"You need not feel any shame or guilt...it was little more than kissing..." He consoled her, as he lay beside her. He trailed a finger along her cheek before tangling around a lock of her soft, long, raven hair.
"Kissing?! Is that what you god types call it in order to keep it going with your side chick?" She traced her hand along the muscles of his check. "I came twice!"
She was entirely naked, the sun warming her skin. But she didn't feel self conscious. In stead, there in his arms, she felt comfortable and completely relaxed.
A deep rumble vibrated through him, as he laughed briefly. It was the closest thing to relaxed she had ever seen of him over all this time she had known him.
"Side chick...? Your land certain has very colourful use of language..." He chuckled again.
While it made him less like a statue, it was still the sort of laugh that she could imagine as most certainly belonging to a god!
"You are the mother of my child. I'm afraid that means you are furthest from being a 'side chick' as you could ever imagine..." He allowed his hand to drift down her neck and past her breasts. "It makes you very much the 'main chick'...and while we 'god types' have indeed had a few dalliances - I can say with utmost certainty that you are quite different. And perhaps you may have climaxed, but I certainly did not."
She smiled at his truthful admission.
"I had actually hoped that kissing you would have made things clearer between us, but in truth it has only made things more... complicated." She sighed, unable to shake her feelings of guilt, sitting up now to gaze out across the ocean. "I didn't really end things well with Thorin...we kind of stopped talking to each other some time ago. And then too many things happened so that he just didn't trust me anymore I guess. And I so desperately wish I could go home - I sometimes ache inside to see my parents. But I feel ungrateful saying this...or frankly feeling this way, when we have made such a beautiful family..."
She turned to find he too had sat up beside her and was now watching her intently. Watching with those beautiful, sea green, soulful eyes of his.
"And maybe somewhere along the way I stopped trying - I was never going to be accepted wholly by the Khazad anyway. And I was not born into royal life, so..." She sighed again. It was hard not to feel sadness over her separation from Thorin. "But then I have spent so many nights beating myself up about it all, and I know I cannot be solely to blame..."
"Little one, if all his mistrust stems from you carrying my child, then the only person that can be held responsible would be me." He reached over and tipped her chin up to study her face better. Her doe eyes often stirred many feelings within him that he had seldom felt in all those eons he had existed before. "Let me carry that burden for you."
Ulmo's beach truly was her idyllic calm from all the chaos in her life it seemed.
"And I am sincerely sorry if I have left you feeling confused..." He gazed out across the ocean himself this time, hoping to avoid those big, brown eyes of hers, for he felt a pain that had never felt before at the possibility that her most recent actions had been nothing but an error of judgement on her part. He should never have touched her beyond aiding her as she needed and he berated himself silently for making such a fool of himself.
"Actually, confusion is not so much the problem." She turned to find him seated and still looking out over his ocean. He was back to looking like a handsome statue of a god again, rather than the electrifying being that she had kissed mere moments ago!
"Then what is the problem?" He asked still somewhat distant.
She sat silently trying to think of how to say what she truly meant.
"I am still in love with Thorin..." She sighed. This was the time for complete honesty. "But I am also now sure that I am also in love with you."
...
"Ye cannae feel bad about it." Dwalin grumbled. "I have never truly defended ye as I should have - but ye deserved better from him!"
"But I just told you that I had a secret baby with Ulmo, hid it from Thorin, and I even kissed him now!" She blushed at the memory. It was much more than a kiss, and frankly she couldnt entirely explain how her clothes disappeared and she ended up climaxing twice either! "And I am pretty damn sure I am in love with him!"
This time Dwalin looked at her as if she had lost her marbles.
"Right, well...did ye let the Lord of the Waters dingle his dongle in ya?"
"No." That much she was certain about with regards to last night - even if the last of those strangely sheer nightgowns he put her in did disappear!
"So it was some greater magic of the valar that has blessed yer child." Dwalin dismissed bluntly. "And did ye start yer romance with the Great One before or after ye left Thorin?"
