AN: Thank you for all the support! It is very deeply appreciated!
Does he still want to see me?
Hermione stared at Severus' front door. Should she knock, or was it unwise to interrupt his evening? So far, he hadn't contacted her about cancelling their evening, but that didn't mean he wanted her around. Severus could be sick in bed or, worse, be in the hospital recovering from a potions accident.
Or, his girlfriend may have spent the day with him.
Perhaps the reason Severus had not appeared last night was because his girlfriend and he decided to spend all of yesterday evening in his house, sipping piña coladas, telling each other jokes, and basking in their growing affection for each other. For all Hermione knew, this girlfriend may not have left after staying over last night. Severus may be too wrapped up in her to remember Hermione's existence. That thought constricted her chest and moistened her eyes. Was she so easy to forget? Almost everyone else in Britain had moved on and replaced Hermione. Why should Severus be different?
If he was with his girlfriend, she would need to find a way to bow out as gracefully as possible. It wouldn't be prudent to schedule another poker night in front of the other woman, lest Hermione lose her composure and scream what she really thought about her existence. Still, if she could find a way to preserve her dignity, then she may make it through the rest of the weekend without drinking herself to death.
Bracing herself to either be berated because she'd awakened Severus from a nap or for the door to be answered by another woman, she knocked.
At first, there was no answer. Her stomach sank at the thought Severus may be in the hospital and could not answer it. If so, which one would he be at, and how could she find him?
Before she could meditate on her dilemma for long, she heard shuffling. Taking her cue, she knocked again.
"I'm coming!"
"Okay," her throat was tight.
Severus opened the door and blinked, almost as if he hadn't expected her to appear. Great, the other woman was inside, and he was trying to find a way to help Hermione preserve her dignity.
"Hermione," he began. "You came."
"Why would I not come?" She bit her lip.
His expression softened. "I don't know."
"I don't know why I wouldn't be here either."She gulped. "Unless you don't want me here."
"No, I want you here more than anything. Please, come in." He allowed her to enter.
"I apologize if I've interrupted anything," she said as she stepped inside, scanning the room for any sign of an intruder. "I didn't want to miss our poker night, but if you are busy, I understand. I can leave."
"First of all, I am never too busy for you," he answered. "Second of all, why would I be too busy for you?"
"I don't know." She swallowed. "When I didn't see you at the Primal Steakhouse last night, I thought something may have happened to you."
"You were there?" He shut the door behind him.
"Yes," her voice was even.
"That is odd, because I searched for you, but I could not find you either."
"You looked for me?" She raised an eyebrow.
"Yes," he replied.
"Huh, I didn't see you."
"Obviously."
She wrung her hands together.
He shrugged. "But I was seated in the back, in a darkened corner. Perhaps that is why you did not see me."
"Yes, I was in a dark corner too," She twisted her left foot into the ground and glanced down. "We must have been at the opposite sides of the restaurant."
"Perhaps."
"I still can't believe you were there." She met his gaze. "Why were you looking for me?"
"I only wanted to say hello," he fidgeted before strolling into the kitchen.
"Sure." She followed him. "You never just drop in and say hello to someone."
"What do you mean I never say 'hello'? I say hello to you almost every day."
"Yes, but that's because we're across the street from each other. You don't go out of your way to say hello to anyone else."
His voice was softer. "That's because nobody is as special as you."
Her chest warmed. "I could say the same about you. There is nobody as special as you."
"That is why I regret not seeing you. I wanted you to know that I enjoy being in your presence, even if it is only for a fleeting moment."
Her stomach sank at the idea of Severus searching the room, only to find Helen. He was searching for a friend but would only find a very thought her absence could have caused him distress made Hermione's chest constrict.
How would he react to learning about her double life? Being a former spy, would he understand her need to conceal her identity? As someone who was private, would he understand the need for such privacy in light of her disgrace? Did he understand her as well as she thought he did, or would he see her as another liar?
"Enough about missing each other." His eyes softened. "I am happy you are well. I worry when you are late to anything."
"You do?"
"Indeed I do," he answered. "You are never late."
"If you are on time, you are late," she argued. "If you come on time and forget anything, then you may as well be late."
Severus hummed before drawling, "Indeed."
She swallowed, wondering if she'd offended him in any way.
"You will be happy to know that I found some Zacapa 23 rum," he reached over his head and pulled out the bottle from a top cupboard. Then, he placed it in her hands. "It was highly recommended, highly valued, and made creating all those sunscreen potions worth the headache."
"Why nobody thought to make a sunscreen potion until you did, I will never know." She examined the bottle before her eyes grew. "Wow! Do you want to mix this with piña coladas, or do you want to drink it straight?"
"It's whatever you wish to do," he motioned for her to step to her right. Once she did so, he opened the refrigerator. "I also bought some Champagne."
"My, you are fancy tonight," she set the rum onto the counter. "Any special occasion?"
"No," he admitted. "Tonight I just want to enjoy the company of the best friend I've ever had."
"Does your girlfriend know you treat your best friend so well and value her so much?"
He frowned. "No."
"She may get jealous if she knew you were giving other women the finest champagne and rum." Hermione coughed. "I know I would."
