AN: Happy New Year! Feels odd to be posting for the first time this year. Still, I hope everyone has a safe, joyful, and amazing new year!
Thank you for all the support! It is very deeply appreciated!
Severus gritted his teeth and crumpled the letter. He considered incinerating it, but knowing his luck, it would rematerialize from the ashes. Whether he liked it or not, he would have to respond to this letter sooner rather than later.
"You seem to be in a decent mood today." Ricardo set three large boxes in front of Severus' counter.
"Today is proving to be a most excellent day," Severus retorted. "The monsoon season is in full force, so Hermione's hair risks getting wet. While I think she looks stunning with wet hair, she feels as if wet hair is ruined hair. No matter what I do, I can't convince her that she's beautiful as she is!"
"So you're upset that Hermione has low self-esteem?"
"Yes, but it is not my biggest concern, nor is it what is upsetting me the most."
"What is upsetting you the most then?"
"I woke up at three and could not sleep for an hour and a half. The second I came into work, I was summoned."
"They want you to attend jury duty?"
"No, though jury duty would be preferable to this."
Ricardo hummed as Severus thrust the letter into his hands. As Ricardo read it, a smile crept across his face.
"It's wonderful that Draco wants to meet with you and Helen." Ricardo glanced up. "Assuming you're still dating Helen."
"Of course I'm still dating Helen," Severus snapped. "Why would I not be?"
Ricardo frowned. "I thought we had an understanding before I left."
"We did." Severus' scowl faded.
"Then why are you dating Helen when you were ready to accept Hermione's love?"
"Because your inspirational speech came a few hours too late. Hermione doesn't want to remember the kiss. She wants to pretend as if nothing has ever happened between us. I must accept her lack of desire for me or risk losing her forever."
"So you're going to date Helen instead?"
Severus shrugged. "Do I have a choice?"
"You could always remain single. A couple of months ago you were fine remaining single forever."
"No, a couple of months ago I was happy only having Hermione in my life." He exhaled. "Now she wants me to forget the most beautiful moment of my life and pretend she isn't the most desirable woman in the world."
"At least she still plays cards with you. Your friendship is still intact."
"Yes, but it doesn't change the fact that I can't stop thinking about her. No matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about wanting to be with her, and it's driving me to distraction!"
"Have you tried telling her any of this?"
"What good will it do me? If she knew how much I loved her." He slumped. "She'd run away screaming and demand I never speak to her again."
"She doesn't run away screaming every morning when she waves at you."
"Look, I don't want to get into Hermione right now," Severus snapped. "I need your help."
"With what?"
"With this upcoming dinner date."
"What do you need help with?" Ricardo cocked his head.
"This date is the dreaded double date that I have feared." Severus tapped the table. "Draco and Ginevra want to meet with Helen, Hermione, and me. All of us are expected to be present. If I'm not there, Draco won't buy his antenatal vitamins from me anymore."
"And you won't call his bluff because…"
"His baby deserves only the best," Severus argued. "While there are many adequate potions masters in Britain, almost all of them put too little folic acid in their potions, and the nutrients aren't always balanced the way they should be. If Ginevra wants to ensure that her baby is as healthy as possible, she needs to use mine."
"So you already care for their baby." Ricardo's lips curled up.
"I care that Draco doesn't come in panicking because something is wrong with Ginevra and the baby."
"You actually like that child."
"Like is a strong word." Severus' expression softened. "Though I do care for them. Draco may be too much of a dunderhead to know the difference among the various forms of prenatal potions, but I do. That is why I need to help him as much as I can."
"Fine, you can't get out of the date." Ricardo swallowed. "Why are you looking at me like I'm a free pound of steak?"
"I need you to pretend to be me. Well," He twisted his lower lip. "I need you to pretend to be Steven."
"Excuse me?" Ricardo's eyes grew.
"Yes, pretend to be Steven so I can be with Hermione and nobody will know the difference."
"You want me, a happily married gay man who fought like hell to come out of the closet to be with his husband, to pretend to date a straight woman so you can date someone else and make your situation worse than it already is?"
"More or less."
Ricardo smacked his head.
"I can give you an overview of Steven Turpin, his likes and dislikes, and some memories with Helen, no," Severus snapped his fingers. "I'll give you memories of our dates. You can study them. I'm sure Joseph can help you with your acting skills."
"I'm having a difficult time envisioning Joseph consenting to me dating a woman, much less helping me do it."
"You aren't dating her. I'm dating her, or Steven Turpin is dating her, or…" Severus shook his head. "Never mind. Your body is dating her. That's all you should care about."
"I'm not helping you with this ridiculous plan."
"Why? Because you don't know Steven Turpin and are afraid you will mess up if you pretend to be him? I can teach you everything you need to know about him."
"I'm not helping you because I know you."
"That is true." Severus smirked. "You can pretend to me."
"Why would I pretend to be you when you're sitting beside me pretending to be someone else?"
"Because you know me better than you know Steven Turpin."
He put his hands in the air. "I'm not helping anyone do anything."
"You won't come to the date?" Severus asked.
"No," Ricardo snapped. "I am not helping you date anyone."
"Fine." Severus outstretched his left hand. "Give me a few strands of your hair."
"Why?"
