Chapter 5: The Calm before the Storm
Two Years Later
It's been a slow two years. Ever since that last surprise from Apophis everything just seemed to slow down. Hell he didn't even bother you once after that, nor did any of those other gods.
Sadly though over the course of these two years the Grail War has yet to start. You're a little peeved about that fact. Mostly due to the fact that you summoned a servant forever ago, and apparently so did your dog.
Of course it wasn't like nothing happened over the course of these two years. It's just that a lot of stuff became routine. Work on Magecraft, spar with Lancer, spar with Wilhelm, and then work on the project. Monotonous as it was, you have gained something from all of this.
According to Lancer you're now on par with low level servants, physically at least. Hell you have to limit yourself so you can learn from Wilhelm now. You once thought the man untouchable but in just these two short years? You've exceeded him. Of course if you were to fight without your inhuman strength, he'd kick your ass. However, you still take pride in how far you've come.
The project on the other hand? Was not going as well... Your absolute mess of a crest hampering the process at every turn. Honestly it was more you unraveling the web that was your crest than actually working on the project. Thankfully you've gained some progress, as it's much easier to use the spells within the crest.
Not that it's extremely helpful after all you're still missing the knowledge on how to summon and sustain a servant with the project… What else… Oh yeah, Setanta's servant moved into the manor. Though that's a bit generous, it's more like she visits daily rather than actually staying at the manor. The most surprising thing about this was the two Lancer servants getting along. So that was nice.
A shiver runs through your body, speaking of nice. That gift from Apophis? She's been a godsend for your stress. Always willing to put her heavenly tits to good use and please you.
At first you were a bit shocked and worried about how you were going to explain why an actual woman was sent to you. When she eventually woke up after you unboxed her? You were a bit scared of what you would have to do.
However, she seemed to be clueless about everything that was going on. It was especially annoying when she broke down crying and you had to hold an older woman, albeit a hot one, crying in your arms for around an hour.
After that though? She dedicated herself to being your proper servant. You don't know why she would be so ecstatic to be your slave, but she was, and you were not going to question that information. Another shudder exits your body at that last thought.
She was really going to town huh. You take a quick peek under your desk to see your slave enveloping your length with her tits. Oh yeah, she was fucking horny as shit. She would undress at the drop of a hat if it meant pleasing your dick. So you were satisfied with just her, for now.
On the other hand, the strange phenomena of receiving an actual person as a gift was still weird. The weirder thing was how everyone just seemed to accept that she existed and that she was your slave. You'd have thought that at least Wilhelm would show some concern towards the sudden appearance of the strange woman, much less the fact that she said she was your slave.
But nope! Nobody questioned it. Your curious side demands you to figure out why they would just be ok with such a thing. Then again, there is a ready and available explanation… Apophis's bullshit. A little bit of rage flared within you that the deity might have messed with Lucia, but you quickly calmed down.
You collapse onto your desk as your slave puts your dick in her mouth. Most of it was still crushed between her heavenly mounds but the tip was being lapped at by her tongue. You can feel yourself getting closer to release, the damn woman was a semen demon at times.
Just as you're about to let your load out all over her body she engulfs your entire cock with her mouth. Deepthroating you. Damn it felt good to cum. It was extremely good stress relief.
You'll have to please your slave later. Right now you have things to do. As you get up you can feel your slave reach for you. Then again...
Fuck it. Pulling your slave out from under your desk and plopping her onto the bed. You can barely hold yourself back when you look at her submissive form, all for you. She looks at you expectantly, her body draped upon your bed. You take a moment to enjoy the view before grabbing both her arms and pinning them to the pillows.
Her moans enticing you to enter her then and there. However, you hold off for just a bit longer. Getting closer to her face as you two lock lips. She gives in almost immediately allowing you to push her head into the pillow as you dominate her mouth. You soon separate, as you do so you line up your cock to her cunt and thrust.
This is the first time you've entered her in a while, and damn, she's still fucking tight as hell. The sensation alone is killing you. If this is what entering a woman feels like, you can't even fathom how entering a virgin would feel. Damn it you want more, no you need more. You can tell you won't be content with your current slave forever, regardless of how fucking hot she is.
Conquering your slave, you pound into her cunt with her legs wrapped around you. Her mouth wide open as her seductive moans exit. You let go of her arms and simply put your hands right next to her head as you begin to piston your dick in and out of her pussy. She tries desperately to keep your dick in every time you exit but your strength makes it hard for her to stop you.
