Carefully she lowered herself into the enormous stone bath. The water was warmer than she would have liked, but Thorin had drawn up her bath for today.
It had taken a few days since returning to their apartment for her to gather enough strength to finally have a bath. The children had spent most of their time on her bed each day, playing reading, drawing. It had helped her - but it had also been helpful to keep Thorin away, since Mara and Lola had helped her when she needed it, even if she had spent every day in nightdresses.
Thorin had visited her each day, but she could no longer ignore how she felt about Ulmo, not that it mattered anyway - how could a normal person be in love with a god? Was that even a thing?
She drew in a sharp breath as she slowly lowered herself into the water feeling the sting against the scabbed wound on her right.
"Wow! The water IS hot!" She puffed out finally sinking all the way in.
The initial stinging from her wound eased, and finally she leant against the back of the tub and sank in further. The water had some medicinal oil added that smelled like eucalyptus, mint and tea tree. It smelt fresh and clean, even though the water was steadily turning red from the blood that covered her skin in places still.
Her head slowly began to stop constantly turning, as the warm water eased the pain in her limbs.
Carefully she sank further in. And as she contemplated washing her hair, without Thorins help, which would be rather painful given how sore her flank was from her stab wound, she decided to submerge herself completely.
Taking a painfully deep breath to fill her lungs, she sank the final depth into the dark stone tub.
The tub was, like most other things in Thorins suite, large enough to hold three or four quite comfortably. And it was carved out of dark stone which made the water appear black.
It was like the blackest, starless night.
And for a moment she closed her eyes allowing the feel of the water to engulf her completely.
"Do not ache for me..."
Her eyes opened to search for that familiar voice.
It sounded as though it came from within her bathtub! But while the tub was indeed exceedingly large, as were many dwarven things in Erebor, she was pretty certain that she was alone in the tub.
Surprised by the whole experience, and partially sure it was a strange auditory hallucination she pulled herself up, breaking through the surface.
Her body ached entirely from the sudden movement, as she gasped for air.
Could it be..? Was it really...? HIM?!
She sat there for a moment, her head and shoulders out in the cool air, while the rest was submerged in uncomfortably warm water, letting her mind calm down a little.
Manwe had been clear, she was not permitted to even say goodbye to Ulmo. Somehow it was hard to imagine he would break the rules for her!
Surely she was imagining it?
Again, taking a deep painful breath, she sank down into the warm, dark tub slowly closing her eyes as she submerged herself.
"You are in much pain, little one..."
She heard his voice again!
"Let me at least put your body at ease..."
She opened her eyes hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but there was nothing.
I thought I would never see you again?
"Yes, but that was on the basis that Manwe and Mahal would keep you safe."
She could hear his voice as though he stood right there in front of her.
"But it seems neither has healed or protected you well. And there is no way you can be concealed from me. Where there is water I will find you."
Still unbelieving of the whole scenario she reached out with her hands in an attempt to touch the invisible Vala.
"Your body is bruised and your muscles are tight," he spoke soothingly. "Lay back, little one, and let me heal you..."
She closed her eyes and did as she was told, resting against the stone surface of the tub.
Then gradually the water began to fizz with the softest bubbles, as though she was sitting in a bath full of champagne. And along with that it felt as though her body was being stroked by many hands, soft and gentle. It began along her limbs, in long stroking movements and as she relaxed the sensation continued to spread over the rest of her.
Her lungs burned for having held her breath so long, but the sensation was so soothing, she didn't want to emerge from the water, in case he was gone when she returned from taking another breath.
With each stroke, her pain seemed to melt away little by little.
And then, finally, she had no choice as her lungs screamed at her desperate for breath.
With a splash she emerged up, panting and gulping the cool mountain air.
Their bathroom was always aromatic from the heady concoctions of scented oils and other lotions they kept. But in this moment, breathing deep and fast, she felt alive.
"Please don't leave me -"
"Shobha?" Thorin interrupted her, looking concerned. "I heard a splash? Did you fall asleep in the water?"
He stood in the doorway at first with a look of concern in his sapphire eyes.
"No - it's okay - I'm fine..." She attempted to speak without revealing how short of breath she still was. "Just talking to myself...trying to make sense of everything..."
"I knew I shouldnt have let you bathe alone... I can slip into the tub beside you...?"
"No! Really, Thorin. I am fine." She repeated clearly. "Can I finish up. I won't take more than another five minutes... I promise..."
