Chapter 43 – Family Therapy

Esme looked up at Kevin. She no longer felt afraid of him. She wasn't sure if it was due to her memories of her interactions with Ryan and Kevin's determination to keep Esme away from him (prior to finding out that Esme was his niece), or the fact that, despite being Ryan's identical twin, Kevin didn't have Ryan's crazy look in his eyes, and his voice was calm and reassuring.

Kevin: I was about to go on my lunch break. You're welcome to come with me, and we can talk. Would you like to do that?

*Esme nods*

Kevin: Okay.

Nelle: Dr. Collins?

Kevin: Yes.

Nelle: I'm Jan Clayton.

*She holds out her hand. Kevin hesitates but takes it*

Kevin: It's nice to meet you. I've heard good things about your organization.

Nelle: Would it be okay if I joined you?

Kevin: I'll leave that decision up to Esme. Would it be okay if she joins us?

*Esme looks back at Jan, then nods again*

Kevin: Okay. Let's go to the café.

*The three of them make their way to the outdoor café. They get sandwiches and coffee, then sit down at one of the tables*

Kevin: So, Esme, because you're my niece, I unfortunately am not able to be your therapist. It would go against ethical guidelines and would be a conflict of interest as I'm married to Spencer's grandmother.

Esme: I understand.

Kevin: I nonetheless want to help you because you are my niece, and I feel like I owe it to you after everything Ryan put you through.

Esme: You don't owe it to me. Just hearing you say that you accept me as your niece means a lot, considering the fact that I never told you that I was Ryan's daughter and instead lied to you by saying I wanted to pursue an internship at Spring Ridge. I don't blame you for terminating it.

Kevin: And I don't blame you for wanting to get to know your biological family after everything you went through with the Prince-Ashton family.

*Esme is reminded that Ned Quartermaine is a relative of the Ashtons albeit estranged from them*

Esme: They never saw me as their family. They made it very clear that they were not my parents and didn't even allow me to address them by their first names. They made me and my adoptive siblings call them Mr. and Mrs. Prince. We were all wards to them. My only positive memories were riding horses and their food, which they only let me eat if I did all the stuff they forced me to do without giving them a hard time. Sorry, I'll stop.

Kevin: No, that's perfectly understandable. I'm just sorry that your biological family was worse. Laura tells me that Heather is insisting that she isn't guilty of all the murders she committed due to cobalt poisoning as a result of a faulty hip replacement.

Esme: Oh wow!

Kevin: I take it you haven't gone to visit her since getting your memory back?

Esme: No I haven't. And what really sucks is that I remember now being so desperate to know who my mother was, and Ryan wouldn't tell me, claiming he didn't know her name. It seems he wasn't lying.

Kevin: It certainly seems that way.

Esme: I've been questioning for a while now if she's my biological mother. The fact that you mentioned she had a hip replacement reminds me of how she was pregnant with me when she was in her 40s. I know it's not unheard of to get pregnant at that age but it comes with the increased risk of complications. But honestly, and this probably sounds really weird, I feel comfortable talking to you, and it's probably because you have the more positive aspects that I remember about Ryan.

Kevin: Well, I certainly would like to think so. I'm not perfect. I've made my own share of mistakes, and bad choices, one of which was keeping Ryan locked up in Ferncliff and hiding him from the authorities. He should've been kept in solitary confinement in Pentonville all along.

*Nelle is reminding of learning that Ryan had previously occupied the cell that she briefly was held in during her short stint at Ferncliff Asylum, and him telling her about his interactions with Carly via Morse Code by tapping on the wall when Carly was locked up in the cell next door to his*

Kevin: From a psychological perspective, Ryan was not insane. He knew exactly what he's doing. He was a very good actor. He eventually escaped Ferncliff, locked me up, impersonated me, and caused my marriage to Laura to fall apart when he became obsessed with Ava Jerome after murdering her daughter Kiki, among all his other victims during his second killing spree. That never would have happened had he remained where he belonged. He convinced all of us that he had locked-in syndrome. You were one of the few who knew he didn't.

Esme: I know.

*She chuckles*

Esme: I think I must've inherited those acting skills from him, since nobody knew that I was his daughter until after I lost my memory.