Her moans slowly begin to form words as you hear her call for you. Master this and master that. She clearly wants you to stay inside her, so you'll give her what she wants. Pulling back before re-entering your slave at full force as she orgasms. You weren't done yet.
You begin to get into your groove as your repetitious motions hammer away at her cunt. You take a great level of enjoyment as you watch her exhausted face turn back into a pleasure filled one. You said you would please her, so you shall. You're a good owner after all, and good owners reward their pets.
However, you're approaching release once more. So sadly you'll have to end it here and now. Back and then forth, you slam your entire weight into her as she lets out a loud squeal. Back and then forth, once more you slam into her as she lets out a hearty, "Fuck!". Back and then forth, you release yourself into her as she slumps onto your bed.
Clearly exhausted you leave your slave to rest. Sadly the only issue with your current slave is her weak endurance. If she could, she would fuck you for hours. However, her lack of stamina has always been an issue. She's been getting better recently so hopefully she'll be able to go at it for longer by the end of the year. But for now… You'll have to make do with what you got.
As you leave your room, you begin to notice how long you were at it for. Must've been a hour at least, damn why did sex always seem to go by in seconds but took hours! Guess time really does fly when you're having fun. Well you already fucked up your routine. Might as well do something else?
You enter the foyer and see… Setanta and his servant, what is that outfit? You get a feeling today will be a nuisance. Maybe you should go spar with Wilhelm or Lancer and hope everything stays normal.
Then again Lucia might want company… You haven't been a good father recently… You've only spoken to her 3 times today! How dare you! It's disgusting how little you've talked to her!
Without hesitation you turn around and go to look for your daughter. Hopefully nothing strange or weird happens and no gods are involved... Who the fuck are you kidding! You've been way too lucky recently, Apophis is gonna show his starry ass sooner or later.
You soon arrive at your daughter's room. A swift and gentle knock lands upon the door. "Coming!" Your daughter has grown over the course of these two years and has become all the more adorable for it. As she opens the door your face becomes a bright beam of happiness.
Quickly putting away your smile, you look into Lucia's eyes directly. She stands at attention the second your smile leaves your face. Your daughter has gotten bold… You can see the sweat on her forehead. Entering the room despite her protests you find various amounts of junk food bags littering the floor…
Wilhelm why must you corrupt your Daughter with such disgusting food! It's gonna make her fat! Your daughter should remain as perfectly fit as you have! You'll not accept such disrespect! "Twenty." Your daughter groans at the statement as you two leave the room. Every time you've found her eating such food with reckless abandon you had decided you'd make her do laps around the manor. To ensure she keeps fit and doesn't become lazy.
Your daughter is still the bundle of energy she's always been but Wilhelm has been spoiling her like crazy with gifts and luxury food. Not to say he hasn't been giving you free stuff as well. However, you're a responsible magus unlike Lucia. You can be trusted with such luxuries.
Despite Lucia's initial lament towards the mandatory exercise she quickly gets into it. Running around the house with speed comparable to you. You don't understand why she's so lazy if she enjoys exercise this much. No, you shall accept her faults as a person, and like a good father you shall root out her faults from the source.
Seriously, she should be more grateful, you provide her with love, care, and affection! Yet all you get is the best daughter a father can ask for? Truly you are blessed. However, you won't let her grow fat and lazy. You care too much to see her degrade into such a sorry state.
You begin to watch your daughter a bit closer once she enters her tenth lap around the manor. For a lazy six-year old your daughter is quite athletic. You have no doubt that she's already better than most athletes when it comes to speed. Hmm she's almost done.
"Twenty! I'm done! Hey dad! Can we go out into the woods?" She finished those laps fairly quickly! You guess you can indulge her… You're not spoiling her! You are a good father and good fathers reward their children for good behavior… You're spoiling her aren't you… Wilhelm has obviously corrupted you and Lucia to the core. With his gifts and kindness and always taking care of you two!
Walking slowly behind the house you see the forest that Enkidu has chosen to reside in. It's honestly more of a mini jungle at this point. Trees have overgrown way beyond what they should be capable of and vines are everywhere. Aka it's the perfect place to run around and explore.
