Chapter Twelve

A New Perspective

Edward Cullen

March 2005

I'd been stretched out on the couch for a short time after Esme rejoined Carlisle and I, reading through a horror novel Jasper had recommended to me, when I first heard the strange sound coming from somewhere above me.

After the noise got louder, I set my book in my lap before I turned to my parents, "What is that noise?"

Esme looked up from where she was sketching architectural plans on the new coffee table, and Carlisle leant forward in his seat right behind her. Their expressions both looked so terribly sad.

"Bella's crying, as much as we can anyway." Esme told me quietly. "I don't think she's had a moment of peace since she was attacked. You saw how skittish she is, and she thinks everything she does is wrong somehow, so I can't imagine how she must be feeling. Alice said this is the first moment she's had alone and could rest since she was changed."

Carlisle nodded in agreement, "Think of when Jasper joined us. He was only here because of Alice, at first anyways, and he'd been away from Maria and that life for a short time already. We met him ten years after leaving that lifestyle, and he was still suffering and terribly depressed. Sure, his gift was largely to blame for his turmoil, but deep down the issue was the same one that Bella's facing now. It's a kind of identity crisis from what I've observed. She's gone from being a normal teenage girl, to a lethal soldier stripped of all comforts, and now she's not sure who she'll be after leaving both of those things behind."

"Is there anyway to help? Or do we just leave her be until she figures it out?" I hated to think of her being in such a state of pain. Especially if there was something we could do to help.

Esme smiled, my favorite proud-seeming smile of hers, as she set down her tools, "Of course there's ways to help." She assured me. "You did so much to help Jasper, even if you didn't realize it, by simply being a friend when he needed it."

"Yeah, that was hard to do after he threw me through the kitchen island just for hugging Alice back." I laughed, the memory was funny now when it hadn't been in the moment. "But, later, I understood that he thought I was trying to attack her when I spun her around."

"Exactly." Esme nodded. "You understood and you both moved on afterwards. He was able to relax a little more about Alice's safety with you and that led to trusting her safety with all of us. The two of you went back to talking about books and music like you were good friends again. You not holding a grudge or being condescending to him was great in helping him see his place here. We all had our ways of reaching out to him, now we just need to have the same considerations for Bella."

"She doesn't seem to have a very good self-image. She seems so self-conscious and too tense to enjoy anything." I remarked. "Which, it's really sort of sad, she's a pretty girl with a lot of time ahead of her. I'm sure there's lots of things she'd enjoy if she can find a way to feel comfortable here."

"Oh, she's pretty is she?" Esme tried to tease me as she turned to grin at Carlisle.

"Mom-"

"I know, I know." She relented, but she still giggled. "I'm sure you didn't mean it in any certain way." However, her tone told me that she was sure I'd meant it how it sounded.

"Maybe you might see if she'll talk with you about books?" Carlisle suggested. "Alice has told us she's seen Bella become a bookworm at some point in the future. You might help speed that along by just talking to her. You might try asking her about the books we chose for her shelves."

"There's things I think we can all reach out to her on." Esme agreed. "I'll see what I can do to help when you all go back to school after spring break too. The alone time during the day might be very helpful."

The backdoor opened then and my siblings came flooding into the living room. The immediate disruption to Carlisle's peace was clear on his face.

"You prayed for centuries for much less than this. Enjoy it, please." Carlisle's mind was clear amongst the others noisy thoughts but, then again, I'd always heard him the best.

Spending three years attached at the hip, then having a woman we both loved run our lives for twelve years until her next child joined the family, makes two people fairly codependent on one another. He had the disadvantage of being the sole mind I read for the first two years of my change, and he'd remained a focus point ever since.

As Emmett and Jasper began to give our parents the description of their fight, the noisy thoughts around me increasing in volume, I chose to focus on Carlisle's thoughts again. I knew he never held any distain for me focusing on him through the noise around me. He liked that I relied on him for centering myself.

He was smiling as his two sons recounted the details, but his thoughts were shifting between listening to them speak and his on internal musings.

"...wonder if Edward might come with me upstairs in a moment...like to have a moment alone."

