Xander slowed the car down as he saw the numerous people wearing high visibility jackets scattered about poking through the bushes on the side of the road. "I wonder what's going on?"
"Stop and ask?" Sam suggested.
"Yeah," Xander agreed and slowed to a stop where an older couple were marking things down on a map while looking at their phones. "What's going on?"
The man looked up. "A pair of kids went missing, everyone's looking for them. If you want to join in the search party the turn off for the park is just a couple of miles down the road. Make sure your phone is charged."
"I'll do that," Xander said, "thanks."
As they drove along, Sam sighed. "I wish I could help, but I can't leave the road and I don't think they're on it."
"That's okay, we all have our limits," he told her.
After a few seconds of no response he turned to look at her and found the seat empty, with just the bottom half of a red bikini in her seat.
Xander snickered and made the turn into the state park's visitor center where there was a crowd of people around a couple of picnic tables with a giant map spread on them, reading texts and marking off squares.
He parked his car and got out, looking for someone who was coordinating volunteers. Spotting a park ranger standing next to a pile of high visibility vests, he quickly walked over to him. "Hey," Xander said, "I want to help. Can you tell me what's going on?"
Ranger Fred, according to his name tag, nodded. "A pair of teens, twins, vanished last night while staying at the park with their great uncle. They had their cell phones on them but they stopped pinging the park's free wifi from the playground area around midnight. We're combing the woods section by section now."
"Twins, midnight, playground area," Xander repeated, getting a bad feeling about the situation.
"Yeah," Fred said with a nod. "Looks like they were too hyped up to sleep so they went to the playground. It's not actually all that unusual."
"Age?" Xander asked.
"Twelve going on thirteen," Fred replied.
Xander winced. "How soon is their birthday?"
"A couple of weeks according to the records," Fred said, going over dates in his head. "You know something?"
"A cult in California is killing twins on their thirteenth birthday," Xander replied. "Are you sure their birthday isn't for a couple of weeks?"
"Yeah, positive," the ranger agreed.
"Hopefully it's not connected," Xander said. "Where's the playground?"
"Just over there," Fred said, gesturing to the side, "we just replaced all the old iron and wood equipment with new plastic ones last month."
Xander looked around the playground, which as advertised had all new plastic equipment, even the merry go round the children would sit on while someone would spin it had been replaced with a heavy plastic version around which was a perfect circle of mushrooms…
"They've already gone over the playground," Fred offered. "They didn't find anything."
"No, they wouldn't," Xander agreed. "They vanished at midnight, not sunset?"
"That's when their phones stopped connecting," Fred agreed. "Do you know something?"
"I think so," Xander said as he pulled out his phone and called Diana. "Hey, Diana? This is Xander. Can you get a hold of John Constantine for me?"
"I should be able to," she agreed. "Do you need my help?"
"No, or at least I don't think so," Xander said, "just have a couple of missing kids and a fairy ring that might be connected to a case John is working on. While the backup would be nice, it would probably be overkill at the moment."
"Alright," Diana said, "I'll contact John and have him teleport down to your coordinates."
"Thanks, I really appreciate it," Xander said. "I'll call and let you know how things go, bye."
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Constantine appeared in a flash of yellow light, drawing some attention from the rangers and the volunteers. "Okay, what's the problem?" he asked, looking around.
"A pair of twins, twelve almost thirteen, vanished from the park last night at midnight," Xander replied.
"Fuck," John cursed.
"Yeah," Xander agreed with a sigh.
"How almost thirteen are they?" he asked, lighting a cigarette.
"A couple of weeks away, according to the ranger I talked to," Xander told him.
"That's a relief," John said, "means we got time to find them."
"Maybe," Xander said and gestured towards the playground.
"What am I supposed to be…" John trailed off and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It's all plastic," he said as if it were a curse.
"Yeah," Xander agreed. "There's a fairy circle around the merry-go-round."
"You mean the roundabout?"
"Same thing," Xander said.
"Yeah, I see it, and time don't exactly work the same on the other side of the divide," John said. "We either have plenty of time or we're already too late and we won't know till we get there."
"Do we have to wait until midnight?" Xander asked.
"Nah, I can pry open the door," the mage said. "Couple of spins on the roundabout and we're in."