"Well...I think I may have been in love with him for a while -"
"Nah lassie - I mean, did ye kiss him after things began to fall apart with Thorin?"
"Well, yes -"
"That's not cheating either. He was being a coward and hidin from ya for a while anyway. It was plain to see fer me. Even Dis saw it - but she forgives him because he has seen her at her worst after her husband fell in battle. She was so broken, she could barely look after the lads - and Thorin and I stepped in. So ter leave ye like that after that scheming old hag tried to pin something on ya...I mean ye had to leave him. And it's only natural that ye would dream of someone better -"
"How did you know she was faking?" She looked at Dwalin again, stunned. It was as though she was seeing the grumpy dwarf for the first time.
"Och ye thought I didn't pay attention eh princess?!" He groused. "If ye grabbed her walking stick as she claimed. And then pushed her...how come her forehead hit the pillar BEHIND her? Surely a truly unsteady old coot like her would lose her balance and fall onto her back?"
He quirked his eyebrow at her along with a victorious flourish of his hands, as if to make his point of deduction more apparent.
"Okay." She smiled at him. "So why didn't Thorin think that?"
"Because he's a limp-axe cissy...and used to be a mummy's-boy and that old bat has some distant bearing to his mother." Dwalin mumbled crossing his arms across his chest. "Ye can't win em all lass. He's handsome and he probably struck yer flint well eh? But sometimes that alone is not enough..."
She fell silent at hearing his perspective. She had only ever shared the whole, ugly truth with Ulmo, and she figured he had a biased view of the whole matter. So hearing Dwalin, who had been unwaveringly Thorins right-hand-dwarf made her feel a little better.
"I know he may not be all to blame, in yer eyes, but he is me best friend and I have come to know yer well over the years lassie...ye gave up plenty ter help put him on that throne and Ter give us all our home back, so I would say he needed ter bear more in yer name." Dwalin concluded looking down at his hands. "But I also think there were some things he did completely wrong, particularly of late, when it came ter ye princess. And he needs ter do better before ye should go back -"
"Dwalin, I am not going back." She cut in now, eyes filled with tears because of the kindness he had shown at this very moment when she felt like she stood alone completely again. "I am here to ask Galadriel to send me home."
He stood in silence at first, hands by his sides and his face calm as he attempted to make sense of her words. And then slowly understanding seemed to wash over his features.
"And the bairns too...?"
"I left a note explaining all this to Thorin - well not about going to Rohan or Galadriel first but about my intentions to go back with the children -"
"I'll come with ya."
"What?" She looked at him in utter disbelief, wiping her eyes qiickly. It had been shocking in its own right to find him supportive after everything she had confessed, but this was support she hadn't expected in any way.
"I'll come with ya." He said again, very plainly as if he were offering to walk with them down to Dale!
She suddenly froze as she thought about how she truly felt about Ulmo now.
"Dwalin...I am not a good person...I mean... I think I am in love - no, in fact, I am CERTAIN that I am in love with Ulmo...And I don't think that will change now, even if things work out between me and Thorin..." She replied quietly as if she was breathing out a secret that had been rotting her insides for so long.
"Aye. I heard ya Princess." He grumbled, a little more reluctantly this time. "And do ye still love Thorin?"
"Yes." She didn't need time to think about it. There was no doubt in her mind, that she loved him beyond reason. For better or for worse. After all they had shared so much. "But I want to go home now. And I can't expect Thorin to come with me. So he is free now to find a suitable dwarven wife and rule happily -"
"Ye think he fancies any of the lasses that have paraded themselves around him for all these years?" Dwalin laughed sarcastically. "This quest for Erebor was never his life's legacy. Thorins halls in the Blue Mountains were peaceful and plentiful - that was his legacy. Nah - He took this quest because the wizard convinced him...but I think he was always meant to take this quest - to find ye!"
She looked up at him surprised at his thoughtful insight.