I found it funny that, as much as Carlisle loved us all and was so thankful he had us with him, he still sometimes reverted back to the antisocial ways he had prior to changing me. He'd spent so long alone, and he'd loved having Esme and I, but then Rosalie came along and quickly brought Emmett behind her. Our coven grew so quickly and just when we had settled down again, Alice pulled Jasper along with her and changed everything yet again. Every addition had been for the better, and Carlisle had so much devotion and love for each one of us, but he still needed his time to himself like anyone else.

"Where's the pipsqueak?" Emmett jolted me from thoughts. He looked disappointed to find that Bella wasn't in the room with us. "I thought she'd like to hear about our brawl, since fighting's her thing."

"She's upstairs resting in her room. Key word is resting, Emmett. Please, don't go bother her." Esme asked of him. "And do not call her pipsqueak."

Emmett huffed, "Can't pick on her, can't tease her, and can't call her names. Man, I was not expecting having a little sister to be so lame."

"It's sweet that you're so excited she's here, and I'm sure she'll come around sometime, but you've got to give her time." Rosalie assured him. "Remember when Alice first came around and freaked us all out when she acted like we were already family? She'd say things that wouldn't happen for years as if they'd already happened?"

"Yeah, it was freaky." Emmett agreed.

"Ouch." Alice fake pouted before giggling. "Yeah, I always come on strong, and I know that about myself. You all don't have any idea how much I'm holding myself back now that she's actually here. There's so many wonderful things I've seen, I'm nearly dying to have them happen, but we've got to be gentle with her."

"Exactly, coming on too strong is the last thing Bella needs right now. We've got to find the balance." Rosalie agreed with Alice.

"Gentle with her? Finding a balance?" Jasper gawked down at Alice playfully. "Where was any of that when you found me? You immediately had plans and dragged me along with you! You didn't stop talking for three hours when we met."

"Are you suddenly complaining about me finding you?" Alice challenged him. "You needed me to have those plans and you know it. Me bossing you around has been the best thing that's ever happened to you."

"Yeah, for sure." Jasper laughed as he wrapped his arms around Alice and pulled her off of her feet. "I'd also been on my own for eight years then. I needed some direction."

Carlisle stood to his feet and everyone's eyes went to him, "Exactly, having direction is good for anyone. Bella's got the beginnings of that now, so we just need to be supportive and try to reach out to her without being too overwhelming." He suggested to the room. "Now, if you all will excuse me, I'm going to go review some new research in the study. As always, feel free to stop in if you'd like to. Goodnight." He wished the room, stopping to brush his hand on Esme's face, and smiled at us all before climbing the stairs.

"I think I'll follow him." I stood as well, right as Emmett and Jasper were both thinking of how to best convince me to play a game of three-way football with them. "Goodnight."

I left them to their own devices and climbed the stairs. Esme seemed very happy to have the four of them laughing and talking with her as she began to sketch house plans again.

I didn't have to knock at the study door, Carlisle had left it open behind him, and he chuckled as I entered and closed the door most of the way behind me.

"I was hoping you'd heard my request."

I laughed too, "You're a man set in your ways, as much as you don't like to admit it."

"I know, I know." He shook his head, suddenly seeming ashamed with himself. "All that time alone, praying to find someone to share this existence with, and I've been blessed with Esme and five children that look to me for guidance."

"Possibly six." I reminded him of the girl in the room across the hall, since she was quiet now.

"Hopefully." He nodded. "All of these gifts, but I have moments where I wish to be alone again. Or, I think back to when it was just the three of us and wish for the simpleness of that time." He muttered. "It seems very ungrateful of me, I know."

"I disagree." I shook my head. "I think those thoughts make you a person that's as complicated as anyone else. Esme and I think the same way sometimes, but she wouldn't dare admit that to anyone else. It's obvious to us all how much you care for each of us. No one would fault you for the need to step away sometimes, or for having nostalgia over a different time in our family's past."

Carlisle smiled thankfully at me, "Thank you, son. I've always cherished our conversations."

"We hold each other accountable, definitely."

"Speaking of holding each other accountable," he grinned to himself and I knew I was not going to like what he had to say, "I'm still stuck on a previous topic of ours downstairs."

"And that is?" I asked, practically urging him to get the conversation over with already.

"You think Bella's pretty?"

I huffed, wishing I had used some other verbiage, "Yes, I do. I believe most everyone would agree to that obvious fact."