Lucia immediately makes a mad dash for the woods as you slowly approach it. You two have been in the forest for barely a minute and she's already high up clinging to vines. "I found this really cool place yesterday! You'll love it." A bit of panic sets in but you quickly ignore it. You can protect your daughter from anything. She swings forward on a vine as she leaps to another tree.
Following slowly afterward you think about how you'll have to thank Enkidu for accidentally overgrowing the entire forest. Lucia absolutely loves the place now. She never even went outside except to play out front before.
Soon you find yourself at a familiar but different cliff. This is where you pulled out the sword that Setanta snatched from you. It was now torn apart by roots and lichen. Where the sword was lodged now was a cave entrance.
A golden glow emanates from inside… Suddenly you are incredibly cautious of what might come next. "It's right there!" Lucia points to the cave from her roost on a branch. Promptly climbing down before making her way inside.
You follow, but you make sure Gae Bolg is on you, preparing for possible confrontation. What was inside was truly a glorious sight. A large chamber with golden lights residing in crevices all throughout the cave. It had a natural energy to it that revitalized you and put you at ease. You can see why Lucia brought you here.
Then you hear it.
"You, who enter the diligents' hold. How dare you enter the domain of Ra?"
"You, who face the diligent horde. Do you seek your demise by solar light?"
"You, who shall perish upon diligent blades. Do you wish to return to the stars?"
Three voices speak as one. You can barely understand what any of the voices say as Lucia turns around and looks at you with worry. You find yourself on your knees panting, your body only being held up by Gae Bolg. Why couldn't you just be allowed to enjoy time with your daughter?
Lucia disappears from your vision as you find yourself in a void. The same one as that other God Apophis showed you. So Ra has finally decided to fuck with you? You look up to see the absolute colossal entity as the main body is concealed by its 'wings'.
"No, it is you who has played us. We know of what you and Apophis did."
"No, it is you who has deceived us. The one known as Ra shall punish you for these actions."
"No, it is you who has tampered with diligence. You dare think yourself above the rules?"
Either talk as one or not at all. You can't fucking understand what this bastard is saying. The light blinds you as the being known as Ra unfolds his 'wings'. Revealing the solar body within. You stare at it defiantly. Even if the majesty of the being towers before you… You won't let it win.
"We shall listen to your demands. Only to ensure you understand the precarious position you find yourself in. You have gone against the will of the diligents and sabotaged your own growth. You have betrayed the spirit of the script. You have betrayed us." As it speaks the central body lights up with every word. You have no idea what it's talking about, if it means the sabotage that Apophis did… Well Apophis did that not you.
The light turns a mighty red as you gain a headache from it's brightness, "We are no fool, sinful one! We are aware that fault lies upon the hands of Apophis! We cannot punish him. He is of equal status. So we shall punish his… 'Protagonist' instead." Great Apophis told you not to piss off this Ra thing. Then decided to do it for you.
To be perfectly honest you never liked that dickhead anyway. "You shall not escape punishment via throwing blame to Apophis. We are aware of his faults. However, as we said. He is of equal status and we cannot punish him. Let this fuel your anger towards the troublemaker of the gods." Sure, you have plenty of issues with him already. What the hell is this punishment supposed to be anyway?
"We have decided to upgrade the diligents that have been sent. We are preparing a second wave of diligents as well. Most of them male, to ensure Apophis gets no mileage from their potential defeat. We have given them similar upgrades as well. Your end is nigh sinful one." Great more people to fight. Just what you needed, additional enemies when one day you'll be entering a war.
"It is a punishment. Did you expect something more lenient?" To be honest you expected worse. The light flares red. Not that you are saying you want it to be worse! However, it's more of an additional issue rather than an actual punishment. At that thought, the noise that exited the central body could only be considered a growl.
"We, seek your success. Unlike Apophis we have no care for your potential loss."
"We, seek your demise. However, such actions cannot be overlooked."
"We, seek your fate. So we shall manipulate your fate in such a way that he shall despise."
The light becoming blinding as you feel inexplicable pain all around your body. You scream out as you desperately cling to your heart. Feeling it being branded by the deity. Then it all disappears.
After that you find yourself back in the cave with Lucia worriedly trying to help you. "Hey… How about we just head back for today?" She looks at you in shame before nodding. You really don't want her to feel bad, but you also don't want to be anywhere near here right now.
