Chapter 1 : Doctor and Patient
Chapter summary : Sarina and Gorou bond like very few doctors and patients ever did. Despite doing everything he can, her end is inevitable and he tries his best to comfort her in her final moments.
This story is a work of fiction.
Or rather.
The world we have created, for the most part, is fiction.
We fabricate it, exaggerate it, and neatly hide all the parts that are inconvenient to us.
Celebrities lie to survive.
Idol's profess their undying love to their adoring fans, convincing them of their perfection. Models swear by the beauty products they've never touched. Actors, Artists and Social media stars flaunt their lavish lifestyles that crumble being closed doors.
In the entertainment world — Deception isn't just a tool, it's your weapon.
And no one wields it better than Idols.
The crowd in a live show arena erupted, their cheers deafening, their red glow sticks swaying in perfect unison.
"I love you all!" shouted the popular Idol to all her fans cheering down the stage. Her voice, bright and unwavering as it echoed across the arena. Her smile dazzling under the stage lights, and on the big screen on the stage.
After all, that's what her fans wanted.
- x -
Gorou Amamiya sat on his knees in front of a TV, the screen glowing with the recorded concert of the Idol group B-komachi. His hands clutched two neon red glowing sticks, swaying them as if he was in the middle of a packed Tokyo arena, and not in a patient's room of a rural hospital, somewhere far away in Miyazaki.
"Whoo! Go~ Ai!" He cheered, his voice far too loud for the sterile, hushed room. "Look at her go! Isn't she the best?!" He turned to glance at the patient behind him, a young man who just gave him a nervous laugh. Gorou continued, "B-komachi debuted four years back and now look at her! A rising Star! This is it, her stardom begins here and now–!"
The door creaked open, interrupting him. A nurse walked in, shaking her head disapprovingly, "Do you think that's an acceptable level of volume for a hospital?" She deadpanned as she stepped closer, "Doctor, please watch that at your home and not here in a patient's room."
The patient smiled nervously, "It's okay, I don't mind. It gets quite boring otherwise."
"See, he doesn't mind," Gorou patted his shoulder. "Besides, music is good for the soul, don't you agree Mr. Patient?"
The patient smiled nervously, "I have a name," he mumbled, though no one seemed to have heard him.
"You're just trying to convert people into her fans." she pointed her pen at Ai's smiling face on the TV.
"Their music is great and music is good for the soul!" he claimed proudly, "And besides, we don't get any live shows out here in the countryside. DVD's are all we have got. And healing people's souls is part of my duty as a doctor."
She sighed, rubbing her temples, "Just don't issue that as the hospital's professional statement."
Ai's smiling face waved on the TV screen, supposedly at the end of the recorded concert. "That reminds me, there was a news trending on twitter earlier. Did you hear?" She pulled out her phone.
She showed him a tweet that read — B-Komachi's Ai announces career break due to health issues.
"She's taking a break?!" His voice rose to levels not appropriate for a hospital and he snatched her phone, his face twisted in disbelief. "When did this happen?"
"The news is a couple days old" the Nurse said flatly, "I'm surprised you didn't know."
Gorou pulled the phone closer to his face as he read the tweet again.
He exhaled sharply, then straightened his back as if steeling himself and threw her a cheerful thumbs up, "Don't worry! She'll be back and will be topping the charts in no time! Mark my words Nurse!"
She took her phone back and rolled her eyes, "Come on, Doctor. Coffee break. Let's go before you wake the entire wing up."
The pair walked down the quiet corridor, their footsteps echoing softly against the linoleum floors. Grabbing a cup of coffee they took the stairs up to the roof to get some fresh air.
"I worry about you sometimes, Doctor. That Idol is young enough to be your daughter. Don't you think it's creepy for you to act this way? Are you a lo—" she narrowed her eyes at him.
"Please don't finish that sentence." He interrupted her and sighed. He looked down at the dark liquid in his cup, his voice quieter than before, "I have my reasons…"
- 4 years ago -
A young girl sat on the bed in front of a TV, the screen glowing with the recorded concert of the up-and-coming Idol group – B-komachi.