"Good, let me go grab my hammer and shield," Xander said.
"Not sure a hammer is going to help, unless you got it at the same place as your shield," John said. "You're better off using your dagger."
"It's a couple of pounds of iron on a stick made by archaeologists in the same manner as the original," Xander explained as he headed for his car.
"Huh, it may work at that," John said to himself.
"Cary Rose," a female ranger introduced herself. "And you are?"
John pulled out an ID card from his rumpled trench coat and showed it to her. "John Constantine, I'm with the Justice League."
"You're here to help?" she asked hopefully.
"I am," he agreed. "Why did you replace the playground equipment with plastic?"
"The old set was getting rusty and you get less injuries with rounded plastic," she replied, wondering what that had to do with anything.
"Children learn by hurting themselves, it lets them know when they're being stupid," John said, "and we use iron for a reason."
"Got it," Xander said as he returned, his dark red shield on his left arm and his war hammer in his right.
"I'm seriously out of my depth here," Cary said with a frown.
"Iron repulses the fae, who like to kidnap children," Xander explained, having caught their conversation. "Mushroom rings are known as fairy circles and provide a doorway to their realm at certain times or when certain actions are taken."
"The kids were kidnapped by elves because we bought plastic playground equipment?" Cary asked in disbelief.
"Hopefully," John said.
Xander winced. "There are some worse options on the table right now."
"So… what do I do?" she asked, none of her training as a forest ranger having prepared her for this.
"Give us a push," John said as he and Xander climbed aboard the merry-go-round.
"Which direction?" she asked.
"Counter clockwise," the pair chorused.
The ranger grabbed one of the bars and leaned in, giving it a hard shove.
"Whee!" Xander called out making her stare in disbelief and then blink and stare in disbelief for a different reason… as the merry-go-round was now empty.
0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0
Xander and Constantine picked themselves up off the grass in a small clearing surrounded by trees.
"This was a lot faster than my usual way," the mage noted.
Xander cursed and rubbed his thigh. At John's questioning look he shrugged. "Fell on my keys."
John chuckled. "Yeah, another reason not to use this method."
Xander looked around at the massive primeval forest around them. It had never seen an axe or saw, the massive wooden titans looked to be far older than America, possibly older than earth itself.
"You any good at tracking in forests?" Constantine asked hopefully.
"Never even got to join the Boy Scouts, the last troop leader suffered a case of spontaneous human combustion," Xander replied.
"Figures," John muttered, not at all surprised considering what he'd found out about Xander's background. "Follow me, look for broken branches, footprints, anything out of place," Constantine explained.
"Let go of me you butthead!" a young female voice called out.
"Or just follow that," Xander said, the two quickly breaking into a run.
The two found a game trail on the edge of the clearing, the imprint of a lot of boots easy to see, and followed it, the sound of an angry pair of preteens clearly audible.
"Stop making so much noise, you have no idea what you'll attract!" a harsh male voice ordered.
Rounding a large curve in the path, they found over a dozen men in dark robes, struggling with a pair of brunette preteens.
Xander ran forward, easily outpacing the puffing mage and slammed his hammer into the temple of one of the cultists, dropping him to the ground, before slamming his shield into another, flinging him off the trail.
"Intruders! Get them!" the head cultist called out, causing half a dozen of the robed figures to attack as it was taking four to keep the struggling preteens from escaping.
Xander was thankful they were merely human as he went to work with his hammer and shield. The sound of bones breaking and bodies falling to the ground filled the air as the religious fanatics refused to stay down despite their injuries, slowly driving Xander back.
John lit a cigarette and blew a cloud of smoke much larger than should be possible into the fray, causing the cultists to hack and wheeze, clutching at their throats before falling limply to the ground.
Xander walked over the unconscious bodies, stomping towards the four holding the twins… three as the girl got an arm loose and punched one in the balls so hard he fell puking to the forest floor.
The remaining cultists all but threw the twins towards Xander as they scrambled back, one pulling a hunting horn from his robes.
"Fuck!" Constantine exclaimed and took a deep drag on his cigarette, but before he could exhale the man blew the horn and a hunting call rang out.