"Are you jealous?"
"Of what?"
"Of the fact that I was with someone else last night?"
"How much were you with her last night?" She squirmed, preparing herself to listen to how wonderful another woman was.
"We held hands but never anything more," he answered before pulling out two Champagne flutes from a top shelf.
"It's okay if you've kissed her," her voice was soft. "I can handle the truth."
"I am telling you the truth." He made eye contact with her. "We did nothing more than hold hands."
"Why? I mean, don't you want to kiss her?"
"Not at the moment."
"Why not?"
"Because I don't know her well enough to kiss her."
"How well do you need to know a woman before you kiss her?"
"I don't know," he admitted. "I've never kissed anyone I felt any affection for, so I have no clear answer."
"You've never kissed anyone you've had affection for?"
"Never. The only time I've ever kissed anyone was if a woman asked for it. I obliged because I did not want to cause her too much discomfort. If she was going to pleasure me, I was going to give her some pleasure as well. Not once have I ever initiated a kiss."
"But would you enjoy kissing if you weren't asked to do so?"
"If I ever kiss someone I love, I'll let you know. Otherwise, kissing has been nothing more than a transaction for me."
"Just a transaction?"
"Indeed, I want to make my encounters as pleasant as possible. I'm not a troglodyte who refuses to take a woman's needs into consideration." He huffed. "That was all in Britain, though. I haven't kissed anyone since moving to Nevada."
Hermione's throat tightened at the thought of him lacking in affection for so long. Were her embraces the only times he was touched by someone who cared for him as a person?
"All of that is irrelevant." He popped the champagne cork. "Do you want to order from Pizza Castle again?"
"I would." She relaxed.
"Good," he answered. "You may do the honors of ordering it."
"Certainly." She cast a Patronus and put in the order, making sure to include garlic breadsticks.
"Garlic breadsticks?" He asked as the otter rushed away.
"Yes," Hermione grinned. "I'm hungry."
"Obviously." He handed her a champagne flute. "What would you like to toast to tonight?"
She twisted her lips. "How about to seeing each other now, even if we missed each other before?"
"I can drink to that." He gave her a small smile. "To being together now."
"Cheers." She smiled before taking a gulp of her champagne. Once she finished, her eyes widened. "Wow, that is amazing."
"Thank you." He leaned against his counter. "Lucius gave it to me for my birthday."
"He gives you the most amazing birthday presents." She took another sip.
"Indeed he does."
For a moment, they stood in silence, taking comfort in the presence of the other.
"You know," Hermione began, "I think there is a benefit to your philosophy of kissing others."
"What benefit would that be?" He raised an eyebrow.
"You actually take your partner's wishes into account. Nobody had ever done that for me, although I wish they had," she answered.
"You want kisses to be transactional?"
"I want to feel like I'm being cared for during the kiss."
"Do explain." He took a sip of his champagne.
"When I kissed Viktor, it was messy. We were just two children fumbling around. I didn't know what I was doing, so the experience wasn't enjoyable. With Ron, sometimes kissing him was fine, but other times he was groping me. He could be so rough and didn't always respect when I wanted to break away, or I wanted him to be gentler. I suspect most of the time, he was kissing me to shut me up."
"That is unfortunate since you have so many fascinating things to say."
"According to you anyway," she took another sip of her champagne.
"Remember, in this house everything I say is true."
"Of course. How could anyone forget? You are the most brilliant man in Nevada."
"Do not ever forget it." He grinned.
"Looking back, though." She took a shaky breath. "I don't think anyone ever cared if I was enjoying the experience of being kissed. Nobody cared if I was only kissing because it was what I was supposed to do or because I wanted to be kissed. Nobody cared whether or not they were showing me affection or if they just wanted something out of me. I've never had an ideal kiss."
"And what would your ideal kiss be?" He set his champagne on the counter.
"I would want to know the man inside and out," she set her champagne down next to his. "I would want to know I could trust him completely, that he would be with me forever, that he wanted me to enjoy the experience and every other experience I had with him. Then, I would want him to take cues from me. If I want a slow kiss, I want him to give it to me. Still, I can be impatient at times. Sometimes, I can't hold my desires in anymore and just want a man to take me in his arms and kiss me already."
Severus let out a low chuckle that sent heat throughout her core.
"I would want to know he had a deep affection for me," she stepped closer to him. "I think that's why I can't kiss my boyfriend yet. I don't know if he's that man."
Severus hummed.
"What about you?" She asked. "What would your ideal kiss be?"
"I suppose I've never considered it," He wrapped his arms around her.
"Well, consider it." She smiled and put her arms around him.
"Very well then." He took a deep breath. "I would want to know the woman accepted me for who I was, who I am, and who I will be. I have a history, and I am a complex man. There are days I am not at my best, and I will say something stupid. While I should be held accountable for my poor behavior, I want to know I can be forgiven."
Hermione hummed.
"I'd like the woman to know who I am." He gazed into her eyes. "I need her to know my deepest secrets, yet still accept me. I need her to love me the way I love her."
"That sounds perfect." Without thinking, Hermione moved closer to and tipped her head up.
Before she could think or react to what was occurring, Severus held her closer against him and captured her lips.