The walk back to the manor was absolute hell. Not because you were seriously injured or anything, but because Lucia was moping the whole way there! Like what are you supposed to tell her? 'Sorry you accidentally led me to a god that has a vendetta against this other god that wants to fuck me over? So instead of just fighting it out they both decide to fuck me over!'
Yeah no, so you just bear with it constantly repeating that it wasn't her fault. Yet she kept her ashamed look. Once you two finally reach the manor she rushes inside, you can see her tears. A part of you wants to comfort her, however if she didn't listen while you two walked back? Why would she listen now? You'll just give her some space for now…
Well that was shit…
Mayber Setanta and his servant will be a good enough distraction. As you enter the Foyer you see Enkidu chasing Setanta around the manor. Maybe following is a better word? Either way you do have one thing to say… What the fuck is Enkidu wearing? No seriously? What the fuck is that.
It looks like a straitjacket… Her clothes were fine. Why would she replace it with something as goofy as that? As you are lamenting the terrible choice in clothes they both begin to run towards you. Setanta barking loudly in your direction as they finally reach you.
"Ah, good morning William. Master and I have been doing exercises around the manor. I hope you do not mind?" Does she not realize what she's wearing? Also exercises? Inside? You give a malicious glare towards the dog as he wags his tail.
Deciding to point out the elephant in the room, "Enkidu, what are you wearing?" Both her and Setanta tilt their heads at your question. Enkidu turns her attention to her master as he barks.
Nodding, Enkidu faces you again, "Master wished for me to wear more casual clothes when I was not in spirit form. Is there a problem?" Casual clothes? What was wrong with what she was wearing before! You return your gaze towards Setanta… Did he just wink at you? Things were going so well, now everything is weird again.
"Enkidu, your clothes look like a bondage outfit… Your former clothes were fine…" She tilts her head before gaining a skeptical look on her face. Turning her own gaze towards Setanta as he barks. She nods.
"According to master. These clothes are more acceptable." … Is the dog taunting you with his hot servant? Why is the dog taunting you with his hot servant? As you question your sanity Setanta makes his way out of the foyer leaving the two of you alone…
You don't know why but you kind of stand there awkwardly for a bit. Just staring into Enkidu's eyes as she stares into yours. Were her eyes always yellow? "Is there something you need, William?" Not really, but you don't want to leave your most recent interaction with her being you criticizing her clothing.
You do figure out what you could ask Enkidu as it was on your mind for a while, "If you don't mind me asking… If it's straining for Setanta to support you, how come you rarely stay in spirit form?" Her eyes light up with recognition as she thinks about what to say.
"It's an understandable misconception. Maintaining my form requires minimal mana from my master. Use of my abilities on the other hand are exceedingly draining. Especially my Noble Phantasms." Wait, doesn't Setanta have an abnormal amount of mana even for a human? Her Noble Phantasms must drain a lot then.
You decide to let that thought be known anyway, "That's actually really weird. From my understanding Setanta has enough mana that a group of magi couldn't even supply the same amount. So why are your noble phantasms so draining to him?" She shakes her head as you speak.
"I'm afraid you still misunderstand. Yes, my masters available mana is rather high. However, a majority of his mana comes from an unknown source. A source that I cannot pull mana from. Meaning I would have to pull from what little natural mana he has. My Noble Phantasm, Enuma Elish would certainly kill him, if not severely injure him if used." Enkidu had a morose tone as she explained. So, Setanta's mana isn't his own?
"That's rather concerning… Is this mana particularly dangerous?" Thankfully Enkidu shakes her head as you ask that. So she can't use Setanta's mana, because Setanta doesn't actually have that much mana. However, this unknown source… Whatever it is… You feel like you should be worried…
This source might be that mist stuff that keeps appearing… But you are uncertain. As you think, Enkidu's voice rings out, "Is there anything else?" You desperately try to come up with anything else to say but you don't really need to talk to her at the moment. So with a small bit of regret you shake your head. She gives a simple nod before walking past you.
Deciding you have nothing better to do. You head back to your room. Hopefully you'll make some progress on the Project. Sadly, you are not optimistic.
You meander your way through the halls of the manor. Eventually you end up just outside of Lucia's room. A large part of you wants to enter and make sure she is ok. However, you are terrified of making it worse. So with a heavy heart you continue to your room. The project must be finished.
Entering your room you see what little progress you've made on the project. Just a simple catalyst holding the summoning circles within. When the device is turned and supplied with mana the various circles shall be released and then you may choose portions of the circles to fuse into one combination.
