A/N: Writing this was fun... ;) Last updated: 31/01/2025 (lyrics Be Prepared 2.0 slightly altered...)
Scar emitted a yawn upon detecting the two leading hyenas and Ed standing in front of him. "Really, now?" he mumbled as he slowly rose from his rock, his lack of interest evident. "Somebody better be dead or dying…"
"You summoned us," Shenzi took the word, realising they had just awoken the lazy lion.
Scar stretched out, yawning once more. "I did?"
"Ya did last night," Shenzi continued, her mischievous eyes shifting to Banzai. "He did, didn't he?"
Having received the hint, Banzai nodded his head. "Definitely! Ed?"
Shenzi, giving Banzai a stern glare and elbowing Ed, said, "save your breath. You were clearly preoccupied with the ladies..." Quickly, she turned to Scar. "What ya need?"
"That must've slipped my mind then…" Scar mumbled. "Still, it couldn't have been urgent enough for you to skip today's early hunt for it," he added, frowning.
"Ah, don't worry 'bout that, Scar. We left a worthy replacement in charge!" Banzai called out with great enthusiasm, disregarding yet another disapproving glance from Shenzi.
"What ya need, Scar?" Shenzi repeated before Scar could delve further.
"Wait! Before ya answer that, allow me to guess," Banzai started, his enthusiasm still evident. "Ya want us to prepare the ceremony for Nala's exile!"
Scar frowned. "No, why would I desire that?"
"Well, we heard about yo—" Deliberately, Shenzi coughed. She decided to restrain from expressing certain words that, for the sake of her own benefit, were better off unsaid. "—proposal, which I assume she wasn't prepared for... I assume she refused, so your next logic step must be—"
"She was indeed blown away by my proposal," Scar grimed. His morning temper dissipated as quickly as dew on the grass. "Did I hear you utter prepared?" he added, mumbling, before he threw in a tone of annoyance. "If you had postponed and let me sleep in, later in the day, I would've had incredible news to—"
"She accepted?" Interrupting the lion with intense vigour, Banzai spoke up. "So, ya want us to track down the silly baboon and have him announce the new royal couple to the folks?" The idea made him sneer. Also, Ed giggled.
"Have you got dung in your ears?!" Scar responded loudly, his voice tinged with anger. One day, that sharp-tongued lunatic will be the death of me... Scar sighed deep. "Have you not received word of the announcement I made yesterday? I am capable enough to do it myself without the assistance of a foolish baboon!" Scar had always harboured despise for the traditions his ancestors had prescribed to the Pride Lands. Since it was his reign, he persisted things went his way. "Nala will not decline me…"
"You're quite confident, don't ya?" Banzai exchanged a look with Shenzi, who frowned.
Scar grimed. "Precisely!" Displaying an enormous attitude, he jumped off his rock. Following that, he cleared his throat. "I know that your powers of retention are as wet as a warthog's backside." Scar crept up on Ed, who he saw gnawing his own leg. "But thick as you are, pay attention." He slapped the hyena and continued his steps. "My words are a matter of pride."
"Oh, are we singin' Be Prepared again? Great!" Banzai's hopefulness was apparent as Scar loomed in front of him, his evil grin stretching across his face. "Who do ya want us to ki—" With haste, Shenzi had punched the male hyena in his face. Then, upon him giving her a where did you do that for look, Banzai noticed she carefully signed her head in Zazu's direction. "Uh, let's sing! Let's sing!"
"It's clear from her vacant expressions." With pride, Scar went on with his song. "The lights are all on, aiming for me." He sneered, amusingly.
"It sounds different..." Shenzi commented.
"Yes, as king I've fought phantoms to rinse my mind." Scar blocked Shenzi's path. "In the end, the winner is me." With a confident smile, he rose and pounded his chest with pride, praising himself. "So prepare for a chance of a lifetime. Be prepared for my sensational news." A bit gushy, he brushed his long mane out of the way. "A shining new era. I'm tiptoeing near her!"
Shenzi rolled her eyes as Scar actually tiptoed around the place. "Again, I wonder. Where do we feature?"
"Sorry, I left that part out…" Scar said, padding her back briefly.