"Even with her scarring?" He pushed the topic. "Sure she's got minimal marks on her face, but if her neck and hands are anything to judge by, I'm sure they're more extreme than we realize. You've seen plenty of Jaspers. If she's scarred the same way, then I can't help but worry how others might perceive her."

"Other vampires see Jaspers scars as a threat, or a warning sometimes, but our friends learn that he's just another part of our family." I shook my head. "I'm sure that will be the same case with Bella, if she ever chooses to show more of her skin in the future. Whoever doesn't think she's pretty is just out of their mind, really."

"Very well said." Carlisle smiled. "What was it you said downstairs? She has time ahead of her that she'd enjoy more if she felt comfortable here?"

"Your point, father?" I droned. I stared at one of the family photos Carlisle kept on his desk in order to avoid his eye contact.

He chuckled again, "No point, really. I just find it a little amusing is all. It's cute, really."

"What's cute?" I asked him.

"I've been sworn to secrecy on the subject, I'm afraid." He declined to answer. "However, your sister might give you a hint or two if you ask her nicely enough."

"This family is exhausting. Now I see why you want to get rid of us so badly." I groaned.

"What? Edward, I-"

It was my turn to laugh at his discomfort, "I'm kidding with you! Well, partially."

We laughed together and it was clear the topic of Bella's appearance was over and done with as we shifted into other conversations. We'd spent a few hours going back and forth over things like the mistakes made in the relief efforts after hurricane Katrina, the latest update on the newly sent off Mars Rover by NASA, and the science behind the claim that a Scottish man had potentially been cured of Aids in the last few months of the year.

We were bickering back and forth over the probability of an impending financial crash in the country when we nearly missed Bella. She had opened the door slightly before ducking back out into the hallway.

"Bella," Carlisle called out to her quickly, "it's alright. You can come in if you'd like to."

She appeared in the doorway again, looking very hesitant to be there, and she fidgeted with cuffs of the blue long sleeve sweatshirt she wore.

"I'm so sorry," she apologized quickly. Her gaze kept darting back and forth between our eyes and the floorboards in the same nervous habit she'd shown earlier. "I was headed downstairs, but then I heard you arguing and thought I should make sure you were alright, but then I realized I'd just be interrupting. I'll leave you-"

"Bella, breathe." Carlisle smiled kindly at her. "You can come sit down if you'd like to." He offered.

She hesitated in the doorway, her eyes moved to the other chair opposite of Carlisle's desk, the leather chair beside me, before she eventually walked slowly across the room and sat down.

"Edward and I weren't arguing, not really anyways, we're both very stubborn and like to bicker with each other is all." Carlisle explained to her. His eyes looked very warm as his thoughts swarmed with pride for her.

"Esme's called it our love language for as long as she's known us." I joked and Carlisle laughed with me. "She thinks there's something wrong with us if we're too quiet in here for any extended amount of time."

One of Bella's cheeks lifted, causing her nose to scrunch up a little bit, and I realized that she thought she was attempting a smile. It looked more like an unsure scowl more than a smile, especially since the scar that ran through her eyebrow made her look like she was narrowing her eyes at us. Now I knew why Esme had been so bothered by her attempts to smile. The tortured look didn't look like it belonged on her face at all.

"You two have been together for a long time, haven't you?" Bella asked. "You act like you're a real family."

"I call Edward my first-born." Carlisle smiled at me proudly. "When you've been together for nearly eighty-eight years, it's hard not to become family."

"Eighty-eight?" Bella gasped, a look of complete and utter shock on her face.

I realized that she had no idea how long vampires could live for. She only knew how quickly they could they die.

"Bella, how much have you been told about our kind?" I asked her softly. I wasn't trying to make her feel stupid or singled out at all.

She hesitated again, "I guess not very much at all. I've made assumptions about things, but I've been proven wrong a lot. Mostly about not seeing our reflections in mirrors. I've been told there's fighting all over the world for territory, but that doesn't seem true now. I assumed no one lived very long because of it."

It was the longest I'd heard her talk with a degree of confidence, and I was awed that she hadn't stumbled over her words or put her head down to avoid our eye contact at all. Maybe smaller groups was our key to success with getting her to relax and trust us.