Sarina sat cross-legged on the bed, her thin frame barely denting the mattress. Her eyes sparkled as she leaned forward, the glow from the screen lighting up her pale face. She swayed her body with the music, the volume was just a notch too loud and the sound spilled out into the sterile hallways of the hospital.
The door creaked open behind her.
"What are you watching there, Sarina?" in came a familiar voice.
"Sensei!" she whipped around, her face lighting up at the sight of Gorou Amamiya – her favourite doctor. "Come, sit!" She scooted over, patting the empty space on bed beside her with excitement all over her face.
Gorou walked in, closing the door behind him, "The music's a little…"
He gestured at the TV but stopped himself. Her eyes were glued to the screen, her joy too pure to interrupt. He sighed and took the seat she offered.
She grinned, pointing at the screen, "That's MeiMei! She's amazing at dancing!"
"I see."
"And those two are Ari and Kyun, they're great at singing!"
Gorou nodded along, though he couldn't really keep track of everyone's names. "Do you have a favorite?"
Sarina pressed a finger to her chin, as if she was making the most important decision of her life. When another Idol flashed across the screen, her face lit up.
"It's definitely her!" She pointed excitedly. "Ai! She's the same age as me, but she's so much more mature. She can sing, she can dance, and she's so, so cute!" she squealed.
Gorou glanced at the screen, Ai twirled under the stage lights, her radiant smile larger than life. He looked back at Sarina, her smiling eyes still glued to the TV. "She sure is," he said softly.
Sarina leaned back with a dreamy sigh, "If I get reincarnated, I want to have a cute face like hers."
Gorou's chest tightened, for a moment, the lighthearted atmosphere filled with upbeat music, felt heavy.
That word — reincarnated, carried more weight than it should.
Sarina was dying, and they both knew it.
Yet, here she was, finding joy in something as small as a recorded concert.
"What reincarnation?" His voice wavered, though he tried to sound firm. "Stop with the nonsense"
Sarina pouted, turning her head towards the window. "You're such a killjoy sensei"
She got up and walked to the half open window. Her fingers tracing the pattern on the frosted glass as she admired the stars outside. "Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be born a celebrity? If you had the looks and the connections from the start?" she asked not looking back.
"Nope." Gorou answered too quickly.
She glanced over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow. "Really? You don't have any dreams?"
"I did," he admitted, "I wanted to be a doctor."
She smiled at that, a warm softness in her tone. "You're living your dream then,"
Gorou nodded, his gaze lowering slightly at the floor.
"My dream" she said, spinning around to face him, "is to be reincarnated as the cutest Idol ever!" She stretched her hands dramatically, "I'd go on stage, sing and dance and make people very happy."
There it was again, that word — reincarnation.
Gorou gripped the edge of the bed, "There's no need for you to reincarnate" he said, forcing a smile, "You're already just as cute as any Idol."
Her eyes brightened, "You think so?"
"Of course," he said, reaching out to ruffle her hair. "And once you recover and get discharged, you can become an Idol for real. I'll be your biggest fan."
Her giggle bubbled out, light and carefree. "You mean it?"
"Absolutely. You'll need a color identity though," he picked up a pen from the table beside and waved it like a glowstick, "What'll it be?"
"Red! Just like Ai's" she chirped, still giggling.
"Red it is."
Sarina flung her arms around him in a light hug, "You're the best doctor ever!"
He smiled, patting her back gently.
Her giggled faded and her voice grew quieter as she pulled away.
"Sensei? When will my parents come to see me again?" she asked, glancing down at her lap. "I asked them to bring me Ai's merch last time…"
It had been over two weeks since her parents last visited.
Gorou had seen this a few times before — parent's who couldn't bear the weight of their child's condition, who stayed away instead of being there for their child.
He could never understand what kind of parent would do that, abandon their child when they needed them the most, and everytime it made his blood boil.
"I'll ask them," he said, keeping his voice steady as he placed a hand on her head. "Now, it's getting late. You should sleep"
He tucked her in, pulling the blanket up to her shoulders.
"Goodnight, sensei" she mumbled in her soft voice as her eyes fluttered shut.
Gorou turned off the lights and stepped into the hallway. For a long moment, he stood in the dim corridor, staring at the closed door.