"It is going to take some ingenuity, but if I have a few strands of your hair, I can Polyjuice myself to look like you, then slip into the restroom and Polyjuice myself to return to myself. After a time, I can resume Steven's form. It will take some effort, but I could be both of them at the same time."
Ricardo looked down and shook his head. "I'm getting a headache just hearing about this plan."
"If you won't help me, then it's my only recourse."
"No." Ricardo met his eyes. "You're recourse is to march into Hermione's store, admit you were a dunderhead for not telling her the truth about your feelings for her from the beginning, tell her you haven't forgotten anything, and ask her to accompany you to a fancy restaurant so you can show her how much you care for her. Then you two can have an honest discussion about your feelings instead of engaging in convoluted plans to date a woman you don't love."
"That sounds like a worse idea than my Polyjuice plan."
"Ironic, since your first Polyjuice plan is what got you into this mess."
Severus snarled.
"I'm not loaning you my hair, I'm not pretending to be you, and I'm not going to have anything to do with this date," Ricardo argued. "Instead, I'm going to stay home with a good book and try to get my mind off your amazing talent for making your life much more complicated than it needs to be."
"What's your price?" Severus growled.
"Price for what?"
"Your hair."
"There is no price." Ricardo folded his arms over his chest. "I'm not doing this."
"Do you want a raise? A bonus? A partnership in my business?"
"I want you to get your life together."
"That will only happen if you agree to this."
"How?" Ricardo snapped. "On Friday I'll pretend to be you. Then what? What about the second double date? What about your wedding? Do I need to say your vows because you were too busy playing poker with Hermione to show up for the wedding?"
Severus moistened his lips.
"Where does Hermione fit into this date anyway?" Ricardo continued. "How is she going to react when she realizes that not only have you been dating someone, but you've been doing it with your employee's hair? Are you going to apparate back and forth between here and your honeymoon in Puerto Rico because you don't want to miss card night and you can't stand the idea of someone discovering your little ruse?"
"First of all, my honeymoon with Helen wouldn't be in Puerto Rico," Severus argued.
"Why not? You once told me that's where you most want to visit."
"No, that's where I want to most visit with Hermione." He exhaled. "No one else would understand its appeal, not like she does."
There was a spark in Ricardo's eyes. "Don't you think that's the advantage you have in this situation?"
Severus raised an eyebrow.
"This man has known Hermione for little more than a month. In the meantime, you've known Hermione since she was eleven, and you've been best friends with her for seven years. He only sees her once a week at the most. You see her almost every night."
"True," Severus drawled.
"Then I say you use this to your advantage," Ricardo suggested. "Tell Helen the truth about your identity. Make it clear you were scared to appear as you were, but that if she stays, you want to show her a good time. She will probably leave because most women do not like liars and men who pretend to be someone they are not."
Severus' stomach twisted at the truth behind his words.
"That leaves you and Hermione's new boyfriend. Spend the rest of the night charming her, reminding her that you are the one who knows and accepts her for who she is."
"What if she and her boyfriend begin kissing in front of me?" Severus fidgeted.
"You know a few wandless hexes. I'm sure you'll find a way to prevent it from occurring, or at least make him regret becoming too affectionate with her."
Severus tapped his chin. It had been a few years since he'd berated a dunderhead, and Hermione's new boyfriend was a dunderhead. He had to be. Otherwise, he would have kissed Hermione by now. He also would be spending much more time with her. Only a dunderhead wouldn't spend as much time with Hermione as possible.
"For Christ's sake, you were the Head of the Slytherin House. If anyone can think of a plan to eliminate a romantic rival, it would be you," Ricardo continued.
"Sadly, I am deficient in that area." Severus slumped. "My history is proof of that."
"You were a boy when you went up against James Potter. Now, you're a man who is trying to undo one of the biggest mistakes of his life. From that angle, the circumstances are quite different. You are older, wiser, and have the attention of a woman who would avada kedavra anyone who so much as thought of calling you anything other than your name."
Severus hummed, musing on the truth of his words.
"If you can take down a dark lord and survive Dumbledore, you can prove to Hermione that you are a better man for her than some nameless boyfriend."
Severus glanced out the window. Hermione strolled to her store, doing her best to keep her umbrella over her hair. As she did every morning, she looked into his store window, smiled, and waved. Her umbrella shifted to the right, but she didn't mind her wet hair. The brightness in her eyes remained.
When she was with him, her eyes lit up. When he touched her, her body reacted to his. When she spoke about him, she couldn't hide the enthusiasm in her voice. No other woman had done any of those things around him. Hell, she didn't even do those things around her boyfriend. She was attracted to him; if only he could get her to see it.
"So," Ricardo drawled. "Are you going to fight for Hermione, or are you going to sit back and let her walk out of your life?"
She gave him another wave before strolling into the store.
"She's worth fighting for." Severus grinned. "I may not succeed in winning her affection, but she'll at least know I fought like hell for her."
Ricardo's lips curled upwards. "Good."
Severus' expression matched that of his friend. Somehow, he was going to prove to Hermione that he was the man who loved her more than any man ever had, that despite his brokenness, he was willing to love her if only she'd allow him to say those words and show her every day that they were true.
Somehow, he was going to give her the most unforgettable night ever.