"Och lass, donnae look at me like that. It is clear ye were meant fer him. But he should have looked after ye better." He brushed his beard clearly deep in thought.
"What about Dis? You two were only just starting to act upon your feelings - I know they were there all along..."
"Nah - we will find each other again." He smiled a little sadly. "Besides I think she feels as though she must be there for Thorin and her sons...and I feel that I must be there for ye...she will understand."
"And Balin?"
"He cannae begrudge me for doin right by ya - after all, we formally claimed ye as our sister."
She watched him for a moment, as he attempted to act unbothered and warrior-like. So she rushed over to him and throwing her arms around his broad frame, gave him a big hug!
"You can wear all the armour and 'Khazad warrior-masks' that you like but I know you're a great big softie underneath it all!" She whispered as he gently patted her on the back, reminding her so much of her dad.
But after a few short seconds he quickly let go of her and pushed her away.
"Don't worry, you're secret is safe with me. To everyone else you are still very much the fearsome Khazad warrior..." She began when a thunderous sound tore through the air.
It was so loud that she actually ducked for a moment, somewhat taken aback. She could have sworn it was the sound of a very loud quad bike, but it was inconceivable here in middle earth!
"Och lass - I would threaten ye not ter tell anyone, but I fear this foul stench will probably kill most things for a fathom behind me...so there will be no one left to kill..." Dwalin grumbled, blushing. "This bloody tree shagger shite they feed us is giving me the worst gas I have ever experienced..."
...
"I...I...do not understand!" She stumbled away from the large stone bowl, tremulous. "What is this meant to be?"
"These visions are only a possibility..." Galadriel shook her head calmly.
But she didn't want calm. In fact she had not wanted to look into Galadriel's mirror at all!
"I have not been here for that long! The passage of time was not dissimilar from where Thorin left the journey - so time doesn't work differently! I know that! It's simple maths!" She found herself shaking now. But she couldn't quite tell whether it was with shock or with anger. "And I don't need to see this! My parents are not dead! I went to great lengths to get here so that I could go home!"
The reflections she had seen were far from what she had wished for. They had be gut-wrenchingly sad.
"It is not so simple -"
"I helped Thorin! I practically gave up my own life on two occasions to save Laketown and to give birth to my sons! So I have done my part! If you mean I need to convince Aragorn that he needs to get his shit together and become the man he was always meant to be...then I will have a chat with him about that too! But now I WANT TO GO HOME!"
"And what if this vision is what comes to pass? You find your parents have passed and the world has moved on?" Galadriel asked again calmly, ignoring her ever mounting agitation.
"Then I carry on and raise my children in my world, on my terms -"
"But they will have to return eventually for their fate is bound to middle earth." Galadriel said sternly.
"Then we will deal with that too when the time comes."
"We? You and the dwarf who guards you? Do you think he will be able to adjust to life there?"
"Yes." Shobha concluded firmly. "I just want to go home. It's finally time to go home."
Galadriel fell silent again. This time her pause was longer.
"And you trust this dwarf? To help raise your young family? In place of your husband?"
This time it was her turn to pause for thought. Dwalin was an unlikely choice. He certainly didn't look the role of a nanny or house keeper.
But one thing was certain - he would protect them with his life. And that was enough for her.
It was not a friendship she would have ever predicted, when she had first arrived here with Thorin. But now she was truly grateful for it.
"With absolute certainty." She said. The truth was that Dwalin had figured out how and where they went. And it was Dwalin who was now here for them, when it could have just as easily have been Thorin!
"Very well. Then we will need to get you all to the Pool." Galadriel smiled thoughtfully. "It appears after all, that your door is water...for some is it the earth and others it is the air...but then that does not surprise me. I sometimes believe you were intended not just for the Dwarf King...but that you were also intended for Him...it is no coincidence that your door to this world was through water. The moment you were transported here through the water, Ulmo would have known of you..."