- x -
The faint glow of the TV lit up the room, casting shadows across the walls. Sarina sat on the bed, humming along to the upbeat music of B-Komachi. Her hands swayed invisible glow sticks in the air as the idols danced on screen, their radiant smiles and twirling costumes pulling her into a world far beyond.
She'd lost count on how many times she'd watched this concert. She'd practically memorized each step and each lyric.
The songs were a comforting constant in her life. The view from the window never changed, the white hospital bed was always the same, and the beeping of the machines had become her only lullaby. But the music — it never got old.
As the chorus began, Sarina leaned back, closing her eyes, imagining herself standing in the crowd, her voice joining the cheers, her hands reaching toward the stage lights. She smiled faintly, the glow of her daydream warming her chest.
Then it hit.
A sharp, stabbing pain through her skull. So sudden it wrenched a gasp from her lips.
Her eyes snapped open, and a hand flew to her head.
It felt like needles piercing her brain, each jolt sharper than the last.
She tried to cry out, but no sound came out.
Her breath came in short, panicked bursts as she clutched her head, her fingers trembling against her scalp.
The pain was unbearable, like her skull might crack.
Her body swayed, the edges of her vision blurring. She slid her legs over to the side of the bed, her feet hitting the cold floor. But the room tilted as soon as she tried to stand.
Clutching the wall for balance, she stumbled forward.
Each step shaky, each breath deep and heavy.
"Nurse…" her voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper. "Sensei…"
The hallway stretched out before her, dim and eerily silent at this late hour. Fluorescent lights buzzed faintly overhead, and the faint smell of antiseptic lingered in the air. Her legs moved slowly and each step felt heavier than the last.
She didn't make it far.
The pain surged again, like cracks ripping through her skull.
Her knees buckled, and she crumpled to the floor with a thud. Her body trembled as she clutched her head and a broken groan escaped her lips.
The world spun around her as the pain reached its peak. It was like pressure crushing her head from all sides.
She tried to fight it, tried to stay awake, but her body betrayed her. Slowly, darkness crept in and she laid there — still, as everything went to black.
When Sarina opened her eyes, the first thing she noticed was the lingering ache in her head, dull but persistent. The second was the brightness of the room.
Morning sunlight streamed in through the window of her hospital room, and the TV had been switched off.
"What…" she said in a voice so weak, it was barely audible. She tried to lift her hand, and it shook uncontrollably, like her body no longer obeyed her commands.
"You're awake"
She turned her head to see a nurse sitting beside her. She looked relieved.
"How do you feel?" the Nurse asked gently.
Sarina blinked, her thoughts still sluggish. "My head… still hurts…"
The nurse nodded, "I'll call the doctor"
"Can you call Sensei too? Please?" she pleaded, her voice still weak.
She hesitated, as if searching for the right words. "He is in Tokyo, He will be back tomorrow."
Sarina's chest sank. She turned her head away, pulling the blanket up to her chin. "Okay.." she whispered.
The nurse hesitated again, her hands twisting the edge of her clipboard. Everyone in the hospital knew she was most comfortable with Dr. Amamiya around. They'd bonded in a way few patients and doctors ever did, his visits often being the highlight of her long, monotonous days.
"I'll ask him to come see you first thing tomorrow" she said softly.
Sarina didn't respond. She just lay there, her small frame curled under the covers, staring at the wall.
- x -
"This one looks like it"
Gorou Amamiya stopped in front of an unassuming house, checking his phone to confirm the address once more. The nameplate on the wall read — Tendouji.
Even with the records from the hospital, it had taken him hours to find this place.
He walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell.
Footsteps shuffled behind the door a few moments later and a man opened it cautiously. His face was tired, his eyes sunken. Gorou recognised him immediately.
"You are Sarina Tendouji's Father?"
The man blinked, taking a moment to process who stood in front of him. When he realized, his lips parted slightly, "Is she…?" his voice trailed off.
"She's still alive." Gorou said, his tone somber, "But she's in her final stage. At most, she has a few weeks left."
The man stiffened, his shoulders slumping under the weight of Gorou's words.