Thorin remained where he was now. Stubbornly, and firmly planted in situ. He partially opened his mouth to object, and then remained silent.
"I promise. Look, if I don't, then you can come and get me. You have my explicit permission."
He remained where he was still, statuesque, suspicious but still so regal. It would have been a perfect sculpture even in this pose, except for the location of their bathroom.
"Very well my lady," he seemed like he was about to set off, and then seemed to remember something. "Let me at least wash your hair.. ?"
"I..." She struggled to think quickly. "Let me try first please? And if I can't, I will call you... Please?"
He hesitated again, clearly so much going through his mind, but then he simply tilted his head, in that majestic way that he always did and left.
Again slowly closing her eyes she sank down deeper, feeling the gentle strokes across her skin again. It was like having his hands all over her. It was like heaven.
This time she managed to keep her nose above the water.
As she relaxed further, she could feel her pain diminishing, her bruised muscles appeared to be soothed, and she found she could move with greater ease.
The hands that seemed to caress her continued up her limbs, along her thighs, brushing past her most sensitive skin between her legs and ghosting over her chest. It wasn't intrusive or repulsive, nor did it progress any further, but instead felt like part of the whole soothing process.
Then suddenly fear crept into her perfectly relaxed mind.
"I don't want you to go!" She whispered, opening her eyes. "Please! This can't be the last time..."
She reached out in the water.
"Please... I... " She whispered but even with her head submerged fully now, she could no longer hear him. And the sensation of his hands on her body were gone!
And then without warning, firm hands pulled her out of the tub.
Gasping, more out of surprise than from lack of air, as she was wrenched out of the hot bath, spilling droplets everywhere, and running rivulets from her hair, she found herself against a firm chest.
Blinking through the trickling water, she found Thorins face looking at her as he quickly wrapped her in a large towel and carried her through.
She expected him to be angry, but only found shadows of fear and worry cast over his handsome features.
"My Lady, do we mean nothing to you?" He sighed setting her down on their bed and wrapping her in another towel as she sat huddled and shivering. "You looked as though you were drowning... Your body is still not strong enough to bathe alone!"
She sat silently listening, as he wrapped her hair.
"You take these risks, knowing that you have us all who depend on you... Because you have pride?" his words were angry, and his eyes began to show signs of his frustration. "I know I have been... difficult... but you cannot behave this way and expect me to remain silent, when we all need you -"
She pushed his hands away reaching up to dry her own hair, but the pain she anticipated from her wounds never came! It seemed that Ulmo had healed her after all!
"WE are broken, Thorin - you made that clear some time ago. And I have been missing home for so long, I cannot tell you - frankly, I can't tell anyone! And I think the tyrant in you would keep my children from me, to punish me if I ever tried to leave," she admitted angrily. "So this, so called 'life' I lead is just as your personal prisoner of Erebor-"
"I told you, all I needed was a little time!" He replied quietly. "You are not a prisoner, but I ask that you keep guards to avoid this."
"But you still dont trust me - I see it in your face!" She carried on drying her hair. "I know you now Thorin, and your eyes don't lie... You look at me and then you look at the other noble-dams, and I can see you wish you had a wife like that."
"But I NEED YOU..."
"What you need is a shag! You have your pick of the dams to do that." She sighed frustrated. "I told you before - I love you - and because of that I can't just have sex with you. It fucks up my head..."
The truth was right now, she just wanted to go home! To her parents! To see them one last time at least.
"So if you need... servicing... then choose any dam you like," she wrapped the towel around herself tighter and stood to go and get dressed. "You really don't need MY permission. But if you do, then I grant you it. There!"
It was a strange feeling to say the words to him, because she didn't mean it. All she knew was that she was confused about Ulmo.
"I don't want anyone else!" He suddenly stood in her way. There was a strange hunger mixed with a longing sadness in his eyes. "And I can see that you are hurting too..."
Then without warning he picked her up again and threw her down on the bed.
She winced again anticipating her whole body to be burning in pain. But the pain never came.
Instead, he dove between her legs where the towel had come apart at the bottom. But when she tried to resist, he was quick and powerful pushing her legs up over his shoulders, leaving her with only the option to pull at his hair, which she had no intention of doing.
"Just relax, and let me give you a reminder of what it is that you are missing..." He spoke into her, making her shudder.