"Okay - so the Pool? What pool? The forbidden pool?" She ignored the last comments that the elf had made. She couldn't afford to think about the mysteries and the great significance of fate that was often a part of life in middle earth.
"Yes. You will need to seek consent from the Steward of Gondor and I shall come to you when you are assembled. You arrived on the night of a full moon - so you must leave on the night of the new moon." Galadriel seemed to soften a little more, although it was clear that she did not think the woman's decision was wise. She herself had seen much hardship in her lifetime, so it was not difficult to sympathise with the woman. "Thorongil is well known to the Steward, and has fought to defend their people. He will be able to gain you the access you wish for, but you cannot let them know that you intend to enter the water."
She wanted to ask Galadriel what to say when asking to access their sacred pool, but she also wanted to simply leave the elf's special courtyard. She just needed to get away and try to forget the nightmare she has seen in the black mirror.
Closing her eyes for a brief moment to clear her head, she nodded before walking towards the steps leading out, when Galadriel placed a hand on her shoulder. She halted simply out of habit to look back up at the elf, whose face remained soft.
"You posses the gift of mind - so call me when you stand at the Waters edge and I shall appear...be warned it is a dangerous journey for the children though." She handed her a small vial of the water she had given her once before many years ago.
Shobha nodded silently again, but her frustration began to rise. She still remembered how she had felt as though she were drowning when she had falled into the old swimming pool and surfaced in the goblin tunnels! It would be easy for the children to lose her in that chaos.
If she was going to do this she needed a fool proof way to secure all three of her children to her, and Dwalin.
Then she thought of Lola and her heart sank. Their nanny had been steadfast in her decision to accompany her and the children.
Suddenly she felt overwhelmed by the fear of any harm coming to any of them and she rushed out along the winding steps carved and suspended amongst the tall trees or Lorein where the elves had made their halls.
She could no longer breathe for the anger and the fear of her situation that seemed to be engulfing her by the moment. Her feet seemed to carry her until she eventually reached what appeared to be a secluded clearing.
Then falling to her knees she gathered a bunch of her skirts, covering her mouth with it to muffle the sound and let out a scream!
She screamed again satisfied that nothing about her moved, for the muffling. And then finally letting the material fall away from her, she balled her fists up and brought them down hard...
...
The slamming of a large fist against his jaw seemed to wake him. Almost energies him!
Stumbling back for a moment, as his opponent gloated for a moment, Thorin shook his head and stepped forward, raising his fists again.
He was drunk enough to start a fight with at the inn on the outskirts of Dale, but not so drunk that he couldn't take this meathead on. He was Thorin Oakenshield after all (even if they couldn't recognize him like this)!
"Come on Dwarf! A bag of gold if you bea' me! I am the champion here! Undefea'ed for six moons now!" The large man slurred his speech a little, his coarse features clearly having taken a few punches over that time also. But his words seemed to rile the crowd.
He lunged at Thorin, who was able to duck out of the way in time before landing a firm jab into the giant man's side.
Thorin seemed to wake up again with that punch, any effects of the strong ale now almost completely gone!
"Perhaps you are all talk? And no trousers?" Thorin smirked at the man who recovered quickly and charged back at him with a growl.
His heart raced with aggression and excitement. This was the most alive he had felt since he had last found himself between her legs, grabbing at her flesh and letting himself lose control.
Again he moved out of the way at the last moment before this time landing a heavy blow to the man's jaw.
With a crunch and a splatter of blood from his mouth he seemed to sway for a moment before staggering and falling onto his back. It was hard to say whether part of that was from intoxication, but clearly, for the giant man, at least for tonight, his fight was over.
The exhilaration he had felt from the fight was soothing. She had given him permission to bed anyone he chose but neither his heart nor his cock felt anything for any of the dams in Erebor. So he had wondered his way through Dale in disguise, but even the brothels had nothing to offer him.
To make matters worse, he still couldn't find where she had gone. Even Thengel had not yet returned his messages, nor had Nori sent word back from Rohan yet. This was the only place he imagined she had gone now.