"I'm very sorry to hear that, Bella." Carlisle frowned and his thoughts were full of revulsion for Maria.

There were very few people Carlisle hated, that I had directly heard him rage against anyways, and Maria was certainly on that list. He hadn't cared for her very much after hearing about Jaspers experiences because of her, but after she had found us in Calgary and practically threatened our family...well, she was now considered truly despicable in Carlisle's eyes. The one thing he couldn't stand for was any threat to his family. I couldn't imagine the full impact what seeing Bella's suffering was like to him. Especially when he had hoped Maria was far behind in our family's past.

Carlisle decided to try his best to cover some basic things with her, "Vampires can really exist for as long possible, if they aren't burned that is, and there's several very old groups of our kind. A group called the Volturi that helps uphold our rules, for example, has leaders that have been around for millennia. They make me look like a young vampire still." Carlisle laughed. "As for the usual myths, like mirrors and sunlight, those are all usually found to be false very early in our existences."

"Sunlight doesn't hurt us?" Bella looked shocked again. "Maria's lied about that then too. Probably just another way to control us all." She growled.

That deep noise that rumbled in her lungs was still shocking to me, although I'd heard it multiple times, because it just didn't seem to match her person at all. That someone so small and fragile looking could make such an extremely dangerous sound was startling. I couldn't even imagine hearing it at full volume. Jaspers' terrifying growl seemed nearly teasing when compared to Bella's.

"Wait, you said they'd been around for millennia? Should I even ask how old you are?" Bella continued on.

"I don't mind." Carlisle grinned adoringly at her. "I met my 366 year mark not too long ago, but I've been a vampire for around 343 of those years. Time wasn't marked as accurately then, but I believe I was somewhere around twenty-three when changed based on historical markers in my lifetime."

Bella sat back, fully relaxing in the chair, "That's such a long time that I can't even imagine it. You've seen so much history."

"I have," Carlisle agreed, "and that's one of the things that Jasper and I first bonded over. We're the oldest in the family and have a particular love for American history."

"The textbooks you were looking at yesterday." Bella nodded in understanding.

I shouldn't have been surprised that she had been so observant, she's a very recent ex-soldier that survived due to her hyper-vigilance after all, but I still found it endearing. She'd been so cautious of us, naturally, but had still managed to see good qualities in us so soon.

"So, Bella, feel free to ask any questions you may come up with." Carlisle worked to assure her. "We'll try our best to give the most honest answer we can based on our own knowledge and experiences. I don't want you to think anything is being hidden or manipulated against you in any way now."

"I really appreciate that." She nodded.

"Great. Well then, I'm afraid I'll have to leave you both on your own. I've got to go get ready to leave for the hospital soon." He stood to his feet and began to collect some things for his case.

Bella's eyes widened and looked between myself and Carlisle quickly, "Wait, you're an actual doctor. Alice wasn't joking? You're a doctor for human people?"

"Yes." he smiled at her. He was just as amused as always when someone found his profession unthinkable. "I've been practicing medicine for 200 years now."

"I'm sorry, but this coven keeps getting stranger and stranger to me." She shook her head.

"Ha!" I couldn't help the laughter that escaped me. "I've said that same thing for eighty years now!"

"Very funny." Carlisle joked with me as he patted my shoulder before leaving the room. "Have a good day you two." He wished before he was gone.

Bella and I sat in silence for a moment, and I could see she was still trying to process all the information she'd been given. I made a mental note to be sure not to overwhelm her with too much too quickly and wanted to be sure to warn the others. She'd been given relatively little information in the short time she'd spoken with us, and already she seemed to be struggling to process it all. A new idea came to me then, but I knew I had to be casual in order to pull it off.

Trying my best to be soft, I took a breath and turned to Bella, "Have you gotten a chance to look through the books we put in your room yet?"

"Oh," she startled slightly, "I glanced over them when Esme and Alice showed me the room, and I recognized a few of the titles, but I don't remember what I liked to read."

"Were you a big reader before?"

"I think so." She nodded.

Her eyes were focused on the family picture on Carlisle's desk, the same one I'd been focused on during my conversation with Carlisle about Bella's appearance, and I wasn't sure how to proceed.

