1996
"Now now, nobody be alarmed! No-one is in danger! I can assure you on that!" A sweating Minister Fudge proclaimed, standing at the head of crowd of rowdy reporters.
For the past two days since the first reports on the outbreak at Azkaban, media coverage on the whole thing had been rampant. Dozens and dozens of reporters have been holding out at the head of the aurors department, asking any aurors who would talk about anything of the attack.
"But minister." One voice broke through, ruffling Fudge, who had to keep himself from rolling his eyes in annoyance. "How on earth are we now expected to believe that all of the stories drummed up by Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter are fake, when just days ago, all of the former convicts and known allies of the man they claim has returned, were set free? Bit of a coincidence… no?"
"Ah Miss Skeeter," Already her magical quill began writing furiously onto a sheet of parchment, causing Fudge's eyes to twitch, "No need to fret. Not at all. We have the best men and women alive devoting each minute of their time into finding these criminals! So please, I can assure you, we will find them. We will bring them in. And they will never see the light of day again. Okay? Thank you!"
Dismissing them and turning his back on the crowd, the shouts of questions and demands for answers pelted his back as he entered the door behind him, sighing heavily as the door shut.
"He didn't even answer the bloody question the fucking moron." Ron muttered, turning the radio off.
"You expected him too?" Hermione asked, curled into a armchair with Harry as they listened also.
"Well yeah… right?" Ron asked, shrugging his shoulders.
"News flash Ronnie, politicians don't answer real questions, only the one's they are ready for. And our poor little minister… well he aint ready for any questions about dear Harry and our headmaster." Fred answered, sitting on top of a table surrounded by the quidditch team.
Currently inside of the Gryffindor common room, were about thirty-five students, ranging from first to seventh year, all huddled around trying to hear any news about the attack.
The only students not around, were those in the library studying or out and about the grounds of Hogwarts. Including Neville, who had withdrawn within himself over the past few days.
"Doesn't matter. Anyone with a brain and an ounce of common sense knows now that something is happening. Something that the ministry is now fully sent on hiding from them." Harry said, allowing a small smile on his face. "I don't have to sound lunatic anymore."
"Cheers to that boyo, all your talk of war was really bringing down the energy in the school." George laughed, raising an imaginary pint. Harry mimicked the same.
"So… any word on the funeral?" Lavender Brown asked, sitting on an armchair with Parvati Patil, closest to Ron and the radio.
At once, all of the life and cheer in the room vanished. Her words laying heavily on the air. The death of Seamus Finnigan only a few days prior still haunted the school and all of its occupants.
Feeling tears spring to his eyes, Harry looked down into his lap, not forgiving himself.
"Yeah… yeah I know about it." A voice said, breaking the heavy silence. At once, the members of the griffin house looked over at where the voice had came from. Surprised to see a disheveled Neville standing at the portrait, holding his book bag and a pair of dirty gloves.
"Coming back from the greenhouses, I past Professors Sprout and Professor Flitwick in the corridors. They didn't see me though. As I past, I heard them speaking of it. Apparently, Seamus was sent home to his village, to be buried. They didn't want any big attractions at the school, to cause any ruckus, you know?" Neville said, not looking from the floor the whole time he spoke.
"So sometime soon, they'll probably give us a big speech or something, thats it." Neville finished. And as he finished, he raised his head and scanned the room, seeing everyone watching him. Nodding his head, he walked forward and past everyone ahead of him as he reached the stairs to the dorms, walking up them without another word.
"Must've hit him hard, Seamus dying." Ron said, filling the silence Neville left. "Never seen him like that before."
Everyone else nodded their heads, lending their hearts out to one of their friends.
"Alright." Harry announced, slapping his quads and untangling himself from a curious Hermione. "Little quick announcement! Don't forget, training is in two hours. I'm gonna head over there now to prepare, so all of you get ready. ALSO, instead of two a week, we're bumping it to four! So no more only Monday's and Thursday's, now it'll be Monday, TUESDAY, skip Wednesday, then Thursday AND Friday! Okay? Sound good? Alright see you then."
Then with that Harry skipped over to the stair case and vanished up to his dorm, returning a quick minute later with his book bag slung over his shoulder and walked over to the portrait. Leaving behind a room full of shocked students.
"What the fuck? Hermione?" Ron asked, his eyebrows scrunched in irritation.
"I… I don't know." Hermione said, staring at the now closed portrait.
"Doesn't he know that those 'trainings courses' he teaches are harder than most lessons we take?" Angelina Johnson asked, holding her hands up in frustration, with a chorus of murmurs and agreements ringing through the room as everyone thought of the lesson up ahead.
Later
"Harry, may I speak with you?" Hermione asked her best friend as she got to the Room of Requirement earlier than everyone else.
"Yeah of course." Harry said over his shoulder, as he continued setting up dummies for the lesson. "What do you need?"
Stepping forward to help set up the dummies, Hermione took a slight breathe before answering. "Whats with the urgency with all of our meetings? You have been amping them up slowly for months now, but suddenly it's like you've turned it up to an eleven on the scale. I'm just wondering why."