As you hold the catalyst in your hands, you activate the contracts surrounding it. The various circles contained within project themselves from the catalyst. Your room is now littered with archaic summoning circles. You twist the device and the circles within the room shift. You twist again and again, the true puzzle behind summoning making itself known.
What you held within your hands was not the full project but simply a device that was intended to allow you to bypass many of the issues that currently plagued you. However, you have yet to find the order to summon a servant yet. It's likely that every servant ever has their own combination of twists and patterns.
So, why not just finish the actual project rather than mess with this sideshow? Well this step of the process, if figured out, will save you years of time developing your own system for summoning. You just need to summon a servant successfully with it. Your uncle was a damned madman if he actually made a breakthrough with this method.
Thankfully you know for a fact that at the very least your uncle did summon a servant with this device. Although likely a superior version, but that doesn't change the fact that it is possible. Then again from reading his notes, the servant disappeared almost immediately after summoning.
So it was entirely possible you were on a wild goose chase. Even if you do summon a servant with this catalyst, it is entirely possible that they will almost immediately dispel. Which is why the device you currently hold is technically superior to the one your uncle made. As it should, as soon as a servant is summoned, bind them to you with a contract. At the cost of a much smaller and harder to use catalyst.
As you contemplate your 'progress' so far the catalyst spins and spins. The summoning circles themselves rotating around your room like a tornado. The catalyst is slowly filled with portions of the various projected circles. A combination being formed. The one you are currently crafting is an altered version of the previous combination you tried as you did get a result from it.
You feel your mana as it is pulled away from you and into the device. The combination gets closer and closer to a finished product. Are you… Is it finally working? A figure begins to form before your eyes. Is it… You feel a much harsher pull as a chunk of your mana is taken from you.
Quickly contracting with your crest ensuring that less of it's mana is consumed. You stabilize yourself as the figure begins to take shape. You still can't tell if it's a man or a woman yet. You then notice the catalyst isn't full yet. It's summoning something without a full circle? You have to be careful, the project must be finished.
You begin to twist the catalyst once more desperately trying to find the correct combination. As you continue to use the device the certainty of the class of the servant is made apparent. Your circle is attempting to summon a Saber. Piece after piece slowly adds itself to the catalyst as the figure takes a more defined shape.
You believe it to be a man. You can make out a strange hat and robes as well as a eastern blade. Are you summoning some sort of samurai? No, stay focused. The catalyst's circle isn't finished yet. You are so close now, the project can be finished!
Just a few more pieces are missing. You carefully observe each of the hundreds of circles. Trying to find the pieces you are desperately without. You quickly find two more and the figure's form shifts once more. Color being possible to make out. All you made out was the color red. The eyes of the saber servant staring into you.
The only thing stopping the servant from fully materializing is the last piece of the circle. You are so very close. You can taste the end. With a caution you've never exercised before, you start your search for the final piece of this puzzle. The project will be finished!
A circle right above you has a piece you almost mistook for the one you needed but you quickly turn your attention to those on the floor. You hear a swish as the servant's sword points towards something. The last piece you needed. Entering it into the circle you begin to maniacally laugh. You are a step closer to finishing the project!
The figure disappears along with all of the circles. What? What just happened. Everything within the room is still. As if time itself stopped. No! You were so close! You were so damned close! The project… You just needed… You just needed this last piece… What the hell happened?
The catalyst seemed to reactivate. It shined brightly. However, the shape within it was not a summoning circle... It was a skull. What you heard next was barely above a whisper, "Erasure." The catalyst shined with a dangerous amount of energy.
You instinctively put your arms up as the catalyst drops to the ground. As it lands a bright light enters your vision. You are no longer inside the manor… You can't hear anything… What… What happened? "Foolish sinful creature of the devilish snake. Accept your fate and meet erasure. It is depressing to watch you struggle in your last moments."
You could hear that. The voice was raspy as if they smoked a hundred cigarettes before opening their mouth. So another god? This one wants you dead? Just perfect...
Honestly it seems like he succeeded. As you stare up into the skies, you see it. The skull, so this is Osiris... You aren't certain if the words came out but you tried your best to say, "Fuck you!"
"So be it." The skull disappears as it gets harder for you to keep your eyes open. You try to get up but both of your arms are broken. Looking at your left arm you notice it bubbling as if it was melting underneath the skin. As you stare in horror at your arm you see feet approaching you. Lucia?