Kevin: I remember when I visited you in the hospital after you jumped from the parapet, and I was one of the few people you recognized albeit you didn't remember why. And then when I learned you were Ryan's daughter it all made sense. You wanting to see him at Spring Ridge, and you recognizing my face despite not remembering who I was, everything fit together, and I wish I had kept a better eye on both of you. I should've tried to figure out why you were so interested in him. I knew I needed to keep you away from him but at the same time I should've been more cautious with him.

Esme: You know what, I don't think it's all on you. I'm not sure how receptive I would've been if you had tried to help me the way you are now…

*Her voice becomes choked up*

Esme: But then again Ryan manipulated me into falsely believing that he cared about me because I'm his daughter.

Kevin: Ryan saw you as an extension of himself. In his eyes, you were something he created. He didn't see that you are a human being with feelings and emotions. Had you been shown true kindness, it's possible that you would've been more receptive. From what I understand, you had a good relationship with Maggie Fitzgerald.

Esme: I did. Though I went against her by seeking out Ryan after she warned me not to.

Kevin: Well, again, you wanted to know your family. You wanted to know where you came from after a lifetime of neglect by your adoptive family.

Esme: I know. I just wish I had recognized that Ryan was manipulating me.

Kevin: You were young. The human brain doesn't fully mature until your mid-to-late 20s. And the fact that you didn't grow up in a loving family is what drove you to seek him out. I just wish I had gotten there first. Maggie cared about you. At the same time, she wouldn't have known how to help you the way that I probably could have.

Esme: Well, you wouldn't have known that I was your niece.

Kevin: Maybe, maybe not. We can spend all day thinking about the what-ifs. But all that stuff is in the past. It's time to focus on what's going on right now. And I already know some of it. You have a baby you're caring for and another one on the way, and neither of your children have a father-figure.

Esme: Ace does. Nikolas is out of prison and I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to get partial custody.

Kevin: Laura would make sure that he does the right thing. But I couldn't help but overhear you reacting to what sounded like the results of a DNA paternity test?

Esme: Yeah. When I screamed "I hate you Daddy," I was referring to how Ryan essentially pimped me out to Nikolas. I, uh, well it's probably too much information but Spencer and I…were together one last time shortly after me and Nikolas…well in any case I was no longer on birth control but was nonetheless hoping that Spence was Ace's father, but it turns out that Nikolas is.

Kevin: I see. That makes sense why you would be angry at Ryan. I understand you're pregnant again?

Esme: Yes. And Spencer is definitely the father…

*She becomes choked up again*

Esme: *Sniffle* And now he's gone. I know they never found his body and I won't give up hope unless I hear that they've found and identified it with DNA testing and everything.

Kevin: Neither are we.

*Nelle listens intently to their conversation, her own mind a mix of emotions. She did not regret her interactions with Ryan in Pentonville. She knew about everything he had done before she first encountered him while he was in the Pentonville infirmary, and while they interacted a few times, they weren't "friends" as people often said they were. However, she had used him as a very painful means of getting out of Pentonville when she asked him to stab her. She knew that he had supposedly killed Kiki, but at the time wasn't aware that Kiki was her half-sister. When she found out she felt a fleeting feeling of remorse, but it quickly disappeared when Kiki refused to acknowledge her as her sister. At the same time, Ryan manipulated Esme into seducing Nikolas. She felt that maybe it was time for "karma" to catch up to Nikolas. But right now, she worries about the fact that so far Kevin has barely acknowledged her at all, let alone mentioned how she's helping Esme*

Kevin: And that brings me to what I really wanted to talk to you about.

*He briefly looks over at Nelle*

Kevin: I know you have been living with Jan and receiving support from All Our Children.

Nelle: Oh, that's an understatement. She and Ace are part of our family!

Kevin: Right, well I'm very grateful for that. But at some point, you're going to have to re-integrate back into society and prove to yourself that you're able to stand on your own two feet, and prove to the rest of Port Charles that you're a changed woman who has learned from her mistakes and cares about doing the right thing. Which is why you might want to think about moving back in with me and Laura.

*Esme looks over at Nelle, who tries to hide the panic she is currently feeling over potentially losing her "sister"*

Esme: I don't think that's a good idea.

Kevin: Why not?

Esme: Things have changed. I have my memory back.

Kevin: I know, and I'm very happy that you have your memory back.

Esme: You are? I thought you were just letting me live with you so that Spence and Laura could keep an eye on Ace to make sure that I, you know…I wasn't abusing him in any way. I guess I could understand why Laura would want to see Ace but she probably couldn't care less about what would happen to me.