"I don't know why you and your wife stopped visiting" his voice softened and he bowed deeply, "but please — stay with your daughter in her final weeks. She needs you."
The man looked away, his hand covering his mouth and he closed his eyes as if holding tears back.
But then, softly, the man said, "I'm sorry."
Gorou straightened, surprised, "What do you mean you're sorry?"
"I can't do that," Sarina's father said, his tone apologetic but firm, "I am truly sorry… but, I can't"
Gorou's eyes narrowed in confusion and anger, "Why? She's your daughter. Why would you abandon her like this?"
The man sighed, and then took a deep breath, "Because… I told my wife she had passed away."
The words hit him like a slap. He stared at the man, completely stunned. "What..?" he muttered in disbelief.
The man winced, guilt flashing across his face. "Sarina's condition… it was too much for her mother to handle, It was destroying her — Physically and Mentally. She wouldn't eat, wouldn't sleep, I thought this way… she could grieve and move on."
"But what about Sarina?" he asked, his voice rising, "She is spending her final days wondering why her parents aren't there for her!"
"I know!" the man snapped. "I know…" he exhaled sharply and gripped the door tightly, "My wife is pregnant — seven months and she is in no condition to move, if she saw Sarina getting worse.. God knows what that will do to her. I can't risk the baby."
Silence hung between the two as Gorou processed everything, searching for what to say, "You can still visit her?" he pleaded.
"I love my daughter, but… I can't leave my wife alone. I just can't" He bowed apologetically, "Please. If you can... tell Sarina that we love her. And that we're sorry we can't be there."
Gorou stared at the man, his mind a storm of emotions. He wanted to yell, to argue, to force him to understand what he was doing.
"One more thing." the man straightened, looking at him, "Please don't tell her about her mother's condition. I don't want her to blame herself."
Gorou just stood there, frustrated, searching for anything he could say to change his mind.
"And I want you to leave," the man said, closing the door halfway. "If my wife sees you, it'll raise questions I can't answer."
"You lied to your wife and abandoned your daughter. What kind of man does that?" Gorou asked.
"What else could I have done?... I did it to protect them." He said quietly.
Gorou didn't respond. There was nothing he could say.
He turned and walked back down the path he came, his fists clenched at his sides as the door clicked shut behind him.
The streets of Tokyo bustled around him, neon lights flickering against the darkening sky. Gorou walked aimlessly, his thoughts looping back to the house, to the man's excuses, to Sarina waiting for parents who would never come.
"Damn it" he muttered, his anger bubbling to the surface. "What kind of parent just abandons their child like this? Him and his excuses… is one visit really too much to ask?" He kicked a pebble.
'Tell Sarina we love her', The words rang hollow in his head.
"How am I supposed to tell her that?" He sighed, his anger giving way to a heavy sadness.
As he turned a corner, something caught his eye — a bright, colorful poster plastered on the side of a merch shop. B-Komachi: Live Performance.
He stopped, staring at the image of Ai smiling brightly in the center of the group. Memories of Sarina's voice echoed in his mind, 'I asked them to bring me Idol merch'
For a moment, he just stood there, his emotions swirling. Then, without hesitation, he walked into the shop.
The cashier gave him a strange look as he approached the counter—a grown man in his thirties holding armfuls of idol merch and DVDs. But Gorou didn't care.
If Sarina's parents couldn't give her the love and support she needed, then he would.
- x -
Gorou walked into the hospital, the faint antiseptic scent greeting him like an old acquaintance. In one hand he carried a small bag of souvenirs from his trip to Tokyo. His day off had been brief, and now his patients needed him.
"Morning," he greeted the staff at the reception desk.
"Morning Doctor," she greeted him back.
"Ah- Gorou, good to see you back, how was your day off?" one of the other physicians called as he walked towards him.
"Relaxing enough," he replied with a polite laugh, "I hope my patients weren't too much trouble."
The doctor grinned, "Not at all, you've got the good ones. They were great to work with." His eyes flickered to the bag in Gorou's hand, "What's that? You brought us souvenirs from Tokyo?"