"You look very nice in blue." I complimented her without thinking through what I was saying. "I noticed yesterday, but didn't have a chance to tell you. Do you like blue?"

"Um..." she hesitated, and I realized with slight embarrassment how my words might be interpreted, "I didn't remember if I did, but now I think I do. I liked it because it looked good on me, I think."

Again, my words came out before I'd thought them through, "I'm sure your friends or partners must've told you."

"Probably my mom." She carried on, despite my growing horror over how presumptive I was being. "I didn't have many friends, not real ones anyway, and definitely didn't have any boyfriends."

"That's too bad." I frowned and I wanted nothing more than to disappear.

I didn't know what it was about my lack of hearing her thoughts made me confess my own so easily. I didn't like this strange new development. It was already unpleasant to have a change in my extra sense around her, but if I also experienced inexplicable word vomit with her as well...then I didn't know how'd I'd convince my family that I wasn't interested her like they thought I was. I'd barely known the girl twelve hours after all, and she was still so new to this change in lifestyle, so how could they think I'd take advantage of her that way?

Bella didn't seem to care about the words I'd said unthinkingly, "I thought I had friends when I'd been forced into the army, Sequoia and Dakota, but Sequoia has a talent kind of like the Ma-, Jaspers," she corrected herself and breathed for a moment before continuing, "and it turned out that she was manipulating us all into feeling however Maria wanted us to. But, Sequoia would apparently go off orders and use it to her advantage, and so Maria didn't want to keep her past her year mark. She wants Jasper back so badly."

"And it seems like she's relying on him to get things back in control." I agreed with her. "How many soldiers does she have now?"

She shrugged, looking me in my eyes again, "I was unlucky number thirteen and she hadn't added anymore before I'd left. Just before she sent Archer and I to find Jasper, there was an awful fight, and I think she lost several soldiers. She didn't let me know who before we left because she said she didn't want to freak me out before I had to travel."

"Thirteen is quite a large number." I worried. "I think the most Jasper ever handled at one time was fifteen and he said that was nearly unmanageable, even with his gift."

"Knock knock." Jasper tapped his knuckles on the doorframe and Bella and I both nearly jumped from his sudden appearance. "Couldn't help overhear the army talk. I was hoping I could steal Bella away for a bit? Carlisle asked if I'd take her hunting with me to start showing her the ropes."

"Bella's decision." I shrugged and looked to her.

"I don't want to." She denied, though she swallowed painfully after the mention of blood.

Jasper looked at her, his expression as controlled as ever, but I could hear the mental distress he felt for Bella. He knew all too well the turmoil of not wanting to be driven by a thirst for human blood, of not wanting to hurt anyone.

"I don't think we've explained to Bella how our lifestyle works." I realized. "Bella, we don't consume human blood. We exist off of the blood of animals."

She sat up quickly, and there was more life and excitement in her than I had yet to see on her face, "Really? How do you do it?"

"Come on and I'll show you how." Jasper chuckled, "You're sticking with me until we can be sure you don't go into a frenzy and turn on your hunting partner."

"Fair." Bella agreed as she stood to her feet. She was nearly to the door when she turned back to look me in my eyes, "Is it okay if I come find you later? I'd like to ask you about something."

"Sure." I agreed. "I might be at the piano."

She nodded and Jasper held the door for her and motioned her to exit ahead of him. He raised his eyebrows suggestively as he looked after Bella and then back at me. I groaned that his thoughts were so similar to our parents about the crush they thought I had on Bella.

"Just teasing." Jasper raised his hands in a truce. "Oh, and it was eighteen newborns, not fifteen." He corrected me before playfully pointing at Bella in a fake warning.

"Oh brother mine," Alice sang as she skipped into the room and sat on the arm of my chair, only a moment after Jasper had left with Bella, "care to ask me nicely for any particular information?"

"No."

"Edward! Don't be like that!" She hit my shoulder. "I'm only trying to help you."

"Oh?" I challenged her. "Is that why you've seemed to have sworn Carlisle and Jasper both into secrecy?"

"Esme knows too, but only because Carlisle can't ever be trusted to keep a single piece of information from her." Alice giggled. "Okay, you don't have to ask me then. I'll give you a hint anyways."

I sighed heavily, "Oh you're too kind to me."