over and opened the door, and was greeted by a familiar face.

'Hey,' Gabriel said, nervously looking up at Dean.

'Oh, absolutely not,' Dean said, anger surging within him. He tried to close the door, but Gabriel slammed his hand into it to stop him.

'No, Dean, please,' he said. 'I just want to see Cas, please.'

'You think you deserve to after what you pulled?' Dean pushed the door, but Gabriel pushed harder.

'I don't want his money, I swear. I just wanna see my little brother.'

Dean glared at him, but forced himself to look at the desperate expression on Gabriel's face. Dean took a deep breath. 'Wait here,' he said eventually, not bothering to hold back the venom in his voice. 'If he wants to see you, then fine, but you're gonna wait here until he decides.'

Gabriel nodded fervently and finally let Dean close the door.

Dean stepped back into the room and called up the stairs. 'Cas, can you come down here a sec?'

After a moment, Cas's footsteps sounded above them and he came down the stairs. 'What is it?'

Dean gently held Cas's shoulders. 'Don't freak out,' he said, and Cas's brow furrowed. 'Gabriel's at the door.'

Cas turned pale and his eyes widened and he glanced at the door. 'Gabriel? Now?'

'You don't have to see him,' Dean said hastily. 'I can tell him to go away if you want me to.'

'What's going on?' Mary asked, coming through from the kitchen.

'Gabriel's here,' Dean told her.

'Oh.'

Cas bit his lip, again glancing at the door, picking at his fingernails. 'I - I-'

'Cas, do you want to see him?' Dean said firmly, grounding Cas so he could focus.

Cas thought about it, then took a shaky breath. 'I do,' he said. 'Can he come in?' he asked Mary.

'Whatever you want to do, sweetie,' said Mary.

'You won't leave?' Cas said to Dean.

'I'll be right here,' Dean murmured. 'Are you ready?'

Cas hesitated, then nodded.

Dean went back to the front door and opened it. 'You can come in,' he said to Gabriel, his jaw tight. He moved aside and Gabriel stepped over the threshold.

Gabriel looked dishevelled, and now that he was inside, they could see his eyes were bloodshot and puffy, as though he had been crying.

Cas stood poker-straight, unable to look Gabriel in the face.

'Cas?' Gabriel said uncertainly, stepping towards him.

'Hello,' Cas forced out.

Then Gabriel threw himself at Cas, unable to stop himself, and wrapped his arms tightly around Cas. Cas didn't react to his touch and remained standing straight and staring ahead at the wall.

'I'm so sorry. I was the worst big brother,' Gabriel said, his voice muffled. 'I saw you blocked my number and I knew how bad I screwed up. I'm sorry for what I did - what I said. I just want to be your brother again.'

Cas finally moved, but to switch his gaze from the wall to the floor as Gabriel let go of him. 'You missed my graduation,' he mumbled. 'It was important to me.'

'I know, and it was so stupid of me,' Gabriel said, 'but I promise I'll be there for all your graduations in future, if you want me there. Three out of four isn't too bad, right?'

'Four?'

'Yeah, high school, undergrad, masters and PhD. I mean, you're still on the astrophysics track, aren't you?'

Cas finally looked up at his face. 'You remembered.'

'Of course I did. Remember that projector I got you? I loved those nights we watched it together and it's so cool that you're making a career out of it.'

Cas's expression softened.

'Please give me another chance, Cassie, I just want to be your big brother again.'

'I - I don't know,' Cas said. 'I want to, but I don't trust you right now.'

Gabriel winced. 'That's fair. I'd really like to try to earn it back.'

Cas shoved his hands into his pockets. 'Maybe… maybe you can stay for a little while,' he said, looking at Mary questioningly.

'Whatever you want to do,' Mary said warmly.

Gabriel looked immensely relieved. 'Thanks, Cas. I know I can do better.'

'You'll come to my college graduation?'

'I promise,' Gabriel said, but Cas looked doubtful, so Gabriel reached out. 'Double pinkie promise.'