The crowd cheered and heckled, as another man moved towards Thorin and lifted his hand in the air!
"The new champion!" He shouted, as a further cheer went up.
After a few moments the man handed him a bag of coins.
"Your winnings lad..."
Thorin glanced back at the giant of a man still laying there, now snoring. A small woman knelt by his side now.
He watched her, wondering whether she intended to rob him, only to notice how she gently brushed his face with her hands in an attempt to rouse him. There was something strangely loving about her actions. And then to his further surprise she stood back up to reveal a very swollen belly!
The exhilaration he had felt mere moments ago had now dissipated entirely, replaced with a new longing to be back in her arms again, and have her stroke his face just as this woman did.
Even this oaf had a woman who cared for him.
"Here let me help you..." He knelt by the woman, who scowled at him.
"Think you've done enough." She replied quietly.
"Why is he fighting when he should be caring for you..?"
"You don't know anything about us!" She bit out quietly, he eyes filling with tears. "We were meant to find a place to settle first, but he put this babe in me belly sooner than we cared for. And now he is trying to earn money as fast as he can before the baby comes so we can have a house."
She sniffed, this time the large man seemed to stir as several years drops fell onto his face.
"Here. Keep this safe. And tomorrow ask him to see Lord Gloin in Erebor. I will arrange for you to have a home and several goats. They are hardy and can provide milk. But he must never fight again - for money that is. And look after you both instead."
The woman watched Thorin with wide eyes surprised at this offer.
"Thank you for your generosity, my Lord!" She nodded. "May I ask who I should say sent for me?"
"There is no need." Thorin tilted his head as he stood up. "Lord Gloin will be expecting you."
He grabbed his jacket, pulling it over his bare body before throwing his cape over it all roughly. Carefully he cut a path through the inn towards the door, avoiding as many people and brightly lit sconces as he could.
But just as he thought he had slinked away unnoticed, there stood the familiar figure of Balin by the door. He was cloaked and hooded but it was still easy to recognize the older Fundin. It made him briefly wonder where Dwalin was.
"Well, when it gets out that the King under the Mountain frequents squalid taverns looking for bar brawls, we will be in trouble laddie..." Balin sighed, clearly annoyed that he had been nominated to enact an intervention. "I hate to tell you this but no amount of pummelling others - or getting pummelled yourself will win her back laddie."
Thorin mumbled something under his breath, walking on and out through the doors of the inn, followed by Balin.
"Who told you...?"
"Well, Dis worried that you might be sulking around some brothel..." Balin admitted ashamed, for he had been sure Thorin had no such desire. "Not that is is my business, but she wore me down about the matter."
"I wish I could find my peace in the plump bosom of some comely lass, Balin." Thorin sighed turning to pat him on the back. "She left me and told me as much."
"I thought she slipped away without a word?" Balin frowned.
"I found her note." Thorin admitted. It had been a secret he had kept for a few weeks now. So it finally felt good to confess this. And he knew Balin was discreet enough to be trusted. "She told me she would not stand in my way any longer, and asked that I took up a dwarven wife and lived out my days in peace."
Balin silently accompanied his King, knowing that this was a time when he wanted a listener and not an 'advisor'.
"I mean it was just infuriating and the sort of thing she would do. Charge ahead and make impulsive decisions without thinking it through..." Thorin couldn't help but think of how she had come with him on their dangerous quest without hesitation. "Live out my days in peace! She wished me happiness!"
He repeated the words angrily.
"So yes, in conclusion to my dearest sisters concerns, I would love to enjoy a whore - but none of them are dark-skinned or dark haired enough for my taste now." Thorin ground out bitterly. "Its been weeks, but even my clothes still smell of her - as does the mattress and the furs - neither allowing me any peace nor sleep... At least this way I am too tired to notice her absence."