A wall of smoke slammed into the three like it was made of cement, shoving them to the ground.
"We better pray-" John began only to freeze as the sound of baying dogs came from nearby. "We're fucked," he said bluntly.
"Potty mouth," the girl chided as she checked her brother for wounds.
"I'm fine," he said. "Are you okay?"
"My sweater's a bit dirty," she complained, "and my hair is all tangled."
"What's the what?" Xander asked the British mage who was looking around nervously.
"What do you know about the fey?" John asked intently as the barking got closer.
"Treat them like retail workers," Xander replied.
"What?" John asked, confused.
"Avoid eye contact, never reveal your full name, accept nothing they offer you, never verbally agree or disagree with anything they say, never apologize because it's acknowledging a debt owed, never ever thank them, remember they are incapable of reading signs in human languages," Xander listed off.
"That makes so much sense," the young girl said.
"Huh, that's a good summary of the rules," the young boy agreed before turning to his sister. "You know of the fae?"
"I know of retail workers, same thing," she said.
"Well, keep all that in mind, because we are about to be surrounded by the Wild Hunt," Constantine said. "Keep quiet and let me do the talking."
The young boy reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of candy. "Mabel, chew this."
"That is going to glue my braces together," she said and licked her lips before snatching it from his hand, unwrapping and popping it in her mouth.
"Too polite?" Xander guessed.
"Bingo," the young boy agreed. "She says please and thank you on reflex even when it isn't needed."
A pack of silver furred hounds with eyes composed of green flame burst onto the trail followed by a number of absolutely breathtaking hunters on black steeds.
"Mortals," the lead hunter said with malicious glee, his horned helm looming a good two feet over the other riders.
Typing By: Abyssal Angel
Beta By: Abyssal Angel and Mist of Shadows
NarutosBrat Omake
Well damn, you've apparently already got the Angel and torture tape thing resolved. Oh well, I'll just leave this here anyway.
Angel released another shudder as the tape of spike torturing Xander ended.
"What's wrong with you?" Cordelia asked, entering his office.
"I now understand why Dru called Xander her kitten." Angel replied. "I also unfortunately understand why she said her Kitten has better happy claws than me."
"Do I want to know?" The brunette frowned, causing Angel to restart the tape.
"Xander was threatening Spike while Spike was torturing him." After a few minutes, Angel pointed to Spike leaving in a huff. "He even threatened to cuck him."
"But Xander hates vampires." Cordelia watched in disbelief. "He was even disgusted when he found out that you and Buffy did it."
"Exactly." Angel agreed.
"Oh." Cordelia's eyes widened. "OH!"
"Yeah." Anger paused in thought. "Although, it does make me wonder."
"Again, do I want to know?" Cordelia's arms crossed over her bosom.
"Probably not, but it does make me wonder if he'd do it for the sake of revenge against Spike." Angel queried.
Cordelia thought about it for a minute before shaking her head. "It would have to be an extreme enough reason for revenge. Especially for him to bypass death by high collateral damage and choose sleeping with a vampire's vampire girlfriend."
"Cordelia, remind me to put the word out that no vampire is to sire Xander." Angel said as he paused the tape as Xander gave Spike the finger.
"No, I know I don't want to know but tell me anyway." Angel just turned the volume up and pressed play again.
"Did Spike really just threaten to turn him and leave him in the room with Willow?" Cordelia stared in disbelief. "I take it back, Xander would absolutely cuck him for that."
"Yeah. He even asked if a vampire could sustain themselves by feeding on other vampires and mentioned that Spike would be his guinea pig."
Another Aegis Omake or "Such a nice box - Willow goes a little cray-cray"
So reading about the "box" that Buffy put Xander in and how nice and comfortable it is, and seeing as how Willow hasn't viewed the tapes yet, but soon will, I decided if she truly truly panicked and thought she had no choice but to protect *her* Xander, then she might go a little bit completely bat-sh1t crazy. So here you go:
Willow completed her spell and nodded at her work. The basement was ready for Xander. She used her hacking skills to hack into the Justice League teleporter control system, scoffing at the pathetic security protocols that couldn't stand up to her and a can of Red Bull and teleported herself to Xander. Xander, knowing Willow very well and seeing that she was in a state of full on panic and upset, "eeped" and ran, fast, but he could not outrun the magic of a Willow who was in full psycho-protect-my-Xander-shaped-friend mode. The last thing he felt before passing out was Willow's magic engulfing him. "Dammit! I hope Wonder Woman isn't upset that I'll have to miss our date" was his last conscious thought.