Kevin: That's not true. She cares about you, and she understands why you might be uncomfortable around Nikolas, and therefore she would be able to supervise Nikolas should he be awarded visitation rights. She also would be able to vouch for you, and as the mayor of Port Charles, her opinion of you would carry a lot of weight. Don't forget that you were awarded custody of Ace largely because of her.

*Nelle feels somewhat insulted as she had written a rather lengthy character letter for Esme, which Esme had told her was a big reason why the judge ultimately ruled in her favor*

Kevin: And I can understand if you still are not fully comfortable around me, as I knew that after you realized just how much of a monster Ryan was, seeing me reminded you of him, which is why I wanted to be sure that I kept my distance as much as possible. I needed to respect your boundaries which is something that Ryan violated.

Esme: Well, it's true that in the beginning your resemblance to Ryan was very difficult for me to ignore, I eventually could see that the two of you were very different people. Ryan was an evil, murderous psychopath…

*Nelle is reminded of Kiki, who frequently used those exact same words to describe her. Hearing them come out of Esme's mouth stung, even though she was using them about her own father*

Esme: You're a therapist, and you're very calm and reassuring. So I won't lie I was hoping I'd one day hope you'd accept me for who I am, especially once I got my memory back. I felt like a lot of people were pitying me. Dr. Robinson for instance. I remember one day I had a sore throat and achy muscles, and I went to the hospital to get checked out. I won't lie it was very awkward, but she nonetheless treated me the way a doctor would hopefully treat all of their patients. But now that I have my memory back, she'd probably be perfectly happy to let me die if I were to become seriously ill or get injured. And I wouldn't blame her given everything I did to Trina.

Kevin: Well, her personal opinions of you aside, she would not be doing her job if she were to let you die under her watch. She's one of the co-chiefs of staff at General Hospital. All the doctors at GH including myself are under her watch. She takes the oath to do no harm very seriously. Not to do so would cost her her job, and her reputation.

Esme: I suppose. My friend Leann told me something similar a while back. She's thinking about getting a job in the medical field.

Kevin: Well, she isn't wrong. But if people were able to regularly see you out and about, it would help them feel more at ease. Right now, you're very isolated. I know you're taking a class at PCU and I understand you've occasionally babysat for Willow-

Nelle: Both of which I encouraged her to do by the way.

Kevin: Yes, well I'm glad to hear that.

Esme: Honestly, I'm very uncomfortable out in the world. I don't feel safe on the PCU campus as there's a creepy guy stalking and harassing me and WON'T leave me alone no matter how many times I tell him, and I don't feel especially comfortable at the Quartermaines. Willow seems to like me as otherwise she wouldn't ask me to babysit, and I enjoy playing with Wiley and Amelia, but the rest of the Quartermaines seem very toxic. I walked in and Tracy's first words to me were "What are you doing here?"

Kevin: Tracy is like that with everyone. She's known for being difficult to deal with. Don't take it personally.

Esme: I won't. And you saw how Joss ran up to me and punched me at Spence's funeral because she jumped on the bandwagon of everyone assuming I drugged him and Trina on that cruise in France…

*She chokes up again*

Esme: I would never do that! I know why Trina might not have felt comfortable for me going to Spence's funeral and honestly I was hesitant to go to the actual funeral and instead come back after everyone had left.

Nelle: I encouraged her to go. I even asked Esme's friend Leann and her boyfriend if they could come back to Port Charles to support her. I'm very glad they did.

Esme: I'm not comfortable out in the world Uncle Kevin! I like Spoon Island and Wyndemere. The place doesn't remind me of Spence or Nikolas since Jan renovated it and gave it a total makeover, and nobody is allowed on the launch without Jan's permission, which is partially due to that creepy guy at PCU I told you about.

Kevin: Well, Esme, this is what the campus police are for. You should tell them about him. When was the last time you saw him?

Esme: I haven't seen him in a few days, but it's probably because I am now taking the long way to the parking lot. I actually was forced to accept a ride from him so I could get to the Quartermaines. I was okay with allowing him to drive me because it wasn't where I live or where I normally work, though it seems like I'm being asked over there more and more, often when it isn't very convenient because of my class.

Kevin: Well you still should talk to the campus police. If you see him again, please promise me you will.

*Esme feels for the first time that Kevin genuinely is afraid for her safety due to the concerned tone in his voice*

Esme: I promise.