Setting the dummy just right, Harry took a step back to inspect it. Satisfied, Harry nodded his head and turned to look at Hermione, who felt her heart pound at the look in his eyes. Eyes filled with a deep sadness, and alight with determination.
"Seamus died, 'Mione." He said, his words covered in sorrow. "He died because of me. I didn't stop Malfoy, and he died. I see it, over and over and over again. I was slow and distracted. So I will work on it, and so it doesn't happen again, so will everyone else."
Shaking her head, Hermione tried to respond. "You're teaching first years when to duck if a killing curse flies at them. They shouldn't need to know this."
"We're at war Hermione! What do you expect?! They need to know these things, or they could die! Doesn't that make sense?" Harry asked frustrated, flinging his hands in the air.
"It shouldn't be this way! You don't need to fight them! Let Professor Dumbledore and the order fight the war! They don't need child soldiers!" Hermione said heatedly, trying to prove her point.
"Then what do they need?! Because they sure as hell aren't doing a great job now!"
"SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU!" A new voice shouted, breaking the pairs heated exchange.
Looking to his right, Harry saw a red-faced Ron walk quickly up to the two. Rolling his eyes, Harry turned away and walked towards the other equipment.
"Harry! Come back, talk with me." Ron shouted after his best mate, who didn't turn around. Looking shocked to Hermione, Ron tried again, calling out for their friend.
"HARRY!"
Letting out a breath of frustration, Harry turned around, leaning back onto a rack of brooms. Staring at the floor between the them, Harry muttered a simple, "What?"
"What? Why were you both arguing?! I've haven't seen EITHER of you fight with each other like that since the end of summer break." Ron answered, looking at the both of them.
"It's nothing Ron, just the stress of everything coming out, thats all." Hermione said, trying to diffuse the tension.
Looking at Hermione, Ron nodded his head before turning to Harry. "Is that all?"
"…"
"…"
"…Am I messing this up? Everything?" Harry asked, his eyes focused on the floor.
"Messing what up Harry?" Hermione asked, taking a step forward towards him.
At the question, Harry stretched his arms out, his eyes lifting from the floor to look at his friends feet. "All of this. The courses, my training, effort in lessons. Am I fucking it up?"
"You're stressed, Harry. For so long now, it's been hit after hit. We haven't had a break, from any of this." Hermione argued back.
"But I want to kill them. Malfoy. Voldemort. The ones that follow him. I just want it to be over. I don't want to worry about them anymore. And I think that I am starting to show signs of that in the lessons, rubbing it off on them." Harry said, his words heavy with emotion. "My mind… it's just so full with worry about the war, and how to get ready for it. I mean I train, and train, and train again and again. And I shouldn't! I should worry about other things but I can't! Because I have a sociopath hell-bent on killing me, and I don't know why! The kids are scared, and I try to make it better for them but I can't."
After finishing, Harry held his breath a moment, calming himself down. Seeing Hermione race forward, Harry held his hand up, stopping her in her tracks.
"Please, just tell everyone that training is cancelled, I need a few days."
"What are you gonna do?" Ron asked, his face pale.
At the question, Harry looked between his friends for a moment. Thinking, he finally just shrugged his shoulders. He then walked forward, heading for the entrance. Passing his two friends, Harry stopped for a moment.
"I'm just… I'm sorry. For everything." He apologized, meaning it for the pair, but his eyes not leaving Hermione's.
"It's okay." Hermione said understandably, nodding her head. Brown eyes meeting green.
Nodding his head back, Harry turned his head and looked towards Ron. Patting his shoulder, Harry nodded at him, then turned and walked. Leaving through the entrance.
Some Time Later
"Pup! What are you doing here?" A shocked Sirius asked as his godson quickly marched through the home. Their eyes meeting, no words were exchanged as Harry conveyed his message through his eyes. A deep sorrow, laced with guilt and regret. Fear.
"Harry." Sirius murmured, getting up from his chair and walking forward to his godson.
Holding his hand up, Harry stopped his godfather in his tracks, similar to Hermione, and shook his head.
"Can you get Remus? I need to train." Harry said, his voice shaking.
Shrugging his shoulders at the request, Sirius could only ask why.
"I just need too, okay? Please." Harry said, desperation flowing through every word.
"But… Harry." Sirius tried interjecting but Harry only turned and walked away, towards the stairs descending into the basement.
"I'll be down here, please send Remus down when he arrives." Then was gone. Leaving behind a silent house and a baffled felon.
A while later, Sirius led a confused and tired Remus down the stairs into their basement, hearing loud crashes and bangs with each step they took. Quickening their steps, they arrived before the unlocked door and entered through, coming upon a scene of only destruction.
Littering the floor were the mangled bodies of wooden training dummies, along with smoking scorched marks covering the majority of the ceiling and walls, and all of their training machines and tools where strewn across the room. With only a heavy breathing Harry kneeled down in the center of it all, trying to catch his breath.
Hearing the door open, Harry's eyes flew open, landing on the pair he had called for. Standing eagerly, Harry dodged through the massacre he'd created and stopped directly in front of his uncles.
