Katniss blinked once. It's her. No mistaking the warmth in her hand as she shook it. Neatly trimmed fingernails which once traced the hollow of her neck.
"M-Madge?" Katniss stuttered over the stampede in her ears.
"You got the name right!" Madge gestured towards two armchairs straddling a coffee table, "I've always wondered if we knew each other. We probably did - but my memory's failed me so much after the war."
Slowly, she sank into the seat. Head still tilted and eyes widened in bewilderment as Cassia set out teacups and poured them tea. Above the trickle - the baby screamed. All Katniss could focus on was the light in Madge's eyes. Searching for the slightest recollection or remembrance or even a hint of hesitation. None.
"Madge," Katniss called out one more time, "it-it's me - Katniss."
Madge crossed her legs primly, "Yes! It's a real surprise you'd waltz into my shop unannounced. Panem owes so much to you after all she's been through. In fact - I'm frankly a little proud that we're from the same district."
12. She remembered the District. Why not me? What's wrong? She stared hard at Madge. Her proper, upright posture. The immaculate braid of her blonde hair. Generous curve of her figure hidden behind that familiar white cotton dress. Thin, cherry pink lips that curled into a half-smile. Eyes that always found hers in a room. It's Madge. The last time she saw her was when she traced the letters on her grave.
Now she's here.
Alive. Well. A bookstore. In the Capitol.
And Madge had no freaking idea who she was.
"H-how did you get out?" Katniss asked, "The bombings? District 12? Everyone thinks you're dead."
"Ah! That's a bit of a shuckle I got in," Madge sipped her tea, pinkie lifted and all, "I could tell you - but it'd take an awful lot of your time and-"
"No, please," Katniss pleaded, "tell me everything."
Madge did. From the moment she woke up in a bloodied mess. Not recognising her face or name. Finding only ruins and death in every direction she went. The terrifying train escape to 4 and her days on the beach. Four girls from different districts languishing in a prison and trying to make the best of a bad situation. Tears welled her eyes as she recounted Colton's predatory advances and how small and helpless he made her feel.
Katniss's heart crumpled. Poor Madge's been through so much. She curled deeper into herself as she imagined herself the cause of Madge's suffering. That she dropped the bombs on District 12. Exposed her to abuse. Took a comfortable life away from her. She thought of kneeling before Madge and begging for forgiveness - swallowing back the acid in her mouth at the realisation she didn't even deserve her sitting across. Alive.
Madge halted mid-sentence and looked out the window. A tremble had developed in her hands. Lips quivered.
"What happened after that?" Katniss piped in.
"I do wish I could tell you how I ended up here," Madge's voice fell, "but I'm afraid you'd get the wrong impression of me."
"How would-" Katniss resisted the longing to reach out and touch her, "Madge - I-I don't think anything you could say-"
"I killed him," Madge locked eyes on her, "he came after me one night after I refused him and in my panic I killed him."
"Oh god-"
"I wish I could say it was an accident, or that I never meant to," a tear slipped down Madge's cheek, "but it's not changing the fact that there was a man there - and now he's gone. That I drove that piece of glass into his eye that ended his life. A-at night I see bloodied glass shards on my hands and it-it's not going away."
"You're not a killer, Madge," Katniss assured her, "you h-had no other choice."
Words drained from her brain. She vaguely recalled Dr Aurelius telling her about the nature of humans and animals. That behind all their altruism stood the instinct for survival and with it - the ruthless potential to kill. That gentle, tenderhearted Madge was as much of a killer as Rue or Cato or Snow or-
-herself.
She longed so much to pull Madge from her shell. All she managed to utter was a terse, "I-it helps when you say things out loud."
"It does?"
"Yes," Katniss nodded, heat spread behind her eyes, "things don't seem that terrible when you tell somebody. He came after you and you killed him. There's nothing to it."
"Oh, I must be bothering you with all these stories-"
"No - please," Katniss cut her off, "I want to know everything, how you came here."
Behind a veil of legal-sounding jargon Madge continued about the property. She knew Mayor Undersee was originally from the Capitol - but not that there was anything left for his daughter. The finesse with with Madge wove her story about her early days struggling with heating and eking out a living left Katniss spellbound. She perked up when Madge mentioned writing a book in a failed attempt at getting back her memory. The piano music from her District days she'd been so enamoured with, and old books that ticked a dormant clock within herself.
As forthcoming Madge's gentle voice dispensed with details, there appeared a part of herself that held back. She saw it in her shifting posture. That way she leaned back in her chair with a glimmer in her eyes. Katniss bristled with the urge to probe more, only for Cassia to clear their cups.
"Madge - the housing board's coming in five minutes," Cassia whispered within earshot.
"Alas," Madge threw up her hands, "such are the perils of running a business in the Capitol - as a District person. They're always up my behind about something."
Katniss giggled at the way Madge used behind instead of more brusque language. Oh - she hasn't changed. The cold manner with which Madge stood up and motioned to the door stole that feeling away.
"It's been nice having you here, Ms Everdeen," Madge said politely, "do drop by whenever you're in the Capitol."
Her heart ached. Tears she'd forgotten how to bear leapt unshed to her eyes. Madge showed her to the door - the scent of lavender and rain still on her hair. A part of her cracked with such fury she imagined shattering to pieces if she let go of Madge. Leave her to find peace in the Capitol while she still struggled with her own demons. The girl's footsteps following onto the lawn soothed her somewhat. She couldn't let go. She wouldn't. Not in a thousand years.
Katniss whirled around.
"Madge."
She stood there with lips pursed in bated anticipation. Eyes still glimmered with all the tears she'd shed recounting her story. That fearlessness she'd always admired Madge for infected her soul and for a moment, she was past caring.
Katniss's hand shifted. Reaching for the girl's. Her heart leapt when Madge didn't budge, allowing their fingers to link within one another. And the smile which creased her lips lit the first candle in her soul for a long, long time.
"I meant to tell you this," Katniss whispered, unsure if there was any trace of the old Madge within her, "we were dear friends once."
"We probably were," Madge answered through half-lidded eyes, "you probably made me smile."
Katniss squeezed her hand, relishing in the pulse that beat within her veins. The same heartbeat she'd put her ears to at night. Telling herself it beat for her. Her heart swelled at Madge's next words.
"...the same way you're making me smile now."
She felt like a homesick angel, head drifting into the clouds.
"Y-you really don't remember anything?" Katniss dared ask, "About your family? About…about us?"
Madge shook her head, "I get terrifying headaches when I try to recall the past. It hurts like heck and I can't see straight for an hour after."
Madge's hand dropping from hers feels like a tether that's been unwound. Sending her into free-fall. She's sixteen again - sitting in the justice hall before the games and watching them leave her life one by one. Until Madge. Who left her with a gift that gave her a name. Katniss saw the same fearlessness in her eyes and fished out her tickets.
"They let me invite two people watch the performance," Katniss's voice peaked with urgency, "will you come? I'll sing a song just for you."
The tickets took Madge by surprise. She passed the thin parchment from hand to hand, traced the golden cursive font.
"Yes, I will," Madge beamed. The girl lurched forward and threw her arms around Katniss in a deep hug. Smelling of Lavender and the rain. Filling her ears with gentle words that flickered the flame of hope anew.
"It already feels like I've known you forever."