Kevin: Okay. And even if it doesn't fit into your schedule, you wouldn't be asked to babysit if people didn't trust you with their kids.

*Nelle is very tempted to interject, but doesn't*

Esme: I suppose you're right.

Kevin: It's not always going to be easy, and while I know living at Wyndemere is comfortable and feels safe, my concern is you potentially becoming too isolated.

*He looks at Nelle*

Kevin: I'm not saying that All Our Children hasn't helped you. They are a wonderful organization, and Jan's letter no doubt also helped you get custody of Ace. But you should start thinking about your long-term goals.

Esme: I know. My main concern is I've trusted Jan to look after Ace if something were to happen to me. And this is especially important because I'm pregnant again, and neither of my children's fathers are in the picture.

Kevin: I'm not saying you need to give any of that up. I just want to encourage you to take the next step. I understand if you don't feel ready to do that yet, but it's something you should think about. You've got tons of support. We all want to see you get back on your feet.

Esme: I know, and thank you. I will think about it.

Kevin: Okay.

*He checks his watch*

Kevin: Well, I should get back to the office for my next appointment. Please, if you need anything, don't hesitate to call me or Laura.

Esme: I won't.

*He gets up*

Esme: Uncle Kevin?

Kevin: Yes Esme?

Esme: Thank you.

*They hug, then Kevin takes his coffee and heads back inside the hospital*

Nelle: Well, how do you feel about what he said?

Esme: He's right I suppose. At some point I am going to have to venture back out into life as I knew it before, even though aside from you there really isn't much keeping me in Port Charles. I appreciate that he wants to help me, and acknowledges that he should've done more to save me from Ryan. I feel very safe with him. I feel less safe with the idea of having to be somewhere where Nikolas can more easily have access to Ace. He hasn't given me any reason not to trust him, but honestly, if it weren't for you, I'd be tempted to pack my bags and start afresh somewhere new. Maybe Pine Valley, or perhaps the UK. Maggie now owns a pub in Devon, and she's the only other person I trust, even though I betrayed that trust because I promised I wouldn't go looking for my biological father when I intended to do the exact opposite. But maybe if I explained what happened, she'd let me move back in with her. Ideally I'd want to live with Spence, but at this point it's safe to assume that he's dead. There's no way anyone would be able to survive falling into freezing cold water and having to fight the strong current even if they aren't drugged.

*Nelle is reminded that she did exactly that, even though it was a big risk. And Spencer was currently at the Orpheus Clinic in Whitby, having been administered the first phase of the treatment, though it was too early to know if it had worked*

Esme: And then there's the issue of having to take responsibility for all the horrible things I did. Not all of them were things that Ryan was making me do. He never told me to record Trina's friends having sex, distribute the video to everyone at PCU, and frame her for it. I remember when I saw the video come on the projector in the classroom I sat back and laughed! Dad…Ryan was so angry with me! And even though I know he was a horrible person *Sniff* maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Maybe I'm a horrible person too!

Nelle: Are you a serial killer?

Esme: No. Although I was not sad when my adoptive parents died!

Nelle: You were horribly abused and neglected for so many years! You just need people to steer you on the right path. And as I told you at the feast, your journey won't always be easy.

Esme: I know. But part of this journey might potentially involve having to go to jail, which will rob me of any sort of feeling that I've made any progress at all. When I get out I most likely will feel more alone and more vulnerable, or else re-ignite my hatred towards the world, and…

*She looks off to the side and sees a concrete garbage can. She runs towards it and gives it a very hard kick, and instantly regrets it when a sharp pain shoots through her foot*

Esme: OW!

Nelle: Oh my god Esme! Are you okay?!

Esme: DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M OKAY?!

*The commotion wakes up Ace, who starts crying. Esme starts crying too. She finds herself burying her face in Nelle's shoulder once again*

Esme: I don't think I can do this.

Nelle: You can! I will help you.

Esme: I get the feeling that Uncle Kevin, even though he means well, feels like in order for me to be independent, I need to leave you!

Nelle: He does mean well, but that doesn't mean he's right. You need to decide what you want to do. He can't make that decision for you, nor can I.

Esme: Right now I want to go home!

Nelle: Well then, let's go. I think we've stayed here long enough, and it looks like it's going to rain.

*They throw their food wrappers and empty cups into the garbage can and head to the pier. Onboard the launch, Esme ignores her usual nausea and the cold drops of water splashing in her face and flashes back to a memory of her father from when she was visiting him at Spring Ridge. She's kneeling down in front of his wheelchair, caressing the back of his one remaining hand*

Esme (flashback): Do you have another plan, Daddy?