For the first time since her departure, Balin felt some pity for his King. Of course he still blamed Thorin for it all, but all this time he had imagined Thorin to be unfeeling of it all and submerged in his duties to care. Now he could see just how deeply their leader was affected by it.
"I received a Raven this evening...someone who did not sign there name to it..." Balin revealed now. It seemed to halt Thorin in his journey.
He looked carefully at Balin, his face was clearly still filled with hope.
"Well, must I beat it out of you too?" Thorin urged him quietly.
"All it said was 'your Queen is missing'..." Balin reached out to grasp his shoulder. "I am sorry laddie. I didn't even wish to tell you, but perhaps they will reveal more soon..."
"Nori?"
"No - the writing is unrecognisable to me."
"Dwalin."
"I haven't heard from my brother since before he left..." Balin shook his head.
"Do you not worry about him?" Thorin raised his eyebrow at his advisor.
"We are brothers, but he did was not as close with me as he was with you, laddie. I would often not hear from him for many moons." Balin shrugged. It was in fact a partial truth. He was sure the note was from Dwalin. But Dwalin often wrote hidden notes. The writing most likely would appear when he held it over a candle but he had been Interrupted by Dis before he could have tested this yet and there was no sense in giving Thorin any false hope at this stage.
They walked on in silence for a while, each clearly lost in their own thoughts.
"Can I ask why you grew distant from her?" Balin quietly asked. It had caught Thorin off guard, but he still continued to walk beside Balin.
"Because her heart had grown restless..." Thorin replied after a few moments.
"She had been unfaithful?"
"Not quite. But I think she had grown feelings for someone else..."
"Feelings..." Balin repeated the words. He didn't wish to press for who the other male might be.
"I think she had fallen in love with him..." Thorin had no intention of discussing her relationship with the Vala of the Ocean.
"But she has not acted upon it?"
"I suppose she may have now..."
"But she expects you will invite others into your bed now, does she not...?" Balin brushed his beard, looking along the long path that led up to Erebor. When Thorin remained silent, he carried on. "Do you believe she also loves you still and no less?"
Thorin remained silent again. He was fairly certain the answer was that she still did love him. But he had not been the best husband to her during her last few moons in the Lonely Mountain.
"I still believe she loves you..." Balin answered. "The question is, would you accept her love for another alongside her love for you, knowing that your children are still of your seed?"
Thorin was silent as they walked on for a while still, pondering Balins thought.
"It was no secret that Gror's wife was in love with another. It is said they often enjoyed their marriage bed with Farin, our grandfather...and their rule was what brought the Iron Hills to become the power it is today.." Balin quietly explained. "We dwarrow, are not unused to sharing our lasses, given how few they are in number...but it is something that you must be sure of..."
"What if I have driven her into his arms now, Balin?" He sounded pained by the idea. "While I find myself driven into a jealous rage by the thought, the pain of her absence I have now endured has felt like a walking death...so if it means I can have her back, then I would willingly share her..."
"Then perhaps it is time you stop wasting your energy on brawls with commoners and focus on seeking her out."
"But where? She has left without trace-"
"One cannot disappear entirely, laddie...it is just that we are not looking hard enough or seeing the tracks right before our eyes," Balin clasped his hands behind his back as he walked alongside Thorin.
"She is not in Rohan, or Lorein...nor is she in Rivendell: my emissary to the elven house of the west returned, just today, looking much thinner for his stay and complaining of a lack of meat." Thorin couldn't help his bitter chuckle at the poor fellow.
"Then it appears that she must be -"
"In Gondor!" Thorin looked over at Balin, who had apparently drawn the same conclusion. "Amongst menfolk, she would be well hidden...perhaps she has found a way to sail back to her land...?"
He wondered whether this was even possible, and could only hope he was not too late.
"See, I do think clearer after a good sparring..."
"That is what you call it then...?" Balin tutted again. "I had better get things readied for the journey east then..."
"You would come with me then?" Thorin was somewhat surprised, for having imaged.
"Aye laddie."
...