Gorou opened his mouth to answer, but before he could get a word out, Sarina's nurse appeared, hurrying toward him with a sense of urgency. "Dr. Amamiya" she called, "It's Sarina."
Her expression said the rest. Gorou's heart dropped, "Is she okay?" he asked, his voice low, almost pleading.
"She's stable, but she—"
He didn't wait for her to finish and turned on his heel and sprinted toward Sarina's room, the bag of souvenirs swinging at his side.
"Sarina!" he called as he burst through the door.
She was there, sitting up in her bed. Her thin frame propped against the headrest with a couple of pillows. She stared out the window, seemingly lost in thought, but turned when she heard his voice. Her expression brightened immediately.
"Sensei! You're back." she said with a smile wide and genuine.
Gorou let out a long breath, relief crashing over him like a wave. He exhaled, "... yeah. I'm back"
He walked over to her bed and dropped on the chair beside it, his body still tense from the panic that gripped him moments ago. "Did you miss me?" he said, forcing a smile.
"You went to Tokyo without me!" she pouted, "You didn't even tell me."
"Sorry," he said with his forced smile, "I had some important work to take care of."
"Important work?" her pout deepened as suspicion crept into her voice. "I bet you just wanted to see Ai's concert."
"Guilty" he chuckled nervously.
"Did you atleast bring me something?"
"I did," he presented her the souvenir bag, "Here"
Her eyes lit up as she peeked inside, Posters, glow sticks, Badges, DVD's — all B-komachi merchandise. She gasped, "You got me all this?"
"Of course."
She pulled out a DVD, one of their more recent concerts. "Can we watch this one?" she asked eagerly.
"Sure, put it on," he said with a smile, gesturing to the TV.
But then, her smile wavered, and her hands shook ever so slightly. She looked at him with an almost apologetic look, "Can you… do it for me?"
Her small request hit him harder than it should have. He forced a reassuring smile, "Of course." He took the DVD from her hands, careful not to let his worry show.
Soon, the room filled with cheerful, upbeat music of B-komachi. Sarina's face cheered up as she watched, her eyes following the vibrant colors and smiling Idols on the screen.
He sat back down and his gaze lingered on her — the way her joy seemed to defy the weight of her illness, even as her frail body betrayed her.
The nurse had followed him into the room and she stood quietly by the door, watching the scene unfold.
After a moment, she gestured for him to step outside. Gorou hesitated but finally rose from his seat, walking out and quietly closing the door behind him.
"Her condition has gotten worse," the nurse's face grew somber and her tone hushed, "Last night, we found her in the hallway. She had walked there by herself and collapsed."
Gorou's breath hitched. He'd known this was coming, but it still hit like a punch to the gut. "She's… not recovering?" he asked, his voice low.
"You knew the odds were slim from the start," she said gently, her own voice had a sense of sadness. "She's losing motor functions. Her legs can't support her anymore, her hands… well you saw. At this point," She took a deep breath, steadying herself, "She doesn't have much time left."
Gorou stared at the floor, his hands balling into fists at his sides. The bad news never stopped. Yesterday had been hard enough. Today was worse.
The nurse hesitated before continuing. "You went to Tokyo, didn't you? Did you… see her parents?"
Her question snapped him out of his thoughts. "Huh?"
"That's why you went, right?"
The memory of his conversation with Sarina's father came rushing back—the excuses, the indifference, the refusal to even try.
"He refused to see her," he said flatly, his voice colder than he intended.
The nurse's face fell. "It's not the first time I have seen patients being abandoned, but… it never gets any easier." Her voice wavered slightly.
But she quickly composed herself. "Thank you," she said softly. "For taking care of her all this time."
Gorou forced a faint smile, "It's my job." he said, "I'm a doctor after all."
The nurse returned his faint smile, "Of course it is."
- x -
It had been weeks since Sarina's condition started to decline. Gorou knew the odds. Survival rates of anaplastic astrocytoma were painfully low. But it wasn't unheard of.
Even so, reality crept in like a shadow and the moments of optimism were slowly slipping away.
Sarina's Nurse and Gorou were out for a short walk, on a break after a long day of attending to their patients. Just outside the hospital, the walkway stretched before them, bordered by neatly trimmed grass. The breeze was light, carrying the faint scent of earth and dew.