He woke up in a basement...specifically Willow's basement. There was a tile that was permanently discolored when they played Scientist at the age of 8, and some chemicals got splashed on it. Oddly, whenever Willow's parents would replace the tile, the new one would discolor an hour later. He looked around. He was lying on the bed, of course and there was a bathroom for him. The floor was covered in...saw dust? What? He looked and found a large water fountain and a food-table slot in the door. He also found what looked like a large hamster wheel with a note that said "For exercise." He sighed and checked his pockets. His cell phone was gone.
A TV switched on showing Willow. "You're awake. Good. I hope you like your new accommodations. I bought you a brand new mattress and you have a bathroom and everything, even something for exercise."
He raised an eyebrow, "A hamster wheel, really?" he asked.
She smiled and said, "I thought it would be funny."
He chuckled and said, "Okay, I can see that. So why are you locking me in the basement now? I assume that this isn't some fantasy that you and Oz have worked out..."
Willow's eyes glazed over as she blue screened.
"Willow...Willow...WILLOW!"
She shook her head, "Sorry, oh, uh, no, not that...right now...anyway, um...you're my only Xander-shaped friend and IhavetokeepyousafesoIdon'tloseyoubecauseIcan'tloseyouasyou'remyonlybeyondbestfriendforeverandever."
"Wills, breathe."
She took a deep breath.
"Wills, you know you can't do this, right? You can't put me in a cage...wait...the sawdust on the floor?"
"Um...cheaper than 6 tons of hamster wood chips. I only get a small allowance from my parents though I did guilt them into a raise this year."
"So how much did all this cost you?"
"Only one month's allowance...sum total was $1500. I hired Ted to do most of the work. The toilet and sink are used, well, they were returns because the homeowner was disabled and couldn't use them, so Ted got them for nearly nothing and the shower is new but was a working demo model, so he had to clean it up first."
At that moment, Joyce appeared on the TV behind Willow, Willow squeaked and the TV was switched off.
An hour later, the door opened to reveal Joyce and a meek Willow, letting Xander out of his room. He walked up stairs to find the Scooby Gang, Giles included. Apparently, Willow told Ted what the basement renovations were for, Ted told Joyce what Willow was up to and Joyce told the rest and they staged an intervention.
Giles performed a spell making sure Xander was free of magic, removed a tracking spell, a location spell and a ball-and-chain spell and Willow meekly apologized.
Xander and Willow hugged and Xander made a teasing comment about getting his and Oz's consent before trying to pull him and Oz into her kinky fantasy, which caused her to blue screen again. Oz raised an eyebrow, and smirked; Xander smirked back. He now had teasing material for a while.
And of course, Wonder Woman will want to rescue Xander when he disappears:
Wonder Woman teleported in ready for a fight. "Oh...well...um...what's going on?"
Xander briefly explained. Wonder Woman looked thoughtful.
"What she did was almost impressive. She actually managed to make it so the Watchtower could not lock in on you or her. Batman is still trying to figure out how she made it past the security protocols. We finally got the Watch Tower computer to ignore the code she added so we could lock onto you. We had to call in every technical expert at our disposal."
Willow scoffed, "He calls those pathetic protocols security? I could have broken them even without a can of Red Bull. I could have broken them in my sleep."
Wonder Woman turned to her, "Nevertheless, Batman wants to talk to you. Actions have consequences and the main members of the League agree that working for Batman to Willow-proof the Watchtower, is a fitting consequence of your actions. You'll also be under the close tutelage of our magic users. This is because we don't feel that punishing you like a criminal would be justice."
Willow and Wonder Woman teleported back to the Watch Tower as Xander and Dawn went back to his home to find his car there. "I think the Justice League teleported it here."
Zmanjz's tiny Omake!
I love that Xander can do stuff like let a spirit tied to highways have her first french fries in countless years.