Your daughter desperately clings onto your body trying to help you. You're certain she is screaming, but you cannot hear her words. Wilhelm and Lancer arrive not long after…
You can only watch in despair as your daughter tries her best to keep you with her... So this is how it ends? Killed by some higher power because it didn't like you? Fuck your life…
Your vision begins to fade, so you try to get out one last sentence, "Sorry… Lucia…" Hopefully you didn't gurgle out the words. You had feared death, but in your final moments it was calm. You didn't want to die, but you couldn't help but accept it...
You contemplated what death was like before. Wondering what your family and the executors that killed them felt in their final moments. You found it disappointing, the great and terrible end to your life was sudden and anticlimactic. Then as quickly as that thought enters your mind, your eyes begin to open.
A starry void is the next sight you see. "Welcome Pride." So the afterlife is hell after all. Great. Apophis scatters throughout the room before reforming right in front of you. He gently looks you over slowly healing parts of your body. What?
"Forgive me but I had tried contacting you all day. However, there was interference. Currently, Osiris seeks your erasure. Something about your existence has annoyed him." Apophis does not speak with a jovial or mocking tone but instead sounds angered. Does he really care what happens to you?
"Of course I care! You're my star! The protagonist of this story! You are a fine obsession. I will not allow angry bone gods to take what is rightfully mine. I am the writer! I determine the plot! There is no room for death so early!" Can he just calm down. One you're dead already, two you're not interested in guys.
You can see Apophis twitch. "I'm not interested in you that way jackass. You're my protagonist. It's like… Having a child and wanting to see them succeed. I'm certain you understand that feeling. On the other hand, ahem… YOU ARE NOT DEAD!" The deity becomes as large as possible as it's voice screams into your ears. Wait what?
You see Apophis pinch the bridge of his… Snout? Isn't he a constellation? Whatever the case Apophis sighs before looking directly into your eyes. "This will take a bit of time to explain…" Great, exposition, your favorite.
Apophis enters a thinking pose as you await his explanation, "Ok so basically Osiris became aware of your existence, and in all truth you should've died with the rest of your family. Due to me giving you the corrupted phantasm the Eyes of Balor, you survived. Sadly, he's not the biggest fan of this fact." So your very existence is enough to anger gods. Truly you are the most blessed individual.
Apophis nods at your thoughts, "Indeed you are. If it wasn't for the fact that you accidentally tapped into your final corrupted phantasm you truly would be dead. It's powerful abilities saved your life." So did you survive by pure luck or did you get a power boost from almost dying?
The deity in front of you cackles at that, "Afraid it was pure luck my friend! In fact due to activating it before you were meant to it had some adverse effects. You've been in a coma for the past three weeks." Wait! Three weeks! You've been unconscious for three weeks! Oh god, is Lucia alright?
"Physically… Yes… Mentally, your darling daughter is a little traumatized. I have no doubt you can make a quick recovery. It will just take a full year, with my assistance!" Apophis looked so happy at the news… A year? You're gonna be stuck here for a year while Lucia suffers not knowing whether you'll be fine or not?
You're gonna miss an entire year of her life! Whatever Osiris is, he has sealed his damned fate! The celestial serpent once more nods at your thoughts, "Before you start planning. Keep in mind if it weren't for the fact you currently existed in a universe, Osiris would've personally killed you rather than use the method he did. As his destructive power alone would've obliterated your entire world." Like, planet right?
Apophis shakes his head, "Universe." You won't let this fact get you down. There are other ways to harm people after all. Even gods. Though a certain idea is beginning to dawn on you. He attacked you in such a way because killing you personally was too destructive. That thought alone is terrifying and is slowly making you realize how truly small you are.
"Don't worry Pride. We'll have our revenge I'm certain. On the other hand, please forgive me for Ra's behavior. I was hoping he'd be into it. He kind of has a fetish for seeing his diligents being abused!" Wait, he wasn't joking about Ra being a masochist? Wait, does that mean this 'punishment' is just to get off?
"Basically yeah." You're simultaneously impressed and disgusted by the length these gods go just to fuck with you. The annoying but sadly only friendly deity you have met so far nods solemnly.
Speaking of this god, he approaches you slowly holding something behind his serpentine body, "So, anyways since you're going to be stuck here for the next year. What's your thoughts on 4th dimensional chess?" What?