"I know it sounds selfish, but you must understand my perspective. Have you not seen any of my clues?" Scar frowned when he noticed Ed lounging on his royal rock. He leaped on and kicked the hyena off. "All lions, deliciously paired… Be prepared!"
"Right… I don't think I like this version of Be Prepared, you?" Banzai frowned.
"I agree, it kinda lost its glamour..." Shenzi shook her head.
"I'll finally be the king who'll be all-time adored!" Scar scanned the area, his gaze halting upon locating Shenzi. "Of course, I'll need you to obey your new queen…"
"Psst, do ya think he noticed his background choir is missing?" Banzai whispered to Shenzi.
"I won't be sticking around to hear this nonsense for much longer either!" Shenzi responded, irritated. As she looked to the side, she caught a glimpse of Scar parading around. "He acts ridiculous…"
"Because I will get that beauty on board…" Scar's visage shone with mischief. "*In ictu oculi, she'll be expecting…"
"Got it now, Casanova…" Shenzi's face twisted in disgust.
"The future is littered with… litters," Scar continued, clearly improvising his lines. "And though soon I'll have a few new main addressees, the point that I must emphasise is…" With a burst of energy, Scar took a running leap and landed in the middle of the three hyenas, startling them. "If you betray me, my claws will catch you!" He spit in Ed's face, who was the last one to flee from beneath him. "So prepare for the couple of the century. Be prepared for the cutest cub…" He leaped around, hurling from space to space.
"I've heard enough! Come, let's get outta here!" Shenzi finally said, beckoning the males. Beyond the black-maned lion's notice, the three hyenas ran out with haste, fleeing from Scar's wildly gone mad disco.
Outside, the three hyenas gasped for air, their heart rhythms raging. "It's official, I'm allergic to lions in love!" Banzai's fur stood on end as he heavily scratched himself all over his body.
"Yak!" Shenzi pulled a face. "That much testosterone, it smells!"
"Oh, sorry…"
"Not you! Him!" Shenzi gestured with her paw towards the cave. They still heard Scar's performance continuing loud and clear. "And in love is an understatement. He's obsessed with her! The manner in which he's singing about her... I'm almost feeling sorry for the brat!" Shenzi shook her head. "He's beyond redemption…" she stated.
Banzai couldn't help but giggle when Ed made a silly face, with his eyes crossed and his tongue hanging out. "Exactly, Ed!" Both male hyenas erupted in boisterous laughter.
"I think it's time to get our orders," Shenzi said in between the two laughing males, arching an eyebrow.
Banzai coughed, regaining his grip on reality. "What? Ya really want to go back inside there?"
"No, you idiot! Zira's orders," Shenzi grinned and gave her mate a playful wink.
Banzai escaped a sigh. "Aha, can't we first find us somethin' to snack? I'm gettin' tired of cleaning up the lions' mess!" he complained.
"All right then…" Shenzi gave in, "…but in the presence of Scar, could ya try to watch ya mouth? In case ya slip somethin' we don't want him to hear," she added as they continued their path, away from Scar's cave.
"Meticulous planning. Tenacity spanning. Decades of denial. Is simply why she—" Scar raised his voice. "Will be mine!" His enthusiasm evident on his face, Scar remained under the spell of his own performance. "Respected, saluted. And she'll see the wonder I am!" His self-praise continued as he held his paw near his chest, idolising himself.
"I wonder why you still need me. You're quite the entertainer yourself… You should move to another mainland where the residents are alive enough to discover your talents..." Zazu commented as he watched Scar's performance. Scar's loud presence was so apparent that the bird couldn't disregard the king's mad show, even if he attempted to do so. Zazu sighed. "Fortunately it means my voice can finally take a break," he mumbled to himself.
"Be Prepared!" Scar gave it one last gill. As he stood on his rock, the black-maned king leaned forwards. Then he prepared to jump, stumbled and lost his balance. He tripped, and while rolling, he fell off the rock.
At that, Zazu softly commented, "You might want to save that for the bloopers…" while he tried to maintain his laughter.
Scar sighed, yet conjured a tiny smirk on his face and suppressed his embarrassment as he said, "I suppose I need a bigger cave…"
*In the blink of an eye