"Finally, took ages huh." Harry said, still out of breath. "Alright, I know what drills we are going to do. I'll stand on one side of the room, facing the wall. I need either of you to stand opposite me, quite a distance away. At random, you'll fire the killing curse at me, and I need to react and avoid it, and over time, we will close the gap until you are almost directly behind me. Okay?" Harry finished, acting out the drill while he explained.
"…"
"…"
"What?" His uncles asked at the same time.
"What?" Harry asked, tilting his head to the side.
Shaking his head, Remus gave Harry a sorry look. Then turned and gave Sirius a pat on the back and left, shaking his head as he went upstairs, and up to bed.
"What the…?" Harry asked as he watched his mentor leave him. "Whats he doing?"
"The only thing he can do Harry. What are talking about?" Sirius asked in a confused, disappointed voice. "The killing curse, really? Do you think we're fools?"
His eyes widened in shock, Harry opened his mouth to reply back. "I need this. To fight better! Isn't that what this is all for? How can you guys refuse now?"
Shaking his head, Sirius walked forward and held Harry's head with both hands, forcing eye contact.
"Harry, Seamus's death wasn't your fault. He jumped for you, there wasn't anything you could have done. And this…" Sirius gestured around at the carnage around them. "Isn't going to bring him back, or save anymore lives. It will only kill you."
Opening and closing his mouth to reply, Harry tried to speak but couldn't, not finding the words.
"Go back to the castle Harry, Dumbledore surely knows you're gone by now. Sleep, rest, and think. Talk with your friends. Don't come back for awhile, I'll send you a letter when we believe it's time to train again." Sirius ordered, before moving forward and hugging Harry, holding him close.
Letting go, he sighed when he saw the furious face on his godson. Not thinking he needed to say anymore, he only turned and left. Leaving Harry alone.
Later
He couldn't sleep, he could only stare at the roof of his four poster bed. Snow danced outside the windows, with the wind racing around, creating their own music.
Harry couldn't sleep. Each time he shut his eyes, he saw their faces.
But only recently, did their cold faces move, each time staring at him. Asking him questions he didn't know the answers too.
"It isn't your fault Harry." Sirius's voice rang out, causing Harry to grimace.
"Yes it is." Harry mumbled, his lips barely moving.
"Seamus isn't dead because of you." His godfathers voice rang again.
"Liar." He mumbled.
"Cedric died because of you." Said a new voice.
"Yes he did." He agreed.
"Your parents died because of you, and all of the muggles during the war and now, because of you."
"Mmhmm." Harry nodded silently before stopping, thinking of what he heard. "What?"
"You are the reason for so much suffering Harry, think of it. Two successful wizards, gone, and for what? A baby who can't do anything. A young wizard, your friend entering his prime, gone. A young man, ready to claim glory, wiped out. You save no one. But I can help."
Shaking his head rapidly, Harry took in deep breaths, feeling his hands shake. Scared of what the voice was saying, he decided to head downstairs, figuring some water would help calm him down and let him finally sleep.
Standing from his bed, Harry walked the few steps and opened the door to the corridor. But instead of the familiar sight of the staircase leading to the common room, was a room with a ceiling so high, you could never see the top, and shelves as far as the eyes could see, filled to the brim with strange glowing orbs.
Eyes wide in shock, Harry felt his breath be taken away from him as his body suddenly raced forward, flying through the shelves of orbs. Then all too suddenly, he stopped. Catching his breath, Harry looked around scared, but curious.
Noticing something, Harry wondered why very few orbs were dim, almost like the glowing smoke that billowed around in some, were completely wiped from others. Noticing names on all of them, Harry tried taking a step forward to see them better, but found that he couldn't move. Confused, he tried to move a bit longer but gave up.
Looking around again, he tried making out as much names as possible, before stopping suddenly. Reaching his arm out, he tried to grab one in particular.
One with his name on it.
Stretching his fingers, he tried to grab it. Grazing the tip of finger against it, Harry felt the coolness of it, before being suddenly thrown away, racing again through the shelves. Screaming now, Harry felt his body jolt as he flew through his dorm room door, it slamming shut ahead of him, before his world turned dark.
Waking with a jump, a frantic and disheveled Harry leapt from his bed, scrambling on the floor to reach his wand on his nightstand. Grabbing it, Harry clenched it tight in his grasp as he ran to door to his dorm, yanking it open.
But instead of a room with glowing orbs, was only the staircase to other dorms and the common room. Breathing heavily, Harry peaked his head out, scanning in every direction. Confused, he withdrew back into his dorm, closing the door soundly.
Laying back down in bed, Harry thought of what had just happened. Feeling his hands shake, he took a few deep breaths, trying to listen to the wind and snow. But there wasn't any. Opening his eyes, he looked over to his window, and nothing. It was a calm, silent night.
Shaking his head, Harry shut his eyes, trying to admit to himself that it was only a nightmare.
But he couldn't. It all felt too real.
'I need a lap around the lake.' Harry thought to himself, jumping out of his bed. Grabbing his converse, he tied them up and put on his jumper before heading outside, closing the door silently behind him.