The patients and doctors alike would often come out for a breather, finding the atmosphere calming.
"Couldn't they have picked a better hospital?" Sarina's nurse asked, breaking the silence.
"Sarina? They did, she came from a hospital in Tokyo, remember?" He answered, his hands barely moving from his coat pockets.
"Yeah, I remember. I mean, why move her here?"
"You know how expensive cancer treatment is," he said, "it burned through their savings. And when she started showing signs of recovery, they moved her to a cheaper hospital."
The nurse frowned, "Some hospitals can be bank-breaking."
"Yeah," Gorou muttered. "Life happens, it's not their fault for being in the situation they are in." He paused, "But it doesn't excuse them. They even refuse to visit her now."
"Why do you think they stopped? There must be a reason?"
Gorou fell silent. The question lingered in the air, heavy and unanswerable. The more he thought about it, the more it seemed her father chose to abandon her.
"Who knows…" he said, his voice hollow.
She watched him for a moment before softly saying, "You've been more of a parent to her than anyone, honestly", thinking about how he stayed by her side, how he brought her small joys, kept her company and made sure she was comfortable. All the things her parents should have been doing.
"I do what I can," he said with a shrug. "I'm not the one treating her anyway. It's the oncology team — they're the ones who've done the most for her."
Gorou sighed deeply, "Being a gynecologist sucks sometimes."
The nurse blinked, caught by the sudden change in his tone. Then chuckled softly, "Really? I thought that was the dream for the male aspiring doctors"
"What kind of man do you think I am?!" he exclaimed, playfully in mock anger, he lightly smacked her arm.
"Hey!" she laughed, rubbing her arm.
They walked in silence for a moment, "I wanted to be a surgeon" he admitted, his voice quieter now. "To help people, to save lives! That's what I really wanted to do. I tried my best but…"
"Is that why you never got a girlfriend?" the nurse asked, "You were buried in medical books your whole twenties?"
Gorou chuckled lightly, though there was no humor in it. "Something like that. When I was in medical school, my grandmother's health started declining. I desperately wanted to become a doctor so I could help her. She raised me, took care of me my whole life. When she passed away before I had graduated, all my motivation just… vanished."
The nurse immediately regretted her question. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice filled with remorse.
He glanced at her and managed a faint smile. "It's okay, it was a long time ago." He straightened his shoulders, "I'm still a doctor and I still help people. That's enough for me, so cheer up, okay?" sounding a little brighter.
She nodded, "Should we head back?"
"Yeah," he said, "Let's go."
They walked back into the hospital, as they made their way through the familiar fluorescent-lit halls, Sarina's oncologist approached them.
"Gorou," the doctor called, "Sarina's been asking for you."
"How is she today?" Gorou asked.
He hesitated, placing a hand on his shoulder, "I wish I could say she was getting better"
Gorou stood for a moment, "I'll go see her" then brushed past him, heading towards Sarina's room.
Inside the room, Sarina sat propped up in her bed, gazing at the birds hop along the tree branches outside the windows. Her face looked calm — peaceful, even.
"Hey Sarina," Gorou greeted as he stepped inside.
She turned her head slowly, her faint smile lighting up when she saw him. "Sensei," she whispered, her voice weak but warm. "I'm okay."
He pulled a chair beside her bed and sat down, leaning forward slightly. "I'm glad to hear that." he said, returning her smile.
She hesitated, then softly said, "Sensei.. I'm sorry"
"For what?"
"I… I won't be able to become an Idol," she said, lowering her eyes.
Gorou's chest tightened, but he forced himself to stay composed. "Don't say that," he said gently.
She looked at him, her smile trembling slightly, "Don't be sad, Sensei. I'll be an Idol in my next life!"
Her cheerful mask fell as quickly as it came, and her voice broke into a quiet whimper. "I… I heard the doctors," she admitted.
"Sarina…" Gorou began, but before he could say anything more, she pushed herself closer to him and wrapped her thin arms loosely around him.
"Sensei…" she sobbed into his chest, her tears soaking through his shirt, "I'm scared."