Cas finally smiled and let Gabriel shake both of his pinkies. 'Would you like something to eat?' he asked when he let go.

'I'd love something,' Gabriel smiled.

Cas turned and went back to the kitchen with Mary, but Dean caught Gabriel's arm before he followed them.

'Pull something like that again and you'll have me to deal with,' Dean whispered menacingly, 'and I won't be as nice about it as him.'

Gabriel just grinned. 'You got it, champ,' he said, patting Dean's arm, then joining Cas in the kitchen. 'What are we having?' Gabriel asked them.

'Dean was making sandwiches.'

'I would kill for a sandwich.'

Dean narrowed his eyes at Gabriel, but relaxed his shoulders and resumed making the food.

'I'll get the coffee,' said Mary.

Gabriel and Cas sat at the table together, but neither really knew what to say.

Then Cas finally ventured, 'Would - would you like to speak to Anna?'

Gabriel looked stunned. 'What do you mean?'

Cas bit his lip. 'I didn't get a chance to tell you last time you were here. She came back for me. Do you want to talk to her?'

Gabriel just nodded.

Dean placed plates in front of them just as Anna answered Cas's video call.

'Hello, Anna,' Cas said. 'Look who it is.'

He turned the phone to get Gabriel in frame.

Gabriel's eyes widened and he let out a soft gasp. 'Anna,' he said in disbelief.

'Gabe?'

They both stared at each other for a long moment, then:

'What is the matter with you?' Anna demanded. 'You were supposed to be there for our baby brother.'

Anna launched into a tirade, but Gabriel made no comment, he just continued to stare at her. Eventually, she began to run out of steam, and Gabriel opened his mouth.

'You look just like her,' he said, and Anna fell silent. 'I missed you Anna Banana.'

When Anna finally spoke again her voice was thick with emotion. 'I missed you too, Gabe,' she said, 'but I'm so mad at you.'

'I know. I'm mad at me too. I really screwed up'

'Are you getting any help?'

Gabriel squirmed in discomfort. 'Not yet, but I want to.'

'Then that's where you start, okay?'

Gabriel nodded.

'I have to go, but stay in touch. It's good to see you, Gabriel.'

'You too, Banana.'

Anna ended the call and Gabriel let out a heavy sigh.

Cas hesitantly put a hand on Gabriel's shoulder. 'I think - I think you'll be all right,' he said quietly.

'You think so?'

Cas nodded. 'You're Gabriel,' he said. 'You can do it.'

Gabriel smiled, but it was apparent how exhausted and downtrodden he was. 'That's nice of you, Cassie.'

Mary cleared up their mugs. 'All right, I think we've got a lot to talk about,' she said, 'so let's wait until your dad gets home so we can really work through this. Cas, Dean, go finish your packing. Gabriel, just sit here quietly, okay? Take a minute to breathe and decompress.'

Cas nodded and got to his feet. 'I'll be back down in a little while,' he said, and he and Dean returned to their bedroom.

Neither of them continued packing, however. Cas stood in the centre of the room with his eyes closed, and Dean watched him until he felt that Cas was ready to talk.

'How are you doing?' Dean asked.

Cas shrugged. 'I don't know what to think,' he said.

'That's okay, you don't have to know right now.'

'Would it be stupid of me to let him try again?'

Dean took a deep breath. 'If you want my opinion, he seems like he's really sorry, but you know him the best, Cas. I think you're the only one that really knows the answer to that. Just take some time to think on it.'

'Thank you, Dean.' Cas rolled his shoulders and opened his eyes again. 'We should finish this,' he said, and got back to folding his clothes.

'You got it.'

Welcome back! Thanks to EmilyAnnMcGarrett-Winchester for the review!

Happy fourth anniversary to this story, can you even believe it's been going on this long? I really appreciate all the support I've had along the way, especially as we come towards the end of the story. You guys all keep me going and I'm so happy you're enjoying the ride :)