"Please..." It was all she could manage. She felt conflicted - on one hand she wanted to tell him to stop, but on the other hand she was desperate for this release for it had been so long, and no one knew her like he did! It was pure tortured pleasure.
But then he suddenly pulled away, both of them panting heavily as he observed her so very near her climax, the sensation slowly begging to ebb away.
"Do you truly wish me to stop, my lady?" He questioned patiently, trying his best to hide the smug satisfaction on his face. He was sure of her answer. "I shall not force the memory of my love upon you..."
She raised herself up on her elbows looked down at him, and gave in.
"No..."
"No? You do NOT wish me to stop? Or you DO wish me to stop?" He raised an eyebrow in feigned question.
"Don't stop..." the words were a silent plea, and nothing more than the faintest whisper.
But they were all he needed. He hadn't tasted her for so long following her embargo. And so, even though he would get no release, even though he would probably come away with the most painful arousal he had ever suffered, just tasting her pleasure would be pure satisfaction in its own strange way. Perhaps it was his way back to her, or so he could hope.
For her, this was a dangerous path. It would not lead to any good. But she was tired, confused and lucky to be alive. It was easier at this point to simply give in to her body.
...
The sun crept through the curtains, harsh in contrast to the darkness and confusion she had felt last night.
She rolled over in the sheets, pulling the blankets tighter around her against the cold and then her eyes suddenly popped open remembering the night before!
Under the sheet and blanket she had found herself tangled in she was entirely nude, her towel having fallen away at some point during the night.
She had expected his offer to be a slippery slope into something she didn't want, but the whole evening had been entirely for her benefit!
He had spent quite some time bringing her to several incredible climaxes, despite sporting a very hard erection indeed! In fact at one point he had been forced to remove his trousers to lessen the constricting pain. And yet he had never pressured her into sex!
Instead he had been very attentive to her body, and her needs. While she had not objected, the first time or the fifth time that night, until she had merely fallen asleep at some point afterwards.
She had woken up a few times at night, finding him asleep beside her in their giant bed, but he had remained partially clothed, and she had simply drifted back to sleep.
So waking up this morning, she had felt particularly shy. Her thoughts turned to her children and she looked over to where she normally kept a small clock, but found it was gone this morning!
The door to their room clicked open softly and in he walked carrying a tray.
It was hard to ignore how handsome he looked even in his dishevelled tunic and trousers.
"Good morning," he spoke with a neutral tone, setting the tray down on the side table. There was a plate of biscuits, and tea on the tray. "Tea?"
"Yes please..." She swallowed down the nervous knot in her throat.
She watched as he poured two cups of tea and handed one to her, sitting on the edge of the bed beside her.
"I know you are eager to see the children, and they you, but... I kept you awake till late. So I sent them away to breakfast and let you sleep in a little," he spoke taking a sip and looking away. "They miss you, but they are fine."
She took a sip silently, sitting up and covering herself. It was as if she had imagined him pleasuring her last night! If not for his dishevelled clothes, and her utter nudity she would have thought it was a very vivid dream.
"Are you not late...?"
"I have left instructions with everyone. They will manage without me for one morning also. I am here for you this morning..." He offered his explanation quietly. The truth was that last night was not enough for him. He wanted to taste her again. And he could feel himself growing hard at the mere thought.
She had begun reluctantly, allowing him to continue. But soon she had let go of all her inhibitions and her resistance had fallen away as she had opened herself delightfully wide for him, her soft moans growing louder as she clutched the sheets and ground herself up to meet him, very willingly. Her mind had shut off and her body had taken over as she had climaxed in his mouth.
"I am...not sure I really need much...help..."
"You have the morning to rest, and sleep..." He turned to her at last. "I imagine the children will wish to see you this afternoon. I doubt we will be able to hold them back. But for this morning, I suggest to try to relax..."
She took another sip of tea and glanced over at him shyly. For some reason, things felt different. And yet she couldnt get over her encounter with Ulmo either.
He set his cup down and turned to her.
"What I mean to say is that if you are having trouble, I could help to ease your mind..." He decided to clarify his position. "As I did last night..."
She could feel her face flushing.
"I know it was only meant to be one moment. But...I can see it helped..." He could feel his arousal growing. But there was some strange pleasure in the pain. "Let me help you again..."
He watched her closely this time, her big brown eyes locked in his cold, blue gaze.
And then she let the blankets covering her fall, and nodded...