He hugged her back, his hand gently brushing her head. She had been so strong, so positive for so long. Seeing her finally break down, shattered him.
"I want my mama," she whispered, her voice so faint, it barely reached his ears.
Gorou closed his eyes, forcing himself to stay calm. "I.. talked to them earlier." he said softly, "When you were in therapy. They told me they're planning to come soon, and they're sorry they couldn't be here sooner."
He hated himself for lying, but comforting lies were the only thing he could give her now.
Sarina pulled back slowly, her tear-streaked face lighting up with a flicker of hope. "Really?"
"Really," Gorou said, his voice steady despite the ache in his chest. "Your mother even said she'd bring you some Idol merch."
Her lips curled into a small, fragile smile. "Maybe they really were just busy," she muttered to herself, "I knew mama loved me."
He stroked her head for another moment, "Why don't you rest for a while, you just got back from therapy right?" He said, helping her lay back against her pillows.
"Sensei? Will you turn on the TV for me?"
He nodded and turned on the familiar B-komachi music videos. The Idols' energetic performances filled the room, their vibrant smiles reflecting faintly in Sarina's tired eyes.
Gorou sat by her side, watching her tense expression softening. For a moment, she forgot her pain, swaying her head slightly to the music. Gorou caught himself nodding along too, and when she noticed, she smiled faintly.
He stayed with her for the while, and when her eyelids grew heavy and she drifted off to sleep. He stood up, pulled the blanket up for her, and turned the TV off before stepping out of the room.
A single tear flew down his cheek, which he quickly wiped off.
He thought of Sarina's father. He thought of the lies he told to protect her heart.
Sometimes, the only comfort you could offer is a lie.
But it didn't make them hurt any less.
- x -
Gorou stayed by Sarina's side all night, refusing to leave. He told himself it was because someone needed to be there for her, but the truth ran deeper than that. Guilt, fear, and love bound him to that chair. How could he leave when the hours ahead felt so uncertain?
The room was cloaked in stillness, broken only by the faint beeps of the machines and the soft rustle of Sarina's labored breathing.
Gorou's thoughts churned endlessly. Sarina's condition, her unbearable pain, her absent family. He had told himself countless times there was nothing more he could do, yet the same question clawed at his mind over and over — was it enough?
Eventually, exhaustion claimed him. He fell asleep in the chair beside her bed, his body slumped forward, one hand resting lightly near hers.
The first sound was faint, barely a whisper.
"S…e…n…sei…"
Gorou stirred, his brows furrowing as the voice wove into his dreams.
"Sen…sei…"
This time, it was louder—or perhaps it was desperation that gave it weight. His eyes flew open, his heart pounding as he shot upright.
"Sarina?" he called, leaning forward so quickly the chair creaked beneath him.
She was trembling, her frail body wracked with pain. Her breaths came in harsh, broken gasps, and every shallow rise and fall of her chest seemed like a battle. Her face was pale and her lips trembling as she tried to form words.
"Sarina," he repeated, his voice cracking as he reached for her hand.
Her skin was icy.
"Nurse!" He turned his head to the door, his voice sharp and frantic. "Call the Doctor!" he yelled on top of his lungs.
How long had he been asleep? How long did Sarina suffer while he sat there, useless?
He clenched her cold hand with one hand, and gently stroked her head with his other.
"I'm here Sarina, It's okay" he said, his voice shaking, "You're not alone."
Her breathing hitched, her chest heaving as she struggled for air.
"It's okay," he whispered, trying to keep his voice steady. But the lump in his throat betrayed him. He turned back towards the door, his panic rising. "Nurse!"
But no one came.
Sarina's gasps grew weaker, her body trembling like a leaf in the wind. Her breaths came in shallow, uneven gasps.
"Where's… mama?" she whispered, her voice barely audible.
Gorou forze.
"She… she's on her way," he said softly, his voice trembling as he forced the lie through, "Just hold on for one more day, please."
Her lips gave him the faintest smile, her weary eyes glimmered with hope. She had waited so long for them, and finally, she believed they would come.
"When… she… is here…" she whispered between breaths, "tell her.. I love her."
"I will," he said, gripping her hand tighter.