Ryan (flashback): I have information, which is where all good plans begin. For instance, you followed my every instruction to steal a card key, and hear you are. And Ava may really believe that she's found "true happiness" with Nikolas, but soon enough she'll find a worm in that apple.

Esme: Please tell me! Please let me in on things! I can't help you unless you trust me.

Ryan: Mhm, well trust is a two-way street. And given how easily distracted you are by petty jealousies and these shallow co-ed shenanigans, I'm not sure I can count on you anymore!

*She stands up*

Esme: *Scoffs* Really? Well like you say, that's a two-way street. You don't trust me? Maybe your brother Kevin will trust me when I tell him the truth that you can talk and have been able to for months!

*She turns to leave, but Ryan grabs her tightly by the wrist, causing her to drop back down to her knees in front of him*

Esme: OW!

Ryan: You're not going anywhere!

Esme (present day): Daddy and Uncle Kevin are not the same person...Daddy and Uncle Kevin are not the s-same person...D-Daddy and Uncle K-Kevin are n-not the same p-person…

*She repeats this as the cold rain comes down harder, unaware of how badly she's shivering*

Marcus Taggert's apartment was much smaller and less cushy than the beach house where Portia and Curtis lived, but Trina felt that she needed to get away from Portia. She knew her mother meant well, but she felt that all she was doing was trying to make her feel like a child again, even though Trina was going to have a child of her own. She worried that Portia would insist that she was an unfit mother due to her refusing to get over her relationship with a man who was now dead and, in her view, was unfit to be a father, and maybe convince her to give the baby up for adoption.

*Trina finishes unpacking her stuff and getting set up in her new room at Taggert's apartment*

Taggert: I know it's not what you're used to.

Trina: You're right, it isn't. But I needed to get away from Mom. She refuses to recognize that even though I'm her daughter, I'm not a child. I'm getting ready to have a child of my own.

Taggert: Your mother is just concerned about you, as am I. Trina, I am not gonna tell you what to do. But I have to ask, and I need you to be honest with me. Do you really want to have this baby?

Trina: Yes Dad, I want to have this baby. Until I hear that they've recovered a body I will not give up hope that Spencer will come back so that we can be a family.

Taggert: Mhm. I hope he has it in him. But keep in mind that Esme is pregnant too, and your mother's concerns are valid. If Spencer comes back, you can bet that Esme is going to insist that he gets to know their child and want to be a family as well. This is a reality you're gonna have to accept. And I know a part of you will always love Spencer, and I'm not going to tell you that you have to forget about him, but you might meet someone new and fall in love with him.

Trina: Well, if I find myself falling in love with someone new, I'm not going to prevent myself from moving on, but at the same time I'm not going to go on a dating site to seek out a man who…nevermind.

Taggert: Go on and say it. Whatever you have to say I can take it.

Trina: I'm not going to seek out a man and force him to take care of a kid who isn't his. I'm sorry Dad, I know that's what Mom did to you. I guess this is my anger at her showing.

Taggert: Trina, your mother didn't force me to do anything I didn't want to do. I wanted to be your dad. I still want to be your dad. I'm always gonna want to be your dad.

Trina: I know Dad.

Taggert: And I'm looking forward to being a granddad too. Having said that, while I'm not gonna force you to move back in with your mother, this living arrangement is temporary. You don't like your mother making you feel like a child when you're gonna have a child of your own, well I'm gonna make sure that you maintain your independence. Once that baby of yours is born, you're gonna have to find a place of your own. I will of course help you get settled in, and support you and the baby in every other way, but you can't let your grief over Spencer get in the way of you living your life. And part of living your life is being able to trust and rely on your friends. They can support you in ways that your parents can't.

*There is a knock at the door*

Taggert: I'll get it.

*He opens the door to see Joss*

Taggert: Hello Josslyn.

Joss: Can I come in?

Taggert: I'm gonna let my daughter be the one to make that decision.

*He goes to the kitchen, while Trina walks over to the door*

Joss: If you want me to leave, I-

*Trina pulls Joss into a hug*

Joss: I'm sorry for what I did Trina.

Trina: I know why you did it. You were looking out for me.

*She motions for Joss to come in*

Trina: I have something important I need to tell you.

*Joss walks in, and Trina closes the door*