Soul reading expert examines Xander's Aura...
"Yes, it appears that you were given several blessings and several curses over the years that have overlapped and interfered with one another... they appear to have merged into neither a curse nor a blessing but what I would best describe as a neutral energy Feng-Shui Geas. From its structure, I would roughly translate it as providing that you will 'Live in interesting times, with interesting women'."
AlphaWolfll Omake
So Xander being sure that he can rise as a revenant if necessary. had me thinking, he must have read something from Giles collection. Giles could have Pen Pals, maybe with independent investigators. Xander found something that assured him.
i present to you
From the Personal Case Files of Dr. E. Spengler, Paranormal Investigator – Late 20th Century August 14, 1989
I write these words by the soft glow of my desk lamp, once again confronted with evidence of the human spirit's stubborn refusal to rest beyond death. My latest findings revolve around the "revenant"—a being that lingers after life to right a grave wrong or finish an unfulfilled vow, often wandering on even after revenge is won.
Such entities are not summoned by arcane rituals nor guided by celestial forces. Rather, they arise from a powerful, unwavering will that defies the quiet stillness of the grave. There is no hidden tome or benevolent deity that grants this condition; a revenant emerges from a personal rebellion against death—a fierce, burning refusal to remain buried.
Should one encounter such a revenant and hear it speak, perhaps its words would ring like this:
"Becoming a revenant is not a fate granted; it is one seized from the very jaws of death. No incantation or cosmic alignment can bestow it—only a will that burns hotter than any infernal blaze. Though the world demands we stay beneath the earth, if your resolve burns with hatred, sorrow, or love, you will rise."
"People ask, 'Why persist beyond your final breath? Why stand again when battered and broken?' The answer echoes: 'Because I'm not done!' This defiance is not a gift, but a rebellion so profound that even death grudgingly yields to it."
Through my work, I have seen many manifestations of this eerie phenomenon. One case involved a hulking revenant—once a young victim of a watery tragedy. Long presumed drowned, he returned in a rotting form, bent on punishing those who dared invade his resting place. Behind a grim mask, he stalked the night, his thirst for vengeance unquenched.
Another involved a tormented maiden betrayed and cast into a dark well. Even after the cruel end of her mortal life, her spirit refused to be silenced. She surfaced in unsettling visions—reflections in mirrors and eerie images in recordings—driven by a need for retribution. Less a walking corpse, she was more a poltergeist-like force, but no less relentless.
These accounts point to a stark truth: death cannot shackle a soul fueled by unbreakable will and emotion. At the brink of life's end, some primal choice is made to resist the grave. I document these cases so that others might know: encountering a revenant demands the utmost caution. Such a being is bound not by mortal chains, but by a singular purpose that endures beyond flesh or reason. Let these words stand as both warning and reminder of what lurks in the darkest corners of human resolve.
—Dr. E. Spengler, Paranormal Investigator
Bookish Omake
I feel like the end omake missed a golden opportunity. It shouldn't have been Xander and Jessie doing the roshambo, it should have been Xander and the BBEG.
Xander: "Roshambo for the fate of the world?"
N: "Kill him!"
J: "Can't you've been challenged."
When the JL/TT/(name a super team) shows up, they find the necromancer lying in a puddle of his own vomit, cradling his ruptured testicles with a broken foot.
X: "What?"
Male?: "I can understand the damage to his reproductive organs given the nature of the challenge, but how did he break his foot?"
X: "Ah, turns out that even if a lot of male gods don't get along; most of them are willing to offer a certain level of blessing to a particular piece of armor."
Female?: "What?"
X: "So I ran into Hephaestus again. Bought him a BBQ lunch and he was willing to make me some protective gear. While we were talking particulars Ares arrived to commission something. Which led to a long discussion about practical armoring. Then Hermes showed up for something, then Priapus, and eventually Zeus. After a lot of pizza and beer, well..."
Female?: Shocked expression
Male?: Gets where this is going and started chuckling.
X: "So I am now the first man to wear the divine cup of protection. Blessed by five gods, as long as I act to safeguard the world nothing is hurting my junk."
Male?: Still chuckling tries to nod seriously.
AN: And yet another chapter where me readers have written enough omakes to double the size of it!