Her gaze softened as she looked at him, "Sensei…"
He leaned closer, his throat tightening.
"I… love you too,"
A tear finally escaped his eye, rolling down his cheek and falling on the blanket. He didn't need to say anything — his expression said everything. She had become so much more to him than just a patient. She was like family.
Without a word, she brought her trembling hand closer to him. In it she held a small B-komachi keychain — her most cherished possession.
She held it out to him.
He gently took it, his fingers brushing against her palm. He looked at the small trinket, then back at her.
"Sarina," he whispered, his voice shaking. "You'll always be loved… You're family… to me."
Her lips trembled into a weak smile, her eyes glistening with tears. Those words meant everything to her. She closed her eyes, her expression softening with peace.
"I'm… sorry…" she muttered between shallow breaths, as if she was apologizing for leaving.
Gorou shook his head, his hand still holding hers. "You've got nothing to be sorry for."
Her breathing slowed, each gasp quieter than the last.
And then… it stopped.
The EKG let out one sharp, final beep, then fell silent.
Gorou let her hand go, his trembling fingers brushing against hers one last time before they fell limp on the blanket.
The keychain was still in his palm, its edges pressing into his skin. He gripped it tightly, his head bowed as the tears he had held back all night began to fall. He wiped his face quickly, but it didn't matter anymore.
He stood slowly, his legs unsteady beneath him, he let out a deep breath.
And the silence that followed was unbearable.
- present day -
Gorou and the nurse stood on the hospital rooftop, the crisp air carrying the faint warmth of the sun. The gentle breeze rustled their coats as they took in the view of the scenery below, a rare moment of peace between endless shifts.
In his hand, Gorou held his doctor's ID. Tucked inside the plastic cover was a small B-Komachi keychain, its colors slightly faded from being handled so often. He ran his thumb over it.
"Sarina," the nurse said softly, her voice carrying fondness and sorrow. It had been years, but the girl's bright smile and infectious energy still felt close, as if she had only spoken to her yesterday.
"Anaplastic Astrocytoma" Groru said, the words heavy on his tongue. His mind drifted to Sarina's face, her wide, hopeful eyes shining as she declared her dream.
'My dream is to be the cutest idol ever. I'd go on stage and sing and dance and make people really happy.''
The memory played so clearly in his mind that he could almost hear her voice again.
"If she were alive, she'd be sixteen now," he said in a low voice. He exhaled, gazing at the distance. "The same age as Ai." His lips curled into a small wistful smile. "Sarina loved watching Ai perform. I still remember how she would brighten up, how she'd sway her body to the music, even when she was too weak to move much."
He looked down at the keychain again, before glancing up at the nurse, "Now, everytime I watch those performances, it feels like she's there watching with me."
She watched him quietly with a soft expression.
"Or.." he continued, "Maybe I see Sarina in the Idol she loved so much."
For a moment, there was silence, heavy with meaning. The nurse opened her mouth as if to say something comforting—but her voice came out flat instead.
"Are you sure it's not just an excuse so you can watch all the Idol stuff?"
Gorou blinked, "That's what you got from my heartfelt monologue?"
"You know how it looks when you watch that kind of stuff in the hospital, right? Should you really be watching and behaving like that?"
Gorou folded his arms, a flicker of annoyance crossing his face. "I don't see anything wrong with it." he said, his tone flat but firm.
"Of course you don't," the nurse muttered under her breath, sighing. She shook her head. "Otaku fanboy after all. Just… please act a little more professionally in the hospital. For all our sakes."
Gorou said nothing for a moment, his eyes drifting back toward the keychain. He had been watching B-Komachi more often lately, he couldn't deny that. Ai's journey had become almost a ritual for him — four years of watching her grow, of seeing her become brighter with each performance. To him, it felt like watching Sarina grow, in a way she never got the chance to.
He pocketed the keychain and turned toward the stairwell. "Anyway, break's over. Time to get back to work."
- x -
Author's note : The frist two chapters low quality just keeps bugging me. Also, who would read chapter 3 if they couldn't get through the first two. So, here's an updated, polished version of it. Chapter 2 will also be updated sometime soon.